What is destroying our relationship? Reasons for breakups. Why do relationships break down? Destructive relationship with a man

Many, unfortunately, have their own history of relationships that ended in parting, which very often does not happen by mutual agreement. And if it’s difficult to understand what drives a man, yet another’s soul is dark, to find out why the girl herself is able to ruin her life by making a hasty decision to part with her once beloved person, perhaps it’s enough to know, and most importantly, how to deal with it.

What can ruin a relationship

Love is a wonderful gift. When people truly love each other, they take care and take responsibility for the chosen one, they are ready for difficulties and compromise. But the human psyche is so arranged that its formation is influenced not only by character, but also by what is happening around, so very often we cannot cross over subconscious barriers that prevent us from loving. And often this leads to a desire to destroy the relationship and try to meet a person who certainly will not disappoint.

But not everything is as simple as we would like. The values ​​promoted today call that life should only be enjoyed, and that which creates difficulties must be disposed of as quickly as possible. And if earlier it was believed that family life is a responsibility and, first of all, care and hard work that requires patience, today marriage is considered by many as an opportunity to get rid of difficulties and make life easier, and when this turns out not to be the case, complete disappointment in existing relationships.

On the screen and in books, an image of lovers is created, who are obliged to understand each other without words, think the same way and never quarrel. Of course, there is nothing wrong with this, it is always worth striving for the best, you can’t just live life and build strong relationships without difficulties. And a lack of understanding of this, and even more so not a willingness to deal with problems, gives rise to a frivolous attitude towards life. It seems as if getting rid of a relationship that did not live up to expectations, you can start all over again, from scratch. In fact, attempts to escape from problems lead to even more confusing and difficult situations, and ultimately to loneliness.

The most common reason for divorce is disappointment in your companion due to the fact that the former passion disappears, life creates problems, and every day is similar to the previous one. For some reason, the fair sex is sure that as soon as they leave the registry office, their relationship with their loved one will become even better, but in reality it turns out that meetings and life together are not at all similar to each other. But who thinks about it when you so want to be no worse than everyone else and put on a beautiful wedding dress as soon as possible and get the proud title of wife.

One of the main mistakes in living together is blind imitation of how it was customary to run a household before. For some reason, in the modern world of information technology and the changing role of women in society, it is still believed that the fair sex must completely shoulder all household duties. If earlier this was understandable, the man worked, earned money, and the wife sat at home with the children and looked after the household, today, when women also work and sometimes earn more money than their husbands, this looks, to put it mildly, strange.

Of course, one can recall the rural women who dragged the house, children and worked in the field, but this did not add to their health and beauty, so there is no need to turn into the one who can handle everything. Think about yourself, because taking care of the house, raising children and still working is so hard that in a few years all the former passion, and with it love, will evaporate, as if they never existed.

Do not shoulder an unbearable burden on fragile shoulders. Remember, you are a weak woman and you cannot do without the help of a strong man. If the chosen one loves you, he will gladly take out the trash, help vacuum and bring a heavy bag of groceries from the store.

And here the main difficulty lies not in how to persuade a man, but how to cope with your own desire to demonstrate that you are able to create such comfort for your beloved that he could only dream of. Don't become perfect, don't raise the bar. Then it will be very difficult to constantly maintain the image of a magnificent woman who, after a hard day, an evening shift in the kitchen, forgetting about fatigue, which cannot be avoided after such a busy day, can turn into a passionate partner at night.

Learn to realistically assess your strengths, and then you will not have to constantly think about how not to disappoint the chosen one. Still, no one has yet canceled that love for others begins with love for oneself. And it is much more pleasant for a man to see a smiling chosen one all the time than a woman, tortured by everyday life, constantly breaking down on him.

How not to ruin a relationship

• Don't try to create the perfect relationship. Do not compare your couple with others, and even more so with those shown in the series. There are no perfect relationships. Everyone has their own problems. Disappointment will never arise in someone who does not expect from a partner what he cannot give him.
• Before making a decision about living together, think again whether everything suits you in the chosen one. While passion is still seething in the heart, it is easier to put up with what is simply annoying in others. Sooner or later, it will subside or disappear completely, and then the irritation will flare up with renewed vigor and it will be very difficult or impossible to cope with it. Therefore, before taking the relationship to a more serious level, evaluate whether this is the man you would like to see next to you in a few years.

• Learn to focus not on its shortcomings, but on its merits. Often the desire to find some flaw in a man is not connected with the fact that he really exists, but with a subconscious mindset to spoil the relationship. Many women are afraid of relationships, which is why they are lonely, even if they have had many partners. To understand exactly why you see so many shortcomings in your partner, look into your soul and find the answer to the question there: “Are you afraid of a serious relationship?”. This problem is especially relevant when there was a bad relationship between mom and dad in the family and, having seen enough of such a model of relationships, the girl subconsciously does not want to repeat the fate of her parents.
• Try to communicate with those who are happily married or in a relationship. In psychology, there is such a thing as emotional contagion. It is it that is responsible for the laughter in the hall, even when it is not funny at all. In the event that you are surrounded by people who constantly change partners, very soon you may also have a similar desire. Of course, no one claims that you will do the same, but it’s still better to play it safe and try to protect your love from any dangers.

• Do not seek to rest separately from each other. A different social circle, the likelihood of meeting a handsome stranger, a completely different view of the world increase the risk of ruining relationships. Of course, it is necessary to take a break from each other, but this does not mean visiting entertainment venues or relaxing at sea. Hot drinks, fun, lonely girlfriends can provoke you into rash acts that cannot be fixed, and guilt will gradually destroy relationships, no matter how strong they are. Nevertheless, when loved ones spend a lot of time together, especially on vacation, they do not get tired, but rather get to know each other even more, which allows them to strengthen relationships.
• Be different. Whatever happens, learn to respond correctly. You don’t need to break down on your beloved because of any little thing, turn into a grumpy wife who is so tired of everyday life that she is ready to make a scandal over everything.
• Even if something does not suit you, talk about it calmly. Do not be silent, do not accumulate resentment and claims in yourself. It is much more pleasant, immediately in a mild form, to tell your loved one how he offended you than to walk upset or even worse with a displeased expression on his face, and then a week later give him a dressing.

Love is not only joy and pleasure, it is daily work on oneself and responsibility for the chosen one. Whatever obstacles stand in the way, happiness depends solely on whether you are ready to learn to love and protect your personal life from all threats. And then you will never need to think about what destroys relationships, because everything will be fine with you.

Toxic relationships bring more problems and frustration than happiness and joy. More often they are compared with a natural disaster, after which only a poisoned desert and a wounded soul remain. We will help you recognize them.

Theoretically, there are ideal relationships: this is when two noble people realized that they were on the way, joined hands, agreed on eternal love (friendship) and went to live happily ever after. In practice, even the most sparing options are not so cheap. Let's say you managed to develop mutual respect, but it's hard to live, bearing the burden of resentment, disappointment and bitterness - even if not for a partner, then for a situation in which he did not perform in the best way. And at the peak of these experiences, it is very easy to lose yourself, devalue all the good things and continue a toxic relationship. We will tell you about five signs that will help determine what kind of relationship you are in and why they are dangerous.

1. Relationship with a tyrant

Love for an abuser is like a disease. Without him, it becomes unbearably painful, next to him - terribly uncomfortable. You should not think that you are so unpleasant from great love or respect. Even the most unhappy love cannot completely deprive a sense of self-respect. But relations with a tyrant and a despot can. If you are completely under the influence of another person, do everything the way he wants - in front of you is a tyrant. You need to run away from him, and the sooner the better. He may not raise his hand to you and not shout, but at the same time he completely subordinates you to his will, deprives you of your personality. Are you still in doubt? Then ask yourself: next to this person, you became stronger, calmer, did these relationships manage to enrich your inner world?

2. Relationship with a liar

Your companion or friend is cheerful, sociable, cheerful, but he constantly lies. You regularly have to contemplate his lies, and sometimes they are unforgivable. He may say that he did not fulfill his promise, because he was very busy sorting out his problems, and then it turns out that he simply forgot about you. If you do not understand what all this performance is for, then the answer is simple - before you is a pathological liar or liar.

Any attempt to change this person will always fail. Your life next to him will turn into a continuous uncertainty, you will constantly wonder: is it true or false? The result of such a relationship is a broken trust that cannot be restored so easily. And not only to this person, but to all people in general. Such individuals suffer from a powerful personality disorder, laid down in early childhood: they believe that the truth is severely punished. One way or another, the prospects for such a relationship are rather vague.

3. Open relationship

In such relationships, gullible women are most often recruited, promising them magical castles. A womanizer man is always charming, though not always handsome. He knows how to care for and achieve the woman he likes. The result is always the same: sooner or later, such a suitor will storm another impregnable fortress. The behavior of a womanizer is immediately evident - he notices all the women around, follows them with his eyes and does not hesitate to do this in the presence of his passion. In such relationships, most women develop an inferiority complex.

4. Relationship with an irresponsible person

At first, an easy-going and benevolent person seems like an excellent candidate for the role of a friend or love of a lifetime. But soon serious problems begin. Such a person does not know how to refuse, does not know how to defend his opinion, agrees with everyone and waits for responsible decisions from his environment: a relative, friend or chosen one. Independence is not his forte. If you are ready to become a second mother for him, then you can connect your fate with him. Otherwise, such relationships will drown you: you risk being left alone under the burden of someone else's responsibility.

5. Dependent love

A relationship with an addict is the clearest example of an unhappy love or failed friendship. Your chosen one may be the best, smartest, most talented and most exalted person, but he has a flaw that overrides all advantages - dependence. Even if he chooses you now, after a while he may break all the given oaths. The worst thing is that it is impossible to influence such people if they themselves do not decide to be saved. You can spend years trying to get a person out of the clutches of addiction and end up with nothing.

Relationships themselves cannot be a problem, because they include love taken in its purest form. You can argue for a long time whether certain relationships improve or destroy our lives, but one thing is certain: the ability to listen to yourself and take a sober look at relationships is happiness. The line between toxic and healthy relationships lies where the line between joy and pain lies. That is, relationships become a problem when you hurt or allow others to hurt you. You will need time to learn to distinguish one from the other. We wish you a great mood and strong love. Be happy and don't forget to press the buttons and

08.05.2018 06:47

In the modern world, people are often lonely, and dreams of sincere and mutual feelings seem...

Conflicts can arise everywhere, regardless of the people around you and the circumstances. An evil boss or unscrupulous subordinates, demanding parents or dishonest teachers, grandmothers at bus stops or angry people in public places. Even a conscientious neighbor and a dandelion grandmother can cause a big conflict. About how to get out of the conflict without suffering damage - moral and physical - and will be discussed in this article.

It is impossible to imagine a modern person who is not subject to stress. Accordingly, each of us is in such situations every day at work, at home, on the road, some sufferers even experience stress several times a day. And there are people who constantly live in a stressful state and do not even suspect it.

Life is a strange and complicated thing that can throw up dozens of troubles in one day. However, it is worth remembering: any trouble is a lesson that will definitely come in handy sometime in the future. If a person is an honest student, then he will remember the lecture the first time. In the event that the lesson was incomprehensible, life will confront him again and again. And many people take this literally, complicating their lives! But sometimes you should not endure some things, looking for life lessons in them! What specific situations should be stopped?

Everything seems dull and gray, close people annoy, work infuriates and there are thoughts that all life is heading downhill somewhere. In order to change your own life, it is not necessary to do something supernatural and complex. Sometimes the simplest and most accessible actions for everyone can significantly increase the level of energy and make you feel much better. Try to introduce 7 effective practices into your life that will dramatically change your life for the better.

Everyone who is engaged in self-development knows that he cannot do without a feeling of discomfort. Quite often, people confuse discomfort with a black streak in life and begin to complain, or even worse, try to avoid change. But as experience shows, only by going beyond the comfort, you can find and acquire all the benefits that we need.

Many people cannot imagine their day without one or more cups. And it turns out that drinking coffee is not only tasty, but also healthy! If you do not complain about serious health problems, then you can drink a few cups of this delicious drink without remorse and enjoy its benefits.

Good day, my dear readers!

How is your mood? Tell me what are you dreaming about right now? Would you like to create such a relationship with a man that they are strong, full of love and mutual respect, joy and romance, inspiration and harmony?

If you want, then know, all this is real! Yes, two people in a couple influence the relationship, but a lot depends on the woman. After all, we can feel the mood of our man by reading this information in a second.

We are able to find words that will restore his faith in himself if everything falls out of his hands.

To cheer up when strength is running out, and the desired result is still very far away.

Purr, nourish with your love, admiration, faith and acceptance. And do many more magical things at the moment when they are most needed.

All this, of course, ideally, yes, we can do it all, but we do not always do it. And moreover, we are often not up to it, what could be the inspiration of someone, if we ourselves are barely dragging ourselves, someone would think of us. But this is a road to nowhere.

Only by thinking about what kind of relationship you really want, and starting to change yourself, you will directly influence the man. Here you will see! And today we’ll talk about the fatal mistakes women make in relation to men.

In order to change your relationship, if something does not suit them, you first need to stop making stupid mistakes! Those that can only ruin the relationship, and not what to bring to another level. Turning them into a pitiful effigy of past feelings.

Any girl can make many typical mistakes that interfere with her happiness. And not on purpose, just without thinking about the consequences of their behavior.

• There are bugs that can be compared to weeds. They seem to be invisible at first, but soon fill the entire space. And now, instead of juicy fruits, only weed grass remains ...
• Other mistakes destroy gradually, day by day, undermining the foundation of your unity. And years may pass when they leave only the dust of former luxury.
• The impact of the third can be compared with a raging element, leaving behind only empty lands in a short period of time.

Therefore, who is warned is armed. And whoever saw himself in such common examples can correct everything in time.

Relationship enemies you need to know by sight

Complete dissolution in a man

This is when you become such a pleasant plasticine from which you can sculpt whatever your partner wants. Rejection of your "I", personal goals and plans, desires for the sake of your half. When you abandon all hobbies, hobbies, interests, the main social circle, narrowing it all down to one point. In the center of which is He.

At the beginning of a relationship, when passions are running high, and a loved one can replace the whole world, one wants to spend as much time together as possible. It is interesting to know and understand him, to be aware of everything that happens in the life of the chosen one. I want to be the one and only...

But all these feminine desires can easily go to extremes when you forget yourself. This is especially true for women who are ready to take care of a man around the clock, if only he was well.

Consequences:

A man fell in love with you as a girl, as a person, and you become a faceless reflection of him. Your opinions, actions, constant concessions ... - all this will please him, but it's so boring. And we are talking about when you constantly give in, and not about the ability to give in in principle.

Where are you behind this? Real, alive, with its own dreams, its own zest, its own charm and charm?

And I don’t even want to talk here about the fact that men need tone, that they are conquerors. This is what you already know. And it's up to you to adapt this knowledge for yourself, or toss it aside. Now it's all about you.

If you voluntarily breathe only with your spouse, not noticing anything around, then you yourself will begin to experience internal dissatisfaction. All this will sooner or later break through during some kind of quarrel, when you scream that your best years have been ruined, not appreciated, and taken for granted.

Often, with such guardianship, there is a false feeling that a man a priori owes you something in return, because you try so hard for him every day. At a minimum, appreciate, as a maximum, perform constant feats for you. And when this does not happen, then the time of despair, mutual claims and insults begins.

Respect yourself, and treat a man not as a master, but as his shadow. Build relationships as two self-sufficient individuals who have room to grow, but they are interested and good with each other! Therefore they are together.

Yes, you can keep an eye on your only one, take care of him. But at the same time, you always have something to do if he went fishing, or meets friends. You do not fill all the space with your loved ones, and leave room in your life for other interests and communication with people.
This is a relationship that mutually enriches, not robs!

Re-education, "salvation" of a man

An obvious misconception. They don’t ask you, but you play the role of a “savior” (he will stop drinking with me and find a good job; I will make a man out of him; I will re-educate him ...) You know better than him how he should live, what to think about and what to do . You are the heroine, and without you he will be lost.

If he does not understand what kind of happiness has fallen on his head, and does not justify your efforts, does not want to change, to fulfill your orders. Either you continue to press, or you are offended with anguish. How so, you so stubbornly pull it out, inspire it, reshape it. And he ... such an ungrateful "cattle" ...

The secret here is that the person himself must want change!!! And you can only push to this, inspire, support, but do not drag by force by the ears, like a hippopotamus from a swamp. Especially after doing it for years.

The constant shaking of forces

You always prove something, argue, convince that you are better. Smarter, stronger, more talented, stubborn, independent. Humiliation of a man, empty disputes with foam at the mouth just to show that you are more important and more perfect than him.

Relationships are like a battlefield where you can’t relax, otherwise you will pay for it at any moment. Your chosen one in this situation has to constantly prove his masculinity.

All this burns out strength, and does not make it possible to accumulate them and use them outside of relationships when it is really needed. But men and so constantly have to prove to the whole world around them that they are the best! Where it leads? Share your thoughts in the comments.

Attitude towards the chosen one as a deliverer from personal problems

In this case, a wizard should appear who can turn your life into an endless holiday. Saturate it with interesting events, save you from loneliness, raise your self-esteem and so on. There is a shifting of responsibility as in the second paragraph, only now on your part.

Fireworks in your honor, heavenly life, days full of variety - it's all great and very pleasant. But don't wait for a man to do it. Start taking steps towards the life you want.

Balancing give and take

In a relationship, you can not pull the blanket only on yourself. Require only their own interests to be respected. Learn to give in, negotiate, prioritize.

You are one, so your partner's needs are just as important as yours. And yours are as important as his.

Jealousy

You don’t trust, you make a fuss about every occasion - your beloved said “thank you” to the cashier and smiled, and you already have a picture that they are having an affair. No matter how he justifies himself, he is still guilty.

Such jealousy humiliates the two of you, and finishes off the relationship with inadequacy. If your man is cheating, then decide whether you are ready to tolerate such behavior. If not, then why torment him with tantrums, thus hammering into his thoughts the very possibility of treason.

Total control, demand for explanations, reading his personal mail, messages, eavesdropping on conversations, regular scandals - cause resistance and, as a result, uncontrollability. You turn from a loving half into a vixen, destroying the dignity and personal space of a partner.

If you are together, then increase your confidence, and trust a man. If a man wants to "walk", then he will do it, no matter how you control him. Therefore, create such relationships so that he does not even have such thoughts.

moralizing, tediousness

This is the “removal” of brains, and the constant accusations of the husband (he doesn’t do it that way, he doesn’t look like that, he didn’t say that, he doesn’t earn so much ...). Use of words: “You always!…”, “You never…”
Do not hesitate to criticize openly, behind your back, in front of strangers, in front of your own children, in private and in society.

Treating your man as an inferior idiot, and constantly demonstrating this with your raids, it is easy to ruin the life of both yourself and him. And with their own hands to turn an initially normal person into a "complete misunderstanding."

Role mixing

This is when we treat men like little children. Or on the other side of the coin, we are little girls, and they are like dads.

We are all children at heart, but beyond that we are already adults. Care should not be turned into maternal care: “Brush your teeth, put on a scarf, don’t forget to pick up the child from the garden, don’t forget to warm up your soup…” "You should have said something like this..."

When you decide what and to whom your man should say, point out to him all the little things in everyday life, constantly talk to him like an unreasonable child, then turn the man into an infantile boy.

For some, over time, it becomes convenient and comfortable. After all, you don’t have to take any responsibility, you don’t have to think about anything - everything has already been invented by you.

But this terribly depresses self-esteem, suppresses the confidence of an adult who has long grown out of nursery shorts. Taking the responsibility of your half for your actions, wiping his snot, and washing his face after eating, you turn him into a little child.

And by the way, you also include his scripts from childhood. Maybe at one time he reconciled with such an attitude of his mother, when it was not for his age, and closed himself in, not letting her into his personal space. Or vice versa, he had to constantly argue with his mother, provoke her, knocking out his right to personal freedom, doing whatever he wanted without reporting.

Then he was able to separate himself from his mother in order to develop his courage, to become a man. And then he again falls into the past games and is forced to revolt again. Think also about the intimate sphere, “with mommy” it cannot be.

Blackmail, manipulation

A man will sooner or later get tired of playing your games and being manipulated. It tires anyone. Learn to look for equivalent forms of communication and get your way without extortion.

Victim Behavior

When girls allow themselves to be humiliated, raised their hands, insulted, “trampled” with their feet. If you find yourself in such a situation, think about whether you can deal with it yourself or if you need the help of a psychologist and other people. You were born a perfect creature in order to enjoy life, and not allow someone to ruin it.

That's all, my dear readers. I really want to have as many couples in love as possible. And so that we build happy, resourceful relationships! Instead of turning them into exhausting mutual discontent.

Be happy, love and appreciate each other!!!

I really hope that this article will help you look at relationships from a different perspective and correct your excesses in time. Share the article with your friends! I am waiting for you to visit on my blog and I will be glad to see you in my groups in the social. networks! Enter. It's also interesting.)

Hugs, Anastasia Smolinets.

How wonderful the relationship is at the very beginning: no quarrels, jealousy, great time together and other amenities. Seems like it will last forever.

However, six months / a year passes, and you begin to experience the first difficulties. Misunderstanding, frequent quarrels, groundless jealousy - where did it come from, because just recently everything was fine?

Do not rush into depression, because everyone faces difficulties. If you want to keep your love with your significant other, you need to learn how to overcome them. In the article we will talk about how not to spoil the relationship with the one you love. We will talk about 6 things that will continuously lead to a breakup. Be sure to get rid of them!

How not to ruin a relationship: 6 killers of your love

1. Jealousy

Sometimes girls even want to be jealous, because this makes them understand that they are valuable to their soulmate. However, over time it gets boring, especially if it is groundless. It suppresses, deprives of freedom, leads to negative thinking and quarrels, therefore, in all its manifestations, it slowly kills love. Do you want to know how not to ruin a relationship? First of all, you need to get rid of jealousy!

2. Desire to change partner

The desire to change your loved one is exactly what destroys relationships. It does not fit into the concept of love at all, because love implies that we like a person the way he initially is. Do not focus on the shortcomings of your soulmate, start changing for the better yourself. Your partner will definitely appreciate this, which will certainly lead to changes in his character. If you constantly show dissatisfaction, quarrels in relationships on this basis will gradually lead to their end.

3. Lie

As Dr. House said: "Everyone lies."

However, this genius of cynicism forgot to mention that it is exactly what destroys relationships. Lie to your loved one in the morning, day and night, with or without him, and then you will certainly part. If you don’t need unnecessary quarrels in a relationship based on deceit, train yourself not to lie even in simple things. Lying itself is not dangerous, but it leads to distrust, and distrust is the beginning of the end of your love.

4. Criticism of a partner

How not to destroy relationships? Do not criticize your partner! Of course, criticism can be constructive and very useful, but the main thing is to be able to present it correctly.

Let's take a banal situation in everyday life as an example: imagine that a wife has prepared unsalted borscht for her husband (who doesn't happen to). He can tell her “I won’t eat this borscht, it’s not salty at all, learn how to cook properly.” Where it leads? No good: in response, such a person will receive only negativity and, quite possibly, his wife will want to annoy him and do the same next time. However, if you present the problem more delicately: “Your borscht is very tasty as always, but it will become even better if you add a little salt to it,” then this will lead to a completely different reaction, and there will definitely not be a scandal.

5. Cruelty in any of its manifestations

We mean both moral and physical cruelty. If you are thinking with might and main about how to solve problems in a relationship, ask yourself, are you cruel to your soulmate? Maybe you do a lot of things to your loved one out of spite? Or are you deliberately trying to annoy him, often bring him to tears? Of course, there can be no talk of assault, because the common expression “beats means loves” does not really work in a relationship. Learn to restrain anger, even when all the circumstances of life are against you. It is important to be able not to break down on the one you value and love, and then everything will be in order.

6. Pessimism

Imagine that you presented a gift to your soulmate, and her response is a barely noticeable smile and a lack of emotion in her eyes. Would you like it? Probably not. The fact is that when one of the partners is a pessimist, the second begins to think that the problem of the eternal discontent of the first lies in him. In every possible way trying to correct the situation, he comes to the conclusion that all his attempts are futile, and this leads to disappointment and a showdown. If you want to know how not to ruin a relationship, learn to find joy in the little things.

Be grateful to your soulmate just for the fact that you have her!

How to solve relationship problems

Relationships are hard work, this is your joint business, which needs to be created from small things. Any problem is a reason to get closer, not a threat of parting. Relationships do not need to be protected, because this is not a small child, you need to work on them: control yourself, look for compromises, look at situations from two points of view.

Follow the guidelines and you'll be fine. If you truly love your soulmate, then you will do everything to. Use the recommendations in this article, start applying them today, and your relationship will grow stronger and develop, and not decline under the weight of problems.