How to know that you truly love a person: the differences between love and falling in love and attraction. An important question: how to understand that you love a person

How to understand that you really love another person, and he loves you? This question comes to our editorial office more and more often. It is not surprising, because the word “love” today so often pops up in articles, books, films and endless statuses on social networks that it gradually loses its meaning and meaning for people.

People often thoughtlessly say “I love”, meaning by this different, sometimes even opposite feelings: affection, jealousy, the desire to possess, the desire to please another, or just a momentary surge of positive emotions.

And if no one can give an unambiguous answer to the question “what is love”, then how can we understand that we really love a person? How to distinguish true love from falling in love, habit or desire just to be with someone? Today we will talk about this topic.

Love and infatuation

Young and still inexperienced guys and girls, as a rule, do not doubt the sincerity of their feelings. Older people usually ponder for a long time and painfully whether they really love, or is it just another “blow of the subconscious” - an “idle emotion of falling in love”, from which nothing will remain after some time? This happens because of the amount of negative experience behind each person.

Young people have practically no one to compare their attitude to their current partner, so they call any craving for another person love. This is fraught with great disappointments in the future, and sometimes even psychological trauma.

People of a more respectable age have something to compare with, but they fall into another trap, often forbidding themselves to admit the sincerity of their feelings due to negative experiences in the past. Today's article, hopefully, will be able to explain to both those and others in which cases it is safe to say that you love another person.

Of course, one should not discount the fact that each person is individual, and everyone has feelings in their own way. However, there are several common signs by which we can determine whether we truly love someone.

What is love?

The most obvious sign of love, most people consider the desire to constantly be close to the object of attention. Do you feel that every second spent without a lover is wasted, you live in anticipation of the next meeting, and any mention of a partner makes your heart flutter?

Well, friends, if this feeling overtook you at the very beginning of the relationship, then it is not love. Such a feeling is called falling in love, passion, and if even more banal - an ordinary sexual desire, a game of hormones.

People take falling in love for love, get married, even have children under its influence, and after a while they suddenly realize that they are disgusted by their spouse.

Hence the huge number of divorces, quarrels, division of property and children, enmity between the once "loving" people. If you can’t imagine yourself without another person, if any of his touch makes you dizzy, if his name has suddenly become your favorite name, and his hobby has become your favorite pastime, slow down.

How to check your feelings for another person?

Nobody forbids you to enjoy emotions, meet and have fun, but you definitely should not make fateful decisions under the influence of falling in love. You need to at least check how long your feelings will last.

Of course, in this state, you seem to be completely sure that you want to live life with this person, but this confidence is illusory. Wait until the frenzy of falling in love subsides, and you will finally begin to communicate more with your partner and get to know each other better. Only then will it be possible to understand whether you love or not.

Trust in a relationship is a sign of love

The key to the strongest relationship is not only something common between the partners, but also their own, personal territory for each of them. If you are happy to do something with your favorite common cause, create something together or just have a good time, but there is also a place in your life for others, purely your own activities, hobbies and friends, then you most likely really love the person next to you with you.

You are not jealous of his work, hobbies, friends - to those areas of his life that you do not control. You are glad that your loved one enjoys life and is happy to do something of his own. Such an attitude is a sign of trust between you, and trust is one of the keys to true happiness in love. By this sign, you can also make sure that you sincerely love the other person.

Respect and love

You can understand whether you love a person by honestly answering yourself the question of whether you respect him. Many modern couples at every crossroads scream about the all-consuming power of their love, but, nevertheless, constantly humiliate each other, show disrespect, and sometimes contempt for each other.

If you constantly scold your beloved, criticize his favorite business, work, friends, any of his choices in general, I can congratulate you - you do not love him at all.

You won’t go far on sexual attraction alone, and you won’t build a happy family without respect. It is regrettable, but today marriages of mutual convenience are stronger than marriages "for love", or rather "for love", since people who do not experience "violence of feelings" for each other, but respect each other, will never go down to insults, mutual claims and "pilezh".

They understand the boundaries of each other's personal space, so even such couples have more chances for albeit devoid of passion, but still - family happiness. If in your relationship there is a place not only for passion, but also for respect, then you most likely really love your chosen one or chosen one, or at least are on the way to this feeling.

Listening is a sign of true love

To understand whether you love a person, it is equally important to admit to yourself that you are listening, or rather, whether you hear him. Many couples visit a psychologist to deal with conflicts that arise in the family and improve the quality of relationships, but these goals are just an excuse for them.

The true reason is the desire of each of them to receive confirmation from a psychologist that they are right in the dispute, and the partner is to blame for all family problems. So that later it would be possible to declare to the “presumptuous” lover: “You see, even the psychologist says that you are wrong!”

If your conversations with your lover are dominated by raised tones, if you strive to speak more than listen, if instead of understanding your partner, you try to impose your point of view on him, and when this does not work, you are offended - you do not love him.

A sign of sincere love will be precisely the desire to understand another person, even realizing that he is very different from you. May you not understand how you can love fishing, communicate with "her stupid girlfriend", why collect "those stupid model airplanes" that only collect dust, and why you need to buy more shoes.

May you yourself never come close to an old car, may you never dare to jump with a parachute and perform on stage! But if you sincerely want to understand the motives of the actions of the beloved and his way of thinking, as well as the reasons for his love for what you do not accept, then you most likely really love him.

Selfless love

It is important to say that many people initially approach the issue of love incorrectly, stating that they are “looking for their soul mate” who will make their life happy.

If your motive is the desire to make yourself happy (read: the desire to take something from a person), it is unlikely that your feeling can be called true love. It is rather a desire to obtain some benefit for oneself personally. And if you, entering into a relationship, first of all want to give, and not take, you most likely really love your partner. And that is the essence of true love.

At this point, many readers of our learning and self-development portal may have sincere indignation: they say, how is it, I will give, and my partner, it turns out, will only take? What if he sits on my neck?

And if this thought occurred to you, think about it: you, most likely, are completely unhappy on your own. So, you will definitely expect that the other person will make you happy. This attitude is dooming you to failure.

If we draw a parallel with business, then the businessman who first of all thinks about how to give people what they want always wins. The sales of such a businessman will grow, and the clientele will multiply.

And the business of the person who relies primarily on his desires (“I want to sell this, and it doesn’t matter to me whether any of the people need it”) is likely to quickly burn out, and the failed entrepreneur will have to pay off his debts .

Do you want to take or give to your partner (beloved)?

The same thing happens with modern couples, almost everyone constantly wants something from a partner, not wanting to give a lot and make concessions: everyone comes with a list of their desires that need to be fulfilled and problems that need to be solved, and begins to demand from a partner start working on it.

One demands from the other, the other from the first, but in the end there is no return. Then there is a loud divorce, during which everyone shouts that "he was not given what he wanted." What is this love? These are trade and money relations, barter, but not a deep and strong feeling.

How do you know if you love a person? Before figuring out how to understand whether you love a person or not, it is worth deciding on the concept of love in your personal perception system, the place reserved for it, effective and verbal manifestations, or perhaps only sensual self-perceptions. Love can be confused with passion, attachment, addiction, habit, a way to resolve psychological problems, and even with the consequences of complexes and psychotraumas received throughout life. The desire to be constantly near, to smell and touch the object of sympathy can be the beginning of love, or it can remain at this level, dictated by passion and pheromones.

The desire to please a person, to make his life easier, to help, to make him smile may indicate the presence of love. This can also include sincere feelings for the fate of a person - if you are indifferent to his successes or failures, or are only interested in one of these aspects, then you can hardly talk about a sincere interest in his fate. Remember that such signs separately cannot indicate a feeling of love, they can characterize both friendship and a warm attitude and a sense of duty - only a combination of many factors can say that this is love.

How to understand if you love a person or is it affection

Love is impossible without trust, and such a requirement is due not only to wishes, but also to the evolutionary course, when families began to be created, and not temporary unions for intercourse and procreation, a sense of trust became one of the priority qualities and self-perceptions next to a person. A similar model is also characteristic of the present time - no matter how it captures passion, everything that shines for a couple that has developed on the basis of physical attraction is a wonderful joint intimacy, without love and a future, but if there is a feeling of trust in your life to this person, then love is here closer and longer, as well as the quality of the relationship is improved.

Just as there is trust, i.e. the ability to completely entrust your life into the hands of a loved one, there must also be a component. A vivid example is given to the maternal one, which is the most vivid manifestation of self-sacrifice for the sake of a beloved being, it is natural that in a pair of adults such relationships will indicate some kind of soreness, but there should be elements. It is impossible to talk about the presence of love if there is a need only to receive from a person, to leave in difficult moments for a partner and to observe only one's own interests.

The very question of what you are experiencing indicates dissatisfaction with the relationship, regardless of the answer. Such thoughts creep in if you start using comparisons of your relationship with the relationship of acquaintances or in your parental family, with movie characters or regarding your youthful dreams, and perhaps even with how these same relationships looked at the beginning. All these points have one thing in common: separation from reality and inapplicability to a specific person and specific relationships. To figure it out, you will have to think about what you personally put into the concept of love and, on the basis of this, find the points that you lack in a real relationship. It often happens that you do not have to dig deep between affection and love, and everything is easily solved by a direct and honest conversation with a partner about arranging or not arranging moments.

There are two views on the difference between love and affection - concepts as synonymous (after all, we really become attached to loved ones and can begin to love as a result of affection), while others separate these categories into different poles, considering one a manifestation of sincerity and freedom, and the other pretense and dependence. Indeed, affection can outwardly resemble love - a person is expressed so much empathy and care, attention is given and a privileged position is given with the only difference that this is done through an effort, forcedly, with an understanding of specific losses, if these actions are not performed.

Attachment often develops into dependence, and if you perceive what is happening through such a prism, then they begin to draw signs of the difference between love and attachment - pain, tension,. Fear is created by the possibility of losing a person (its significance may be due to material wealth or psychological comfort), which entails serious frustrating processes for the life of another, and accordingly gives rise to resistance and constant sensitivity. In an effort to avoid loss, a person becomes constantly tense in order to guess the other in time or to restrain the manifestation of his own. All this is done to avoid the pain of a breakup, which is constantly visible on the horizon and scary. Attachment will look something like this, while in love there is no pain, even when parting, a person wants all the best and accepts his choice to move on on his own. And if the killing pain of loss does not threaten, then there is no fear of parting, tension disappears. A person is happy and relaxed, can be anything, and shows care and attention from his own needs and desires, enjoying the process. All this does not mean that attachments take an exceptionally bad form, we all build many relationships on the feeling of attachment, but as long as they are in a soft and free mode, this is acceptable and normal (such relationships can occur between colleagues when they seem to be used to each other , but the world won't collapse if someone changes jobs).

Attachment is always characterized by the presence of benefits (material, housing, psychological, social), but love is more self-sufficient and relationships are present just like that, for the sake of pleasure, and not because of making it easier to pay a mortgage or get rid of the pressure of grandmothers to arrange a personal life.

How to understand if a loved one loves you

If with all questions relating to a person, it is best to approach and ask, then, with regard to sympathy, this method may not work, because out of a sense of embarrassment they may answer you that they do not like, and out of a desire not to offend, tell that they love. However, there are several indirect signs if doubts remain about the confession made or not made. Significantly more eloquent are always actions that betray a person's attitude. If you notice that they care about you, always remember events or plans that are significant for you, help or try to please, then this is definitely about sincere sympathy. But in assessing actions, make allowances for how your loved one perceives the world, it is likely that he will show his signs of attention differently than you would (if in your case these are constant SMS messages, then he may, on the contrary, not write, taking care so as not to disturb you).

Perhaps the most important sign of serious love is the construction of joint plans. When your relationship is long-term, then plans should be big, about a common home and children, and for the initial stage, plans for weekends and holidays are good. If this does not happen, then the conversation can be initiated on your own, because the person is afraid to frighten you off with his serious attitude (after all, many girls believed magazine articles and simply do not talk about plans with the aim not to frighten off their beloved).

The fact that you were introduced to your circle of friends, and possibly relatives, indicates a serious positioning of your relationship, and when you are introduced to new acquaintances as your soul mate, then this is love. If you notice that in public he moves away, and he represents you neutrally, then either you have chosen an extremely secretive and stern man, or he is not defined in feelings.

You want to share with your loved one, and this should include not only material things, but also friends and time, advice from experience and mood. The desire to share with you their joyful participation in your life speaks of love, but the division of spheres with a clear definition without the desire to unite, shows a person’s unwillingness to open up.

In order to express love, it is not necessary to pronounce this word, but such an attitude should be felt, and if you have doubts, then try to speak honestly.

How to understand if you love a person or not after breaking up

The emotional state after a breakup can be very unstable, when you want to kill the one with whom you had romantic feelings and nostalgia rolls in such that you want to return. Here it is worth dealing with the question of how to understand whether you love a person or not after parting, because perhaps this is attachment or an unfilled void, and the main thing here is not to confuse such things with the loss of love.

To understand yourself, you need to isolate yourself from the influence of the opinions of others, which can both engage in PR for a rare villain and denigrate a truly loved one. You can forbid talking about your former relationship and reporting any information about the current state of affairs in a person, and if requests do not help, temporarily stop communicating with those who are trying to influence your perception. Listen to how easy it is for you to live every day on your own, how often you remember the former, open the photos and look at it from an intimate point of view, because you can react to the changed life (that no one rattles the coffee maker or because you didn’t have to carry groceries from shop). Look back and assess if there are resentments between you, often love can be confused with the need for his apology or atonement for your own feelings of guilt. Also imagine the future, general old age and evaluate the feelings from such a picture - if it’s warm and cozy, then you can talk about love, if it’s cold, disgusting or nothing, then there’s nothing, even if it caused a lot of activity and a desire to be there, then check - you like the family picture or this person in it.

It’s good to analyze it, and if it seems to you that after parting, feelings are alive, think about the lack of reconciliation or steps in your direction from the former. Usually, if love is sincere, then it is mutual and both regret parting. Getting rid of a false idea will help get rid of - imagine in as much detail as possible that you are in a great relationship, where you are appreciated and you are happy, and through this state evaluate your feelings for the former. If, while in a relationship, you do not remember past love, then it was a veiled fear of loneliness, and if you think about it, then it makes sense to suspend the current relationship until you fully understand yourself.

Feelings for the former are normal, it is important, when they arise, to keep a complete picture of what is happening, with all its shortcomings, all your dissatisfaction and share. You can love how he hugged you through a dream and hate the rest of the time, you can miss walking in the park together and enjoy the silence in the apartment in the evening - then this is about very specific things that you need, without all the unwanted list. But if there is an understanding that this person is needed and his shortcomings are complementary to yours, then this is love that can still be returned if you quickly realize and do not wait for feelings to leave.

He made friends at work with a girl older than himself (7 years old). In friendship, everything was going great. Over time, I began to understand that my feelings for her go beyond friendship. He began to show signs of attention to her and everything was going well exactly until the moment he began to offer her to spend time together after work. Every time there were some reasons not to meet. On weekends, I was simply ignored in all forms of communication and means of communication. And when we saw each other at work, communication went on as if nothing had happened. To my questions why such an ignore in my address, what is the reason for refusals in meetings .... she lowered her eyes and said another excuse. She was promoted and our communication came to naught ... although when she heard from colleagues that I had problems at home, she called and asked, cheered me up.

After some time of such communication, my colleague invited me to visit him .... since he had been inviting me for several years, and I still doubted whether to go or not .... I agreed ... yes, and he told me that for several years I was missing the moment to find out the truth about one question. While visiting him, he told me that he and this girl had been together for a long time. It turned out that by inviting me to visit them for several years, they tried to open their relationship to me ... which they carefully concealed at work.

When I asked why everything is so complicated and if they trust me so much .... he did not say and why she did not say.

He wanted to say that's why he invited me to visit him .... she said that she saw my signs of attention and was afraid of my reaction to the fact that she would tell me that she already had a long-term relationship with my colleague.

I continued friendly communication with them without revealing their secret. But once I asked her a question .... I asked her what she was afraid to tell me about their relationship because she was afraid of losing a friend? .... in response, she silently approached me and hugged me tightly. And not long ago there was such a hug too ... I came to them for the New Year and, handing me a gift, she silently hugged me again.

I just honestly cannot understand what she is trying to say and show with these hugs. I would have had enough nice words from her.

Hello!

I'm trying to solve my problem: I'm 40, she's 32. My Beloved is in the city of N, I'm in Moscow (long story - 3 years), but after she moved to the city of N for work (and she comes from there) at the end of July 2017. after a month and a half, there was a serious deterioration in relations, manifested in coldness on her part, closeness, visiting nightclubs and restaurants with new friends (of course, male) from work. I must say right away - I am not a gift, she had reasons, because. I frankly gave up on her last year. I immediately rushed to the city of N 2 days later and proposed to her ... and ... she said that she was not ready to say yes or no and she needed to think! Naturally, all this sharply spurred me on all sorts of loving actions in her address (gentle texts, calls every day (before - much less often and then, rather, on her initiative), which she perceived as artificial actions exclusively under pressure and that the proposal I had to do it earlier and the train left.To my specific question: YES or NO (of course, I didn’t even want to hear NO), a couple of weeks later, when I came to her mother for a couple of days on the DR, she again answered ambiguously, but said, what to break yourself and adapt to me, as it was before, now it won’t; if something doesn’t suit me, I can leave. soul, she, seeing this, offered me the conditions under which she could give a specific answer: I had to start changing something in our relationship (to resolve the issue with my relocation, with work there (I have freelance now, with housing ( in Moscow, an apartment that must be exchanged between the ex-wife with her son and me), but at the same time she reserves the right to non-binding communication with new male friends. At that moment, she instantly changed her coldness and closeness to the mercy, kindness and openness that I was used to and so much needed at that moment, that I thought I was dreaming about it. Further, for 2 weeks, for my part, I tried as best I could to be gentle and caring (sending her flowers to the hotel on a business trip, writing gentle SMS), but at the same time a wild feeling of jealousy grew in me and began to spill out, which was expressed in my control questions that didn’t exist before, suspicions, tense conversations on the bodies after that (which she called the removal of the brain), etc. I understood that this was very wrong, but I could not completely control it, because. and she no no, yes, she will add fuel to the fire (does not answer the phone, does not answer the chat or sends photos from restaurants (it is clear that she is not alone there). In the end, last weekend, 2 weeks after the moment of “warming”, there was a shock freeze and she said that her final answer was NO. Further, the program of rot with historical argumentation began. I did not argue with anything - for all these are facts. I only said that I had analyzed everything, understood it, imbued it and was ready to change it. To which she replied - I do not believe you and I have no desire to try to save something with you anymore. On the same evening, we still went, as planned, to a country hotel, where the “tests” continued, in particular, her Skype conversation with a colleague from work on Saturday evening at 23.30 (obviously, male) allegedly on the issue of a business plan) ). Didn't sleep all night. It was hard. The next day, she periodically changed her anger to mercy, which put me into a stupor, although the general concept did not change: I made a decision, I don’t need you with my trailers (like a former family that I pay attention to - I communicate with my son and, as a result, with my ex, by the way, this is one of the main points, because, I confess this, I really often spent weekends with my son and went to him in the middle of the week). Plus, questions of a material nature began to emerge in relation to her (they also took place, I do not argue).
As a result, having reached their house (she lives with her mother and grandmother, with whom I think I have a wonderful relationship), where it was planned that I would stay until the morning, having done shopping together in the store, I took my things from the car, hugged her, kissed her, wished her all the best, called a taxi and left for the hotel. On the way, I realized that, excuse me, I was completely fucked up, because. now removed all moral restrictions from her and, moreover, apparently forced me to tell her relatives the reason for my absence. After that, I wrote to her that, like, see you in the chat, and after a while she wrote that it’s a pity, everything is a pity.
The next day I wrote to her, asked about her health (she caught a cold) - she answered. Later - she sent me something, I answered; this is where it all faded away. All day today, silence on both sides.
I understand that I love her, I want to take care of her, as it was from the very beginning of our acquaintance. My main cant is that I proposed to her only when it was locked up, although I thought about it for a long time - everyone wanted to seize the moment. What do you advise? And, in general, is it possible to make an appointment in person or on Skype, for example, with one of your specialists for a consultation - the question is not an easy one, and I outlined only the very tip of the iceberg. For example, to Vedmesh Natalia?

• Hello Igor. We recommend that you look at your situation from the outside. Turning to the perception of the events of your life as if from the outside, you will be able to soberly evaluate them and react with cold calculation.
  Trying to solve a personal problem, you are even more deadlocked. To let go of a problem situation, it is more expedient to distract from it.
  In order for the union to be happy, efforts in a pair must be made by both partners in the same amount. A relationship between two lovers is a lot of work. If one of the lovers tries to save the relationship with greater returns, and the second with less, then soon the first partner will feel that the union is more important and dear to him than the second half, as a result, this will eventually lead to discontent, and then to quarrels.
  From what you have stated, it seems that only you are trying to develop your relationship, and the girl is in thought and in a free search for "coldness on her part, closeness, visiting nightlife and restaurants with new friends."
  If a girl cherished you, experienced sincere feelings, then she would be glad of your proposal, regardless of when it was received. You cannot change what has already happened to you, but you can react differently to events.
  “I understand that I love her, I want to take care of her, as it was from the very beginning of our acquaintance.” - Relationships, feelings between people cannot be static, they are constantly changing, developing and what you want at the moment does not coincide with your beloved.
  At the moment, you have someone to take care of - this is your child. Pay attention to your child, a smart and loving woman would understand this.

  • Natalia, hello! Thank you very much for your answer.
    I would like to clarify one point about the efforts of partners. After all, in the last post I did not outline all the nuances.
    The fact is that for more than 2 years, including the last year, when I frankly already took her kind, affectionate attitude for granted and gave up on her, she practically made efforts and pulled our relationship, and I started running only when the rooster pecked - like a month and a half! . On her part, there were conversations and resentments and, sometimes, hidden tantrums, which only splashed out a little, but I listened to her and did not hear !! I kept misprioritizing. She just burned out morally and her patience snapped! . Although, it seems to me, I feel that there is still some small spark in her soul, but in her mind she no longer believes in our relationship and does not want to continue it. This is expressed in the fact that she can be closed, ignoring, irritated, harsh (do not touch me, etc.), but suddenly for a short time she can change her anger to mercy. I told her that I feel it, and she says that it's just a habit left. Today and yesterday, for example, she wrote to me, today she sent a photo from her workplace. I also write to her, I’m interested in her well-being, as she can’t get rid of a cold in any way, but I restrain myself strongly so as not to wish good night or good morning or not to write something affectionate or not to put a smiley face with a kiss, etc. I don’t want to be intrusive to her now, because I already broke wood with my selfish jealousy, after which, by the way, she refused the conditions offered to her - to see how I would organize our further life together and relationships on my part.
    But still, I believe in the ability to restore relationships and take them to a new level. I myself am to blame for everything, and if I had supported the fire, it would not have turned into coals. Therefore, he must correct the situation on his own initiative. The task now is to rekindle them again. Will have to win it again now. Natalia, I will be very grateful to you if you advise me some strategies and tactics. And in general, if I could get your consultation at least via Skype, I think it would be very helpful.
    Thanks again!

    • Igor, in principle, everything is real. The tactic is simple, be better than yesterday. You have to try to hide your jealousy.
      Considering that your girlfriend is sick now, the obsession would be appropriate “to wish good night or good morning or not to write something affectionate or not to put a smiley face with a kiss, etc…”. When she recovers and becomes her former, strong, “turns on” coldness, then it will be necessary to “slow down” with courtship so as not to cause her irritability. And right now she needs care and attention, which she will not forget, even if it seems to you in the future that she did not appreciate it.
      We recommend to read:
      

People get acquainted, fall in love, meet each other, many then live together or get married - we are all familiar with this scheme for the development of relations between a man and a woman. And every time it seems that here it is - true love, exactly the one whose meaning they have been trying to understand for many years. But some time passes, people get used to each other, passions subside, and many begin to wonder if this is really love. Perhaps it is passion, love, or a banal habit. Or was it love, but it passed? How do you know that you don't love him? Let's try to figure this out together.

Love or Dislike: Defining Feelings

• When a girl loves, she accepts her chosen one for who he really is. During the period of falling in love, the guy always seems to be the best, the girl does not see the shortcomings of a person at all. Then, when the girl begins to get to know the guy better, his negative features are revealed to her (anyone has flaws). If after this the feelings disappear, then it was not love at all, but ordinary love. If feelings, despite all the shortcomings of the guy, do not go away, but intensify and strengthen every day, this means that you accept a real person and, most likely, love him. It is also important to remember that a loving girl will not seek to change a guy if he himself does not want to. If you are trying in every possible way to influence him so that he becomes the way you want him to be, then you do not love him.
• Many believe in love at first sight, but at the same time they say that love is a deep feeling based on the attraction of bodies, minds and souls, it touches the most hidden strings of the soul. It is hardly possible to fall in love at first sight, but it is easy to fall in love at first sight. If you still don’t know him well, you have no idea what and how this person lives, but you are strongly drawn to him, most likely, you just fell in love so far. How your feelings will develop further depends on you and on him. Love takes a long time to mature. To truly love means to know, understand and accept another person fully into your life, and this takes a lot of time. Often love arises between a guy and a girl who have been just friends for a long time and spent a lot of time together. If you know him long enough, you understand what this person is like, and your feelings for him grow stronger day by day, then you love.
• Often, when relationships become stable and predictable, many girls begin to think about whether this is really love, because there are no such vivid feelings anymore and it has become somehow boring. In this situation, to find out whether you love him or not, it is useful to be apart for a while. For example, you can spend your holidays separately. In separation, observe your feelings. If you miss him, often think about him and want to be there as soon as possible, then you love him. Here it is important not to confuse love with a habit. If you are attached to a person, then in separation you will feel very bad, experience negative emotions, nothing around will please, all thoughts are only about him. It's an emotional dependency. If you love, then apart from kindness and tenderness, you remember your loved one, you miss, but your emotions are of a bright nature and do not destroy you. If in separation you constantly feel relief from loneliness, you are not interested in how he is alone there and what he does, life around is much more interesting, then you do not love him. You can also imagine that this person is not in your life, that he just disappeared. What do you feel? If there is relief, indifference or joy, then you do not love, but if you do not even want to imagine such a situation, then you love the person.
• True love also implies that the lover wants to make the beloved happy, takes care of him, and is attentive to him. You love him if you strive to take an active part in his life, help, please, sometimes even in small things. You care about how he feels today, what he has been doing all day, whether everything is in order with him. If you are not at all interested in how he lives, what he does, is fond of, what he feels, etc., if there is a choice between egoistic desire and him, and you choose the first, then you do not love him.
• True love is inextricably linked with respect and a reverent attitude towards a loved one. A loving girl will never allow herself to speak sharply about the shortcomings of her beloved, to make fun of him, to strive to prove how good she is, and he is a complete zero, to criticize the guy in the presence of strangers. She respects his feelings, is tactful, understands what, when and how you can say, and what you can’t. If you don’t think at all about what and how you say to him during quarrels, disputes and criticism, you think only about yourself and your grievances, you allow yourself to be expressed in harsh terms towards him, to humiliate and insult him, then, of course, there is no love.
• Do you see this person in your future, do you take your relationship seriously? If it’s just fun for you to spend time together, you don’t know if you want to connect your future with him and whether you will even need him there, then this is not love.
• How else do you know if you love him or not? Are you attracted to other guys in terms of flirting and personal relationships? When a person loves, he does not need other partners than the beloved. If you are increasingly visited by thoughts about others, you think that you are not averse to starting a new relationship, then you do not love your boyfriend.
• When you love a person, you are not afraid to be yourself next to him. With a loved one, you don’t need to pretend to be someone, be afraid that you won’t be understood. You trust him and show your real self, because you know that you will be understood and accepted. If you cannot be yourself in a relationship with him, trust, open up to him, constantly trying to live up to some ideal that he may like, then this is not love.

By these signs, you can try to analyze your feelings for a guy. In general, deciding whether you love a guy or not is never rash, because you can mess things up. It is not necessary to break off relations after the first major quarrel or a period of cooling of feelings towards each other. Almost all couples go through this, and it's temporary. It is worth thinking about this question if it has been haunting you for quite a long time.

How to understand that a man really loves you? The opinion of a psychologist on this topic cannot be unambiguous, because all people are different and show their feelings in their own way.

Everyone has special features, as well as circumstances in which the interpretation of certain behavioral changes can be really twofold. On the other hand, there are certain nuances that answer the common female question “or not?”

In contact with

The opinion of psychologists regarding certain emotional states cannot be unambiguous. No self-respecting psychologist would dare to equate everyone with the same brush. Psychologists do not consider love to be a banal chemistry or an instinct for procreation. Their opinion converges on the fact that love as such is dictated by both internal impulses and social nuances, but is still based on something instinctive. Roughly speaking, a man loves, and society dictates how to love.

Psychologists believe that society imposes certain stereotypes of behavior on men. This also applies to expressions of love. Suppose a man is supposedly supposed to always be the initiator of a relationship. And there is also an opinion that he must certainly give the girl flowers if he loves her. And give some stupid toys, again, if he loves.

Psychologists have an opinion that the majority act according to such a pattern, even if it is against their nature. This is the original problem of understanding male feelings. If socially acceptable people disgust him, but he forces himself to follow them, this often looks ridiculous and insincere. Bottom line: the man is understood in a distorted way, and the woman intensively asks for advice from her friends and psychologists on the topic of the strange behavior of a young man.

How do men love?

Differently. Therefore, it is impossible to say unequivocally about how to understand that a man truly loves.

A woman, unfortunately, is quite often interested in some amorphous external manifestations, which usually turn out to be artificial.

Sweets, flowers, compliments and invitations to a restaurant are not signs that a man loves you, it's just the most banal and hackneyed type of courtship.

How to understand if a man loves you without knowing his individual characteristics? Psychologists are sure that something really special happens inside everyone.

1. There are men who love loudly. They cannot and do not consider it necessary to keep their feelings inside, therefore they begin to do really amazing things. If they love, they talk a lot and do a lot, for example, they can order auto covers for cars with your name. As a rule, they are extroverts.
2. Some men love in silence. They keep a feeling somewhere inside themselves, it inspires them. They do not need to notify everyone in a row that they love, they just need to feel it. They will always be able to really understand and listen to you, and they rarely lie when they love.

These are just examples, individual opinions. Someone jumps around and is in a euphoric state, while someone quietly radiates warmth from the inside. If you yourself really know a man, you are more likely to understand that he still loves you than psychologists from outside.

How to understand that this is really love for real?

If you wish, you can find thousands of instructions and opinions of psychologists on how to understand that a man loves you. Do they really work? Psychologists identify three categories of interaction between a man and a woman, by which you can try to understand if he loves.

deeds

Psychologists are sure that this is really the most important point, and not chatter and facial expressions. After all, it is logical.

How to understand that a man loves you and he needs you, if not by what he is doing towards you. What matters is what he does, not what he says or how.

To understand that a man truly loves, according to psychologists, his following habits will help:

• he keeps his word;
• he helps when needed;
• he is not trying to limit you;
• he really tries to understand you;
• he supports your undertakings and contributes to your further development as a person.

Non-verbal signs

Body language will not answer the question of how to understand whether a husband loves you or not. He can tentatively make it clear that he is interested in you or that he wants to fence himself off. Or indifference. But these signs will not give you the opportunity to really understand what a man has in his soul.

The following signs can really indicate his sympathy:

• dilated pupils;
• observing you during some general interaction with society (for example, when someone jokes, he subconsciously looks at your reaction);
• a sincere smile (with "smiling" eyes - "crow's feet" appear);
• hands in the area of ​​​​the belt (pockets, belt) - in this case, we can really talk about a specific sexual interest;
• an attempt to touch (for example, hug, remove a mote).

Talk

The conversation itself, the manner in which it is conducted and, in fact, its content, can make it clear that he loves you, only indirectly. Like non-verbal cues, communication can indicate liking and interest in a person, rather than that someone really loves someone. that love is a serious emotional state, and not a fleeting surge in the form of butterflies in the stomach.

According to psychologists, a man respects you and is really interested in you if:

• when speaking, he is sincere;
• the conversation started by him concerns your general topics;
• a man does not try to nullify a conversation about you.

How to check that he needs you?

The opinion of psychologists converges on one thing: if a person needs someone, then he cannot be called truly self-sufficient. Feeling flawed due to the absence of a person nearby is a sign of lack of independence and inability to occupy oneself with something.

Therefore, think a hundred times over whether you really want your young man to need you. The fact that he loves you does not mean that he feels an urgent need for you and cannot live without you.

In the question of how to understand that a man loves you, which usually women do not like. Why? Because this is not an accusation or an analysis of someone else, but the taking of responsibility. How to check if a man truly loves you?

No way. For sure - really not. Since of all the people in your environment you are really only responsible for yourself, psychologists offer to look at the root.

Psychologists believe that if you ask such a question, there are two options:

1. You have low self-esteem, which fuels your doubts about your own attractiveness in the eyes of your chosen one.
2. Somewhere inside you really understand that your actions, deeds, attitude itself, in the end, cannot contribute to love.

If we talk about self-confidence, here the opinion of psychologists is unambiguous and at the same time banal: if you start really taking care of yourself for yourself, your sense of self will change dramatically. You don’t have to do it for the sake of a man, for the same psychologist or for a page on a social network!

If your goal is to improve one or another of your facets, you will feel like a completely different person.

You will understand that there is no point in comparing yourself with others, as well as trying to be good for everyone. And questions like “How to understand if a man loves you or not?” you don't even want to type in the search bar. You won't need it. Psychologists believe that there really will be no doubts themselves.

The second option deserves a separate lecture from psychologists. The opinions of psychologists agree that women are often thrown into extremes in relation to the representatives of the stronger sex.

There is an opinion that there are two radical poles, when a woman is really convinced that she is right, but at the same time she behaves extremely destructively for relationships.

First pole:

• entertainers from the category “I am a woman, which means I am a goddess”;
• ladies who believe that everyone owes them simply because they are;
• hysterics who turn any substance into a scandal.

Second pole:

• ardent connoisseurs of the division of functions in life according to gender;
• amorphous amoeba, who hid their opinion in the deepest and ugliest chest, and now indulge others in everything (including a man);
• girls who look in love at their man and really see in him the meaning of their whole life.

Psychologists believe that if you have signs of one of these groups, it's time to really change something in yourself. If you decide to create new relationships or develop old ones, everything will most likely go according to the usual scenario, where you will turn out to be a misunderstood victim and will again be left with nothing.

Test

If you are interested in how to check if a man truly loves you, the test will not help. Of course, you can lie about being pregnant and see his reaction. You can flirt with other men in front of him.

But will this reaction of his be proof that he loves? And will your behavior towards a man be really honest? If not, is it possible after that to really demand a decent attitude from him?

The opinion of psychologists is that if you are really curious about his feelings, then the best “test” will be a human conversation, where you will find out everything for yourself. For the sake of interest, you can study here. She might be of some help to you.

Perhaps just using?

Well, yes, it's quite possible. If you look globally, then we all use each other. In most cases, of course, psychologists do not deny sincere altruism.

But! Agree, when someone “sacrifices himself”, then doesn’t he expect some kind of reaction from the outside? Psychologists believe that this is pure manipulation, which implies obtaining one's own benefit.

Think about it: do you use it too? Psychologists advise not to lie at least to yourself. If the honest answer to yourself is positive, don't be surprised if the use is mutual. There is an opinion that people around are really mirrors of ourselves, remember this.

If you diligently search the web for materials on how to understand whether your husband loves you or not, then:

• either there really are some precedents;
• or you are just bored, because you decided to organize a problem out of the blue.

The opinion of psychologists regarding the second option is unambiguous: in this case, you must first of all take care of yourself and your development, and not try to look for a catch in the behavior of your man. Therefore, let's talk about the first.

So, how to understand? If you really want to understand your man, there are approximate signs of his potentially materialistic behavior.

1. He only comes to you when he needs something.
2. He is not interested in your personal development, and he will require you to sacrifice something of his own for him.
3. He does not help you unless you ask him for it a hundred times and in addition promise something in return.
4. If you have any problems that really need to be addressed, he does not have time.

Useful video

The psychology of men in love and relationships is quite contradictory. On the one hand, he wants independence, and on the other, home comfort and attention. The video below should help a little to understand this:

Conclusion

1. The opinions of psychologists on this topic cannot be characterized in any specific way, because everyone expresses what is inside him in his own way.
2. Some recommend paying attention to peculiarities in conversation or body language.
3. But how to understand, if not by his actions? The way he behaves towards you speaks most eloquently about whether he loves or not.

Instruction

Analyze the feelings and emotions you are experiencing. At first, it will be quite difficult to do this, because he is overwhelmed with stormy positive emotions, he is in a state of euphoria, which can be abruptly replaced by longing if the feelings are not mutual, or something does not go the way you want.

Evaluate soberly, in what place for you the happiness and convenience of a partner. A man in love most often thinks about himself, that he is good with his beloved, but bad for him alone. Real strong feelings, unlike falling in love, make you think first of all about happiness, convenience, well-being of your loved one.

Notice how you behave when your partner has difficulties and problems. Are you always ready to help him, postponing important matters for later? A man in love is sometimes selfish. His euphoria is markedly reduced when problems arise, or a loved one needs help. Love is tested by trials, difficulties, problems that partners go through together.

Distance and time are excellent means of your feelings. This does not mean that you should stop communicating with the object of your feelings for no reason. But if a situation arises that he or you need to go far away for a while, do not be sad. Know that the real one will withstand any separation, and if feelings are superficial, then sooner or later they will subside even with frequent meetings.

Think about the sincerity of your feelings if you are overwhelmed with too violent emotions. This is especially true for young people. Sometimes it happens that, being rejected, young men fall into severe depression and even think about suicide. The reason for this is by no means unhappy love, but a far-fetched love, similar to intoxication. They don't die for true love, they live for it.

Try searching in your favorite . Even if you can't see them, they are still there, just like other people. Ask a loved one to help you with this. Falling in love with the fact that you do not see flaws in your partner. If you notice the negative traits of the second half, but are ready to put up with them and help correct them, then this indicates that you are experiencing stronger feelings.

Do not forget that love is not a feeling that does not need to be worked on. Love must be protected and kept, improving relations with a dear person. Love can be compared to working on yourself and on your feelings. If you are ready to connect your life with your loved one, accepting and respecting not only him, but also his relatives, his hobbies and hobbies, his strengths and weaknesses, then, we can congratulate you, you experience a deep, strong and ennobling soul feeling.