How to console a person: the right words. How to support a man when he feels bad

Support is a very important moment for harmonious relationships in a couple. A woman who can properly support at some difficult moment in her life will be greatly appreciated by a man! Therefore, it is important to understand how to support a man when he feels bad.

This is what the non-banal women's website will tell about.

Mistakes that women make when they want to support a man

• A pity. No man, in any situation, will be pleased that a woman shows him compassionate sympathy (although it is sincere). You can’t hint that he is pathetic, weak and powerless in the face of circumstances (even if in some situation this is true). A man should know that his woman considers him strong and able to overcome any difficulties.
• Don't comfort. No need to look for the "bright sides of the coin."
• Bravura joy, attempts to cheer. If a man is sad, then your fake gaiety will annoy him doubly. Strong men must experience their bad mood themselves.
• obsessive kindness, attempts to please, appease, distract, etc. This annoys the man, as he understands that the woman is behaving this way on purpose. In men's eyes, this is an extra reminder of trouble.
• Inquiries about what happened, why is he upset. The fact is that we, women, judge by ourselves - it becomes easier for most of us if we speak out, tell about our problem and our feelings to a loved one. And men need to "shut up"! And questions depress them even more than indifference! After all, a man wants to look successful in front of a woman, and not talk about his failures! If you don’t know how to support a man when he feels bad, words and questions may turn out to be completely superfluous!

• inquiries "Are you sad because of me?", “what did I do to you?”, “are you offended by me?”, etc. Dealing with relationships is the worst thing you can do. If a man is sad for a third-party reason, then it will be unpleasant for him to make excuses. If he is really upset about something that is connected with you, either he himself wants to talk, or he is able to keep quiet and forgive you after some time, without scenes and dramas. But it is possible that he himself feels guilty in front of you and is thinking about how to correct his guilt ... In general, there is no need to climb with suspicions and conjectures, he himself will tell if he sees fit!
• Persistent offers to help, intervene in the situation, fix everything together, etc. If a man screwed up himself, then he must also fix it himself. You don’t have to be a “mommy” for him, who runs to save the stupid “son” from all life's troubles. This will once again aggravate his self-awareness! Of course, there are situations when your help is really needed, but it’s better to wait until the man himself asks you for specific help or asks for your advice. An exception is perhaps a serious illness, injury, etc., when a person needs care, but he himself may not ask for this help.

What support do men need from women?

But what to do if you want to support a man when he feels bad? It is important to feel what a loved one needs, what his mood is ...

If in a couple you “feel” each other at all, then this happens almost on an unconscious level. There is a chance that you will guess with your heart what will now become support for your loved one!

But it’s still worth reading on the Beautiful and Successful website how to support a man if he feels bad. Wise women do this:

• If the husband has just appeared on the doorstep, and you already guess about the troubles by his face, in no case show it! Behave as usual, and watch his reaction.
• Usually, it is very easy to guess from a man whether he wants to talk or, on the contrary, needs solitude or just silence. If a man responds to your words sullenly, with irritation, in short phrases, it’s better to postpone attempts to communicate at all until later. Do not impose with your society - perhaps the man just wants to be alone (alone in a room, or in the same room, but not talking about anything). Observe, but do not peer anxiously and do not run up with different “test” reasons every 10 minutes (“Do not open the window?”, “Will you have borscht?”, “Didn’t your mother call today?”, Etc.). He wants to talk - he will speak himself, and ask for borscht, and open the window.
• Sometimes a good option, how to support a man when he feels bad, is to be there, but in silence. Sit or lie down - maybe just each with his own magazine, but feeling a touch to each other. Many men love a relaxing back or leg massage, it is a good anti-stress therapy. If a man needs your close presence, he will sit next to you! The key point is not to impose yourself and do not use this moment either to start a serious conversation or to chat in monologue mode. Just shut up and stay with your loved one.

• Prepare a man something tasty and satisfying, make tea for him. Offer to have dinner - again, a minimum of words, and do not insist if he does not want to eat. But in general, men also tend to “seize” stress (well, if you don’t drink it!). Even with the current ostentatious indifference to food, he will appreciate and in the depths of his soul he will be grateful to you for this care.
• Don't make noise, don't rattle dishes and other things, don't do anything like general cleaning, ask the children to go to the nursery and don't pull on dad. Ideally, do something of your own, sit at a laptop or sit down to read, but in such a way that a man understands that you are here, you are nearby, you are ready for dialogue, for help, for active support at any moment!
• How to support a man when he feels bad, at a distance - once ask how you can help specifically. If nothing, say that he is great, that he is strong and will certainly cope, he should be lucky, etc., that you believe in him and approve of his decisions. Do not talk about the problem in an overly ironic way, even if you want to somehow support a man when he feels bad - this may look in his eyes as a misunderstanding of the seriousness of the troubles, indifference to his affairs, or (worst of all!) - as a ridicule by you himself. Save the sarcasm for later. Either give good advice (if a man asks for it!), Or just assure your loved one that you are sure of him and always support him, no matter how the problem situation develops!

As you understand, supporting a man when he feels bad is more important by creating a calm, cozy atmosphere around him, and not by obsessive chores!

In the life of every person there are crisis, unsuccessful or frankly dangerous periods. Men experience them especially hard, because they are forced to keep their emotions under tight control. Boys are told from childhood: “You must be strong, it is indecent to show weakness, you can’t cry ...” How to support a man in this situation? What should and should not be done by a loving woman?

What words to support a man

How can you support a man

It is difficult to argue with the opinion that great men are made by brilliant wives. This is actually true: not only the atmosphere in the house depends on the woman, but also the mental attitude, the energy potential of her lover. A wise woman should know what words to support a man who suddenly finds himself in a difficult situation, and how to really help him.

The rules are pretty simple.

• If a man is clearly not in the mood, frowns, nervous, answers questions sharply and briefly, and generally behaves unusually, you don’t need to go to him with questions. Obsession will cause irritation, and instead of constructive communication, an unnecessary scandal will result.
• The main rule of a crisis situation is to freeze and not make sudden movements. Behave as usual, do not get into the soul, but observe the situation. Give your husband time, provide silence, lack of fuss and a delicious dinner. If he wants to talk, he will come. You just have to correctly guess non-verbal signals: furrowed eyebrows or ambiguous phrases.
• But if the silence dragged on, you must definitely show your participation. This should be done as delicately as possible. For example, say: “I see something happened, it’s hard and bad for you. I'm here, you can always count on me when you're ready to talk. I will do anything to help you because I love you." No one knows your man better than you, and only you can find the right words.
• You can indicate your closeness, readiness to help without words, just by being nearby. Lie down or sit down, doing something unobtrusive: a book, tablet, handmade (but only if it does not annoy your husband!).
• If he does not mind, you can do a light massage of the back, head, feet. Physical contact brings together and relieves stress at the same time.

The main thing is to show that you understand the complexity of the situation, respect any decision of a man and are ready to help both in deed and in word.

What not to do

What a man definitely does not need is female pity, obsession, excessive sugary tenderness, chatter and stupid fuss. Sympathy and pity are completely different things. The first is constructive and beneficial, gives strength to act and solve the problem, the second is meaningless and destructive.

There is no need to try to relieve tension with artificial liveliness or, God forbid, with unhealthy irony. Both can cause an explosion of aggression, irritation.

It is necessary to take into account both the situation as a whole and individual nuances: the nature of the beloved, temperament, state of health. To understand how to properly support a man, you need to imagine the area of ​​\u200b\u200blife in which the trouble occurred. By choosing the right strategy of behavior, you can maintain harmonious relationships and strengthen your intimacy.

It is impossible to remain indifferent during a difficult period in the life of a loved one. Anyone can be in a prolonged depression, it is important to become support in time and provide all kinds of help. Methods must be effective, and words must be convincing, only then the result will be maximum. What to do if you can’t find words and fall into a stupor at the sight of a suffering person? Do not panic and read the instructions carefully.

8 effective methods of supporting a person in difficult times

Being nearby
Stay in sight, keep your phone on, and be there for a friend 24 hours a day. Stay overnight, if necessary, devote all your free time to a loved one. Show the skills of Sherlock Holmes and identify the true cause of the experience, and then try to eradicate it.

Do not say memorized phrases that only make it worse: “you can handle it,” “time will put everything in its place,” and the like. Make it clear that you are support and support, so you will provide comprehensive assistance.

Distracting maneuvers
Distract the person in every possible way, even if you have to stand on your head or dance on the table. Now it is important to eradicate grief, which soon threatens to develop into a prolonged depression. Contribute to the return of a friend or relative to normal life at least for a few hours a day. Take a trip to a park, a movie theater, a photo exhibition, or a place where there are no people at all.

An excellent option would be home gatherings with pizza or rolls, another option for dishes is possible. Turn on modern comedy, but not with the effect of melodrama, turn up the volume and delve into it. Try to comment on the actions of the characters and change them in your own way. Be tactful, it would be inappropriate to invite to a nightclub where everyone around is drinking and having fun. Although you know better the preferences of a loved one.

Expression of emotions
You can't deal with strong emotions by keeping them deep inside. It is important to throw out all the pain, and you, as a friend, must help in this. Provide an opportunity to show the despair, resentment, disappointment and sadness that hurts the heart.

An improvement in the general condition, both physical and psychological, will occur only after the expression of a storm of feelings. There are times when in such situations a person closes. Provoke him with an appropriate conversation, but watch the reaction and don't overdo it.

Desire to speak out
The ability to listen is valued in the same way as the art of speaking. Listen to all the words of your opponent, do not interrupt. The story can be long and repeated several times, that's okay. Do not make remarks “You already told (a)” or “Stop repeating!”. If a friend does this, then it is necessary.

Take for granted everything that is said and happening, provide support, assent, if necessary. You don't have to sit and ponder who did the right thing and who didn't, or why it happened the way it did. Limit yourself to the use of monosyllabic phrases “yes, of course”, “of course”, “I understand”, “exactly noticed”.

Useful advice
After going through an emotional discharge and many hours of monologue, it is your time to speak. At this stage, share your own thoughts on this or that matter, be persuasive and do not question your words. Give similar examples from your life and tell how you coped with grief (if similar happened before).

Simulate the situation by putting yourself in the position of a friend. Being of sound mind, you have an undeniable advantage to use. Show concern and genuine concern for your emotional state. Perhaps the time has come to gently reason with the person about his erroneous actions and assumptions (if so).

Help
Offer to help around the apartment, do the cleaning and laundry. Pick up the kids from school, go to the store, pay the bills. Prepare or order a delicious dinner by buying a bottle of good wine. Surely you have an idea about the taste preferences of a loved one, play on it.

Of course, it will not be possible to restore the former balance in an instant, but you will clearly ease the situation. Help until the condition returns to normal and life returns to normal. It will take time, as always. This method is considered the most effective among all tested.

Assessment of the situation
It is important to understand the gravity of the situation, not to condemn or reproach. Perhaps a loved one will have unreasonable outbursts of anger, do not answer back. A mental storm makes people look at things differently, show indulgence and patience.

Do you see the absurdity of what is happening? Keep quiet, wait for a convenient moment to report it. Constant irritability is also common, take emotions with humor, turning everything into a joke. If you notice that you yourself are already on the verge, take a walk and gather your thoughts together.

A few steps ahead
Listen to your intuition, watch the reaction to actions and words. Judge by the situation and you will see progress. Do not use template methods, tears do not flow according to schedule. Be two steps ahead of a friend/relative, be always ready.

Man is a purely individual person. What works with one will fail with another. Empathy, constant attention, care - that's what really matters!

Everyone needs a solid shoulder of relatives during an illness. There are a number of recommendations developed specifically for this purpose.

1. Show love and make it clear that you value the person.
2. Prove that the disease did not affect your plans in any way, even if this is not true. It is important to show all the love and care, to make the patient feel needed.
3. Make plans to implement together after discharge. Arrange to go to the movies or visit your favorite bar, work out several options for spending time together.
4. For those who are not seriously ill, buy an interesting present in a comic form, hinting at a speedy recovery.
5. If you are colleagues, repeat more often about boring workdays without your buddy. Share funny stories that happened during your absence.
6. Come to the hospital as often as possible. Share news, contact the patient for advice / help, ask for an opinion.
7. Bring backgammon, checkers or poker to the clinic, borrow a friend. Everyone knows how boring bed rest can be. Have fun together and play pranks on each other if the ailment is not serious.
8. Create a normal room from the ward (as far as possible). Bring personal items from home, place a vase of flowers, or set up the kitchen table with a tablecloth and normal cutlery. If there are no contraindications, order your favorite food, as it is a source of good mood. Who doesn't love delicious food?
9. Download some movies to your laptop or purchase an e-book to brighten up the patient's gray days when he is alone.
10. The above methods are mostly effective for people with mild illnesses, but how to support someone who is seriously ill?

Be there every day, put aside all your affairs and make it clear that now only the health of your loved one is important to you. Buy nice little things, make gifts with your own hands and reveal secrets. Ask for advice, cheer up and do not let the patient lose heart. If he wants to talk about an illness, keep the conversation going and be gentle.

Your loved ones need you in times of despair, grief and emotional distress. Rely solely on intuition, act according to the situation and show indulgence. Look for the right words of support, provide comprehensive assistance, use effective methods of distraction. Show all the love and care you can, be around as often as you can. You know your loved ones well, help them and goodness will return a hundredfold!

Video: words of support in difficult times

How to support a man in difficult times is interesting to many women, because it is not always easy to do. It all depends on the specific situation and the representative of the stronger sex. Each person needs their own individual approach.

How to support a man?

In a difficult situation, men often abstract. It is quite difficult to find an approach to a person who is used to withdrawing into himself. First, it is important to identify the cause. It is especially difficult to understand the situation at a distance. If a person is dear, then you need to try to gently ask him about what happened. However, you should not immediately bother with a lot of questions.

Do not put pressure on a guy when he is feeling bad. He can completely withdraw. Instead, it is recommended to support him, try to motivate and cheer him up. If a person is in close proximity, then just hugs can help. This will give you a sense of security.

How to support a man? If he is strong and hardy by nature, not used to showing his weaknesses, then it is not recommended to feel sorry for him. You just need to ask more questions about what happened, try to find ways to solve the problem. Emphasize the strength of a man, his capabilities and the fact that he will definitely cope with the current situation.

Throughout life, each person has to face different difficulties. It can be minor troubles at work, a quarrel with a loved one, illness or the loss of someone close. And in these difficult circumstances, it is so important to know that there is someone nearby who will not regret warm words of support. After all, one spoken word can heal a bleeding wound or, conversely, cause even more harm.

Today, unfortunately, people underestimate the importance of spoken words. But it is in them that a huge power is hidden, which is capable of both giving life to a person and taking it away. The Bible says: Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat of its fruit". Prov.18:22 As we see, language has power, and despite the fact that this is a small member, but it is he who controls everything.

Why is it so important to express words of support in difficult times?

The fact is that when a person is supported and told that together they will cope with any problem, that there are those who love him and will help him next to him, then by doing this they strengthen the one who is in a difficult situation and give him strength. However, the lack of understanding and support can kill even the slightest hope that everything will be fine.

Words of support to the sick

Unfortunately, in life it also happens that illnesses come into our lives. Some of them are easily cured, others have more serious consequences, and still others lead to death. And when we learn about the illness of a person close to us, it plunges us into shock and bewilderment. However, what does the patient himself feel at this moment? Of course, he suffers more than others. Different thoughts may arise in his head, and it is at this moment words of support for the sick can help him feel not alone, and that there is still hope.

Faced with such a circumstance, everyone understands that something needs to be said, but most often people cannot find the right words, but begin to show pity. This is the last thing the patient needs. Our participation and a kind word is what the patient needs. This is what will help him not worry so much, knowing that he is still loved.

What words of support can be spoken to the patient?

1. You need to tell your loved one that you love him and no matter what happens, you will always be there.
2. Speak compliments, praise for some merit, even the most insignificant. For the patient, this merit can be a real feat.
3. You don’t need to talk about the disease itself and how shocking the news has become for you, it’s better to distract the patient with some good news or, in extreme cases, a funny anecdote.

Any sick person needs words of support and attention. This will help him recover faster and recover faster.

Condolence support words

The loss of a loved one is perhaps the greatest test for everyone. And in this difficult period, a person needs to be given help and attention so that he can go through this path and begin to live a full life again. In this case instead of words of support words of condolence would be appropriate. However, condolences can be different. For example, let's compare two options.

1. "My condolences! Everything will be fine!" - such support seems completely indifferent and sounds more like a formality. How can everything be good if everything is very bad?
2. Or: “Accept my sincere condolences! Know that you can always count on my help. If you need something, I'm always there!" - from such words it really becomes warmer in the soul. After all, knowing that there are people who are ready to help in any situation helps to cope with many difficulties.

So, what are the words to speak in difficult circumstances?

• First of all, these should be thoughtful words. What we say can change a person's life for better or worse. After all every word we say will surely bear fruit.
• If a person himself is in a difficult situation, then there is no need to dwell on his condition and constantly tell everyone how bad everything is. After all, these words will bear fruit. Difficulties will be encountered more than once on our path, so we must learn to extract something positive and good even from the worst. And that's exactly what to talk about.

The Bible says: “I said: I will watch my ways, lest I sin with my tongue; I will bridle my mouth as long as the wicked is before me. Ps.38:2

Our unbridled words can be a blessing or a curse to someone. Therefore, even speaking to someone, it is worth controlling yourself. Unfortunately, very often it turns out that you wanted the best, but it turned out as always. Therefore, sometimes it is better to keep silent than to say some stupidity that hurts a person to the core.

Words of faith in difficult times

There are circumstances in which words of unbelief cannot be spoken.

When you have pressure at work.

When there is no money

Under no circumstances should these words be proclaimed into your life.

"Why?" - you ask. And ask right. Remember research? God created the entire universe with a word. And we are created in His image and likeness.

And therefore, what we say in our life is what we have.

For example.

Example 1. Business.

When I started doing business, for the first 4 months I had practically no orders. Only small ones, or from relatives.

I remember my birthday. I have not had any orders for 48 days, a warm March evening. A friend called me, congratulated me and then casually asked:

"Well, how's business?"

So much went through my head at that moment. But in response, I briskly replied:

"Everything is fine!".

Instead of words of disbelief and despondency, I spoke what I believed.

And isn't that a lie?

No. For the reason that it happened.

Example 2. Relationship with a person.

The principle here is very simple.

Speak not what the soul feels. Because the soul is always like on a roller coaster, sometimes good, sometimes bad.

But say what you believe in your spirit.

And soon what you see will agree with what you say.

An example from the Word of God.

Jesus did just that.

One day a man approached Him, the head of the synagogue, whose daughter was dying. Imagine his grief. The girl he raised with love lies with a disease for which this man had no cure. He turned to God.

22 And behold, one of the rulers of the synagogue, named Jairus, comes, and, seeing him, falls at his feet 23 and earnestly asks him, saying: My daughter is at death; come and lay hands on her that she may be well and live. 24 Jesus went with him. A multitude of people followed Him and pressed Him.

The Lord God always answers the need of man. Jesus went after the leader of the synagogue.

But an event happened on the road that made Jesus stop. Time is very precious. The daughter is dying, the head of the synagogue is terribly worried.

And Jesus at this time is talking to a woman who was healed by touching Him.

35 While he was still speaking these things, they come from the ruler of the synagogue and say, Your daughter is dead; What else do you trouble the Teacher? 36 But when Jesus heard these words, he immediately said to the ruler of the synagogue, Do not be afraid, only believe. 37 And he did not allow anyone to follow him, except Peter, James and John, the brother of James.

See how important words are. The man still believed. But they came from home and said that their daughter had died.

Jesus' first reaction was: "Don't be afraid, just believe."

And the ruler of the synagogue obeyed. He did not utter a single word of disbelief in the most difficult circumstances. He did not fight in hysterics, did not shout at subordinates and did not get angry. He gave the situation to Jesus.

And when Jesus said to him the words "Do not be afraid, only believe" - ​​he did it.

He did not give in to fear. He submitted to faith.

38 He comes to the house of the ruler of the synagogue and sees confusion and weeping and crying loudly. 39 And he went in and said to them, Why are you troubled and weeping? the girl is not dead, but asleep. 40 And they laughed at him. But having sent them all away, He takes with Him the father and mother of the maiden and those who were with Him, and enters where the maiden was lying. 41 And taking the girl by the hand, he says to her: “Talitha kumi,” which means: girl, I tell you, get up. 42 And the maiden immediately got up and began to walk, for she was about twelve years old. Those who saw it were astonished. 43 And He ordered them severely that no one should know about it, and told them to give her something to eat.

There are some amazing things in this story.

1. The way Jesus behaved.

In the East there is a profession - a mourner. At mournful events, such people are invited. But Jesus sent them out despite being laughed at.

And then Jesus spoke words filled with faith and what He proclaimed happened. He didn't ask his daughter to get up. He proclaimed it " girl, I tell you, get up ". And it happened.

But most of all I want to draw your attention to this man.

Indeed, the situation is terrible. A beloved child dies. Nothing can be done. Since he is the head of the synagogue, he is not a poor man, and he has tried everything he can. But nothing helped.

But notice his behavior around the Lord.

In all that time, he only spoke the words once. And they were words of faith. "come and lay hands on her so that she may be well and live."

He spoke words of faith when he came to Jesus. And when it was very difficult, he just kept silent.

But during all this time he never uttered a word of disbelief, a word of fear or doubt. HE did not lament: “Aaaaa, Jesus, my daughter is already dead, lying in the house. How am I going to live now? But you didn't come."

He was silent. And believed.

Sometimes faith is expressed in words. But there are times when it's hard to even say. But shut up and keep believing. And this faith materializes in the fact that you will see the result of faith.

A word of encouragement for difficult circumstances.

First . Your words of support are very important to your neighbor.

Second. In difficult circumstances, do not let your tongue speak words of doubt and disbelief. Because you are surrounded by what you say.