We build the right relationship with the ex-wife of her husband - how to neutralize the rival? Is it worth worrying if the guy is friends with the former
Hello. My name is Ekaterina, I am 22 years old. My husband is 25, we have been in a relationship for the fourth year, we got married a year ago, at his insistence I am a housewife, no children.
When we met, he was in a relationship with another girl, but, as he himself put it, talking about it, when he saw me, he “forgot” about her.
About a week ago, I accidentally (my husband blabbed) found out that he communicates with her and sees her. They don’t have children, they don’t work together, and the professions are different (I thought maybe there were questions about work), while he often goes to help her father in the country (not in the form of a part-time job, but just like that)
The husband says that they are just friends and rarely see each other, but I committed a "sin" - I read their correspondence on the social network, it turned out that they began to communicate six months after we started living together, he was the initiator of personal meetings, that is almost all the time we lived together, he lied to me about the fact that they do not communicate.
I try not to hysteria and not yell at my husband, but I can’t remove the resentment and the feeling that I was betrayed, and at the same time he freaks out and considers communication with the former to be absolutely normal.
The result of this situation is that I now gnaw at myself with the question “how is it better” (my husband “does not have time to walk with me”, the last time we left the house for a walk in February), what should I do now, there was a fear that my husband will leave (although he says “I married you and live with you”), in every absence I suspect that he went to her, when her father called today and asked for help once again, I almost burst into tears from emotions. I startle at every phone call, and almost panic sets in if he goes to talk to another room. The mood is at zero, apathy has appeared, everything falls out of hand (from cleaning to fulfilling an order for making a toy), I can’t force myself to do something.
Please tell me what should I do in this situation? After all, it is useless to forbid communicating with her - will he just continue to do it secretly?
Do men really not understand "what's wrong" with an ex? How can I explain to him if he only answers to the description of emotions "well, you fool, calm down"?
How to calm the nerves?
Psychologists Answers
Catherine
The result of this situation is that I now gnaw at myself with the question "how is it better"
Katherine is no better! And it's not about you at all, it's about your husband. Of course, he doesn’t tell you anything about the past
Catherine
When we met, he was in a relationship with another girl, but, as he himself put it, talking about it, when he saw me, he “forgot” about her.
the phrase is certainly beautiful, but painfully false. I suspect that she left him, and now she beckoned (it is possible that she was abandoned).
There is one BUT, she didn’t need him then, and she doesn’t need him now, as soon as a new boyfriend appears, he will stop meeting her, or rather, she will refuse to meet him, and you will again be the most desirable and beautiful. How much is enough? Don't know. Will he still run to her?
Catherine
at the same time, he often goes to help her father in the country (not in the form of a part-time job, but just like that)
such an option can be considered as a demonstration to her parents, and, accordingly, indirectly to her, "Look what man you missed"
Catherine
but I committed a "sin" - I read their correspondence on the social network,
It's not a sin! Even in quotation marks, this is self-care!!!
Catherine
but I can not remove the resentment and the feeling that I was betrayed,
And no wonder, you really were betrayed, no matter how cynical it may sound. You don't have to clean up the mess! It must be worked out and decided for itself. Can you find a way for yourself to live with your husband, always suspecting something was wrong?
Catherine
and at the same time he is freaking out and considers communication with the former to be absolutely normal.
Ekaterina, and this is about the fact that the cap is on fire for a thief. And the fact that he is freaking out is about the fact that he is annoyed by your ability to see and his inability to hide.
Catherine
After all, it is useless to forbid communicating with her - will he just continue to do it secretly?
Here you are right, the result will indeed be the same.
Catherine
Do men really not understand "what's wrong" with an ex?
It happens in different ways, but in cases where they carefully treat their partners, they find a way out and solve the situation so that the loved one does not suffer.
Catherine
Please tell me what should I do in this situation?
It's almost impossible to give advice here. To do this, you need to consider the problem from different angles.
But before making any decision, if possible, contact a psychologist, if you cannot do this in your city, I consult via Skype. And it is also very important to weigh what you are ready to go for in order for him to be with you and whether your sacrifice and the desired result will be equivalent? But it is better to see a psychologist, I think 2-5 meetings will clarify the situation for you.
Fedorenko Galina Alexandrovna, psychologist in Moscow
Good answer 6 bad answer 0All couples break up differently. Especially when it comes to married couples who for some time went through life together, raised children, planned a common future. If you married a divorced man with children, you must understand from the outset that he has a past, and you will have to build relationships not only with him, but with his past too. If a husband communicates with his ex-wife - how to behave?
Of course, the presence in the life of a husband of an ex-wife and their common children is most likely terribly unpleasant and hurts you as a woman. But it is unlikely that they will disappear somewhere, although anything can happen. When a man loves his children and wants to connect with them and spend time with them, it will be better for everyone if you build a good relationship. How to do this without infringing on your pride and interests?
The nature of their communication and the reason for parting
First of all, answer yourself the question of why this bothers you so much. There can be plenty of reasons for ex-husband and wife to communicate - these are common children, business or other vital interests. When a man is actively involved in the upbringing of children from a previous family, this speaks more of his merits than of his shortcomings.
Do you suspect that the feelings between them have not cooled down? And this option is quite possible, especially if they have lived together for a long time, from eight years or more. Only you can’t influence the existence of these feelings right here and now. You will need more time and a good strategy to become the main woman of his heart.
Why is it important to behave correctly in a situation where your spouse and his ex-wife communicate? The main and, perhaps, her only advantage is that she knows him better than you, and most likely knows how to manipulate him perfectly. That is why it is so important for you not to make mistakes in behavior on your part.
But you also have a trick up your sleeve - despite the reasons for their breakup, and even who initiated it, they still broke up, and you are nearby, and you are his wife. Ask yourself what ideal scenario you would like to achieve (the option of his first family going to colonize Mars does not count), and systematically move towards this goal.
Do you know what your compatibility with a man is?
To find out, click on the button below.
Possible strategies for dealing with a husband and his ex-wife
Let's look at all possible scenarios and possible tactics of behavior with a spouse and his ex-wife. First of all, you need to calm down as much as possible and learn to experience all the negative emotions associated with this situation. If you throw a tantrum after every phone call from the past or a weekend they spent together, it's bad. How long do you think your man can take it.
If there are no common children, and the husband assures that they just communicate
A much more complicated and unpleasant situation is if your husband and his ex-wife do not have children, but he or she communicates anyway. Call up, text, maybe see each other. What to do in this case?
Here, of course, you are more free to choose the manner of behavior and the ultimate goal. In fact, you can be tougher, explain why you are against such communication and protest against it. Much depends on what kind of person your husband is and.
Change tactics, try to act in different ways, alternate carrots and sticks. The main thing to remember is that time is on your side, it will gradually put everything in its place. But it’s also not worth opening your mouth and catching crows - keep your finger on the pulse and fight for your man, if necessary.
If you want to be with your beloved man, you need to figure out if you are compatible according to your zodiac sign?
Find out the exact compatibility with a man by clicking on the button below.
Almost every man has ex-girlfriends, but sometimes it turns out that a man breaks up with a woman, finds himself a new girlfriend, starts a family, but a spark of love and any other worries connects a man with his ex-girlfriend, and then their meetings begin, which over time can lead to the restoration of their relationship. We recommend that you read
REASONS WHY A HUSBAND DISCOVERS WITH THE FORMER
LOVE: Many men after a breakup, even if the woman was the culprit of the divorce, that is, the man himself decided to leave, the man may have new warm feelings for his ex-girlfriend and, perhaps, even a new love will flare up from this. This happens when an ex-girlfriend gave a man something that a real woman does not give, perhaps he does not receive any pleasures in sex, or there is no caress that was from the former.What to do in this case? There may be only one answer here, this is to try with all your might and effort to separate your husband from your ex-girlfriend, including under the guise of an ultimatum, me or her. After all, if they still have love, then what kind of love can be with you? If you can’t separate him from her, then think about your future relationship.
CHILDREN: Also a very common reason why a husband communicates with an ex-woman is that they have common children. In this case, the husband communicates not so much with the ex-girlfriend as with his children, and all communication with the former should be limited exclusively to the topic of children. We recommend that you read
What to do in this case? Unfortunately, it is difficult to discourage a husband from communicating with an ex-woman if they have common children, and, one might say, wrong. The child should receive full communion with his father, because he is not to blame that mom and dad got divorced. Although, of course, there is a big risk that the ex-wife will drag your husband back.
BUSINESS: Sometimes a very rare reason why a husband communicates with an ex-girlfriend will be their common business, or for example they work in the same company and, on duty, a man cannot help but communicate with his ex-woman. We recommend that you read
What to do in this case? If the husband and his ex work at the same job, try to persuade the husband to find another job, but if this does not work, for example, the husband has a good salary. Try to get his ex fired from your husband's job. Or humble yourself and just trust your husband, because both of you are in an almost hopeless situation, and maybe he also has to endure the presence of his ex and believe me, this is in most cases unpleasant for a man.
FRIENDS: People break up, but give each other a promise to remain friends, although sometimes it’s not friendship, but the remote preservation of each other just in case, and suddenly it doesn’t work out with a new woman, then I’ll return to the former. If nothing connects the husband with the ex-girlfriend, but they sometimes call up, communicate and, perhaps, even meet, then this is most likely true, they keep each other just in case. We recommend that you read
What to do in this case? In this case, it is necessary to act in exactly the same way as in the case of a husband and a former spark of love, that is, they need to be separated and communication should be limited to zero. Otherwise, there is an option that the husband can return to the former.
WHAT TO DO IF THE HUSBAND IS TALKING TO THE EX
If they have children, do not limit the communication of the father with the child.
- If they do not have children, but communicate out of love or as friends, then limit their communication. Talk to your husband about how you don't like his relationship with your ex, maybe even give him an ultimatum and a choice between you and her. If it does not help, think about your future relationship.
- If the husband communicates with the former at work, then either endure or force the husband to change jobs.
And most importantly, communication with an ex-girlfriend, as a rule, happens because you do not give something to your husband that the ex gave, and often, this lies in personal relationships and sex. Ask and talk to your husband about this, correct yourself, and the husband will understand that you are better, and then, perhaps, he himself will stop communicating with the ex-girlfriend.
Good afternoon, dear ladies! We all have a past, but sometimes it breaks into our lives very inopportunely. Former lovers can appear on the horizon at the wrong time. But what if the guy communicates with the former? About ourselves, we know that the former is just a part of our history, but because of the guy’s last girlfriend, the nerves begin to play pranks. How not to go crazy with endless thoughts about it and not ruin your relationship with your loved one?
Personal space
Let's start with the fact that while in a relationship, you should never forget about personal space. Your man has every right to communicate with different people, he can spend time the way he wants. If a husband wants to go fishing with friends, then he should do it.
Otherwise, you run the risk of spoiling the relationship. The key to a healthy and strong relationship is that you trust your partner and everyone has their own piece of personal space.
Even if a guy communicates with an ex-girlfriend, you should not throw a tantrum or scandal, with a fight of dishes and insults. This will only cause your boyfriend to stop telling you the truth. You shouldn't make a scene for him because he met with his ex-wife. When asked why men continue to see their past passions, we will talk later.
Why is he talking to her?
Now let's see why they keep in touch.
To begin with, I propose to consider the situation with the ex-wife. They may have common children, and there is nothing to even think about. They will keep in touch anyway. And you have absolutely nothing to worry about. If you are very worried about this, then read the article "". Maybe you will find something useful and interesting for yourself.
When parting, some people act wisely and remain friends. I have a large number of similar stories in practice. People once loved each other and were close. Love has passed, but you still want to communicate with a person.
Another option is they have work to do. Perhaps your faithful is an excellent publicist. And his ex needs advice. So she turned to him. Again, there is nothing criminal in this, which is why you should start tearing your hair out and look for the fortune teller's phone in order to curse her.
If your man does not make a secret out of communicating with his ex, then he has nothing to hide. It's just communication. On the contrary, you should appreciate that the guy trusts you and talks about such things. Indeed, sometimes the opposite happens.
Lie
When your loved one texts an ex and hides it, then there is reason to think. Lies can be caused by two reasons. First - he does not want to be a participant in the scandal.
A lot of guys don't say things to their girlfriends so she doesn't throw a tantrum. In order to avoid scandal, he prefers to remain silent and say nothing. This does not mean that something is happening between them. This means that he simply saves his nerves from your claims. Rest assured, if you had reacted calmly, then such a story would not have been a secret.
The second option - there really is something to hide. Perhaps he has kindled feelings for his ex, but she is now busy and he communicates with her so as not to lose contact. Maybe they had an intimacy, a moment of passion, because of the flood of past feelings. You're unlikely to know for sure. Because such things are rarely told to their partners.
To be more savvy on the issue of lies, read the article "". If you are thinking about parting, but are afraid of the unknown, then here is an excellent article for you that will help you overcome all fears - "".
Work on yourself
It is very important to have dignity and self-confidence. Scandals and tantrums are most often arranged by women who do not feel the strength to keep a man. It is from such young ladies that the guys hide the truth.
A self-confident woman will not become jealous of the faithful to the former. She perfectly understands that those relationships have exhausted themselves, that the guy chose her and is happy now.
Living in fear that a man will return to his ex is a thankless task. You only shake your nerves and the guy begins to consider you a hysteric.
I offer you two articles, after reading which you will understand that your inner strengths and potential are capable of much: "" and "".
There is nothing worse than beating yourself up. After all, nothing has happened yet, and you sit and imagine how they are already engaged in obscenities in his car. Draw pictures in your mind. But only this happens in your head, not in reality. And the sediment remains with you, as if it really happened. Drive such thoughts away!
You need to trust your loved one, respect his personal space, be able to hear him, give the necessary support and not be afraid to work on yourself. Then you are waiting for a truly strong, long and happy relationship.
But there is no need to pretend that nothing is happening at all. If you see that it really smells like fried, talk to him calmly and tell him about your concerns about his communication with his ex. If you cannot cope with your emotions, go to a psychologist together, a specialist will help you express your feelings in a friendly atmosphere.
What torments you? Why are you worried? What are your suspicions? Tell us about your problem and together we will try to find the most appropriate solution.
Know your worth and do not let phantom fiction ruin your relationship!
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I met a man who is 27 years old. I’m 20. The relationship is wonderful .. we live in a place .. but I’m terribly tormented by one moment ... He communicates with his ex-wife (there is a common daughter), I understand that they should communicate anyway ... but their communication is too warm .... there is also one second ex-wife who loves him .. calls and writes to him every day ... we can’t get rid of her ... it’s killing me .... I love him madly and I’m afraid to lose ... too strong feelings for this person ... I don’t know what to me do ... how to react to this .... because for him it's like in the order of things ... but it tears me apart from the inside .... please help ..
Good afternoon. I want to ask you for advice. My boyfriend and I lived together for 1.5 years and then had a very strong fight, almost to the point of parting. I cheated on him, it was an accident about which I am very sorry. I ran after him for a very long time, asked for forgiveness, in every possible way found a reason for communication. He forgave me, but not immediately. Now I found out that he communicates with his ex. He didn't tell me anything, because I'll pump scandal and hysteria. I don't know what to do, any advice please
Yes, I react to all this very violently. He communicates with the former, because he cannot do it differently, because. her parents and his relatives communicate and he often crosses paths with her. But he also says that they found out everything among themselves that they will not be together anymore and I have nothing to worry about. But I can't take it easy. I'm afraid of losing him. And now it seems to me that he constantly communicates with her, although he promised me not to communicate with her anymore. In general, I'm scared and I'm very afraid. And also not a fortune teller guessed that we would not be together with him for a long time and would soon disperse. And I don’t want this so much and I live constantly in fear from the day we measured
He told me that he did not want to torture me anymore and said that he had no feelings for me. We didn’t see each other for 5 days, during these days we hardly talked and he says that he didn’t get bored at all and is NOT drawn to me. And the biggest trouble is that now I'm starting to compare everyone with him and I can't help it. I love him very much, and now he is talking with his ex and wants to go back to being gay.
Good day! This is my first time in this situation, so I decided to contact you. I am 26, the young man is 25.
On January 8, we decided to live together and started looking for a rented one-room apartment (since he rents a room, and I live with my mother). Talk about family, children, etc. A feeling of complete idyll…. and on the 9th, he comes home from work for a day, calls back and disappears. I can not get through, do not subscribe for 2 days. Then his uncle calls and asks not to disturb the guy for 2-3 weeks. And secretly tells the reason: the former with her mother came to his house (room !!).
I'm shocked ... he answered my calls and SMS only once in a week: "At the moment I'm not in a relationship. I'm sorry. Let's limit ourselves to communication for now ... "(c)
And I’m sitting at a loss ... I don’t understand why she came, why he let her in, why he stopped communicating with me, why such a strange period (2-3 weeks)
The fact of the matter is that he told me that he wants to come to the house where a delicious dinner, a beloved woman and a warm homely atmosphere are waiting for him. He himself took the initiative to find a rented apartment. He didn't talk to his ex for a year. They broke up on his initiative (she cheated on him and was non-Russian, although they had been together for 3 years and it was going to the wedding. They already talked with their families, etc.) and he left for Moscow, started life from 0.
I think, more precisely, I can only guess that they came to “spud” him. We learned for sure that the man rented a room for himself in Moscow, provides for himself, sends money to his mother. They thought that the money is there and must be returned. It's my opinion.
I know that he is of course kind and cannot say no. But here they manipulated him and said, like they are going to Moscow for the treatment of their mother, and renting a hotel or apartment is expensive, they won’t pull it, so they asked to see him. And he made such a fool.
Now I don’t know at all what is happening there .... why it was impossible to put frames on them (live for the first time, then rent a hostel or something like that), and most importantly .... what is happening there that he isolated me from life! ?
I constantly think about him and about this situation, thereby winding myself up even more ....
Good afternoon I have a problem, my husband constantly communicates with his ex-woman, who can’t wait until we divorce him and he will return to her. She provokes me in every possible way. I even left him on this basis, but every time he returns me with tears in his eyes and swears that he does not need her and they do not communicate. As a result, I again find out that all this continues, I don’t know if there is intimacy between them or not, but I have lost confidence in him. She decided to file for divorce, left him, but he still communicates with her and again, he doesn’t admit it to me and wants to save his family. Can I change this or is divorce a real way out?
Elena, thank you for responding, it is very important to me. Every time he comes to reconcile with me, we calmly talk and I explain to him how insulting and painful it is for me, and that in this way he gives her hope for a resumption of relations. And every time he agrees with me, but some time passes and everything continues again. The most offensive thing is that he tells her about our relationship, and advises on important issues for our family, and for him she is an authority and he listens to her opinion. My a priori is not correct and is not taken into account. In addition, not long ago, he raised his hand to me, because I slander them, and conveyed our conversation with her to her 3 (. Can this be somehow corrected?
Hello, I will write again everything from the beginning. Need a lot of help from you. We lived with a guy for 2 years together, and before that we met for another year. Then we broke up, it was very painful, it was hard to endure. We broke up because he said that he did not love me, and did not want to continue something further. And a month later, he proposed to his first ex-girlfriend, whom he dated before me. 3 months have passed since the breakup, he has been writing to me for more than a month and says that he loves me. Can't live without me. He said that he would not cancel the wedding, but he would not live with her, he would divorce immediately after the wedding and wanted to be with me. I want too, but I'm scared, I'm afraid. But I love him and want him to come back to me. I'm 21 now, he's 25.
No, the bride does not know anything, he simply says that he does not want to cancel everything, since everything is paid for and his parents will not forgive him for this. He cheated on his fiancee with me. And it was not by chance that it was realized. He said that he wants it, he wants to be with me. But I'm afraid and all my relatives are against it, but I love him and I can't say no when he reaches out to me
Hello. I have such a problem: my husband communicates with his ex, hiding from me and arguing that they have friendly relations, just a little warmer. They have lived together for 5 years, he gets along well with her family and with her child, parents, etc. The gap occurred on the basis of her abortion, he could not forgive this, they have no children in common. I met, began to live together, six months later he began to communicate with her, lie to me, sit with her in common companies when I was at home and waiting for him, after which I became pregnant, and even throughout my entire pregnancy he periodically communicated with her, saw each other , I knew about this from the details of the calls made, before the birth I promised that I would not communicate with her, however, it only stopped for six months and now it all started again. She calls him, she allows herself to talk to me in a disgusting tone, with assaults, obscenities, etc. without putting in anything, but I'm actually a legal wife, and who is she??? Never settle down. Be that as it may, he makes contact with her, continues to communicate, for the most part she becomes the organizer of this. He tells me that there is nothing like that there, that it’s just warm friendly relations, she calls on business, if suddenly something happened or asks for help, no more that she loves me and the child, he doesn’t need her, but how to prove to a person that I'm more than just not happy. She can call at night and drop off, then saying that something is wrong with the phone, well, what is it, is it normal? For a long time he compared me with her, poked at some of my shortcomings, said, but here she is, she is like that, etc., although it was in a state of intoxication, I was also tired of this whole situation, please advise how to be? :((
Good evening. I have a problem. My man is talking to his ex-girlfriend. They have an age difference of 27 years. They broke up very hard. He gave her a car for her birthday and she disappeared from his life. As it turned out later, she had a young lover in parallel. Half a year after the breakup, he met me. And our relationship began to develop actively. The former appeared a year after the break (wrote on the Internet). Since that moment, for two years now, they have been communicating quite sweetly sincerely and romantically flirting. And I just can't figure out WHY? And where is the elementary manhood? I was told when we met that his soul was torn to shreds, that he did not even want to remember those relationships. That she pumped a lot of money out of him, etc. And now everything suits him. It turns out he was able to forgive everything. I'm the woman he loves, and she's just an ex-lover.
He is here and there. We have been in a relationship for 3 years. And this situation has been going on for the last two years. I repeatedly asked him to stop talking to her. He said that she writes herself once a month, and he, as a decent person, cannot but answer. he also argued that she felt bad because their relationship had broken up, but he was fine with me. As a result, I now radically ask her to remove it. I really want to invite a man to call her in front of me, and ask her to never call again, write, and in no way show the fact of her existence. I feel like I will.
I have exactly that impression. Now I've talked to him. He said he forgot about it a long time ago. He has no feelings for her, so he calmly communicates with her. If there were still feelings, he would of course block her, because this is not fair to me ... and so on. And I don't believe him. I believe that if a person is betrayed and forgotten, he cannot appear. All contacts have been deleted, and even if the other side insists, writes and sends a photo, no attention is paid to this. Personally, I would do just that. A betrayer dies for me. I will not call him on a date to drink coffee, I will not send a photo of the repair to show how everything is cool in my life. But he can. It's a pity. For some reason, I don't believe his arguments at all.
pressure is really useless. He only accuses me of not trusting him. There are benefits to being in a relationship. But it seems that soon the delusional situation will outweigh and I will leave .. He does not understand. He will remain with his opinion that He did everything for me, and I offended him with my distrust. It's a pity. An adult man and unique in his profession. And in a relationship here is such a seam.
I watched for a very long time. and nerves of steel. Recent events and arguments on my part: I explained to him (I hope that he understood) that his behavior, communication and stories about events in life are, first of all, a blow to me. That girl formed an opinion that I am (as if so literary). For I make repairs, take care, help, and he calls her all the same to “drink coffee”! And this is elementary female logic. This alignment does not suit me at all ... He said that he blocked it everywhere, deleted it and “let's put up”. But it's hard to believe the words. I have no evidence that this is true. Maybe he just comforted her so she wouldn't leave. Now I am at home resting, he is at home. I'll watch what happens next. If I realize that I lied, I will finally leave.
Hello everyone, I didn’t think that I would become one of those who would be depressed by the “connection with the former” (especially since she is in another city). I have such a story at the initial stage, and before it grows into something else, help resolve the situation. We’ve been dating for half a year, he’s been divorced for 2-3 years now, I knew that he was communicating with her on business (discharge from home), I reacted adequately to this, now I find out that they congratulate each other on their birthdays, from February 23 she was on his nose and on March 8 .. I was somehow indignant and expressed my tz that this was not right, that the past would interfere with the future, to which I heard that I invent everything for myself, wind it up and that in there is nothing wrong with this. I don’t like to put pressure, but I won’t allow you to treat me like a pig, to my feelings. How can I talk softly on such a sensitive topic for me? p.s. I'm not afraid to lose, self-confident, self-sufficient, but there are life rules that must not be violated
Hello Elena, yes, I decided to watch it all, and we don't live together yet, so I don't know what's going on behind my back. I believe him because he assures me to be calm. I will limit our meetings with him
Just according to my female concepts, I want a man to reach out to me, and not I constantly showed the initiative in certain situations. And when I take the initiative, I return to his past, which I think keeps him ..
My husband and I have been living together for 3 years, we have a child. The problem is that when we started living together, we agreed that we would stop communicating with ex-spouses. But since he has a child from his 1st marriage, he is 13 years old, then he communicates directly with him, and his wife can write or call, if something happened, he fell, broke his leg, etc. So, for my part, I fulfilled the conditions and clearly explained to my ex-husband that I didn’t need to call and write. And he somehow did not explain, apparently, to his ex-wife. And when I saw their correspondence, I showed dissatisfaction, then he began to erase the messages so that I would not see, but he tells me that he does not communicate with her. What would that mean?
Hello! Please tell me, with a man in a relationship for 2.5 years, I recently found out that I met with an ex-girlfriend (I served as the reason for the breakup of their relationship), all messages have been deleted, when talking with me, he says that he does not see anything like that in their meeting, they decided " meet” and talk, find out how things are going. What would you advise in this situation? (The ex-girlfriend has a boyfriend).
Hello! I have such a situation, I'm 21, he's 25, we've known each other since childhood, but only now we realized that we like each other, we've been dating for a couple of months. But he is talking to his ex-girlfriend. They correspond, her messages constantly catch my eye, I even called twice, of course he answers her, behaves naturally, but I feel stress in him from this situation. Emotionally, all this torments me, but he lived with this girl for 2 years under the same roof and I perfectly understand that I will never succeed in erasing her from his memory. So how to be? Talk to him? I know my worth, I love and respect myself, I care about my boyfriend, I need him and I don’t intend to share him with someone! And one more thing, he's not trying to have sex with me. Although perhaps he is serious about me and does not want to rush, but based on the current situation, I am afraid to draw positive conclusions. Conversations, caresses, kisses, everything is there, but I feel this barrier .. please tell me, advise how to be ...
Catherine:
Hello! We have been dating a guy for 2.5 years, we broke up two months ago, as it turned out later, this happened due to the fact that he considered himself unnecessary and during this period he began to communicate with the former. Now we are together again, he deleted the former from friends and I decided that everything was over with her. But recently I saw his correspondence with her and made a scandal. He asked for forgiveness and said that he loved me, and he just talked to her. But in the census there were SMS “I love: *” and he says that this is like a joke. And I don't know how to look at it. Forbid him to communicate with her? And if he quietly does this, as before ... I don’t seem to be against their communication, if I’m sure that this is just communication, but at the same time I don’t want them to communicate. He says that we don’t understand what’s going on with him and that’s why he talked to her. Please help, what is the best way to proceed?
Hello! Need help, advice. We have been dating a guy for 4 months, everything is fine, sometimes I take offense at him, I am very touchy, but we immediately put up. Calls me to live with her, but I'm afraid to move so early, and we didn't tell each other that we love each other. I know two of his friends (the guy and the girl are in a relationship, but now everything is confusing and she wants to part with him), they all once studied together, he communicates well with this girl, she tells him a friend. And then after the weekend, I went into his old phone, on which we took pictures on the weekend (we went to another city where I wanted to visit) and my curiosity made me go to SMS, I opened a three-year-old correspondence with this girl and found that they had a sexual relationship for a while when her boyfriend was in the army. It became very unpleasant for me, because. I am a very jealous girl, they deceived both of those guys in the army, and now they continue to communicate. In the evening, I asked my boyfriend if he met her, he said yes, and that it was before she met her boyfriend, I said that I had read their correspondence, and that by date she already had a boyfriend, then he confessed. To my words, why did he lie for the first time, said that this was his most terrible secret, that he did not want anyone to know. He reassured me that they now just have friendly communication, but I am very worried, because they were once attracted to each other, and in general I worry that this indicates his infidelity. He tells me that he has me and he doesn't need anyone. I asked to show the correspondence with her in contact, for the last 4 months, but it turned out to be deleted (probably deleted so that I would not read it by accident, because I often spend the night with him). He says that he cleaned up all the correspondence with whom he met before me a long time ago. And I'm worried that they can still flirt like this by correspondence, or suddenly they wrote something about me and compared it with her. We spend a lot of time together, but I'm still very worried and don't know how to trust him now.
Good afternoon I found a correspondence between my husband and one of his ex-girlfriends, they met in their youth, 20 years ago. At first it was just a conversation, then declarations of love began on both sides. I'm in a trance! We have been living together for 16 years, we have experienced a lot together. Married for love. We have two kids. I don’t know how to behave now with my husband, what line of behavior to choose, and in general, is it worth talking and what to say ... Advise.
Hello, Elena. Thanks for the answer. I agree, perhaps such correspondence is a state of nostalgia, but it can turn into something else, especially if the opposite side is ready for this. For me, the main thing now is how to behave.
The husband is a difficult person by nature (a fire sign), but reliable and open. At the beginning of family life, there were skirmishes, mostly over trifles, but then I realized that it was better to remain silent, and he cools down, and we come to a mutual decision. I can’t suspect him, because. always whenever possible together, rest together.
We talk openly about everything. At first, I often reproached my husband (if something did not suit him), which caused him not happy feelings. But I understood and changed tactics to requests and dialogue. Our relationship is probably ice and fire. I read that Aries either love or hate. (56 shades of gray is definitely not about them! :-)) I understand with my mind that we are dear to him, and he is dear to us. He never gave me reasons for jealousy, and neither did I (although by nature he is very jealous, and without reason).
I am sure that he is not going to leave everything (and there is something to leave) and go to raise other people's children (her, from two marriages). He told me that he could not marry a woman with someone else's child. Can't choose tactics. If this is left to chance, I will exhaust myself by constantly thinking about it and checking correspondence. Keep your finger on the pulse? And if it goes further, then take action? And what? I know, from the experience of others, that such relationships are best cut in the bud! (I mean correspondence). I thought about calling her. He is far from being a fool, if I say everything that I think and know about it, he will also be afraid to lose everything. Shock therapy would probably be helpful, but I'm afraid I can't stand it myself. I am a soft person by nature (but not soft-bodied). I can't talk to anyone about this. And why, how many people, so many opinions. Need expert opinion and advice.
I really ask for your advice. A young man met a girl for 3 years before me, his first love can be said, she was the initiator of the break, changed and talked with another. He was ready to forgive, but she left for another. A couple of months later, he started dating me, we have been together for 3.5 years, we live together, introduced me almost immediately to my mother (this was not the case with her) they were going to get married in a year. But here the other day I see that he is corresponding with the former, naturally offensively, a scandal, there is nothing criminal in the correspondence, but the fact itself. I don’t know what to do, he repents, says that he made a mistake, that he was a fool, he stumbled, that he will not happen again. How should I proceed in this situation? Forgive and move on? I love him of course, I can not part. Of course, I explained to him that I was uncomfortable and so on.
Victoria:
Hello, Elena. Tell me, please, how to relate to this situation: I heard my husband's conversation on the phone with his ex-wife (there is a common child and they communicate from time to time). He said the following: At sea, I almost didn’t call her by your name several times, I had to bite my tongue .... How to evaluate such recognition? I've been winding myself up for the third day. Is it okay if there really is nothing between them? We talked, he says that there is nothing behind this, but my calmness is lost ...
Hello! My husband and I have been together for 8 years, of which we have been married for 3 years, lived in a civil marriage for 5 years. 2 years ago I saw his correspondence with an ex-girlfriend, he broke up with her, she cheated on him. From the correspondence I realized that he helps her with money, she sends him intimate photos. I threw a scandal, threatened with a divorce, but how I communicated and communicates, only now hides the correspondence. But I found out again. Scandal. He says it's just communication. That they just align, rewrite, there's nothing wrong with that. I asked him, what if I communicate with the former? He says communicate .. In general, I don’t know what to do. 6 years of a quiet life and 2 years of hell is simple.
good day, Elena!
Please help with advice. I met a young man who was in a relationship at that time (sluggish and with faded love, according to him). We had more flirting and easy relationship. They began to meet, after a while I realized that I wanted a serious relationship with him, and I don’t plan to share it with anyone. She offered to make a choice. He cried, said that he wanted to be with me, but he felt sorry for that girl, because once they were on good terms, and he had no idea what he would say to her, how he would say that despite the fact that lately they had rarely seen each other and often swore, for her it would be like a butt on the head. I felt like the last beast at that moment. I say, well, if there are such tears, such torment, then there are feelings, I will not insist and stand between you, and I will not dictate to you what to do. He says no, understand me, support me, I honestly want to be with you, I don’t need anyone else. Okay, I say then I'll wait, break up. He asked for time so that everything would be calm, smoothly, without haste. Some time has passed, the relationship is not over, she calls, he does not take. Then I gave a specific deadline, the date on which he should give an answer, I or she. And from that date, if she calls or writes, I will already tell her not to call or write, and since he was afraid for her mental state, and did not want radical measures, he said that everything would be decided by the date. The date came, he came, he said that’s all, there’s a point, that’s just the reason for the breakup, he said, in my opinion, completely ridiculous, that somehow everything is not right ... I don’t want ... other views on life .... and that you are not ready to move for me to another city. I didn’t like it then, but I decided to trust the man and let go of the situation. Time passed and again a call from her, he does not take, resets, turns off the sound, hides, runs around with the phone, does not let go. I make a decision, I say everything, you don’t need to come anymore - until you put an end to it, you convey it to the person adequately, and she stops calling. Because, in his opinion, he said everything, and she does not receive feedback, but she calls and writes and cries endlessly into the phone. He left. A couple of days later he collected all, all of her things (they did not live, but she remained at his house, before us), and took her to her. That's all. Returned home, began to live again. But the phone is again on silent and always under his control. And what do you think the call is again -|) He resets. I insist on showing the correspondence - like all the letters are from her, there is no answer from him. We put up. And just recently, at night, the message “. .remember how we dreamed about this ... about that, remember? let's not ruin everything! Come on? Half the night we have a showdown with him, scandals, I have to work, neither he nor she needs it. That makes it even more embarrassing. In the morning, not a word, not a half a word, I say show your dialogue, it says it’s not there, deleted it. Well, show that it’s empty, I won’t show it. I say let’s not quarrel, just show it, I’ll see that there’s nothing from you and that , the conflict is settled, -no-, well then you give me a field for fantasy - then point - he silently leaves the room without showing. Well, it became clear to me that the correspondence is ongoing, and on both sides, maybe there is no relationship, since we are together all the time, but they did not stop communicating. This time I decide to finish everything. And so without tears, tantrums, torment at all, I just coldly and carefully make a decision. That's all. And to be honest, the head really took over the heart and there was not even any torment. The mind weighed everything and thought that it was not necessary to interfere, interfere, and must be left alone, relationships would not work on a broken heart and the ruins of a living relationship. But in the evening he came to just calmly talk without hysterics. I was not against it, because I was not even afraid to see him and change my mind. He said that he did not love her, that he just had a very soft character, that he was afraid that she would do something to herself, that he had never had such a thing with me, that he simply did not believe his happiness that he had met me, he wanted children from me, wants me to be his wife, but she writes endlessly, and he keeps his finger on the pulse and is afraid to put her on the black list, which is not so beautiful - that he is the initiator of the gap and she did not expect, and he does not have Right now it hurts so much to hurt her. I'm already tired to be honest. We silently drove home, I just wanted to be alone, to be with myself. Because this is the first time for me, and I just didn’t know how to react correctly, push ... let go .... On the way, he received an SMS from her of an intimate nature, about her fantasies regarding him, gave me a phone number, I read everything, everything, there is feedback ... yes! although it is so dry, not emotional, but there is ((((((((((((((I'll call you back ... I'll dial a little later ... no, I keep our memory ... we'll talk later. She moved to our city for him. He communicates with his family, he does not interfere with this in correspondence ... even supports her desire, says that there is nothing terrible in this, communicate. I'm tired. I'm tired of proving, understanding, insisting and swearing even tired - I won’t leave one, the night was with me, put her on the black list everywhere, wrote in front of me that she wouldn’t write to him anymore, and that he had a new life. I begged not to quit, to give a second chance, I said I'll think about it. In the morning, hiding the phone again, as if to save my nerves, she already says across her throat and he has no more strength to talk about her, swear, that's enough already. I'm confused, is this going to continue forever? Or do you need to pull yourself together and leave? Or just endure this time of breaking, parting, resentment together, he also says it’s hard for him, it’s not easy for me, everything is so twisted. I don’t even know (Or since he is so indecisive, I should write to her myself (but I like this option least of all for many reasons), but also as an option.
Thanks a lot, found it! I decided to try to build a strong relationship. I left for 3 days to my parents, took everything, thought it over. I see his sincere repentance, and regret about the current situation. I hope this was definitely such a last stormy splash that opened both his and my eyes. I will do everything in my power to ensure that these relationships are preserved, and after this situation they become even stronger. Tomorrow we meet after 3 days of separation (before more than half a day we were not separated). Missed aaaaaas .... and he writes that too. I will be grateful for your kind, professional advice for the future and specifically for a meeting that would fix this sad experience, leave it in the past and certainly not repeat it in the future.
Hello. Please help me deal with the situation. I'm in a relationship for 1.5 years. I'm 12 years older than him. The difference is visible, but not striking. He likes older women. First they met. The reason for the break with the second half was us. I have been married for 8 years. He lived with a girl for 5 years. Then he began to live in two houses. Me and my parents. In connection with work .. I live in another city and he travels far, so he sometimes stays with his parents .. We agreed not to communicate with the former. I have two children, for him it is not a hindrance. But he often said that he wanted a child. Due to his health, pregnancy did not occur. And unexpectedly for the two of us, the test showed two strips. We were very happy, I have never seen him so happy. But just a few days later, he began to have doubts that something would be wrong with the child (of course there are some fears). I explained to him that pregnant women undergo a lot of tests for deviations in the development of the fetus, but so far we have not come to a consensus. But the matter is further aggravated by the fact that he continues to communicate with the former. At first he said that give time and everything will be fine. He swears to me in love. And recently a conversation took place. I had expressed my dissatisfaction before, but then I began to put pressure on him and said that it was time to stop communicating with her. And he admitted to me that he couldn’t do anything and it seemed to him that he loved both of us. I kicked him out, he left, but literally half an hour later he arrived and began to say that he couldn’t live without me, that he loves. He wants to live with me all his life. I love him very much and forgive him. Decided to see what happens next. How can I make him decide on the choice. I know for sure that he doesn’t change me, at least for the moment.
I don’t know what exactly… just some kind of instinct… well, what else could move me, we work a lot because of this, we don’t spend time together, we don’t really talk, although we work together. no sexual life for a month… cooled down a bit… although sometimes there are bursts of attention… but despite this, caring, asks how her health went to the hospital (health problems). I think that I get very tired because of the work, because I myself see that it is difficult. He took me to St. Petersburg for the new year to meet his parents. he hadn't noticed anything like this before. I hope that all the same the meeting was friendly, why, because, in principle, I remained on good terms with my ex. He’s 29, I’m 20… in a year of relationship, they swore only a couple of times, and that’s not serious… When I want to talk about why this is happening in a relationship, he asks to be left behind. Well, you can also understand that he still didn’t have enough womanish problems. and It is possible that he didn’t want to talk about the meeting because he didn’t want a scandal. knows that she is jealous… Helps me in treatment. but now it’s been tense communication for two days now because there were attempts to talk about us and he went crazy ... now he comes home from work and snarls, doesn’t really communicate ... but tonight he even seems to have thawed out. through social networks, he looked at how my day went (although he never does this), he asked if I was at home .... To be honest, I really want to believe that I just screwed myself up, the meeting was friendly and did not carry anything in itself.
and about sex life, it’s also understandable when you get tired like a dog at work, the only thing you want is to eat and sleep ..
maybe I'm too naive ... but I love him what to do ...
Good evening!
I have such a situation, I broke up with the former for a year. In the fall, I started communicating with the MCH, he also broke up with his, but at that time they had a gap of 2-3 months, we talked with him, went to the cinema, etc. ... we began to communicate very closely ... it was approaching the new year, I thought to meet together, but he said that he would be at home with his mother, and then sleep. As a result, I saw on New Year's Eve their joint photos with the former, I was very upset, because I had already fallen in love, but I didn’t get flustered and spent ng with friends. Then she left the city, and he did not even write or call from January 31 to January 3.
I could not stand it and wrote first (there was a reason, he had my phone case, and I wanted to pick it up) to which he calmly reacted and said yes we will meet and I will give you back, but after I asked him how he met ng, he replied that it was just good ... to which I sent him a screenshot of the photo where they were already at his house together ... and said that I felt good with him, but let's leave it good last year. He didn’t react very well, he didn’t like my answers - well, that’s fine, and when I said that I would pick him up and our communication would end there. As a result, we agreed to meet on the same date, I couldn’t, then for three days in a row he couldn’t, and finally we meet with him (when he froze me for three days, I said let him throw out the cover, I don’t need it, he asked Me - so it was a pretext for a meeting?! Of course, yes) She comes with flowers, I have a conversation with him, he simply said, it happened, but we are not together with her, I tell him, if you haven’t finished anything there, go back there, but forget about me, he said no, everything is there. Then I ask him if you want a chance, he said I want it, then I asked him if you need this chance, he said you need it. Since then, they began to communicate very closely with him, spend more time together, again cafes, cinema, etc., introduced me to friends. He said - you see how close you are to me, I introduce you to my friends, I really appreciated it. When I don’t visit him, he says that my mother asks about me. But today I found pictures where he is in a common company with the former, they are sitting next to him, this photo is just at the end of January and now there are suspicions that he is talking to her, although I don’t show him that I’m jealous, throwing tantrums is not mine ... Not I know what to think ... fell head over heels in love with him ...
Hello, I have been talking with MCH for more than a month. We recently spent a weekend together, a lot of emotions, everything was perfect. He introduced me to friends, business partners, introduced me to everyone as his girlfriend. But then I find out that he is going to visit relatives and friends of the former, according to her presence (they broke up 4 months ago, he says that he told her that he fell out of love with her, they have no future, etc.) During his stay there, he wrote to me only a couple of messages, I didn’t even wish good night and good morning today, the situation is heating me up, I don’t want to be deceived later. But I also think it’s not entirely appropriate to present something, because we don’t know each other so well ... Tell me what to do?
Good afternoon, I would like to hear your opinion after reading an article about a man's communication with his ex-wife.
We live abroad, I'm 24, he's 30. His ex-wife is 42 and they have a 4-year-old daughter in common.
The wife herself wanted to divorce him after she and her daughter could not successfully move to, at that time, her husband. I couldn’t help her with work, and if I found something, then it didn’t suit her, she returned home, and filed for divorce. I met my young man at the stage of divorce, initially I perceived their communication as the norm, since there is a common child and financial issues. He told me that she knows about me, it’s normal for everything that they are friends.
But, the further into the forest - the more firewood. I've been very jealous lately, his ex is terribly annoying to me. As it turned out, she is far from being an adult and intelligent woman. When I found out about our relationship, I married an oriental man who is 26 years old so that he could leave his country because he lives in poverty there. She herself is now going with her daughter to him. On the weekends, my martyr calls up my daughter and you can hear that the girl does not like me: my mother sets me up. Also, in the tone of his ex, it is clearly audible that I am definitely unpleasant to her.
This whole situation upsets me very much, I can’t understand if the martyr loves me, because he constantly calls and consults with her on all issues, says that her opinion is important to him, and this despite the fact that a person either marries evil, then a child against me sets up, so that we would not have a quiet life.
But in general, the martyr introduced me to his friends, even to my mother. Although he did not introduce his girlfriend. It seems like he is planning a future with me, he says that he will not return to the former and will not leave me, he says that he loves.
Tell me how to be? Should I be worried about their relationship? How to behave? Her influence on him is very annoying. Influences him and can affect our relations in the future. I’m trying to explain that I would listen to her less - it’s perceived as shtiki.
More likely, she wants her and her daughter to move here to us, in order to get the opportunity to see the child. It's just as worrisome. My friends say that I'm just comfortable with him at the moment and it's not clear how it will end. I asked him directly, he says that I invent a lot of nonsense. And here is it possible to find a place for yourself.
I am sitting here emotions in my soul and waiting for the moment when she arrives and it becomes clear what and how.
Hello, Elena! I was 22 when 2 years ago I met a guy (was 27 at the time) he said that he has a girlfriend who lives in another city. but we still met a couple of times for coffee. Then he left for the New Year holidays, as I understand it. When I returned, we began to see each other more and more often. We already behaved like a couple, but I could not bear the fact that somewhere there is his girlfriend, I burst into tears and explained the situation. He said that he could not end the relationship with her by phone and would part with her personally at Easter. According to him, their relationship was already too bad due to distance and other factors. After his parting with her, everything was like in a fairy tale. Then he went a couple of times to his parents. The first call was when I accidentally found a printed photo of him with her from the concert, which was after the official breakup just when he was leaving for his “parents”. I can’t present anything, because in fact I found it in his things, and this is not good. Then I saw that she was writing to him. Said I didn't like it. A few months later I saw that she was writing to him again. Says it doesn't mean anything. And now 2 years have passed since we knew each other, but he doesn’t tell friends and parents about the date, because at that time he was still on the other. And I have almost forgotten everything, since he does so much for me, he literally wears it in his arms, but reminders of his ex put me out of action completely ... and even knowing about those photos that I illegally found. Talked about it a thousand times, he says how much he loves me and he never loved me so much before, and I can see it. But it still feels kind of uncomfortable. What is this? Self-doubt or something serious? Every time he picks up the phone, I think that she is texting him. Thanks for the answer!
