How to understand that a man doesn’t love you and doesn’t need you: advice from a psychologist, can a man fall in love again. How to determine if a man needs you? Realize that he doesn't need you

If you just met and you left him your phone number. If a guy calls you back right away, then this is, in principle, a positive sign: he may be quite seriously interested in you. Although, perhaps, he regards you as a one-night adventure. But the fact that he called back is already a positive factor. It would be worse if your phone never recognized his number on the display.

If he calls, try not to be too emotional and don't start making plans for your future together. It’s worth staying calm and turning on your brain. How do you understand that his call means that he doesn’t need you for a serious relationship?

If he called late, that is, he promised at one time, but calls much later. Your conversation isn’t going particularly well: he’s not in the mood to answer questions about himself, and he’s not particularly interested in you. The only thing he is interested in is meeting you.

In this situation, you should think about whether you need this date. You can be sure that the young man will disappear after the first sex. If you are mentally prepared for this, then you can easily spend one night with him.

But, if you are still looking for a serious relationship and dream of true love, you should not waste your energy and emotions on this young man.

A more difficult situation is when a man makes it clear that the girl is not needed, despite the fact that they have been in a relationship for a long time.

The beginning of your relationship could inspire a novelist to create a new masterpiece. Your man was caring, he surrounded you with attention and love. But, unfortunately, your happiness somehow quickly ended.

Your man makes it clear that he no longer needs you. How exactly does he do this - how do men make it clear that a girl is not needed?

You will feel changes in his behavior and attitude towards you. He is no longer pleased to meet with you and every time he finds a lot of things to do just so as not to meet with you.

It is now important for him to stay late at work or go to a bar with friends. He often forgets to call you, and explains this by being very busy.

You stopped spending time together, although you used to have a huge number of joint activities that brought you both pleasure.

Quarrels became more frequent. Moreover, because of the little things. He constantly finds fault with you: he is not satisfied with the way you dress, the way you cook, or the way you communicate with him.

You feel a lack of attention. You miss love and care from him.

If you sit down and analyze the whole situation and his behavior, you will understand that your man is making it clear that he doesn’t need you anymore. Perhaps he met another girl or simply stopped loving you. The saddest thing in this story is that the man does not have the courage to admit this to you and talk honestly.

What to do in such a situation? Pull yourself together and stop crying or making scandals with him. Believe me, such methods have never helped anyone solve problems. If a man himself does not dare to start a conversation, do it yourself. You must be determined in your decision - to dot all the i's.

When talking, you should not blame him and cry, you will only anger him. Ask him questions and wait for him to answer them for you. Try to come to a common decision together.

In any case, no matter how much it hurts you, understand that you won’t be very nice. Let him go and just wish him happiness.

A man may say: “I’m terribly stuck at work; I recently experienced the breakup of a serious relationship, which was a big blow for me; my parents’ divorce left an indelible mark on my soul and brought a bunch of new troubles; I need to focus on my career now; I can’t get into a relationship until everything gets better in my life; as soon as my situation improves, I will leave my wife, girlfriend, lousy job; I'm terribly busy."

It’s easier for us to jump out of a window than to say: “You’re not right for me.” We are one hundred percent sure that in this case you will kill us or yourself, or both of us, or, even worse, start crying and screaming. Even if we don't say it, we clearly show our attitude to you. Stop making excuses for us, our actions speak for themselves: we just don’t like you.

1. He doesn't like you that much if he doesn't ask you out.

Because if he likes you, trust me, he will definitely make an appointment with you

1. Excuse: Maybe he doesn't want to ruin our friendship.

I hate to tell you this, but this excuse doesn't hold water. Unfortunately, throughout human history, this excuse has never been used by those who really meant it. If we really care about a woman, we can't bring ourselves to stop - we want more. And please don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he is afraid of - and I say this with sincere sympathy for you - is to admit that he is not attracted to you at all.

2. Excuse option: He probably doesn’t dare take the first step.

You can hint to a man that you like him, but you shouldn't help him ask you out. I repeat again, dear ladies: the fact that you smile and playfully wink at him will be quite enough.

3. Excuse: Maybe he doesn't want to rush things.

If a man really likes you, but there are deeply personal reasons why he doesn't want to rush things, he'll tell you immediately. He will not leave you in the dark because he needs confidence that you will not be disappointed and disappear from his life.

4. The “But he gave me his phone number” excuse

Don't let him use cheap tricks to get you to ask him out on a date. If a man is interested in you, he will take all the troubles upon himself. It sounds a little old-fashioned, but when a man likes a woman, he asks her out.

5. The “Perhaps he forgot about me” excuse

Rest assured, you've made an impression on him. Now leave everything as it is. If he likes you, he will remember you even after a tsunami, flood or defeat of the Russian national team in the next match. If he has forgotten about you, you should not waste time on him. Do you know why? Because you are great.

Any excuse essentially means that you are of little interest to him. Men are not afraid to “ruin friendships.”
Don't fall for his tricks and don't ask him out. If he likes you, he will invite you himself.
If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will do it.
“Hey, let's meet at such and such a party/at some bar/at a friend's house” does not qualify as a date invitation. Even if you live in New York.
The man remembers well whether he liked you when he met, so hang up.
You are good enough to be asked out.

2. He doesn't like you that much if he doesn't call you.

Men know how to use the phone

6. The “But he’s on the road so often” excuse

Take note: a man who is interested in you wants to spend time with you. And he will be content with five phone calls only if he can’t catch the plane to rush to you.

7. Excuse like “But his head is busy with completely different things”

The most important question here is: “Is it normal if a man forgets to call me?” I answer: “No.” Unless he needs to rush someone to the hospital or someone stole his Ferrari. He should never forget that he promised to call you. If I really like you, I will never forget about you. Don't you expect the kind of guy who would rather forget about everything that happened in his life than forget about you?

8. The "He's not saying what he really means" excuse

Here's the problem: at the end of a date or phone conversation, many men tell you what they think you'd like to hear. They think it's better than nothing. So if the guy you're dating doesn't call you despite all his promises, is it worth getting hung up on him? After all, you want a man who can at least keep his word.

9. The “But he’s very busy” excuse

Now I'm going to make an outrageous, harsh and categorical statement regarding the relationship between a man and a woman: the word "busy" is complete nonsense, usually used by asses. The word “busy” can destroy any relationship in one gulp. Being extremely “busy” may seem like a convincing excuse, but in reality, behind this concept there is always a man who was not interested in calling you. Remember: men will always have time to achieve what they want.

10. One hundred percent of the surveyed representatives of the stronger sex said: they will always find a minute to call a woman they really like.

If he doesn't call you, it means he doesn't think about you.
If he makes promises and then lets you down in small ways, rest assured that the same will happen when it comes to bigger things. Keep this in mind and keep in mind that this guy will have no problem disappointing you.
You should not build a relationship with someone who is unable to keep his word.
If he is unwilling to make the slightest effort to calm you down and smooth over the brewing conflicts in your relationship, then he simply does not respect your feelings and needs.
"Busy" is the same as "donkey". And "donkey" is the same as the guy you're dating.
You fucking deserve to be called.

3. He doesn't like you all that much if he doesn't acknowledge the fact that you're dating.

Spending time together does not mean dating

11. The “He just went through a painful breakup” excuse

He may be one of your closest friends, but as a man he's not that into you. Beware of the word "friend." It is often used by men or women who are in love with these men to justify their most disgusting behavior. When choosing friends, I prefer people who don't upset me.

12. The "But we're really dating" excuse

Men, like women, strive to gain a sense of security and safety when they see a relationship becoming serious. One common way to achieve this is to claim your loved one. A man who is truly passionate about you will want you to be his. What's wrong with that, girls?

13. The “It’s better than nothing” excuse

Let me remind you: you want a man who wants you, calls you regularly and makes you feel like the sexiest and most desirable woman in the world. He longs to see you more and more often, because each time his feeling grows stronger, growing from sympathy into true love. A relationship in which you meet a man once every two weeks or once a month without feeling any love or sympathy from him can last a day, or a week, or a month. But can they last a lifetime?

14. One hundred percent of men surveyed said that fear of a serious relationship has never stopped them from starting a new romance. One young man even remarked: “The fear of a serious relationship is one of the myths of the big city.” And another guy said, "That's what we tell girls we don't really like."

Men talk about their feelings, even if you refuse to listen or don't believe their confessions. “I’m not ready for a serious relationship” means “I’m not ready for a serious relationship.” with you" or "I'm not sure that you are the woman I need." (I am sorry.)
“Better than nothing” should not suit you.
If you don't understand what's going on in your relationship, then there's nothing wrong with slowing down and asking him a few questions.
Smells of uncertainty? Don't expect anything good.
There is one guy in the world who will want to tell everyone that he is your boyfriend. Stop fooling around and go find him.

4. He doesn't like you that much if he doesn't want to have sex with you.

If a man likes a woman, he always wants to touch her

Dear ladies, you have already met and will continue to meet a great many men. I hate to tell you this, but some of these men will simply decide that you are not their type. And none of those men who don't like you will ever tell you about it. And he will say that... he is afraid, worried, exhausted from fatigue, experiencing pain from a broken leg, suffering from a cold, afraid (again). But the truth, simple, cruel and bitter, is clear as daylight: he is not attracted to you, and he does not want to hurt you.

15. The "He's afraid he'll get hurt again" excuse

Is he afraid? Yes, he is afraid of offending you. That's why he didn't clarify the situation with your relationship. He may even be trying to make himself feel something for you by talking about how much he loves you and how he doesn't want to lose you, but might as well sign your name in your diary. He loves you as a friend. If he loved you as a woman, he would not be able to control himself and would have a whirlwind affair with you, despite all his fears and unpleasant memories.

16. The "I drive him so crazy that he doesn't show any interest" excuse

Of course, many people have suffered in the past and now fear serious relationships. But you know what? If a man really likes you, nothing will stop him from pursuing you, not even the fear of a serious relationship. If he really has big problems about this, he may go for pointless treatment, but he will never keep you in the dark.

17. The “But it’s so cool” excuse

It used to be that a woman refused to have sex when she wanted to gain power over a man. It seems that representatives of the stronger sex have also learned to use this. If a guy is lying on the couch with you, happily eating cookies and watching a movie (and is not gay), then he simply is not attracted to you.

18. The “He has a bunch of explanations for everything” excuse

You can believe his excuses if you want, but ask yourself a few questions first. Are you satisfied with this kind of relationship? The most important thing here is do you want to feel this way, possibly for the rest of your life? Sex is also one of the greatest pleasures a person can experience. Therefore, it is at least strange when the person you are dating prevents you from having this pleasure.

19. Remember:

People talk about who they really are all the time. If a man tells you that monogamy is not for him, then there is no reason not to believe him.
Communication is wonderful. But if communication is combined with sex, that’s even better. Call a spade a spade, or rather, call a friend a friend. And find yourself a friend who can't resist touching you.
If you have low self-esteem, then you will have to spend more time improving it than looking for a new boyfriend. So prioritize according to your needs.
If you are tempted by the thought of a thousand and one nights spent in the arms (and only) of some man, then get yourself a puppy.
Hot thing, there's a man walking around somewhere who really wants to make love to you.

5. He doesn't like you that much if he sleeps with another woman.

There is no truly convincing excuse for cheating

Whatever problems plague your relationship, they do not give him the right to make love to another woman. Don't ask what is your fault. There is no need to take the blame on yourself. And if he tells you that it happened by accident, then remember: cheating is not accidental. This is not an accident like “I stumbled and was sucked into a swamp called “Treason.” He planned and executed this, fully aware that it could end your relationship. Remember: if he sleeps with another woman without your permission and approval, then he is acting not just like a man who is not that interested in you, but like a man who is not interested in you at all.

20. The "He has no excuse and he knows it" excuse

Cheating is bad. And the inability to explain why you cheated on a person is even worse. If one red flag isn't enough for you, how about two? Don't date men who don't know why they did something.

21. The “But I got fat” excuse

I'm completely sure that you need to lose 200 pounds from your worthless boyfriend, not the twenty pounds he's talking about. He cheated on you and called you fat. How much humiliation can a person endure? If something in your relationship does not suit him, then he should talk about it with you, instead of seeking solace in the vagina of another woman. Plus, think about how he would react if you got pregnant, got older, or got a few wrinkles? Or if you dye your hair a color he doesn't like? Get rid of this loser immediately, or I will come to your house and throw him out.

22. The “He needs more sex than me” excuse

There is no excuse for him to cheat on you. Dot. There are many ways to solve this fairly common problem, which arises due to differences in sexual appetite. As a rule, people start by having an open conversation about this topic, and everyone agrees to do everything in their power to make their partner happy. At the same time, it is not at all necessary to jump into bed with someone else!

23. The "But at least he knew her" excuse

I’ll explain in other words: it doesn’t matter whether he loves you or not. He has made it clear to you what his feelings are about your affair. He acted on his feelings and arranged everything so that he could be alone with another woman, kiss her, take off her clothes and do everything else that usually happens when two adults have sex. Can you continue to love him after this?

24. One hundred percent of men surveyed reported that they had never made love to a woman by pure chance. (But many of them wanted to know how such an accident occurs and what needs to be done to take advantage of it.)

There is no excuse for cheating. Let me repeat: there is no excuse for cheating. Now say it yourself: there is no excuse for cheating.
The only thing you are responsible for when another person fails morally is your own feelings.
Treason is betrayal. It doesn’t matter who he cheated on you with and how many times it happened.
Each time it becomes easier to change. It is only difficult the first time when you experience remorse and guilt because you have not lived up to the trust of another person.
Cheaters are never happy. (Because they're all bastards.)
An unfaithful man first of all cheats on himself, since he cannot build a normal relationship with you.

6. He doesn't like you that much if he only wants to see you when he's drunk.

If he likes you, he will be eager to see you when his brain is not clouded by alcohol fumes. If your clown puts on a red nose every time it comes to intimacy, then this indicates that there are serious problems in your relationship.

25. The “But I like it when he’s drunk” excuse

If, sitting at a bar, he drunk says something like: “Baby, you’re so beautiful!” and at the same time hugs you a little tighter than he should, then it’s high time you learned something: you can’t believe everything a man says when he’s drunk. And listen to the ex-bad guy: “bad boys” are called bad because they have a lot of troubles, no self-esteem, and they have absolutely no faith in sincere love relationships, but very often they dress cool and drive cool cars. wheelbarrows. Is this really what you need?

26. The “At least he doesn’t drink the strongest drinks” excuse

Don't be fooled. A guy who doesn't collapse and pee his pants from drinking shouldn't get away with quietly turning his brain off in a different, easier way every time you're together. It's still intoxication, it's still a desire to avoid responsibility, and it's still not very good for you.

27. Remember:

His words mean nothing if he said them while drunk. “I love you” or the like, said under the influence of any drink stronger than grape juice, has no force in court or in real life.
Drinking alcohol and drugs is not the way to a person’s deepest feelings. Otherwise, people wouldn't break empty beer bottles over their heads and try to touch the flames of a fire to see if they would feel anything or not.
If he wants to see you, communicate with you, have sex with you only when he is drunk, this is not love, this is sport.
Bad guys aren't called bad for nothing.
You deserve a man who doesn't have to pump himself up to spend time with you.

7. He doesn't like you that much if he doesn't want to marry you.

Love cures commitment sickness

Each of your ex-men who told you that they don’t want to get married, or don’t believe in marriage, or have doubts about marriage, will certainly tie the knot someday. Not with you. Because he’s not saying that he doesn’t want to get married at all. He says that he doesn't want to marry you.

28. The “Everything is very complicated now” excuse

If you focus on the state of your finances when choosing a time for your wedding, this favorable period will never come. If your boyfriend uses lack of money as an excuse not to marry you, then it is your relationship that is at risk, not his bank account.

29. The “But he’s just like that” excuse

If you have to sit and think about how to start a conversation about marriage with a person with whom you have been in a close relationship for quite some time, then this is an alarming sign. Immediately call him for a frank conversation and sort things out. Then, as soon as you are ready, go find someone who will be all about how you feel.

30. The dilemma of “Is this really an excuse not to get married?”

Marriage is a tradition that we inherited from previous generations, which is why marriage has so many opponents. So be it: if a man is categorically against marriage, and you are both for it, then please make sure that behind his reluctance to marry lies only a dislike for the very institution of marriage, and not any other feelings or lack thereof.

31. The “I’m just not ready yet” excuse

I hate to tell you this, but he doesn’t want to rush for just one reason: he’s still not sure that you’re the one.

32. The "He's seen enough other failed marriages" excuse

For a worthy man, meeting a woman with whom he wants to share his life always becomes a real event. And, probably, if he understands that this is exactly the woman, he will not immediately tell her that the very thought of registering their relationship disgusts him.

33. One hundred percent of the men surveyed admitted that they would undoubtedly propose marriage to a woman if they were completely sure that she was the love of their life. One representative of the stronger sex said: “What kind of idiot do you have to be not to marry the woman you love?”

“He doesn’t want to get married” and “He doesn’t want to marry me” are two different things. Make sure that you correctly determine which category your chosen one belongs to.
If you have opposing views on marriage, there will likely be other issues that will lead to disagreements. It's time to make a problem list.
If nothing changes in your relationship, then what are you waiting for?
Somewhere on earth there is a man walking who wants to marry you.

8. He doesn't like you that much if he dumped you.

"I don't want to be with you" still means exactly that

34. The “He needs me” excuse

Don't be satisfied that he's bored without you. He should be bored. You are so unique. And yet he was and remains the person who abandoned you. Remember, there is only one reason why he might miss you when he remembers you: he thinks that he doesn't want to spend this day with you.

35. Justification like “It’s much easier after this decision”

If he dates you, asks you out, dumps you and continues to sleep with you, that essentially absolves him of any responsibility for your feelings for him. There is one thing that a young man will never do if he cannot imagine his life without you: he will never leave you. The only way for you to know if you love yourself is to get rid of him, and get rid of him as quickly as possible.

36. The “But everyone does it” excuse

Stop holding on to his dick, get dressed and quickly go home to your best friend. And don't look for an excuse to stay with him. And don’t think that all this crazy passion will inevitably lead to you getting together again. Oh yeah, sex after a breakup is not bad at all, because it's great to sleep with someone you know. It's also great to sleep with someone you have strong feelings for. This combination is what makes sex after a breakup so vibrant. But now you know that because of this, real confusion arises in your head and you begin to feel terrible. Let's face it: you are a woman, and women don't know how to separate love and sex. And don't make the same mistakes again. Got it? He doesn't like you that much. He much prefers a very bad idea that masquerades as a very good idea, namely sex after a breakup. Like this.

37. The “But then he wants to go back” excuse

Unfortunately, after you break up, your boyfriend starts looking for something better. And when he fails, he is overcome by loneliness and returns “home.” It's not like he likes you very much. He just really doesn't like being alone.

38. The “I refuse to accept the fact that he left me” excuse

I'm sorry he left you. By trying again and again to win him back, you make your ex-boyfriend think: “What did I even see in this psycho bitch?” Remember one simple tip, ladies: always be on top. Never go crazy. Well, well, in fact, this is not even one, but two tips. But trust me, you will never regret listening to them. At least this will save you from unpleasant memories of how you cut his clothes into pieces or threw out all the photos of him.

39. Remember:

You won't be able to prevent a breakup by talking. Discussions won't help here. The termination of relations is a final decision and cannot be appealed.
Having sex after a breakup doesn't mean you're back together.
Stop communicating with him. Let him miss you.
You don't need to remind him how great you are.
He can take care of his cat himself.
A “gorgeous woman” will never torment his answering machine.
Somewhere there is a young man waiting for you who will be just happy that you didn’t get back together with your terribly nasty ex-boyfriend.

9. He doesn't like you that much if he just up and disappeared.

Sometimes you have to make up your own mind

Well, everything is very clear here. He made it clear to you that you were so not his type that he didn’t even bother to leave you any news about himself. The only thing you should take away from this love story is the fact that he decided to leave you. And he didn’t have the courage to tell you this, looking him in the eye. Case is closed.

40. The “Maybe he died” excuse

There is nothing worse than not receiving a response from your loved one. But the trouble is that the lack of an answer is the answer for you. He may not have written a goodbye letter, but his silence says more clearly: “I don’t like you.” The only reason why you should write to him again is the desire to receive an explicit refusal, now in verbal form. Have you forgotten? You are too busy with your fans and you don't have time for such nonsense.

41. Excuse like “So, it turns out I can’t even have a row with him for the last time?”

At first, it may seem that you will feel better if you call him and start a scandal. You may feel like you let him get away with it. But believe me, nothing you want to tell him will be a revelation to him. And you already have something to spend your time on.

42. The “But I just want an answer” excuse

Do you deserve to know what really happened? Without a doubt. I can tell you what happened: you dated a terrible person. The easiest way to correct this mistake is to draw certain conclusions for yourself, move on with your life and continue to be more selective in choosing a partner. Do all this quickly without wasting a minute of your precious time.

43. One hundred percent of male respondents who "disappeared" from a woman's sight said they were fully aware that they had done something terrible, and no amount of phone calls or late conversations would make them change their mind.

He may indeed be in the hospital suffering from amnesia, but more likely he's just not that into you.
The lack of an answer is his answer to you.
Don't give him the opportunity to reject you again.
Let his mother make scandals for him. And you're too busy for that.
There is no mystery here: he simply left your life, and he was unworthy of you.

10. He doesn’t like you that much if he’s married (this also includes all the other, most incredible reasons why he can’t be with you)

If you cannot love each other freely and openly, then it is not true love. No matter how strong and sincere your feelings for another person are, if he cannot respond to them honestly and fully, that is, with mutual love, these feelings mean nothing.

44. The “But his wife is such a bitch” excuse!

No matter how unhappy his marriage was and no matter how badly his wife treated him, it was definitely not that bad, otherwise he would have left her long ago. Sincere love relationships do not deserve to be hidden. Find yourself a man who won't hide his feelings.

45. The "But he's such a good person" excuse

Please don't try to ignore this fact. He is married to another woman. I know you are not like everyone else, and in your case everything is different, but the fact remains: he is married. If in your entire life you are ready to stop at a red light only once, then this is exactly the case. It's just that the stakes are too high for everyone who plays this game.

46. The “I just have to wait” excuse

If at a certain stage in the development of a relationship there is talk of “waiting for him,” this is an alarming signal. He is not a stock in which you are going to invest money. He is a man whose heart must be open enough for him to be ready to meet you and fall madly in love with you. If someone really likes you, he will quickly solve all his problems and make a lot of efforts not to lose you.

47. Remember:

He is married.
If he doesn't belong to you entirely, then he belongs to her.
There are a lot of cool and gentle single men in the world. Try to meet one of them.
If a man screams and curses at his ex-wife or mourns his previous girlfriend, go to the movies with someone else.
He is married.
There is no need to join the ranks of those same women.
You are not so easy to forget. Let him find you himself when he is ready for a new relationship.

11. He doesn't like you that much if he acts like a selfish egoist, a braggart, or just a big jerk.

If he really loves you, he will do his best to make you happy.

48. The “But he really wants to improve” excuse

Loving people try to treat each other well and even take pleasure in showing tenderness and care to their loved ones. If your partner is very bad at this, then you end up reaping the same benefits as in the situation called “He doesn’t like you that much.”

49. The “But that’s just the way he was raised” excuse

It's not necessary for him to go crazy over your CD collection. He doesn't have to like all your shoes. But any full-fledged and prudent man simply must make an effort and love your friends and your family, especially if they are all such wonderful people.

50. The “But he will change” excuse

Temper is not a temporary problem. People who yell at others simply do not know how to control themselves and need psychiatric help. People who yell at others think they have a right to do so. Hey, beauty, do you really want to create such a family?

51. The “After all, the only thing that matters is what happens between us in private” excuse

Why be with a person who needs to humiliate you in order to feel superior? Especially in front of friends! Why should you care if he treats you better when you're alone? After all, he is just waiting to bring you into the public eye in order to humiliate you. Drop him! Go to college and write a thesis on the topic: “How to find a man whom you are not ashamed to show to your friends.”

52. The "But he's just trying to help" excuse

It is not only behavior when a man beats a woman that is called offensive. Behavior that can and should also be considered offensive is when a man yells at a woman, publicly humiliates her, or reminds her that she is too fat, thereby making her feel unattractive. It is very difficult to believe that you deserve true love when someone is trying their best to convince you that you are not worthy of anything in this life. But, as I see, all the exhortations to break up with him still have no effect on you. So first, just realize: you are too good for such a relationship. You are too good for such a relationship.

53. The “He just hasn’t found himself yet” excuse

54. The "Maybe it's one of his little quirks" excuse!

You'll likely encounter men who don't like hugging, kissing, or having sex. You will spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to deal with this and whether you caused this behavior. Or you will simply come to the conclusion that these people do not like to do what you believe is an integral part of a fulfilling life, and you will go in search of someone who shares your views.

The joke goes something like this: “Hey, Björk called, she wants her dress back.” And the insult is like this: “God, you’re so fed up!” But the most important thing is to understand what you need. You all definitely deserve better treatment!

55. One hundred percent of men surveyed said that they had never tried to humiliate or upset a woman they really liked. And this is the most important thing.

You shouldn’t complicate an already difficult life by sharing it with a person who gives you a lot of trouble.
You deserve a man who will behave with you appropriately in any situation. (Don't forget that you should treat him well too.)
There is no reason to yell at another person unless they are in mortal danger.
Assholes belong in the circus, not in your apartment.
You already have one butt, why do you need a second one?
By getting rid of useless people, you will have a lot of free time that you can spend on what gives you pleasure.
Believe in yourself. How could it be otherwise?

13. So what should you do?

56. Here you ask: “What if the next novel doesn’t happen at all?” And we will answer: “Send these terrible thoughts on a long voyage on a ship that will certainly sink, because it is destined to crash on the reefs of the Island of Sorrows. And we don't want you on this ship."

Your new requirements:

I will not date a person who does not ask me out on dates.
I will not date a person who makes me wait for hours for his call.
I will not date a person who is not sure that he wants to date me.
I will not date someone who makes me feel sexually unattractive.
I won't date someone who abuses alcohol or drugs, so this makes me uncomfortable.
I will not date a person who is afraid to make plans for the future with me.
Under no circumstances will I waste time on a person who has already rejected me once.
I will not date a married man.
I will not date a man unless he is truly a kind, sincere and gentle person.

Now it's your turn. Only you know what other demands you want to make of your future chosen one. Write them all down. And don't forget about them.

57. DICTIONARY

Friend

What this should mean is this: I would never intentionally do anything to hurt you.

Busy

This should mean this: today was my inauguration as President of the United States.
In some cases, this means: I just don't like you that much.

Bad guy

It should mean this: A guy to stay away from.
In some cases, this means: A guy to stay away from.

I am not ready

It should mean this: I can't find my pants.
In some cases, this means: I just don't like you that much.

Call me

It should mean this: I accidentally dropped my cell phone off a cliff into the ocean.
In some cases, this means: I just don't like you that much.

I don't like your family

It should mean this: I don't want to date your mother.
In some cases, this means: I just don't like you that much.

I'm afraid of intimacy

What it should mean is this: I'm really, really afraid of intimacy.
In some cases, this means: I just don't like you that much.

And you will be happy!

The post is based on the book by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo “He Just Doesn’t Like You. The whole truth about men." We recommend reading the entire book.

I come home from a wedding and think, "Why wasn't it my wedding? Am I really going to have to spend the rest of my life alone?" And then I tell myself: “I’m probably just not attractive enough.”

To encourage Sharon, I reminded her that many women feel depressed after a friend's wedding and wonder when they will become brides.

But this is how my whole life goes! - Sharon interrupted me. - I am a wedding photographer! If I'm not taking pictures at a wedding, I'm developing the damn films. - She sobbed. “I’m already thirty-eight, I’ve never been married and I’ve already lost all hope.” I look at the happy, loving newlyweds and slowly die. The more clients I have, the worse I feel.

Tears ran down her cheeks.

Can you help me? Please. I'll do whatever you say. I want one thing - for a man to love me. I'm tired of being alone.

I couldn't blame her for those tears. She really had a hard time. Of course, Sharon could not escape loneliness by throwing herself into work like many other women. Constantly encountering happy couples, she suffered terribly.

And yet I was perplexed. Looking at Sharon, I did not see any obvious reasons that could hinder her success with men. She was slightly plump, but very sexy, did not have a stunning appearance, but looked quite attractive. Sharon was prettier than millions of other women who found husbands and created happy families.

Later in our conversation, it became clear that Sharon's problem is an example of what happens when a woman chooses men who don't want her.

Defeat Tactic 3: You Choose Men Who Don't Need You

Like many single women, Sharon tended to ignore men who were interested in her and spent all her energy pursuing men who were not interested in her. Sharon's particular preferences made the situation especially sad.

“I’m only turned on by men much younger than me,” she admitted.

Sharon always thought that if she could change something about herself, she would get the man she wanted. Therefore, she pampered the young people who appeared in her life with various “delicacies” - she spoke to them in the tone of a little girl, pretending to be a helpless, unprotected creature. She did all this in order to convince her partner of her “youth.”

The young people she was attracted to felt confused in the company of a mature woman who had her own business and spoke to them in the tone of a little girl. It had not occurred to Sharon that if a man wanted a woman to treat like a child, he would choose a partner much younger, not older, than himself.

Women who try to change their personality in order to conquer a man, as a result of these efforts, end up with a man who does not like them in their natural, natural state. Each of us has qualities that we can change and qualities that we cannot change. Once you reach a certain age, your personality is already formed. With great difficulty you will be able to change your outer behavior, but not your inner essence. If you are a good person, you will remain one. Sharon had to learn to trust that the good man inside her would find a mate. Give up the habit of choosing men who do not need her, and choose those who like her. This restructuring was not easy.

When Sharon interacted with mature men, her fear of appearing unattractive disappeared, she was a normal, calm, confident person - the same as she was in her professional activities. Older people appreciated her sociability, naturalness, and sense of humor, but did not like her.

He reminds me of my father,” she said of the man who was only forty-six. - How can I take seriously a man who reminds me of my father?

Each meeting with Sharon seemed like a repetition of the previous one. She shared with me fantasies about how well the date with the new guy went.

He said he had a great time,” she reported. - Doesn't that mean he wants to see you again?

Being a sincere, straightforward person, Sharon could not understand a simple thing: if a man says he wants to see you again, you should believe it only when he calls and sets up your next date. Men sometimes say something in order to simplify the breakup, not to cause offense, or to avoid explanations.

Each attractive young man who paid Sharon almost no attention gave rise to a new fantasy in her mind. Before she even had a chance at a second meeting (or even a first), she gave free rein to her dreams.

Sharon hired an assistant to work in the photo studio - twenty-six-year-old Rick - and immediately began to fantasize about marrying him.

We get along great,” she told me. - We laugh all the time. We spend a lot of time together, but he doesn't show any initiative. I think he likes me, but he's just too shy.

When Rick started living with a twenty-two-year-old girl, Sharon became desperate.

You Belong With Me. I know it. How can he not see this?

She mourned her unrequited love for Rick for months. In the evenings she complained on the phone to everyone who agreed to listen to her. Sharon compared every next man to Rick. Of course, they all seemed boring to her or did not share, unlike Rick, her enthusiasm for the new photo studio.

Then Rick broke up with his girlfriend, and Sharon's obsession with marrying him flared up with a vengeance.

“I would make him my business partner,” she told me. - We would be happy together. Besides, we come from the same city - Baltimore. Our parents know each other. This marriage could be perfect.

Unfortunately, Sharon, who had lost her mind, was in a state where a woman is unable to distinguish between an “ideal marriage” and a coincidence of certain circumstances.

Escape from obligations

Sharon has found a foolproof way to avoid commitment. She only liked those men who prevented her from getting what she wanted from life. She only enjoyed what she could not have. As soon as an available man appeared on the horizon, she found reasons to push him away. Sharon did everything possible to ensure her defeat.

If you are one of the women who chooses exclusively those men who do not need you, it is time for you to think about the hidden motives of your behavior that are preventing you from finding a suitable partner.

In my seminars, I offer participants one exercise. I ask them to close their eyes, relax and imagine themselves at their own wedding. This visualization is similar to that used by athletes when preparing for competition. They imagine themselves racing along a treadmill and breaking the finish line. They even hear the audience applauding. We do the same thing when we imagine a wedding. “Try to see yourself getting married. Imagine that today is your wedding day,” I tell the participants.

There are always people who find this exercise difficult. They begin to giggle, fidget, or make wisecracks. I say: “Imagine yourself on your wedding day. Mentally picture the place where you are getting married. Try to hear the words of the song “Here Comes the Bride,” the rustling of the lace dress and the clicks of cameras. Try to see your dresses. Look at the guests, draw in your imagination groom."

"Men, imagine your tuxedo, boutonniere, best man, bride. Take a deep breath, smell the flowers, try to see the friends and relatives who came to the wedding. Feel the joyful excitement, imagine what is going on in your soul. Try to hear the words: “You agree take this woman as your wife? Do you agree to marry this person?" Imagine yourself exchanging rings. Look at the ring that glitters on your finger. Kiss the bride. Kiss the groom. Do you hear the wedding march? Look around your friends."

Before this exercise is completed, some people begin to laugh or cry uncontrollably. Some refuse to participate because the thought of marriage scares them.

It's easy to say, "I want to get married. I want to be loved." But if you can't see yourself getting married, walking down the aisle, saying your vows, you're probably not ready to get married.

Try this exercise yourself. Imagine yourself at your wedding. Try to see yourself in a wedding dress. Picture the bridesmaids, best man, parents, friends and priest. Feel the taste of the pie, imagine yourself throwing a bouquet. This mental exercise is the first step towards marriage.

Women like Sharon, who fantasize only about a lover and not about a lasting relationship, are among those who find it difficult to imagine themselves at their own wedding. Under my pressure, Sharon admitted that she was not sure that she really wanted to get married.

"I'm afraid," she said. - What if nothing comes of this? What if I have to get a divorce, as happens to many? What if I don't find happiness? What if the marriage turns out to be unsuccessful?

We've finally revealed the real reason why Sharon always chose the wrong men. She was afraid of a bad marriage, and this fear prevented her from getting married.

Sharon's eyes opened completely when she realized in horror that she had no one to celebrate the New Year with.

“I don’t have a boyfriend,” the woman exclaimed. - New Year is ahead, and I don’t have a friend. What is my fault?

She imposed her company on Rick and his friend Julian, who were planning to go to a New Year's concert. Afraid of being alone with Sharon, Rick bought a fourth ticket and invited his old girlfriend. Sharon started crying again.

I know Julian likes me, but he doesn't turn me on. I want Rick.

After an unsuccessful concert trip, Sharon told me:

We had a few drinks and I told Rick that all my problems would be solved if he fell in love with me.

I wanted to take that moment back and stop Sharon from saying those words.

I told him how important it was for me to have someone I could kiss on New Year's Eve.

I found it hard to believe that Sharon had once again orchestrated her own suffering. Needless to say, Rick disappeared as soon as the clock struck midnight.

I stood alone, and everyone standing around me kissed. It was terrible,” she said through tears. - It would be better if I stayed at home.

I was saddened by Rick's behavior in treating Sharon so mercilessly. She was desperate. As a colleague and friend, Rick could have kissed and hugged Sharon if only out of pity.

He knew how important it was for me, but he left me alone. How could he do this?

Poor Sharon was unable to express her outrage and tell Rick about her heartache.

What would happen if you told him how angry you were at him for leaving you on New Year's Eve? - I asked.

“I’m afraid,” she answered.

What exactly? - I asked.

Lose him? - Sharon looked at me and forced herself to smile. Even she had to admit that she couldn't lose Rick because she didn't have him.

Fear of failure

The humiliation Sharon experienced on New Year's Eve became a turning point for her. She realized that she was afraid of failure and therefore did not really try to find the right person. As a result of this, she was lonely and unhappy.

“I guess I should take the risk,” she told me.

Finally, Sharon was ready for constructive action. I made a plan for her, helped her realize the goal that she had set for herself - to get married before her fortieth birthday. She began to follow my recommendations, and she managed to meet a large number of different men. She learned to choose men who were ready for a serious relationship and who had sympathy for her. She stopped dreaming about young people who did not give her due attention.

Refusal of defeat tactics

Once Sharon changed her tactics from defeat to tactics of success, her personal life became a source of satisfaction rather than disappointment for her. In less than three months, she began dating one person regularly. After Valentine's Day she told me:

It was the best Valentine's Day of my entire life. Alan has all the qualities I look for in a man. He says the right words and behaves wonderfully. He sent me a greeting card, gave me flowers and invited me to a restaurant. I find it hard to believe that I made a fool of myself because of Rick.

During our last meeting, I learned that Sharon was going to go to Mexico with Alan. She seemed like a different person to me. She began to plan her work so that she would be free during the weekends. She and Alan were preparing to live together and go to Baltimore to visit Sharon's parents.

I made a real friend. We're going on a journey. I've never traveled with a man before. I've never been so happy.

You're probably already wondering what plan Sharon followed. Is it really that simple? No, but after years of failure, Sharon achieved success surprisingly quickly. We'll get back to her story - how she found Alan - in Chapter Eight.

Like Sharon, you can change your life by choosing men who are truly attracted to you, and not wasting your precious time on others.

The relationship between two people is work and the desire of these people to be together. But sometimes it seems that the partner has cooled down and would gladly interrupt communication. Most often, the weaker half experiences this feeling, since girls are more emotional and suspicious. Then they begin to be tormented by the question: how to understand that a man does not need you? After all, few people want to be a burden.

Take your time, maybe he needs you

If doubts creep into your head, do not succumb to them and momentary emotions, do not get carried away. It often happens that you think so. Perhaps, somewhere in the subconscious you are afraid of being unnecessary and are looking for something that is not really there, thereby provoking problems:

Unfounded suspicions strain the situation.
Irritability on your part pushes your partner away.
Uncertainty spoils the mood, and you ruin it for those around you.

So just take your time. Yes, you notice that tension has arisen between you: you see each other less often or he is not as affectionate and attentive as he was before. But no one is stopping you from talking. Tell us what's bothering you. You'll see, most likely, your doubts are in vain.

A casual conversation is the best way to solve any problems and anticipate them.

How to understand that a guy is tired of you?

It happens that it is not possible to ask like this in person, observe: something in his behavior will dispel your guesses or, on the contrary, confirm:

Insincerity. Compliments pour in as before, and even more often, but it all looks like a performance.
He comes and calls, but only when necessary.
He reacts rudely if you refuse him intimacy today because you feel unwell.
Can't give clear answers to your questions. A caring partner will sense your anxiety and take steps to calm your anxiety - and explain everything. If he doesn’t care, of course, it’s easier to brush it off with a simple phrase.

The main thing is to control yourself and do not make scenes or interrogate with bias. Crises always happen in relationships. The couple either survives them or breaks up. Give it time to put everything in its place.

In this video, psychologist Maria Rozova will talk about ten signs that a guy needs you and give some advice:

How can you tell if your husband is tired of you?

A husband and wife who are constantly nearby sometimes get a little tired of each other. This does not mean: “It’s all over, he’s no longer interested in me.” This is a signal that you need to take a little break and change the situation.

Yes, some couples live together in perfect harmony all their lives. But not everyone can do this. Therefore, know how to sense this moment in time and, in order not to push it to the extreme, behave correctly.

Here are some signs:

The husband became irritable. Literally everything makes him angry, but with other people he is friendly and sociable.
Stopped taking care of children. Their smile no longer touches him, and he always gives a negative answer to offers to go for a walk or play football.
Doesn't introduce him to his friends. Prefers to visit company alone.
He stopped taking care of himself: he only shaves before work, he doesn’t try to look neat around you.
He may cancel your plans at the last minute, or leave you in the middle of the street while running away at the call of a neighbor to help move the sofa.

Such behavior will not leave you indifferent and will arouse suspicion. This is probably the very moment that comes in the life of any couple together. Now everything depends on you, because it is unusual for husbands to be imbued with such things. They already have many problems: work, car, dacha.

Changing the situation

Take the initiative and don't despair. Start quietly restructuring your life:

If lately you have often asked him where he went and when he will come. Stop doing that: “Bye, have a nice day!” Over time, he himself will be surprised why you call less often and are not interested in him. When he is alarmed by this fact, explain everything as it is;
What if, on the contrary, you are too unkind to him, and he decides that he is not interested in you. And it’s not uncommon when people don’t hear each other. He thinks that you have lost interest in him, but you are the opposite. Because of such simple things, many couples have already broken up. Take note of this;
Make him a little jealous. But here you have to be very careful, many guys leave in such a situation. It's not that he doesn't care about you. And the fact is that if it’s better for you, then he only wants happiness.

It’s easy to give advice, but more difficult to implement. But now everything is in your hands: depending on how wise your actions are, the future of the family depends.

How to understand that a man needs you?

And in addition to everything, I would like to say that it is better to pay attention not to how he runs away from you, but to how he shows how dear you are to him. We need to look at the situation from all sides.

He maintains a great relationship with your parents. This is very important, since usually young people are little keen on family gatherings with their mothers, and even more so with potential or actual mothers-in-law;
He takes into account your opinion. Listens and listens to him. Yes, maybe he’s inattentive somewhere, but he’s trying. It's always visible;
A man who respects and values his woman will never allow himself to humiliate or insult her. Whatever it was.

Don't try to see the flaws. This won't make it any easier. Try to see a hint that everything is fine.

The stronger sex differs from girls in its psychology. Very often they do not give their words and actions the meaning that women understand.

Here are some tips to help you figure out what's going on:

Do not demand an immediate explanation for what was said or done. This will cause a storm of emotions.
When in doubt, don't blame him for it. Your statements will be annoying.
Be less offended and especially don’t say: “No, no, everything is fine!” If something is bothering you, tell me personally. Such misunderstandings accumulate and then result in trouble. The guys are straightforward and that's what they expect from you.
It is also unusual for them to be so excited about some events or your new dresses. They are a more silent and reserved people by nature. They don't have the same set of emotions that girls have.

In general, try to look less for tricks. Talk about your worries. With guys, everything is strict, like in mathematics, if you don’t invent it yourself and don’t screw it up.

So, let’s summarize: you shouldn’t torment yourself with thoughts of how to understand that a man doesn’t need you? It’s better not to think about it again. Trust him to come forward and say it directly when such a problem arises, and not beat around the bush.

Video: if your loved one doesn’t need you...

In this video, professional psychologist and expert in family relationships Sergei Klyuchnikov will tell you what signs you can use to accurately determine whether a man needs you:

Men really don't like obsessive girls. What women call “he got laid and left”, men interpret it as “a light affair that does not lead to a serious relationship.”

And if a girl also gives herself some illusions after a short-term romance, then she becomes simply unbearable for the guy.

To understand that a man didn’t need you, you need to carefully analyze everything you’ve lived with him: dates, feelings, words spoken, etc. Ready for analysis?

What a pity for those women, desperate singles who know nothing at all about true love. Where does it come from, how does a man in love experience it, how sensually the dates go.

For such a woman, love is any manifestation of attention:

The guy gives compliments. They are taken at face value, and not just as a mood booster for a woman. If for other girls these will be just beautiful words, then for a desperate loner it will be a declaration of love.

The guy knows how to make friends. And with everyone. He will find words of support for a friend, agree with a colleague that the boss is a goat, and feel sorry for the abandoned woman. And if he says a couple of warm phrases to such a loner tete-a-tete, she will not only perk up, but will consider that they are already “raking up the oars” to her

The guy hugged or kissed on the cheek. Still the same gesture of friendship. The French generally kiss at every meeting, regardless of the gender of the person being greeted. But for a single person this is already serious.

Yes, it reminds me of a kindergarten. But there really are a lot of naive girls. She herself is in love and has invented a non-existent romance for herself. She will be jealous of any compliments and words of support not addressed to her.

She will torment you with calls, messages and demands, and will loom before your eyes. And in the end, she will destroy her friendship with a good guy because she will overwhelm him with her illusions. But he didn’t need her in the first place!

This is another one of those female illusions where girls believe that sex is an important step towards a serious relationship. In principle, sex on the first or second date is no longer considered something shameful, but this does not give girls the right to think that “now he should marry me.”

But to those extravagant young ladies who think so, I want to say: “Did he promise to marry you? Well, you never know what he promised you!” In a moment of pleasure, you can say a lot. You don’t have to be so naive as to believe every word at such moments.

Perhaps there could be a continuation if the girl used her feminine charms, according to the principle “stay there - come here!”, so that the man would lose his head from falling in love. But more often than not, it’s just “he fucked up and left” if the lady starts to get impudent.

If you fall for the bait of such a guy, relax, this is not the hero of your novel, and he doesn’t love you. If after stormy nights the relationship no longer sticks, then glue will not help, take nails and hammer on this romance. By the way, in this case, it’s your own fault for “giving it to him” so quickly.

One can only feel sorry for the man whom the woman is hunting. This is not just a sexual maniac - the lady’s plans can be too insidious and sophisticated and are not even close to rosy illusions.

If she can’t charm him so easily, she will do anything:

Make a deal with the devil. Or rather, he will turn to all the warlock grandmothers in order to dry up the man and “rot” his beloved girl.

He will do all kinds of setups. And she doesn’t care even if he is married to another woman. Some types of such setups are described in the article.

There will be a lot of it everywhere. She will appear at his work, at home, on the man’s phone and on the Internet.

There are also many such sick women. But they don’t realize that all these eccentricities only repel the man even more. And he still won’t need her, even if she goes around all the warlocks in the world - it won’t work. By the way, this is also a judicial matter.

This is not just a girl for a couple of nights, this is a long and boring relationship with a man who has been married for a long time. And it’s not that a mistress is not needed at all, but it’s just convenient with her: relax and have sex.

But if he puts his mistress and wife on the scale, he will choose his wife without hesitation. And you can understand how little he values his mistress by his behavior:

He's not going to get a divorce. To do this, he finds all sorts of excuses: his wife is sick, his children are still small, he runs a business, and so on.

He does not introduce her to his circle of friends. And in general, he carefully hides everything that concerns his personal life.

He is not generous with gifts. It seems that he is not a miser or a poor person, but he limits himself to a bouquet of flowers and a box of chocolates before the holidays.

Weekends and holidays are not for a mistress. Only family can have fun with him. And the mistress is sad alone at the window.

He's always afraid of something on dates. Shorokhov, phone calls, random acquaintances on the street. By the way, he is reluctant to go out into the street or into crowded places with his mistress.

Communication is kept to a minimum. And only when he wants it. He strictly forbids his mistress to call herself, no matter what happens.

He will easily betray his mistress if it saves his personal life and career. And he won't blink an eye.

The man suddenly became a stranger after a whirlwind romance. Quarrels became so frequent that the lover suddenly began to hide, did not answer phone calls, crossed him off from his list of friends on social networks, and then even angrily sent him three letters.

He does not hide the fact that he has fallen out of love. And he openly says: “I don’t need you anymore, leave me alone!” Is it possible to “cool down” from a hot relationship so quickly? Yes, and the reasons for this are:

You got him. With his bad character and stupid behavior. He warned you about this more than once, but you ignored it. That's why he became indifferent to you.

He found a replacement for you. Fell in love with someone else who seems better to him than you. And he no longer has any feelings for you.

He took advantage of you. Like a gigolo. You had connections, money, opportunities. The resource has been exhausted, and he has cut you out of his life.

It is incredibly difficult or impossible to return everything back - no chains will force a man to stay close. Well, that's life, you have to find someone who will love you no matter what.

You started from the wrong place

Finally - an unusual technique

Let's do a thought experiment.

Imagine that you have the superpower to “read” men. It’s like Sherlock Holmes: you look at a man and you immediately know everything about him and understand what’s on his mind. You would hardly be reading this article now in search of a solution to your problem - you would not have any problems in your relationship at all.

And who said that this is impossible? Of course, you can’t read other people’s thoughts, but otherwise there is no magic here - only psychology.

We advise you to pay attention to the master class from Nadezhda Mayer. She is a candidate of psychological sciences, and her technique has helped many girls feel loved and receive gifts, attention and care.

If interested, you can sign up for a free webinar. We asked Nadezhda to reserve 100 seats specifically for visitors to our site.