Polygamous monogamous people. Are there any faithful husbands? Why do men cheat on you? Male gaze There are faithful men

yaroslav-samoylov.com

The sky is blue, the sun is yellow, fish swim, men cheat... The series of obvious statements can be continued endlessly. Although recently it has become common to say that the sun is white, this is just how we “see it.” However, this does not affect men's infidelity. Under the white, yellow and even red sun, the triumph of adultery takes place every day. So the interest of the female half of humanity in the causes of this phenomenon is very natural. But is it possible to find out once and for all why men walk “to the left”?

A similar question and the most ridiculous answers are everywhere: in the media, friendly conversations, newfangled trainings, and even literature on psychology, which was actually designed to help people understand human nature, and not drive them into despair. In the end, I want to ask: has anyone figured it out? Did this information help you or someone you know?! Is there at least one woman in the world who has protected herself from male infidelity without resorting to the help of garden shears?

That's what I'm talking about.

Let's just take a sledgehammer today and destroy unworkable stereotypes. Go!

There is no reason for cheating

Free yourself from prejudice. Not in the sense that men are heartless and don't need a reason to betray family or love. Cheating is just sexual intercourse on the side. I know this situation has a thousand and one shades, but we need a universal definition to understand what we are talking about.

Whatever you consider to be a prerequisite for betrayal, there will always be a case in the world when a man lived with it and did not change at all.

It’s common to think that he cheated, which means he’s missing something in sex. And role-playing games or the search for non-standard places begin. And then - bam, an unambiguous SMS arrives from an unfamiliar number. And then, sitting in the kitchen over cooled coffee, the woman goes through other reasons in her head that she “didn’t notice.” But they are not there.

A man can say that he received, for example, little attention, but what about that neighbor, Tolik, whose wife also works and has children, and at the same time he sits tightly in the family. Of course, he looks at other people's butts, but nothing more.

Nothing leads to betrayal except betrayal itself. And there is no need to invent unnecessary things.

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Everything changes

Or rather, all types of men. People can still be divided into types, am I not behind the times? Well, the world is full of stories about men with all different characteristics who cheat. And I assure you, not a single guy was lost. And if you think that yours is definitely not like that, then most likely he has already planned everything. A man will not allow anyone to doubt him. This point may seem controversial, but should not be confused with “all men are cheaters.” Most likely, your man will never cheat, but this does not mean that he is not capable of it.

There's only one to blame

The myth that two, three or even five are to blame for treason (there are different cases) is the fruit of many years of chewing on the question “why”. If all men are capable of cheating, but in the end not all of them cheat, then it is easy to figure out the weak link: it is the cheater himself.

People are not polygamous

Polygamy is too cool a word to just throw away. It is so fascinating that it is already used as an axiom in relation to men. Believe me, understanding the true meaning of the term, as in cases of polygamy, is not as fun as saying that a man is fine with two. But when it comes down to it, it’s not polygamy that defines men, it’s them that defines it. It is simply a pattern of behavior that a zoologist records in the animal kingdom through observation. In order to claim that men are polygamous, such behavior must be confirmed. In fact, the percentage of cheating men, although much higher than we would like, is not sufficient to characterize the entire species. And polygamous males do not sneak out of the hole to cheat, and then do not suffer from remorse.

If biology is not enough for someone, then search on Google for a species with offspring that exceeds ours in terms of the period of helplessness.

Statistics lie

Recently, people have fallen in love with receiving information in the form of numbers: give everyone a share or percentage. But there are different statistics. For example, how to get the average size of an elephant tortoise shell is clear to everyone. They measured the turtles and then counted them. But the statistics of sociological surveys are like interrogating a rabbit about the color of a lily of the valley and ordering it to answer by dancing. The accuracy will be approximately the same. All information about male infidelity is obtained from surveys of men themselves. So the results are unconfirmed, but don’t attack sociologists. A faithful man does not show himself in any way, he is not visible. But betrayal is always in sight, it is discussed and even exalted. Treason is an information feed. Therefore, it seems that the problem is truly popular.

What to do? It turns out that the situation with betrayal cannot be influenced in any way and no one controls anything? In my opinion, there are three actual reasons for

to which betrayal, bypassing all of the above, still breaks out.

1. Sex education for men

It's at zero. Which man can boast of any standards of sexual behavior received from his parents, except for the notorious condom? Carry it with you everywhere and always. It is important. Otherwise, you’ll make children and you won’t end up with problems.

How do you like it? The best the world can offer men in terms of sex education is family intimidation. Like, sex has nothing to do with family. You do it, but no children until you decide for yourself three times. The family is presented as the main enemy of sex from childhood, when there are no ideas about either one or the other. And then, why does this man think it’s okay to have fun “on the side” and return back as if nothing had happened? Moreover, no matter how strange it may be, even mothers who have experienced infidelity are in no hurry to limit their child’s sexual freedom. Men have their own world, in which only sex that we understand rules. But nothing will happen to the boy if you tell him that he is responsible for the psychological side of sex and the fact that one cannot exist without the other.

And yes, we remember that a condom also protects against sexually transmitted diseases. But illness is not a reason for your boy not to have sex whenever possible. The main thing is that there is a cherished “defender”.

2. Hypocrisy regarding sorority infidelity

No, this is not about “who do all men cheat with if all women are faithful.” But male infidelity is almost always in the public domain. A man can have mechanical sex at home. The psychological aspect of “achievement” is important here, and it is difficult to feel it if no one knows. “Don’t prove anything to anyone” only looks good on motivational pictures on social networks. In life, everything works the other way around, but do other women condemn male infidelity? Not very convincing. And then, knowing about the previous “achievements” of the partner, they also enter into a new long-term relationship with him, which does not carry any special prospects. Of course, the aforementioned misconception about a woman’s responsibility for a man’s infidelity plays a role in this behavior. But this doesn’t make the situation look any better. As a result, the man not only does not receive the “stick” for his wrong actions, but is also rewarded with the “carrot”. But no one will tell men that cheating is bad, except women themselves.

3. Changes in the woman herself

Dear ladies, we do not marry you with the aim of changing you. If a man chooses you, then he is completely satisfied with you. I know that “arrange” is not the ultimate dream, but in the context this word is suitable. I'm not talking about changes in waist size. A woman can change psychologically much more than externally. Of course, change is inevitable (actually not, but you won’t be convinced of that). But on this basis, a dichotomy of his feelings for you may arise. It is possible that the changes will not affect in any way what he loves you so much for. But if the intersection is nevertheless achieved, then perhaps you are developing, but your partner has lost some important feature of your image and he begins to miss it. And he still doesn’t understand how this happened. After all, she was, but now she’s not.

If a man takes you as his wife, this does not mean that now you will experience exponential personal growth. He expects, no matter how stupid it may be, that from now on everything, at least connected with you, will be the same as it was at the time of the marriage proposal. And no, you are still not to blame for his cheating. This is just friendly information and it's up to you to decide what to do with it.

The bottom line is approximately the following, girls: do not take responsibility for other people’s actions, drive unfaithful men away and do not believe sociologists.

A faithful man is always somewhere nearby. He just doesn't sleep around, so you don't hear anything about him.

1. The age difference between you and your husband should be no more than 3–4 years. Such a gap is considered optimal, and hardly anyone will argue. Of course, there are different cases, but what can a twenty-year-old girl and a forty-year-old man who is experiencing a “midlife crisis” have in common? She wanted stability and confidence in the future, but she got a young bore who is trying to prove to everyone that he copes with all his responsibilities no worse than the young people.

2. Your husband does not have high sexual needs. Of course, this may cause some inconvenience, but you will be completely satisfied with it. A man will feel indispensable and in demand. And this will reliably keep him in the family. As a last resort, try them, maybe they will be a solution to the problem.

3. He is not too concerned about external attractiveness. This does not mean at all that the man is sloppy and sloppy, he just does not use various foppish things that attract attention. For what? After all, there is a beloved woman nearby. The exception is people of creative professions (musicians, artists, painters).

4. He strives for stability in everything. For such a person it is important to know what awaits him in the future. If a man is confident in the future, knows that his beloved wife, comfort, and, most importantly, a delicious dinner are waiting for him at home, he will never go looking for new sensations.

5. Pay attention to his attitude towards things. If your chosen one, for example, loves mobile phones and constantly tries to buy the newest model, giving away the old phone at half price, there is a high probability that he will do the same in family relationships. If he cares for and cherishes his car, repairs it, takes care of it, the same can be expected in marriage. You can rely on such a person. True, you will have to come to terms with his love for the car.

6. He was born and raised in a large but friendly family. This is amazing. After all, from early childhood he was accustomed to helping his parents and taking care of the younger ones (if he was the eldest). The interests of his family come first, and he will make decisions based on them.

7. He avoids noisy companies. As a teenager, this may cause him some inconvenience, but for a family it is ideal. After all, those who are accustomed to constant companies and parties usually prefer to lead such a lifestyle even at the age of forty. What kind of family relationships can there be here?

8. You have a common cause. It has been noticed that the most successful in small business are married couples. In addition, earning money together strengthens the family. The wife becomes not only a beloved woman and mother of children, but also a colleague.

9. He has a heightened sense of duty. This is the result of a strict upbringing, which in certain situations has its disadvantages. But such a person will never go “left”, because he still needs to plant a tree, build a house...

10. Your biorhythms coincide. If you are both night owls or early risers, it will be much easier for you to find mutual understanding and achieve harmony.

P.S. And if you know everything else, you definitely won’t have problems with fidelity.

How often do women suffer from the question of whether her man is faithful to her? In the movies, deceived heroines find their favorite lipstick stain on the collar of their shirt, but is this the only proof of betrayal? Many men and women are quite careful and do not leave such obvious marks.

In order to find the truth, a woman will have to turn into a real detective, paying attention to the smallest details in the behavior and environment of her beloved man.

So, what can give away a traitor?

In our age of mobile communications, you can always look at his cell phone. Some might say it's mean, but it's about confirming or dispelling your suspicions. And here all means are good. Of course, you should not advertise your plans to your spouse. After all, if it turns out that a woman was mistaken, it is a rare man who will be able to forgive her mistrust. You can look at the latest SMS and calls while he is in the shower or ask the phone to call, arguing that the money has run out. And then just click in the wrong place and watch his reaction. Someone who has nothing to hide will not worry. But if, when calling, a man tries to leave to talk or, on the contrary, often drops calls, then it’s still worth looking at who called.

If recently you reminded him that he needs to change his shirt or socks, but now The washing machine works tirelessly, And you men spend more time in the bathroom, then this is a bad sign. Men, at their core, are conservatives, and extremely rarely change anything in the usual rhythm of life for no apparent reason. This also applies to the appearance of new things in his wardrobe that are different from those that existed, an addiction to a different perfume, and generally something that stands out from the usual things. Even if he started listening to another radio station in the car, this is a reason to wonder why.

Read also: How to overcome jealousy in yourself? 9 ways to help you cope

Unexpected problems at work, meetings and business trips that pile up at one moment may indicate an impending promotion, or they may confirm suspicions. Having mobile phones at their disposal, few people now use landlines. But in vain. You can always call the office and casually check how your beloved spouse is doing.
And by the way, if the husband works a lot, but does not bring in any money, then a reasonable question arises. Does it even work? There are no words, there are all sorts of situations, and at work there can indeed be problems and delays in wages, but this sign should not be crossed out.

Car– this is generally the sovereign territory of the owner, and many men use the car not only for its intended purpose. If, when getting into a car, a woman notices that the seat has been moved, this does not mean at all that her husband was helping a friend transport the TV to the dacha. When there is no smoking in the car, any odors are quickly absorbed into the upholstery and it will be very easy to smell someone else’s perfume. Hair also has a habit of treacherously sticking to the upholstery of the chair. A homewrecker may also accidentally or deliberately drop some little things like lipstick.

Men who don't cheat always behave this way with their loved ones.

Most of us expect fidelity from our lover, while the number of betrayals is increasing. According to a 2016 study in America, 41% of married couples cheat on their spouses, and half of the men and women surveyed said they had previously had an affair.

But don't worry! If your man’s behavior corresponds to the 15 signs we have listed, then he is definitely faithful to you:

He keeps his word

Your man always keeps his promises. You know for sure that if he promised to do something for you, your family or friends, then he will definitely do everything to fulfill his promise.

He likes your friends

He is not burdened by the company of your friends, but always maintains some distance. He is attached to you, and he has no friends closer than you.

He doesn't hide anything from you

There are no secrets between you, because he is confident in you and knows that he can tell you everything.

He knows the limits of what is permitted

He understands what situations can lead to cheating (for example, a joint business trip with an employee) and avoids everything that could jeopardize your marriage. Sometimes, due to work, he may need to be alone with a woman, but even in this case, he communicates with her strictly according to the rules of business etiquette.

He doesn't talk to his exes

He doesn't think it's right to communicate and spend time with his exes. He completely broke ties with them.

He knows that he is not only the love of your life, but also your best friend.

Friendship is the basis of strong and tender relationships.

He draws clear boundaries of what is permitted in relations with employees.

He doesn't allow himself to get too close to the women he works with. He does not hide his marriage and always keeps his employees a little at a distance so that they do not confuse his politeness with flirting.

He knows you appreciate him

One of the possible reasons for infidelity is a lack of attention on the part of the wife towards her husband, as family psychologist Harry Newman says. Indeed, his research shows that 48% of men committed infidelity because they no longer felt an emotional connection with their spouses. In a relationship, it is very important to show your husband how grateful you are and how much you appreciate him.

He doesn't indulge in narcissism

Narcissistic men are much more prone to infidelity because their self-love is off the charts. They resort to affairs in order to stroke their pride.

He enjoys being close to you

Your man values ​​the emotional and physical connection that exists between you. According to statistics, 52% of couples who were not satisfied with their intimate life in marriage found someone on the side, while among those who were completely satisfied with their spouse, this figure was 17%. If you have any problems in your intimate life, then tell your spouse about them. Work together to resolve them, or consult a doctor.

He doesn't need your constant approval in order to be in a normal mood.

Even without your compliments, he knows that you are dear to him, but this does not mean that he does not want to hear about how you feel about him. Boost his self-esteem by complimenting his appearance, or tell him once again that you love him very much.

He doesn't try to control the family budget

He does not hide his earnings from you. He is not against planning a budget together and distributing money for purchases.

He doesn't flirt with other women

He loves you, so there is no need for him to act freely with other women.

He admits his mistakes

He knows that he is not a perfect person and is not afraid to admit that he was wrong. He believes that you can help him cope with his shortcomings, which he already works on every day.

He says "we" not "I"

For him, you are a single whole and he cannot imagine his future without you. He doesn't make important decisions without consulting you because he knows that marriage involves working together.

With every century, women understand that men do not change - they have cheated and continue to cheat on their wives. And here only one question remains: are there faithful husbands and men who don’t even think about running after every skirt?

In fact, such men exist, only there are much fewer of them than those who believe in their need to sleep with everyone.

Reasons for betrayal

Why do they happen? In other articles on the women's website, the site has more than once listed the reasons for infidelity, both male and female. However, you should not think that the reason is often the only one - as soon as it is eliminated, everything will immediately improve. Psychologists usually say that betrayal is a combination of factors that accumulate over the course of a person’s life and ultimately lead to treacherous behavior. If a man cheated once, most likely he will cheat many more times with the same woman and possibly another. Factors that influence whether a person is faithful or unfaithful are:

1. Upbringing.
2. Education.
3. Satisfaction with one's own life.
4. Self-satisfaction: both appearance and inner world.
5. Satisfaction with your choice of partner.
6. Honesty.
7. Responsibility.
8. Individual characteristics.
9. Degree of implementation.
10. Religious views.
11. Family relationships, etc.

That is why a woman must remember that she can forgive her husband’s betrayal, but this will not stop him if he did not see anything wrong in his action, did not understand what he could lose, did not suffer because of his betrayal and simply does not respect his wife.

Usually people try to find someone to blame when one of the spouses begins to cheat. Psychologists say that both are to blame:

1. A woman could be very tired of her man, who constantly asks her for something, needs something from her.
2. The man did not dare to break up with the woman who was tired of him or was no longer satisfied with him, so he resorted to deception.

Both are to blame, despite the reasons for male infidelity:

• Tired of a constant partner. And this fatigue occurs in all people. Over the years, people become boring, boring, and uninteresting. Every person accumulates grievances and some resentments towards their partners. Instead of taking a little break from each other or changing something about themselves, people often cheat as a way of introducing something new and fresh into their lives.
• The appeal of novelty. Over time, other women become more beautiful and more interesting than the close and always present wife. Sometimes a man wants something new, unknown, unusual. And this concerns not so much sex as moral satisfaction, gaining new knowledge and curiosity.

People talk about the reasons for male infidelity more often than about female infidelity. It's all about the dual behavior of the gentlemen themselves: on the one hand, they do not leave their wives, on the other, they cannot live without their mistresses. Here we look at various reasons that can lead to cheating. The representatives themselves explain their behavior differently. Let's try to comprehensively understand the problem.

A man’s behavior is largely influenced by his upbringing and the criteria by which his masculinity is assessed. Remember what is usually said as instructions and slogans:

• Men are polygamous; they cannot help but look “to the left.”
• The male dignity is called the sexual organ. In other words, male power is manifested solely in how much and how well the representative was able to satisfy women.
• A man does not cry, that is, he must hide his emotional experiences from loved ones so as not to appear weak. But we are talking about a person who can also experience disturbing and deep emotions.
• The man is a hero. And heroes need admiration! If a person does not receive this admiration in his homeland, then he leaves for other countries where he can show his masculinity. Metaphorically, it says that if a wife does not admire her husband, then another woman will admire him.

These provisions are laid down in every representative of the stronger sex, who, faced with unpleasant situations for themselves, when no one admires or worships their masculinity, looks for various ways to fill the gaps. The solution is a lover who is needed in order to:

How does a man get all this from his mistress? Often, special categories of ladies are chosen for the role of “second woman”: weak, tired of loneliness or victims of male egoism, ugly, poor, etc. Confident women, beautiful, smart, sensible, able to defend their point of view and etc. But from such “snow queens” you may not receive any affection, no warmth, no concessions, no love. Weak women are chosen to play the role of mistresses, who are ready to live for the sake of men, infringe on their interests and desires, and do everything only for the sake of their partners. These are selfless representatives who, somewhere deep down in their souls, have already lost hope that someone will love them. Therefore, a married man is the savior who, at least for a short time, will allow you to become happier.

A flawed woman is an ideal lover.

• A man in her eyes will become a hero, even if he does not give her gifts or solve her problems.
• He will remain strong, despite the fact that he doesn’t like everything, is unable to solve his problems at work, and cannot come to an agreement with his wife at home.
• He will remain a respected person, despite the fact that he abandons his children for his mistress, does not pay attention to his family and behaves immorally.
• The man will be the most loved because she is grateful to him for paying attention to her.

In other words, she is many times more stupid, more flawed, weaker, etc. He does this because in the family he cannot relax, cope with his wife’s attacks, or feel like a man not only physically, but also psychologically, morally and emotionally. He must always be a superman - a person who has no flaws or weaknesses.

To be a hero in the eyes of a woman, while having shortcomings and acting immorally, selfishly, it is necessary to choose one who no longer believes in herself, is weak and flawed. She is ready to be with someone who will pay attention to her, even if it is a married gentleman. Low self-esteem and lack of confidence in one’s own beauty and strength are the main qualities of lovers. Otherwise, a man would not be able to satisfy his psycho-emotional desires, which are not embodied in family life, where what is required of him is not weakness and indulgence in his own egoism, but dedication, strength and the absence of shortcomings.

Why does cheating happen?

Cheating often occurs due to youth: he hasn’t had enough fun, doesn’t have much experience in sex, wants to try something else, etc. However, cheating often happens at a later age. And here the reasons are often:

1. Dissatisfaction with your wife: her appearance, behavior, character, manners in sex.
2. A midlife crisis, when a man begins to prove something to himself or remember his youth.

Should betrayal be forgiven?

When betrayal happens, the other half has only one question left to decide: is it worth forgiving? And here it is not always necessary to forgive the cheater, just as vice versa, not every betrayal should be severely punished. Several factors influence whether you need to forgive betrayal:

• Was it one-time or multiple?
• Does it have a good reason for its occurrence?
• Does the husband repent?
• Is the husband trying to restore the relationship with his wife or is he staying away from the problem?

To make the right decision, you need to abstract yourself from the emotions that are probably raging inside after the news of your husband’s infidelity.

In many love relationships, partners are faced with a stressful situation when there is not just a quarrel between them, but a serious event in the form of betrayal, separation or infidelity. In any person, these three situations cause all sorts of emotions of despair, anger, hatred, etc. There are three possible scenarios for the development of events:

• Partners separate forever.
• Partners change and begin new relationships, completely different from the previous ones.
• Partners continue the relationship they already have.

In the first case, when partners break up, both simply have to go through the period when they wean themselves from past relationships and begin to desire new contacts with other candidates for their love.

In the second case, partners forgive each other for what they did. In doing so, they begin a grand process of changing themselves. Not one, but both partners begin to change so strongly and globally that no trace or memories remain of the previous relationship. A new man and woman appear, who get to know each other again and build completely different relationships, completely different from the previous ones. This requires a colossal amount of time, effort and the desire of both partners to forgive everything that happened, forget and start living in such a way that such serious stressful situations no longer occur.

In the third case, when partners simply continue the same relationship without any changes, forgiveness, etc., further stressful situations are foreseen in the future, and on an increased scale. In other words, if someone cheated, they will cheat again, but now it will be much more sophisticated and painful. If someone betrayed, then they will betray again, but with great losses for people. Spouses in a relationship according to the third scenario will have unequal positions: one will constantly remember what the other has done, and the second will constantly be tormented by a “sense of duty” and guilt for his action. But over time, these feelings dull, which is why the second partner begins to take revenge on the first because he constantly accuses him of something, which is why he commits another “unforgivable” act.

Betrayal, separation, betrayal - how to survive it? Successful people choose either the first or second scenario. If they understand that they can forget what happened and change together with their partner, thus taking the relationship to a new level, then they build a new union. If they understand that they do not want or cannot forgive, then they finally break off the relationship.

People who are used to suffering, torment, being victims or tyrants, infantile personalities, choose the third option for the development of events, because in this case they do not have to fight the fear of loneliness and look for new partners who will agree to suffer with them.

6 reasons to be faithful

However, not all men cheat, although, of course, they can if they want. They choose the path of “loyalty” more out of rational reasoning, and not because others want it. Here are 6 reasons to be faithful to your wife:

1. Resources. Every woman requires resources from a man: time, attention, strength, money, emotions, etc. If a man does not feel the desire to share resources, waste them, waste his time and energy on ladies with whom he is not going to have anything serious, then he would prefer fishing to treason.
2. Inability to hide deception. And men understand this. They first think about the consequences of their infidelities, and then decide whether they are ready to face these consequences when the deception is revealed.
3. The mistress is a dispatched agent. Often women approach men for a reason. They want to get something from their future lovers. Information for competitors does not always become the reason lovers meet. A woman may simply want to extract money from a man.
4. Reluctance to deal with a jealous husband if a love affair is possible with a married woman.
5. Humiliation of one's own dignity due to the fact that one will have to deceive, play around, conceal and do something in secret.
6. Lack of desire to have infidelity. Yes, this can also happen when a man does not depend on female attention, affection and sex in principle. He lives for his own pleasure, and for this he does not need numerous crowds of girls.

Bottom line

If women are interested in whether there are faithful men, then the answer will be positive. The question remains: how to find such a man, because there are very few such people? And here you really have to work hard, since a man is faithful not only when he loves, but also when he is simply too lazy to run after someone, or is independent of women in general, so you have to run after him.