Who should cook in the family. Husband and wife - where is the business? How to distribute household chores in the family. New family traditions

Probably, every woman has thought more than once about the fair distribution of household responsibilities ... Who should cook in the family? How about cleaning up and ironing clothes?

Is it really true that all household duties should be a heavy burden on the shoulders of a fragile woman?

Of course, there is no universal solution. All families are different. It is necessary to take into account the preferences of the spouses, as well as their employment ... There are women who like to run the household. There are women who find it easier to earn money for food from a restaurant than to cook their own soup. Someone works at home for several hours a day ... And someone returns from work later than their husband.

If spouses work about the same, then it would be logical to divide household duties in half, this is nothing complicated. And nothing supernatural. Just the question of “who should cook in the family” is important to discuss with a partner even before starting a life together.

Some believe that men constantly infringe on women. That women are slaves, that society demands from women daily three-course meals, perfect cleanliness in the house, five children and, in addition, a good career.

Here everything determines our attitude towards ourselves. If it seems to us that women are humiliated, then we will constantly feel humiliation, we will attract the same humiliated women to ourselves ... And make sure that the world is unfair. But you can take a completely different point of view. We build our lives the way we see fit. No one can impose their principles on us. The choice of a spouse is voluntary. Of course, there are men who will never agree to go up to the stove for anything in their lives, but who forces women to marry them?

But the problem is not the men. The problem is with women. In women who are ready to take the position of a servant. It's not about those who cook and clean the house on their own. It is only about those who reluctantly perform all household duties and complain about such a life. These women initially agreed to be humiliated. After all, how can you force a person to do something against their will? How can a man (if this is really a man) refuse to help his wife, his beloved person? How can a man who respects his wife calmly relax in front of the TV, while his wife (also a full-time worker) runs around the house, writing dinner? And if the husband does not respect his wife… How did this woman decide to marry him?!

Someone will say: initially there was both love and respect ... Yes, after a couple of years it evaporated. But wait! So, for the first few years, the spouses did everything together, and did not argue about who should cook in the family? And then suddenly the husband refused his duties? Most likely, the wife was carrying the household from the first days ... And the husband is used to this situation ... In any case, joint work around the house only strengthens the union. When both spouses make their contribution to home comfort, love and respect usually only grows.

Therefore, you should not look for a problem outside ... A woman who serves her husband around the clock and suffers from this is not a victim of a tyrant. The world is not to blame for her problems. Not the state, not relatives, not unfortunate acquaintances… But she herself. And only she can change the situation. Love yourself, start respecting yourself... And decide who and how much should cook in the family...

Probably, every woman has ever thought about the fair distribution of household responsibilities ... Who should cook in the family? How about cleaning up and ironing clothes?

One of my good friends complained about the guy. They have been dating for a year now, they are thinking about a wedding, a family, living together ... “But he is still sure that I should cook,” complains a girl who hates the stove, kitchen, cooking, dreams of a career and freedom from household chores.

What to do? How to negotiate with a man? Is it really true that all household duties should be a heavy burden on the shoulders of a fragile woman?

If spouses work about the same, then it would be logical to divide household duties in half. Personally, I do not see anything complicated in this. And nothing supernatural. Just the question “who should cook in the family” is important to discuss with a partner even before they start living together.

I'm sure everything here determines our attitude towards ourselves. If it seems to us that women are humiliated, then we will constantly feel humiliation, we will attract the same humiliated women to ourselves ... And make sure that the world is unfair. But you can take a completely different point of view. We build our lives the way we see fit. No one can impose their principles on us. The choice of a spouse is voluntary. Of course, there are men who will never agree to go to the stove for anything in their lives, but who forces us to marry them?

I have many married friends. I know women of various professions, with very different personalities. And no one, you see, none of them considers all household chores to be their duty! Who should cook in the family? Absolutely everyone Husbands help my girlfriends in the kitchen. To varying degrees ... Someone almost does not need such help. Someone's husband cooked the entire first month after the birth of the baby. In some families, like ours, responsibilities are distributed approximately equally ... Why am I saying this? Because most women don't believe in "cooking" men. After all, if you can’t get some help from your husband ... It’s easier to say “all men are like that, everyone humiliates women, there is no justice in the world”!

But the problem is not the men. The problem is with women. In women who are ready to take the position of a servant. I'm not talking about those who cook and clean the house on their own. I'm only talking about those who reluctantly do all the household chores. and complains about such a life. These women initially agreed to be humiliated. After all, how can you force a person to do something against their will? How can a man (if this is really a man) refuse to help his wife, his beloved person? How can a man who respects his wife calmly relax in front of the TV, while his wife (also a full-time worker) runs around the house, writing dinner? And if a husband does not respect his wife... How did this woman decide to marry him?!

Someone will say: initially there was both love and respect ... Yes, after a couple of years it evaporated. But wait! So, for the first few years, the spouses did everything together, and did not argue about who should cook in the family? And then suddenly the husband refused his duties? Most likely, the wife dragged the household from the first days... And the husband is used to this situation ... In any case, joint housework only strengthens the union. When both spouses make their contribution to home comfort, love and respect usually only grows.

Therefore, you should not look for a problem outside ... A woman who serves her husband around the clock and suffers from this is not a victim of a tyrant. The world is not to blame for her problems. Not the state, not relatives, not unfortunate acquaintances... But she herself. And only she can change the situation. Love yourself, start respecting yourself... And decide who and how much should cook in the family...

The man is the breadwinner, who fully provides for the family, and the woman is the mistress, on whom the comfort in the house and the satiety of all family members depend. A few decades ago, this was exactly the case. Now a lot has changed: women work on an equal footing with men. There has been a redistribution of responsibilities, and the traditional way of life no longer fits into modern realities.

"We were eaten by life." Isn't this phrase the main argument in a divorce? But it seems that it is difficult to decide who and what will do? For example, ironing, washing, cleaning, cooking fall on the shoulders of the wife, and the man is engaged in men's affairs: screwing in light bulbs, nailing shelves. But, you must admit, no one will hammer nails every day, but cleaning and cooking is just something that you can’t get away from. A little unfair, right? A woman comes home from work, and a whole bunch of household chores falls on her shoulders, which she is able to redo only under the threat of a death sentence. Because of this, conflicts arise in the family. To prevent this, it is worth distributing all family responsibilities in advance.

To begin with, all family members need to get together for a family council and decide who and what they would like to do. Maybe the husband loves to cook, and for him it is not only easy, but also a great pleasure. But washing dishes, which is a common thing for you, he does not digest. By the way, do not forget to compare all household chores by degree of difficulty. Otherwise, it will be unfair if you agree to wash dishes, cook and clean, and he becomes the head of changing garbage bags.

If one of the household members is very tired at work, let him take over the work of the house, which does not require much effort. For example, check the children's homework or walk the dog. It is very important to take into account the employment, skills and preferences of each of the household members.

New family traditions

In childhood, we, like a sponge, absorb everything that happens in the family. That is why in adult life we begin to project onto our family the traditions that our parents adhere to. For example, in your family, the father always got up with the children and collected them for school. Therefore, it will be quite natural for you if your husband does the same. However, your family is not your parents' family. And don't forget about it. Now you have new family traditions. It is on this basis that conflicts and misunderstandings often arise. In this case, the main thing is to recognize the problem in time and, no less important, to respond to it correctly.

Say no to gender defamation

Forget the medieval division of labor. Do not divide all responsibilities into male and female. What difference does it make who cooks dinner if it's delicious? By the way, the best chefs are men. However, women, despite such a widespread opinion, can easily hammer a nail and screw in a light bulb. Gone are the days when a woman's place was in the kitchen. Do not be guided by the opinions of others, do what is convenient for you and your family.

Child labour

Involving children in household chores is not only right, but also necessary. Even a small child can collect toys and help parents clean up. Older children can take out the trash or go shopping. They are excellent au pairs, so you can safely give them small tasks.

General cleaning is just what will unite your family even more. That is why try to do everything together. Firstly, this way you will quickly cope with the dust, and secondly, joint work unites. Let the children sort their belongings, put their toys in their places, wipe the dust and water the flowers. What you do with your own hands is valued much more, so in the future they will always try to maintain order.

Small adjustments

Any to-do list will certainly undergo numerous changes. You don't always have to be self-righteous. For example, if it turns out that the husband has an important meeting tomorrow, and the shirt, wash the shirt yourself. This does not mean at all that you once again shoulder all the household chores on your shoulders. It's just helping a loved one. Your husband will be grateful to you if you wash and iron his suit. Don't be afraid to lend a helping hand to each other.

There is safety in numbers

It is important that household responsibilities do not ultimately fall on the shoulders of one person. If the person responsible for the dishes forgot to wash them, or simply did not have time, wash the dishes yourself. However, you should not take everything upon yourself: mutual assistance is important here, and not shifting responsibilities. And if you began to notice that some family members became too forgetful and washing dishes gradually became your responsibility, why not leave the dishes in the sink until dinner? Someone will definitely not get clean forks, and then they will immediately remember that after dinner the dishes had to be washed. Yes, and the washing machine will instantly unload if one morning it turns out that the jeans did not have time to dry, because someone forgot to hang up the laundry. Avoid conflict. Do not make remarks at home: they themselves are well aware of what their forgetfulness and inattentive attitude can lead to. Just talk to each other and make compromises.

kind word

Do not forget to praise each other for a delicious dinner, washed dishes or a clean room. This will be the best motivation for all family members. Having correctly distributed household duties, you will be surprised how much free time you have left for rest, hobbies and communication with each other.

Polina Kuznetsova distributed family responsibilities

The basis of a friendly family is a competent distribution of roles, rights and responsibilities. How is that?

Is it normal if all household chores are on a woman, and a man only watches TV? Or is it right if they do everything together and equally: a husband and his wife cook food, wash floors and wash clothes? Or maybe all household chores should be on the husband, and the wife at this time takes care of herself, as in modern China? There is no one right answer for everyone here. The answers to this question largely depend on how you were brought up, what kind of environment you have, and what kind of relationships you have in your family. For example, there is a WE family and there is a I + I family, and in these different families the issue of the distribution of household chores and responsibilities is solved in their own way. In the WE family, the one who can and knows more has more responsibilities: he is happy to do it. In the I + I family, the one who is more interested in relationships, who is more dependent and who the other can load to a greater extent has a large family load ...

At the same time, it is wrong to think that household chores are only a load: it is also a matter of pride and great opportunities. The one who does little in the family can usually influence little. And the one who invests more in the family, the one in the family has more opportunities to influence, has more rights.

Elementary: whoever takes care of a child, he brings him up in his own way, for himself.

The three main guidelines for the distribution of family responsibilities are 1) individual preferences (who wants what more), 2) skills and abilities (whoever knows how to do what is better, he does it, and 3) benefit (we will entrust the child in the family with what it will be more useful for him to master for his future adult life).

Individual preferences are the simplest and most obvious. For example, someone likes washing dishes more than taking out the trash. And someone can easily grab this garbage on the way to work. It’s hard for a wife to go to the market for heavy purchases, but it’s fun for a man to warm up: he likes it and it’s useful.

At the same time, it has historically developed that men in the family, in principle, are more engaged in earning money, and women - in housekeeping. There is a certain sense in this: men and women differ from each other not only in appearance, but also in character and preferences. It is easier, more pleasant and more interesting for men to work and earn money. Women - raising children and establishing comfort. If that's the case for you, then you're all set. If something does not suit you in this distribution of roles, you can agree on a different distribution of tasks and responsibilities.

How to start discussing all these questions? Take the Family Agreement Questionnaire, it will be of great help to you. The questionnaire will contain questions not only on the distribution of family responsibilities, but also on how to better build relationships, how to resolve various difficult and controversial issues - and how we can live even more friendly.

And one more thing: maybe in family responsibilities we can see not only duties, but also amenities, and also remember for whom you perform them? First, for yourself. You sweep the floor to keep your feet comfortable. You earn money to spend on your own desires. Secondly, no one took you into slavery, no one points a gun at you and does not force you to do something for the benefit of your enemies. You fulfill your duties for your loved ones, near and dear people with whom you live. After all, any household chores are also a manifestation of love, but not at a “high”, but at a simple, everyday level.

If you remind your husband (or wife) of any family matters, it's best to do so with a supportive background. How? It's simple! For example, if your partner is responsible for vacuuming, then you can put a piece of paper on the “tool of labor” itself - a vacuum cleaner - with the words: “I love you! Thank you for the cleanliness that will soon be in our house! Admire and create a positive mood, even before you or your partner has started to do anything. After all, any duties become unloved when we present them as a long and tedious process. Compare those who do not like to wash dishes and do. The former, when they think about this activity, see a mountain of dirty dishes that they have to deal with. The second, just approaching the sink, imagine how clean and beautiful all these plates are on the shelf. The whole point is in an attractive and motivating picture, form it for yourself and your partner.

Well, it's always good to reward yourself for small and big domestic exploits. Most often, we expect praise and pleasant feedback from our partner. Yes, it is really important that the “soulmate” notices our efforts. But you also need to please yourself. Do not expect positive from others, but create a holiday yourself and invite others to it. What do we do for the holidays? We give cards, nice words and goodies to each other. Celebrate even the smallest accomplishments! For example, “we have a cake today because I cleaned the apartment!”. Or write a list of reasons to celebrate - everyday things that you should do. And mark each of them with a tick and pleasant prizes. To some, this method will seem too simple and playful, not serious, but maybe it is more important in a family to be happy than very serious?

And if a man takes on the distribution of household chores and duties, then the most convenient thing for him is to compile a matrix of responsibility, where there will be a list of all household duties - and it is indicated who is involved in these matters (there is a letter U) and who is responsible for this (there is a letter ABOUT). You can see how such a matrix looks like, and if you want to make your own according to the model, and edit it to fit your tasks. I wish you success!