Communication with children. Childhood friendships and communication problems with peers

Psychologists and educators have long noticed that more and more children are becoming

unmanageable. Not only do they disobey and play pranks, but they simply do not hear what adults tell them. And the blame for this lies primarily with the parents themselves. Therefore, all fathers and mothers should know how to communicate with children.

Most parents make mistakes in communicating with their child for several reasons:

1. They feel they have to educate him, and discipline comes first. Therefore, they read a lot of notations and moralizing, but they simply have no time to talk heart to heart.

2. Scolding the child, they take revenge on him for their failures and troubles in life.

3. Parents believe that since they themselves were brought up this way, then this is how they should behave with the child. After all, no one told them how to communicate with children correctly.

The consequences of such communication are most often not liked not only by children, but also by the parents themselves. Over time, the child simply stops noticing them, completely not listening to what they say. In adolescence, such children are rude to adults, behave aggressively. This would not have happened if all parents knew how to properly communicate with the child.

Psychologists believe that for this they need to follow a few rules.

Rule one: never make fun of or humiliate a child. The vulnerable children's psyche accepts all the words of mom and dad, even spoken in jest or in a fit of anger, for the truth. If parents often repeat to their child that he is bad, clumsy, fat or clumsy, this will not only lead to low self-esteem in him, but will also cause the child to simply stop listening to them.

Rule two: never compare your child to others and never say that the boy next door is better than him. The child definitely needs to know that he is loved for who he is, and not because he is good or beautiful. Repeat to your baby more often how you love him and how much you need him.

Rule three: if the child made a mistake or did something wrong, never discuss him, but only his act. And in no case should you generalize: “you are always late”, “you did everything badly again”, “it’s all because of you”. Such phrases, thrown by parents in a temper, can completely disrupt their mutual understanding with the child. Therefore, knowing how to communicate with children will help to avoid many problems.

Rule four: do not demand from the child what he cannot do due to his age, lack of knowledge or experience. After all, children can only do what adults have taught them, and you cannot scold them for their inability, otherwise they will simply avoid such work, and then their parents.

Rule number five: the child is the same person as you. He needs normal human interaction. Never be afraid to tell him directly that something is bothering you, something hurts you, or you are unhappy with something. Always, if you were wrong, you need to ask the child for forgiveness. Do not worry that he will not understand you, on the contrary: he will trust you more.

Psychologists, explaining to parents how to communicate with children, emphasize that the child's psyche is very vulnerable, so you need to carefully monitor your words. Often an accidentally thrown assessment or accusation is strong Psychologists also believe that it is impossible to talk too much when communicating with a child. Adults are accustomed to

conversations to use a lot of comparisons, epithets and allusions. But children, especially small ones, take these words for the truth.

I would like to believe that soon every family will be able to say: "We are learning to communicate with the child correctly." In this case, there will be fewer conflicts, unhappy children and suicides among teenagers. Parents, learn to listen to your child, and then he will hear you!

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Introduction

communication preschooler speech

Communication is one of the most important factors in the overall mental development of a child.

The main functions of communication are:

people getting to know each other;

Communication is a necessary condition for the formation of personality, its consciousness and self-awareness.

The modern period of development of human society is characterized by closer attention to the preschool period of a person's life, the formation of his personality, the characteristics of socialization, the preservation and formation of a mentally and physically healthy generation. A person cannot live, work to satisfy his material and spiritual needs without communicating with other people. From birth, he enters into a variety of relationships with others. Communication is a necessary condition for the existence of a person and, at the same time, one of the main factors and the most important source of his mental development in ontogenesis. Communication belongs to the basic categories of psychological science.

In the works of domestic scientists L.S. Vygotsky, A.N. Leontiev and others, a position was put forward according to which the development of the child is fundamentally different from the development of the young of any animals. In contrast to animals, in humans, the socio-historical experience accumulated by previous generations is of primary importance. Without the assimilation of this socio-historical experience, the full development of the human individual is impossible. But for such assimilation, it is necessary for the child to communicate with adults who have already mastered this culture to one degree or another and are able to pass on to him the accumulated experience, to teach him the methods of practical and mental activity developed by mankind. This was proved in their studies by M.I. Lisina, T.A. Repin, D.B. Elkonin and others.

However, if the role of communication in the mental development of the child has been studied, then the development of communication itself, i.e., successive changes in the content, forms, methods and means of communication between the child and other people, remains an area that has not been studied enough. It seems to us relevant to consider the process of development of communication, relationships and joint activities, which is extremely important at the stage of preschool childhood.

Target:

to consider the influence of communication on the development of speech of preschool children.

Tasks:

1. Analyze the relationship between communication and speech development.

2. Determine the role of communication of preschool children with adults and peers.

3. To study the characteristics of the speech of a younger preschooler.

4. Determine the features of the formation of the speech of preschool children.

Methodsresearch: literature analysis.

Structurework: the work consists of an introduction, the main part, a conclusion and a list of references.

1. Influencecommunicationondevelopmentspeecheschildrenpreschoolage

1.1 Characteristiccommunication.Hispsychological and pedagogicalpeculiarities

From the point of view of psychology (for example, A.A. Leontiev), communication is understood as the process of establishing and maintaining a purposeful, direct or indirect contact between people, one way or another connected with each other psychologically. A simpler definition is given by M.I. Lisina: communication is the interaction of 2 or more people aimed at coordinating and combining efforts in order to build relationships and achieve a common result. As with any object of scientific study, communication has a number of inherent properties. Among them:

communication is a mutually directed action;

it implies the activity of each of its participants;

its participants expect to receive a response / response from a communication partner;

each of the participants in this process acts as a person.

From this, in particular, it follows that the subject of communication is another person, a communication partner. Each person seeks to know and appreciate other people. Recognizing and evaluating others, a person gets the opportunity for self-esteem and self-knowledge. This desire is the essence of the need for communication. Thus, the main functions of communication are:

organization of joint activities of people (coordination and unification of efforts to achieve them);

formation and development of interpersonal relationships;

people getting to know each other;

communication is a necessary condition for the formation of personality, its consciousness and self-awareness.

When addressing the problem of personality, one has to face an ambiguous understanding of this term, as well as a variety of its characteristics. "Personality" is considered in the light of different sciences: psychology, sociology, pedagogy, philosophy, etc. This sometimes leads to the loss of the psychological content of this concept.

The problem of communication was considered in the works of L.S. Vygotsky, A.A. Leontiev, V.N. Myasishcheva and others. Communication of preschool children with adults and peers was studied by M.I. Lisina, T.A. Repin, A.G. Ruzskaya and others.

In general psychology, communication is understood as a specific form of human interaction with other people, the purpose of which is the exchange of information, people's knowledge of each other, and the person's knowledge of himself (A.A. Bodalev, A.A. Leontiev) Interpersonal communication is an indispensable condition and at the same time generated by the vital needs of human society, a flexible and multi-purpose mechanism for the formation of a child's personality in the course of assimilation by him of socio-historical experience. (N.A. Berezovin) V.N. Myasishchev singles out one of the essential components of communication - the component of relations between those who communicate. Since we are talking about the interaction of people, it is quite natural that communication is associated with other types of human activity, their methods and results, interests, feelings, etc. (B. F. Lomov). It is also clear that the nature of the activity, the relationship of people to each other affects the specific characteristics of their communication. Therefore, to understand the essence of communication, a sign of mutual, mutual, specific activity of its participants is very important, due to which each of them alternately becomes either a subject or an object of communication, and “the impact of each involves the response of the other and is internally calculated on it” (M.I. Lisina, 15, p. 53). The specific characteristics of communication made it possible to put it in a number of basic psychological categories that are extremely difficult to study and, therefore, have not been studied enough.

In child psychology, the problem of a child's communication with other people is considered as the most significant, because it is in childhood that the main phenomena of social behavior develop, including in the conditions of a child's communication with other people. The main aspects of the study are the ontogeny of the child's communication with adults and peers, the child's mastery of communication methods, the connection between communication and children's activities, the role of communication in the realization of the child's intellectual abilities and his personal parameters, etc.

V.N. Belkina points out that “there is a sequence in the child's awareness of the objects of communication: at first it is an adult, and only at a certain stage it is a peer. Gradually, the circle of communication also expands, and then the motives and methods of communication become differentiated and complicated” (1, p. 27). It is important at the same time that the child's mastery of various parameters of communication occurs in almost the same sequence - first in the conditions of interaction with an adult, and later with a peer. This is especially evident at the level of verbal communication: at about the third year of life, the baby is already actively using speech as a means of communication with an adult, and only after one and a half to two years we observe the same picture in the child’s communication with peers. With regard to pedagogical tasks, this regularity seems to be important. Another aspect of the process of the child's mastery of communication as one of the most significant types of activity is also logical. In some psychological works, attention is drawn to the emergence of a special "crisis" around the fifth year of a child's life, the symptoms of which are especially pronounced in situations of communication with peers. The reason for it is the contradiction between the aggravated need of the preschooler for contacts with peers and the inability to realize this need. The validity of raising the question of the corresponding “crisis” is questioned in the literature, since difficulties in communicating children with peers arise not only during this period and have more complex reasons (T.A. Repina, 24).

Child psychology is interested in the process of establishing communication in children, the influence of a child's communication with adults and peers on his mental development.

V.N. Belkina identifies the following main areas in the development of communication in childhood:

1) a gradual change in the direction of communication. In the first month and a half, the child develops a need to communicate with an adult, but the initiator of communication is an adult, since he creates a situation of communication. At an early age, the child himself begins to show initiative in contacts with an adult, the range of interests of which expands. Then, in the middle, older preschool age, the child discovers for himself a new interesting object of the world around him - his peer, a "children's society" develops, which implies a special communication of children with each other. Consequently, the orientation of the child's communication is characterized by two sides: child - adult and child - child.

2) The content of the need for communication is changing, becoming more complicated: according to M.I. Lisina, the following stages of development of this need should be distinguished: in the attention and benevolence of an adult (from 0 to 6 months; in cooperation (early age); in a trusting attitude to the child's needs (younger and middle preschool age); in mutual understanding and empathy (older preschool age).

3) Communication motives: cognitive, business and personal. Cognitive ones are connected with the child's interest in the world around him, which is reflected in children's questions. Business motives accompany the situation of the child's cooperation with adults or peers in the performance of any activity. Personal characterize the interest of a growing person in the inner world of an adult and a peer, the child's attitude to another person as a representative of a social group.

4) The child gradually masters the ways of communication. In the process of direct communication, facial expressions and pantomime are used, then from the third year of life, the child begins to use speech as a means of communication. At first, he communicates through speech mainly with adults, and only in the second half of preschool age does speech become the main means of communication with his peers. The leading role in the child's mastery of various means of communication belongs to an adult.

5) Already from the first years of life, the child is included not only in direct communication with other people, but also in indirect communication: through books, television, radio (2, p. 30-31).

1.2 Connection communication And development speeches

Speech develops and manifests itself in the communication of people. The interests of the development of the child's language require the gradual expansion of his social ties. They affect both the content and the structure of speech. In his social development, the child, starting from the primary social cell (mother and child), of which he becomes a member at the time of birth, constantly communicates with people, and this, of course, affects the growth and manifestations of his speech. Language and labor (for children, games) organize the forms of social life, and therefore all pedagogical measures that tend to organize the labor and games of children and develop their language correspond to the interests and social education.

The interlocutors of the child should be both children and adults, but it is especially important and necessary that the child rotates among his peers, so that he is given ample opportunity to communicate with children, play, exchange thoughts and feelings, and in this way develop his speech.

The spiritual and verbal communication of children with adults can in no way replace the comradely association of the children themselves. Children never talk so much, willingly, naturally, about everything that is closest and dearest to them, as in their children's society, provided, of course, that this society is intoxicated by long-term acquaintance and common interests. And if such conditions are not created by themselves in the lives of our children, we, adults, are charged with the duty to create them. The verbal communication of an adult with a child will be full of meaning only when the latter sees in the adult a comrade who lives with him in the same interests, a friend whom he loves, to whom he trustingly opens his soul, his thoughts, feelings and desires. The knowledge and skills that a child acquires in the game are innumerable. While playing, he learns, and not a single teaching is conceivable without the help of the main teacher - the language. First of all, we must adapt the game of children to the interests of the development of their speech.

Self-activity in the field of the language of children is not manifested in anything so brightly and intensively as in play and through play - in work. Methodological measures for the development of the speech of preschool children are mainly reduced to the organization of the game and the visual activity of children. The selection of toys and aids, the methods of managing the game, the types and forms of intervention in it must be carefully thought out and mastered by educators in connection with their influence on the development of children's speech.

1.3 CommunicationcoadultsVpreschoolage

One of the main aspirations of a child at this age is the desire to master the body, mental functions and social ways of interacting with others. The child learns accepted positive forms of communication. He is rapidly developing speech, which here has not only the function of exchanging information, but also expressive.

Extra-situational - personal form of communication between children and adults is formed at the age of 6 - 7 years. It is she who is the highest point in the communication of a child with an adult, since the motive of communication is not the objective world, but the world of people. Extra-situational communication becomes possible only due to the fact that the child masters active speech.

After all, speech is the only universal means that allows a person to create stable images and ideas about objects that are not currently in front of the child’s eyes, and to act with these images and ideas that are not present in a given situation of interaction. Such communication, the content of which goes beyond the perceived situation, is called extra-situational. There are two forms of extra-situational communication: cognitive and personal.

Cognitive communication is characterized by:

1) good command of speech, which allows you to talk with an adult about things that are not in a particular situation;

2) cognitive motives of communication, the curiosity of children, the desire to explain the world, which is manifested in children's questions;

3) the need for respect for an adult, which is expressed in resentment at the remarks and negative assessments of the educator.

The need for mutual understanding of an adult is a distinctive feature of the personal form of communication. To maintain the desire to be good, it will be much more useful to encourage his right actions and positive qualities than to condemn the child's shortcomings.

Preschoolers have a more complex need for communication - cooperation, respect and empathy. Thanks to communication with adults, the true development of the child's personality takes place, which consists not only in a quantitative change in the content and methods of communication, but also in a deep qualitative change in this process, transitions from one stage to another. It is no coincidence that communication is understood as a purposeful process that solves the problem of coordinating the actions of two or more individuals.

During the first years of life, profound transformations take place in the process of communication of the child with others. The main change is that, along with the satisfaction of vital needs, communication arises, aimed at coordinating actions to achieve a practically important result, and then there are acts of communication that have other goals than solving practical problems. The child feels the need to communicate with an adult as an authoritative bearer of social and moral experience and seeks to get an assessment of his thoughts, actions and personal qualities from him, to achieve mutual understanding and empathy with him, to learn to act like him.

The line of development of communication between an adult and a child is carried out in the direction from a simpler form to a more complex one. The correct course of the development of communication lies in the consistent and full living of each form of communication at the appropriate age. Of course, the presence of a leading form of communication does not at all mean that all other forms of interaction are excluded and that a child who has achieved, for example, an extra-situational-personal form of communication, should only do what to talk with an adult on personal topics. In real life, a variety of types of communication coexist, which come into play depending on the situation. The ability to communicate (both in a child and in an adult) lies precisely in the extent to which a person’s behavior corresponds to the tasks and requirements of the situation, how widely he uses and varies business, cognitive and personal contacts with another person. But the level of development of communication is determined by the highest achievements of the child in the field of communication. An indicator of the development of communication is not the predominance of certain contacts, but the ability and ability to communicate on various topics, depending on the situation and on the partner. In order to teach a child to communicate with an adult, special classes are needed to develop communication.

1.4 DevelopmentspeecheschildrenVprocesscommunicationcopeers

At preschool age, the child's world is no longer limited to the family. Significant people for him now are not only mom, dad or grandmother, but also other children, peers. And as the baby grows older, contacts and conflicts with peers will be more important for him. In almost every kindergarten group, a complex and sometimes dramatic scenario of children's interpersonal relationships unfolds. Preschoolers make friends, quarrel, reconcile, get offended, jealous, help each other, and sometimes do minor dirty tricks. All these relationships are acutely experienced by the child and are colored by a mass of various emotions. Emotional tension and conflict in children's relationships is much higher than among adults. Parents and educators are sometimes unaware of the richest range of feelings and relationships that their children experience, and, naturally, they do not attach much importance to children's friendships, quarrels, and insults.

Adult assistance should be based on an understanding of the psychological causes underlying certain problems in the interpersonal relationships of children. It is the internal causes that cause a child's stable conflict with peers, lead to his objective or subjective isolation, make the baby feel lonely - and this is one of the most difficult and destructive experiences of a person.

Features of communication of preschoolers.

1. A striking characteristic of peer communication lies in its extreme emotional richness.

Contacts of preschoolers are characterized by increased emotionality and looseness, which cannot be said about the interaction of a baby with an adult. If a child usually speaks relatively calmly with an adult, then conversations with peers are usually characterized by sharp intonations, screaming, and laughter. On average, in the communication of peers, there are 9-10 times more expressive-mimic manifestations expressing various emotional states - from violent indignation to violent joy, from tenderness and sympathy - to a fight. With an adult, the child, as a rule, tries to behave smoothly, without extreme expression of emotions and feelings.

Such a strong emotional richness of the contacts of preschoolers is due to the fact that, starting from the age of four, a peer, rather than an adult, becomes a more attractive partner for a child. Preschoolers themselves clearly understand that they are interested in children like them, and not just with mom and dad.

2. Non-standard and unregulated children.

If in communication with an adult, even the smallest children adhere to certain norms of behavior, then when interacting with their peers, preschoolers behave at ease. Their movements are characterized by a special looseness and naturalness: children jump, take bizarre poses, grimace, squeal, run after each other, mimic each other, invent new words and come up with fables, etc. Such free behavior of preschool children usually tires adults, and they strive to stop this "disgrace".

However, for the children themselves, such freedom is very important. Oddly enough, such "grimacing" is of great importance for the development of the child. Peer society helps the child to show their originality. If an adult instills norms of behavior in a child, then a peer encourages manifestations of individuality. It is no coincidence that those activities that require the manifestation of creativity - playing, fantasizing, dramatization - are so popular among peers. The looseness of communication, the use of unpredictable and non-standard means, remains a hallmark of children's communication until the end of preschool age.

3. The predominance of initiative actions over response ones.

Communication involves interaction with a partner, attention to him, the ability to hear him and respond to his proposals.

Young children do not have such abilities in relation to their peers. This is especially evident in the inability of preschoolers to conduct a dialogue, which breaks up due to the lack of reciprocal activity of the partner. For a child, his own action or statement is much more important, and in most cases the initiative of a peer is not supported by him. As a result, everyone speaks about his own, and no one hears his partner. Such inconsistency in the communicative actions of children often gives rise to conflicts, protests, and resentment. These features are typical for children's contacts throughout the entire preschool age (from 3 to 6-7 years). However, the content of children's communication does not remain unchanged during all four years: communication and relationships of children go through a complex path of development, in which three main stages can be distinguished.

At a younger age (at 2-4 years old), it is necessary and sufficient for a child that a peer joins his pranks, supports and enhances the general fun. In a peer, the child perceives only attention to himself, and the peer himself (his actions, desires, moods), as a rule, is not noticed. A peer is for him just a mirror in which he sees only himself. Communication at this age is extremely situational - it entirely depends on the specific environment in which the interaction takes place, and on the practical actions of the partner. Quite often, some attractive object can destroy the friendly game of children: their attention immediately switches to it. The struggle for a toy and the reluctance to give up one's own is a distinctive feature of babies. Only with the help of an adult can a baby see an equal personality in a peer. Young children are indifferent to the success of their peers, even if the praise comes from an adult. At the same time, the presence of the same age makes the child more emotional and active, as evidenced by the desire of children for each other and mutual imitation. The ease with which three-year-olds become infected with shared emotional states may be indicative of the special commonality that arises when the same skills and things are found.

Middle preschool age

A decisive change in attitude towards peers occurs in a child in the middle of preschool age. In the fifth year of life (especially for those children who attend kindergarten), same-year-olds become more attractive to the baby and take an increasing place in life. Now children consciously prefer to play with another child, rather than with an adult or alone.

At this stage, the need for recognition and respect from a peer is no less clearly manifested. The child seeks to attract the attention of others, sensitively catches signs of attitude towards himself in their views and facial expressions, demonstrates resentment in response to inattention or reproaches of partners. At the age of four or five, children closely and jealously observe the actions of their peers and evaluate them: they often ask adults about the successes of their comrades, demonstrate their advantages, and try to hide their mistakes and failures from their peers. A competitive, competitive beginning appears in children's communication. Children closely and jealously observe the actions of their peers and evaluate them.

The successes of peers can cause grief to children, and his failures cause undisguised joy. It is at this age that the number of children's conflicts increases significantly, envy, jealousy, and resentment towards a peer are openly manifested. A preschooler forms an opinion about himself, constantly comparing himself with his peers. Through comparison with peers, the child evaluates and asserts himself as the owner of certain virtues that can be evaluated by others.

A tool that helps a child of middle preschool age to communicate normally with peers is a joint game. Children who know how and love to play will definitely learn to establish contacts with partners, distribute roles, and create a game situation.

Senior preschool age.

By the age of 6-7, children's attitude towards peers again changes significantly. At this time, the child is capable of extra-situational communication, in no way connected with what is happening here and now. At this age, communication is already possible between them in the usual sense of the word for us, that is, not related to games and toys. Children can just talk for a long time without doing any practical actions. The relationship between them also changes significantly.

By the age of six, the friendliness and emotional involvement of the child in the activities and experiences of peers increases significantly. Quite often, even contrary to the rules of the game, they seek to help their peers, to suggest the right move. At the same time, the competitive, competitive beginning in the communication of children is preserved. However, along with this, older preschoolers develop the ability to see in a partner not only his toys, mistakes or successes, but also his desires, preferences, moods. Sometimes children are already able to empathize with both the successes and failures of their peers. Such emotional involvement in the actions of peers indicates that peers become for the child not only a means of self-affirmation and comparison with themselves, not only preferred partners. Interest in a peer comes to the fore as a valuable person, important and interesting, regardless of her achievements and the objects that she possesses. Parents should support their children in such an attitude towards peers, teach care for others by personal example, and take children's attachments seriously. By the end of preschool age, stable selective attachments arise between children, the first shoots of friendship appear. Preschoolers gather in small groups (2-3 people each) and show a clear preference for their friends.

Communication with an adult is of exceptional importance for a child at all stages of childhood. But it is especially important in the first seven years of his life, when all the foundations of the personality and activity of a growing person are laid. Moreover, the younger the child, the more important communication with adults is for him. Communication is the most important condition for the development of a child in the process of ontogenesis - the development of both internal (personal, emotional, motivational) and external (motor activity, general developmental status, etc.). Full communication between adults and a child not only contributes to the course of normal development, but can also be a “cure” for an unfavorable genetic background.

1.5 General characteristic speeches junior preschooler

At preschool age, the child's speech acquires new qualitative features. Along with the rapid growth of the vocabulary (from 1000-1200 words for a three-year-old child to 3000-4000 words for an older preschooler), there is a practical mastery of more complex sentence forms, the grammatical structure of the native language.

The development of speech occurs in the process of communication between the child and others, which becomes richer and more diverse at preschool age due to the knowledge accumulated by the child and participation in various collective games and activities. The improvement of speech is inextricably linked with the development of the child's thinking, in particular with the transition from visual-active to reasoning, logical thinking, which begins to take shape at preschool age. All this encourages the child to master the means of language, to move on to new, more complex forms of verbal utterances.

The relationship between the two signal systems is changing, the relationship between the word, on the one hand, and visual images and direct actions, on the other. If the speech of a young child is connected mainly with what he perceives and does at the moment, then the preschooler, in addition to this, begins to understand and himself to talk about more distant things that he can only imagine, only mentally imagine. A preschooler does not memorize grammatical rules, does not memorize their definitions, he does not even know what a union, preposition, gender, case is. He masters all this practically, listening to the speech of adults, himself talking with others in everyday life, in games and classes. As the experience of verbal communication accumulates, the child develops unconscious empirical linguistic generalizations, the so-called sense of language is formed.

1.6 Formationspeecheschildrenpreschoolage

In the process of speech development, the child must learn not only new words, but also their meanings. The meanings of words, as already indicated, are generalizations of a number of similar objects or phenomena. Therefore, mastering the meaning of a word is a difficult task for a preschooler who still has limited knowledge and insufficient ability to generalize.

Sometimes it happens that a child, having learned a word, does not yet understand its real meaning and interprets this word in his own way, in accordance with his limited experience.

The teacher must ensure that, while assimilating a new word, the child at the same time correctly understands its meaning. The speech of the child acquires a different character at different stages of preschool childhood. The speech of children of younger preschool age has many more features characteristic of the speech of a child of early age. To a large extent, the direct connection of children's statements with perception and action is preserved. Under the influence of properly organized educational work, everyday communication with adults, games and special classes, children move on to more advanced forms of speech construction and master the correct sound pronunciation. The speech of children of middle preschool age becomes richer in content and acquires a more complex structure than that of toddlers. The vocabulary of the child is greatly increased. Children's conversations often no longer refer to given, directly perceived circumstances, but to what was perceived earlier or was told by parents and educators and other children. This expansion of verbal communication leads to a change in the structure of children's speech. Along with the names of objects and actions, children begin to widely use various definitions. The child connects sentences and subordinates them to each other in accordance with the nature of the phenomena described. This change in the structure of speech is closely connected with the appearance of reasoning, logical thinking. At the same time, in the speech of a child of middle preschool age, along with new features, features of the previous stage of development are preserved.

The teacher's conversations with children, listening to fairy tales and other works of children's literature, children's conversations in the process of collective games and activities are a necessary condition for the development of speech in preschool age.

In children of older preschool age, further development of speech occurs. The child's vocabulary increases significantly (up to 3000-4000 words). Complicating in connection with new types of training sessions, collective games, labor assignments, communication with other people leads to the enrichment of the child's vocabulary and mastery of new grammatical forms of the native language.

At the same time, the enrichment of the child's experience, the development of his thinking affects the change in the structure of his speech, which in turn encourages him to master new, more complex forms of language. Older preschoolers are not only guided in the practice of verbal communication by a sense of language, but also make the first attempts to realize the linguistic generalizations underlying it.

Conclusion

As the spiritual life of the child is enriched, the meaning of communication becomes more complex and deeper, expanding in connections with the world and in the emergence of new abilities. The main and most striking positive effect of communication lies in its ability to accelerate the development of children.

Thus, for the youngest children, it is very important that the adult be a rich source of various influences, without which the infant may lack impressions. At the same time, the experience of the child is enriched. The process of personality development is a stage in the development of relations between a child and an adult.

Skill does not come by itself, it is acquired at the cost of the effort expended on learning. However, adults and teachers can help children in this hard work in many ways if they begin to instill communication skills from early childhood. It is they who show children patterns of communication with various people, standards of emotional manifestations, organize their interaction with each other, teach adequate emotional communication. The knowledge gained by preschoolers in the classroom will give them an idea of the art of human relationships. Thanks to specially designed games and exercises, they will form emotional and motivational attitudes towards themselves, towards others, peers and adults. They will acquire the skills, abilities and experience necessary for adequate behavior in society, contributing to the best development of the child and preparing him for life.

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7. Development of communication among preschoolers / Ed. A.V. Zaporozhets, M.I. Lisina. M., 1974.

8. Shipitsyna L.M., Zashchirinskaya O.V., Voronova A.P., Nilova T.A. ABC of communication: Development of the child's personality, communication skills with adults and peers. Childhood - Press, 2000

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The essence of the method

The psychology of communication with a child (children) involves being guided in contact with children by such feelings as:

sensitivity;
heat;
interest;
affectionate treatment;
the ability to listen, explain, approve, blame;
turn the conflict into a joke.

Pedagogical communication of the educator with children is the interaction of the teacher and children with the aim of exerting educational, educational influence on them. The interweaving of these two forms of interaction between the educator and children forms the psychological and pedagogical foundations for communication between educators and children.

The problem of a child getting used to kindergarten is eternal.

Few parents can boast of a child's quick adaptation to kindergarten, the absence of tears when parting with his mother in the morning in the kindergarten locker room, and a quick addiction to the teacher. In addition, even 4-5-year-olds have barriers in communicating with a teacher.

On the contrary, some guys, from the first days, skipping to a new teacher, remember the kindergarten with a smile. What does it depend on? Causes:

The nature of the child

Anxious children, restless, shy, fearful - need a sense of security that parents give them, a home environment. Everything alien is perceived by them very painfully and tragically.

The task of the teacher is to provide such children with a similar atmosphere as much as possible:

talk to them quietly, without raising your voice;
guess the desires of the child - and act in accordance with them;
at first, help him more than the rest (wash after dinner, go to bed during a quiet hour, look at pictures with them);
sincerely friendly attitude, smile;
if the child allows, take him in your arms;
do not scold or punish, but explain how to do it.

Communication style of the teacher with the class

Psychologists talk about the following styles of pedagogical communication between a teacher and children:

Directed (playing, artistic, didactic) - the focus on gaming activities, creative, educational predominates.
Authoritarian (formal-pragmatic) - a tough style that involves the meek execution by the child of all the orders of the educator, any initiative of the child is rejected, disobedience ends with a strict assessment and moralizing. This style creates in some children a fear of the teacher-educator, trembling before any mention of the kindergarten and, as a result, a complete lack of desire to attend it. For other children, it forms a protest: their behavior becomes worse, aggressiveness, impudence appear, in any case - there is no friendly contact, the kindergarten is perceived as an unbearable duty.
Liberal (indifferent) - permissiveness prevails, cases of lack of discipline are frequent, children do not perceive the teacher as an adult, there is no mental and psychological communication between the teacher and children. The educator does not delve into the problems of children, does not understand the ongoing conflicts, when the child complains, he only dismisses or theatrically raises his voice. When changing the teacher (due to illness, during vacation) - the children do not experience any regrets, they are indifferent to this.
Democratic - the most preferred type of communication between a teacher and children, which can "replace" the home communication of a child with parents. In this case, the teacher-educator establishes an individual approach to each:

everyone should be involved in the process: games, activities, sleep, interest, distract from mischief and nullify anxiety and timidity;
the group can judge the teacher: if the children are washed, combed, neatly dressed - this indicates that the teacher knows how to organize the children, treats everyone with respect, he has a desire to take care of them;
contact with parents is established, even if the child is difficult to communicate with, it is difficult to find contact with parents - you need to try to do this: in any case, you need to talk about the merits of the child, about good deeds (any parent is pleased to hear this), and only then start a conversation about the problems that have arisen, behavior, whims and jointly build a line of further action.
a competent professional teacher will be able to teach children how to get out of controversial situations without conflict, teach them to share, not to snitch, interest in classes and learning new things, introduce them to gymnastics, participation in matinees.
shows a sincere interest in the pupils: he knows about their hobbies, knows how to listen to everyone, cheer up some, scold others, ask for the fulfillment of the request. As for the fulfillment of the request (in other words, the pedagogical requirement), the presentation of which should affect the children and bring the desired result: for example, the pedagogical requirement to complete the task (make an application, cut out a figure, mold from plasticine), make the bed after a daytime sleep, help the nanny clear the table .

Submission of information

spoken politely, using "magic words": please, be kind;
delivered in a determined, confident tone that does not imply a refusal;
give clear instructions, tell the child's actions step by step, give arguments;
bring the requirement to the end so that the child understands the importance of the task and its obligatory fulfillment.

Of course, the teacher cannot be guided only by his own feelings, desires and judgments during cooperation with the child. There are norms, pedagogical requirements in communicating with children, special seminars are organized, advanced training courses for educators-teachers, various trainings on the psychology of communication with children, a huge number of books on the psychology of communication with children have been published.

Brief note to the teacher

Arrangement of the group: bright “joyful” aesthetic design of the group, selection of age-appropriate toys (developing both thinking, logic, motor skills, and motor activity), books, didactic and visual material, organization of free space in the group for collective games;
Show sincere interest in children, act according to the situation, and not stereotyped;
Evaluate the actions and results of work and behavior, without comparing the guys with each other, do not single out “favorites”;
To teach the children affectionate communication with each other, using polite words, to teach them to help their comrades. To be open;
Listen to the child to the end, without interrupting him and not sending him to come back later;
The behavior of the child depends entirely on his feelings. What feelings - such behavior. Try to understand the emotional state of the child in order to understand the causes of behavior;
Allow the child to make independent decisions;
Be friendly and welcoming. Being a well-loved and professional caregiver is not an easy task. Winning the respect of children, their love is a painstaking daily work;
Organization of classes with the aim of:

development of communication skills between the children, between the child and the teacher;
development of motor activity, energy release (gymnastics, outdoor games, dance classes, children's fitness);
development of perseverance, motor skills of hands, acquisition of artistic and written skills, mastery of application;
development of an ear for music, a sense of rhythm, etc.

In recent decades, psychologists have made an interesting discovery. It turns out that for the full development of the personality of the child is very important his communication with his parents.

A baby who receives appropriate medical care and good nutrition, but is deprived of close communication with adults, mentally and physically develops slowly and inharmoniously. He loses weight, loses interest in life, cannot subsequently establish close relationships, does not know how to make friends and love. It is difficult for him to find himself, to decide in life.

Even those children who were brought up in good orphanages experience serious difficulties in organizing their family life and living independently in society. They often feel unhappy.

Causes of misunderstanding of children and parents

The world practice of helping psychologists has shown that most of the problems of children's behavior and their relationships with adults are solvable if you can find an appropriate style of communication in the family.

Often, parents who seek help from a psychological center on the issue of raising children have themselves grown up in conditions of an insufficiently comfortable and safe style of communication in the family.
Psychologists believe that the way of upbringing and the style of communication in the family can be transmitted from one generation of parents to another. Ways of education and communication styles of parents are sensitively perceived and memorized by children.
Later, people begin to raise their children the way they were raised in childhood.

Some parents realize that the family patterns of behavior they have inherited are not suitable, contradictory or not entirely humane. Other parents feel anxiety in raising a child and do not understand its essence.

Parents often complain that, even using all the known options for raising children, they fail to agree with them. In this case, you can follow simple rules of communication with the child.

How to communicate with a child?

Proper communication between parents and children helps to increase the child's confidence, his self-esteem. At any age, children should feel confident that they can tell their parents about everything that happens in their lives. How to achieve this?

Accept the child as he is. You need to love children not because of external or internal qualities, but because they are. Do not be afraid to tell your child that he is dear and important to you.
Do not build communication only from a story about something or a lesson. Communication is the ability to listen to the opinion of the child, to understand his emotional state. If you are busy with something and cannot listen to the child, do not pretend that you are listening to him. Say that you are busy, that you will talk to him later.
When communicating with your child, try not to interrupt him, keep eye contact, use sign language, smile.

These rules apply if parents use them from the very beginning in communicating with children. However, the experience of psychological counseling shows that parents are not always satisfied with the theoretical recommendations for raising children. This is due to the fact that parents lack new communication skills with the child or self-regulation skills that could allow them to find the best way out of the situation. Where to look for help?

Methods for overcoming communication difficulties

Modern psychologists believe that the most effective help for parents and children is communicative educational programs, the so-called. courses of communication with children. In the courses, the emphasis is on helping parents to become aware of their style of communication with children, their goals and methods of education.

For more than a decade, many countries have been conducting communication courses with children for adults. Hundreds of thousands of parents and teachers have gone through them in America. Similar courses are becoming more common in our country. The courses help to cope with the difficulties of education so effectively that even adolescence is easily tolerated by both parents and children. Parents agree that the courses provide real moral support and assistance in raising children.

Another help in raising a child is family counseling, in which all family members, including children, take part. Family consultations are often organized in the form of mini communication trainings, where family members can discuss difficult family situations, communication style with each other, learn how to communicate properly, using the help and advice of a psychologist.

The psychologist creates a comfortable and trusting atmosphere, helps to acquire new communication skills with children. Such a consultation can be carried out in our center. A child psychologist will help eliminate barriers in communication, find a common language with the child. Together we will reach understanding and find the interrupted thread of communication.

Article author: family and child psychologist Lapushkina Maria Alexandrovna. Over 20 years of experience. He is a leading psychologist, helps in resolving personal and family conflicts.

(10 steps to ensure that your children listen to you)

Getting acquainted with the ideas of the psychotherapist Isabelle Fiyoza, you will sometimes smile, perhaps you will grumble, feeling that you are not able to behave in this way with your own child, or, conversely, you will find her advice too trivial and therefore not serious. But perhaps they shouldn't be taken too literally. These unusualparenting advicemore likely to help parents learn newfeatures of communication with children- in case the old and familiar do not justify themselves. This article, addressed to parents of children aged 8-15, is worth re-reading more than once, because the philosophy of education outlined in it is difficult to assimilate right away. You penetrate it gradually, step by step, until one day it becomes a habitual way of thinking.

In her advice, Isabel Fiyoza draws on the experience of all those for whom a child and the desire to hear his personality is the most important thing in relation to parents and children. These are French psychoanalyst Françoise Dolto and representatives of American humanistic psychology Carl Rogers, Thomas Gordon and others. Isabelle Fiyoza's main concern is to describe a new way of parenting, thanks to which our children would become independent individuals, self-confident and respectful of others. Isn't that what we ourselves are striving for…often, alas, losing sight of this goal? So the paths that this article offers us may turn out to be most welcome!

Living with a child is not easy...

We all would like to own a trouble-free method of education, but alas! Parental craft involves the need to adapt to the situation anew every day. After all, a child grows and changes every day. And our life together often comes down to overcoming everyday difficulties. "Did you put the diary in your briefcase?" "Come quickly!" About 80% of our statements addressed to a son or daughter are instructions and prohibitions. But they only sometimes justify themselves, and then only in the short term: disciplinary measures usually do not make children disciplined. As soon as an overbearing parent turns away, the child immediately ceases to “rule himself”!

In addition, we are strict, then compliant - especially when we get tired, when the thicket of patience overflows or we simply do not have enough time. And most importantly, we simply do not know how to react differently.

Sometimes parents give in to any request of a child in order to please him and win his love. But if we are so afraid of upsetting the child that we hesitate to express our anger, to take care of our own needs, to demand compliance with the norms of behavior and prohibitions that ensure safety, then the child is in the lead. And he is deeply disturbed by this.

To learn self-discipline, children need permission more than prohibition, but only the right permission given by parents who can protect and have personal authority (otherwise the children feel permissive). The child does not need permission to do what he wants, he needs permission to be himself, move forward, express his emotions, thoughts, needs ...

Using 10 common situations as an example, we invite you to identify your typical reactions. Perhaps your parents demanded obedience and humility, but you prefer independence, but programmed reactions control you against your will. It's not easy to accept that our children have rights that we didn't have! If we are aware of the feelings that we ourselves experienced in childhood, we will be able to hear our child and we will educate him in a new way. But if we deny our childhood wounds, idealize our own parents, then we run the risk of repeating again and again the model of education from which we ourselves suffered. And, not coping with the situation, we will begin to blame the child: “He brought me!”, “He doesn’t understand in a good way!”, “He can’t stand it!” ...

So, SITUATION 1: Quiet! Learn to listen.

Situation: he complains “Our math is bad and unfair! She gave me an F because I just forgot my notebook.”

The usual reaction is that in response to the child's excited words, we tend to either downplay the problem ("Okay, it's not so important"), or blame him ("No wonder, you always forget everything!"), Or cut off the prohibition ("Don't talk about the teacher like that!"). Or, trying to help, we begin to comment, give advice and guidance. But they kill in him the desire to express his feelings. It is useless to explain to the child that you would have handled the situation better than him. And then, are you sure that you correctly understood the essence of the problem? Behind the complaint "I don't like this teacher" may be hiding "I'm not doing well" or "I was hurt by a friend."

Your goal: to strengthen your bond with your child and teach him to face difficulties.

New setting: does he start a conversation? Shh! Now is not the time to talk - look at him and listen. Encouraged by your trust, he will feel strength in himself. And you will be grateful.

Clue! You can insert exclamations (“Wow!”, “Yes?”, “Well, well!”) to show how carefully you are listening, but do not ask questions or make comments. Even if he himself asks for advice, it is wiser to abstain. It is better to solve the problem together.

SITUATION 2: Offer a choice.

Situation: He didn't wash the dishes or didn't do his homework.

The usual reaction: “Wash the dishes!”, “Sit down for lessons immediately!”. By obeying, the child ceases to feel his individuality. We control him, and he is just a performer. So he does not learn to independently make choices and manage his life. In addition, washing dishes on one's own initiative and under duress are not the same thing at all. It makes a big difference who you are - the subject of the action or the object. By ordering, we will ensure that the child does what we need, but will not help him grow into a responsible person.

Your goal: to teach your child to make choices, organize his life and be responsible for himself.

To feel like the subject of your actions, in control of your life, you need to have a choice. Even if you can only choose the time or method of completing the assignment. Understanding that there is a choice allows you to feel free and feel that you yourself are the initiator of your every action. And this gives self-confidence and consciousness of their independence.

New installation: in order not to cause resistance in the child, offer him a choice (instead of commanding). For example: "Can you wash the dishes now or when you return from a walk", "Where do you like to start - with mathematics or English?".

Clue! Think about respecting his need for independence rather than manipulating him into getting his help.

SITUATION 3: Be short.

Situation: his sneakers are lying in the middle of the corridor.

The usual reaction is that we tend to exaggerate the significance of his negligence. Our tone is usually irritated, and therefore aggressive and somewhat accusatory. What do we hope for? That the child admits a mistake and corrects himself. This sometimes happens when he is small ... But as he gets older and gets used to our comments, he stops listening to us after the very first words! We, tired of chastising him, put things in order instead of him.

Your goal is to teach your child to look after his sneakers and in general for his things.

By drawing his attention to them, you will gradually teach him the attitude to his own things that you expect from him. To reach your goal faster and without conflict, be brief! Of course, one reminder will not be enough for him to put away his sneakers or remember about the bag with the sports uniform. Especially if he is already used to remarks or to the fact that they do it instead of him. But still, the results will not have to wait long - neither you nor him.

New attitude: whenever possible, say one single word. Just draw the child's attention to the subject. Say calmly: "Sneakers!"

Clue! We must not forget about the tone of voice - it should express the usual reminder. Do you feel the anger build up? Take a breath. Perhaps, leaving his sneakers in the middle of the hallway, he thought about taking them off and not dirtying the floor in the room.

SITUATION 4: Spend time together.

Situation: he messes around, gets bad grades, your relationship deteriorates...

The usual reaction: moralizing, punishment ... It seems to us that this is how we return him to the right path. But in reality, we are achieving one thing: the child will lose confidence in us, withdraw into himself, and ultimately the problems will worsen. After all, what provoked these antics? Dissatisfaction with himself, a growing sense of anxiety and loneliness, which sooner or later will further exacerbate his strange behavior.

Occupied with daily chores, we often take care of the child in between times, we only make sure that he does not bloom at all. But if parents do not find time for children, they quickly begin to feel uninteresting for them. And while children do not receive their portion of attention, you should not expect that their behavior will change. And, of course, you should not wait for the first step from the child - "let him change first, and then I will become interested in him." After all, if a flower is wilted, you will not wait until it blooms again to water it!

Your goal is to make the child feel loved, and you have the opportunity to discuss with him the reasons for his behavior.

Before you scold your child, remember how much attention you give him. Children's calculation is simple: mom and dad look at me, listen to me - it means that they are interested in me, I am involved in their life, I also listen to them, I help them.

New Attitude: Give your child 10 minutes of genuine attention each day.

Clue! It is not always easy to show love to a child who plays pranks ... But that's why we are adults! Dedicate only ten minutes of your time to him, without talking on the phone and without cleaning the apartment - do you think this is too much? You can start with two minutes and gradually increase this time.

SITUATION 5: Share information.

Situation: he takes two oranges, eats only one, and throws the second orange and kitchen peels on the kitchen table.

Common response: to order ("Remove the orange immediately and discard the peels!"). In response, three reactions can be expected from the child: he will either obey, or evade, or openly oppose. But even if he obeys, his complaisance will not be enough for a long time. Very soon, the child will simply stop listening, and then openly rebel. There is another danger: by ordering, we achieve obedience, but the child does not learn to act on his own. We are compelled to repeat our demands every time, but in our absence he shows no initiative. It seems to us that we are explaining to him by our instructions how to act. But this is a delusion. The structure of a phrase erases the information it contains.

Your goal is to develop a sense of responsibility in the child.

He needs to put things in order in his thoughts and realize the scope of his duties. To help, explain, show, give him guidelines. Gradually, the child's brain will learn and organize information. In this case, the child does not follow our orders, but works on his own thinking.

New attitude: give him clear instructions on what he should do.

To increase the chances that the child will do the right thing on his own, teach him: “The orange that you did not eat is put in the refrigerator, and the peels are thrown into the trash can.”

Clue! It is important to watch your intonation and not tell the child what he already knows, like: "A trash can is a place where waste is thrown." He will rightly get angry: “Are you taking me for a fool?”

SITUATION 6: Describe the problem.

Situation: There is a broken glass on the floor in the kitchen. Or there is a large jam stain on the carpet in the room.

The usual reaction is: “Who did this?”, “Did you also break a glass?” Accusations, the search for the culprit ... How much wasted energy, reasons for quarrels and insults from scratch! Is it so important for us to know who is to blame? And the child, hearing in his address “You broke a glass, are you not able to follow anything at all?” Feels humiliated. We humiliate him even more if we put things in order instead of him, thereby as if denying his ability to correct himself.

Your goal: to teach the child to clean up on their own.

The first thing to do is fix the mess. By describing what we see, we help him focus on what needs to be done: “Jam is spilled here, rather, we need a sponge!” Such a description will push the child to action, let him feel his share of responsibility. Drawing his attention to the problem, to the task that needs to be done, we will gradually teach him to take the initiative.

New mindset: As often as possible, just describe what you see.

Drop casually: “The cat seems to be hungry” or “You can’t walk in this room without stepping on something,” or even “I see one boy here can’t sit down for a math assignment.”

Clue! A phrase like, “I see two guys are aiming for the same piece of cake” will help you avoid taking the side of one of the children.

SITUATION 7: Name his feelings.

Situation: the child comes in tears. “Anton called me a fool in front of everyone”, “I’m being squeezed by braces, I don’t want to wear them anymore” ...

The usual reaction: is he ill? We're bubbling up right away. We want to solve the problem ourselves, to settle scores with the offender instead of him. Or, taking this opportunity, we share worldly wisdom (“I found someone to listen to, how many idiots in the world”). Or we calm down (“You are exaggerating, it probably doesn’t hurt so much!”). Or we give sound advice (“You should do such-and-such”). Or we accuse (“And what did you do to him yourself?”). In response, the child closes in on himself, becomes aggressive ... It's amazing, the more diligently we console or try to solve the problem, the more acutely the child feels that he is being evaluated, not understood, rejected. Gradually, he begins to hide his feelings, stops sharing his difficulties.

Your goal is to teach your child how to deal with difficult situations.

Sometimes parental intervention is needed. But much less often than they think. Any of our participation, even the most benevolent and appropriate, is perceived by the child as a (o)judgment, as an underestimation of his ability to solve the problem on his own. In most cases, he needs one thing - empathy. It nourishes his confidence in himself and in us. Having found understanding, he feels strength and readiness to cope with the test.

New attitude: verbalize his feelings.

“If only, it’s very disappointing when you are ridiculed in front of your friends…”, “I know that braces tighten your teeth, and in general it’s not pleasant to wear this thing.”

Clue! Name what you see, but don't interpret!

SITUATION 8: Show that you are attentive.

Situation: the child comes very happy. “Dad, look what I drew!”, “Mom, did you see how fast I ran?”.

The usual reaction: most often we limit ourselves to the exclamation: “What a beauty!” or “Well done! Ran great!" As if he came for an assessment. However, even a high assessment remains an assessment, with all the ensuing consequences: the child's dependence on it, a sense of humiliation, and doubts. Often the child does not believe compliments: "You say that because you love me." Of course, it's always nice to be praised. Many children just need praise, again and again demanding confirmation: “Mom, how did I do, okay?”. But deep down, they continue to doubt: Am I really that good?

Your goal is to help your child gain self-confidence.

He must see for himself the merits of what he has done and make sure that your interest in his “creation” is genuine. By naming details, by "retelling" what you saw, you show him what you are really interested in. He hangs on your every word. For him, the value of his achievement is measured by the number of details noted by his parents, that is, the attention paid to him.

New attitude: Describe what you see, be precise in details. “So, you wanted to draw a dog. Here you have a clear line, and here it is thinner. “Of course, I saw: the legs flashed by! Throughout the distance you had a very focused look. And on the third lap you were already second!

Clue! The more attentive, the easier it is for you to be sincere. exclaiming "How beautiful!" at the sight of an unsuccessful drawing, you risk losing the trust of the child. Our kids are not stupid!

SITUATION 9: Don't answer questions.

Situation: the child pesters with questions: “Why should I go to school?”, “Why is it always you who decide?” ...

The usual reaction: our parents rarely answered our questions, but we consider it our duty to always answer our children. But does the question always require an answer? It often happens like this: you answered, and a couple of days later the child repeats his question. His feelings are hidden behind many questions. The answer "You have to go to school to learn" will not help if the child wanted to say: "I'm afraid to go there because a boy from the fifth grade is chasing me." By answering, we strengthen the child's confidence that he still needs us. In fact, he asks because it's easier than thinking for yourself.

Your goal: to teach the child to think, to help him become independent.

An important skill is to look for the answer. Self-found solution adds confidence. Yes, and information is better remembered when you doubt, search, analyze ...

For a teenager, the answer received from a stranger, and not from a family member, has much more weight. Encourage your child to ask questions of knowledgeable people. Whenever he gathers courage and turns to a person who may have the necessary information - in a store, in a pharmacy, in the yard - he will feel his importance: he was answered! And he will be proud of himself.

New attitude: refrain from answering when the child can find it on their own.

Bring back his question, help him think: “Interesting question! Where would you find out?”, “And what do you think?”, “Think about it, what if…”.

Clue! Are you used to answering your child's questions? By changing this habit, you are likely to irritate him by forcing him to answer his own question. Don't give in! At stake is his self-respect.

SITUATION 10: Enforce agreement.

Situation: the child plays on the computer, although you asked him to finish.

The usual reaction: the child continues to play, although the time is up, and besides, he did not listen to you ... The temptation to scream is great. The feeling of powerlessness often leads us to measure the punishment according to the degree of our irritation, and not to the severity of the offense. Such punishment removes responsibility from the child, freeing him from the awareness of his guilt. He lets his cries go past his ears, lectures don't work... But it's also impossible to remain silent!

Your goal: to teach the child to think about others.

The child must be able to evaluate the effect of their actions. If you do nothing (and cursing, yelling, scolding means doing nothing in the face of a problem), the child will think that nothing terrible has happened. Doesn't he turn off the computer on time? Deprive him of access to the computer ... until you have guarantees that he will improve.

New attitude: move from words to deeds, let him feel the consequences of his behavior. “You sat down to play again, although I asked you to turn off the computer. I'm taking your mouse."

The next day:

– May I take my mouse?

- Only when I'm sure that you won't sit at the computer longer than we agreed.

I'll turn it off when you say...

- No, that will not do. I want you to keep track of time yourself.

I can look at the clock on the computer or set an alarm.

- Suitable!

Clue! Avoid threats that you don't intend to carry out. And refuse punishments that are humiliating for the child. They are always disproportionate to the fault and therefore harmful.