How is the wedding ceremony of the bride carried out. A modern scenario of matchmaking by the groom. How to behave as a bride

Despite the fact that over the course of life, many customs and traditions are forgotten and become unnecessary, such a ritual as matchmaking remains in demand to this day. Only after him do they begin to prepare for the wedding commotion. At the matchmaking, future relatives get to know each other, the young couple receives a blessing for marriage.

All pressing issues related to the organization of the celebration are resolved at the festive table. The groom should come to the engagement party with gifts. An unexpected addition to the ring and a bouquet of flowers for the bride can be a wedding cake for matchmaking, as in the photo.

Matchmaking is a very exciting, but at the same time a pleasant event in the life of every girl who dreams of marriage.

In order for everything to go without a flaw and annoying overlays, it is imperative to agree on the date of the event. If the matchmakers come without warning like snow on their heads, the bride's parents are unlikely to like it. Still, it is better to conduct negotiations at a festively set table with plentiful treats than to embarrass future relatives with your unexpected visit, taking them by surprise.

The first rule of successful matchmaking is to agree in advance on the date and time of the conspiracy. Such a decision will help the girl’s family to prepare in advance and meet the matchmakers without losing face. The bride should be directly involved in the preparation of dishes for the festive feast.

It will be very handy to find out what favorite foods the groom's parents have and treat them to these dishes, earning respect and gratitude from future mothers-in-law, showing how she knows how to cook. As a rule, the mother of the groom is always very jealous of what hands her adored son will fall into.

Therefore, a plentiful treat and respectful attitude on the part of the daughter-in-law will be a huge plus, they will show her thriftiness and worthy upbringing.

What is included in the duties of the bride at the matchmaking:

preparation and beautiful serving of festive dishes (for this, it is enough to look at the corresponding pictures on the Internet);
a virtuous attitude towards both the groom's relatives and members of his family;
do not express dissatisfaction with the organization of the wedding, if something is not to your liking in the decision of the older generation, it is better to wait for permission and correctly enter your wishes regarding the celebration;
keep order on the table, changing dirty, empty dishes in time, replenishing carafes with drinks and plates of snacks;
do not show excessive tenderness towards the groom - kisses and hugs are not appropriate in this case.

It is not customary to invite many guests to matchmaking, the tradition of celebrating this event magnificently, like a wedding, is long gone.

Today, the presence of parents on both sides, the heroes of the occasion, as well as their godparents, is enough. Treating matchmakers simply must be generous with both snacks and alcohol.

This has been the custom since ancient times, it speaks of a respectful attitude towards future relatives. By the time the guests arrive, plates with meat and vegetable cuts, vases of fruit, saucers with a variety of canapés, assorted pickles are already on the table. From drinks, fruit drinks, juices are welcome, from intoxicants - champagne without fail, wine, vodka, etc.

After the main words are spoken by the matchmakers and consent is received from the bride's parents, they start the meal. The bride, with the help of her mother, serves hot meat dishes. Guests should note her efforts by praising the hostess.

The girl should modestly accept the praises of future relatives.

What dishes to cook - ideas

Still, matchmaking is a holiday for all participants of the event, so you definitely need to think over the menu of the feast and prepare dishes that are more suitable for the occasion. Meals should be prepared easily, simply and quickly enough. Otherwise, the host party at the time of the holiday will be exhausted by household chores and everything that happens will no longer be a joy.

Sample menu for matchmaking:

Meat, cheese, fish and vegetable cuts.
Sandwiches with caviar.
Canape of pickles.
Fruit plate.
Pots with meat, mushrooms and potatoes under a cheese crust.
Meat nests with corn, bell peppers and green peas.
Juicy minced pork and bacon rolls with mustard sauce.

Recipe for Meat Nests:

1 kg pork meat with fat;
1 onion;
1 slice of white bread;
½ tbsp milk;
1 potato;
1 egg.

Pork is cut into pieces and passed through a meat grinder. In the same way, a bun soaked in milk, peeled potatoes, and onions are crushed. An egg is driven into the resulting mass, salt, pepper and other spices are added to taste. After that, everything is thoroughly mixed until smooth.

Cutlets are formed from minced meat, making depressions in the middle. Meat nests are placed on a greased baking sheet, in the center of which ½ tsp is placed. green peas, corn and diced red bell pepper.

Having sent it to a preheated oven for 1–1.5 hours, they get tasty, juicy and beautiful cutlets for the holiday.

For snack canapes you will need:

pickled mushrooms, ideally it is better to take small mushrooms;
Cherry tomatoes;
canned cobs of young corn.

On special skewers, young corn, tomato and champignon cap are placed in random order.

A great option for a light and savory snack.

How to choose a cake

The feast ends with a tea party when all agreements have been reached and you can just enjoy a cup of coffee or tea with a piece of delicious cake.

It is great if the pastries are homemade. For example, the future mother-in-law decides to pamper everyone with her signature homemade cake, the recipe of which she will then pass on to her daughter, so that she also treats her family with a delicious dessert.

Of course, it is desirable to decorate the cake according to the theme of the event. It would be a great idea to draw wedding rings on its surface using yellow or golden cream, to depict two hearts in pink and write: “I will marry my daughter in good hands!”. If the groom brings the cake, then there are also many options for making a sweet gift with a “zest”. For example, on the top cake you can write the same question: “Will you marry me?”, And two words: “Yes” and “No”.

The bride should cut out the answer piece that she likes.

Here you will see how you can make a marriage proposal with the help of a cake:

The shape of the cake can be completely different, but no one has canceled the romantic mood, and a chocolate-biscuit heart with an ornate inscription "Let's get married?" will definitely add pluses to the treasury of the groom's virtues from the bride's relatives.

When planning to make a marriage proposal, the future spouse can show imagination and be creative in this process. Having ordered an original confectionery masterpiece for matchmaking, containing a topical issue, you can not be afraid to be refused. After all, such an extravagant way to marry a bride absolutely deserves the answer "YES!" I wonder if they came to you with such a cake, what would be the answer?

At all times, marriage was considered a sacred union of two young hearts. And if earlier marriage was a kind of necessity, now it is an exclusively voluntary and desirable matter on each side.

Not a single wedding in Rus' could do without a number of traditions and customs. At present, many of them have sunk into oblivion, but, for example, the matchmaking of the bride takes place in the modern world. The Wedding.ws portal will slightly open the curtain of mystery about how the matchmaking ceremony takes place and tell you how to woo a bride these days.

The main rule of modern matchmaking is a predetermined and planned date. It is unlikely that the parents of the bride will be happy with unexpected guests.

The ancestors believed that the date of matchmaking should be chosen especially carefully, because it will help the young in their future married life. So, for example, it was strictly forbidden to marry on the thirteenth, the best numbers for the rite were considered 3, 5, 7, 9. In turn, the ancestors advise choosing Tuesday or Thursday for matchmaking, as well as weekends.

During the ceremony, it is the groom who is in the center of attention. In order not to lose face, the future spouse should prepare in advance and find out how modern matchmaking goes. You can always check with the bride or the older generation about the features of traditions.

What is required of the groom:

Since ancient times, there has been such a tradition as dowry for the bride. Modern parents also try to prepare their daughter for a future married life, especially if the young people live in the house of the groom's parents or even separately.

Modern dowry of the bride:

Appliances;
Bed dress;
Dishes;
Kitchenware;
Tablecloth and napkins;
Furniture.

The dowry depends solely on the financial capabilities of the parents, as well as on their desire to help the future family.

It is customary for the dowry to be displayed to matchmakers and guests. So the bride's side demonstrates that the daughter does not enter a new family empty-handed.

In addition to the dowry, the bride should take care of other things. For example, carefully consider the appearance and festive menu.

Before getting married, not only the groom, but also the bride must prepare presents for the parents of the chosen one. In the old days, the mother-in-law was presented with a red scarf or shawl, and the father-in-law - a piece of linen for a shirt. At present, such gifts may not come in handy, so you should find out in advance about the tastes and interests of future relatives.

Moreover, on the wedding day, the bride is not obliged to give gifts to the groom. On this day, all attention and sensitivity should be riveted precisely to the close people of the beloved.

The image of the bride at the time of marriage

Prepare a modest but beautiful outfit. Give up large and catchy jewelry, rich colors and defiant prints in clothes, bright makeup and manicure. Appearance is especially important if the bride and groom's parents meet for the first time. Remember you can't make a first impression twice.

Treats

Every mother-in-law wants her son to "fall into good hands." The bride should take an active part in preparing dishes for the festive table, thereby demonstrating her thriftiness and homeliness.

Future father-in-laws will definitely appreciate if their favorite dishes are on the table (find out about them from your chosen one in advance).

Behavior

The groom's parents will definitely pay attention to the bride's attitude towards her parents and close relatives. Therefore, try to suppress your impulsiveness and be ready to show your exclusively positive sides.

Respectfully communicate not only with the groom's relatives, but also with your loved ones;
Do not interrupt the older generation, especially when it comes to the distribution of responsibilities at the wedding. The opinion of the newlyweds will definitely be asked, but before that, the parents should clarify some points among themselves;
Leave any manifestation of tenderness, kisses and diminutive names for later. Parents may simply be confused by such behavior of future spouses;
A girl should show maximum thriftiness: monitor the cleanliness of appliances and utensils, clean up dirty plates in a timely manner and renew ending dishes;
In no case should the bride praise herself. That's what family and friends are for.

There are two ways to conduct matchmaking: as a regular feast or to think over a scenario and organize a real show! It depends only on you how the marriage will go and with what impressions the groom's relatives will leave your house.! After all, with jokes and contests, a serious ceremony will be easy and positive!

In the old days, matchmaking was performed in compliance with many signs.

It was believed that the better the matchmaking went, the more customs were observed, the happier and richer the family life of the young would be.

After all, the observance of traditions was not important in itself: it was regarded as a tribute to the ancestors, who could bring happiness to a young family, and avert trouble from it, and provide assistance in difficult times.

Customs and rules of conduct during matchmaking

A hundred years ago, matchmaking often stretched for a week. One day it happened wooing the bride, in the other bride, in the third - engagement (betrothal, conspiracy). And these are just the most important steps.

A few more rites took place between them: yard-gazing(when the bride's relatives look around the house and household of the groom's family) and sing, during which the bride is “drinked away” at a cheerful and noisy feast, after which neither party has the right to refuse marriage.

matchmaking

Usually, the upcoming arrival at the house of matchmakers for the relatives of the bride was not a surprise: they were informed about this in advance by the local matchmaker, a respectable and highly respected woman.

If the bride's relatives agreed to accept or at least listen to the offer, then a festive treat was prepared, the table was laid. The matchmakers who came were seated behind him, and a long conversation began, giving the two families the opportunity to have fun, compete in wit, and get to know each other better, while discussing important issues.

In some areas, it was customary for the bride to sit by the stove during the matchmaking, shoveling out the ashes from there. However, she had to do this extremely carefully: after all, she was wearing one of her best outfits.

In other villages, the bride could even express her attitude towards the matchmakers: if the girl started sweeping the floor from the threshold to the stove, she let it know that she was glad for the groom, but if from the stove to the threshold, it meant that she wanted the matchmakers to leave the house.

Often the bride was not shown at all during the matchmaking or they were allowed to go out to the guests only for a short time, saving the bride until the ceremony.

The bride's relatives treated the matchmakers, praising their daughter and telling what a mistress, hard worker and craftswoman she is. If the bride's family was rich and the girl was beautiful, then they might not have given final consent the first time.

In the Kuban, in Kursk and Voronezh, it was considered bad form and recognition of any shortcomings of a girl if the family agreed to marry her off at the first visit to the matchmakers. It was a good omen to make the matchmakers come an odd number of times: three or even five.

Smotriny

After the matchmaking, they appointed a day of viewing. The girl showed her skills, the groom's relatives carefully examined the dowry prepared by the bride: no matter how beautiful the loafer, unspun, netkaha was, they did not marry such.

During the show, the girl could change outfits up to three times. At the end of the show, after the young man returned to the hut, having previously discussed the girl’s dignity with her relatives, her mother presented him with a full mug of intoxicated honey. If a guy emptied her in one breath, then he confirmed his intention to marry, if he only sipped a little, this meant a refusal.

In the case when both parties were satisfied with each other, the day of agreement (betrothal) was appointed.

farsightedness

Previously, the bride's family could also pay a visit to the groom's family to evaluate the house and household. During the conspiracy, especially many symbolic rites were performed.

Before the betrothal, the bride in the company of her bridesmaids had to "mourn the scythe", that is, their girlish freedom. The expression “to mourn the scythe” has gone back to pre-Christian times, when, after the wedding, the young husband cut off his wife’s scythe and gave it to the girl’s family as a sign of kinship.

Also, since pagan times, the tradition of a betrothed girl to cry sobbing has been preserved, rather than symbolically show the gods that she is not going away of her own will into a strange family - they are taken away by force.

sing

With the beginning of the conspiracy, the engaged guy and girl were seated together on a bearskin: this was supposed to contribute to the childbearing of the future family.

At the end of the evening, when the bride was already "drunk away", she cut the bread brought by the groom's family, and each of the guests had to eat at least a piece. Bread is holy, the oath taken on bread is inviolable, and from that moment on, no one could refuse the upcoming marriage without bringing inescapable shame on their heads.

As a sign of betrothal, the groom gave the bride some kind of jewelry (most often, earrings), and the girl had to present the whole family of the groom.

What should a bride give for matchmaking?

In the old days, it was customary for a girl to present the future mother-in-law and relatives of the groom with beautiful scarves or shawls, and the father-in-law and other relatives - cuts of linen for shirts.

Nowadays, choosing gifts for the future father-in-law, mother-in-law, brother-in-law and sister-in-law, the bride gets an excellent opportunity to win the favor of new relatives, showing taste and tact.

Of course, not a single woman will refuse a beautiful silk scarf, as well as a man from a branded shirt, but you can come up with something more interesting.

It is better to ask the groom himself about the preferences of each of the future relatives.

However, men are not too attentive, and if the groom can still tell about the tastes of the male part of the family, then the preferences of his mother and sisters are often an unsolvable mystery for him.

So it makes sense to be creative. For example, if there are avid fishermen in the husband's family, some good spinning rod will be a very worthy gift. The new mobile phone is quite suitable for both men and women, especially the brother or sister of the groom.

You can give a future mother-in-law a good perfume. If she has some hobbies, for example, embroidery or floriculture, then a beautiful collector's edition on her favorite topic will surely attract her heart to the side of a caring daughter-in-law.

It is not necessary to give a gift to the groom for matchmaking, on this day it is worth paying attention to the rest of the family members of the future spouse.

Modern matchmaking by the bride. Tribute to customs

Nowadays, of course, the arrival of matchmakers is agreed in advance and are not going to refuse them. However, this is not a reason not to make matchmaking fun and memorable.

How to prepare for marriage?

The goal of matchmaking, from the point of view of the bride's family, is to make the most positive impression on the matchmakers. For this, a little preparatory work must be carried out:

Dowry

Oddly enough, even today in many families the dowry for their daughter has been collected for many years - these are bed linen, towels, various household utensils, dishes.

By the arrival of the matchmakers, it is advisable to pull out or prepare part of the dowry so that there is something to brag about.

Ideally, if among the towels and sheets there is, for example, a tablecloth embroidered by the future wife herself. Like centuries ago, this will make an indelible impression on the future mother-in-law.

treat

Of course, you can get to know each other in the best way only at the festive table. It is important that the dishes on the table are homemade., preferably branded.

The bride must definitely participate in the process of preparing the treat so that the matchmakers can appreciate her culinary skills.

Speech

Of course, the text on a piece of paper does not need to be written down. But the bride's relatives should know that their task is to praise the bride so that the groom's side has no doubts. Therefore, with the positive aspects of the personality of the future wife, which must be voiced to the matchmakers, it is better to decide in advance.

If the bride does not want her biography to be mentioned or her parents to show her baby photos where she sits on the potty, then it’s better too talk about these things in advance, and not then hiss across the table at mom and dad who got emotional.

Questions

Matchmaking is that rare moment when you can openly ask future relatives about plans for the future, about family traditions, or about attitudes towards bad habits.

At the same time, you can find out some details about the groom: find out about his attitude to the family, to children. It is quite possible that the bride herself did not bother to ask her young man about such prosaic things.

Therefore, in order to avoid confusion and not miss the moment, questions addressed to the groom and his parents, it is also better to think over in advance.

Our great-grandmothers at the time of the matchmaking had no right to leave their room at all, and if they did, they were obliged to respectfully remain silent. Now times have changed, and the bride herself can meet guests, but, as in ancient times, modesty and respect for elders will greatly adorn the future wife in the eyes of future relatives.

How to behave

At the time of the matchmaking, the bride is advised to be more silent, not to ask questions to the groom's parents, not to control the conversation at the table, not to make toasts. Marriageable girl - that's the perfect image.
Eat less and categorically do not drink alcohol. Instead, take care of filling guests' dishes, clean cutlery and napkins, and take away dirty dishes on time. In general, it's time show yourself as a caring hostess.
As much as possible respectfully talk to your parents, and not just to the parents of the groom. Do not interrupt them, do not interfere in the conversation.
Do not show affection for the groom, do not kiss him in front of his parents, even if the bride and groom have been living together for several years by the time of the matchmaking.
Don't brag and don't brag. This process must be properly organized so that everything necessary is said by relatives in the right way (see above).

How to look better

As for the appearance, then here you will have to follow the traditions. The bride should be dressed modestly, but tastefully.. This is especially important if the groom's parents see their son's future wife for the first time.

Any aggressive colors and shapes - whether it be a top with rhinestones or sharp false nails - are perceived by the older generation as a manifestation of vulgarity. At the same time, it is important to find the line between not looking too bright, and not seeming simple.

It is also better not to wear expensive and bulky jewelry, it is better to limit yourself to a ring or necklace donated by your future husband.

The dress or skirt must be no higher than the knee. The hairstyle is simple, the makeup is daytime, the manicure is preferably French.

How to prepare for meeting dear guests

If a real matchmaker participates in the matchmaking process, then for sure everything will be fun and interesting.

If the matchmaker is not provided, and the bride does not want the matchmaking to turn into an ordinary feast, she needs to think over various “homemade preparations” by the arrival of the matchmakers - jokes that, at the right time, can be passed off as successful impromptu.

It is good to involve relatives in inventing texts in order to distribute roles together and prepare skits, impromptu, praising the bride and her relatives.

By the end of the evening, the future wife can sing ditties about her chosen one, the purpose of which is to praise him in front of her parents. Surely, both parties will appreciate both such a step and the bride's sense of humor.

Having fun helps strangers get rid of their awkwardness and get to know each other better. The groom's parents praise their child, the girl's parents praise their blood. Although dowry chests are not relevant today, but demonstration of handmade crafts of the bride(embroideries, knitwear, appliqués) will not be superfluous at all.

In a word, a good, fun, smart and creative matchmaking is a wonderful prelude to the creation of a young family.

On the appointed day and hour, all the actors drive up to the bride's house. To have with you: a ball of thread, a beautifully colored bird feather, a bouquet of flowers, a tray with various overseas fruits, a towel (an embroidered towel), bread and salt, small coins in a bag, bills of various denominations, a houseplant in the form of a tree, sweets or a barrel of honey, a soft pillow, a hammer, various alcoholic drinks and a gold ring.

Matchmakers knock on doors or gates, they do not open immediately. They knock again, as soon as the door is opened, the matchmaker throws a ball of thread inside. If this is a private house, the ball is thrown immediately through the gate, holding it tightly by the thread.

Bride's family:
- Who are you, why are you knocking, what do you need?

Matchmaker:
- We came from afar, a thread from a ball brought us. Our prince (the name of the groom) saw a beautiful clear firebird. She shone so brightly that a spark in the heart (the name of the groom) directly hit. Yes, there is only one problem, the firebird flew home, waved its wing, and this feather remained in the hands.

(Show feather.)

Bride's family:
- Well, by the feather, it is impossible to determine. We have different firebirds, they are all beautiful in their own way. Guess which one was, maybe, and we'll come to an agreement then.

(Matchmakers are let into the house. They stop near the next closed door, from under which three ribbons of different colors are protruded.)

Bride's family:
- Pull the matchmakers by the end, whom you will take down the aisle.

(Matchmakers pull the first ribbon, the bride's sister or girlfriend appears from behind the door.)

Bride's family:
- Well, how is the firebird, good? And the body is folding and the soul!

Matchmaker:
- Good, good, but this bird is not ours!

(The next ribbon is pulled, a little girl is holding on to it.)

Bride's family:
- Well, here's a small bird for you, it's also very good!

Matchmaker:
- Good, good, but it hurts too small! Let her grow up a little, another prince will find her.

(The third ribbon is pulled, an adult married woman comes out behind her.)

Bride's family:
- Look, matchmakers, maybe here she is, you also see how good she is.

Matchmaker:
- Good, good, only this bird is already ringed.

Bride's family:
- Well, picky matchmakers can’t please you all, so come into the room, maybe we’ll be able to surprise you with something else.

(Matchmakers enter the room, three people are sitting there, covered with their heads, and the bride is sitting among them.)

The bride's relatives put a chair in front of the matchmakers, on it stands a saucer:
- If you want to get a firebird, try to feed it with something.

Matchmakers put small money in a saucer and call:
- Guli-ghuli or chick-chick (someone like it).

Bride's family:
- Yes, from such food you can stretch your wings, sprinkle the matchmakers with something fatter.

(Matchmakers put in more money. Relatives take a saucer, alternately bring it to each covered person, but everything is useless, no one reacts.)

Bride's family:
- Well, you'll have to redeem all three, otherwise you won't guess.

(They are bargaining for each seated separately. You can also plant men, for humor. Finally, they found the bride, the groom gives her a bouquet of flowers.)

Groom's mother:
- Let me now test the firebird, what if it can't fly, or something else is wrong. First, let's see how she flaps her wings.

(Pours coins out of the bag onto the floor, the bride must quickly collect everything, you can sweep it with a broom on a scoop.)

Groom's mother:
- Now let's see how the firebird can cook, whether the word can be said correctly.

(Asks tricky questions...)

Groom's mother:
- How much rice should be put in borscht?

Bride :
- I don’t put rice in borscht at all.

Groom's mother:
- My husband is hungry, will you give me a plate?

Bride :
- Serve dinner on a plate, not an empty one.

Groom's Father:
- We like such a firebird, and the beauty herself knows how to cook. Accept a loaf from us, take a beauty, cut it.

(The bride must cut the loaf into four parts, while twisting the loaf on the table is not allowed, and it is also impossible to remove it from the towel while cutting. She gives two halves to the groom, takes two for herself.)

Matchmaker:
- What will you call the bride's parents?

(The groom approaches the bride's parents and gives bread.)

Groom :
- Mom and Dad!

(The bride's parents kiss him.)

Matchmaker:
- What will you name the groom's parents?

(The bride approaches the groom's parents and gives bread.)

Bride :
- Mom and Dad!

(The groom's parents kiss her.
The towel is rolled up and kept by the young.)

Bride's family:
- And now we will test your prince, whether he can contain the firebird, whether he knows how to knock with a hammer.

(A hammer and a log or a thick board are served, one nail for the future father-in-law, the other nail for the future mother-in-law. The mother-in-law's nail can be filed so that it does not drive into the board, but only bends. The groom must first drive in the father-in-law's nail, then the mother-in-law's nail.)

Bride's family:
- Well, we see that the guy is serious, he managed to take our firebird to his hands. Come to the table of the matchmakers dear, it's time for us to taste sweet wine.

(Matchmakers sit at the table.)

Matchmaker:
- Here are the owners of overseas fruits, and sweet wines, accept with a bow. We want to take your beauty as a wife (name of the groom), so we came with an agreement.

(A tray with various fruits and wine or champagne are placed on the table, you can do both.)

Matchmaker:
- And now let's get acquainted, the parents of the bride, the parents of the groom, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, grandparents and even good neighbors.

(The bride gets up and calls all her relatives by name present at the table, in the same way the groom introduces everyone to his relatives.)

Groom's mother:
- We give a soft pillow to the future mother-in-law
So that she takes care of our (name of the groom) like a darling
To sleep on the pillow, get enough sleep
She responded with a kind word.

(Gives a soft pillow.)

Groom's Father:
- We give a future father-in-law a hammer
To have a good income.

(Gives a hammer.)

Groom's sister or brother:
- Take a barrel of honey, for the bride's brothers or sisters, let them eat sweets, but they don't harm anyone.

(They give a barrel of honey or candy.)

Matchmaker:
- We give a tree for your well-being,
Take care and water it
And multiply your fortune.
The tree is not simple
Money tree.

(Gives a plant in a pot, to the branches of which money is tied.)

Mother of the bride:
- Dear matchmakers, they gave us gifts
Good words were spoken, we should keep the answer
We decided with the father (name of the bride) to give you as a wife!

Matchmaker:
- Firebird, beauty, bright light,
Accept from (name of the groom) a golden ring.

Groom :
- With outside witnesses.

(The groom's friends stand up and agree.)

Groom :
- With outside witnesses
I speak sincerely
What (name of the bride) I love very much
And as a token of love I give her a ring.

Matchmaking is a special ceremony, the purpose of which is to propose marriage to the intended bride in the presence of her close relatives, usually parents. The groom, his godparents, his relatives, sometimes close friends can take part in the matchmaking. Special people at the event are the matchmaker, matchmaker or matchmakers. They can be invited people, relatives or godparents of the groom. Matchmaking was preceded by a family council in the groom's house, after which matchmakers were sent to the girl's relatives. The rite was held in the form of a comic performance. If consent was obtained, then a few days later a ritual evening was made for all relatives and friends, at which they announced the engagement and set the date for the wedding.

Marriage by the groom

Matchmaking can be combined with any family celebration or a common holiday, but it is best to set aside a separate day for this. During the wedding, the groom must:

dress smartly - a formal suit will make a good impression on the parents of his future wife and convince of the seriousness of intentions;

have 2 bouquets of flowers - for the mother of the bride and herself, and he is obliged to give the bouquet to his future mother-in-law first;

ask permission for marriage from the parents of the chosen one;

Previously, gifts were not given during matchmaking, but today this tradition has changed and, if the groom does not plan to strictly adhere to the matchmaking ceremony, he can give a small present to the relatives of the future wife. Usually, the father of the bride is given good alcohol, books, an expensive pen, depending on his type of activity. Mothers present sweets, jewelry, household items, also based on her preferences.

The main task of the groom at the matchmaking is to be able to please the relatives of his chosen one.

This is not always easy, and therefore a huge responsibility is imposed on the groom during this procedure. Especially if he asks for a hand in solitude. Matchmakers are indeed an invaluable help to the groom, they can defuse the situation and in many cases save the day. Relatives of the groom or people hired from outside, specially trained in all the intricacies of the rite, are chosen as matchmakers. Whatever choice you make the main thing is that the matchmakers are open and cheerful people, then the ceremony will go well. Usually they are limited to one matchmaker, who, if necessary, can be helped by the rest of those present. Matchmaking should be allegorical - you can’t directly name the purpose of your visit. Matchmakers represent everything in the form of fun, fun, a comic skirmish between relatives of future spouses. Particular attention should be paid to the feast. When matchmaking, it is not mandatory, but hospitable hosts usually consider it their duty to welcome any guests, so it would be somewhat indecent to do without treats at all. The presence of alcohol on the table is also not traditional, and if the groom does not want to have a drink with the future father-in-law, there will be nothing shameful in this, the main thing is that it is adequately perceived by the father of the bride. If the parents remain dissatisfied with the groom, the matchmaking can be repeated another time.

Traditions and signs in matchmaking

Special attention has always been paid to traditions and signs during matchmaking, and few people have dared to violate the laws established by their ancestors before. And today, many pay tribute to the superstitions and customs of their ancestors:

The best day for matchmaking was considered October 14 (the feast of the Intercession of the Most Holy Theotokos), also the most favorable dates were 3, 5, 7 and 9, days of the week - Tuesday, Thursday or days off.

They never got married on the 13th, it is unsuccessful for carrying out any business.

On the way to the girl's house, the people participating in the ceremony kept silence, and left the house only after sunset in order to avoid the evil eye.

All information relating to the ceremony was hidden from strangers, fearing their unclean thoughts.

When the matchmaker was going to go to the girl's parents, they threw a bast shoe in his back.

Having reached the house of a marriageable girl, the matchmaker tried to get into the hut as soon as possible, so that the matter would be resolved just as quickly.

Negotiations about matchmaking were conducted standing up, as if on the move, so that marriage would be quick.

The groom handed over the narrowed loaf.

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If consent to marriage has been obtained, then:

the father had to put his daughter's hand into the hand of her betrothed;

the girl took the loaf from the guy, cut it into pieces together with the groom and treated those present;

any joint feast meant an early engagement.

If the matchmaking failed, then this could be marked by the following actions:

the bride hid and took off her dress;

the girl expressed her refusal by giving the groom a pumpkin;

if the groom did not like the bride, he brought it to his mouth, but did not drink from the cup presented to him;

in case of refusal, the loaf was returned to the groom whole;

matchmakers, if they refused, could harm the bride - they closed the door to her house with their backs, which doomed the girl to an unmarried life.

Matchmaking in the old days

In the old days, having made the choice of a suitable candidate for the role of the bride, they necessarily received the approval of the relatives of the groom's family. Then they chose a person who performed the duties of a matchmaker.

The role of matchmakers was dominant in this ceremony. They collected all the information about the girl, including appearance, character, amount of dowry.

Often they were engaged in the actual search for a suitable bride. The matchmaker also controlled the observance of customs and the correct conduct of the rite itself. Initially, a matchmaker always went to the house of a marriageable girl. In the presence of the groom, there was no need, but it was not strictly forbidden either. If he was given freedom of choice, if desired, he could go to the parents of the chosen one and ask for her hand in marriage. Arriving at the house where the chosen girl lived, the matchmaker began a conversation from afar, without touching on the main topic. We talked about the weather, harvest, mowing. The main negotiations also proceeded in allegorical form. For example: “You have a marvelous garden, and we have a good gardener, maybe he will look after your garden?”. The parents of a marriageable girl expressed their gratitude to the matchmaker for the honor rendered to them and gave them kvass or honey, which the girl herself poured and brought to the guest. At the same time, the matchmaker should have considered her well. After that, he began to praise the groom and ask about the bride. If the groom did not suit, then the refusal also sounded allegorically: “Our garden has not yet ripened”, “Our unsaleable goods”, or they were stipulated by an insufficient dowry, general employment. If there were doubts, then the matchmaker was invited a second time in order to obtain additional information about the groom in the given period of time. The next time the groom's parents went to woo, often with him, as well as other matchmakers. This matchmaking was considered official. A feast was organized and, with the consent of all parties to the marriage, they made up an analogy of a modern marriage contract - a “row entry”, which covered the main organizational and financial issues of the upcoming wedding, including the dowry of the bride. After settling all issues, the bride gave the chosen one a pledge, which was a simple scarf. They wrapped the loaf loaf in it and gave it to the matchmaker. He carried her in a highly raised hand through the whole village, which spoke of the successful outcome of the matchmaking.

Scenario of modern matchmaking by the groom

Today, matchmaking is a common ritual of acquaintance of the families of the future husband and wife.. However, the introduction of some ancient rites into action will add a kind of "zest" to the standard procedure.

The groom can come to the bride's house either alone or with his parents. You can choose a matchmaker and present everything in the form of a script.

Easy option

The arrival of the groom with the matchmakers to the bride's house can be diversified with Russian folk songs, cheerful ditties, which are performed by the guests, as well as greeting cries "Matchmakers are coming!" At home, the groom presents the mother of the chosen one and herself with flowers and provides a loaf. They call the bride and go to the laid table. At a feast, the girl's parents should praise their daughter, paying special attention to her main virtues. At a special hour, the groom asks for her hand from his future father-in-law and mother-in-law. With the consent of the bride's father, joins the hands of the young and blesses them for marriage.

Difficult option

When the celebration is planned to be held on a special scale, a longer option is used. At the appointed hour, the groom, his parents, friends, and matchmakers drive up to the bride's house and knock on it. The doors are opened, and the bride's relatives are interested: "Who is this knocking on our door, what do you need?" Matchmaker:

- Good under your roof, masters! You have come from afar. And our business is not easy: A fine prince lives with us, In all matters a brave daring fellow. Once I saw a beautiful firebird, In all respects - his queen. And since then, the well done yearns. They came to your house to look for this girl.

Bride's Family:

We have different girls, And everything is like a selection. If he finds his beautiful, Then we'll set the table.

Several different girls are taken out and presented to the groom, often for this they dress the guys in women's clothes.

It happens that ribbons are pulled into different rooms behind closed doors, with different people holding on to the other end, and they offer to pull out any groom. If he did not guess his beloved, then he had to pay the ransom.

The groom must answer:

- I don't like her, I need another one!

When the bridegroom's beloved is brought out, he says that it is she. After that, the bride is tested to see if she is suitable for the groom. This is usually done by the matchmaker. Matchmaker:

— Yes, this is exactly the firebird, Our dear girl. But is her soul so good and pure?

- Tell me, dear, they will ask you to drink some water from you: an old man, a child and a handsome guy, first who will you pour? The girl answers: To kid. - Right. And tell me then, to whom you pour wine first: to your beloved or to an old man? The girl answers: old man. - Right. But tell me, when you wash the floor, where do you wash it cleaner - in the corners or in the middle? The girl answers: Everywhere. - Right. And tell me, when you cook soup, you are noble, you pour a pinch of cereal into it or a handful? The girl answers: I don’t put cereal in soup, but meat. - You speak well! And now we'll see how well you see and if you're not too lazy to bend your back for a penny of labor! The matchmaker throws coins on the floor. The girl collects them and squeezes them in her hand, at the request of the matchmaker to give them back - she does not agree. Matchmaker: You passed my test. Good hostess, economical. I dropped copper coins so that you would not be poor, but here is silver for you, so that your wife is faithful, and here is paper money, so that you are not too important. I see you are all good. Answer now, do you consent to our young prince becoming your husband? The girl answers: Yes. Matchmaker: - If you agree, cut the loaf that he presented to you as a gift. The girl cuts it into 4 shares crosswise. Matchmaker: - Who will be the first to offer bread and bow at the feet? The girl gives 2 parts of the loaf to the betrothed's parents and bows to them. Matchmaker: - Now I will ask the father and mother of the bride: do they bless their daughter? Parents say yes. Matchmaker: - If everyone agrees, then we need to outline our girl. Before the wedding, let her go with the mark of her betrothed, so that the eyes of other fellows do not look at the beauty of a girl and do not seduce an innocent soul. And we mark our bride of silver with a ring with an amethyst stone. Wear it to your health. The groom puts on the ring to the chosen one. Matchmaker: - Dear matchmakers, they say that grooms are such that often they are not able to hammer a nail themselves. So that you are sure that our fiance can do everything himself, let's ask him to hammer your nail into the threshold, so that from now on he will be your welcome guest. The groom hammers a nail into the threshold. Matchmaker: - And now, our fellow, give your father-in-law a hammer so that you are of good use, and your mother-in-law - a chocolate bar so that everything goes smoothly in life. The groom makes appropriate gifts.

Matchmaker: - From me, young people, you will receive the first gift - a fruit tree. To walk together on the same road - plant him. And it will give wonderful fruits if you take care of it, protect it and water it. Like your family, you must protect from all adversity. And from your love, let children be born and they will be like fruits on this tree - healthy and strong. The matchmaker presents the bride and groom with a seedling of a fruit tree. Matchmaker: - Take overseas wines and wonderful honey to your table. We will smear the owner's ears with this honey so that he does not hear bad things about his son-in-law. And we will smear the eyes of the hostess with this honey so that she does not see anything bad in her son-in-law. And the rest - I’ll smear it on my tongue, so that at the table you can speak sweet as honey! After that, the hosts invite guests to the table. Perhaps, in such a representation, all the ancient traditions of matchmaking are not observed, but it looks impressive and beautiful. Yes, matchmaking today is just a formal tribute to traditions. And for this reason, the entire scenario of actions on the part of the matchmakers and the groom can fit in 2-3 minutes. And that's what the next video is about. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOsAcVI5O5o