Companionship between boys and girls. Communication of boys and girls within preschool age
sexual differentiation school identification
Before entering school, the child's need for personal affection determined his social circle. If this need continues to prevail, the emerging community may reject such a child, either because the school remains alien to him because of too strong attachment to the family, or because of his desire to win the personal favor of the teacher. In children, this rejection, which objectively reflects the dynamics of the formation of relations in a team, in extreme cases can take the form of bullying. Usually it falls on those children who do not have enough light signs of rejection to correct their behavior, and most often on boys. Such behavior does not coincide with ideas about masculinity. And when adults say: “What kind of a man are you?” Boys despise, and girls either join them in this, or accept the despised into their company and even protect from other boys. None of these spontaneous pathways contribute to the formation of muscular behavior. Only very subtle and delicate help from adults can lead girls to respect such a boy as a boy, and through this - to a change in the attitude of the male part of the team towards him.
Bozhovich L.N. argued that a preschooler is usually evaluated according to some one attribute that provides him with a permanent place in a certain group: strong, smart, sings, draws, etc. It is completely different for a schoolchild: he can be the first in mathematics and the last in physical education, and having advanced in physical education, he may be the last in reading. "He is constantly moving from one group to another, from one place in the group to another - he knows himself as the center of many and different possibilities."
Previously, the child had a relatively narrow circle of comrades, mostly peers, and. as a rule, quite known to parents. Now he is increasingly being surrounded by children of different ages, cultural levels and behaviors. Feeling like a member of a motley yard company, a recent preschooler, asserting himself in the eyes of the group, will consider it his duty to act in accordance with the aspirations of more active and knowledgeable ringleaders, which may not always be clear to him. Such a group may raid softly playing girls, accompanying this "feat" with offensive and obscene remarks. Participants in such an action, as a rule, are not aware of its motive, much less the meaning of the words thrown at the girls. Repeated repetition of such actions can help to consolidate the way of behavior when a girl or a woman is offended casually, without the desire to offend, out of a desire for “male superiority”.
The younger student already has some idea of help and empathy. But it is concrete and based not on an understanding of the objective meaning of actions, but on the positive emotional dependence of the child on the approval of an adult. Collective relations, as was said, are only being formed. The student does not yet understand the situation of another, cannot imagine himself in his place. Moral behavior, expressed in sympathy and help, lags behind the formal knowledge of “what is good”, and negative behavior is ahead of the possibility of judging “what is bad”.
In the primary grades, there are conditions that encourage and accelerate the process of developing self-esteem: the child determines his place among others, makes attempts to imagine his future on this basis. It is impossible to deny the role of temperament and character in the formation of self-esteem and the level of claims, but it is necessary to emphasize the leading role of social and environmental factors, in this case, schools. Already in the 1st and 2nd grades, low achievers and excellent students may develop an overestimated self-esteem. Stepina N.M. states that an obstacle to the proper development of the personality of children with high self-esteem is their lack of self-criticism, and for the normal development of the personality of children with low self-esteem, low self-criticism. The examples given by the author show how self-esteem affects the level of aspirations in the future and how it differs in boys and girls. In girls' ideas about the future, the motives of the family, emotional attachment, and the desire to be beautiful and loved are clearly heard. The life plans of the fingers are more focused on self-development, self-realization.
Moreno J. believes that the psyche of a younger student is characterized by "contemplative curiosity." He emphasizes the insufficient differentiation of perception, its connection with action, and the predominant development of involuntary attention. Hence the significant need for visibility, the desire to touch, take in hand everything of interest. This desire is enhanced by the pronounced emotionality of children. “Many contradictions of this age are connected with the fact that the younger student, who is at the “pre-moral” stage of the dominance of subjectivity in behavior, begins to enter the phase of objective interests and determining his place in the team, developing positions in relation to duties.
In the lower grades, the foundations of moral behavior and consciousness continue to be laid. The noted features of emotionality favor the enrichment of experiences, and on the threshold of adolescence, children already have a certain moral potential, which to a large extent will determine the course of the puberty period. Insufficient development of the will and impulsive behavior, curiosity, gullibility, imitation - this is the main thing on which the educator relies and which, contributing to the educational process, can also carry a certain danger. A younger student, usually not being able to clearly identify an element to follow, imitates in everything. The girl copies her older friend or the heroine of the film, not only trying to reproduce the main thing she likes, but also adopting an attitude to appearance, to the opposite sex - she can get a manicure, impress her parents with a sudden change in hairstyle, start sighing over the portrait of a film actor. The boy can not only build up strength, striving to be like his hero, but also adopt from him the features of vulgarity and rudeness, by no means a virtuous interest in women. In these cases, adults face a difficult task: to identify the primary incentive to imitate and, without offending it in the eyes of the child, to clear it of everything superficial, random, undesirable. It is useful not only to explain that this or that trait is not good, but also to show how and in what way it interferes with its owner. However, only by explaining and demanding, without showing an example of their own attitude and behavior, adults contribute to the fact that children can make the observance of moral norms and rules directly dependent on the situation, the mood of adults, develop an idea of the formality of morality and morality - morality for school, morality for the home, morality for the company of peers, morality for oneself, etc. The child takes the first lessons of hypocrisy, double morality from adults who by no means set themselves the task of teaching these lessons, but who believe that a child should be educated by appealing only to his consciousness , mind .
The active, effective exactingness of adults and the group of peers introduces children into the circle of social duties. Contrary to the opinion of some parents, healthy children usually not only do not get tired of responsibilities, but actively seek them out. Not finding them at school and at home, the child will look for and find them in other places, and perhaps in completely unacceptable, ugly forms. The street is strong with its rich arsenal of means of influence, addressed not only to the mind, but above all to feelings and experiences.
At primary school age, a number of new psychological qualities are formed. “Already by the 3rd grade, in the course of directed educational influences, arbitrariness is formed as a special quality of mental processes, and in connection with it, a sense of duty.” For some, this is stable and manifests itself in a wide range of life relationships, for others only in individual actions or a relatively narrow sphere of behavior, for others it is still poorly developed, some can be obedient, but only as required. The ability to plan actions for oneself, internally, develops. The ability to evaluate one's actions as if from the outside begins to take shape. This skill underlies reflection-quality, which allows you to reasonably and objectively analyze your thoughts and actions from the angle of their compliance with the plan and conditions of activity.
For a long time I believed that primary school age is sexually neutral. In psychoanalysis, it was seen as a "latent" period. In a number of valuable and meaningful domestic manuals, one can also find a generalized, “asexual” analysis of the psychology and behavior of a younger student. From the generally recognized fact of friendship with members of the same sex as an important feature of this period, provisions on sexual latency cannot be deduced - it refers more to heterosexual activity than to sexual interests, and does not mean the cessation or temporary stop of the psychosexual development of boys and girls. “We forgot the stork at the age of nine, we started listening to adults at ten, at the age of thirteen, let my mother forgive me, we knew everything, even though we didn’t know anything,” writes Krol V.M. .
Girls in their circle discuss the first romantic heroes, fashion, housekeeping, prefer lyrical literature, become especially close to their mother and, with favorable relations with her, confide their secrets to her, are more drawn to teachers, and can collectively fall in love with a male teacher. For both boys and girls, this is the period of formation of self-assessment as a representative of a certain gender. The polarization of the sexes is a natural pattern of development, outwardly manifested often by actions of an aggressive or defensive nature, which reflect an internal interest in the other sex. Zaporozhets A.V. gives an example when a boy pulls a girl's braid and when asked by the teacher why he did it, he answers: "I like her." Being in the mouth of a child rather an exception to the rule, this explanation reveals the true motives of outwardly aggressive or defensive behavior. As a rule, it does not cause any serious conflicts; we have repeatedly noted in girls a sense of resentment and routine in the absence of these peculiar signs of attention. Recently, more and more clearly one has to observe in girls of this age a boyishly aggressive style of behavior, which previously manifested itself, and even then not always and not in all, only in the puberty period. Apparently, both acceleration and a certain shift in gender roles and ideas about masculinity - femininity in modern society and the family are affecting here.
M. Kieneg cites data that refutes the concept of sexual latency in a 7-year-old child. Children either do not realize or hide their sexual interests and their manifestations. “As has already been pointed out, this secrecy can be greatly enhanced and maintained by educational omissions in the tendency of a gradual increase in masturbation at this age, heterosexual and, less frequently, forging games in boys. Similar data were obtained for girls, whose sexual activity, however, is lower. At 10-12 years old, boys move from expressing a desire to marry someone to a desire to love a future girlfriend and, finally, to joint social activity, to an increase in the number of friends of the opposite sex.
Mukhina V.S. and Lisina M.I. indicated the existence of a difference between the sexes, details of conception and birth, menstruation and wet dreams, sexual intercourse. Some children were afraid to lose their gender differences, others expressed a desire to change their gender. Some mothers specifically talked about falling in love with children, about masturbation, about conditional sexual manifestations (sucking fingers, biting lips and nails, picking one's nose, pulling out hair, constantly keeping hands in pockets). Peers and literature were the predominant sources of information for children about gender, for girls - often the mother and much less often the father - for boys.
Nikolskaya I.M. studied that a third of boys and girls at this age heard for the first time about the difference between the sexes, with 4 out of 5 receiving information from peers and older children, and every 6-7th perceived them emotionally. From similar sources, 36% of boys and 68% of girls of this age received information about childbirth. For every 4th boy and every 5th girl it was emotionally significant. In half of the cases, boys and somewhat more often girls understood the role of the father; almost all boys and half of the girls - from the explanations of their peers and older children, 15% - from their parents; this information was perceived by many with excitement, often as something amazing. The essence of pregnancy was revealed for 60% of boys and 52% of girls, of which, thanks to parents - 9% of boys and 24% of girls from specialists 5 - 7% of children. " Parents did not explain the essence of sexual intercourse, but 63% of boys and 43 % of girls, and from the observation of sexual intercourse, respectively - 30% and 19%, from peers and older children - 65% and 68%, from the literature - 20 ° / o and 24% often with disgust, reaction.40% of boys (9% from fathers) and 66% of girls (61% from mothers) learned about menstruation and wet dreams.45% of boys and 6% of girls learned about contraceptives (only a few - from specialists and parents If 10% of boys and 1% of girls reported masturbation, then 33% and 10%, respectively, learned about it: every tenth - visually, every fifth boy and every second girl - from literature, approximately every second - from peers h every tenth - from outside adults.The main verbal farms of acquired knowledge about the sex deserve attention: in medical terminology - 27% of boys and 43% of girls and, respectively, in philistine expressions - 52% and 42%, in cynical and abusive expressions - 26 and 2%, in "childish" expressions - 3% and 5%. Two boys and three girls reported onset of sexual activity before the age of 12, three boys and two girls - about homosexual love, 56% of boys and 36% of girls - about heterosexual love. In isolated cases, boys and girls had a desire to be naked. Every third boy and every 16th girl spied on the intimate departures of persons of the opposite sex.
These data testify to the erroneous idea of the sexual latency of the younger schoolchild. Differences in parental information about the sexual behavior and interests of children, on the one hand, and young people about their childhood, on the other, apparently reflect not only age trends, but also the errors of previous sexual education. Different times of awareness of sex according to parents and according to young people only strengthens this assumption.
The lack of due attention on the part of parents, teachers and doctors to sex education, the predominance of opinions about the asexuality of a younger student lead in some cases to the fact that sex education is carried out secretly with educators, sex problems are discussed using obscene language means that make it difficult to subsequently properly get to know them and contributing to the pollution of ideas about sexuality, its perception as a shameful, forbidden side of human life. This inevitably contrasts with the natural development of gender identification and the formation of male and female social roles, which can often lead to the emergence of conflict-neurotic tension, sometimes to neurotic maladjustment of children.
Although at this age many socio-psychological characteristics of boys and girls coincide, a number of them show differences. The gender of students does not affect their status in the class. Sociometric studies have shown that the percentage of mutual choices of boys and girls is low, while girls choose boys more often than boys choose girls. The stability of preferences, including the choice of friends, is weaker in boys, while in girls it closely correlates with general stability. Schoolgirls who needed approval were the most popular among their peers, because it is more important for girls to be socially acceptable. With boys, such faces are the least popular.
"At the age of 10, girls are less sincere and more neurotic, boys are more extroverted." A number of differences are associated with the learning process: in the development of speech, girls are more successful than boys, while boys are more successful in mathematical judgments and spatial operations. More often, boys perform tasks better alone, and girls - in a group, and it is better in a mixed sex; girls cope better with tasks that allow for an ordinary or template method of solving; already in the primary grades, boys are superior in their ability to produce creative ideas; the influence of special factors (level of education in the family, teacher assistance) on girls is much higher; boys often have behavioral and learning difficulties: volitional delay in motor reactions is greater in girls; boys have less time for verbal-associative reactions.
Thus, the child finds himself in conditions that encourage and accelerate the process of developing self-esteem. The ability to internally plan one's actions and deeds is developed, as if to see oneself from the outside. At this age, a latent knowledge of themselves by children occurs, which leads to the separation of girls and boys, as well as the manifestation of sympathy on both sides.
An hour of communication about the problems of the relationship between boys and girls for grade 6
A characteristic feature of adolescence is the puberty of the body, which affects the relationship between boys and girls. Moreover, sometimes these relationships take on the features of gender violence (in the middle classes, mainly actions against property and verbal violence, which sometimes has a sexual connotation).
According to the researchers involved in this issue, "in school groups there is a hidden 'civil war' between boys and girls, although teachers often do not see the problem of gender violence in relations between children."
Psychologists believe that the main cause of violence is the inability of children to express positive feelings.
The proposed class hour allows you to talk with younger teenagers about the characteristics of their gender roles. A significant place in the scenario is occupied by game situations aimed at expressing the positive feelings of children.
The event is held on the eve of March 8, so more attention is paid to girls during it. At this age, they are biologically more mature than boys, and the whole atmosphere in the class team may depend on their correct behavior.
Goals: to give children an idea of the difference in characters, interests and hobbies of boys and girls, of mutual respect as the basis of relationships; continue acquaintance with the basics of etiquette; to develop the skills of friendly and open communication of children with each other; develop a culture of relationships between students of the opposite sex; contribute to the rallying of the children's team, the creation of a friendly atmosphere in the classroom.
Equipment:
1. For the work "Portrait of the perfect boy. Portrait of an ideal girl ": prepare tips (2 copies) - notebook sheets on which positive qualities are recorded. During the event, the teacher hands them to girls and boys
plays guitar
respects others
cultural
does not swear by mother
decent
fair
educated
polite
independent
pleasant companion
dances well
romantic
independent
Beautiful
careful
modest
playing sports
knows how to behave in society
does not laugh at other people's grief
help in difficult times
noble
dresses with taste has a sense of humor
able to listen and empathize
2. For educational situations “Learning to express positive feelings”:
a) the game "Who is brave?": cards with the names and surnames of the girls of the class. On each card, write one of the phrases intended for this particular girl. Then roll into tubes and put in a box.
. (Name) You look great today!
. (Name) You are very beautiful today!
. (Name) This hairstyle really suits you!
. (Name) Talking to you is a pleasure!
. (Name) I'm glad to see you!
. (Name) You are charming as always!
. (Name) You are very smart and beautiful!
. (Name) Smile, you have such a bright smile!
. (Name) Your eyes shine like rays!
. (Name) How neat you are, you just shine all over!
. (Name) You are just a wonderful girl!
b) the game "Sympathy Relay Race": numbered cards, each of which contains one of the following phrases.
1. I really sympathize with you, how can I help?
2. Cheer up, it can happen to anyone.
3. Poor thing! How I pity you! Are the arms and legs intact? It is most important.
4. Does anything hurt? Get up, I'll help you get to the infirmary.
5. Are the buttons in place? I can sew, if that.
6. Don't worry about notebooks, I have spare ones - I'll share them.
7. Give me your backpack and jacket, we will dry them with the girls on the radiator.
8. Why, your feet are completely wet! You can easily catch a cold! Sit down by the radiator and warm yourself, and we will ask that you not be called to the blackboard.
9. Well, how are you, if you need anything, ask, do not be shy. We will help the girls.
10. Dried out a little? You need to warm up, we brought you a hot tea from the cafeteria.
11. Well, feel better? Don't be discouraged, we are with you!
12. Hold on, your friends won't leave you!
Decor: Write the name of the class hour on the board. Below, draw two circles so that one circle overlaps the other; inside one write "World of boys", inside the other - "World of girls".
class plan
I. Discussion "Who is to blame?".
II. Conversation "Boys and girls - two different worlds."
III. Portrait of the perfect boy. Portrait of the perfect girl.
IV. Educational situations "Learning to express positive feelings."
1. The game "Who is brave?".
2. The game "Relay race of sympathy."
V. Closing remarks.
VI. Summarizing.
Class hour progress
1. Discussion "Who is to blame?"
Classroom teacher. Today, on the eve of the holiday of March 8, we have gathered to discuss a very important topic: friendship between boys and girls - is it possible? Is she in our class?
In fairness, it must be said that between the two holidays - February 23 and March 8 - something like a short truce is established between boys and girls. But then again resentment, complaints, aggression, enmity.
Who is to blame for this?
(Boys and girls speak out.)
Boys:
Mostly girls are to blame. They tease the boys all the time, tease them, and that's what they get.
Girls are always the first to complain, even though they themselves are to blame. And boys don't like it when they talk.
Boys are sometimes just bored at recess, so they bully girls so that they chase after them.
Girls cannot admit their guilt, they want to always be right. And they must give in.
The boys are to blame, they should be defenders, and they themselves constantly offend girls.
Boys are just jealous that girls study better and behave better, teachers praise them more often.
It is the boys who must yield to the girls, because they must be knights.
Classroom teacher. Or maybe both sides are to blame - they just do not want to understand each other?
II. Conversation "Boys and girls - two different worlds"
Classroom teacher. We can say that girls and boys are two different worlds.
Girls and boys are different from birth and develop differently too. Scientists have found that they have different brains, different psyches, different ways of development. A boy and a girl look and see differently, listen and hear differently, speak and remain silent differently, feel and experience.
Why do you think women are called the "weak half of humanity" and men are called the "strong"?
Sample statements from children:
Men have always been stronger than women - they fought, hunted, lifted weights.
Women did housework, they did not have to train their muscles, learn to use weapons, they were physically weaker.
Classroom teacher. And some believe that both men and women are strong in their own way.
So, for example, boys have a larger brain, boys have a tendency to explore new spaces, which is why they are so interested in means of transportation and influence (machines, tools). Boys think faster in difficult situations, they are able to make non-standard decisions. And the girls are very well oriented in the familiar space, in what surrounds them. In everyday life, girls are more practical than boys. Girls are more obedient, executive, they adapt to changes more easily.
On the board you see two circles: one is the world of boys, the other is the world of girls.
What would you put in a boys world? (Cars, weapons, tools, construction sites, sports, etc.)
And what does the world of girls consist of? (Clothes, children, food, house, dishes, etc.)
It turns out that what boys lack, girls have, and vice versa. Why do you think nature did this? (Because boys and girls complement each other.)
True, they complement each other, and together they are stronger. As if two circles have merged, and the place of their confluence is our common world, in which it is good for both boys and girls.
Let's try to understand and accept our boys and girls as different and beautiful in their own way, as nature created them.
III. Portrait of the perfect boy. Portrait of a perfect girl
Classroom teacher. What human qualities do boys value in girls and girls in boys? Girls will make up the portrait of the ideal boy, and boys will make up the portrait of the ideal girl. You have 10 minutes for this task. You can use the hint (gives both groups a card with written qualities), in this card you can simply cross out the unnecessary, leaving the necessary. You can add something. The boys will give this card to the girls, and the girls to the boys.
(Music sounds, boys and girls discuss the task.)
Time is up. We listen to what the ideal boy looks like, whom all girls would respect.
(Representatives of the groups read the results.)
The ideal boy is ... (smart, kind, noble, respects girls, protects them, does not tease anyone, independent, independent, does not smoke, does not swear, dances well, plays sports, plays the guitar, polite, cultured, etc.) P.).
The ideal girl is ... (smart, kind, neat, educated, cultured, beautiful, dresses with taste, does not pretend to be a princess, modest, knows how to listen and sympathize, respects others, gentle, romantic, sublime, dances well, knows a lot and so on.).
Classroom teacher. Ideal means exemplary, you learned how to be a boy so that girls respect you and want to be friends with you. And what kind of girl do you have to be to earn the respect of boys.
IV. Educational situations "Learning to express positive feelings"
Classroom teacher. But so far we are far from ideal, so girls and boys in our class often quarrel, complain about each other, and cannot establish normal relationships. Psychologists explain this by saying that boys do not know how to express positive feelings, so they resort to violence. And girls, not understanding this, are often offended by boys. For example, if a boy pushes a girl, takes and hides her things and books, this most likely means that he likes this girl. So, girls, do not be offended!
1. The game "Who is brave?"
Classroom teacher. Now we will learn to express good, positive feelings: love, sympathy, pity, tenderness, joy. I propose to play the game "Who is brave?". This game is only for brave boys.
This box contains cards with the names of all the girls in the class. Each boy in turn takes a card from the box, calls the name of the girl, looks into her eyes and pronounces with expression the phrase that is written. As a reward for courage, he receives applause from the girls.
(All the boys go to the blackboard, take out cards from the box, say the necessary phrases. The girls applaud.)
I think the girls really enjoyed this game. What phrases do you remember the most? (“You are very beautiful today!”, “You are a wonderful girl!”, “You look great today!”, “You are charming, as always!”, “How glad I am to see you!”, etc.)
Boys, say such words more often, and you will receive the key to the hearts of girls.
2. The game "Relay race of sympathy"
Classroom teacher. Now let's play a game called Sympathy Relay. Girls play, because they are capable of sympathy and empathy. Imagine that one of our boys was in a difficult situation - it was pouring rain outside, he was running to school and right on the threshold he slipped and fell into a puddle. Such a nuisance can happen to anyone, but today (name, surname) will play the role of the victim.
Here is our victim. See how bad he is! He's soaked through! There was water in the backpack, books and notebooks were also wet. He sits on the steps of the school, and students run past, no one pays attention to him. How useful here is a kind word, simple participation!
What are the words to express sympathy? I have cards on which magic phrases are written, words of sympathy. I gave these cards to the girls at the beginning of the lesson. The girls will approach our victim, look him in the eyes and say the magic words of compassion. But girls can add their own words, they can generally express sympathy in their own words.
(The girls line up in accordance with the numbers of the plates. They take turns approaching the victim, pronounce their phrases and sit down.)
This is how the relay turned out. I think many boys would like to be in the place of our today's victim.
What phrases do you remember? (Children speak up.)
Do not lose heart, do not lose heart, hold on, we are with you - these are the words of support that everyone needs to know - both boys and girls. Then everyone in our team will be warm and good, like at home.
V. Closing remarks
Classroom teacher. Today we talked about girls and boys, that they are different, that nature created them that way. It is good if we learn to appreciate and understand this, not to imitate others, not to remake them, but to accept them as they are.
We also learned today to express our good feelings. It turns out that for this you need to say such simple words!
VI. Summarizing
Classroom teacher. Our class has come to an end.
What moment of today's class hour do you remember the most?
Do you think that the relationship between boys and girls will change after this class hour?
What do you think, for whom today's communication was more useful - for boys or for girls?
(Children speak up.)
The psychological characteristics of the male sex, albeit in an undeveloped form, are revealed already from an early age. As the child develops, they become more and more distinct. In each specific case, upbringing can contribute to their identification and development, or, on the contrary, smooth them out; at the same time, individual resistance to such a smoothing effect is different: some boys, in spite of any influences of others, demonstrate typical male features. others are amenable to these influences, and their behavior becomes less contrasting in comparison with the behavior of their peers. The relative nature of sexual psychological characteristics should also be taken into account: universal human traits, qualities, and properties are wider and completely cover specific sexual characteristics; therefore, we can talk about the predominance of any of them in males or females, and this predominance implies, firstly, a greater frequency of a property in representatives of a certain sex and, secondly, its greater severity in the presence of such a property in both sexes.
Boys develop both physically and psychologically at a somewhat slower pace than girls. It is known that they begin to speak on average 2-4 months later than girls, later they also develop many concepts related to relationships between people; when they start school, they tend to be less prepared than girls. Boys are slower and more difficult to develop such qualities as responsibility, conscientiousness, diligence; even with proper upbringing, it is on average more difficult to develop these qualities in males.
It is characteristic that girls, for example, feel more at ease with boys than boys with girls. At any age, female representatives are more inclined to turn to authorities in determining their position; in case of any difficulties, they are more inclined to adhere to established norms of behavior. Girls at school are easier to get to do any assignments. Apparently, therefore, teachers (mostly women) are more willing to give instructions to girls and underestimate the ability of boys to carry out such assignments. And often completely surprising and unexpected for them is the ability of boys to take the matter seriously, to show activity and independence; it is characteristic that the latter is often found precisely in extracurricular activities - for example, on a hike where the class goes. It is here that it turns out that boys can be serious, and businesslike, and active, and in this situation it is clearly more productive than girls. This is partly due to the fact that the school activity itself is closer in nature to the usual activities of girls than boys at home. and with the fact that the latter are always prone to more unexpected and out of the ordinary things that girls do. on the contrary, they are often disturbing
If young men in communication are guided mainly by peers, then girls in a significant part of them - by older male representatives (students, military personnel, etc.). As noted by I. S. Kon ("Psychology of Youthful Friendship", M., 1973), to the question: "What age of a friend would you prefer?" - young men prefer their peers (up to 80% of answers), less often older (up to 20%) and very rarely - younger. For girls, peers are also in the first place (up to 50--60%), but they very often prefer older ones (up to 40--50%) and do not choose anyone younger than themselves.
At the same time, it is females who are inclined to patronage activities, they are more willing to instruct, take care of younger children, care for them, etc.
The interests and inclinations of the male representatives are often directed to relatively distant objects and phenomena, sometimes far from what could be included in the direct duties of a boy, teenager, youth. Hence, a more pronounced tendency in the male sex to be distracted by extraneous matters, to do things other than what is directly required. If the focus of the girl, starting from an early age, is a person and the sphere of his immediate being - the relationship between people, surrounding objects, then the attention of boys is attracted to a much greater extent by distant objects and phenomena. Associated with this are better knowledge of girls about themselves, their greater attention to their appearance and to the peculiarities of the appearance and behavior of others, greater interest in the inner world, greater sensitivity to the feelings and experiences of a person. It is no coincidence that girls are 3-4 times more likely than boys to keep a diary.
Differences in interests and inclinations determine some important advantages of the male sex, a greater breadth of thinking, a broader outlook, "a better ability to compare distant objects and phenomena, greater objectivity of generalization, and at the same time important disadvantages - less everyday adaptability, a worse understanding of the necessary in comparison with understanding possible.
Differences in the perception of time and space are noticeable. Female representatives are more attracted to what is located directly next to a person - the house, the situation, the immediate environment, the people with whom one has to communicate. i.e. everything directly interconnected; representatives of the male sex, regardless of the immediate need, from everyday affairs. often interested in objects and phenomena remote, not connected in any way. The attention of the female representatives is not distributed so widely, but within the limits of what is perceived, everything is reflected in the minds more carefully and in detail. Therefore, in an unfamiliar environment (new terrain, new route, etc.), boys, teenagers, young men are more confident than their peers. If you want to know how to get or drive somewhere, where this or that object is located, etc., it is better to ask the boys: their explanations are always more useful, and often more sensible than the explanations of adults.
However, females often feel more confident and are more active in social situations. If the object, the area, the subject as a whole is sufficiently known to both boys and girls, then the latter know it better. It is no coincidence that, on average, they write better summaries and essays: they have more coherence and descriptiveness, more attention to detail, although not more fantasy. In the perception of the flow of time itself, female representatives are inferior to males, which, however, is not always noticeable due to their more responsible, on average, attitude to their duties.
Characterized by greater riskiness, "sweeping" behavior, greater mobility and restlessness of boys, adolescents, youths in comparison with their peers. True, this often peacefully coexists with the greater inertia of some of the male representatives in everyday life, in family affairs.
Apparently, the latter is connected with the peculiarities of upbringing and attitude to these matters. As S. Sheinkman rightly points out ("We are men". M., 1977), and unlike women, whose whole life is loaded with constant painstaking work, it has always been common for men to abruptly replace hyperactive activity with passive pastime, the danger of which is especially great in We note, however, that many women would be happy to have a rest, but there is no time, and men have the opportunity to afford such a rest.
All these features of the psychology of boys, adolescents, young men in various situations determine significant differences in their behavior in comparison with their peers. The lower maturity of boys in comparison with girls is especially clearly manifested in the lower grades. They are more distracted from the lessons, and their thoughts often wander far from what they should be doing. If girls have to be required to do their homework, then boys have to be forced to do it. Girls are, on average, more accurate, diligent, conscientious, and more efficient. Even if the boy thinks no worse. but it’s better for girls, it’s more difficult to make him think in the lesson than a girl. Boys' restlessness, their lesser ability to endure a static load is manifested in their more frequent violation of discipline in the lesson, in more noisy behavior during breaks. Less attention to himself and everyday activities finds expression in the fact that it is much more difficult for a boy to teach him to keep his workplace in order, but when he comes from the street. Carefully fold clothes and put shoes on. Boys pay much less attention to their clothes than girls, except in cases where the features of the clothes offered somehow affect their ideas about how a boy (as opposed to a girl) should dress - there can be a strong protest here, and the fact that the clothes are dirty or torn interests them and affects them less than girls.
Psychological differences between boys and girls are clearly expressed as the causes of academic failure. As noted by Yu. Babansky ("Optimization of the learning process" M., 1977), among the reasons for the failure of girls in all classes, poor health (i.e., an objective and valid reason) occupies a larger percentage, while failure associated with gaps in skills educational work, with a negative attitude towards learning, with a low level of upbringing, in boys is observed more often than in girls, and at all ages. In general, a complex of negative attitudes towards learning, disorganization, lack of system and lack of discipline is the cause of failure in boys about twice as often as in girls. It is no coincidence that, on average (in many countries), boys predominate among underachieving students.
At the same time, in the primary grades, the main difficulty in teaching boys is precisely their immature attitude to learning: they do not feel responsible, they worry little or do not worry at all because of poor grades and dissatisfaction of the teacher and parents, they forget what they are given, or do not give it values, and parents have to learn about homework for them. In fact, the boys here manifest themselves as children of a younger age. After all, it is known, no matter how smart and capable a small child is, you cannot demand much from him simply because of his age immaturity, but in fact in grades I-III, children of different ages sit at the same desk: on average, boys are younger than girls by a year -one and a half, although this difference is not in the calendar age.
Along with this, the boys also lack proper labor skills, and the qualities necessary for its successful implementation are not developed: perseverance, perseverance, patience, diligence, diligence, accuracy. Any kind of mental activity is difficult for them if it requires a conscious manifestation of activity, efforts on oneself. It is interesting at the same time that they tend to overestimate any success more than girls: if something works out, the eyes are ready to declare that it is easy and simple, the same thing that does not work out seems too difficult and complicated for them: in this lack of criticality. Boys are more likely than girls to experience mood swings - from excessive self-confidence to the loss of this confidence, although in general, in comparison with girls, they tend to overestimate themselves. In the case of a wrong upbringing, this can be combined in the most illegal way with a sense of superiority towards girls; this feeling is characteristic of the least mature males, those who themselves are far from the norms of behavior of their sex.
In educational activities, differences in the interests and inclinations of male and female representatives are fully manifested. In general, the circle of interests of boys is wider than that of girls. Boys have an advantage in knowledge of something special, rarer, special, but they are inferior to girls in knowledge of simpler and more common objects and phenomena.
Vocabulary in boys is usually wider, especially at the expense of more distant objects and more general concepts. Boys' speech is dominated by words that convey actions, while girls (and women in general) are more prone to subject-evaluative speech. Among those who do well in mathematics, there are more boys than girls; among those who do well in literature and foreign languages, there are more girls than boys. Apparently, the nature of the subjects of the humanitarian plan is more in line with the inclinations and nature of the thinking of girls, while the clear, more schematic and abstract nature of the subjects of the physical and mathematical cycle is more in line with the inclinations and nature of the thinking of boys. In their free time, boys are more likely to go in for sports, devote time to outdoor games, while girls are more inclined to read, play music, etc. Boys tend to collect collections of something in general more than girls, but the success of this activity can be almost the same: girls great accuracy helps out, boys - the best systematicity.
There are no significant differences in the attitude of boys and girls towards comrades and teachers. In the lower grades, both for those and for others, the greatest authority is the teacher. In adolescence, the opinion of comrades and intra-class relationships become increasingly important. At the same time, girls are more inclined to make critical statements about teachers and comrades, to complain about something, but this is more of the nature of a single reaction to a particular event, is rarely generalized, and generally does not reflect a negative attitude towards school-wide and intra-class affairs. On the contrary, boys are less inclined to evaluate any events and their statements are accompanied by a lesser emotional reaction. Nevertheless, in a number of cases it is boys who can develop a fairly stable system of negative attitudes towards school. A significant shortcoming of schoolchildren of both sexes is the inability to organize joint activities. This is partly due to the gender-indifferent character of the teaching and upbringing process, which undoubtedly affects the quality of both teaching and upbringing. Apparently, the possibilities of extracurricular work should be used more fully to develop the skills of joint activities of schoolchildren of both sexes. Another reason for the inability of schoolchildren of both sexes to organize joint activities is their wary attitude towards each other, usually initiated by adults.
When wariness, and at a certain period of some estrangement between boys and girls, is replaced by an ever-increasing mutual interest, their mutual activity does not find the right paths, since they are not prepared for this increase in mutual interest by previous education. As a result, many young men and women enter adulthood with rather vague ideas about the nature of the socially useful division of duties between men and women, with the inability to organize joint activities with representatives of the opposite sex, and experience great difficulties in communicating with them.
The upbringing of boys at school is, in general, a more difficult task for teachers, not only because among the latter the absolute majority are women, but also in connection with the psychological characteristics of the male sex indicated above. In general, it can be said that the school is currently coping worse with the education of males than the education of women. It is no coincidence that boys are on average inferior to their peers in academic performance, among them bad habits (smoking, drinking alcohol, swearing) are more common, and they often commit offenses. Therefore, knowledge of psychological gender characteristics and taking them into account in practical activities is necessary for everyone who is interested in the full-fledged education of the younger generation. And the difficulties associated with the upbringing of male schoolchildren can in no way justify the shortcomings that exist here.
Egorova Tatyana Vladimirovna
Job title: educational psychologist
Educational institution: MBUDO "CRTDiU"
Locality: Neryungri
Material name: parent lecture hall
Subject: Relationships between boys and girls in adolescence
Publication date: 19.01.2018
Chapter: secondary vocational
Parent lecture hall
on the topic: "The relationship of boys and girls in
adolescence."
By the age of 13, the first love comes to our children. It's the new adult way
interactions with the opposite sex.
Of course, love at this age is less stable than youthful love, and is more like
enthusiasm. The emerging feeling of adulthood, intensive development of the body, increased
hormonal background - all this contributes to a change in the relationship between boys and
girls. The immediate interest of communication disappears.
They begin to perceive each other as representatives of different sexes.
The process of identification with an adult begins - an unconscious transfer to oneself
feelings and qualities inherent in another person and desirable for oneself.
The boy begins to feel like a man, the girl - a woman. Hairstyle,
features of appearance, demeanor - all this gives information about what I am like
man (or me as a woman).
That is why for a teenager at this time, his own
appearance. Personal attractiveness begins to play a paramount role in the eyes
peers.
And here is the answer to your question: “What should real men and women look like?”
a teenager often finds in those programs that he watches. Actors and
pop singers become an object of imitation.
And here again we recall the physical development of the child. After all, the disproportions in
development between boys and girls can be a source of many
experiences.
In physical development, girls are ahead of boys. Therefore, against their background, the boys
look smaller and seem smaller. All this can lead to feelings of inadequacy.
a teenager (especially distinguish others by height, fullness). And in this case, it happens to him
adult support needed!
The emerging interest in the opposite sex first takes strange,
inappropriate forms. So, the appeared explicit or unconscious desire to have adults
the relationship of a boy with a girl can be expressed in exactly the opposite behavior.
An example of this is the manifestation of tenderness by adolescents towards girls. From one
On the other hand, such behavior is ridiculed. At the same time communicate with the subject
love, as before, is no longer possible.
That is why the love and tenderness of a teenager are transformed into behavior, outwardly
the opposite of falling in love - like pulling pigtails. But this is the form
drawing attention to yourself.
And girls are usually aware of this and are not offended, but in turn demonstrate their
attention - ignoring the object of affection. Here is such a paradox. It's easier
communicate with someone other than the one you are in love with. Because of this, the object of love is often
is generally divided: for example, one girl is ideally loved (they look at her, sigh,
but do not dare to approach), but show relations (walk) with another.
The immediacy of communication gradually disappears, stiffness appears or
shyness when communicating with the opposite sex.
Adolescents begin to experience tension from feeling in love. This gives
even greater external isolation in the relationship between boys and girls.
And now the girls are talking about the subject of their love in the ear of their girlfriend (less often -
group of peers), secretly sigh. And the boys, as if by chance, are next to
the girl you like in extra classes.
It is rare when at this age (11-13 years old) they openly express their sympathies. After all, it is necessary
be able to overcome their constraint, and resist ridicule from the outside
peers. And it's difficult.
Therefore, communication becomes more same-sex: boys with boys, girls with
girls. Even in team events or trickle-type games, they prefer
choose, as they say, their own.
Help your teen understand their feelings. Tell your son (daughter) that form
relationship with the subject of his passion, which will be most acceptable in this
situations.
Older teenagers (14-15 years old) communicate with each other more openly. Into their circle
communication included buddies of both sexes, and the lack of reciprocity leads to strong
negative emotions.
Communication with peers of the opposite sex can be very intense, and he
is given great importance. It is this kind of attachment that worries parents. Many
mom-dads know that the subject of passion can lead their dear child off the right track.
roads. After all, for the sake of a loved one, teenagers do incredible stupid things, about which
then regret for a long time. Therefore, parents are outraged by the dates that have begun.
daughters, their late returns home.
During this period, a loved one becomes the main thing for our children in life, which means
the smartest solution would be to get to know the subject of your child's passion, to find out
him as a person.
Then you can decide whether to influence the development of their relationship. And if so, you will
know how to do it. Let their relationship develop before your eyes. So calmer. AND
you will always be in the know and will be able to support the child in time and help with advice.
For a teenager, the initial interest in another, the desire for understanding
peer, the search for mutual compromises is the beginning of the development of the ability to accept
people in general.
Over time, a teenager highlights more and more personal qualities in others and
experiences. This develops in him the ability to evaluate both others and himself.
Communication with a peer of the opposite sex is the direct cause
to evaluate your experiences. Consequently, there is an accumulation of personal experience.
In these relationships, teenagers are very vulnerable. They often compare or equate
themselves with the heroes of films, literary works.
Often in dreams they build relationships with others according to a certain ideal scenario, in
where hope comes true. These dreams help them make decisions in fantasies
play them, and then transfer them to real life. It was at this time that many
teenagers write diaries, poems in which they reflect their experiences.
The desire to please becomes one of the most important aspirations of a teenager. special
importance is attached to looks, smiles.
Mutual glances at the lessons already oblige a lot - this is a sign
belonging to the object of affection. Then, at recess, the girls proudly
say to each other: You saw how he looks at me!
These views excite the imagination of adolescents, encourage reciprocal behavior in the same way.
spirit. If there are no reciprocal glances, then you can hear the desperate: He does not love me!
What should I do?
Touches take on a special value. Hands study, speak, inform.
Hands express all the internal tension of the soul and body.
These touches will be remembered for the rest of your life. Therefore it is very important
spiritualize adolescent relationships, do not belittle them, do not trivialize them.
For a teenager, this relationship is very serious! Remember? Maximalism and idealization. A
It means that love is the only one, serious and for life!
And the first disappointments are so strong and really unexpected for
child, that he is sometimes unable to cope with the feelings and pain that have washed over him.
And then there should be a friend. Best adult - parent or significant other
child man. He will be able to support, explain, console. If such a person is near
does not turn out to be, then grief can overwhelm so much that a teenager (and in fact, in
essence, he is still a child!) will not be able to cope with the flow of emotions. And then maybe
the unthinkable will happen.
A fairly large number of suicides at this age teenagers commit due to
unhappy love or feelings of loneliness ... At this age, teenagers are very vulnerable and
tell about the events of your life to your parents, in whose support they are still
need. But it is difficult for them to start such close communication.
Support him in difficult times without judging or lecturing. Just be there and
get in touch first.
Some teenagers violently and openly experience their relationship with the opposite sex.
Often it is this expressiveness that helps them survive disappointment.
Other teenagers do not experience it so openly and strongly. But they also dream of beauty
prince (princess), and when they begin to sympathize with one of their peers, they do not
express it to everyone.
They only secretly spy on the object of passion in those moments when it seems to them that
nobody sees them. But their love is just as short. And sometimes a teenager is more than
a real person, loves his dream of another, his fantasies.
But be that as it may, these first feelings often have such a strong impact.
on the soul of a teenager, that some memories of them carry through their whole lives, looking for
Adults are often tactless about manifestations of love among students, begin to
reproach and scold them, they often throw such rash phrases - “he is already starting
play at love”, “she is already getting mixed up with the boys”, etc., sometimes they even laugh evilly and
tease.
causes
teenagers
experiences.
ridicule
leads to the fact that boys and girls begin to be afraid to show even the usual
comradely feelings, and sometimes cease to be friends
It must be borne in mind that the relationship that arises in childhood and adolescence between
sexes, growing out of friendship during study, in play and work, are of great importance
for the future joint life of young people. The point is that different forms
favorable
conditions
incentive
repeated
loves
experiences
form
personality
teenager
render
positive
relationship
between the sexes in the future.
Friendship is not always associated with sexual desire, as you know, a girl with
girl, and a boy with a boy. Nevertheless, it is impossible not to see that the friendship of two young men and
the friendship of a boy and a girl has serious differences. The friendship of a girl and a boy has
poetic
emotionally
raised.
becomes more fit and polite, the girl - softer and more feminine. It's not yet
love, but it is already fanned by its presentiment, and life, illuminated by it, becomes more
bright and significant. The first love interest is sometimes the spark that
which ignites the "bonfire" of true human love.
A young man should not forget that his friend is a girl and that his duty is to
attitude towards her - to protect her maiden honor, to stand up for her if someone shows
offensive
relation.
experiences, helping her, spending hours of leisure with her, he should not allow any
redundant
liberties
permitted
proximity.
It is necessary to educate the boy from childhood in such a way that he possesses a certain
"a sense of distance" in relation to the girl, and the young man - to the girl.
Simplicity
naturalness
relations,
free
rudeness
frivolous flirting, decorate friendship. The famous teacher A.S. Makarenko somehow
asked: what should be a healthy relationship between a boy and a girl? He
answered: “Sincere, those who do not exaggerate or underestimate anything. When
do not deceive each other, when there is respect for oneself and for the other, then the relationship will
healthy, no matter what kind of relationship it is: friendship, love, etc.
in any case, if there is concern for the life and happiness of another, such relationships will always be
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