If a husband yells at his wife. What to do when your husband screams
Nowadays, people get married voluntarily and having at least sympathy for each other, if not love. But it also happens that relationships do not stand the test of time and deteriorate almost in the very first years of life together. A conflict is brewing, quarrels are becoming more frequent, and the woman asks herself the question: why does my husband constantly yell at me, humiliate and insult me, and even in front of the child? Unfortunately, many women have encountered this phenomenon.
Why is this happening?
Psychology has several reasons for such a change in a man.
- Perhaps the partners’ feelings were shallow, and the husband was the first to cool down; the household routine was added to this, and now he no longer wants to return home, where everything habitually irritates him. And the most dissatisfaction is caused by the wife whose appearance has changed after childbirth or for other reasons.
- Perhaps the husband was deprived of his wife’s attention, and this is how his resentment is expressed. He understands that he is behaving unworthily, but cannot restrain himself.
- Perhaps this is how a relationship crisis manifests itself, one of those that all couples go through. It can happen in the third, and in the seventh, and in the tenth, and even in the first: the situation is painful, but can be solved with the help of a psychologist.
- Perhaps the husband has a mistress, and by starting domestic scandals for no reason, he provokes his wife to initiate the divorce, thereby freeing his hands for a new relationship. He does not intend to take responsibility for the breakup of the relationship.
- Perhaps he has problems at work, and he takes out his complexes on the person closest to him. If a wife constantly hears from her husband that she is a bad housewife, a worthless lover, a boring person and a terrible mother, he is unlikely to be driven by the desire to make her better.
- Perhaps he has long wanted to end the relationship, but openly expresses his hostility only when he is under the influence. You should not attribute rudeness to the influence of alcohol; alcohol only helps to make the secret become apparent. Sooner or later he will start to break down and sober.
- Perhaps a woman depends on her husband financially or housing, she does not have the opportunity to provide for herself, much less raise children alone, and she is forced to endure insults and even beatings from an unruly lout for years. In this case, the woman is especially recommended to consult a psychologist who will help her restore self-esteem and outline ways out of the vicious circle.
- Perhaps the woman controls her husband too clearly, checks his phone, is jealous without reason, forbids him to see friends, and this can cause him to burst into indignation. The same thing can happen in response to a bad joke from a spouse on a slippery topic.
- Perhaps the marriage took place at a very early age, and when the charm of falling in love began to fade, the young spouse realized that he had not yet enjoyed freedom and that it was too early for him to bear responsibility for creating family relationships. Feeling tied down, he begins to take out his aggression on the woman he recently seemed to love.
- Perhaps in the family where this male individual grew up, it was customary to insult and humiliate his wife, mother, sisters and other relatives, and now he automatically copies the behavior of men of his kind.
Psychology knows a great many reasons why a husband yells at his wife, insults her, humiliates her, and even more so raises his hand against her.
The question is - what to do in this case?
To begin with, the wife should try to get her ill-mannered life partner to have a serious conversation about what happened, why he raises his voice at you and insults you in the presence of his own child. The sooner you understand what happened, the sooner the brewing conflict will be resolved. It is possible that he will give a reason that is not worth a damn - for example, jealousy of his school crush or a famous musician whose posters are hanging in your bedroom, or that you spend too much time shopping. Such problems are easily solved. But the conversation on this topic should be continued only if you are calm and the person does not become louder.
Sometimes it is enough to stop playing the role of the victim for the despot to cease being a despot.
But if insults and rudeness are heard again in response, think about whether it is worth looking for reasons in yourself, whether it is worth saving the family, is it possible to have an intimate relationship with this person after humiliation and insults, what attitudes will the child grow up with, will he repeat you or your husband When will the time come for him to start a family?
I am a professional psychologist with experience in solving problems related to family relationships. When such events occur in a family, you should not waste time, contact a specialist, this way you will save your self, nervous system and time.. I conduct consultations in a private office in the center of Moscow and online using.
If for some reason you cannot decide to have this conversation and further actions, you need the help of a psychotherapist. You can contact me by phone or through the electronic registration form on the website. I conduct consultations in person in an office in the center of Moscow or via Skype. There is always time in my schedule to listen to you and help you gather your strength. Our communication is completely confidential, you can trust me with everything you consider necessary, not a word will be passed on to third parties.
The belief that only women scream and are hysterical is greatly exaggerated. There are quite a few men who prefer to “loudly” declare their point of view. And it’s okay when a man shouts about something, but when he opens his mouth both on business and without business, then something needs to be done.
Indeed, what to do if your husband yells constantly? He is not embarrassed by those around him, his son sitting next to him does not stop him, he does not pay attention to anything. At first you tried to prove something, then you also started screaming. There was a time when you hoped that if you kept quiet, he would calm down quickly. But nothing changes, the husband continues to behave this way.
Let's start with the main thing: it is impossible to change a person. And this is the main mistake of all of us: we believe that we can make our other half like ourselves and instill our own views on life. Sometimes we spend our whole lives on this re-education, and in the end we come to the understanding that nothing can be changed. It is impossible to change a person, but you can try to retrain him. No one can guarantee that you will be able to direct the behavior of your beloved man in a different direction, but don’t sit with folded hands!
Any conflict can be resolved. The main remedy for resolving this situation is to talk about what is happening. You must speak calmly, without raising your voice under any circumstances. Do not expect that your chosen one will agree with you at that very moment and immediately correct himself. Most likely, he will scream again, trying to explain to you why he behaves this way and, most likely, he will say that you are provoking him. Better prepare for this right away. You have to endure it, no matter how difficult it is. Believe me, he is just waiting for this, for you to start screaming like him, and then you will hear: “It’s your own fault. You scream - and I answer!”
So, from time to time, talk and talk, suggest and suggest... Remember what they say: water wears away stones.
It is very awkward when the chosen one raises his voice in front of strangers. Parry calmly. If you have friends nearby, say: “Darling, let’s discuss this later.” If he doesn't stop, move away from people. Let him speak out. Never listen to insults in front of anyone. This will then certainly be spread around the world, plus it will also be multiplied many times over.
If your husband is too emotional and constantly screams, you can still fight this. But if the husband yells and even raises his hand, then we need to take action. If a man refuses to change, then think about whether you will continue to endure such hell. Perhaps it is worth gaining strength and breaking this vicious circle.
Psychologists They believe that passion and ardent feelings between lovers last about three years after they meet. In fact, happy families living in absolute harmony are rare. Most spouses eventually begin to quarrel, conflict with each other, and sometimes stagnation occurs in the relationship.
Manifestations of such stagnation may include changes in behavior. For example, a spouse may periodically switch to elevated tones when communicating with his beloved.
Only in fairy tales can there be serene relationship between people. Only those families who want to be together are able to preserve their tender love.
Psychologists advise understanding yourself. Ask yourself more often why your loved one was so wonderful that you lost your head in love. But after the wedding you cannot recognize him - he has changed and become completely different. All sorts of little things in his behavior began to irritate you. All the advantages of a loved one can be overshadowed by minor details.
Of course, this doesn't go anywhere comparison with a man screaming and this is definitely not a minor aspect of a relationship.
Your marriage will come with time end, if you began to find fault with your partner’s shortcomings, but progress in the relationship (at least) will not appear if you are indifferent to such manifestations as screaming. A man needs to be loved, his virtues remembered more often and, if possible, supported.
No need to merge together, for happiness. Most psychologists are sure that a small distance is necessary between spouses. Because excessive frankness is harmful, spouses will benefit from little secrets.
However, in certain situations you will need frankness. Although for this you need to make an effort and overcome possible fears. Two important areas of prevention include independent reflection and understanding of the cause of a man’s cry (we’ll talk about this later) and clarification of such manifestations with the husband.
Of course, here too it should be manifest a certain delicacy. In general, screaming is not typical behavior for a man, especially in... Screaming in the family is a sign of weakness (for the most part, especially if the reasons are minor).
In this regard, you again need navigate on the positive development of the situation and not take this weakness into account as such, but search for the reasons. It is possible that you are not providing your spouse with the emotional support she needs, or that your behavior is disappointing your man. Still, you are an active participant in the relationship, and you should understand your own responsibility.
It's sad, but many men " break down"on wives after any negative situations with other people or after their own wrong actions. Of course, this is difficult for a woman, but this is also a sign of a woman’s lack of ability to create emotional comfort in the house, an atmosphere in which a man could feel yourself as the best, to be filled with new aspirations, to understand why you should continue to act in this world.
It is in this direction as prevention The male cry should guide the strategy of female behavior. Yelling back at a man or swearing is sometimes appropriate, but for the most part it is only a sign of unspent sexual energy. If everything is in order with you in this regard, then you should be tolerant and over time, if you create a favorable atmosphere in the house and treat screaming with understanding, the man himself will understand how ridiculous such behavior is and will begin to appreciate you even more.
In conclusion We offer you some recommendations of a more practical nature. For many, they may seem frivolous, but in fact, it is these and similar nuances that make up your relationship and your coexistence. Read the tips from the Meduniver website in the psychology section and perhaps some will be useful to you.
1. If your spouse is watching a football match, you shouldn’t walk in front of it and sigh. There is absolutely nothing wrong with TV, football, chips and a little beer. Try watching the game once with your husband, maybe you will also like this kind of entertainment. And if you still can’t watch football, find something interesting to do during the football broadcast. In this case, the two of you will be satisfied.
2. Many wives are very susceptible and, having heard from their husband a refusal, for example, to buy new shoes or a trip to see their mother in the garden, at that very moment they begin to become hysterical. Most psychologists call this behavior simple blackmail, and many men cannot tolerate women’s tears and may resort to screaming.
3. What to do if husband- like to argue? There is no need to defend your innocence. Arguing is not good, but it’s also not necessary to constantly support him in everything. If you still decide to argue with your spouse, try to give him as many facts and arguments as possible, but you don’t need to go too far, you are a woman after all.
4. Yours husband- a fan of spending free time with your friends? The weekend is approaching, and you are already fully thinking about how your husband will go away to have fun with his comrades, and you will have to spend time alone and at home. There is no need to sit at home and wait for your loved one. And the likelihood that a considerable scandal will break out upon his return is quite high. You need to be more reasonable, let him go without shouting and quarreling, let him go to his friends to watch football or go fishing. And go to your friends or visit your mother, or even better, go shopping. You will see how quickly and unnoticed the weekend will fly by without any scandals or disputes.
5. Often men They don’t understand women’s hints. Sometimes it’s better to say it directly, otherwise your husband won’t be able to understand for a long time what exactly you want. This will allow you to make your relationship more productive.
We wish you harmony in your family relationships!
In a happy marriage there is no place for screaming at all - isn’t it? But why then do some husbands raise their voices at their wives, and what should a woman living with a loud husband do?..
What to do if your husband yells (and does it often) - a non-trivial women's site will tell you.
My husband constantly raises his voice: how to deal with this?
For a person of any gender, a cry is a distress signal: if a person screams, it means he is very bad, hurt or scared, it means that he has exhausted all constructive ways of communication and solving some problem. We start yelling if they don’t hear us at all, and the problem is acute and urgent. We give vent to our emotions by screaming if a lot of these same emotions have accumulated - if we were not allowed (or we did not allow ourselves) to “let off steam” slowly, rest and switch.
Any psychologist will confirm that for an adequate, mentally healthy person who is not in extreme conditions, screaming is justified only in the most extreme cases.
And therefore, “Beautiful and Successful” advises you to realize that if your husband constantly yells and is dissatisfied with everything, he has a mental problem. The wife should not think on what dish to present halva and marzipan to her padishah today, so that he does not get angry. She must think about how to arrange a meeting between her husband and a psychologist, psychotherapist, and maybe even a psychiatrist. And think about whether she is, in principle, capable of living with a person with such a psyche?
The fact is that if a husband is constantly yelling, then it is naive to think that he is now yelling, and then suddenly a wizard will fly in a blue helicopter, and from a psychopath who cannot control himself, this man will turn into an adequate person who solves all problems through ordinary conversations without promotion vote. It won't transform. Or he will transform for a short time - for example, if you categorically threaten him with divorce.
Such husbands have absolutely no respect for the feelings of their wives while they are around, while they behave like helpless victims, meekly taking any cries and discontent personally. But as soon as the wife decides that she’s had enough, packs her bags and goes to her mother, then yesterday’s dissatisfied aggressor will come running to beg, swear and swear that he understood everything and will not do it again... If you forgive him and return, then for some time he will will hold back, but everything will return to normal as soon as he feels that the woman has become sufficiently attached to him and is again ready to endure the yelling.
And yes, you should not consider it a significant argument that once, at the beginning of your relationship, this man was not like that, did not scream, seemed quite balanced. The fact is that being strong for some time has a beneficial effect on people with mental disorders - they can control themselves and seem absolutely normal. But the further you go, the less often “bright intervals” will happen - so think ten times about whether you really want to spend your life with this person.
How to behave if your spouse yells at you?
Let's talk about how to solve the problem “my husband is yelling at me” at the very moment when he is yelling. How to behave?
You have every right to behave in a way that protects yourself to the maximum – emotionally, psychologically and physically. It’s normal to leave without listening to the shouting! It's up to you to decide how far and for how long to go - for ten minutes in another room, or for an hour's walk on the street, or to spend the night with relatives or a friend. Your task is to protect your psyche, and not to calm it down.
Yes, he will be offended. Perhaps he will consider you a bad and inattentive wife. But understand that a good wife for a constantly yelling husband is an unrequited sacrifice. Better be a bad wife, but not a victim!
You shouldn’t “mirror” and yell back at your spouse - you won’t come to a consensus, it won’t add peace to the relationship, you’ll only fray your nerves once again.
But what about thinking about why a husband yells at his wife - maybe you are really doing something wrong, maybe he has objective reasons to be dissatisfied? But in fact, too much reflection on this topic will not be beneficial either. If only because if this is not an isolated incident in your relationship, but a regular practice, it means that you are so “bad” that, in principle, you cannot (and should not!) adapt to all the demands of this man and please him in everything. The rule “start with yourself” will not bring good results when in front of you is an aggressive, unrestrained person who has completely different ideas about life than you. To adapt to it - doesn’t this mean losing yourself, giving up your individuality and devaluing your personal ideas about “how good” and “how it should be”?
Start with your husband. Tell him very directly that you don’t want to listen to him when he raises his voice, but you are ready to talk about everything and discuss everything quietly and without shouting. Say that you deserve not to be yelled at - not because you are some kind of arrogant princess, but because it is a natural human right not to be subjected to psychological violence and to protect yourself from it. Indicate your actions if he continues to yell - you will leave, you will not listen, you will want to break up. Yes, this is an ultimatum - but without ultimatums you will not be able to get out of the position of a defenseless victim!
If you are valuable to your husband and loved by him, he must reconsider his behavior and stop yelling. But life shows that people who are prone to shouting and aggression rarely change seriously and for a long time - so we advise you to really seriously consider whether to save this marriage...
