Male jealousy: the cost of love or a bad temper. What to do if the husband is jealous? Psychologist's advice

Jealousy is a very unpleasant thing, it poisons the life of both the jealous and his soulmate. Only in small doses does this feeling stir up a keen interest in a partner. Eastern wisdom "Everything is poison, and everything is medicine, the main thing is quantity" in relation to jealousy is extremely suitable. We will talk about the origins and causes of male jealousy, as well as possible ways to deal with this scourge.

Jealous means I love it!

Many people think that women are more jealous than men. Indeed, we - women - saw our husbands for throwing interested glances at others, looking through their notebooks and SMS messages, arranging scenes because of a call from a work colleague. Of course, women are jealous more often. And yet, female jealousy in most cases is safer, more superficial, and its roots are not so deep, and the consequences are less severe and dramatic.

Things are different with male jealousy. A man usually gets jealous when he thinks his partner is having sex with someone else. And this is already much more serious and dangerous than our worries about the attention and time that a spouse spends on other women. However, jealousy is an integral part of love. She talks about the strength of a man's attraction, about his desire to possess a particular woman. Therefore, it is not surprising that the jealousy of a beloved man can flatter us greatly.

My girlfriend once said with a satisfied look: "Can you imagine, he checked my phone!" And it really was a great happiness for her after an unsuccessful romance with an indifferent cynic. When your man wants to know what you are doing, who you are calling, who you are chatting with, your heart stops with joy: "He cares - he loves me!" If you perceive such actions as an attempt to limit your personal freedom, most likely, your feelings for a man cannot be called love. Some ethologists (ethology is the science of the behavior of animals and humans in their natural habitat) even believe that male jealousy is the main factor that keeps people together in long-term unions. On the other hand, groundless jealousy can hurt and offend sincere feelings: "How could he, how dare he doubt me? I love him. He must trust me." Well, about justified male jealousy and say nothing. These are, as a rule, conflicting, difficult relationships, in which, in addition to jealousy, there are probably deep-seated problems: misunderstanding, dissatisfaction with each other, and so on.

What kind of jealousy are you?!

Jealousy is a complex feeling, an experience. It has a fear of loss, a sense of humiliation, shame, anger, revenge and envy. Psychologists conditionally distinguish three types of jealousy:

• proprietary. Her motto is that a thing should always belong to its owner. The husband strives to make his wife his property, to prove himself as the leader and head of the family as much as possible. Such jealousy is the norm in Eastern cultures, where the woman in the family is completely dependent on the man.
• Jealousy hurt. It is experienced by people with an anxious and suspicious character, unsure of themselves, with an inferiority complex, with a tendency to exaggerate danger. These are notorious tyrants who will test their power over you as soon as they feel that you will not get away from them.
• Reflected jealousy. This is the case when the fisherman tries to see the fisherman from afar. The source of such jealousy is the projection of one's own infidelity onto one's spouse. Yes, men who cheat on their wives can be terrible jealous!

Naturally, pure types of jealousy are rare in life. All stories and situations are complex, individual and have a number of additional external factors. One of them is whether a man gets excited by quarreling with you because of jealousy. If he starts quarrels to provoke bright violent sex, then such jealousy will most likely require the help of a specialist, in particular a sexologist, over time. Because the joy of such "reconciliation" will be less and less for you, because your tears and moral exhaustion really excite him.

Pathological condition

If a person does not care what to be jealous of - the past, present, future, or even non-existent - then this is already a pathology. A jealous person can come up with a lot of non-existent evidence of treason and believe in them himself. "You put on so much makeup to pick up a new lover, right?! The neighbors are already laughing at me, they think that I'm blind and don't understand anything."

Any facts, sometimes completely unrelated to relationships, are interpreted as indisputable evidence of betrayal: a "silent" phone call - "an opponent called, waiting for her to pick up the phone", new beads - "a gift from a friend", a bad mood from his wife - "misses by your lover." In the morbid mind, suspicions turn into real facts.

Pathological jealousy is that jealousy that really poisons the life of both the jealous person and his "victim". Black jealousy takes possession of a person and subjugates all his actions. The accused has to spend a lot of time and effort trying to justify herself, remove suspicions and calm her husband. And it is not always possible to do this. The life of such couples turns into endless scandals. Moreover, a suspected woman may become a victim of beatings and even murder of her enraged husband.

Pathological jealousy can be a symptom of such a serious illness as schizophrenia. At the same time, the man’s speculations are usually fantastic, unrealistic and can be combined with thoughts about poisoning with substances that reduce his potency, or, for example, that his wife is cheating on him when he is sleeping, or that she contracted an STI from her lover, and so on.

There is also jealousy in its "pure form". At the same time, the theory of betrayal is presented outwardly logically, consistently - it is carefully developed and looks plausible. Complex, fantastic interpretations are absent. Memories of some events of the past are reviewed and interpreted in a new way, and the actions of the spouse are currently interpreted in such a way that there is absolute certainty of treason. At the same time, the crazy idea of ​​jealousy does not meet with the resistance of the logic and mind of the sufferer.

Such jealousy can also be called pathological, when a man realizes the groundlessness of his feelings, but cannot do anything about it. These are the so-called obsessions of jealousy. At the same time, pictures of the partner’s infidelity constantly come to mind and it is difficult to think about something else, he limits the partner’s freedom of action, checks and double-checks her actions, for example, calls work 20 times a day. Such men recognize that their fears are unfounded, and therefore experience a sense of shame.

In any case, as soon as there are suspicions of a betrayal of a partner, jealousy quickly covers Othello. Interrogations begin, sudden visits, harassment or the involvement of private detectives to monitor the wife. Jealous people may search the wife's clothes and personal belongings, read her diaries and letters, check her bedding, underwear, and even genitals, looking for evidence of infidelity. They may use eavesdropping devices to record conversations to reveal secret connections, and some go to extreme measures, including violence, to extract confessions. Then aggressive actions towards a partner may be accompanied by a deep sense of remorse, which can lead to suicide.

British scientists conducted a study, as a result of which they found that 20% of people suffering from morbid jealousy made suicide attempts. And UK homicide statistics show that jealousy is responsible for 17% of all homicides!

Why are they jealous?

Evolutionary reasons. Evolutionary psychologists believe that the main human instinct is to leave offspring. And the most important mechanism of male jealousy, in their opinion, is this: no man can be completely sure of his paternity, unlike a woman who always knows who the mother is. And jealousy in this case dictates such behavior, which ensures the absolute sole possession of a woman, allowing you to pass on your own genes, and not the genes of an opponent.

Reasons in character. As already mentioned, the feeling of inferiority, heightened emotionality and lack of a sense of security predispose to jealousy. Probably, such people often unconsciously distort events and information, while some small provoking event (I was 15 minutes late from work, did not pick up the phone) triggers the mechanism of jealousy.

reasons for sex. The reduced sexual function of a man is the most fertile ground for the development of jealousy. Jealousy is quite common among older men and even young men who are unable to satisfy their wives or realize that sex is not their forte.

Alcoholism. Alcoholism is often combined with jealousy and violence against the object of jealousy. Approximately one third of alcoholics who seek specialized help suffer from morbid jealousy.

What to do with it?

Obviously, pathological jealousy and forms close to it are very dangerous and need help from family psychologists, psychotherapists, sometimes sexologists and psychiatrists.

An important rule of behavior with jealous people is to try to get away from excuses to declarations of love and devotion. After all, that's exactly what they want to hear. You should not "on the battlefield" confess to your husband infidelity, even if you want to do it out of hopelessness - "in spite" of a stubborn, stupid jealous man. Such frankness (true or false) can provoke an outbreak of aggression in a husband, and even you can’t imagine how it will end. On your own, you can ensure that the spouse is aware of the problem and wants to solve it. It is important to let him know that you are on his side, and if he recognizes jealousy as your common problem, you are ready to help him. You can try to start with body-oriented exercises. They are often able to help out in critical situations. For example, you can choose some code word that one of you will have to say out loud at a particularly hot moment. And at the same time take a partner by the hand. Thus, it will be possible to signal to the brain that now is the time to stop, calm down, analyze your feelings.

If your conversations and agreements do not bring results, and the man again torments you with outbursts of jealousy or admits that he is forced to harbor painful feelings, but can no longer cope with them, this is a reason to turn to a specialist.

Recently, for the treatment of jealousy, along with individual sessions of psychotherapy and psycho-analysis, support groups for jealous people, created on the same principle as the groups of anonymous alcoholics, are increasingly successfully used. People united by a common problem gather to tell their stories and listen to others, including those who have already managed to overcome this disease.

If jealousy cannot be tamed by fidelity, love, professional intervention, perhaps the best thing you can do is to leave before it's too late, because usually the more a person suffers attacks and bullying, the more unbridled the jealous person becomes. And that's not what makes us happy.

Text: Alexandra Varshal

All men are jealous. There is no representative of the stronger sex who is not familiar with this feeling. Some react violently, others diligently hide what they consider shameful and unworthy. But you can safely challenge the assertion of a woman who proves that it is her husband who is free from this vice. A man is not jealous in only two cases: either you do not give the slightest reason for jealousy, or he is indifferent to the fate of your relationship. So, excluding both situations, we have a problem that exists a priori, and it remains only to conduct a qualitative analysis, or, more precisely, to find out

How do men get jealous?

Sometimes you can find assurances that a small fraction of jealousy has a beneficial effect on relationships - but here they are based solely on the female vision of the situation. Every flirtation with a colleague, a mysterious call and suspicious activity on the Internet knock one stone out of the foundation of a man's love and trust in you. And when there are too many pebbles, the relationship will simply collapse: men do not know how to heal the wounds inflicted by jealousy even many years ago.

What are the causes of the disease?

Jealousy has nothing to do with love. One could even say that these feelings are mutually exclusive. Jealousy is a pure manifestation of fear: the fear of being alone, of losing control over a partner, of being overly dependent on relationships. Most often, we know male jealousy, the causes of which lie in low self-esteem.

In the view of such a man, a woman is too good for him - after all, he does not have the figure of an ancient Greek athlete and the salary of an average oligarch. The opposite situation: he is convinced that a woman is a fickle and weak creature, an easy prey for more promising males. The woman, on the other hand, makes her contribution by criticizing the man and expressing constant dissatisfaction, which ultimately forms in him a feeling of his own inferiority and inferiority.

Unfortunate past experiences are just as influential: a man's jealousy can be as much a result of the trauma of a child who has been denied parental love, as it is the experience of an adult who has gone through the nightmare of betrayal. Such memories are not forgotten for years and provoke a denial of trust in women in general.

Let's complete this set with the “icing on the cake”: propaganda of permissiveness with an emphasis on free and uncommitted relationships. Sadly, this stream forms a distorted picture of the world in quite adult men. It seems to them that “no one owes anything”, that fidelity is no longer considered a virtue, that personal freedom is more important than any feelings there, and that a woman’s betrayal is inevitable – exactly like in all modern films.

The result is constant emotional hunger. The jealousy of a man in a relationship is a dissonance between the expected and received positive impressions, and such dissatisfaction will certainly cause

External signs of jealousy

You are probably familiar with this model of male behavior. The process begins with innocent questions: “Where have you been, with whom did you communicate, how did you spend your day?” Not having received a rebuff, the jealous person turns to discontent, and then to aggression against alleged competitors who happen to be near you. When there are none left under the threat of physical harm, the man begins to control your every step: he needs a minute-by-minute daily schedule, all contacts on the phone, correspondence on social networks. Any inconsistency in ten minutes looks like a guilty verdict.

And what does the woman do? That's right, he thinks: “Here it is, love! Just look at this passion!” - and fuels the man's jealousy with petty provocations. The jealous man finally loses his head and with scandals leads bans on too open clothes, cosmetics and girlfriends who set a “bad example”. Soon, the woman is left with a choice: voluntarily imprison herself or break off relations with this homegrown Othello.

There is jealousy and implicit, repressed, based on the male stereotype of shame and condemnation of this possessive feeling. However, no one has yet managed to win the war with the subconscious, and you can sometimes see how a man hides jealousy:

• he suddenly begins to take a keen interest in your work, girlfriends and especially male acquaintances;
• he tries to casually start a conversation on the painful topic of flirting, betrayal and fidelity;
• he suddenly becomes nervous, easily excitable, quick-tempered. Or vice versa, gloomy or withdrawn, and it is impossible to get a confession from him about the reasons by the usual methods of interrogation.

Unfortunately, women most often misinterpret these signals - and then one day, having such a reserved subject as an experimental subject, you do not notice that the repressed jealousy inside him has already reached an explosive state. It seems to you that feelings have cooled down, that it’s time to add spice - and, taking advice from glossy magazines for truth, decide what will help you

Jealousy in small doses

All men are unique, advice is stereotyped, and the editors are not responsible for your personal life. Therefore, before trying a radical remedy on your man, try to mentally imagine your reaction in his place. How would you react to the mysterious behavior, mysterious calls and texts at two in the morning? Badly? Why do you think he will react differently?

Men are characterized by excellent memory and consistent logical thinking. If you bought yourself “flowers from an admirer” six months ago, and last winter you were regularly “late from work” - then be sure: this time he will put all the pieces of the mosaic together and draw very unpleasant conclusions ...

Below we give some relatively safe ways that clearly demonstrate how to arouse jealousy in a man:

• Significantly change your behavior and appearance. Start using other perfumes, dye your hair, change your style of clothing. Your chosen one will be puzzled by such changes and will begin to take a closer look at you;
• Find something interesting to do outside of his company. Sign up for a gym, go dancing, go bowling with your friends. Believe me, he knows perfectly well how many competitors there are per square meter;
• Stay out of his control for some time, do not immediately answer calls and messages, sometimes be a little late from work.

Note: formally, there is nothing reprehensible in these methods. Everything is easy to explain with logical reasons, there seems to be no reason for indignation. But let's not forget about the male fantasy - she will finish painting colorful pictures for him!

We categorically do not recommend trying such popular techniques as "fictitious rival", "mystery admirer with flowers", calling from unknown numbers, flirting with a stranger - this only works on teenagers on a first date. A mature man is more likely to doubt your fidelity and question the expediency of further relationships. You, having seen how male jealousy manifests itself, will understand that you overdid it: it's time to figure out

How to calm a man

The worst of the recommendations is to leave a man alone with his fears, to refuse communication. Do you think that alone he realizes the inadmissibility of such behavior? No matter how: your demonstrative departure will only confirm his suspicions. The jealous person is already punishing himself by experiencing an uncontrollable negative reaction - why add fuel to the fire? There are more effective ways to calm male jealousy:

• talk to a man in a calm or even joking tone, try to prove that he is simply the meaning of your life, the only and inimitable one. It is also useful to periodically raise his self-esteem, admiring the size of the salary, the volume of the biceps and the skillfully nailed shelf;
• spend more time with him, organize regular joint leisure. If you overdo it a little in imposing your society on a man, in a week the failed jealous man himself will ask for mercy;
• play in the "mirror", imitating reciprocal jealousy with the same force. A discouraged Othello may well realize the absurdity of his behavior;
• sometimes it’s enough just to be in touch and coordinate your plans with a man. Is it difficult to call and say that you are late at work or met a friend? Do you think this infringes on your women's freedom? Don't want to give him a reason to control you? Relationships in which you value freedom so much are meaningless;
• evaluate yourself through the eyes of a man and think - what if he really has a reason for jealousy? Are you too friendly with colleagues, is your skirt long enough?

For any peoples of the world, traditions for thousands of years have prescribed a married woman to make changes in her wardrobe so as not to embarrass other applicants, and thirty years of the sexual revolution are not ways to cross out these traditions. Therefore, from a male point of view, any woman in a short skirt with bright makeup and a breathtaking neckline demonstrates with her whole appearance that she is in an active search for a partner and is ready to consider options. Now do you understand how the spouse of this person feels?

If these methods do not help bring the jealous person to his senses, attacks and nit-picking continue - you may have encountered such a phenomenon as

pathological jealousy

Unfortunately, this painful reaction can no longer be corrected by traditional human methods - only regular injections of haloperidol will help the patient. It is quite difficult to miss the moment when, out of fear of losing a loved one, pathological jealousy develops in men: everything starts quite harmlessly. However, in the end, the patient may end up in any of the three stages of the disease, and the last one is subject to urgent hospitalization:

1. The dominant idea is the initial stage in which a man experiences torment, getting into a situation with a loss of control over the object of adoration. This is everyday jealousy, the signs of which disappear when the usual order of things is restored;
2. Self sufficient idea. The jealous person at this stage is constantly looking for evidence of infidelity, organizes surveillance or interrogations with passion, reacts violently to the appearance of potential rivals in the control zone;
3. Delusional state. The last stage, at which the patient no longer needs any evidence. He is unshakably sure that his wife is cheating on him, threatening his health or life. A man loses control over the manifestations of his jealousy and becomes dangerous to himself or others.

Characteristically, the state of pathological jealousy in men can be both a consequence and a cause of traumatic impact. Science knows precedents when a rejected admirer or a deceived husband tormented themselves to such a state that they became welcome guests in closed clinics.

Conclusion

Unfortunately, jealousy is considered nothing more than a bad character trait: others are sure that a jealous person can stop it at any moment, simply by pulling himself together. In reality, one has to deal with a deformation of the personality, which, in minor manifestations, warms the female soul, creating an illusory impression of ardent male love, and in extreme forms, it turns the life of the jealous person and his loved ones into an endless nightmare. It is probably better to exclude such a dangerous thing from a harmonious relationship.

Almost every couple, and subsequently a married couple, has experienced jealousy, which can come from both men and women. If in some couples this happens only a few times a year, then in others, lovers face the problem of jealousy almost every day.

Naturally, this has a detrimental effect on relationships between people. There are cases when spouses divorced solely because of the constant jealous attitude towards their partner of one of the spouses, which led to constant scandals.

Who is more jealous: men or women

In the course of the experiment, in which 910 married couples took part, scientists found that women were more jealous. Of the women surveyed, 14% admitted that they love to read the e-mail of their faithful, until they notice it. At the same time, 13% respond to messages addressed to spouses without their knowledge. In men, these figures are much less.

However, in reality, it turns out that male jealousy is much worse than female jealousy. If it is not so difficult for a girl to prove that she is one and only for a man, then it is much more difficult to prove the same to a representative of the strong half of humanity from a female person.

Causes of jealousy attacks in men

Diffidence

Self-doubt can have a variety of reasons. As a rule, young people suffer from self-doubt, or men who have reached middle age, whose self-esteem suddenly drops to zero. In the depths of their souls, such men have a fear that their beloved wife, at any good opportunity, can find someone better than him.

In particular, self-doubt arises on the basis of shortcomings in appearance (for example, if a man is overweight or short), or the lack of self-fulfillment in life as a family earner (the wife receives a much higher salary).

Instead of becoming better than he is at the moment, a man prefers to spend all his energy on quarrels and scandals with his beloved woman, who accepts him for who he is.

Provocation by a woman

A woman can specifically give reasons for jealousy to her husband, so that he pays attention to her. Thus, she wants to feel her need for her lover. To do this, she does not always start an affair on the side. To carry out an insidious plan to create the appearance that she had someone else, the young lady can ask her friends to help her. While the real “one more” man may not exist at all.

Rich imagination

Impulsive men with great imagination can invent non-existent scenes of betrayal themselves, which, in fact, causes a scandal between spouses. In fact, there is no reason for concern and cannot be.

Ownership instinct

Men with high self-esteem may suffer from the instinct of the owner. Most often, jealousy scenes occur if a woman shows a man her independence from her. In turn, the man tries to immediately put his wife in her place, arranging scenes of jealousy, since, in his opinion, female independence is the first bell to worry.

One actor play

The game of the theater of one actor has a basis in the form of alcohol intoxication. Being in a sober state, a man does not even think about arranging a scene of jealousy for his other half. Drinking alcohol contributes to the activation of the “I am a male” mode, according to which practically any action of a woman (for example, returning from work later than usual) can cause a scandal based on imaginary jealousy.

Emotional discharge

Constant tension and stress must have an outlet. For some men, the scene of jealousy is an opportunity to throw out all their accumulated emotions outward. At the same time, representatives of the strong half of humanity do not at all take into account the fact that during such scenes the emotional state of their other half suffers.

How to calm the jealous?

Despite the fact that it is not so easy to calm a jealous man, especially in those cases when he is sure that he is right, it is still worth trying to prove to a man that he has no reason to worry. There are several basic techniques on how to properly calm a raging jealous man:

Minimum cause for jealousy

Having lived for several years with a loved one under the same roof, a woman will surely be able to easily say what exactly causes jealousy in her husband. Knowing about the "sore points" of her lover, the wife should try not to give any hearth for jealousy.

For example, by excluding late calls to your mobile phone (having warned your girlfriends and friends about this in advance), or by not leaving pages on social networks open on a personal computer or other devices. Despite the fact that at first it will be quite difficult to keep track of all this, later the woman will protect herself from jealousy from her beloved husband.

Raising a man's self-esteem

If the reason for jealousy lies in the fact that a man is not confident in himself, in order to avoid scenes in the future, a woman should try to raise her lover's self-esteem. To do this, it is necessary to tell him as often as possible that he is the most beautiful, smart and kind man who completely suits her.

Discussion of problems

All the problems that have arisen in a couple must be learned to discuss calmly without scandals. The wife should try to convey to her husband that he is the only man in the whole world who is interested in her. Naturally, it is necessary to say this not only in words, but also to prove it with your actions. It is possible that a man just still lacks various manifestations of love in order to feel needed. Due to the lack of confidence in their usefulness, a man may experience attacks of jealousy.

Ignoring jealousy

Some men, with the help of jealousy, try to attract the attention of the second half to their person. If a woman stops paying attention to his antics, her lover will understand that this method does not work, and will stop making baseless scandals, explaining it all with her imaginary jealousy.

When a person is born and grows, he has a lot of new feelings. He puts up with some, refuses others over time, and some will arise from time to time. For example, jealousy. How to deal with this feeling? Find answers below.

What is jealousy

A person can get rid of something only after he can establish the cause. After all, as you know, there is no point in fighting the investigation. Although some actively practice it with jealousy. And what is this feeling? Jealousy is a feeling that arises in a person when his loved ones give their attention to someone else. At this moment, resentment and suspicion arise in the soul that we are not loved, appreciated, not respected.

Jealousy is usually a one-time feeling. It occurs at the moment when a partner flirts with a "dangerous" competitor. And this is quite normal. But if the feeling covers you headlong on a daily basis, you should think about how to deal with jealousy.

Kinds

• Resentment for the past. This is one of the most common types of jealousy and, admittedly, the most stupid. Girls are jealous of their chosen ones to their ex-wives and children. But after all, a person who has made mistakes in the past no longer has the opportunity to change them. Children cannot be thrown out of the heart or out of the head. They stay with the person forever. And you need to understand that if a man takes care of his child and maintains a warm relationship with him, then this is commendable. Love is enough for everyone. But many girls do not understand this.
• Mirroring. This kind of jealousy mainly affects unfaithful husbands. They cheat on their wives and look at mistresses. It seems to them that if they are capable of betrayal, then their soulmate may well go for treason.
• Tyranny. People are all selfish. Some to a greater extent, others to a lesser extent. And it's terrible when a person does not leave free space for his soulmate. He sincerely believes that if it is everywhere, in the head and in sight, then it will be impossible to commit treason. But it is precisely this overprotectiveness that leads a person to infidelity.
• Lack of love in childhood. Unloved children are afraid that it will be like this for the rest of their lives. They grow up and become very suspicious. They feel like they just don't deserve love.
• Alcoholism is a disease. And as a consequence, it often leads to jealousy in the drinker. In a state of dope, a person is capable of many things: beatings and rape. In this way, he tries to drown out his inferiority, pouring it out on loved ones.

Causes

• Fear of loss. A person suffering from a sense of inferiority is often jealous of his soul mate. It seems to him that everyone around his partner is better than himself. As a result, there is a fear of losing a loved one.
• Fear of loneliness. A person is afraid that he will be left alone and will never find anyone better. In this case, excessive guardianship and the imposition of one's own candidacy may occur.
• Fear of what people will say. An inferior person is always afraid of being inferior to others. He tries to appear outwardly strong and self-confident, while cats are scratching at heart.

Men's opinion

Representatives of the stronger sex, according to statistics, change more often. But this does not mean that they are less likely to experience feelings of jealousy. Indeed, even in the case when all attention is focused on his mistress, a man still manages to think about his wife. After all, often the representatives of the stronger sex go to treason to refresh their feelings. They don't want a divorce, they just need to make sure they made the right choice. A jealous wife in this case is an indicator of quality for them. Many change in order to bring novelty into the relationship in this way. The quarrel and the reconciliation that follows can bring new passion and support love.

When asked how to deal with jealousy, men prefer not to look for an answer. It’s easier for them to keep everything in themselves, and then pour out their feelings during a quarrel. Why is this happening? Men believe that by expressing their insecurity in female fidelity, they appear weaker. Therefore, it is easier for them to experience everything inside.

Women's opinion

The phrase "jealous wife" can be heard quite often. Why? Women argue that they are not afraid to open their emotions. Therefore, as soon as a girl suspects her chosen one of treason, even if it is completely unreasonable, she will tell him everything she thinks. We must give women their due, because they rarely ask themselves how to deal with jealousy. Girls are creatures that rely on their emotions. Therefore, when they have a feeling of jealousy, then for them it is an indicator that a man they care about is in danger, and a competitor can take him away.

At this moment, thoughts begin to arise in the woman's head about how to return the chosen one, and not how to get rid of a harmful, and possibly unjustified feeling. A jealous husband for any woman is almost a godsend. Girls like to be taken care of, they often call and show signs of attention. And if it does not cross all boundaries, then such relations will be stable and strong.

Expert opinion

But psychotherapists do not always believe that the saying "jealous means love" is true. After all, there are many other explanations for this feeling. Self-doubt is one of the most common reasons for jealousy. I must say that it has nothing to do with love. It's more like a little boy being jealous of his favorite toy that his neighbor took from him. And he does not want to play with her at the moment. Just the feeling that someone will possess your property is haunting.

A jealous husband is not always a gift, experts say. A man who cannot control his emotions and makes a scandal for any light flirting with a former classmate is not the norm. Girls in a fit of love cannot always see a tyrant in a man, which he will become as soon as a stamp appears in the passport and rose-colored glasses fall off.

How to deal with jealousy? The advice of a psychologist is this: increase your self-esteem and put up with the idea that no one belongs to you. Every person is free to do what they want. And if your soulmate decides to cheat, then she will commit it, regardless of all the surveillance and prohibitions.

Jealousy - is it normal?

Any feeling that appears in a person can be considered normal. You just need to be aware of why it appeared. After all, only by finding out the causes of jealousy, you can deal with its consequences. Yes, being in the situation itself, it is not always possible to analyze it impartially, but this can be done later, at home. The main thing is not to make trouble right away. For example, your missus is flirting at a friends party with some girl. No need to go to him and make a scandal.

Nothing to occupy the mind? Try to remember the situation thoroughly. Take a picture of a girl in your head, remember her behavior, and if you are standing nearby, then you should pay attention to what she says and how exactly she does it. Then think about what in it could attract your husband or boyfriend. Perhaps she is pretty, or maybe she knows how to carry on a conversation that you are not able to maintain. In this case, you should improve your knowledge in the area of ​​​​interests of your missus or go to a beauty salon to improve your appearance a little. In general, it should be understood that jealousy that occurs from time to time is a normal phenomenon. The main thing is to learn to understand yourself and find its true cause.

Jealous means love?

Realizing that the feeling is normal, many girls will remember the old saying. It cannot be said that it is not true. Rather, there is a half-truth behind it. If you are jealous from time to time, then this is normal and even pleasant. Self-esteem rises. Now imagine that after each outbreak of jealousy there is an interrogation with addictions. Your partner starts a tantrum, on the topic "you do not love me at all and do not understand my feelings."

If this is repeated every week, such quarrels will bring nothing but irritation. There is no talk of love here. In this situation, it should be understood that the person considers you property. If no arguments help, feel free to leave. Jealousy is not always a manifestation of love; often tyranny is hidden under it.

Is there jealousy for no reason?

This is an interesting question, and it can definitely be answered in the affirmative. Yes, some people are jealous for no reason. How to deal with it? The most logical option is to inspire confidence in your partner. After all, only a heavily downtrodden person needs constant confirmation of love. Good relationships are built on trust. But if it is absent, jealousy begins, even unfounded. Talk to your significant other more often. If your life partner knows where and with whom you spend time, and most importantly, will be able to verify this information, he will become much calmer.

How to deal with your jealousy

As you already understood, it makes no sense to eliminate the consequence, you need to deal with the cause. And there can be many reasons for jealousy. And if this feeling visits you every week, you need to have a psychotherapy session. Sit back and think about why you are haunted by the fact that the other half periodically flirts not with you. Perhaps you don't consider yourself beautiful? Then go to the hairdresser and make-up courses. And if it seems that intellectual development is not up to par, start reading books. But what if you are jealous not because of low self-esteem? Then you should talk frankly with the chosen one. Perhaps the feelings have cooled down, and he openly admits this. Then you should ignite the former love by adding more romance to the relationship.

How to deal with someone else's jealousy

If you understand yourself - it is quite difficult, but feasible, then someone else's soul is always dark. Of course, if you have known a person for many years, then it will be easy for you to determine the cause of jealousy. But if the relationship is just starting, it will be difficult to force the partner to open up. Only frankness can help here. And it will only work if two people want to get closer.

If the partner is ashamed of his feelings, which he considers shameful, he may close. In our country, it is not customary to use the services of a psychotherapist. Therefore, try talking to your significant other's friends and parents and find out why jealousy occurs. And only then think, it is worth raising his self-esteem, or you should just behave more modestly. After all, perhaps it is you who really give rise to constant jealousy. And this, it should be noted, is also more visible from the outside.

Pathological jealousy - what is it?

This concept describes severe cases of mental illness. Usually a person who suffers from morbid jealousy is mentally ill. This may be due to drug use, alcoholism, or simply mental disorders due to stress. How to deal with pathological jealousy? You cannot help a person on your own. You should contact a specialist. He will prescribe treatment, which will include both a course of psychotherapy and the necessary medications. And if a person is dangerous to society, then he will be placed in a psychiatric hospital.