Family well-being in modern Russia: Genesis and practice Taradanov Alexander Ardalionovich. Family well-being and factors that determine it

MINISTRY OF EDUCATION AND SCIENCE OF THE RUSSIAN FEDERATION
GOU VPO "Novosibirsk State Pedagogical University"

PSYCHOLOGY FACULTY
Department of Personality Psychology and Special Psychology

Specialty: 031000

VOLKOVA OLGA BORISOVNA

COURSE WORK

SOCIO-PSYCHOLOGICAL CONDITIONS OF FAMILY WELL-BEING

SCIENTIFIC ADVISER:
Candidate of Psychology, Associate Professor of the Department of Psychology
personality and special psychology
(position title, title)
Shelepanova N.V.
(full name, signature)

WORK RESERVED
"_____" _______________ 2011

GRADE _____________________

NOVOSIBIRSK, 2011

Introduction
The family is the oldest institution of human interaction, a unique phenomenon. Its uniqueness lies in the fact that several people interact in the closest way for a long time. The joint life of people constantly creates situations of divergence of interests, necessitates mutual concessions and compromises. Family relationships are potentially endowed with high conflict content, but it is marital relationships that potentially contain the possibility of the greatest emotional satisfaction.
The problem of the quality of family relations, the achievement of their well-being and stability is currently central in family psychology. Its significance is determined, first of all, by the fact that in the realities of our difficult, crisis time, a person especially needs to find a stable, harmonious, happy union with another person, preserving it for a long time. However, there are many "blank spots" in the study of the problem of marital well-being. Most authors do not have a clear definition of concepts, the terminology used is blurred (the same phenomenon is called differently). So, speaking about the quality of marriage, psychologists refer to the concepts of “success”, “stability”, “harmony”, “well-being”, “maturity”, “mental health”, “marriage satisfaction”, etc. At the same time, very often there are due to identical characteristics. There are no clear criteria for differentiation. Often the well-being of a marriage and the subjective satisfaction of spouses are considered as identical.
Information about the factors associated with the quality of marriage is currently accumulated abound. But one should pay attention to the lack of a clear classification of these factors. Most of both domestic and foreign authors explore one or more factors, but do not consider them as a whole.
The purpose of this work- on the basis of a theoretical analysis of scientific data on the problem of the quality of marriage, to present their concept of family well-being of relationships and the content of the system of conditions affecting it.
Object of study- relationships in the family, described in modern psychological domestic and foreign literature.
Subject of study- social and psychological conditions of family well-being.
The objectives of the study are:

Define the concept of family and analyze the term.

Consider family models and types of family well-being.

To study the social and psychological conditions of family well-being.

Structuring research methods of socio-psychological conditions of interpersonal relationships in the family.

Research hypothesis- family well-being is primarily related to how psychologically compatible family members are with each other.
The novelty of the work lies in the structural analysis of the concept of the family, on the basis of which formed research methods of socio-psychological conditions of family well-being.

1. The psychological essence of the concept of family well-being

1.1. The concept of family in domestic and foreign psychological literature

The problem of the formation, stability of the family is one of the main problems of modern society. Family, family relations, marital relations have been and remain the object of study of various sciences: philosophy, psychology, pedagogy, sociology, demography and many others. Such attention to the family, its formation and disintegration, is due to its great importance as a social institution that determines not only the way of life of people, but also the quality of offspring, the health of the nation and the state, as well as the ever-growing relevance of the social order, because the strengthening of family destabilization is noted by almost all problem researchers. It should be noted that support and care for the family is the most important direction of the social policy of the Russian Federation. Actualization of family problems leads to the development and implementation of comprehensive programs aimed at social, psychological, and medical support for families. One of the problems in the development of such programs arises due to the lack of a unified psychological concept, a unified theoretical approach to the family and the processes taking place in it, mechanisms that ensure its stability and stability.
The theoretical analysis of psychological scientific works devoted to marital relations and the family makes it possible to single out two directions that allow us to approach the understanding of the family as a psychological phenomenon and the mechanisms of its functioning.
Within one of the directions, the family is studied as a small group. Almost all studies in this area relate to social psychology. In the works of researchers who consider the family as a small group, there is a fairly clear tendency to expand the understanding of the family and the processes taking place in it, to determine the features that distinguish the family from other small groups.
In studies of this approach, one can single out a tendency to consider the family as a social, cultural community based on the presence of some identity of values, as well as the similarity of the life positions of the spouses in their relationship with the world.
Another direction gives us the opportunity to study the family as a system. Much of the research on the family as a system is noted in various models of psychotherapy. At the same time, there are studies of the family as a system and within the framework of social psychology. So E. V. Antonyuk, Yu. E. Aleshina and L. Ya. Gozman propose to move away from the search for the leading activity of the family to the consideration of the system of family life. Thus, researchers deepen their understanding of the family, recognizing its systemic organization (although in these studies - only in the system of activities). O. S. Sermyagina also notes the methodological importance of studying the family as an integral phenomenon.
The most common direction in psychotherapy, which considers the family as a system, is family systemic psychotherapy, or S. Kratochvil's "family systems approach". The system family approach, based on the general theory of systems, borrows from this theory two main provisions:
1) the whole is greater than the sum of its parts;
2) all parts and processes of the whole mutually influence and mutually condition each other.
Within the framework of family psychotherapy, such terms and concepts as "border", "subsystems", "open family system", "closed family system", the principles of the functioning of the family as a system - the principle of development and the principle of homeostasis - appear. Using the totality of these concepts, psychotherapists are trying to determine the basic principles, mechanisms and laws that underlie the stable, sustainable functioning of marital relations.
So, for example, within the framework of the structural theory of S. Minukhin, the concepts of subsystems and boundaries were developed and applied. S. Minukhin distinguishes the following subsystems: the subsystem of a married couple, the subsystem of parents, the subsystem of children (siblings). The inclusion of a family member in a subsystem (subsystem) imposes on him the need to perform certain roles. Subsystems appear gradually in the process of family life. The matrimonial subsystem appears first after marriage, the second - after the birth of a child - the subsystem of parents appears, and the subsystem of children appears with the appearance of the second and subsequent children. The allocation of subsystems allows S. Minukhin to more clearly identify the internal and external ties of the family.
According to S. Minukhin and other psychotherapists, with the help of the concept of a boundary, it is possible to formulate rules that determine the level and type of allowed contacts. Boundaries regulate relationships between systems, and at the same time within them. The concept of border is closely related to the concept of openness. In an effectively functioning family, according to systemic therapists, all subsystems exist relatively independently, while at the same time, it is assumed that there are open channels of communication between them. Applying this knowledge of boundaries and subsystems, researchers distinguish between open and closed family systems.
Open systems have information channels with the outside world, as well as channels of interaction between family members, which allows the family to be dynamic and rebuild in accordance with the processes occurring inside or affecting it from the outside. Such openness and mobility of the family system contribute to the personal growth of each family member. A closed system is, from the position of V. Satir, a family isolated from external influences, in which all family roles are rigidly fixed and methods of responding to internal and external changes are rigidly defined. D. Freeman draws attention to the fact that a limited number of families are closed, incapable of independent problem solving and having limited internal resources and potential.
The above concepts, as well as family systemic psychotherapy in general, allow you to focus on the features of the interaction of family members, as well as highlight the features of the interaction of the family with the outside world.
However, the person himself, included in the family, "falls out" of the attention of psychotherapists-researchers.
It is this problem that psychotherapists are trying to overcome by considering such a concept as a “differentiated family member” - that person who is characterized by a high degree of independence, independence, the presence of deeper and more comprehensive interpersonal relationships than others (M. Bowen's theory). V. Satir says that people with high self-esteem create around themselves an atmosphere of love, purity, honesty, responsibility, compassion, which, in turn, is the key to a successful family, while family members in dysfunctional families have low self-esteem.
However, these attempts do not give a final answer to the questions of how the formation of marital relations takes place, which is the basis for the unity of family members, which ensures the stability of the family over time and the success of its functioning.
It should be noted that a family is a voluntary union of two people who have a unique life experience, a kind of complex of personal characteristics, a special life position and worldview.
Therefore, the family must be considered as a system, the functioning of which will depend on the people who make it up.
Summarizing the selected characteristics, we see the direction of changes not only, or rather, not so much in the functioning of the family, but the desire to transfer the family system into a mode of conscious movement according to the internal trend of the system, i.e. to be aware of the presence of various trends in the evolution of the system (A. N. Averyanov , M. R. Ginzburg, A. V. Klochko, E. N. Knyazeva, S. P. Kurdyumov), “the ambiguity of the passage into the future” (E. N. Knyazeva, S. P. Kurdyumov), the ability to build the present through the future (M.R. Ginzburg, A.V. Klochko, E.N. Knyazeva, S.P. Kurdyumov). It is the conscious desire of the spouses to interact in a mode of constant development, relying in this development on common family values, that makes it possible to ensure the stability of the family system in the process of its change. Then we see the role of family psychotherapy in solving the question of how to help the family in understanding their own development trends and finding a way to “lead” the family onto the path of the existing internal trend in the development of the family as a system.

1.2. Family patterns and structure
Various family models are known, the specifics of which depend on the stage of development of society, the nature of national and religious traditions.
A.K. Dzagkoev identifies traditional and modern (modernized) family models.
The traditional family has existed for several thousand years and exists today in many pre-industrial societies. The transition to the modernized type can take quite a long time, inconsistently, therefore, in a number of models of modern families there are more or less significant elements of traditionalism.
The traditional family is characterized by the following features:

strict segregation of socio-gender roles and functions associated with stereotyped activities;

patriarchal (more rarely - matriarchal) hierarchy with the consolidation of the power of the householder over the property, activities, and sometimes the life of the household, with the subordinate position of dependent family members;

a complex family structure with several generations of married couples living together in the same household with their children;

the concentration of all vital functions (productive, economic, educational, reproductive, household) in the family, the participation of all household members in their performance, the involvement of women exclusively in domestic employment;

the basically unlimited nature of reproductive behavior, the birth rate at the level of natural fertility, the condemnation of all measures to limit childbearing and even sometimes punishment for them.

For the modernized family model, according to A.K. Dzagkoev, the following is typical:

blurring of boundaries between social and gender roles, variability in the performance of family functions, including those associated with structural incompleteness or deformation of the family (a family with one parent, a family consisting of grandparents and grandchildren without a middle generation, etc.);

predominantly nuclear type of family, consisting of one pair of parents and their minor children. This process can be expressed in “chicks flying out of the nest”, that is, the separation of children from their parents after graduation and their independent living, as is customary in a number of Western cultures, or in the separation of a newly formed young family from their parents, as was recently customary in our country. country;

a symmetrical model of the family, in which a man and a woman have equal rights in the management of family funds, the upbringing of children, and the solution of all other issues;

professional employment of all adult able-bodied family members, permanent work of women outside the home, motivated not only by the need for additional income, but also by the desire of women for self-realization, success, recognition;

functional differentiation of the life of the family in society, the division of functions between the family and numerous other institutions;

regulated nature of reproductive behavior, declining birth rates. Family planning is becoming a generally recognized type of reproductive behavior, an integral part of a socially responsible procreative ethic.

E.G. Eidemiller and V.V. Yustitsky distinguish distinctive features characteristic of families living in Russia:
1) The patriarchal family is preserved, that is, a family consisting of several generations.
2) The boundaries between subsystems are diffuse, poorly structured, power in the family often belongs to the grandparents.
3) In many families in several generations there are no men, just as they are absent in many public institutions - kindergartens, schools, universities, hospitals, clinics, some firms and banks, where women are the main characters.
4) Several generations depend on each other not only spiritually, but also financially: young families live either in communal apartments, or together with their parents and grandparents, without the hope of acquiring their own housing.
5) The ideology of a totalitarian society has formed a rigid system of coercion and duty. Because of this, life, behavior, spiritual values were reminiscent of those eras when a person forgot about his own "I", about his desires and needs, building his behavior in such a way that it was pleasing to God, or the feudal lord, or the state.
6) The destruction of the old ideology and the absence of a new one, which would help unite and gain a sense of belonging and security, led to an increased need in society for illusions, "miracles", etc. As a result of the difficult financial situation and the lack of moral values “family breaks up easily, and children find themselves on the street, becoming easy prey for criminal elements”, the level of mutual aggression in the family has increased.
In addition to traditional and modern family models, there are others. So, for example, sociologists distinguish such families as:
1. Nuclear family - consists of parents and children, unites only two generations. Today it is the most common structure in Western society.
2. Extended family - also includes relatives (grandparents, grandchildren, sisters, brothers), as well as people who are close for one reason or another.
3. A complete family - corresponds to a nuclear family if it includes a father, mother and child / children.
4. Incomplete family - if one of the parents is absent. Allocate an additional category - the so-called functionally incomplete family. This includes families with two parents, but professional or other reasons leave them little time to raise children;
5. Large family - a group of blood relatives of different generations, living in one place and headed by the figure of a patriarch or matriarch. Found in agrarian societies; families of this type have common ownership of land, livestock and means of production.
6. Family-yard - also characteristic of agrarian societies of the past. In this case, a family living in one place unites several generations. In addition, family members are people who are not related by blood, such as servants and employees, who together form both a social and economic community.
The family is a natural group; stereotypes of interactions arise in it over time. These stereotypes create a family structure that determines the functioning of its members, outlining the range of their behavior and facilitating interpersonal contacts between them. This or that viable family structure is quite significant both for the full performance of its main functions, and for solving personally significant tasks - to maintain individuality, while at the same time creating a sense of belonging to the whole.
Family structure is one of the basic concepts used in describing family interaction. This term is the key one in the structural theory of the family by S. Minukhin: “the family is something more than the individual biopsychodynamics of its members. The interaction of family members is subject to certain patterns that govern their transactions. These patterns are usually not formulated explicitly or are not even realized, but they form a whole - the structure of the family. The reality of the structure is a reality of a different order than the reality of the individual members.
The structure of the family includes the numerical and personal composition of its members, as well as the totality of family roles and various relationships between them (marital relations, parent-child relations, spouses and their parents, relations between children, relations between grandparents and their grandchildren). It is important to know who each of the family members considers to be a member, because it is not uncommon for family members to disagree on who is included in it. This concerns, first of all, the boundaries of the family and who is physically or psychologically present in this family system. The solution of this problem is especially important for divorced families and those who have remarried.
The structure of the family includes sets of conscious and unconscious rules that determine the interaction in the family. For this mechanism to work (the rules were followed, the behavior was predicted), a support system is needed, which consists of two parts.
The first is a hierarchical system based on the authority of parents, which is always and everywhere higher than the authority of children. The second is family complementary (complementary) roles: for example, one of the parents is more reasonable, and the other is more emotional.
Hierarchy and roles are not always clearly understood, but they must necessarily be interconnected and complementary. If this is not the case, the family ceases to function, actually breaks up.
As structural elements of the family as a system, marital, parental, sibling and individual subsystems are distinguished, which are local, differentiated sets of family roles that allow the family to perform certain functions and ensure its vital activity.
Observing the interaction of family members, one can draw a conclusion about its hypothetical structure, which is a kind of family topography, a quasi-spatial cut of the family system.
The relationship between the structural elements of the family system is characterized by the following parameters (properties): cohesion, hierarchy, flexibility, external and internal boundaries, role structure of the family. Some authors cite cohesion and hierarchy as key dimensions of structure.
Cohesion (connection, cohesion, emotional closeness, emotional distance) can be defined as the psychological distance between family members. In relation to family systems, this concept is used to describe the degree of intensity of relations in which family members still perceive themselves as a connected whole.
D. Olson identifies four levels of cohesion and, accordingly, four types of families:
1. Disunited (low degree of cohesion of family members, relations of alienation).
2. Separated (some emotional distance of family members).
3. Connected (emotional closeness of family members, loyalty in relationships).
4. Confused (the level of cohesion is too high, the degree of differentiation of family members is low). Balanced and providing the most optimal family functioning are divided and connected levels of cohesion.
Hierarchy characterizes the relationship of dominance-submission in the family. However, the term "hierarchy" cannot be limited to this simple definition, since it includes the characteristics of various aspects of family relations: authority, dominance, the degree of influence of one family member on others, the power to make decisions. The concept of "hierarchy" is also used in the study of changes in the structure of roles and rules within the family.
One of the most typical violations of the family structure for this parameter is the inversion of the hierarchy (inverted hierarchy). With such family dysfunction, the child acquires more power than even one of the parents has. At the macrosystem level, this phenomenon manifests itself in a situation where the determining position in the upbringing of children is occupied by grandmothers (grandfathers), and not by immediate parents. In nuclear families, hierarchy inversion is often seen in the presence of:

intergenerational coalition (coalition between a child and a parent against the other parent);

chemical dependence of one or both parents;

illness or disability of one or both parents;

disease or symptomatic behavior in a child, due to which he acquires excessive influence in the family and regulates marital relationships.

A violation of the hierarchy in the sibling subsystem may look like its excessive hierarchization or, conversely, the absence of a hierarchical structure in it.
Flexibility - the ability of the family system to adapt to changes in the external and intra-family situation. To function effectively, families need an optimal combination of intra-family changes with the ability to keep their characteristics stable. Family systems that are not balanced in terms of flexibility are characterized by rigidity or chaos.
The family system becomes rigid when it ceases to respond to the life tasks that arise before it in connection with the passage of the stages of the life cycle. At the same time, the family loses the ability to change and adapt to a new situation for it. There is a tendency to limit negotiations, most decisions are imposed by the leader. According to D. Olson, a system often becomes rigid when it is overly hierarchical.
A system in a chaotic state has unstable or limited guidance. Decisions made in the family are often impulsive and ill-considered. Roles are unclear and often shift from one family member to another.
Family structure, like marriage, is a momentary indicator recorded during censuses or special surveys of the population. Therefore, it is possible to give an idea of the family structure of the population only on the basis of census or survey data. At the same time, the practice of demographic statistics singles out families according to the following criteria:

family size (number of members).

family type (nuclear, complex, complete, incomplete).

number of children in the family: small families - 1-2 children (not enough for natural growth); medium-sized families - 3-4 children (sufficient for small-scale reproduction, as well as for the emergence of intra-group dynamics); large families - 5 or more children (much more than is necessary to replace generations).

1.3. Classification and types of family well-being

Let us analyze how analogues of the concept of marital well-being are considered in the psychological literature, as well as the content of the factors that determine it.
Yu.B. Aleshina, in studying the quality of marital relations, is guided by the concept of satisfaction with marriage, which she interprets as a subjective assessment, the attitude of spouses to their own marriage.
O. Kernberg believes that the high quality of marriage is associated with a high level of marital adaptability, adequate communication of spouses, a high level of marital happiness, integration, and a high degree of relationship satisfaction.
In foreign literature, P. Kutter's definition of marriage success is used: the success of a marriage is assessed by the degree to which it achieves the goals of marriage set by individuals.
Savinov L.I. speaking about the success of marriage, he identifies the following components: the nature and degree of fulfillment of social functions and individual functions; the degree of satisfaction of the spouses with the relationship; degree of marriage stability (subjective assessment of the likelihood of divorce); the degree and nature of the influence of the family on the development of the personality of each of its members.
Sysenko V.A. Marriage stability is defined as the degree of optimal functioning of the family structure.
Kharchev A.G. determines the quality of marital relations through the concept of psychological health of the family.
Klyapets O., when compiling a typology of families, relies on the criterion of harmony, which she considers as the mental well-being of family members, which ensures the regulation of behavior in communication and activities.
Trofimova Yu.V. , which substantiates the understanding of the family as a self-organizing system, emphasizes the importance of the consistency of spouses' values.
Family well-being is understood as the achievement of marital integration with the full development of the personality of both spouses and ensuring their subjective well-being. This approach captures the objective (marital integration) and subjective (subjective well-being of spouses) aspects of marital relations.
Marital integration is the unity of two personalities that develop and realize themselves in the process of marital interaction. It presupposes, firstly, the consistency of all processes of the joint life of the spouses and, secondly, marital compatibility. Marital compatibility is the effect of communication, which is characterized by the maximum possible satisfaction with relationships, a sense of unity, integrity of the couple. Compatibility does not presuppose the presence of an obligatory similarity, but mutual understanding of the spouses in all areas of the event and is a dynamic, not a static phenomenon.
Marital integration leads to a solution to the problem of existential dichotomy, because in healthy, fully functioning, prosperous families, both spouses optimally combine two tendencies of the event - the tendency of closeness, unity with a significant other and the tendency to be separate (differentiated), personally identical.
The well-being of marital relations gives rise to subjective well-being, which, according to Shamionov R.M., expresses the spouse’s own attitude to his personality, life and processes, which are important from the point of view of the acquired normative ideas about the external and internal environment and are characterized by a sense of satisfaction.
Satisfaction with relationships, or a sense of subjective well-being in the family, occurs when the quality of interaction suits each of the spouses. It is then that the event becomes a stable connection of independent individuals, sensitively reacting to changes in the relationship between them.

2. Socio-psychological conditions of family well-being

2.1. Social conditions of family well-being

Let us consider the influence of some important social factors of satisfaction with family life.
Influence of housing conditions. Today it is obvious that the well-known saying “with a sweetheart and a paradise in a hut” does not work today. In modern conditions, the quality of housing conditions significantly affects the nature of interpersonal family relationships, and satisfaction with marriage.
So, according to the results of a survey conducted by Tasheva A.I. in 2008, the happiest were families with good living conditions. With an average “happiness” indicator of 44.6% in the group of respondents with good housing conditions, this indicator increased to 58.4%. At the same time, the total share of unhappy families in this group was 5.8%, which is less than the average.
In the group of respondents with poor housing conditions, the proportion of happy families decreased relative to the average to 36.8%, while the proportion of "unhappy families" almost doubled compared to the same average and amounted to 13.6%.
The share of “conflict” families with satisfactory housing conditions noticeably exceeded the share of “conflict” families with good housing conditions.
The housing problem was also acute in Soviet times. But, in general, Soviet people highly appreciated the quality of their living conditions:

44% of respondents in 1982 rated their living conditions as "good",

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1. Factors of family well-being

Place and situation of acquaintance of young people;

first impressions of each other (positive, negative)

socio-demographic characteristics of those entering into marriage;

duration of the courtship period;

the initiator of the marriage proposal: boy, girl, parents, others;

the time of considering the marriage proposal;

marriage status;

age of the future couple;

parents and the attitude of the latter to the marriage of their children;

dynamic and characterological features of the spouses;

family relationships with siblings.

It has been established that they have a beneficial effect on marital relations: acquaintance at work or in an educational institution; mutual positive first impression; courtship period from one to one and a half years; the initiative of the marriage proposal on the part of the man; acceptance of the proposal after a short deliberation (up to two weeks); accompaniment of marriage registration with a wedding celebration.

Manifestation of a direct or indirect initiative of marriage on the part of a woman (forced or provoked). First of all, we are talking about pregnancy. Studies have shown that the probability of family breakup with premarital pregnancy is about 2 times higher compared to other situations. This can be explained by the fact that, firstly, premarital pregnancy disrupts the process of adaptation of the bride and groom to marriage. From the normal course of development of relations between a man and a woman, the most important stage in the development of the family practically falls out - the development of new marital roles for oneself. Young people immediately "jump" to the next stage of family life, associated with the birth and upbringing of a child. Secondly, the appearance of a child sharply exacerbates economic problems, causing frequent conflicts, tension in marital relationships, and provokes a decision to divorce.

The age of the future couple. This applies to those young people who are in a hurry or are forced for various reasons to get married right after school. At the age of 18, a girl, as a rule, is able to become a mother, her body is fully formed, she has already graduated from school and has decided on her future life. But at this age, and even more so earlier, it is hardly worth rushing to get married. The most acceptable time for marriage, according to psychologists, sociologists, is 22-23 years. Female beauty reaches its peak, by this time studies have been completed, a profession has been obtained.

A man is also hardly worth getting married at 16-18 years old. The male body matures later than the female: up to 25 years, bones and muscles will grow, character and temperament will be formed. In addition, marriage is the beginning of a regular sexual life, often an unbearable burden for a weak male body, and it wears out prematurely. Material problems and difficulties of everyday life are added - an 18-19-year-old husband may experience deep disappointment in family life. Early marriage is not for everyone, but socially determined people, mature individuals should not postpone its conclusion for a long time.

In recent years, there has been a tendency to "growing up" the age of marriage. More and more young people are trying to get an education, a profession, to have material wealth and living conditions, and therefore they consider the age after 25-27 years to be optimal for marriage. However, it has been empirically proven that late age at marriage is also a premarital "risk" factor.

It should also be noted such a factor as the relationship of young people with brothers and sisters. There is a concept of duplication of the properties of brothers and sisters, according to which a person strives in new social ties, which include the marital union, to realize his relationship with brothers and sisters. More stable and successful marriages are observed in cases where relationships between partners are built on exactly this principle, of course, taking into account gender. In this sense, marital relations can be complementary (mutually complementary), if, for example, the husband had a younger sister, and the wife had an older brother. Complementary relationships - if both spouses were either older or younger in the parental family (quarrels may occur in a married couple over the distribution of power - which of them should be the main, eldest, and who is the youngest), and also if one or both partners had only brothers or sisters. A special place is occupied by young people who had neither a brother nor a sister: they had only one model in their family - parental marriage.

The determinants of problems in the future may also be behavior patterns of young people taken from the parental family. There is a concept of duplicating parent properties. A person learns male and female roles to a large extent from his parents and unconsciously uses the model of parental relations in his family, sometimes regardless of whether he likes it or not. That is why psychologists recommend visiting the parental family of the chosen one more often in the premarital period, this will help to get to know the future spouse more deeply.

Analyzing the specifics of the premarital period, it is necessary to note such a phenomenon as the idealization of a partner, which can also negatively affect interpersonal communication before marriage and in marital relations.

There are different points of view on the role of partner idealization in the premarital period.

1. Idealization unreasonably raises expectations for a partner and for interaction with him. The realization that the real person with whom the interaction takes place does not correspond to the idealized image, plays a destructive role, leads to deep dissatisfaction with the partner, oneself, relationships in general, and if one is unable or unwilling to establish interaction taking into account a more real image of the partner, it leads to the disintegration of relations.

2. According to A. Maslow, self-actualized personalities, i.e. those who have reached the highest level of development, the level of realization of their potentialities, the most pronounced ability to love and be loved. Their love is characterized by complete spontaneity and naturalness. Idealization is not characteristic of them at all (humanistic psychology).

3. The idealization of a partner is a stimulus for the development of his personality, defines for him a certain "zone of proximal development", i.e. as if indicating what he can become (constructive point of view).

However, we tend to attribute partner idealization to premarital risk factors, along with early or late age at marriage, romantic relationships, superficiality and short duration of communication, absence of siblings, and so on.

Analysis of the specifics of the premarital period allows us to formulate its functions:

accumulation of joint impressions and experiences. At this stage, a kind of emotional potential for future family life is created, a reserve of feelings that will allow you to more successfully and less “painfully” adapt to it;

deeper recognition of each other and, in parallel, clarification and verification of the decision made about the possibility of family life;

family life design. This moment, as a rule, is not considered by future spouses or is not realized by them. Most psychologists rightly point out that information exchange between partners is necessary on such issues as value orientations and life plans; biography details; ideas about marriage; role expectations and claims; reproductive systems, etc.

2. Making the decision to get married

marriage family motivation

The most significant for the premarital period is the motivation for marriage. Decision-making is often polymotivated, such motives can be distinguished: love, duty, spiritual closeness, material calculation, psychological compliance, moral considerations.

Any of them can be the leader, but young people most often put love in the first place.

Within the framework of psychological science, a systematic analysis of the problems of love began in the 40s. 20th century The first writings about love were mostly theoretical, nowadays there is much more empirical research.

In the philosophical encyclopedia, the concept of love is defined as a moral and aesthetic feeling, expressed in a disinterested and selfless striving for its object. The specific content of this feeling, from the point of view of philosophers, is selflessness, self-giving and the spiritual closeness that arises on this basis.

Psychologists consider love to be a selective attitude towards a representative of the opposite sex as a unique holistic person. The focus on the object of love should not be one-sided, selfish and involves identifying oneself with the object of love, replacing "I" with "we" (but without losing one's individuality).

In modern psychology, there are models of love that are conventionally divided into "pessimistic" and "optimistic".

Theorists of the pessimistic direction emphasize the moment of the lover's dependence on the object of his love and the connection of love with negative experiences, primarily with the fear of love. Love, according to the authors of "pessimistic" models, makes a person anxious and dependent, hinders his personal development. One partner, as it were, "dissolves" in the other, losing his individuality. In such a pair, there is no replacement of “I” with “we”. In extreme cases, love can be a symptom of a personality pathology.

"Optimistic" models of love are associated with the concept of A. Maslow and other representatives of humanistic psychology

Love in these models is characterized by the removal of anxiety and complete psychological comfort. The cornerstone of "optimistic" models is the idea of the lover's independence from the object of love, which is combined with a positive attitude towards him. According to the theorists of the "optimistic" direction, such love makes people happy and provides opportunities for personal growth.

How does love arise? L.M. Pankova identifies three stages of love.

The first is interest, sympathy, attraction. We say: "I like him (she)". This is quite enough for the first approximation, for the appearance of friendship between a boy and a girl. These relationships can be long, unspoken, romantic or everyday, but they are always very pleasant, cheer up, although so far they do not oblige to anything. When there is a person who likes you and who likes you, the vitality rises, personal actions for self-improvement are activated.

The second is admiration, enthusiasm, love, passion. These feelings already create a certain tension and intensity, they always excite, but tire, knock out of the rhythm, require their permission. It is difficult for a person to live in a state of passionate excitement. Passion must either be extinguished or be satisfied. If the feelings of one are warmed up and encouraged by the other, the possibility of turning the friendly relations of sympathetic men and women into a love affair becomes a reality. Further, everything depends on upbringing, culture, volitional components, moral success, etc., that is, on the personality itself.

The third is worship, respect, devotion. You can experience passion as an obsession, but you cannot love without respecting a person. At this stage, love leads a man and a woman to make a decision about marriage.

Love that has gone through all three phases of development is an individual feeling for life.

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4. Psychological factors of the well-being of the modern family

Researchers of the modern family distinguish several factors of marital well-being:

Psychobiological compatibility is the main factor influencing well-being in the family. It includes mutual respect, mutual attraction, readiness of spouses for family life, duty and responsibility, self-control and flexibility, etc. In this regard, it should be noted that frequent divorces in modern families can be explained by the unwillingness of spouses to marry, the inability of men to bear responsibility for the family, because the age of marriage has become much younger, and the reasons for entering into marriage have changed;

· Education. Numerous studies show that higher education does not always improve the stability of family relationships. But most researchers are inclined to believe that the level of intelligence of partners should not differ significantly. Marriage can exist in a patriarchal or close to it form, if the husband has a higher education than the wife, but if the intelligence and education of the wife is higher than that of the husband, this is a problematic marriage;

· Labor stability. There is an opinion that people who often change jobs are distinguished by their inability to establish long-term relationships, which affects not only work, but also family relationships;

· Age. The most optimal period for marriage is considered to be the age of a girl - 20 years, boys - 24 years. Early marriage implies unpreparedness for married life, lack of life experience to create a family. A later marriage entails a longer process of adaptation of the spouses to each other, because. character and way of life are already more formed and stable;

duration of dating. A short period of courtship cannot show future spouses in different life situations. Therefore, with a short acquaintance, the spouses run the risk of recognizing each other, already being married, where all the personal qualities and weaknesses of the partners’ character that have not been seen until this moment are manifested.

All these factors determine psychological compatibility or incompatibility in the family. Psychological compatibility - "mutual acceptance of partners in communication and joint activities, based on the optimal combination - similarity or complementarity - value orientations, personal and psychophysiological characteristics" .

Psychological incompatibility is “the inability to understand each other in critical situations.”

Psychological compatibility / incompatibility is determined by the following criteria

· The emotional side of marital relations, the degree of affection;

· The similarity of the ideas of the spouses about themselves, about the partner, about the world as a whole;

Similarity of models of communication of partners and behavioral features;

· Sexual and psychophysiological compatibility of partners;

· The general cultural level, the degree of mental and social maturity of the spouses, the coincidence of value systems.

In the process of adaptation to each other, the listed criteria may change, with the exception of values and psychophysiological characteristics. Therefore, these two criteria are of the greatest importance in assessing the psychological compatibility or incompatibility of partners.

A good family is the most important prerequisite for a fulfilling life for the vast majority of Russian women; a good family is the basis for a prosperous life for women. But what should a family be like for a woman to consider her family life happy?

Specialists from the Institute of Social and Psychological Research of the Russian Academy of Sciences conducted a survey of modern women about how they imagine a happy family. According to the results of the survey, a happy family in the understanding of Russian women is a family based on love. 87.3% of women who consider their family happy were sure that they had already met their true love. And it is no coincidence that 75.8% of women in this group are convinced that a love marriage is stronger than a marriage of convenience, while among those who no longer hope to create a happy family, only half of the respondents think so. Moreover, true love for Russian women is not so much a romantic feeling as it gives stability and reliability to life.

The next mandatory component of a happy family is children. Moreover, their number is not so important, but the very fact of their presence. 46.2% of all happy families had one minor child, 19.4% - two, 2.0% - three or more, in 6.0% of cases in these families there were both minors and already grown children, and in 13 3% are already adult children. At the same time, the share of childless happy families was only 13.1%, although the share of childless families in the total array of respondents was 34.6%. However, the inverse relationship does not work - having children in itself is not enough for women to consider their family happy. Only half of all women with children considered their family happy.

The third feature of families that women consider happy is an officially registered marriage. Among women who are officially married, 69.0% considered their family happy. At the same time, among those women who were in a civil marriage, only 40.2% were able to say this about their family, and the presence of a permanent partner was not considered at all by women as a family - only 5.3% of women from this group believed that they have a happy family. Almost 80% of them hoped that it was still in the future for them. The same hope was shared by almost 40% of women who were in a civil marriage.

As for the other characteristics of what a typical happy family should look like, the picture is far from romanticism. If the ideal man for a woman is, first of all, such a man who is able to provide protection from the outside world, then a happy family is a family in which a woman feels “behind her husband” as if not behind a “stone wall”, then at least behind some kind of back, and where the husband creates the basis for the material well-being of the family. In any case, in the families of 56.5% of women who believed that they managed to create a happy family, the well-being of the family was determined mainly by the earnings of the husband, which is much more than in other families. Given the psychological pressure under which Russian women live today, as well as the range and nature of the problems they face in their daily lives, this can hardly be surprising.

We add that if there is not enough money in the family, then earning money in happy families is also the destiny of a man rather than a woman. And although someone has to earn extra money in three-quarters of such families, 40.1% of men and only 16.0% of women are engaged in earning extra money (in 14.6% of cases, both have to do this). In all other families, women bear a noticeably greater burden in terms of earnings. Moreover, it was found that in families where the relationship between husband and wife is good, a low level of material well-being is more easily tolerated, and dissatisfaction with them is lower.

For modern women, equality of rights with a man is more important than headship in the family or the fact that it has more rights - 70.2% of women from happy families believed that they have equal rights with a man, and only 9.6% - that they have more rights ( 15.8% believed that men have more rights, while the rest found it difficult to answer this question

Among the causes of conflicts in families, women named the following (Table 1):

Table 1. Opinion of women about what leads to conflicts in the family, in %

What most often leads to conflicts in the family	Married	Divorced	Civil marriage	Single, but has a permanent partner
Disagreements in the upbringing and education of children	28,0	15,6	15,2	2,6
Character incompatibility	13,1	15,6	13,4	24,7
Financial difficulties	43,3	33,3	33,9	22,1
Relationship problems with husband's parents or husband with parents	17,9	8,9	21,4	2,6
Husband spends little time with family	15,8	7,4	16,1	5,2
Cheating, jealousy	4,3	11,1	8,0	7,8
Differences over what should be spent on the money in the first place	12,2	4,4	12,5	9,1
Problems in sexual relations with husband	3,7	4,4	6,3	1,3
Drunkenness, drug addiction	15,8	14,1	21,4	7,8
Disagreements about the choice of circle of communication	6,7	5,9	13,4	18,2
Differences in the intellectual and cultural level of spouses	3,3	3,7	2,7	2,6
Disagreements about the distribution of family responsibilities	19,7	9,6	17,0	9,1
Differences over the choice of ways to spend free time	10,6	2,2	8,9	14,3
One of the spouses is annoyed that the other has achieved more in life (for example, the wife earns much more than her husband)	2,0	1,5	4,5	1,3

Another quite pragmatic, most important component of a happy family life was normal living conditions for women. More than 60% of women from happy families (with 42.5% in the array as a whole) lived in separate apartments. At the same time, among the women who lived in dormitories and service apartments, the percentage of those who no longer hoped to have a happy family was noticeably higher than the average.

The study revealed the dependence of a woman's feeling of happiness in the family on the level of her education (Table 2):

Table 2. Share of women who consider their family life happy, depending on the level of education, in %

Evaluation of your family	Education
Evaluation of your family	lower secondary	average	secondary spec.	unapproved higher	higher	academic degree
Already managed to create a happy family	24,3	9,2	44,9	34,5	49,4	38,0
I haven't achieved it yet, but I think I can do it	32,4	46,6	36,3	54,7	31,7	44,4
I would like to, but it is unlikely that I will be able to achieve this	32,4	20,1	15,4	5,8	17,3	11,1
	10,8	4,1	3,5	5,0	1,6	5,6

One should hardly be surprised at the same time that the lowest proportion of women who consider their family happy is among general workers and auxiliary workers - 33.7%. At the same time, it is in this group that the highest percentage of women cite drunkenness and drug addiction in one of their relatives among the main problems of their own unsettled life.

As for official marriage, Russian women see its main function in the full-fledged upbringing of children. At the same time, women who have a happy family are noticeably more likely than others to say that it is official marriage that gives a woman confidence and creates the prerequisites for the full-fledged upbringing of children (Table 3.).

Table 3. Ideas about what marriage is for, in the composition of women who consider their family happy, in %

Attitude towards official marriage	Evaluation of your family
Attitude towards official marriage	Already have a happy family	Not yet, but I can do it	I can't seem to get it	It wasn't in my life plans.
It is necessary for the proper upbringing of children.	34,8	23,9	28,4	22,0
He creates the material support of the family	9,1	9,4	11,4	6,0
A woman feels more confident in it	30,0	26,4	24,5	14,0
Official marriage is unimportant, the main thing is that there is a man nearby	15,1	19,0	19,7	28,0
For a modern woman, marriage is not important, she can achieve everything alone	8,0	17,0	13,1	26,0
Other	3,1	4,3	3,0	4,0

Thus, the family is a special, very significant and emotionally colored type of partnership, the purpose of which is the upbringing of children. At the same time, it is assumed that, due to the inherent value of the family, each side of this partnership must make certain sacrifices for the sake of its interests. At the same time, infidelity, attempts at betrayal are perceived very hard, not so much because of a love injury, but because of a violation of the basic principles of the existence of this partnership, as a sign of insecurity and betrayal.

And if the family type of partnership is really implemented in practice, then no disagreements on specific issues, including the distribution of family money, do harm to the woman and family, and the woman feels quite confident and protected. Moreover, even if a man cannot provide an acceptable standard of living for his family, but honestly tries to do it (works, tries to earn extra money, does not drink), then a woman, as a rule, is satisfied with her family life.

Thus, we found out which aspects of family life are most important for a modern Russian woman and what a successful marriage means to her.

Conclusion

Thus, having considered the main characteristics of the modern family, we can draw the following conclusions.

An analysis of the literature on the problem of family relations confirms the interest of researchers in the problems of the modern family. Most theoretical works and practical studies emphasize the changing nature of family relations depending on changes in society.

Speaking about the functional features of the modern family, it should be noted that the functions of the family have also changed recently due to changes in external circumstances affecting the family. Not only the internal content of functions changes, but also their number. For example, some researchers note the recent emergence of a psychotherapeutic function.

The study of leadership in the family allows us to conclude that each family is characterized by an individual distribution of roles and leadership.

Exploring prosperous and dysfunctional families, many authors note that well-being in the family depends primarily on the coincidence of the value orientations of the spouses and their psychophysiological compatibility. There is also a certain trend towards the growth of dysfunctional families.

Modern family research suggests that a woman's subjective feeling of satisfaction with a marriage consists of the following components:

· Love in the family, which should give strength and reliability of relationships;

· Presence of marriage registration as a factor of constancy;

The ability of a man to be the support and protection of the family;

· Man, as the creator of material well-being in the family;

Thus, despite the changes in traditions, forms and other signs of a modern family, women, speaking about family well-being, are more inclined to traditional forms of the family, believing that it is in them that they will feel happier and more satisfied with their marriage.

Bibliography

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11. Fedotova N.F. The head of the family: motives for recognition // Questions of psychology. - 1983. - No. 5. - With. 87-94., p. 87-94

12. Schneider L.D. Psychology of family relations. Course of lectures - M .: April-press, 2000. - 512 p.

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Relationships and especially their impact on adolescents. At the same time, he highly appreciated the role of a teacher in working with a teenager, especially from disadvantaged families. Communicating with a teenager, the teacher must somehow correct the possible negative impact of the prevailing nature of relationships in families on boys and girls. But such a correction is impossible without knowledge of such a characteristic of these relations as their style. ...

The duration of the agreement; duties of the parties; the rights of the parties; joint action procedures; assessment of the effectiveness of the work performed. Chapter 2. Experimental work of a social educator with a "family at risk" 2.1. Methodology for studying the family of the "risk group" in the conditions of a comprehensive school The family of the risk group is characterized by the presence of a deviation from the norm, which does not allow ...

Families. 5. Change of value orientations in the family. II. In chapter 1, the following main characteristics of a modern family in a systemic crisis were identified: 1. Socio-economic: a) The structure of family income has changed. b) The structure of consumer spending has changed. 2. Socio-demographic: a) Reducing the birth rate. b) An increase in the number of incomplete families ...

It still remains a purely biological concept of a married couple cohabiting with their descendants and elderly representatives of the older generation. The family is one of the main objects of social work. The modern family is going through a difficult stage in evolution - the transition from the traditional model to the new one, and many scientists characterize the current family conditions as crisis, ...

Factors of family well-being
A specialist psychologist often has to deal with the problem of analyzing the factors of family well-being - trouble. The complexity of the family as a social system and the psychological community of people of different sex, age, social and professional affiliation leads to the fact that attempts to isolate a complete list of such factors may be unsuccessful. Therefore, we are talking about attempts to identify the most significant factors and indicators of family well-being 1 . One of the integral indicators is the psychological compatibility of spouses (family members in general).

People who create a family seek to satisfy a complex of needs - in love, in children, in experiencing common joys, in understanding, communication. However, the formation of a family is not only the realization of ideal ideas about marriage that have developed among future spouses. This is the real life of two, and then several people, in all its complexity and diversity; it includes continuous negotiations, agreements, compromises and, of course, overcoming difficulties, resolving conflicts that exist in every family.

Failure in marriage is largely predetermined by mistakes in choosing a partner: in reality, the chosen one either does not have the necessary personality traits, or the totality of his psychophysiological characteristics, views and values does not correspond to the ideas and needs of the elector. Disappointment can come regardless of the fact that the partner has many positive qualities. It is very important that the husband and wife fit each other in terms of biological and moral factors that reflect various aspects of upbringing, political, cultural, religious views, and that the partners are tolerant of each other's characteristics.

The following are the most important prerequisites for future family, including marital, well-being.

Psychobiological compatibility. We are talking about "indefinable inner sympathy", which may be based on such clear reasons as admiration for talent, success, social position or an external aesthetic ideal.

A harmonious marriage presupposes the social maturity of the spouses, readiness for active participation in the life of society, the ability to financially provide for their family, duty and responsibility, self-control and flexibility.

Factors that have an indirect impact for the well-being of married life. It is important to know what were the marital relations of the parents of the chosen one, what is the family way of life, the material level of the family, what negative phenomena are observed in the family and in the character of the parents. Even a small family trauma often leaves a deep mark, forming negative views and positions in the child. Sometimes insurmountable conflicts are inevitable where partners differ diametrically in their worldview.

Education. Higher education does not always increase the level of stability of family relationships. Even in a marriage concluded between two young people who graduated from higher educational institutions, conflicts can arise, which, if they are not resolved in a timely manner, will give rise to a divorce. However, the intellectual level and characters of the partners should not differ excessively.

labor stability. People who frequently change jobs are characterized by instability, excessive dissatisfaction, and an inability to build long-term relationships.

Age. determines the social maturity of partners, readiness to perform marital and parental duties. The most optimal age is considered to be 20-24 years. The most natural difference in the age of the spouses is 1-4 years. The stability of so-called unequal marriages largely depends not only on the nature of both partners, on their mutual feelings, but also on preparedness for age-related characteristics, on the ability to resist the “slander” of others, etc.

Dating duration. During the period of acquaintance, it is important to get to know each other well, not only in optimal conditions, but also in difficult situations, when the personal qualities and weaknesses of the partner’s character are clearly manifested. It is possible, as is customary now, to live together for some time in order to get comfortable, get used to each other's features.

All these factors create the prerequisites for the emergence of marital compatibility and incompatibility. Psychological incompatibility is the inability to understand each other in critical situations. In marriage, each of the spouses can act as a "traumatic factor", for example, when one of the spouses is an obstacle in meeting the needs of the other. Psychological compatibility is defined as the mutual acceptance of partners in communication and joint activities, based on the optimal combination - similarity or complementarity - of value orientations, personal and psychophysiological characteristics. Psychological compatibility of subjects is a multilevel and multidimensional phenomenon. In family interaction, it includes psychophysiological compatibility; personal compatibility , including cognitive (comprehension of ideas about oneself, other people and the world as a whole), emotional (experiencing what is happening in the external and internal world of a person), behavioral (external expression of ideas and experiences); value compatibility , or spiritual compatibility.

Thus, the harmony of family and marriage relations in terms of personal parameters is determined by several basic elements:

The emotional side of marital relations, the degree of affection;

The similarity of their ideas, visions of themselves, partners, the social world as a whole;

The similarity of communication models preferred by each of the partners, behavioral features;

Sexual and, more broadly, psychophysiological compatibility of partners;

The general cultural level, the degree of mental and social maturity of partners, the coincidence of spouses' value systems.

Particularly important in family and marriage relations are value and psychophysiological compatibility of people. All other types of compatibility or incompatibility are subject to dynamic changes and change quite easily in the process of mutual adaptation of family members or in the course of psychotherapy. Value and psychophysiological incompatibility is not amenable or with great difficulty can be corrected.

Psychophysiological, and in particular sexual, incompatibility can lead to the breakup of a marriage. And the mismatch of values in the interaction of people, especially in everyday contacts, leads to an almost irreversible destruction of communication and marital relationships.

The most common factors that determine success or failure in marriage are personal qualities of the spouses or their the ability to solve all kinds of problems, to be in harmony with each other. In the absence of these skills, conflict situations often arise as a result of the incompatibility of any forces within the individual or between spouses. It is important to take into account the individual psychological characteristics of each of the spouses. The type of personality can serve as a rational and complex indicator of their individuality: the most common cause of marital conflicts, as well as divorces, is “dissimilarity of characters”, incompatibility of spouses.

Also important are the basic moral principles, interests, outlook, lifestyle, psychosocial maturity and scale of values of the spouses. These figures reflect the fact that, in addition to personal qualities of spouses, marital interaction is associated with the expectations and experience of their previous life. In order to help spouses with marital problems, it is necessary to find out what some of their expectations are based on and what the real state of affairs in the family is. For this purpose, the marriage of their parents, brothers or sisters is usually considered; dynamics of the development of marital relations.

The concept of duplicating the properties of siblings suggests that a person seeks to realize his relationship with brothers and sisters in new social ties. More stable and successful marriages are observed in cases where relationships between partners are built on exactly this principle, taking into account gender. In this sense, marital relations can be fully complementary (the husband finds an older sister in his wife, and the wife finds an older brother) or partially complementary (both have older brothers or sisters).

Complementary marriage is such a union in which each of the partners occupies the same position that he had in relation to brothers or sisters in the parental family. Partially complementary relationships arise if one or both partners in the parental family had several types of relationships with their brothers and sisters, of which at least one is established with a partner. In a non-complementary marriage, disagreements and contradictions may appear on the basis of primacy or subordination in the family.

The concept of duplicating parent properties assumes that a person learns to fulfill a male or female role to a large extent from his parents and unconsciously uses the model of parental attitude in his family. He learns the marital role by identifying himself with parents of the same sex. Identification, identification - an elementary psychological reaction, which consists in the fact that the individual mentally equates himself to another person (parent).

Sometimes without noticing, he adopts a way of thinking, ideas and values, and most importantly - emotional reactions and internal states, unconsciously or consciously tries to become like a parent, therefore he approves of his standards of behavior and adapts to his assessments. The personality of the individual and the parent merge. This scheme also includes the role of a parent of the opposite sex: the forms of parental relationships become a standard.

social inheritance Personal properties and behavioral patterns determine the similarity of marital relations, which are also inherited, so we often repeat not only the choice of a partner, but also many of the mistakes and problems of parents. The two most important dimensions of parental relationships largely determine the success of a child's marriage. The first important measurement is family dominance(which of the parents "commanded", and who obeyed), the second - general well-being(poise and mutual acceptance) relationships. A comparison of relationships in prosperous and conflicting married couples shows that the balance of relationships is significantly influenced by a favorable model of parental marriage, a good relationship between father and mother, and a happy childhood. Balanced spouses were calm in childhood, they were rarely punished, often caressed.

There are also marriage is symmetrical, complementary and metacomplementary. In a symmetrical marriage, both spouses have equal rights, neither of them is subordinate to the other. Problems are solved by agreement, exchange or compromise. In a complementary marriage, one orders, gives orders, the other expects advice or instructions. In a meta-complementary marriage, the leading position is reached by the one who realizes his own goals by emphasizing his weakness, inexperience, ineptness and impotence, manipulating his partner.

Thus, with a dynamic approach to family problems, marital disharmony (violations) of relationships are analyzed from the point of view of the internal motivation of the behavior of both spouses. Current family conflicts are considered taking into account past conflicts, as well as examples of previous emotionally charged relationships. At the same time, the influence of the family in which each of the spouses grew up is assessed, the atmosphere inherent in it, poise, calmness, the division of rights and duties between father and mother, and an appeal to the experience of parents are taken into account.
teacher-psychologist SPPS Semashko E.V.

1 Psychology of family relations with the basics of family counseling: Proc. allowance for students. higher textbook establishments. ed. E.G. Silyaeva. - M .: Publishing Center "Academy", 2002 - 192 p.

A friendly family is the basis of a happy life. When harmony, love and mutual respect reign in the family, each member of this small built world experiences feelings of care, joy and self-worth.

However, crisis situations often arise, and it seems that happiness is on the verge. Constant disputes and disagreements with people close to us (spouses, parents, etc.) can lead to unpleasant consequences, because of which innocent children most often suffer. There are contradictions, misunderstandings, sometimes the situation comes to violence.

Unfortunately, almost everyone faces problems in the family. Many are sure that they are able to cope on their own, but this is not always possible; in desperation, we run to our friends for advice or even avoid problems altogether, leaving them unresolved.

To overcome family crisis, it is necessary to identify the causes of family problems and figure out what caused them.

Causes of family problems

The problems of the modern family are significantly different from the family disputes of the last century. The causes of a family crisis today can be social and material problems, which especially affect the well-being of the family as a whole.

These include:

Alcoholism. Bad habits.
Financial difficulties.

There are also many psychological aspects that contribute to the emergence of a crisis. Therefore, it is important to have an idea about them in order to avoid divorce and save the marriage, because parting is not always the right solution to the current problem.

There are no life goals.
Lack of understanding with relatives.
There is no love and respect.

More often issues related to personal space, since, entering into marriage, two people do not know how to live together, they only learn; you have to give in a lot, agree with the opinion of the partner, adapt, change your principles etc., which infringes on their own needs.

Did not get along.
The priorities are wrong.

Family problems. Ways to solve them

Faced with difficulties in everyday life, we try to find a way to get rid of them. But sometimes hands drop, and there is not enough strength to bear this burden of endless problems that arise for one reason or another. And at the moment when I would like lean on the devoted conjugal shoulder or turn to loved ones for support, misunderstanding arises, and you seem to be rejected and no longer loved as before, you see no way out of an even more difficult situation. What to do? How to get rid of problems in the family?

Alcoholism. Addictions

The main cause of discord in the family is bad habits.(alcohol, drug use, smoking, gambling, etc.).

The problem of alcoholism is present in every third family. Living with an alcoholic is impossible; all members of the family suffer, children are deeply psychologically traumatized. Often alcoholics use physical force and are capable of murder, as evidenced by the statistics of criminal offenses.

The problem of drugs affects the family in exactly the same way as alcoholism. People with a strong gambling addiction are no less dangerous, one has only to forbid them to play, and the consequences are inevitable.

Unfortunately, dealing with this problem is not so easy, as people with similar bad habits have a disturbed psyche. All relatives need to be psychologists to overcome this terrible problem on their own. However, it is important to prepare a family member suffering from alcoholism or other addiction for the upcoming trip to a specialist.

Despite everything there should be a calm atmosphere in the house. Someone must take responsibility for the joyful childhood of children and the health of elderly parents. Do not aggravate the situation with scandals, accusations, etc. Try to surround the whole family with love and care, and this will play a significant role in finding mutual understanding.

As for difficult cases, when the patient is dangerous and completely unaware of his actions, he should be sent to a special institution for treatment.

Financial difficulties

One of the significant problems is material issues. About 40% of families suffer because of scandals that arise in the financial field. Low wages make it impossible to solve housing problems, raise their children with dignity, pay for education, etc., and this is a social problem. Cases with the bankruptcy of a company or the collapse of a family business do not add optimism, which is highly dependent on the economy.

Such problems could have been avoided, but there is no confidence in the future. The maternal instinct reminds of itself, modern children do not understand the lack of money in the family, relations are spoiled not only between spouses, but also between parents and children; you have to look for additional funds and thereby accumulate debts.

Financial difficulties lead to personal insecurity; reproaches begin, more often towards the spouse.

To solve this problem in the family, you do not need to saw your husband every day, it is important to determine the essence of the conflict, to understand: where "the roots grow from." Perhaps problems at work or your spouse is looking for a better position. The main thing is to take it easy.

There is nothing shameful in the fact that the spouse also works, this has its advantages (it is useful to develop). You can increase your income with the help of additional earnings on the Internet.

It's important to support each other. Understanding the situation and overcoming difficulties together, the family will only distinguish itself by its strength and mutual understanding.

Life

It is not always possible to have time to fulfill all the duties in the house. At work all day, noisy kids, which they do as soon as they make a mess, but you need to clean, wash, cook, wash dishes, go to the store and much more; and for all this 3-4 hours on weekdays and weekends. Dividing these responsibilities is not so easy between a man and a woman. Of all the above, the spouse can take on a trip to the store, and the rest, as a rule, is women's business.

Having no time for romance, love and spending time together, spouses get annoyed over any trifle, quarrel, and accumulate resentment. How to be?

The main thing is to understand that a man will not wash clothes and wash floors. This is a woman's problem. Leaving her husband for this reason is unreasonable, rather Husband can't stand unreasonable insults because men think differently. In this case, you can count on help for the magical and affectionate words that men love so much.

It is best not to take into account life as some kind of serious obstacle in a relationship, especially for a woman, because due to her behavior and endless irritated employment, two once loving people will begin to move away from each other, which will lead to a loss of feelings and love.

To prevent this from happening, leave the children with their grandparents, go to the cinema, to an exhibition, to visit with your husband. Provoke your spouse to compliment and do nice things. Do not infringe on your interests. Go shopping while your husband takes care of the kids. Take a break from everyday life, do not attach much importance to it.

Did not get along

Different personalities and interests can contribute to communication problems between family members. These can be different views on behavior in society, raising children, material issues, etc.

This problem applies more to young families. Young people get married without knowing each other, a certain feeling, passion arises between them, and then it turns out that apart from this, nothing else connects them. There are quarrels, scandals, distrust, lack of respect.

And yet there is a way out. Relationships can save compromises. It is necessary to choose the option that suits both. It is not worth arguing and defending your opinion, there will not be enough strength or time for this; best to create common interests.

no life goals

Often the problems of the modern family are associated with the lack of common life goals. Family life goes with the flow, every day is the same as the previous one; it gets boring.

We need to make joint plans: repair, purchase of a washing machine, car, apartment, cottage; and try to implement them. Can jointly save money for vacation or something else. This will unite the family, and there will be no time to be bored.

Lack of understanding with relatives

Often the reason for divorce in the family may be relationships with relatives. The mother-in-law can wage war with her daughter-in-law, not approving the choice of her son, and the mother-in-law can get the loser - the son-in-law, who, in her opinion, is not able to provide for the family.

In such a situation, you have to rush between two fires. Sometimes it is necessary to make a choice against one in favor of the other, and usually a loved one remains on the sidelines.

To avoid such disagreements, the family should live separately from the parents. In this case, if there are disputes, it will not be permanent.

Parents can greatly influence their children, their opinion is often decisive, but if there is great love in the family, none of the spouses will demand a choice. These actions are characteristic of egoists, so you should think if relatives talk about it.

The best option is to stay neutral. Don't take one side or the other listen to your heart.

Wrongly prioritized

Setting priorities right is important for a family. If in the first place is not the family, but other values (hobbies, interests, career), there is no question of any harmony. In this case, children suffer from a lack of attention, there is no concept of community necessary for the family, mistrust, betrayal, etc. arise.

To avoid problems for this reason, put family first, find time for joint rest and walks, which will bring joy even to the busiest person, because no money can replace love.

No love and respect

Lack of respect and love is the most important problem in a family. All other problems are related to it. Marriage without love does not bring anything good. In the relationship of spouses, there are always scandals, misunderstanding, resentment, quarrels; they live like strangers, not restrained, able to mock each other, humiliate in society.

First a sign of lack of love is considered unwillingness to be together, talk, have sex. All this becomes as unnecessary and uninteresting as a person is not needed.

Finding a way out of such a situation is not easy, especially if the relationship is running and silence reigns in the house. However, the situation can still be improved. The problem needs to be discussed and find out what is happening and why. Try hear each other and understand, tell what does not suit someone, and look for compromises.

Promise to change, remember the good times support each other in the smallest detail. Become best friends, lovers, psychologists and your relationship will become a solid foundation on which happiness rests.