Can there be friendship between a guy and a girl? Is there a true friendship between a girl and a guy?

The question of whether there is friendship between a guy and a girl is actually not an easy one. Often such friendship has a hidden sexual connotation, sometimes not even realized. The guy you're "just friends with" can suddenly surprise you with a marriage proposal. And the girl with whom you have been friends since childhood may feel far from friendly sympathy for you. So is it just friendship between a guy and a girl? In disputes on this topic, many copies have been broken, but a definite answer has not yet been received.

Psychologists believe that friendship between a man and a woman in most cases begins or ends with sexual relations. There are two options here:

- sexual relations begin after a long friendship;
- friendship remains the field of how the sexual relationship ended.

In the first case, the prospects for maintaining friendship are low, because the friend, before becoming a lover, most likely observed his girlfriend's past relationships with other men. After the transition of relations to a different quality, a man often wakes up possessive feelings and jealousy, and then the friendship comes to an end.

Whether friendships remain after the end of a sexual relationship depends largely on how the breakup occurred. If the relationship ended without mutual accusations and reproaches, then the chances that the guy and the girl will remain friends are high. An important condition for the continuation of friendship in this case is mutual interest. If your ex or ex is close in spirit to you and you have common interests, friendship is possible. Again, the most difficult moment is the breakup of a romantic relationship. To disperse peacefully is a real art. How the partners behave in such a situation, their patience, mutual respect and self-control, will largely determine the prospect of further friendship.
And yet, our life is full of miracles. Sometimes, after a scandalous breakup and many years of mutual accusations and enmity, the former couple, having gone through certain stages of growing up and internal development, returns to friendly relations. There is even an interesting proverb about this: an old enemy is better than a new friend.

In general, we believe that real (without subtext) friendship between a guy and a girl is possible, but not common. I wonder what the inhabitants of the blogosphere think about this? We have collected a small selection of opinions on this subject:

Is there friendship between a guy and a girl: guys' opinion

I think that real friendship, and not friendly relations between a man and a woman, is impossible. This friendship is based on the hope of one of them that this is not just a friendship. And if a friend is waiting for sex, then this is not friendship. Many women optimistically believe in friendship with a man because they look at it through rose-colored glasses.

I believe that ... friendship with a girl happens, but each case is unique in its own way.

Some argue that friendship exists. This is self-deception.

That's where to meet eyewitnesses of this very friendship. And then each such says that his friend saw his friend for sure. They just sent the guy off, like "let's stay friends," and he really believes.

Is there friendship between a guy and a girl: the opinion of girls

I used to believe in true friendship between a guy and a girl. And recently, one of our acquaintances, who told everyone about her friendship with a guy, received a marriage proposal from him and got married ...

Friendship between a man and a woman in the classical view is possible only in one case - if the guy ... hmm ... is not interested in girls ... in many films, a girl always has a gay friend with whom she shares things that you cannot tell a normal man 🙂

Maybe friendship, if this particular woman does not attract a man precisely as a woman, but is interesting as a person, but this is more like in the movies ...

Can not be. Some guys just don't show their interest and just agree to be friends, but that usually doesn't do any good. The young man walks, restrains himself, listens to uninteresting revelations. Sooner or later, the truth comes out anyway and the girl is shocked - like, we're just friends !!!

In conclusion, I would like to say that true love, like friendship, has no rules, and each case is unique. Do not be afraid to be friends, do not be afraid to love, these are wonderful feelings.
What do you, our reader, think of such friendship?

“Friendship between a man and a woman is the relationship of former or future lovers,” Bernard Shaw used to say. “This is an impossible thing,” said Oscar Wilde, “between a man and a woman there can be passion, enmity, adoration, love, but not friendship.” “If a man and a woman are friends, at least one of them secretly plans for the other,” says the rumor. Is this true, or are the classics cruelly mistaken in company with folk wisdom?
They say that friendship between a man and a woman is possible only in childhood.

Friendship between a man and a woman: no chance?

Can friendship between a man and a woman be strong and pure, “uncomplicated by sex”? Sadly, psychologists believe that the chances of finding one are slim. The statistics are harsh: in about 90% of cases, such friendship ends in bed, even if both partners sincerely believed that there was “nothing like that” between them.

Who is to blame for the fact that a relationship that began innocently ends in a passionate love affair or an offensive fat point? Let's agree right away that we do not consider a situation in which friendship covers up a way to stay close to the object of passion or keep a fan who plays the role of an alternate airfield in the friend zone, because this is not friendship.

Relations between a man and a woman always have a chance to develop into love.

True attachment is destroyed by other mechanisms.

1. Intimacy. It is not for nothing that psychology calls the close friendship between a man and a woman a latent intimacy. Revealing our secrets to someone and learning his secrets, discussing deeply personal issues, we against our will begin to experience a special affection for a person, which seems to many to be love, and sometimes really develops into it. This is especially true for women who tend to be led by emotions.

2. Lack of understanding with a love partner. Whom to go to for solace when the relationship with your loved one cracks? Naturally, to a friend who will listen, and support, and not condemn. However, an intimate partner at this moment is “overboard”: difficulties are not discussed with him, the problem is not solved, the abyss is widening, while the bonds of friendship are growing stronger, gradually ousting the former lover from the life of a person. The situation is exacerbated by the jealousy of the partner, who feels that he is neglected, and this only brings the gap closer. Well, that's where the first point comes into play.

3. Instincts. Whatever you say, no one canceled physiology, and in certain situations - for example, when both are heated with alcohol - a friend can suddenly transform into an attractive woman or a sexy guy. The only question is how it will end: the transition of relations to a different level or repentance, shame and parting.

Curious fact. According to a survey conducted by the Wisconsin Institute, almost 100% of men prefer to build friendships with women who are sexually attractive to them, even if they do not have plans to horizontalize the relationship.

You can't be friends and fall in love - where to put a comma

And yet there are exceptions.

Well, there is no friendship between a man and a woman?

Happens. Our relations are good because they are unpredictable and have thousands of possible development options. In fairness, it should be said that friendship between representatives of different sexes, which has not crossed the dangerous line and has not come to naught over time, is an extremely rare phenomenon. But possible under certain conditions.

What circumstances increase the chances of a man and a woman to maintain a strong attachment, not flavored with hints of intimacy?

1. One of them (usually a man) is gay - that is, the likelihood of a spark between friends is reduced to zero. Such was the relationship between Breakfast at Tiffany's author Truman Capote and his childhood friend Harper Lee, who wrote the acclaimed book To Kill a Mockingbird.

Risk: practically absent.

2. Both are happily married or in long-term, secure relationships with other people.

Risk: jealousy of a love partner, the transfer of emotional attachment from a husband / wife to a friend.

3. Friendship was born out of unsuccessful love relationships that ended without scandals and recriminations. Passion is satisfied, the former partner no longer acts as an object of sexual attraction, but good memories and knowledge of each other's ins and outs contribute to establishing intimacy.

Risk: one of the friends may be visited by the idea of ​​“starting all over again”, launching a new round of relationships according to the old scenario.

The temptation to return to the past can be too strong

4. Each of the partners experienced a painful love fiasco with another person in the past, and the rapprochement occurred on the basis of similar experiences.

Risk: on the basis of "we understand each other so well" many couples came together, previously bound by friendship.

5. Both partners are in adulthood, when hormones no longer control the actions of a person with the same strength, superficial connections have been eliminated, but bonds with those people who are truly interesting and close have strengthened.

Risk: Love for all ages. Even in a nursing home, serious passions sometimes boil.

6. A significant age difference led to the birth of patronage friendship that occurs when one of the partners, as it were, takes on the function of a parent and takes care of a less experienced ward. It can be assumed that it was on this basis that the relationship between Mark Twain and the deaf-blind writer Helen Keller, who was the daughter of her eminent friend, was born.

Risk: and such a friendship is not immune from flowing into a completely different plane, say, a love affair of the "parent-child" type.

How to distinguish love from friendship

Sometimes it can be difficult for us to understand even our own emotions.

How to understand if there is friendship between a man and a woman, or is there a more ardent feeling behind it? After all, it often happens that we ourselves do not know our desires, taking a veiled sexual attraction for an innocent interest in a person’s personality?

Try to have a miniature session of self-analysis and honestly answer your questions.

1. How do you feel about intimate partners of a friend / girlfriend? Have you caught yourself in fits of jealousy, dressed in the noble form of “could / could have found better”? And you yourself have not heard attacks against your beloved?

2. Are you contributing equally to the relationship? If one of two friends is ready to break free at any time of the day or night, while the second only accepts his care without giving anything in return, then the first one either fell into the trap of a clever manipulator, or hopes to earn something more with his altruism than friendship.

3. Are there hints of intimacy in your communication style: kisses on the cheek, hugs, regular pats on the back, light flirting, conversations and jokes about sex?

4. Do you spend more time with your boyfriend/girlfriend than with your significant other?

If you firmly answered “No-Yes-No-No”, there is a chance that you happened to be in those happy 10% of men and women who have known the bonds of true friendship. If in doubt, there is something to think about.

Love has come, how to be?

To continue to pretend friendship after falling in love is a masochist's occupation.

We are connected with friends by spiritual intimacy, common interests, mutual respect and the ability to be ourselves without trying to impress others. This is an excellent basis for the birth of love in a couple not related by belonging to the same gender.

A favorable forecast for the development of events: each of you will find in another an understanding, time-tested loved one.

Unfavorable: the partner will not reciprocate, and one of you will leave the relationship with a broken heart.

What to do when you realize that the former friendship is ripe to grow into love? If you:

• both are free;
• don't be afraid to take risks

- take the risk of having a frank conversation, after which the relationship will either end (but with little blood and before things go too far), or love will take their place.

However, think thrice if:

• one of you is currently in a relationship;
• you are unsure of your feelings.

Here it is much more reasonable to take a breather and find a plausible reason to temporarily cut off contact with a friend or girlfriend who has brought confusion to your feelings. Without meeting, not talking on the phone and not exchanging SMS, you will rather understand yourself and make the right decision - love or friendship.

Video: Is friendship possible between a guy and a girl?

Useful video from Denis Kostash:

Despite the quotes from the classics cited at the beginning of the article about the impossibility of friendship between a man and a woman, history has often proven the opposite to us. And no matter what statistics, psychology and personal experience broadcast, exceptions to the rule always happen. What awaits in the future of your friendship, no one will say. Do you value her? So keep being friends and see how it ends. Perhaps it is you who is destined to break the statistics of psychologists?

"Harry and Sally", "Friendship", "The Naked Truth" - what do all these films have in common? They want to make it clear to us that friendship between a guy and a girl cannot exist. Is this really true?

There is always sexual attraction

A team of researchers at the University of Wisconsin in the United States published the results of an experiment that showed that a pure Platonic relationship between a guy and a girl (male and female) cannot exist without sexual attraction. In the experiment, about 400 men and women were interviewed, who spoke about their expectations and feelings. The results show that men were more likely to be attracted to their girlfriends and were convinced that the feeling was mutual. Women, on the contrary, were more ready for platonic friendships. These results are also confirmed by a German study at the University of Oldenburg. 44% of the boys and men surveyed reported that they were attracted to their best friend, and only 31% of the women and girls surveyed said the same about their male friends.

Friendship between a guy and a girl can sometimes exist

There is also a lot of research showing that after all, a guy can be friends. An American Demographic Survey found that a Platonic friendship with the opposite sex between the ages of 18 and 24 is four times more likely than among adults. These findings lead to the fact that two-way friendship between people of different sexes is most common among single people. On the other hand, these results show a trend of change in today's youth. Even 30 years ago, there were numerous stereotypes and prejudices of gender roles that made friendship between a guy and a girl impossible. At present, such representations are normal for the majority.

When a guy and a girl are friends, it's good for both of them.

Friendship between a man and a woman can be a key factor in the well-being of both. So they are looking for affection, intimacy in their female friends, and women are looking for more protection and support. And so people help each other, until they find a life partner who would completely suit them in everything, and with whom they want to spend the rest of their lives together.

Quote: If you don't know how to love, stay friends.

Friendship without mutual sympathy is basically impossible. That's why no one believes that between a guy and a girl there can be just a friendly relationship without any romantic moments. If a guy and a girl are friends, share secrets, and they are interested in each other, then such friendship usually develops into something more serious. Over time, friends tend to spend more and more time together, become attached, miss each other, and suddenly realize that ... They fell in love. This feeling is quite natural, since a person has a desire to find his soul mate. But unfortunately, love between friends is not always mutual, and many receive only bitterness and suffering from such relationships. How lucky, friendship in this case can end either in a quarrel, parting, or true love. But can a man and a woman just be friends, communicate closely and confidentially, without hints of love and intimacy? Let's try to find the answer to this question.

As a rule, friendship develops in fairly typical directions:

• 1. Unrequited love. One of the "friends" secretly suffers, while the other does not notice it point-blank. At the same time, the lover is afraid to reveal his feelings, fearing that this could ruin the relationship, or he disguises his love as ordinary friendly relations. It happens that a lover cannot open up because a friend already has a relationship with another person, and no one wants to interfere and hurt a loved one. As a rule, such a friendship may soon end, since the lover simply cannot bear suffering, because the heart is not made of iron. Here it is important to talk to each other and find a way out together. If your friend is in love with you, and you want to see him only as a friend, then it is best to end the friendship so as not to cause pain and suffering to the other person.
• 2. Mutual love. Both "friends" experience the same feelings, but do not dare to get close, fearing that this could destroy the friendship. But in vain, because when two people have a lot in common: interests, tastes, views and opinions, when they feel the need for each other, then friendship between such people can be the beginning of a happy family life. As a rule, marriages between former friends are more likely to survive family problems and not fall apart due to quarrels and misunderstandings.
• 3. One of my friends is married. Friendship in this case often destroys the family. Family relationships are complex, but a friend is always there, and he is so white and fluffy ... It is important to understand here that he is so white and fluffy precisely because he is just a friend, and nothing more. In a life together, he may well be completely unbearable.
• 4. Old friendship. If two people have been friends for a long time, they know something about each other that mom does not grieve and at the same time are in love, then another problem may arise here. They know their partner so well that it simply prevents them from moving on to a closer, more loving relationship. There is some embarrassment, indecision, and in this case it is really difficult to move from friendship to a serious relationship, it is difficult to take the first step. But then everything goes like clockwork.
• 5. A friend is a former lover. It is believed that the best friends are those who were once lovers, but for some reason broke up and now just communicate well. Is sincere friendship possible in this case? Most likely not, because firstly, no girl will ever forgive a guy if he ignores her as a representative of the opposite sex. And secondly, any guy is always drawn to an ex-girlfriend, because a lot of memories are connected with her, so many things have been passed with her. Therefore, it is clear that in this case there may be a desire to remember the old and return to a love relationship, but this is not the best idea. Why step into the same river twice if you know the result in advance, you know how everything is likely to end again?

How can a girl understand that her friend is not indifferent to her? There are several points by which it is easy to find out the essence of the relationship:

Expensive gifts for no reason. If your friend presents you with gifts that can easily be classified as "expensive", then know that he is trying to show you his wealth and thereby win sympathy. At the same time, he is always ready to help you, even if the problem is completely trifling.

If a friend accompanies you with great pleasure even during shopping, then this is clearly not just friendship, but something more. Otherwise, why would he go to places that are boring for him, if he can occupy himself with something more interesting.

Not only girls are late. Guys can be punctual too. So, in case of being late, a real friend will simply apologize, but a lover, almost falling to his knees, will beg for forgiveness, fearing to lose your trust.

Take a closer look at your friend's behavior when he is drunk. It is under alcohol that all his true feelings for you will be revealed. If a guy starts pestering, complimenting (which he hadn’t noticed before), and even trying to kiss you, then he just loves you and there is no mention of friendship. Only a true friend, no matter how much he drank, will always control himself.

When a guy is in love, other girls cease to exist for him. So if a guy focuses all his attention exclusively on you, then there is nothing to think about his feelings. But a friend always remembers that there are a lot of girls around and he pays attention to each little by little equally.

It will be enough for a friend to talk to you by phone, Skype, or contact by e-mail or social network. But the lover will certainly seek a personal meeting.

Having noticed at least one of the above signs for your friend, know that he expects more than just friendship from you. And how to proceed further, what your relationship will be, is up to you.

Friendship has no limits, neither age nor social status is an obstacle if two people share common interests. You can rely on a friend, he will not leave you in trouble. A friend is glad to see you, even knowing about your shortcomings, you can ask him for advice, you can entrust him with all secrets. If you are lucky and you met such a sincere and spiritually close person of the opposite sex to you, then hold on to him, accept him as he is and you will get the most faithful person, without whom everyone's life seems empty.

We all want to have a friend of the opposite sex - to be able to ask for advice, to find out his or her view of certain things from the side that is a mystery to us. It’s just important to remember that such a trusting relationship can eventually develop into something more, namely, love. And no one can resist this feeling.

Maxim Dalnitsky, practicing psychologist