A very sad story of love and death. A very sad story of love and death… Love stories to death

A very sad story of love and death.

Phone call. 2am. - Hello. I love you. - Hi (smiles). - How are you without me? Sorry it's so late... - Yes, nothing. Leshka, I missed you so much, when will you arrive? - The sun, there is just a little bit left, just a couple of hours and I'm at home. Let's talk, otherwise I've been driving for 10 hours, I'm tired, I have no strength, and your voice invigorates me and gives me strength. “Of course, let's talk. Come on, tell me how your business trip ended? Cheated on me, probably (smiles)? - Lyubanya, how can you joke like that, I love you so much that I don’t even look at anyone. And at work I managed to do a lot, a lot. I am sure that after all this I will at least raise my salary. Here. And how do you feel? Is our baby pushing? - Pushing ... this is not enough to say, I don’t understand what I did to him. And, you know, usually, when I hear your voice, it is calmness itself, but now something, on the contrary, has dispersed. Why did you decide to go into the night? I would have rested, but I was driving, otherwise ... Tell me how you left. - Well, how, how: after the last negotiations, I got into the car, drove to the hotel for things and moved towards the house. Somewhere in the second half of the journey, an hour and a half ago, don't worry, I switched off, but just for a couple of seconds. Everything is fine, thank God, but feeling tired again, I decided to call you so as not to fall asleep again. "So how can I not be worried?" Wait a second, the city is calling. At a time like this, who could it be? Wait a second. - Sotnikova Love? - Yes. Who is this? - Senior Sergeant Klimov. Sorry it's so late, we found a car that was in an accident. According to the documents, the person inside is Aleksey Valeryevich Sotnikov. Is this your husband? - Yes. But that can't be, I'm just talking to him on my cell phone right now. Hello, Lyosha. Lyosha, answer! They tell me that you've crashed. Hello! In response, only a slightly audible hiss of the speaker. - Ale. I'm sorry, but I actually just talked to him. “Sorry, but that's not possible. The medical expert stated that death occurred about an hour and a half ago. I'm really sorry. Excuse me, we need you to come for identification. How much you need to love and want to return home in order not to notice death ... Every April 15, she and her son come to him at the cemetery. Alyoshka is an exact copy of his father. And he often says: "Hi, I love you" - this was his dad's favorite expression. He knows that his parents loved each other very much, he knows that his parents were looking forward to his appearance, he loves them very much. And also, every time he comes to the cemetery with his mother, he approaches the stove, hugs it as much as he can and says: “Hi, dad” and begins to tell how he is doing, how he built a house out of cubes, how he drew a cat, how he scored his first goal, how he loves and helps his mother. Luba constantly, looking at her son, smiles and tears run down her cheek ... A young handsome guy smiles from a gray gravestone, as before. He will always be 23 years old. Thanks to the master, who even conveyed the expression of his beloved eyes. From below, she asked to make an inscription: “You left forever, but not from my heart ...” His cell phone was never found at the accident site and she expects that someday he will definitely call her again ..

This is a story, the end of which we will never know... She was 15. She was in love... Her love was either reciprocal, or maybe not... And is there any love at all? If yes, why is it needed? If not, then you can see it...
It was a quiet autumn evening. It was raining... She was going where she herself did not know, and kept thinking, why? Why? For what? ... She met with a guy for about six months. Recently, her very often dark thoughts ... More and more often she thought about parting, about death, about what would happen next and whether there was life after death ... And all this was only because they began, as it seemed to her, to move away from each other, or maybe it was just a transition to a new level of their relationship ... Her soul and heart were torn into two parts. One part keeps saying: he loves you, fool, he just doesn't know how to express his feelings. The other me, on the contrary, he doesn’t love you for a long time, and you already understand it yourself ... Don’t torture him and yourself ... You know, the longer you are with him, the more painful it will be for you. So why are you doing this?! For what?! Do you like to suffer?
She walked along the edge of a knife... She understands that if she reaches the end, then happiness, joy and love await her... Well, if she fails, then perhaps her story will end there... So she goes on her way, but lately it has become more and more difficult to go straight... Of course, her friends have always supported her, but... but this medicine will not help for long...
A month has passed and nothing has changed ... And so she took the last step. She decided to leave, preparing for this for a long time. On the way to this event, she shed a lot of tears, spent a lot of nerves, and generally thought about hitting the brakes. But no, she has already decided everything, and there is no going back.
And now that day has come! Winter… Snow-white evening… She walked… Went to their last meeting. For the last time, she kissed his tender lips, hugged him, said ... Their meeting came to an end and she said:
“Sunny, I need to talk to you,” she said.
"Yes, I'm listening to you," he said in response.
- We ... We need to leave ...
- But why?! What's happened?
- Do not ask me to explain everything, we have talked about this more than once. But you didn’t understand anything like that ... - she answered, and in her voice it was heard that she was on the verge of hysteria.
She was about to leave when he grabbed her hand. She turned to him.
- Wait, I understand everything. It's just… I just don't know how to express my feelings,” he said.
- Sorry, but I heard it more than once, - she answered and hurried to leave.
She left, and he kept looking after her ...
She kept walking ... And tears flowed down her cheeks, she understood that she could not live without him. If it does not exist, then there is no reason to live. She came home, went to bed ... In the morning she firmly decided to leave. She did not go to school, but went to the nearest high-rise building. She went up to the roof and decided to take a step forward, but she could not make up her mind ... For an hour she tried to do it, and now she did it ... She stepped into the void ... And then it was all over ... The pain no longer bothered her ... Worries left her ... And only one thing she regretted most of all, she could not say goodbye to everyone, could not tell her beloved how much she loves him ...

I love you...
-...
-Why are you silent?
-...
- Maybe that's enough?
-...
- I came to speak, not to conduct a monologue.
-...
-All. I understood. You don't love me anymore... Answer me! This is true?
-Yes.
-Goodbye.
-Where are you going.
- Away from you and from all this life.-Home what?
- You'll find out soon enough. I'll go where no one comes from...
She was moving away from him at a fast speed and the words became unintelligible... If only he knew where she was going to go...
-Hi, mom! -daughter ran home and kissed her beloved mother on the cheek.
-Um... Hello...-Mom was extremely surprised by her daughter's behavior, since she hadn't talked to her like that since she was eight years old...
- Mom, cook pliz pancakes! A lot of! So many! I haven’t eaten your pancakes for so long ... - with these words, the daughter ran away to her room.
- Well... If you want... - Mom was in a little confusion. Couldn't she guess why her daughter needed pancakes?! She hates them... But her mother's heart was warmed by such a request and she did not attach much importance to it... But in vain...

Having run into her room, she fell on the bed ... Tears flowed down her cheeks ... He does not love her. She guessed, but... In her soul glimmered to the last hope, which he finally destroyed today. Love. Lived in her heart for fifteen years. Is it a lot? Maybe not, but she was able to love him. She is already mature at heart. She is not like other girls who change guys like gloves, it's their way of life. And she lived only for them. When she was next to him, something happened. Where did the whole world go? And only he ... Now for the last time she experienced this feeling. She knew she would die. That will not die like everyone else. And because of love. She will kill herself. Today. In two hours. Exactly at 00:00 hours. After all, it was at this time that he and she met. It was at this time that the whole world turned upside down... But then it turned over from love, and now... In two hours it will turn over, but from death... The smell of pancakes tickled her nostrils... Mom...
- I'm sorry... - the girl whispered. - I love you, but I love him more... I'm sorry...
Pain. Severe pain burned through the girl's heart. Soul... She was scarred. After all, life threw her from side to side. Not wanting to give a piece of happiness. But why? Fate. She is cruel. The girl knew it. She knew that she would become an angel. And will always see him. His bottomless green eyes... Ah... His eyes. 22:30. An hour and a half ... This air, something is not right in it. He feels the approach of death. He is cold. The pillow was soaked with her tears. Useless tears, but only they helped her to endure. How often did she cry? How many nights she did not sleep, only she knows about it ... Now only she ... Nobody will know. Sheet of paper, touching letter:
-Sorry! Cute! I loved you, but you... You didn't understand me. I am no longer destined to live in this world. 'Cause I feel like it's going to be life without you. I will be free from pain. I guess I'm weak, but you don't understand what a pain it is...
She folded her latest manuscript into a neat square and tucked it into her jacket pocket. Leave the room.
- Anna, where are you? But what about pancakes? -Mom came up with a kind smile on her face ... This made Anya feel even more sick, she wanted to cry
-Mom, I need to go, I'm sorry, I'll definitely eat this yummy ... - She kissed mommy on the cheek goodbye and quickly slipped out the door ...
“Only not later than twelve home!” Mom shouted after her.
Anya took a deep breath and walked away.

When she went outside, it began to rain heavily... This is her friend. He always supported her and now did not want her to leave this life.
-Nothing, she said into the void, I'm not going anywhere, I'll be there, in heaven, with you.
But the rain did not understand her and continued to pour and whip her cheeks even harder. She ran there... There, where he and she met... It was a beautiful cliff from which you can see the whole city, and under the cliff there was a gaping void and somewhere below the river roared. It was here that Anna decided to die. 23:50. Ten minutes. The rain is over. And the air was humid. She sat and listened to the silence, which was occasionally broken by the sound of the river... 23:55. Suddenly, footsteps were heard somewhere in the distance. Someone was walking here. But for now, he was far away. She knew it. 23:58. The steps were getting closer. 23:59. Last minute. She stood on the edge of the cliff. The countdown went on for seconds. And suddenly he came out into the clearing. From surprise, she stumbled and ... Almost flew down. He managed to grab her hand. Her eyes were filled with tears and looked at him with such sadness
- Anya, I hold you, I love you, I'm a fool. - Her hand slowly slipped out.
-Now I'll take you out...
- No ... - Anya shook her head and let go of his hand ... She flew for only three seconds and stared into his eyes. Those three seconds felt like an eternity. The world was torn apart by love and death. His eyes were filled with horror, and in the darkness of the abyss her gentle voice dissolved:
-I love you...
"I love you too..." he whispered...
00:30. He sat on the edge and did not think about anything. Then he took out a mobile phone. He called someone and ... Nobody saw him again ...

The police and the ambulance arrived quickly.
Later, another car came to the cliff and the mother of the bereaved girl ran out.
-No! No! .. No ... - she screamed and fell on her knees in front of the lifeless and bloody body of her daughter ...
Eyo was buried on this cliff.
And the legend says that if you come there at 23:59, you can see two young people. girl and boy,
sitting on the edge of the cliff, and at exactly 00:00 they will get up and fall into the abyss... She went to where no one has ever returned, and he disappeared.
He died.
But they didn't find his body...

Perhaps more disgusting weather for December is difficult to imagine. The thermometer is at zero for the fourth day. Light rain is falling from the sky, ice has treacherously lurked at the bottom of the puddles, waiting for the belated pedestrian to fall into the water with all his might. It’s good if the clothes get dirty, but it can get into an “injury”.

So let me start my story...

That day, I walked along the sidewalk like a sapper, groping for the safest path with American berets, trying to stay on the treacherous ice and shivering from the wind. Even the New Year's Eve lights were not pleasing to the eye. From the windows shone cosiness, warmth. It seemed that people were doing well - the family was together, watching TV, discussing plans for the holidays. And I'm walking aimlessly through the wet city. I don't want to go home at all. Who is waiting for me? Who needs me? I haven’t put things in order for a long time simply because no one will visit me, no one will appreciate the efforts and will not condemn me for the mess. Well, that's fine with me.

A girl in a red leather coat loomed ahead of me. Her black hair fell beautifully over her shoulders, streaming down her shoulder blades. The rain seemed to be afraid to touch this beauty, drops of water flowed down her hair without stopping.

Get to know each other or not? She is the beauty itself, and who am I? Costumed watchman in the service of the armed forces. I stand at the checkpoint of a military unit every three days, and on weekends I walk aimlessly through the streets. Contract soldier. Yes, I get good, but without education, without any prospects. Who needs me? Or maybe take a risk?

I quickened my pace and soon caught up with the stranger. Her face seemed to be taken from a painting. Huge blue eyes, clear pale skin, a thin bright line of lips and an upturned nose. No, she will send me. I quickly walked another hundred meters, turned around near the lamppost to admire the ideal for the last time.

The girl approached the pedestrian crossing, looked left, right. Ah, what a profile she had… Then, I remember, I was blinded by the headlights, then a thud, a screech of brakes and a red cloak flattened on the wet asphalt. The kamazist called an ambulance, and I blew more and more portions of air into her scarlet lips. I thumped her chest and pumped her dead heart like a pump. The ambulance arrived five minutes later. After they dragged me away, I stood stupidly and watched the actions of the doctors. Death came instantly - so the mustachioed man in the blue jacket told me.

Every day afterwards I saw her in my dreams. I approached her, we got to know each other, and a loaded KamAZ flew by, splashing her red raincoat. Sometimes she sent me, sometimes she said her name, but she always remained alive. Marina.

A year has passed since those events. Colleagues say that I have become even more unsociable and silent. No, actually, I'm very talkative. But I mostly speak with a voice recorder. I walk down the street and slander my thoughts, memories into the headset, pour out my pain into the digital womb of the player. The headset is the best invention of mankind. A person who mutters something into a microphone does not sound as crazy as a person talking to himself.

Now I am walking along the same street as on that fateful day when I met and lost my love. Invariably shine lanterns, New Year's garlands.

Fifteenth December two thousand and thirteen. Eighteen fifty seven. She died at seven minutes to a year ago. I'm sorry, Marinochka, that I didn't get to know you then. I'm sorry I got scared.
Crap! Can't be! Guys, I see a red cape and black hair in front of me. Marina!!! That's her. (frequent footsteps, shortness of breath)

Marina, did the doctors make a mistake? You are alive!!! I was so afraid!
(silence)

You probably don't remember me. You had an accident a year ago. I wanted to meet you, but I was afraid. And then "KamAZ". And the doctor said you were dead.
(silence again)

How dead? Are you joking? Yes, I can see you and I can even touch you. Here. So you are alive. Marinochka, please don't leave. I mourned you for a year. You are the love of my life. Yes, I'm for you even to the ends of the world ...
(silence)

Yes, yes, Marina. I want to be with you!
(a voice that seems to have broken into the air of the radio station from another wave - quiet, lifeless, but definitely belonging to a woman)

Then let's go.
(crack, noise, rumble, crack again)

* * *
I'm an ambulance paramedic. December 15, 2013 at 19.04 I received a call for an accident. The usual "path" - "KamAZ" rolled out a young guy along the road. Cranio-cerebral, a bunch of fractures. Death came instantly. The KamAZ driver claimed that the guy seemed to have been pushed, although there was no one next to him. The traffic cops later told me that he even produced a recording from the video recorder.
When we were packing the corpse, I recognized the guy. About a year ago, at the same intersection, he tried to resuscitate a dead girl. I have seen a lot, but then I was impressed by the frenzy with which he did artificial respiration to a completely unfamiliar girl.

Well, okay, that's not the point. Yesterday my sister came to me, with whom we were on duty that night. Pale and in tears, she showed me the recorder. Sveta explained that she found it on the floor at the end of the shift, and today she decided to listen to it in order to know who to return it to.

I silently turned it on for playback. We listened to the recordings for half the night, getting to know the inner world of a young man. We ran the last recording ten times, after which I transcribed it and now presented it to your attention. After all, you love mysticism, and after twenty years of work I got tired of it.

Once upon a time, almost 4 years ago, I met a guy ... We fell in love with each other very much. We were just crazy in love. We could not live without each other even a day, he loved me like no one else did. I loved him the way no one loved him. We breathed this love, we lived it. We were happy.. we were very happy! There were no halves.. We were one! Soon we began to live together. We were always there... I liked to cook for him and even he liked to cook for me.

I never thought that it happens like this .. that it can all be so alive, so real. He was the closest, dearest, only, beloved. Eh ... for a long time you can describe everything that I felt, everything that he felt, that we felt together. But you know how it happens ... we were together 24 hours a day, 7 days a week ... every day and we missed each other, despite such closeness, we constantly missed us. Over time, you begin to realize that something bright is missing in your life.

You know, when this period passes, euphoria and you are already so used to a person that it seems to you that he will not go anywhere, here he is next to you ... it should be so, but how else .. he has been with you for almost 4 years, you have become attached to him, very strongly, too much .. and he simply cannot help but be around. And he... he feels the same, he thinks the same. And then you start to hate him... hate him for all sorts of stupid reasons.

Because he sits at the computer, because he watches TV, because he doesn’t give you flowers, because he doesn’t want to go for a walk ... and I’m generally afraid to remember money issues. And he... he also hated me. You can not imagine the most terrible this love that turned into hatred! And now being alone in this apartment in which we lived for 4 years, only now I understand how stupid it is, it's just ridiculous, what have we done, what have we turned us into and where is this happiness?

We broke up a little over 2 months ago. It happened when it all became unbearable. When not seeing each other for a whole day, we already started to quarrel from the doorway. Just because of some little things that were worth nothing in this life. In the last month of our relationship, it was clear to both of us that this would all be over soon. When we sat in the evenings in different corners, each doing his own thing, on his own wave, but we had one atmosphere. The atmosphere of negativity that filled us, that was already flowing through our veins. Then I signed up for dancing in order to somehow distract myself, diversify my life, and indeed I wanted to for a long time and thought that it was just the right time. And somehow I got very involved in them, that I didn’t really care what was happening between us, that our relationship was dying.

I had a new environment, all our mutual friends became of little interest to me. I was all about dancing. I'm just a fan. And this happens to everyone ... you understand that there is no longer any sense when you do not even try to fix something, when you see that he does not do anything for this either. That he doesn't care, that he doesn't care either.

Before, we tried to sort things out. And then they were simply blown away, and probably both I and he had simply already lost strength ... we no longer had the strength or desire to change anything. That moment came ... the last straw, his last cry, and it was as if I had been hit in the head ... so sharply.

I told him that we need to talk. It was my initiative .. I said that I don’t want anything else, that I want to leave ... he said that he had been thinking about it for a week now. A long conversation, tears, lumps, sediment ... and nothing more, the next day he moved out. It's hard... yes it was hard. And of course you understand. We broke up, but we still had common problems that we needed to solve. We continued to swear, all because of these problems, which are now worth nothing.

Then we started talking, I just don’t know how, you can’t call friends, acquaintances either. He just sometimes came, drank tea, talked about everything. About work, about dancing, about everything but not about us. We just talked. I found a new job, I have new friends, dancing, I only came home to sleep. I was fine and so was he. I no longer suffered and did not want to return to him. He also reconciled. This is how 2 months passed.

And then a situation occurs that killed me, killed me and everything that was left alive in me. His brother calls me and offers to meet and discuss something. I didn’t have a second thought, because I communicated normally with his brother and didn’t even pay attention that he had recently begun to write to me on VKontakte very often. We meet and he starts ... - You see, I treat you very well, I don’t like everything that happens, I’m afraid that everything will go too far and therefore I want to tell you everything .. He found another. He found her 10 days after you broke up.

“I know you don’t like to hear all this now, but I decided that you should know everything.” And he really likes her, her photo is on his desktop, he takes care of her like that .. they constantly see each other. And as soon as he said to me, the first two words - he has a different one, it was like a bomb exploded in my chest. I can't adequately describe how much it hurt. This is very painful. It's cruel. And I broke... I was killed, I was destroyed. For two nights I sobbed in bed without getting up.

Two days was killed at work. How bad it was. How this com pressed me. Just destroyed. I realized that I still love him, that I can’t live, breathe without this person, that I need him ... that he is my everything. And at the same time, I hated him now because he forgot me so quickly and found a replacement. It's hard to write about this..

And a few days later my girlfriend calls me, she is our mutual girlfriend .. and after talking with her. I felt like I was down to earth. A stone fell from my soul, although I did not fully believe this whole story. She told me that she had a heart-to-heart talk with him. And that this brother of his, invented everything ... there is nothing of this. That he appreciates me and what was between us. That he really loved me, that he was happy with me and now remembers only good things. Well .. it’s always like that .. And they quarreled with my brother very strongly and I don’t know for what purpose, somehow to annoy him, he decided to come up with such a story. I don’t know where the truth really is ... but I don’t think that a guy could fall in love with another like this in a week and forget everything that happened between us.

He loved me very much... and was ready for anything for me. He once saved my life .. but I will not talk about that. I don't know.. really... yes, I felt better after talking with my girlfriend, a little easier.. but from that moment, after his brother's call, everything in my life went downhill. He kind of ruined my peace, or... I don't know what to call it.. but I really felt good. I even got used to it already without him ... it was easy for me. And he broke everything.

And every day after that, just killed me. I lost my job, lost people who were close to me... Everyone around was cruel to me, everyone accused me of something... every day they just finished me off. And you know... the biggest loss happened quite recently, I lost him for the second time, I lost him forever! He will never come back to me...

It was raining, I was going to the dance.. broken, completely killed, destroyed, crushed.. I was going to the dance. I didn’t want to do anything, not to dance, not to see people whom I wanted to see all the time .. but I knew that now I simply have to go there, through force, through myself ... I simply have to go, not think about anything, about anyone, just dance .. dance and nothing else. And I was able ... I suppressed everything, all weakness, I was able ... I danced, yes ... but for the first time it was so disgusting for me, I wanted to kill everyone who was there, I was sick of everyone, I wanted to run away from there! How so ... after all, I can’t live without it anymore ... dancing is my everything, but I was sick of everything.

And in the locker room, I just couldn’t stand this pressure in my chest, I broke down completely .. I called him, why .. how could I .. I called him and offered to see him ... I really needed to talk to him! After all, he is the person to whom I could tell everything, absolutely ... I really needed to talk to him.

I wasn't going to return it.. I just wanted to talk. It continued to rain ... no, it was a terrible downpour ... I sat at the bus stop and waited for him. I was waiting for him ... and he came, he sat next to me, lit a cigarette and was silent, and I did not say anything ... and we just sat and were silent for several minutes. I tried to say something, but as if I had taken water in my mouth .. I didn’t know where to start.

Then he said - so we will be silent? And I immediately felt cruelty ... cruelty in his voice, in words, cruelty inside him ... cruelty and composure. He continued to say something, and in his every word there was dryness and indifference. He said that it was easier for him to live that way, that it was necessary, and that he advised me the same. Some kind of horror. Then I spoke .. I talked for a long time and cried about what was happening in my life .. I could no longer hold on ... I was as if defeated, I cried all the time, it was raining and it was getting dark, I did not take off my sunglasses ... it was already dark and I did not take them off ... there was a terrible pain under them. But he remained cruel and said that tears were not needed.

And I just started to choke, my head hurt ... my whole face was swollen, I probably looked very sorry ... but I didn't care. And at some point he could no longer hold on and hugged me. So tightly and hugged, pressed to himself - well, what are you ... everything will be fine, stop it. He hugged me and stroked my hair, and then there was some clouding of reason. I didn't want to say it... it wasn't me anymore. I just couldn't be stopped!

- “I love you, we can fix everything, we did stupid things ... I need you, I need you, I know .. you feel bad too, come back to me, we can fix everything, we wanted a wedding, a family, children ... you told me that I was for life! Let's just forgive each other for everything now .. and start from a new leaf, change, do everything to save us!

When he began to speak, I did not believe a single word of his - “I’m sorry, yes ... I felt bad, I had depression, I didn’t know how to live ... but I suppressed all my feelings, I don’t love you anymore, there’s nothing to save, I don’t love you!” I didn't want to believe it.. I didn't believe it.. I didn't believe that in 2 months you can forget 4 years of relationship! But he continued to say: “I treat you well, I appreciate you as a little man, I loved you and was happy with you! And I thank you for this time!”

I could not calm down, he hugged me and said these words .. words that destroyed me from the inside, that killed me in me. Who devoured me and left nothing in me! It doesn’t happen like that... it doesn’t happen like that... he loved me, he loved me very much, he was ready for anything for me... And now he says: “I don’t feel anything right now, I’m sorry, but I’m sincere with you.”

And then there was nothing left in me .. I got up and went .. I don’t know where, why, but he followed me and said something else. I remember that he said that he offended me very much, and that I probably would not communicate with him again. I remember that he would like to be my friend or not communicate at all, but not be enemies ...

And the downpour continued to go, and I didn’t see anything, I walked through the mud through the puddles, and he followed me ... I stopped somewhere, he asked me to go home, to let me go, and I just stood there and slowly died ... It was death, the real one .. I was no more. Then I turned around and told him for the last time how much I needed him ... and he said "I'm sorry" and left.

He left ... just left, leaving me alone in this state, at night, in the rain on the street ... alone. How could he? Once he was afraid to let me out two meters into the store at night, he was very afraid for me .. and now he left me there and left ... leaving nothing behind. I don't know how long I stood there.. what I felt was death... really... death... I was killed, I'm no longer alive.

For a week I couldn’t move away, didn’t eat, didn’t sleep, gave up on everything ... then they fired me from work ... I don’t have the strength to dance ... I’m not just energetically squeezed out, I’m no longer alive. How can I come to terms with this and move on, I have no idea. I do not want anything...

I could not understand how he could leave me there alone ... after he saved my life once. I couldn't believe it. And I got it into my head... what is not forgiven, that I hate him for it, although in reality... it's not like that. And yesterday I found out that he followed me to the very entrance, until he was convinced that I had gone home. A friend told me about it, he asked me not to talk about it, but you know .. this is a girlfriend .. and I got even worse, I was drawn to him even more .. but nothing more will happen .. I died ..

Post is death...

Death. . .

Today I saw "death"... It was real... the most cruel and cold-blooded. The death of something real, something alive.. it was a murder... Someone was killed.. maybe it was me.. I don't know.. maybe now I'm gone. It's probably not me now. It happens... it happens all of a sudden, when you don't expect a blow at all, when you stand firmly on your feet and feel confident, confident in yourself and your strengths! And then just bang... And you don't feel anything anymore... only a sharp pain, muffled by the state of shock and the smell of death. And then loss of consciousness, clouding of reason ... and you try to restore fragments, words, faces ... But there is fog in your head, you need to remember something important, but there is fog everywhere ... and then it happens that all this rigmarole in your head no longer makes any sense .. Everything has already been decided for you! We decided that you need to forget everything .. at that very place, at that very moment, just forget and come to terms with some truth that you don’t even remember. Remain the same as you were left in that very place .. at that very moment! And there .. just standing there .. you understand that everything has passed, that everything has really passed .. that now no one cares about your safety. And you continue to stand there and kill all the weakness in yourself, all the fears, all the pain and all the insults ... You kill all the feelings in yourself, all this fucking anomaly ... You kill yourself in yourself .. Probably, this is how we become cruel. But what then, excuse me, is the price of these feelings, which are suppressed by the desire to be cold-blooded?

It was very difficult to tell ... as if I experienced it all over again ...