Why are men so lazy. If the husband is a couch potato. How to live with a lazy person

As a rule, before the wedding, all men are active. But after marriage, many turn into lazy people. The hunter's instinct is satisfied, the prey is caught, and you can relax. Some even consider washing the plate after themselves an unbearable burden. And the wife at this time is spinning like a squirrel in a wheel. It's a shame? And how!

sofa attachment

Let's make a reservation right away: we are not talking about pathological sloths. You definitely can’t cook with such porridge. It will not be possible to stir them up for a long time by any forces. However, for every product there is a merchant. After all, there are many families where it would never occur to a wife to expect her husband to participate in household chores. Often, if the spouse is successful at work, this is already enough for the wives. Spouses of creative men (writers, poets, film directors) also usually protect their geniuses from everyday life. And household duties are gladly taken over or entrusted to specially trained people.

Our conversation is about ordinary husbands who, being grooms, blew off dust particles from their brides. And after the wedding, they changed them - they lay down with gadgets and lie without getting up, while the wife after work is tearing herself up for two. And if they do something, it is only under pressure, after numerous requests, persuasions, promises, sometimes turning into ultimatums and threats. Is it really possible with them only in a bad way, but in a good way? Psychologists say that everything is possible. In general, female strength is not in aggression, but in cunning.

Instead of a kick

Family life is, of course, not a set of rules. But still, some of them are not a sin to adhere to.

An affectionate calf sucks two queens. In other words - if you need help from your spouse, do not command, do not demand, but ask. Affectionately. So it's more reliable. Some women (some call them cunning, others wise, and others just bitches) successfully use the carrot and stick method. With such yesterday's lazy people often make a dizzying career. Learn from them!

Don't pull the blanket over you. Do not take on all the cases yourself, even if you know that you can handle them better than your husband. Give the initiative to the head of the family. According to psychologists, a man can become inactive only because his wife is too enterprising and powerful next to him.

Don't forget the magic words and praise. The husband did something good - tell him thanks and praise. Even if you did not do so well, praise for your efforts.

Be direct about what is required. Most of all, men do not like it when women appeal to conscience, reproach, accuse, instead of saying what is needed without equivocation.

Do not act with emotions, but with logic. If the husband did not do something, do not blame him, but give irrefutable arguments that he was wrong. For example, you can write a list of household chores (yours and his) and see who has more. And you can't argue against facts, as they say.

Music for husband

But the most important question that needs to be answered is: where do the roots of male laziness sprout from? It just doesn't come up like that. After all, your faithful one was once ready to wait for you at the entrance for hours on end, to go for medicine to the other end of the city and perform a bunch of other feats, just to earn your favor. So, in principle, he is not from the breed of lazy people. And yes, he does a good job. In addition, psychologists say that laziness is just a lack of motivation. Hence the main rule: motivate your man. How you reward him for the performance of household duties (in word or deed), it's up to you - you know your own spouse better. But the promotion must be meaningful to him.

Nag is not the best way to get him to change. But a smart wife is obliged to inspire him, instill self-confidence. What to do specifically? Admire, praise, but subtly, skillfully, without busting. To suggest that no one can do this better than him. Support, of course. Calm down in case of failure. And praise again. And you will be happy.

Alla Reed:

Do you live with a lazy husband? It is difficult for me to judge, given that there are not so many men in our country, and there are even fewer normal ones. I understand women who turn a blind eye to such things. In general, this is a very personal question.

A woman creates relationships in the family, a man adjusts to them. The female psyche is 6 times stronger than the male.

Husband and wife, a mirror for each other - only the same quality is reflected in them in different ways. A lazy husband is a disobedient wife.

It is necessary not to wag her husband's nerves, but to educate him. Set him certain conditions.

A man is sobered only by a very firm, strong and decisive approach. The chatter of women, the fraying of nerves on a man does not work at all.

Even worse, it only removes him and aggravates the situation. It is necessary to immediately set some conditions, and that's it.

But the most important thing is to understand that if a man gets involved in work, he cannot turn off. His psyche does not work, like a woman's: we go there, we go here ...

He can only do one thing, and that's it, until it's over, and then the next. He can't go back and forth like a woman's brains work. We must endure this situation and force the husband to work hard. And calm your mind. Because the psyche of a man closes very strongly when a woman begins to pull him.

A woman tends to pull her husband, "peck" him several times a day. In this case, the man’s psyche is pinched, he doesn’t understand anything, he starts a negative reaction, and he doesn’t even want to understand what she wants to say. And a woman cannot achieve results from such behavior.

It is necessary to speak to him very calmly when he is in a normal, calm state, especially after eating. He ate, you need to sit next to him, pat him on the head and say: you know, it was so good when you worked, everything was calm ... etc. He will start grumbling something, and you continue to him again in this vein ...

In general, you need to understand that if fate has come, there is no money - a woman should just endure, and that's it. Clench your teeth.

She should not even have an idea that she should be the first to go to work. Because when a family reaches a certain state of poverty, then a protective reflex turns on in a man, he goes and gets a job. And that's where it all ends.

But since a woman has more anxiety about the family's prosperity, the husband thinks: well, since the wife is worried, let her go and work, but I'm fine. But a man is more dependent on the wealth of the family, because a woman pecks, and a man needs to eat, and eat well, every day.

When there is less food in the house, he will immediately think that something is not right with us. And then he will scratch his turnips and think, go to work.

In your situation, you must accept that you have such a husband and calm your mind. Defeat your rebellion.

Jabbarova Aisha Ivanovna, psychologist Voronezh

There is hardly a woman who has not reproached her husband for laziness at least once. It is unlikely that a man will be found who would not be indignant: “You work, you work, but everything is not enough for her, not enough ...” Why such a misunderstanding?

"Take out the tree!"

There is an old joke: a husband is watching a May Day demonstration on TV, and his wife is “itching” nearby: “Take out the Christmas tree! Take out the tree!" Most likely, both spouses in this story had a phlegmatic temperament. Otherwise, it would be unlikely that a man would have calmly endured the calls of his missus for four months. And if his wife were sanguine or choleric, she would have thrown a scandal to the lazy person long ago.

When opposite temperaments clash, accusations from both sides are inevitable. An active wife always thinks that her husband is too lazy to do anything. And he just works like this: before taking on something, he must perform this action in his mind, think about whether it is possible to somehow avoid the assignment, weigh all the pros and cons.

If your husband is a “gradual” creature, do not demand that he immediately run to complete your task. . For him, it's stressful. Do not rush and do what he was instructed to do. Give the person time to get used to the request, get used to it, become related to it. And understand that he will not succeed in escaping the task.

errand boy

On weekends, you spin around the house like a squirrel in a wheel, and your missus "rests." Your sporadic requests: "Take out the bucket!" "Run to the store for sour cream!" "Vacuum the apartment!" - hang in the air. Why?

The economy, according to the majority of men, is the territory of women. And when he is used there as an assistant, an errand boy, he is outraged.

It is better if the husband clearly knows what functions he should perform in the household - no prompting from you. He will be more interested in a task related to technique or the use of force. Let's say instruct him to buy the main "package" of products for the whole week. Or keep all electrical appliances, locks, water taps in good condition. Small things usually annoy men: it is easier for him to walk around the apartment with a vacuum cleaner than to wipe dust off the shelves with a rag. When he is busy, do not interfere, do not give advice, do not criticize. And don't forget to say thank you for what you've done. It is not difficult for you, but it is pleasant for a person.

lazy bone

Most often, women accuse men of laziness when they bring insufficient money to the house. Americans have an expression " lazy bone": these are people whom no bad living conditions will ever force to "move". Maybe your husband is just one of those? Maybe he is quite satisfied with the standard of living that his family has? And then you are unlikely to convince him that "it is better to be rich and healthy."

There are many people in the world who do not have enough energy to achieve something in life on their own. They definitely need a locomotive to push it. It often happens that a man, whom his wife considered a pathological lazy person, begins to earn wildly and advance in the service ... by marrying another woman. Such ladies are popularly called bitches. They can masterfully combine the tactics of "carrot and stick". They know how to inspire their husband, convincing him that he has extraordinary talents. And slightly put pressure on pride, hinting that someone else, less capable, has achieved more.

This game is necessary for almost all representatives of the stronger sex. The fact is that they differ from women, in particular, also in that it is more difficult for them to understand another person. Often the wife is silent, hoping that the husband will "guess" something to do. And the husband believes that if he is not asked for anything, then everything suits everyone. Wisdom lies in keeping a man on his toes all the time and at the same time letting him know: you yourself decided so. For example, earn more.

Before you demand that your husband bring more money into the house, think about how to get him interested in this. . Maybe he dreams of spending every vacation at sea. Or build a cottage where he will be the owner. Or change car. Let him start earning first for his dream. And then he gets involved, and he wants more. But do not forget to reward him with your gratitude and appreciation.

"To spite the mother!"

No matter how fair your demands are, a man will not fulfill them if they are expressed in an orderly tone. At this moment, he does not even understand the words, he hears only a reproach, he only understands that he is not loved and not appreciated. And automatically refuses. This is the reaction of a teenager: the more you educate me, the worse I will behave. To spite you!

Often, men with such wives generally degrade morally: oh, you saw me, teach me about life, but then support me if you are such a strict "mommy"!

Ask your husband for help briefly and specifically, show reasonable perseverance, but do not become a commander , whose orders are executed without reasoning. Even those little things that a man does for you, do not take for granted, thank him every time. And, perhaps, then he will have a desire to do something more for you.

Text: Inna Belyakova, psychologist

Before you solve a problem, you need to study it, analyze it. Beloved spouse has turned into a vegetable on the couch, does not even want to take out the trash, and does he only have enough time for friends? And why shouldn't he be like that, if everything is cleaned in the house, dinner is ready, the children are well-groomed and looked after? He's used to this sort of thing. But who taught him to do this is another question.

Women often blame their mother-in-law for this. Yes, like any mother, she spoiled her son, helped him in many ways, and often such guardianship acquired hypertrophied forms. Naturally, in adulthood, this "boy" will expect the same attention to his person from his life partner. The mother is to blame, that's for sure. But no one forced you to associate your life with him. Or did you hope that everything would work itself out? Fatal error!

With such a husband, it will not be easy. Little can be achieved with scandals and reproaches, you will have to take on the long process of re-education yourself, and at that age it is oh so difficult. Sometimes it happens that the wife herself, without noticing it, spoiled her husband. Before the wedding, a woman tries to make a good impression on her chosen one, to show how economic and neat she is. And in the first year of married life, she continues to do everything herself, perhaps even with pleasure. But then “one fine day” comes when the wife realizes that the husband should also be responsible for their overall well-being. Scandals begin, only a man by this time has so much time to feel the taste of a carefree life and get used to the role of a slave owner that screams have no effect.

There are times when a husband is infantile by nature. He is disorganized, not independent. Sometimes you can wait for help from him, but only after the third request. And even then such “help” causes more inconvenience and problems. As an example to you, one illustrative case of male helplessness. She asked her husband to make hot sandwiches, as she herself was busy cleaning. He unquestioningly went to the kitchen, but returned a minute later to find out the details of the preparation of this culinary masterpiece. My wife explained in detail: take sausage and cheese out of the refrigerator (fortunately, they were sliced), from the bread box - toast, put one on top of the other and put in the microwave for 1 minute. The husband seemed to understand everything and left, but immediately returned and asked what to put on top - sausage or cheese. The wife said. And again he goes to her: “And should the bread be on top or bottom?” A curtain. And everything seemed like a funny misunderstanding, if, a few days after that, a friend did not ask again to make sandwiches. Incredibly, history repeated itself. It remains only to guess: either the husband has something wrong with his head, or he expects that failure in household chores will save him from doing them in the future.

Labor striker…

There are families where everything is turned upside down. The wife is a good housewife, goes to work regularly, and brings up children. What does the husband do? At this time, the head of the family is calmly doing "important things": watching football, absorbing an unmeasured amount of food and beer, and tired of "hard work", he goes to unwind with friends. And he lives wonderfully - he doesn’t need to look after the house, but the fact that all the duties have fallen on his wife’s shoulders is nothing, he can handle it.

But sooner or later, a woman loses her nerves, depression and illness begin. She exhausted her strength, arranged her life - all this for what? For a husband to enjoy life while she becomes a slave in the house? And here is the paradox: a stubborn careerist, a strong woman becomes a weak, helpless creature in the face of this problem. She knows that something needs to change, it will only get worse. But she understands that it is difficult to remake a lazy person with many years of experience.

Difficulties exist to be overcome. And the impossible becomes possible, one has only to turn on ingenuity. As we have already said, tantrums and scandals do not give the desired effect. It is better to approach, on the other hand, to cheat. Give your husband small assignments first, do not skimp on praise for good performance. Tell him how wonderful, smart and good he is. Your husband will be flattered that you appreciate his work, and he will feel needed and irreplaceable. You can start a request with the phrase: “Darling, I know that, apart from you, no one will do it so well ...” Over time, shift some of the household chores to him, divide household duties. The main thing - no violence, gingerbread, cunning women, gingerbread!

Almost equal...

In many families, both spouses work, but despite this, patriarchy reigns. And this happens because from childhood we were taught that housekeeping is a woman's duty. Despite the progress of modern society, some continue to faithfully follow this stereotype. Many husbands are unaware that their wives, just like them, get tired at work. They are accustomed to a clean apartment, ironed shirts, a hot dinner and naively believe that for their wives, housework is a pleasure. But now we are considering another option: when a man intentionally does not want to help his wife. If, at any of your instructions, the head of the family makes a displeased grimace, refuses to resolve household issues, or makes empty promises, then this article is for you. It is necessary to push the husband to participate in family affairs.

The question arises: how to do it? Persuasion, threats, refusals of intimacy (which is absolutely impossible to do, sex is not a bargaining chip) did not help? Then you can try the "ice shower" method. Go on a business trip for a few days, leave your whole life to your husband - there is a chance that he will understand how hard it is for you, and his conscience will wake up.

And this method did not work? But we are not used to retreat! Let's try another method, let's call it authoritarian. The husband does not want to do anything - let him not do it, but you do not do any work for him either. Wash only your own clothes, cook food only for yourself, do not buy ready-to-cook food, but only food that needs to be cooked. You will see how the strong half will sing when he has no clean shirts and socks left, and he will do all this on an empty stomach.

Sooner or later, he will begin to beg for mercy, and then your hour will come! The main thing is to remain firm, to suppress the maternal instinct and pity for the overage child. Remember, you are on the way to a great goal, and you have no right to give up at the very finish line.

Make a list of household chores and decide with your husband who will do what. For example: the wife cooks, does the laundry and cleans, the husband buys groceries, takes out the trash and washes the dishes. The main thing is not to go too far, you can’t shift all the responsibility onto your spouse, although I believe the temptation is great. In addition, all factors must be taken into account so that the distribution of troubles is really equal. If one of the spouses is sick or works more, then the other must take on more obligations. At first it will be difficult, but then you will avoid many domestic quarrels.

Housewife on demand...

The situation is especially difficult when a child appears in the family. A woman, as a rule, leaves her job and switches completely to the household. The husband feels like a breadwinner and limits his duties to earning money. Coming home, he lays down on the sofa with a clear conscience and watches TV: his working day is over.

What is a wife to do? After all, she also has a lot of worries! There is only one difference between them: the husband's working day lasts until the evening, and the wife's - around the clock and seven days a week. When asking for help, the exhausted woman hears words about the immense fatigue of the head of the family. But after all, they were planning a child together, waiting for him, but in reality it turns out that a child is only a mother's concern. It turns out dishonest. And if reproaches from the spouse still begin that only he alone works for the good of the family, then that's it, it's time to take up education - no, no, not a child, but a husband!

If you have a strong nervous system, try leaving the baby for a few hours with your husband, after writing all the instructions on a piece of paper. Perhaps he will call you every 5 minutes and ask you to return, but try to endure. In the end, you also didn’t know how to do anything when the child was born, but you learned - why is your spouse worse? When you return home, you will find your husband changed. It is impossible to give guarantees that the husband will help with the housework, but that respect will appear in his eyes - that's for sure.

Another option, the most dangerous - a lazy manipulator. It seems that there is a man in the house, only he is constantly sick when it comes to help. But as soon as he calls his friends, he immediately feels better, and now he, full of strength and energy, is playing billiards.

There is another type: he promises to lay tiles in the bathroom, whitewash the ceiling, fix a hole in the pipe, change the light bulb ... He never refuses anything - he just doesn't do it. You see, in a month or two, the wife herself will learn how to lay tiles and whitewash the ceiling, not to mention the light bulb! It is hard to deal with this: the husband never argues. And is it necessary? You are nervous, and your husband is like water off a duck's back. The only thing that can be advised in this situation is to play on his male pride. For example, to praise his friend for being a real man and helping in all household chores. Maybe it will work. Let's not lose hope.

There are no hopeless situations, there are no incorrigible lazy people - it's just that we, women, must learn how to competently manage them. Or maybe we ourselves are no less lazy, since we do not find the strength in ourselves to change the situation?

Very often we can hear married or divorced women talking about their current and former husbands. And often we become a witness to the same painful topic: a lazy husband. Agree, such "lazy" husbands are not uncommon. Those who pull to the last before they do something. The phenomenon of such behavior is explained by the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.

Very often, intentionally or unintentionally, I hear married or divorced women talking about their current and former husbands. And often I become a witness to the same painful topic: a lazy husband.

“My son all went to his father! - a woman in her forties shares her sad experience with her friend. - He knows everything, understands everything, but is lazy. He will not do anything himself: he always pulls to the last, he constantly has to force, coerce, give impetus to action. His dad is exactly the same. A wonderful father, a good family man, but ... all the time I had to “kick” him. Do this, do that. Our renovations took years, decades. Shelf untwisted for a year, probably stood until my patience ran out. I didn’t really earn money: I didn’t move up the career ladder, I worked all the time, for a dozen years, at my factory and didn’t even think about going for a promotion until I started sawing him. Tired, terribly tired of dragging everything on yourself!

“A man who has to be forced to do something all the time ... we know such people. I don’t want to deal with people like that anymore,” another woman says.

And after all, you see, such “lazy” husbands are not uncommon. Those who pull to the last before they do something. The phenomenon of such behavior is explained by the system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan.

Life is an integral part of our life, no matter how some of us renounce it and deny it. And how wonderful it would be if all of us in the house had a servant who would cook, and wash clothes, and repair toilets, and screw shelves. But, alas, often in the conditions of Russian reality, all these not always pleasant duties are performed by us ourselves. Who is in what much: who cooks food, and who knocks together furniture.

And here, of course, I recall the age-old anecdote about the wife who asked her husband to throw out the Christmas tree, to which he complained: “Throw out the Christmas tree! Throw out the tree! People went to the May Day demonstrations, but she got it all right: throw out the Christmas tree!”

There is a certain type of husband who is very difficult to get to do anything. And the point is not that they are villains and scoundrels. No. They are happy to help, but not now. But this “not now” can last for days, weeks, months. Until his wife drinks him to death... And then he does it in five minutes, and you're done.

The tendency to put off until tomorrow is inherent in people with who, at an unconscious level, have a special fear: the fear of starting. Slow in themselves, anals often slow down in life. This is due to the peculiarities of physiology, which we will not go into. The bottom line is that starting is always excruciatingly painful on a psychological level for such people.

The fear of starting is also associated with innate perfectionism, the desire to do everything at the highest level. We are afraid to start work, because we are afraid that something will go wrong, it will turn out badly, not ideally, we will not be approved, scolded. We are marking time in uncertainty, not daring to take a step forward. Before we start, we imagine ourselves to be anything: a brilliant artist, writer, sculptor... The only catch is that you need to start and do it. And we know we can, but how scary it is to just pick up and get to work!

By the way, we make decisions in the same way: we hesitate for a long time, we suffer and we can’t finally give birth to anything!

A person with an anal vector harnesses for a long time: he hatches a thought in himself, accumulates data, accumulates inspiration, tries on, estimates, weighs all the pros and cons ... And when there is no longer the strength to endure and there is no strength to put off for later, when the thought has been carried to the limit, we sit down and we do whatever we want. And, believe me, we will bring what we started to the coveted point, to its logical conclusion. This is another "fad" of people with an anal vector: if you start, then bring it to the ideal. Otherwise, we experience superstress and terrible discomfort.

Let's go back to our lazy husbands who always have to be forced to do something. Master of all trades, only does nothing until you torture with requests. How to live with it? How to fight?

Of course, there are two ways: to pull to death, or to "give a magic kick." The first option, as you understand, is not the most rational, because by constant sawing you will definitely not achieve anything. Your invaluable lazy husband is already uncomfortable with the fact that he cannot start, do not add fuel to the fire. Moreover, stubbornness can turn on in him, and your faithful one, out of principle (and anal people are very principled), will not do anything.

Then how to give the "cherished pendel"? Here you need to be smarter, to be able to correctly push a man to the right actions. Firstly, it is important to make the person with the anal vector feel as if he himself made the decision to do something. Secondly, praise your loved one more often, tell him how great it is when there is a real man in the house, a jack of all trades. Tell him how pleased you will be if he helps you with this and that. Inspire confidence in him, the desire to move forward, and not stagnate, and you will see that everything will start to change for the better!

People with an anal vector are the most insecure people. When you know your characteristics, you feel their cause from within, you begin to regulate your actions and states. When you feel another person and his properties, you begin to consciously correct your behavior. Remember: a lazy husband is often the stronghold of an unknowing wife.