How to praise and encourage a child for good behavior: recommendations from a psychologist with examples. Reward system for a child, or how parents get the right behavior from a child Motivation board for children

N.V. Fedina, S.P. Maksomov

One of the forms of joint activity of adults and children that involves cooperation under the “Success” Program is “Success. Calendar”, the organizational and pedagogical basis of which is an exemplary calendar of holidays, interesting events. You can look forward to them, you can prepare for them, you can emotionally experience them together with your family, peers, educators. The themes of these holidays are understandable to children and cause them a positive attitude, which is necessary for the emergence of motivation in the educational process.

Educational activity is a technology for the implementation of the "Success" Program, or a description of the means (forms, methods, methods and techniques) for solving the problems of psychological and pedagogical work and achieving the planned results of mastering the "Success" Program in accordance with the approximate calendar of holidays.

Work with "Success. Calendar” is one of the forms of cooperation between adults and children in joint activities. It stimulates the development of children's imagination and creativity, develops the ability to compare, classify objects and phenomena, contributes to the development of spatial and temporal orientations, and also helps children acquire primary ideas about Russian and international holidays.

"Success. Calendar” is supplemented with a large number of bright illustrations, which contributes to the development of cognitive interest among the children.

The organizational basis for the implementation of the complex-thematic principle is an approximate calendar of holidays, the topics of which are focused on all areas of development of a preschool child and are devoted to various aspects of human existence:

Phenomena of the moral life of the child (Days of "thank you", kindness, friends, etc.);

the environment (water, land, birds, animals, etc.);

· the world of art and literature (Days of poetry, children's books, theater, etc.);

· traditional for the family, society and the state celebratory events (New Year, Spring and Labor Day, Mother's Day, etc.);

the most important professions (educator, doctor, postman, builder, etc.);

events that form a sense of citizenship of the child (Day of the State Flag, Day of Russia, Defender of the Fatherland Day, etc.).

"Success. Calendar” invites children to a sightseeing tour of the Russian and international calendar of holidays.

You will look into the history of the holiday, learn how this holiday is celebrated and understood in our country and in other countries of the world, you will learn a lot of new and interesting things about your country and other countries, about the Earth on which we live, introduce children to popular expressions, proverbs and sayings. Journey with Success. Calendar" will be exciting and useful if all its participants (teachers, parents, children) contribute to the knowledge of the big world called "Planet of People" (find the right book, find the necessary information on the Internet, make, blind, etc. .).

When working with "Success. Calendar" is necessary consider the following:

The number of holidays is independently determined by teachers implementing the Success Program, depending on the age and contingent of children, the conditions and specifics of the educational process, and can be either reduced or increased (supplemented with other international and Russian holidays or events);

· these holidays can be replaced by other socially and personally significant for the participants of the educational process international and Russian holidays or events;

· a brief information note about each holiday is addressed to teachers implementing the "Success" Program and parents of preschool children;

· the recommended time of the holiday does not always coincide with the official date of the celebration; in order to optimize the organization of the educational process, it is distributed over the weeks of the month; the actual date of the holiday is independently determined by the teachers implementing the Program;

The period of preparation for each holiday is determined by the teachers implementing the Success Program, in accordance with the age and contingent of children, the conditions and specifics of the educational process, the intermediate results of mastering the Success Program, the theme of the holiday;

The age of the children involved in the preparation and holding of the holidays, the forms of the holiday, the forms of work in preparation for the holiday are advisory in nature;

the forms of preparation for the holidays and their holding are concretization and addition of the forms of work presented in the section "Organization of the activities of teachers and children in the implementation and development of the "Success" Program", are integrative in nature, i.e., they allow solving the problems of psychological and pedagogical work of several educational areas;

Forms of work in preparation for the holiday of children 3-5 years old can also be used in preparation for the holiday of children 5-7 years old (for example, reading, talking, learning poems on the topic, etc.);

· preparation for the holidays is a description of the means of solving the problems of psychological and pedagogical work and achieving the planned results of the development of the "Success" Program.

"Success. Calendar» consists of 12 sheets of the calendar, tokens depicting symbols of the holidays (on a magnetic basis) and methodological recommendations. The days of the month on the poster sheets of the Calendar are presented in the form of a familiar calendar grid, but as a game path, the movement along which symbolizes the passage of time, “children living the days, weeks, months of the year.

Each poster sheet of the Calendar shows the main features not only of the corresponding season, but also of each month in the following directions: "The world of inanimate nature." "World of Plants", "World of Animals", "World of People". The days of the week are depicted by different geometric shapes (circle, triangle, rectangle, square, oval, polygon, rhombus).

"Success. Calendar" performs the following features:

A daily organizational moment that helps prepare children for the perception of educational material and a positive attitude towards it;

With the help of specific techniques and methods to solve the problems of psychological and pedagogical work based on the principle of integration of educational areas and the complex-thematic principle of building the educational process.

The daily use of the calendar contributes to the solution of the problems of psychological and pedagogical work:

1. Develops a motivational-required sphere (forms a positive motivation for educational activities carried out on the basis of a complex thematic principle, taking into account the international and Russian holiday calendars).

2. Develops mental processes: attention, perception, memory, thinking, imagination.

3. Develops creative abilities (contributes to the manifestation of creative and creative activity of children, including in the process of interactive work with the Calendar).

Algorithm of actions of an adult and children “Success. Calendar"
Stages	Sequence of activities
Stage 1	Introduction of the calendar - poster.
Stage 2	Intellectual game "Why do we need a calendar?"
Stage 3	Introduction of a calendar-poster into the subject-developing environment of the group.
Stage 4	Initial review of the poster calendar.
Stage 5	Examination of chips with the image of symbols - holidays.
stage 6	Finding the image of the upcoming holiday on the poster.
Stage 7	Finding signs of animate and inanimate nature on the poster.
Stage 8	Performing game exercises, tasks aimed at understanding children of events, holidays, natural phenomena depicted on the poster.
Stage 9	Simulation of situations on "game tracks of time".
10 stage	Comparison of posters among themselves.

1. Game - inference "Why do we need a calendar?" (children are given a brief bibliographic reference from the history of the origin of the calendar).

2. Introduction of a calendar-poster (Together with the children, we find a convenient place for it in the interior of the group. At the same time, we take into account the requirements: lighting; a wide view for viewing; a convenient approach for setting up, moving chips along the “time playing tracks”, for finishing the necessary details).

3. Initial examination of the calendar - poster:

“What a wonderful track? Not a path, not a highway. She's all twisted like a snake. It consists of ... the children agree: "of geometric shapes." Did. exercise “Name it, don’t make a mistake” (children list geometric shapes on the “game track of time”). How many pieces are yellow? How many orange ones? Why? We bring the children to the idea that the yellow figures are “weekdays”, and the orange ones are “weekends”.

"Look carefully - name the time of year." Fixing the signs of the season depicted on the calendar-poster.

· "Fixing the concept of the beginning and end of the month" At the beginning of the month - put a green chip. Together with the children, we count the number of days in a month - we put a red chip.

We go on a trip - choose the mode of transport that suits the season: “I would like to go on ... because ...”

4. Examination of chips with the image of symbols - holidays. Together with the children, the teacher selects symbols related to the holidays in a particular month. A short conversation with the children about the upcoming holiday. Establishing chips with a holiday symbol on a specific day of the month.

5. We find the image of the upcoming holiday on the poster. “Who guessed what holiday we are talking about?”

6. Did. exercise "Count" (How many days are left before the holiday).

7. Insertion of a chip - pacifiers "Hurrah! Today is my birthday!”

8. Simulation of obstacles and dangers that may be encountered on the way, inventing various funny situations. Drawing or pasting the corresponding image.

9. Comparison of posters among themselves. Finding similarities and differences. Did. exercise "What was, what will be?"

10. Supplementing the calendar-poster with the results of our own observations “Today we observed what we saw (surprised) - then sketched!”

11. "Revitalization of the calendar" (drawing, coloring, tracing, application in various techniques, etc.)

12. The embodiment of the child's own ideas related to the content of the calendar, in singing and dancing, in drawings, buildings, stories, movements and other types of creative activity.

Parents influence their child through rewards and punishments. Thus, they show their attitude to the actions that the baby has committed. Encouraging children is a fairly effective method of education, as a result of which the child has an incentive to behave well. If he did a good deed, do not forget to praise him. However, it is necessary to resort to encouragement in moderation, otherwise its excess can have a detrimental effect on the formation of a child as a person. Why encourage and how to praise a child?

Did the child do something good? So it needs to be encouraged. But how to do it right?

Praise and Punishment

On the advice of psychologists, it is often not worth praising a child, otherwise it can lead to the development of negative character traits, the baby can become capricious, selfish and infantile. There are mothers and fathers for whom encouragement and material reward are similar concepts. They seek to get children's obedience with the help of money. Rewarding has a strong influence on behavior and promotes the rapid acquisition of good skills by the baby. However, not all rewards will be beneficial, and not all punishments will be harmful.

In education, methods are not divided into good and bad, but are appropriate and inappropriate. There are two types of reward and punishment: material and psychological. Currently, preference is given to the material form of encouragement and punishment, i.e. "I will buy a toy - I will not buy a toy."

This is common both in the family and at school. Psychological methods are rarely used. They are characterized by the interaction and relationship of people who are characterized by the manifestation of approval (attention to the baby, empathy for him, support, faith, etc.) and punishment (grief, resentment, indifference, anger, in some cases anger). When applying psychological techniques, you will need to spend much more mental strength, as well as resort to acting. As A. S. Makarenko wrote, in order to become a teacher, you must be able to say the phrase “Come here” with 20 different intonations in your voice. If you use only material methods of encouragement and punishment, a person will grow up dependent, with low self-control, acting according to the situation: "Punish - not punish." For a person brought up on psychological methods of influence, conscience will be the main factor controlling behavior.

The psychological method of punishment is the most difficult, because thanks to it the child must understand that he has committed a misdemeanor. And parents in this case need acting skills

From this we can conclude that praise can be both useful and harmful in the process of education. In order to avoid many mistakes, you need to learn some simple rules, thanks to which you will learn how to properly apply encouragement methods.

How can you encourage a child?

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This article talks about typical ways to solve your questions, but each case is unique! If you want to know how to solve your particular problem - ask your question. It's fast and free!
There are many effective crumb approval methods for different situations. How to encourage a child in a family? Psychologists recommend the following forms of encouragement:
Usual praise. This is the best-known and widely used method in which influence is exerted through words. This means that if the baby behaved well, parents need to support him, praise him, approve his actions. Praise is comparable to the effect of a drug, since a child who is used to being praised will constantly feel the need for it. Too much praise can be harmful. The following restrictions must be observed:
do not praise the baby for his own achievements (for example, for beauty, health, intelligence, strength, etc.);
reward for one specific achievement only once;
do not praise the child out of pity;
do not encourage to please.

Weasel. This is also a fairly effective method, which is characterized by kisses, hugs, gentle stroking on the back and head. Sometimes they are more powerful than simple words. These measures are usually used in the upbringing of young children.
Joint games and entertainment. This is a rather interesting method, which is usually resorted to if they want to get the baby to do something. For example, "we will go for a walk if you clean the room."
Removal of restrictions. When older children do good deeds, help adults, as a reward, you can expand their rights or remove prohibitions on certain actions. For example, if your child gets excellent grades at school, he can be allowed to go to bed an hour later.
Receiving a reward. Different toys, sweets or other rewards can help get children to do the right things. The disadvantage of this method is that often children begin to demand such rewards for every perfect deed.

Rewards such as money or candy can spoil a child. In the future, he will not want to do his duties just like that. And sweets in large quantities are generally harmful.
To achieve greater results, you need to apply different forms of incentives. In this case, it is necessary to take into account the age of the baby and his psychological characteristics.
Parental Mistakes When Encouraging Children
It has already been said before that too much use of praise can negatively affect both the child and your relationship with him. Make sure you avoid the following mistakes when communicating with your baby:
It happens that because of the desire to leave a pleasant impression or to receive a reward, children are distinguished by good behavior only in the presence of other people. Most often, this is a consequence of excessive praise from parents or grandmothers: “You are the most beautiful in the world!”.
It happens that some children begin to manipulate adults. This happens through the fault of parents due to the frequent "bribery" of kids with various rewards for each perfect act. For example, when a child gave his toy to his brother or sister to play with, parents rush to reward him by buying him a new one.
Parents make a mistake when they praise their child and belittle the dignity of other children. For example: "You drew a car much better than Vanya." You should not do this, it will be more correct if you tell the baby that with each achievement he is becoming smarter and more experienced.

It is necessary to praise the child only for his actions, while it cannot be compared with other children. Even if the kid did not succeed very well, but he tried very hard, find a small reason to praise, maybe this time he wrote the exercise (albeit with errors), but in a more even handwriting?
How to reward a child for good behavior?
Encouragements must be correctly applied, and look sincere, otherwise the baby may not understand them correctly. How should a child be praised? Here are some tips to keep in mind when raising children:
Each praise the baby must deserve fairly. There is no need to praise him for the usual actions characteristic of his age: the kid put on a sweater or tied his shoes not for the first time. On the contrary, it is necessary to note his significant achievements: the baby brought a bag to his mother or beautifully drew a picture.
It will be better if you praise not the child himself, but his right deed. For example, if the baby has removed the toys in the room, you don’t need to say to him: “What a good girl you are.” Here it is preferable to say: “After you cleaned the room is much cleaner. It's so nice to be in it." A general phrase will also not work, for example: "What a beautiful drawing." Better focus on the details that you liked the most: beautiful flowers, funny teddy bears, etc.
Most often, children do not need praise or reward, it is more important for them to achieve satisfaction from the work done. In this case, parents need to express the feelings of the baby and support him in the pursuit of improvement. “I'm so glad you were able to learn to ride a bike. And you are very pleased. Now we can try to ride together.”

Surely, each family creates its own individual rules of encouragement and praise. It is important to remember that they contribute to strong relationships between family members and do not interfere with the upbringing of the child.
reward board
In the store now you can find an interesting set in the form of a board with cells and stars in the kit. There you need to enter the name of the baby and the duties that he must perform (make the bed, wash the dishes, clean the room, etc.). For each completed task, it is necessary to glue one star and as a result of the work performed, the child should receive some kind of reward (negotiated in advance).

Some parents organize a to-do list for the child. If all items are completed at the end of the week (day, month), the child will be rewarded
This method is characterized by the following features:
The method is well suited for children aged 3-10 years, but do not forget to take into account the individual characteristics of the child.
Do not write more than 5 points on the board.
In each paragraph, write down a specific action! Do not write: "behave well." Write specifically: “go to kindergarten”, “go to bed in your crib”, “put away toys”.
The method must have a positive motivation. If you stick a sticker, you can no longer take it away.
Thanks to this method, the baby will not only have motivation, but also the opportunity to learn how to count and learn the days of the week.
For fulfilling the duty at the end of each day, the child should receive his reward - an asterisk.
At the end of the week, come up with an extra reward, like a walk in the park, a favorite cake, or something else. Emotions are much better than material things. If this is not possible, you can buy a Kinder.
Such a board, for children over five years old, can turn into a family board. This game will help build relationships with children 7 years and older. For example, it will be interesting for a baby to watch dad's reading or mom's cooking (these items are not particularly significant), but for a child this is of great psychological importance. The prize, respectively, must also be a family one.
It is better to engage in such a game 5 days a week, and on the weekends, treat the baby a little and still present a reward.

Is it possible to encourage a child with money?

Rewarding money, for example, for studies can harm the child. He will try to get more marks, but the quality of study in difficult subjects may decrease
As for the monetary method, there is an ambiguous opinion. Supporters of this method say that if you pay a child a small amount every week for good grades or for another act, then this encourages him to discipline. Opponents, on the contrary, believe that the receipt of money by the baby for everyday activities leads to the fact that he evaluates only the external result.
Some psychologists doubt the usefulness of monetary rewards. According to experts, children should do homework just like that. If you want to teach your kid how to manage finances, it is better to wait until he grows up a little. A student in the lower grades can already be given some pocket money.
If the cash reward method does not work for you, parents with more experience are advised to replace it with an alternative method. For example, instead of coins, you can give out colored beads, beautiful buttons. You can develop your own payment system with the baby, where, for example, washed dishes will be equal to two buttons.
In order for the crumbs to have a desire to continue moving, in a week he must receive a very worthwhile reward. The reward can be a joint visit to the cinema, circus or children's entertainment center.
Why, for what and how to praise a child? In any case, the choice always remains only with the parents. When choosing, do not forget to take into account the individual qualities of your child. Whatever method you choose, do not get carried away with excessive praise and reward, otherwise it may turn into parental responsibility.

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7 year old child encouragement table

Punishments and rewards

Rewards and punishments are not a carrot and a stick. These are two complex educational technologies that every parent must master perfectly. But there are quite a few such competent parents. According to the rules of encouragement and punishment, more than one method has been written, and it would be nice for mom and dad to get acquainted with such methods.

The first thing to know is that all rewards and punishments must meet several principles:

1) It should serve as an external stimulus for the internal activity of the child.

2) They must be significant, affecting the interests of the child.

3) They must be fair.

4) Must take into account all age characteristics, the nature of the relationship of the child in the team, relations with the teacher or educator.

5) It is mandatory to conduct an analysis of the situation and the reasons

Punishments

There are four questions that must be answered in order to punish correctly. These are the questions “Who?”, “For what?”, “When?” And How?". Perhaps some of these questions will seem ridiculous - they say, and so it is clear why, whom and how. In fact, very often adults do not answer them clearly enough, and the punishment is not only ineffective, but also aggravates the situation.

So, first of all, the question "Who?". It is clear that the child! But even children are different. Everything must be taken into account: the physical condition of the child, developmental features, features of thinking and perception. Punishment cannot be universal for all children - each needs a special approach.

The second question is “For what?”. Imagine the situation: a child was playing ball and broke a window. Parents yell at him and begin to remember that he is a fool, studies poorly, does not want to wash dishes, and in general, in all respects, a useless son, and they punish him not so much for breaking a window, but for the fact that they do not like his behavior in in general. This is a huge pedagogical error. You can punish a child for a specific offense. Forget everything that happened before and do not drag it into this case, otherwise the baby simply will not understand what he is specifically to blame for, and will simply be angry with you.

Besides, are you sure that the child really deserves any kind of punishment? Or is it just the influence of momentary emotions?

The question "When?" - this is a question of the statute of limitations, which, in general, follows from the previous one. It is pointless to remind a child of old misdeeds - he no longer feels guilty, he no longer remembers that he did something wrong. This is ineffective and will greatly damage your relationship.

The last question is "How?". The punishment must be proportionate to the offense. You can not lock the child at home for a week for unwashed dishes. But one cannot limit oneself to too light punishment for a serious offense, or even not to punish for it at all.

In general, in pedagogy there are 7 basic rules for any punishment:

1) Punishment should not be harmful to the health of the child.

2) If you are in doubt whether to punish or not, then do not punish.

3) There can be only one punishment for one misdemeanour.

4) Every punishment has a statute of limitations.

5) If the child is punished, then he is forgiven.

6) The child must not be humiliated.

7) The child should not be afraid of punishment, but should be afraid of chagrin.

There are cases in which it is impossible to punish a child at all - when he is sick, when he eats, immediately after sleep, before going to bed, when he plays. You can’t punish after a physical or mental injury, if something doesn’t work out for a child, if you don’t understand the inner motives of his act, and if you yourself are not yourself.

And remember that physical punishment is an acknowledgment of your own inadequacy as an educator.

Incentives

When you want to reward a child for something, then be guided by the same four questions. But besides them, there are many nuances of proper boasting.

First, you need to consider the type of child. In relation to praise, there are three types of children:

“Omega” or “supposedly defective” are children who, in their opinion and the opinion of the surrounding children, have some kind of disadvantage, although this assessment is not entirely objective. For example, these are children who wear glasses or children who are overweight. Such children need to be praised more often so that they do not form complexes.

"Alpha" or "super-full" are talented and smart children. They need to be praised for their already perfect achievements, but not for future ones, otherwise they can easily become conceited and their desire for excellence will disappear.

"Tata" or "hypersensitive" - these children have heightened sensitivity to grades. They take criticism hard, and they need praise and encouragement, perhaps, most of all.

Be sure to praise and encourage the child not only for achievements, but also after losses, failures, unhappy love ... And just like that.

There are also several types of rewards and praise:

Compensation - when praised for what is.
Advance payment - when they praise for what will be. A rather dangerous kind of encouragement, in some cases it can spur the child to achieve the goal, and in some cases it can discourage the desire to do something.
Indirect approval is the ability to praise without praising. This includes, for example, equality of rights with the child. Sometimes such encouragement works better than any material.
An explosion of love is praise for something that will never be. It is used only in the most extreme cases, for example, if a child threatens suicide.

Learn to scold and praise correctly, and also love your child. These are the pillars on which a good upbringing rests.

www.prodetey.ru

How to encourage a child? Most psychologists say that often parents do it wrong. Therefore, the baby can grow up to be a capricious egoist. Let's figure it out together using common methods.

Praise

Psychologists recommend not to praise the child himself, approving only deeds or actions. But let's put ourselves in the place of the offspring. Imagine the situation: in an effort to please the parents, the baby cleaned the room or washed the dishes.

What will the child feel if you do not praise him? That's right, bitterness and resentment. After all, the room or dishes did not become clean by magic. Has anyone put in the effort to do this? He himself! And he didn't get the award he deserved.

Therefore, we leave the psychologists themselves to delve into their recommendations, and from the bottom of our hearts we praise our offspring for every positive action.

Important! The child cannot be overestimated. He will be glad for any kind words from his parents. Especially if you deserve it.

how to punish a child

weasel

Such simple actions as pats on the head or back, kisses and hugs can work wonders in the process of parenting. Just do not overdo it with such encouragement, otherwise, after each positive action, the child will run to you for a reward.

By the way, do not forget to add praise to affection. This is necessary so that the child understands what he is being encouraged for.

After a little thought, another question arises: what to do with teenagers? Children of this age often have a very negative attitude towards “calf tenderness”. How to be?

It turns out there is a way out. Sadly, many teenagers spend most of their time on the Internet. And there they have a very popular meme called hugs. Use it with your child. He does not require stroking or kissing, and in general is quite comical.

But, if instead of affection, you say to the offspring: “Yes, you are a good fellow, go hug!”, Then believe me, the effect will be amazing. The child will feel his need, and will be proud that his parents are on the same wavelength with them.

Advice. Dig around the internet and learn a few words from teenage slang. This will be of great help to you in communicating with your child. Just do not use such phrases publicly or in public. Children are ashamed of such parents. But tete-a-tete - always, more often and to the point.

Removal of bans

Of course, within reason. The expansion of rights should not become permissiveness. This is no longer encouragement, but unbridledness. How to do it right?

For example, for some positive act (help with household chores, the right solution to a problem, doing homework), you can allow the child to go to bed a little later than usual. But only here and now, that is, today, and not every day.

It is recommended that a kid 2-4 years old be allowed to watch more cartoons. A child of 5-7 years old can be allowed to buy something in the store on their own, without the help of adults. A teenager - to come home from a walk a little later than expected. But don't forget the golden rule: rewards are good only when they are one-time! It is not necessary to introduce the lifting of bans on a permanent basis.

Advice. Before encouraging a child in this way, study his habits and desires. Unfortunately, many parents are practically unaware of their own child.

how to raise children

Joint pastime

No matter how sad it sounds, but the modern rhythm of life does not allow parents to spend a lot of time with their child. And sometimes it gets even worse: dad in "tanks", mom in social networks, the child plays with himself.

Use joint games and activities as a reward. Just not teaching! It should be just games, reading books, watching cartoons.

For older children, the right encouragement would be a walk in the park, on the playground, roller skating with their parents.

A joint trip to the cinema, zoo, and rides is suitable for teenagers. Turn on your imagination, ask your offspring what he would like to do with you.

Financial reward

Modern parents use this type of encouragement most often. Instead of pocket money, the child is given a certain amount of money for positive actions or deeds. For example, for cleaning the house or a good study.

Here, psychologists are especially actively pounding their heels in the chest, proving that it is impossible to do this! But let's face it: without money now, nowhere and nowhere. Especially if the parents of friends or classmates just give their children money for no reason. Do you need your child's envy towards others? No? So, we keep up with the times, and encourage the offspring financially.

But there are some important nuances that should be observed when using the monetary equivalent of praise:

The amount must be proportionate to the deed. You can’t give 500 rubles for washing dishes, and 50 for cleaning a room.
Parents should forget about this money. The child has every right to use them at his own discretion. You can’t say, for example: “These are for your new shoes.”
Set a limit. For example, for the top five 10 rubles, but not more than 100 rubles a week. Otherwise, the child torments teachers with the desire to answer at the blackboard. Or even take a teacher to share.

Otherwise, if you pay a child for any little thing (putting on pantyhose or sweeping the floor), then you can achieve the exact opposite effect. The child will demand legal monetary reward constantly and in increasing amounts.

Advice. That's just not necessary now about the value of study and the baggage of knowledge. The current reality will not allow you to be fed and clothed, relying only on knowledge. And in stores for study they do not sell food. Just approach financial incentives with caution and careful thought. But don't rule it out completely.

how to raise a real man from a boy

Present

The principle of operation of such an incentive is similar to that described in the previous paragraph. The only difference is that money is being replaced by sweets, toys, gadgets, clothes. The notorious psychologists almost unanimously argue that it is impossible to do this. I dare to argue.

It is not the purchase itself or the desired item that is important to the child. Who hasn't experienced a situation where a reward toy was forgotten 10 minutes after purchase? The kid needs exactly the parental approval of the act done. Even if it is a box of juice or a pack of felt-tip pens.

I will give an example from my own life. My son was bought a lollipop at the age of 4. Just like that, for no reason. Waving a candy during a walk, he dropped it and did not even notice. A couple of days later, exactly the same lollipop was bought as a reward for dusting his desk. And in the same way, the candy flew safely to the ground during a walk. Oh, what a grief! Tears flowed such that any crocodile would die of envy. “Mommy, well, I deserve it! I cleaned, I tried so hard!”

Naturally, the snot and tears were wiped away, and the third lollipop was solemnly handed over to the saddened child. And you say - do not encourage the child with gifts.

Don't give incentives up front. A child already at the age of six months is perfectly able to manipulate adults. Therefore, never praise or reward the baby in advance. The offspring should have an incentive, not a desire to get his own at any cost.

Do not make competitions between children for encouragement. For example, if one is a good student and the other is not as successful, then remove the award for excellent grades from the child's life. From the word at all. The spirit of competition should be healthy, not hurtful. Remember this. Or reward both children regardless of the results so as not to sow enmity between them. True, then it can not be called encouragement.

There is an interesting detail in the financial form of the award. In addition to rewards, there should be penalties. For good grades - we pay, for bad - we subtract. It is very convenient to count in a special table. The child will learn to count his pocket money, at the same time keep records. This skill will come in handy in adulthood.

Now you know how to encourage a child. Do not skimp on praise, then your child will become a normal person with a wonderful character. By the way, sometimes a parent's encouraging smile is enough for a child instead of a material reward. So why reinvent the wheel?

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Video: encouragement as a method of raising children

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Types of rewards and their effects in raising a child

Activity Permission and Empowerment

It is important that such encouragement is not associated with a child with some specific achievement, it should speak of the parent's acceptance of the child's independence. That is, the use of such encouragement should be perceived by the child not as a tribute from an adult endowed with power, but as a symbol of the parent's acceptance of the "adulthood" of the child, a high level of independence and responsibility. Of course, the use of such encouragement makes sense only when the child has proved the listed qualities in his daily activities.

Child-parent activity

This way of encouraging the child is to offer him to take part in any activity or game with an adult that is attractive to the child. Despite the effectiveness of this method, the time spent with the child should not be allowed to be singled out only as a means of encouragement. The parent must keep in mind that communication with adults, especially at preschool age, is a leading activity for the baby. It is through communication that he learns the world and builds his first social position in relation to other people. Through communication, all the higher mental functions of the child develop. In itself, communication should be regular, but joint activities in any area should be a positive method of rewarding a child.

caress as a reward

This word refers to pleasant for parent and child, warm, emotional and positively charged contact with the child in verbal and non-verbal terms (for example, tactile contact). For a baby, affection is a symbol of his complete acceptance of personality and actions. Weasel contributes to the formation of the child:

Healthy self-confidence
Feelings of security and, as a result, openness to new things
positive self-esteem
self esteem

Again, it is important that petting is not used as the only way to encourage and only as a "thank you" for something. It is important that the child feels love from the parents under any circumstances, and caress was not only a consequence of his achievements.

Financial reward

In principle, this method can give positive results, but it is not as simple as it seems. It is important to understand that the gift system should not be associated with the directive execution of the instructions of the parents by the child. A scheme like “you do something, and for that I will buy you something” leads to pragmatism on the part of the child, and fulfilling the requirements and following the norms will not be a value in itself, but only a method of earning gifts. Another pitfall of this approach is that the child may try to terrorize the parents by making demands. Like affection, a child should not accept gifts from parents only as a reward for something. Through them, love and its unconditional acceptance should be transmitted to the child, and not a “salary” for some act. Praise

The most common method of influencing parents on a child, but it is worth recognizing that not all praise is equal in importance and it does not always help the child to positively form his Self. Praise is an encouragement of two components: the words of parents directed at the child, and the meaning that sees them as a child. And, as we understand, the second component is much more important for the development of the baby.

If praise is appropriate, and moreover, adequate to the situation and action, then this method of encouragement will help the child form his own system of behavior regulation, which will be based on generally accepted norms and rules.

The praise statement itself should include a summary of the child's actions, as well as the significance and how it affected others.

In the case of unjustified praise, it is not the act, but the personality of the baby that is evaluated, such praise does not correlate with the child's real achievements and does not take into account his capabilities.

By what variables adults evaluate an act, the child learns very early, therefore praise is necessary when the evaluation system has not yet been formed. If the child already has his own principle of evaluating actions, and it does not coincide with the parent, then praise from their side can be experienced by him as a mockery or ridicule. To avoid this, it is important that parents, while praising the child, expand and describe the child's act as much as possible, putting its positive effects in the first place.

But excessive praise can be dangerous. Constant praise can form in the child a sense of his dependence on his parents: after all, they have the right to praise him. This is dangerous because it can form:

Anxiety
Fear
Feeling of submission
dependent position
Feeling manipulated
Adolescents experience inequality

The child begins to be afraid of being left without a positive assessment from an adult, loses his confidence and is afraid to take on anything. Otherwise, the opposite happens: the child considers himself the king of the world, a complex of "supervalue" develops.

If the praise does not correlate with the child's ideas about himself, then he may come to the conclusion that adults simply cannot understand him. A large amount of praise leads to a real dependence on the assessment of an adult - no longer necessary, but pathological.

Praise in the form of comparison with someone can humiliate the child. This method leads to inadequate competition, envy and can even negatively affect relationships with friends. Comparison-type praise is not the best method of encouragement, since it denies the intrinsic value of the child, his uniqueness is important only his superiority over someone. Moreover, such a method can have an extremely negative impact on the child if his assessment takes place in a circle of peers, where his actions are given a different, opposite assessment.

conclusions

It is important that punishments in the life of a child should take up less space than rewards. Can there be many? It's just that parents should build a system of education in such a way that rewards are logical throughout the structure. Rewards should evaluate the actions of the child, but be used and not only as a method of reinforcing one or another action. Through encouragement, a unique environment is created in which the child feels valued and significant, accepted by parents. In principle, all parents are familiar with these methods of working with children, but a fairly small circle of people use them psychologically correctly.

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Is punishing children or encouraging them to raise them better?

What works better in raising children: punishment or encouragement?

It would seem a banal question, and any parent who is in a complacent mood will say: “Why punish children? It is necessary to influence with a word, an example ... ”And, of course, he will be right according to all the canons of pedagogy. But the same parent, at the third hour of an argument with a child over a trifling matter or a child’s tantrums from scratch, will already think about the answer.

What is punishment?

Punishment is a physical, material or psychological impact of a negative nature on the one who committed the offense.

Why do we want to punish a child? You can probably assume that we punish children by teaching them not to do something. We want them to improve and become us, parents, unquestioningly obey. Because, as we, APRIORI, know better, we have more experience, we have lived a lot of years in the world. However, all this is in plain sight and pops out of my head automatically. What if you think about it?

Maybe we punish children because we no longer have the patience to endure their antics? What fills us with anger? That we just don't know how to educate them? And to press with authority in any form, belt or notation, is the only way out for us?

Defenders of traditional parenting will say: "Children have been punished and punished physically since time immemorial." Yes, they were punished, but to say that this greatly changed the children, made them obey and obey with joy, you can’t say. Children accepted punishment, harbored anger, cultivated aggression in themselves, or, in the worst case, broke down and "earned" mental trauma.

What actually happens to a child when he is punished?

One incorrect behavior of the child is replaced by another behavior, also not correct. The child begins to hide his actions, lie, dodge.

In the soul of the child there is a sharp conflict between love for parents and resentment, anger at "the arbiters of his fate."

Punishment can become a surrogate for getting parental attention. For a child, it is always BETTER NEGATIVE THAN NO REACTION AT ALL to his behavior and actions.

The habit of punishment causes infantile reactions in the child, he simply pays for all the sins with punishment. Punished, he paid off and his conscience is clear.

So, we realized that the punishment does not "roll". More precisely, the result is not at all the one for which they tried. And what, instead of punishment, can an advanced parent in matters of education demonstrate?

Alternative to punishment

Patience. Oh, not every parent can boast of this virtue. In the rhythms of our hectic world, the race for the mirages of prosperity, happiness and a brilliant future, we are forgetting that life is happening right NOW, children receive education lessons right here and now. And it depends on us what he learns.

Slowness. You should not immediately punish the child, first a warning, a brief explanation of the wrongness of the misconduct and the parent's position on this matter. It is possible that the offense will not be repeated again and you will not bring up a “recidivist” with your incontinence.

Switching. Young children are easy enough to switch to a more interesting activity.

promotion. Rewarding good behavior is more effective than punishment. You always want to repeat the good times. And the child is no exception.

Temporary loss of privileges. You clarified, you warned, and now you just keep your word. The idea that the child himself can change the situation at any time makes disciplinary action less painful.

When seeking obedience, do not overdo it, an exemplary child does not mean a happy child.

Reward and punishment are two components of the golden parenting of a child.

Today, psychologists have developed a large number of other methods that do not welcome the “belt on the pope” methods and promote raising children without screaming and punishment.

Cruel treatment of small fidgets of any age will give negative results, so doctors recommend not resorting to these methods, choosing more gentle methods of education.

Is it possible to raise children without screaming and punishment?

The lack of punishment for naughty will mean permissiveness, so measures to prevent bad behavior also take place.

The disobedience of the child always causes anger, irritability of the mother, often asking the father to "influence" the baby.

A man, for his part, is able to use force in relation to the crumbs, which will instill fear in a teenager.

In psychology, there are several principles designed specifically for parents who do not practice threats, corporal and physical punishment:

Patience. Parents who choose this path run the risk of raising a self-sufficient, happy teenager, while verbal punishment should also be present.
They alternate with rewards designed according to the system.
Accept the child as he is. The kid should feel that he is loved, but it is not recommended to pay excessive attention to the lack of independence of the crumbs.
A child with behavior where everything is allowed; for which all actions are performed by parents - often grows arrogant and demanding.
Personal example. Measures of punishment will not be needed if the mother explains to her child, by her own example, the norms of behavior and communication.
Sometimes one verbal explanation is not enough, so you will have to personally demonstrate to the crumbs how to behave.
Less pressure. The more parents “saw” their young children, the more protest becomes expressed in them.
Eliminate constant pressure and soon you won't have to use different types of punishments.

Do not forget about rewards, because the baby will have more good deeds and right actions when he realizes that you can get approval from his mother for them.

Dr. Komarovsky on the punishment of children

A well-known pediatrician believes that the correct adaptation of the baby to the outside world will make it easier to cope with his upbringing from an early age.

Komarovsky argues that physical punishment cannot be used, it is better to give preference to other types of behavior:

"The pack does not follow the cub." When the baby begins to achieve what he wants with tears and whims, parents are divided into 2 types.
Komarovsky advises in such situations to simply ignore the baby and go to another room, and return only after he calms down.
The same prohibitions from dad and mom. You can do without punishment even if dad and mom have the same opinion: a clear answer “no” and “no” to disobedience.
In modern families, the baby is not afraid of dad, because prohibitions always come from mom. It is worth noting that the bans should be deliberate, with a full explanation of the consequences.
Violence is not an option. Methods of punishment such as slaps on the buttocks and more stringent measures to prevent overindulgence do not always end in minor injuries.
Parents who do not know how to control themselves can cause terrible harm to the baby, up to criminal liability.
In this case, Komarovsky advises urgently contacting a family psychologist.

The doctor believes that the raised tone also offends the baby: you can explain the wrongness of the baby in a calm spirit, while always backing it up with examples.

Important! With large duties, the pediatrician allows the child to be sent to a corner. This is how the kid can understand that he did wrong.

Komarovsky insists on the method of education without punishment. The house should have the formula “do as I do”, demonstrated by adults.

However, many parents try to replace the reverse “do as I say”, making a big mistake.

In what ways can you encourage a child?

The number of views on the methodology of encouragement in the family is equal to the number of teachers. Each of them adheres to certain options, so it is worth considering the most used today, as well as methods approved by psychologists.

Note! It is worth excluding the method of encouraging sweet products in advance: this will not only harm the health of the teeth, but will create a cult for the baby out of food.

Consider several ways to encourage children in the family, which are rightfully considered effective.

Based on the proposed methods, parents can come up with their own system:

promotion	When to use?
Praise	Sincere praise allows the baby to increase their self-esteem, especially when it comes from parents and older children. Words of encouragement should be used if the baby himself has done something useful, interesting. If the child did natural things: put away toys, washed his face or hands, there should be no praise.
Confidence	There is such a form of encouragement as trust. This is what makes the child feel needed. Walking on the playground with the baby, many mothers try to do everything for him in order to prevent injury. Then the baby feels that the mother does not trust him. This feature of education later develops into the helplessness of a teenager and the lack of self-sufficiency. Trust from mother will be the best encouragement to the child
Fulfillment of desires	The joy of upbringing lies in watching how, with the help of the efforts of parents, a smart, independent, interesting person grows out of a child. An encouragement in the form of the fulfillment of a cherished desire is perfect as a reward for successful grades throughout the quarter

Token reward system for children in the family

To build cooperation between children and parents, psychologists and educators have made every effort to develop a token reward system.

In this case, children react more actively to praise, trying to do as many “useful and correct” actions as possible.

The basic rules for this method are as follows:

For a certain target behavior, the baby is given a token or an asterisk, which is later subject to exchange.
Decide on a target behavior that the child can perform.
Reinforcements and rewards must be different, otherwise the baby will soon get bored.
Set a schedule for issuing reinforcements.
The system must be used in every area of the baby's life, otherwise he will understand that it is optional.
The child needs to demonstrate that the mother fully supports this system.

Answering the age-old question of whether it is possible to raise a baby without punishment, it is worth noting that spanking is not the most suitable method for parents.

Only a well-constructed reward process will help raise a child with high quality.

Useful video

Encouraging children is a very effective way of parenting, which is an additional incentive for good behavior. That is why it is necessary to use a variety of forms of praise.

But parents should be careful about rewards, since their excess can adversely affect the formation of a child's personality. How to properly encourage a child and what should not be praised for?

Psychologists clarify that praising children often leads to the appearance of such unpleasant character traits as capriciousness, selfishness, and infantilism. Some mothers and fathers do not see the difference between encouragement and material reward, seeking to enlist children's obedience with the help of money.

Therefore, praise can be both useful and harmful "tool" of education.

To master the art of encouragement, a few simple rules will help you, having learned which, you can avoid many educational mistakes.

How can you encourage a child?

In fact, there are many forms of toddler approval that work effectively depending on specific situations. What methods of encouragement are distinguished by psychologists?

A widely used and most common method of encouragement is the usual praise, which involves verbal influence. Simply put, a child’s good behavior is praised, his actions are approved, supported by parents.
Another effective method is affection, which includes kisses, hugs, gentle stroking on the back or head. Sometimes they are more important and much more effective than ordinary words. This form of encouragement is most often applied to young children.
An interesting way of motivating encouragement is additional time for joint entertainment or games. It is often used in order to get the necessary act from children. For example: "We will go to the playground as soon as you clean the room."
If older children behave well, help adults, they can be encouraged by expanding their rights and lifting prohibitions on any actions. For example, schoolchildren are allowed to go to bed half an hour or an hour later for good grades.
Toys, sweets and other rewards motivate children to do the right things. However, this method should be treated with caution, since many children begin to demand material incentives for each of their actions.

The best effect can be achieved using various methods of rewards, depending on the age of the baby, his psychological characteristics.

Parental Mistakes When Encouraging Children

We have already said that the thoughtless use of praise can harm both the child himself and your relationship with him. Check if you repeat the following mistakes when communicating with your baby.

Sometimes children only behave well in the presence of other people, wanting to be rewarded or impress. Often this is due to excessive praise from parents and grandmothers: “You are the smartest boy in the world!”
Little manipulators grow up in those families in which adults try to "bribe" children with various rewards for any good deed. Did the child share a car with his younger sister? Adults buy him a new toy, and so on.
Some parents praise their child while belittling the dignity of other children. For example: "Your drawing is much more beautiful than Masha's." It is preferable to compare the child with himself, pointing out that with each achievement he becomes smarter, more economical.

How to reward a child for good behavior?

In order for rewards to be sincere, appropriate, and correctly understood by children, they must be used correctly.

Any praise should be fair and consistent with children's behavior. So, you should not praise, give gifts for behavior that is natural at his age: the baby once again put on a blouse, laced up his shoes, etc. And vice versa, be sure to celebrate important achievements and significant actions: the child helped his mother carry the bag, drew a beautiful drawing.
It is preferable to praise not the baby himself, but his good deed. If the child has removed the toys in the nursery, you should not say: "You are my smart girl." Say it better: “After cleaning your room is so clean. It's a pleasure to go into it." And do not get off with praise with general phrases, like: "Beautiful drawing." Mark those elements of the image that you especially liked: bright flowers, a tree that looks very alive, funny hares.
Often children do not need praise or reward, it is important for them to enjoy the creativity itself or a new achievement. In this case, parents can voice the feelings of the child and thereby support the desire for knowledge. “I am very glad that you have learned to ride a bicycle. You look happy and satisfied with your success! Now we will ride with you together in the park.

Of course, every family has its own rules of encouragement and praise. The main thing is that they help to establish good relationships between households and do not interfere with the upbringing of the baby.

Is it possible to encourage a child with money?

The method of monetary reward has both supporters and ardent opponents. Followers of this method note that weekly payments for good grades or small amounts for washing dishes discipline children. Opponents, on the other hand, believe that a child who receives money for household chores focuses only on external results.

Many psychologists also have a negative attitude towards monetary rewards. Experts are sure that children should do homework disinterestedly. If you want your child to learn how to manage money, wait until he grows up. It is already possible to give pocket money to a younger student for small expenses.

Experienced parents offer alternative ways to reward good behavior. If you don't like the idea of cash rewards, find an alternative to money.

For example, multi-colored beads, bright buttons will be an excellent replacement for coins. Develop a payment system with your child, according to which washing dishes will correspond, for example, to two buttons.

In this case, the children should be able to “earn” something worthwhile in a week so that they have the motivation to move on. Encouragement can be a joint trip to the cinema, a circus, a visit to a children's entertainment center.

It is up to parents to decide whether to use the method of monetary reward.

Do not forget that when choosing a method of encouragement, you should take into account the personal qualities of your child. And even if you choose the best way, use it very carefully, because the excessive use of praise and rewards can easily turn into parental responsibility.

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