How can you sympathize with a girlfriend girlfriend. tips to help you calm your friend. Example from the Word of God
Sooner or later, a situation arises when you need the help of friends. Then it becomes clear who is a true friend, and who is just an acquaintance, with whom you can only go shopping.
An important test for friendship is when a friend needs support.
The reasons can be very different. A friend fell in love or broke up with a guy, she has trouble at home or at school, she is experiencing a divorce from her parents or terror from her classmates ... After all, maybe she has autumn depression! What matters is not that, but whether you can help her. How to support a friend, what to do in this case?
First, listen to your friend. Listen to her without interrupting. If she is upset, it is very important for her to tell about the problem in all details. Do not criticize your friend and do not show your skeptical attitude. It is possible that for you her problems are nothing, but for her they can mean almost the end of her life! Each person has their own values, so even if you do not understand her condition, do not rush to express your opinion. It is better to put yourself in the place of a friend, so it will be easier for you to understand her.
Once you know what the problem is, discuss all possible ways to solve it. Think together about how you can improve the situation. It is likely that a friend who is upset did not even think about what to do to solve the problem. You must first of all help her understand what to think, how to proceed and where to look for a way out of the situation. And sitting and shedding tears is, of course, a pleasant thing, but useless.
“Besides your friend’s terrible problem, there are many other things in this life. Sometimes the best thing is to take your mind off the trouble and move on to something else. Think about how to get a friend out of depression. Sofa mode and watching tearful melodramas is not an option! Invite a friend to a party, go to the movies, or at least take a walk in the park. In the end, life doesn't end. Maybe after a little entertainment, a friend will look at her problem differently.
- Throw a friend an idea to change something in yourself. Appearance is important even in a state of depression due to lost love. In addition, external changes often lead to internal changes. For a friend, a new life stage begins, and a new one is often accompanied by suffering and loss. The main thing is to survive this period. In the meantime, invite your friend to change her hairstyle, dye her hair, or buy a new skirt. It's even better if you make a new thing out of old clothes together! Come up with different images for yourself, experiment with cosmetics. So not only the mood will improve, but also there will be a thirst for change and an interest in life!
“Remember, empathy is not wiping tears and nodding your head in response to exclamations that everything is bad and we will all die. The main thing is to help your friend take steps to change the situation! Inspire her that shedding tears around the clock is not an option. Discussing problems is an important thing, but you can’t endlessly complain and complain about life!
True friends will always help when support is needed.
If you are ready to listen to your friend and help her, to understand her without moralizing and skepticism, then you are a wonderful friend! You can always rely on.
However, friendship is not only the ability to help in difficult situations, but also the ability to be happy for a friend when she is happy. Sometimes it is more difficult, because the success of others often hurts us. Do not forget about it!
Supporting a loved one when he is in a difficult situation is not as easy as it seems at first glance. It requires great emotional dedication and delicacy. It is very important not to injure a person with careless statements.
All people experience problems in different ways, if one wants to hear a kind word, then for another it is important that he be left alone for a while. At this moment, you need to become a real psychologist for your friend or relative, and hear what he really needs.
How to support your spouse in a difficult life situation
Family life is not an easy task, spouses together have to experience not only joys, but also problems and troubles. How to support a loved one if he lost his job, failed in business or got into a very unpleasant situation?
Traditionally, a man is assigned the functions of a provider, and if for a while he loses the ability to cope with them, this becomes a significant blow to his self-esteem.
What should a woman do?
How to support a girlfriend in love failures
Among girls, it is customary to share love experiences with each other. If a friend broke up hard with a loved one, her boyfriend left her, or she survived a betrayal - most likely, she will definitely want to hear words of support.
Failures in personal life hit hard on self-esteem. After a breakup, many people begin to delve into themselves, looking for flaws. Therefore, it is necessary to remind a friend that she remains an attractive, interesting girl.
Loneliness is what a person who has lost a loved one feels. It is worth letting a friend know that her emotions and feelings remain important to her friends, and she can talk to them about her feelings at any moment. Love relationships are just one of the areas of human life, and even if the place of a partner has been left unoccupied for a long time, this does not mean that all life becomes inferior. You can often organize trips by a large group of friends to the cinema, cafe, to some kind of entertainment event.
Is it worth it to try to arrange the personal life of a friend, to organize supposedly casual acquaintances with her acquaintances for her? Only if she asks for it herself. The adage "knock out with a wedge" does not work here. A person cannot objectively look at a new acquaintance when feelings for a past partner still live in his heart. Therefore, if parting with a guy was especially painful, you need to wait until the girlfriend herself says about her readiness for a new relationship. 
How to support a person in case of loss
The death of a loved one is a very difficult ordeal. Most people, upon learning that their friend has faced such grief, are lost, and begin to utter formulaic phrases. “Hold on”, “it will be better there”, “you need to pull yourself together” - all these words only irritate the grieving.
Usually a person experiences grief in several stages. First he has to overcome shock and denial, then pain and anger, and last comes humility and acceptance of the situation. When in the stage of denial a person hears the words “life does not end here”, “everything will pass” - they are perceived by him as an insult. Indeed, at that moment it really seems to him that the black stripe will never end.
In such a period, it is better to help with deeds than with words. You can find out if you need financial support or help with organizational matters. As a rule, a large number of people participate in the organization of mourning events. But when 9 and then 40 days pass, they all gradually return to their usual lives, and the grieving one feels abandoned. 
How to support a person in difficult times? It is advisable not to leave him alone, unless he himself asks to be left alone. But instead of general questions “how are you?”, “how are you doing?”, it is better to ask specific ones: “did you sleep well?”, “would you like to take a walk?”, “do you want to bring groceries?”. You should not wait for a friend to ask for help himself - you must offer it yourself and in no case show offense if a refusal follows.
It is not enough just to support a loved one in difficult times - you need to give him time for a complete emotional recovery. Do not be offended if a friend forgets to wish you a happy birthday or, in general, begins to be less interested in other people's affairs and problems. Now he himself really needs strength and energy to survive a difficult period.
So, it is possible and necessary to support loved ones in difficult times, the main thing is to show delicacy and be ready to help not only with words, but also with deeds.
It is impossible to remain indifferent during a difficult period in the life of a loved one. Anyone can be in a prolonged depression, it is important to become support in time and provide all kinds of help. Methods must be effective, and words must be convincing, only then the result will be maximum. What to do if you can’t find words and fall into a stupor at the sight of a suffering person? Do not panic and read the instructions carefully.
8 effective methods of supporting a person in difficult times
Being nearby
Stay in sight, keep your phone on, and be there for a friend 24 hours a day. Stay overnight, if necessary, devote all your free time to a loved one. Show the skills of Sherlock Holmes and identify the true cause of the experience, and then try to eradicate it.
Do not say memorized phrases that only make it worse: “you can handle it,” “time will put everything in its place,” and the like. Make it clear that you are support and support, so you will provide comprehensive assistance.
Distracting maneuvers
Distract the person in every possible way, even if you have to stand on your head or dance on the table. Now it is important to eradicate grief, which soon threatens to develop into a prolonged depression. Contribute to the return of a friend or relative to normal life at least for a few hours a day. Take a trip to a park, a movie theater, a photo exhibition, or a place where there are no people at all.
An excellent option would be home gatherings with pizza or rolls, another option for dishes is possible. Turn on modern comedy, but not with the effect of melodrama, turn up the volume and delve into it. Try to comment on the actions of the characters and change them in your own way. Be tactful, it would be inappropriate to invite to a nightclub where everyone around is drinking and having fun. Although you know better the preferences of a loved one.
Expression of emotions
You can't deal with strong emotions by keeping them deep inside. It is important to throw out all the pain, and you, as a friend, must help in this. Provide an opportunity to show the despair, resentment, disappointment and sadness that hurts the heart.
An improvement in the general condition, both physical and psychological, will occur only after the expression of a storm of feelings. There are times when in such situations a person closes. Provoke him with an appropriate conversation, but watch the reaction and don't overdo it.
Desire to speak out
The ability to listen is valued in the same way as the art of speaking. Listen to all the words of your opponent, do not interrupt. The story can be long and repeated several times, that's okay. Do not make remarks “You already told (a)” or “Stop repeating!”. If a friend does this, then it is necessary.
Take for granted everything that is said and happening, provide support, assent, if necessary. You don't have to sit and ponder who did the right thing and who didn't, or why it all worked out the way it did. Limit yourself to the use of monosyllabic phrases “yes, of course”, “of course”, “I understand”, “exactly noticed”.
Useful advice
After going through an emotional discharge and many hours of monologue, it is your time to speak. At this stage, share your own thoughts on this or that matter, be convincing and do not question your words. Give similar examples from your life and tell how you coped with grief (if similar happened before).
Simulate the situation by putting yourself in the position of a friend. Being of sound mind, you have an undeniable advantage to use. Show concern and genuine concern for your emotional state. Perhaps the time has come to gently reason with the person about his erroneous actions and assumptions (if so).
Help
Offer to help around the apartment, do the cleaning and laundry. Pick up the kids from school, go to the store, pay the bills. Prepare or order a delicious dinner by buying a bottle of good wine. Surely you have an idea about the taste preferences of a loved one, play on it.
Of course, it will not be possible to restore the former balance in an instant, but you will clearly ease the situation. Help until the condition returns to normal and life returns to normal. It will take time, as always. This method is considered the most effective among all tested.
Assessment of the situation
It is important to understand the gravity of the situation, not to condemn or reproach. Perhaps a loved one will have unreasonable outbursts of anger, do not answer back. A mental storm makes people look at things differently, show indulgence and patience.
Do you see the absurdity of what is happening? Keep quiet, wait for a convenient moment to report it. Constant irritability is also common, take emotions with humor, turning everything into a joke. If you notice that you yourself are already on the verge, take a walk and gather your thoughts together.
A few steps ahead
Listen to your intuition, watch the reaction to actions and words. Judge by the situation and you will see progress. Do not use template methods, tears do not flow according to schedule. Be two steps ahead of a friend/relative, be always ready.
Man is a purely individual person. What works with one will fail with another. Empathy, constant attention, care - that's what really matters!
Everyone needs a solid shoulder of relatives during an illness. There are a number of recommendations developed specifically for this purpose.
- Show love and make it clear that you value the person.
- Prove that the disease did not affect your plans in any way, even if this is not true. It is important to show all the love and care, to make the patient feel needed.
- Make plans to implement together after discharge. Arrange to go to the movies or visit your favorite bar, work out several options for spending time together.
- For those who are not seriously ill, buy an interesting present in a comic form, hinting at a speedy recovery.
- If you are colleagues, repeat more often about boring workdays without your buddy. Share funny stories that happened during your absence.
- Come to the hospital as often as possible. Share news, contact the patient for advice / help, ask for an opinion.
- Bring backgammon, checkers or poker to the clinic, borrow a friend. Everyone knows how boring bed rest can be. Have fun together and play pranks on each other if the ailment is not serious.
- Create a normal room from the ward (as far as possible). Bring personal items from home, place a vase of flowers, or set up the kitchen table with a tablecloth and normal cutlery. If there are no contraindications, order your favorite food, as it is a source of good mood. Who doesn't love delicious food?
- Download some movies to your laptop or purchase an e-book to brighten up the patient's gray days when he is alone.
- The above methods are mostly effective for people with mild illnesses, but how to support someone who is seriously ill?
Be there every day, put aside all your affairs and make it clear that now only the health of your loved one is important to you. Buy nice little things, make gifts with your own hands and reveal secrets. Ask for advice, cheer up and do not let the patient lose heart. If he wants to talk about an illness, keep the conversation going and be gentle.
Your loved ones need you in times of despair, grief and emotional distress. Rely solely on intuition, act according to the situation and show indulgence. Look for the right words of support, provide comprehensive assistance, use effective methods of distraction. Show all the love and care you can, be around as often as you can. You know your loved ones well, help them and goodness will return a hundredfold!
Video: words of support in difficult times
Sympathy, indifference, empathy - these are invaluable skills inherent in the world of people.
The ability to support a person in a difficult moment makes us closer and better: it is important for both - both for the one who suffers and for the one who extends a helping hand to him. But not everyone knows how, with what words and actions to support another.
Support in action
Think about it: sometimes two words spoken at the right time can save a life. Behind the beautiful and strong facade of a self-sufficient person, deep depression can be hidden, leading to terrible decisions.
Many people around you stand on the edge of the abyss and need compassion, but they are silent about it. To see someone else's misfortune, to pat on the back, to convince a colleague or friend that everything will work out is a great skill.
But it is not enough just to notice the problem, it is important to say the right words. What can they be?
1. "How can I help you?" This phrase is suitable for active, but not particularly sentimental altruists. Demonstrate your readiness to get involved in the battle for a comrade, dig headlong into his problem and together, shoulder to shoulder, resolve the issue. 
Perhaps your help will not be needed, but the desire will be appreciated and will instill optimism in a person.
Support in practice is a very important thing. You can bring groceries to a heartbroken friend's house, help her with cleaning, pick up her son from kindergarten while she cleans up.
Surrounding your loved one with care, you will show that he is not alone and is loved.
In difficult situations (during the funeral of loved ones, long-term treatment of relatives, knocking out free medicines), the best way to support a person is to take on part of the organizational issues.
You can call relatives, consult lawyers, make copies of documents, order tickets, and the like.
2. "What could cheer you up?". Take an interest in what things bring pleasure to a person, suggest pleasant thoughts, distract from problems.
A bucket of ripe strawberries, a trip to the petting zoo, eating a huge pizza, a trip to an amusement park, buying a new dress... People draw positive energy from the most unexpected objects.
3. "Do you want me to stay by your side?", “Maybe I should stay here today?”. It is harmful for a person in trouble to be alone with negative thoughts and depression. It is not necessary to sit and grind the problem in words - it is enough just to be in the next room, nearby.
4. "Everything goes and it is also". King Solomon was wise and rightly valued this slogan. Everything ends, both good and bad. Times change and bring change with them. Convince the person that you need to endure quite a bit - the finale will come anyway.
5. "What worries you the most?". Learning about the true causes of sadness is useful - this gives the grieving a chance to speak out and at the same time delve into himself, setting priorities and placing emphasis.
It may turn out that the official reason for depression is just a cover for deeper complexes and suffering.
For example, your girlfriend is worried that she was fired. It looks like she is crying because of the financial hole she has fallen into, but in fact, low self-esteem, fear of the new, feeling like a mediocre and stupid employee who nobody needs speaks in her.
Understanding the causes of depression is the key to choosing the right words for support.
6. Instead of a thousand words - silence. Be silent, hug tightly and carefully listen to the confession of the suffering. The ability to listen is no less valuable gift than communication skills.
How not to support in difficult times
Sometimes silence is golden. Especially in those moments when forbidden words and emotions are ready to fly off the lips.
What not to say, does your friend have grief?
1. " I feel so sorry for you!» Pity does not mean sympathy.
In general, self-pity is the last thing a sick, abandoned or fired person wants to feel. It is much better to radiate a positive attitude.
2. " Yes, everything will be fine tomorrow!" If you are not aware of the situation, do not express false-optimistic expectations.
It is difficult for a terminally ill person to hear your conviction that he will "definitely get better." In this case, it is worth looking for other words of support.
3. " I was fired twenty times, but I didn’t kill myself like that". Your experience is certainly invaluable, but a depressed person seems to be in a unique situation. In addition, there are no guarantees that you really got identical problems, and everyone has a special perception of reality.
4. " I feel bad too, my leg hurts, my neck is puffed up". You should not complain in response - after all, you came to support, and not pull the blanket over yourself.
A person in trouble has one consolation - to be in the center of attention, to be surrounded by care. Yes, and it looks ridiculous when you come to a person who has recently lost a loved one and complain about a cough.
With the support of a friend, lover or relative, it is important to be there even in the most difficult emotional periods.
People in grief are aggressive, blinded by rage, offended by the whole world, grouchy and critical.
Being in the same room with them is a difficult task, but this is how the real closeness of souls is manifested and confirmed.
Everyone has difficult times. Sometimes troubles concern people close and significant to us. What to do and how to help them? What words to choose in difficult times? Let's try to figure this out together.
Listen and hear
Paradoxical as it may seem, but you should not immediately rush at a person with words of support. Template blanks will not lead to anything. The main thing is to understand what is happening inside him now, from this the necessary words will be found.
But, just the ability to listen and hear is not given to everyone. “Well, let him fail!”, Two women say after a breakup. Only one has really anger that will raise her to hitherto unseen feats in all areas. And the second has a cry of despair, a convulsive attempt to drown out the understanding that without him she will be lost.
Or another example: “My boss is a fool and I quit my job,” three men stun the household. Only one had a plan in mind long ago to try something of his own; the second - complete depression and a feeling of no need for anyone; and the third is generally happily going to “rest for a week or two” before starting to look for a new job.
Hence the main first point: understand how significant this problem is for a person: it completely breaks him - then it will be necessary to comfort and “resurrect” him; she is an impetus to change life dramatically - support and believe in his undertakings; but if this problem is just a screen in order to “get off” from the case, do not overdo it with “wiping your nose”.
Men don't cry or complain
This point especially concerns the representatives of the stronger sex, although some women have also set themselves a number of taboos, from which they may later suffer. Negative emotions need to be released. If a person keeps them all in himself and does not let them out, he actually begins to “burn” himself from the inside. Many experts believe that it was our domestic attitude that “men should not cry and complain, otherwise they are not men, but rags” that led to such a huge number of heart attacks and strokes in middle-aged men. And, if in Europe the representatives of the stronger sex go to a psychologist, in Eastern countries they relieve stress through physical activity, then our man goes to a bar where the problem does not find a way out, but the liver also tenses up.
Important advice - try to bring a person to an explosion of emotions: let him cry out his pain, resentment or disappointment; let him speak out, swear at all the offenders. If it doesn’t work out for him, make him move: go home with him on foot through the whole city, fight pillows, write the name of the offender on a piece of paper and make him tear and trample this paper.
A good exercise to relieve acute stress: a person claps his hands and stomps with all his might, until vibration in the limbs and a tingling sensation occur. If the client is completely in a state of incredible depression, be sure to bring him to a psychologist.
It happens that a person now cannot retell and say anything: grief is so strong. Often this happens with the sudden death of a loved one. And just in this case, you need to cry. You can also hug a person, thus expressing support and sway a little with him. Such a pendulum movement is absolutely natural, it is laid down by our body to relieve off-scale tension. By the way, many do it instinctively during periods of excitement, without even realizing it.
The main thing is a reliable shoulder nearby
Offer the person help. Often in critical situations, a person is afraid to be alone with the problem. Perhaps he will not contact you, but this will instill confidence that there is a person nearby who is able to support and help.
Well, if besides you, then there is no one closer - you should not only offer help, but also take on relevant and urgent matters: cook food, clean up, draw up the necessary documents or make orders.
Try to distract from annoying thoughts
The constant return to its collapse, makes you miss a bunch of new opportunities. Focusing on the breakup of a relationship prevents us from noticing a new person, who may actually be destiny. Distract a person: take him to a new place, to a cinema, park, cafe. Although, of course, such proposals should be timely and adequate: you should not drag the ward to a night disco immediately after the funeral. But, if after a week you are told that “I’ll sleep better, curled up”, you should not postpone active intervention. So it doesn’t take long to earn depression with suicidal thoughts.
Caring, condescension and understanding - this is what a person needs. Do not flaunt: “I warned you!” or “I told you!” A person already feels disgusting, and you further reinforce his shaky position. Offer a person advice, but in such a way that he comes to him himself. If you put pressure and demand to do something immediately, then a person can simply “close in his shell”.
Everything in this life is not just
This is wisdom or an axiom that must be constantly kept in mind. Any problem and negative situation, after a while, must be considered from the point of view: why was it given to me? What conclusion should I draw from it? It is better to learn to understand people, to try another branch of activity, to become more persistent. “After all, what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger!”
We trample on the rake
And the most difficult thing: someone else's soul, as they say, darkness. Sometimes people do not want to draw conclusions and learn from mistakes. They like to return to the old relationship a hundred times and again leave with a broken heart, or find the same tyrant boss. But remember, it's their life, not yours. And, therefore, they to some extent enjoy the experiences, emotions and comforts, like in a soap opera. You don't have to get angry about it. Each person chooses his own happiness. In this case, try not to get so emotionally involved.
The same goes for older people. Are you already sick of all the negativity that flows in a continuous stream? Don't argue or argue. Just imagine how insulting it is for a person to give all his strength and drag out a not quite worthy existence or feel like a burden. Think about it, because this is your soul mate, without which you would not exist. So just say in response just how you love, appreciate and worry!
So what words to choose?
So what words to choose with all this? Only sincere! If you have a really significant person in front of you, you can safely tell him how important, beloved and valuable he is for you; And what are you willing to do to help him? And also frankly, not for pathos. But, remember that to accept or not to accept your help is the business of the person himself. Maybe he's not ready yet. But how to be there, exactly at the right time - no one will tell you, except for your inner voice. But the reward of such efforts will be a closer connection and, proven by trouble, relationships.
