Child psychology 10 years old girl ultrasound scanner. Bolshoy high school. Don't do what you don't like to earn the approval of others

At the age of 10 - 11 years, significant physiological and psychological changes begin in the child's body, which must be taken into account when communicating with the child and parents and teachers.
The vigorous work of the endocrine glands causes the processes of puberty, which affects the work of the whole organism.
The growth of bones and blood vessels does not always correspond to the growth of the heart muscles, therefore, at this age, doctors often record murmurs in the heart of a child. Hormonal restructuring of the body affects the decrease in memory, intellectual abilities of the child. The work of the endocrine glands increases the excitability of the nervous system: the processes of excitation prevail over the processes of inhibition. Adults record increased irritability, irascibility, excessive resentment, harshness in the manifestation of emotions in children of this age.
Negative emotional manifestations in the domestic behavior of children aged 10-12, especially 11 years old, are sharply increasing. The peak of emotional instability falls on the 11th year of life. The behavior seems to be falling apart. In relation to parents, especially to the mother, the child behaves rudely and defiantly. In the expression of emotions, eleven-year-olds go to extremes. The anxieties and fears of these seemingly impudent boys and girls are quite strong and can become a source of internal feelings of unhappiness.

Outside the family, especially in the families of their friends, these children may look very different - friendly, well-mannered and cheerful. At school, there is the greatest unevenness in diligence and success, the lowest level of attentiveness, extreme restlessness, distractibility, forgetfulness, explosiveness and withdrawal into fantasies, “waking dreams”. It is no coincidence that teachers working with this age group often feel like tamers or servants of the menagerie.

A child at this age experiences a carefully hidden from adults, but a very strong need for approval and support. At this age, psychologists note the lowest self-esteem of children, the frequent rejection of themselves, the low value of themselves for themselves.

If in elementary school the leading activity for the child was teaching, and everything related to school affairs was in the center of the child's interests, now the situation is gradually changing. Until this age, the child associated self-assessment with his studies. Studying well means being good. His classmates also judged him by his progress in learning.

Now everything will depend not on how he studies, but on how he will be able to establish himself among his peers. The child begins to fight for his personal status in the classroom, in the yard. Communication becomes the leading activity. Therefore, after school, he has some business with friends, in the evening he cannot be driven home. He calls someone, disappears somewhere and does not consider it necessary to inform his parents about his affairs. "How are you at school" - "Good", "Where are you going?" - "Mom, leave me alone, I'm with the guys."

The child begins to test the boundaries of what is permitted. And sometimes these boundaries are extended to the articles of the criminal code. Therefore, "leave me alone, mother" should be analyzed by parents. And do not be complacent that your son or daughter is friends with "good" guys who will not teach bad things.

The fact is that adults quickly stop paying attention to children who behave well and study diligently, having learned the science of conformity early. What is in his soul? What values ​​does he choose, what beliefs does he appropriate? Under the influence of what emotional experiences do cultural values ​​become facts of consciousness? All this is hidden from the view of adults. Therefore, they sincerely wonder how it was that well-to-do girls from good families brutally beat their classmate?

Those guys who are good at learning "nerds" no longer enjoy the respect of their peers. There is a redistribution of roles: "leader", "neither this nor that", "scapegoat". Everyone has to reinvent themselves.

The main psychological contradiction of this age is the simultaneous desire to be like everyone else, to have what others have, to wear what peers wear, and the need to stand out, be noticed, recognized. The opinion of other guys about him is a motive for working on himself. All this is accompanied by an unformed sense of taste and proportion. Boys assert themselves through friendship with older guys, jargon, smoking, defiant appearance, rudeness or clowning, foolishness, obliging the stronger.

Increased demands for normative behavior can lead to incidents. An adult is no longer an authority. The actions of an adult are analyzed from the point of view of the morality of the reference (significant) group for the child. Of all the values ​​previously imposed on the child by adults, he now begins to choose his own. And these, their own, albeit still vague values, the child begins to defend. He argues with adults, objects to parents, can start a senseless, from the point of view of an adult, argument. Children of this age are not particularly inclined to cooperate with adults.

The middle school meets the child with a variety of requirements, assessments, and labels. What one teacher praises may be criticized by another. And in general, the opinion of teachers and parents is gradually fading into the background. The child enters the "no man's land" (G. Zuckerman's term) in developmental psychology.

The period of self-affirmation is different for everyone. Stubbornness, insisting on one’s own, even if erroneous, opinion, committing actions that are directly opposite to the requirements of an adult - all this has one meaning: to feel one’s own existence, to experience one’s own independence, to know one’s capabilities, their strength and limits, to affirm one’s life authorship - subjectivity. From the variety of moral requirements and norms of society, a teenager chooses those that will later become the basis of his personality - a system of personal meanings.

Consideration should be given to the preparedness of the consciousness of modern children by watching television series and reading romance novels for the possibility of experiencing strong feelings in relation to the opposite sex. At the same time, the polar stratification of interests is observed in girls more strongly than in boys. Among children of this age, with the naked eye, you can see girls who still feel like children, and girls - girls whose interests have long been outside the scope of educational activities. The difference between physical and psychological age is huge. In grades 5-6, the gap in psychophysical age between girls with early sexual development and boys with late development often reaches 6 years. The image of peers as equals turns out to be untenable. Girls are looking for communication with older boys.

A person at this age is actively experimenting with himself. He tests his own abilities in various areas: in communication, in any activity. Tests his courage, attractiveness, willpower. This is a wild and very risky experiment. The child is preoccupied with constantly evaluating himself. For the first time, he begins to think about what qualities of his character help or hinder him in life, tries to correct himself, sometimes not having the necessary knowledge and skills for this.

He becomes interested in psychology. The personal structures of the child are crystallizing, and many social and personal characteristics give grounds for reliable forecasts for 4-6 years ahead.

The tasks of personality development during this period are successful socialization among peers, feeling like a full member of the reference group.
Successful upbringing can be considered that which will give the child the means of this socialization, will help to highlight the effective aspects of the growing personality for communication and will help to correct the shortcomings leading to interpersonal contradictions.

Otherwise, the child’s unsuccessful self-assertion will provoke the development of one of the following types of character:
cruel, strong, aggressive (asserted cruelty in response to cruelty: "all people are bastards!";
cruel, strong, cynical (asserted on the heartless use of human weaknesses: “people are garbage”, “fools carry water”);
weak, hypocritical, vile (asserted due to meanness, deceit, hypocrisy, intrigues: the line of behavior is built depending on the circumstances and the nature of the partner, inferior to the strong immediately, with the weak impudent and cruel);
weak, lost dignity ("six"). Forced to seek a patron and adapt to him. Capable of any crime, if only not to arouse the wrath of the "owner". Lost notions of moral and immoral.

At this age, the child's behavior is determined by two leading needs:
1. The need for communication, which manifests itself in non-business communication in the classroom, children do not disperse for a long time after school, write notes to each other, keep diaries of friends, fill out all kinds of questionnaires.
2. The need for self-affirmation, which manifests itself in the choice of clothes, jewelry, hairstyles, the presence of admirers among girls, video equipment, a computer, prestigious games among boys.

Therefore, it is very important for parents to be able at this age to rebuild their relationship from a relationship of authority - obedience, to a relationship of partnership with a child. Otherwise, the family is waiting for fights and an increase in hostility. Adults need sensitivity and caution in their actions.

Children of this age will feel most comfortable in those families where the child is spared from suffocating parental love, in relations between relatives there is warmth and understanding, combined with clear, jointly developed rules of conduct and fairly strict, but not dogmatic control over their implementation. Parents may reserve the right to control the choice of education and extracurricular activities of the child, but let peers determine the style of clothing and recreation, aesthetic preferences. Children whose parents are either overly authoritarian or overly indulgent show the greatest dependence on peer company.

ADVICE TO PARENTS:
If you want to remain friends with your children, not to lose their trust in this difficult period of their lives, follow the following commandments of family education:
1. Love is patient. How often do we say: "How long can I tolerate the bad temper of my child?" Answer: "Unlimited".
2. Come to the aid of children in difficult life situations for them. But when helping, do not scold the offenders, but help the child figure out why he was in this situation.
3. Do not envy those parents who, in your opinion, have better children than your child. Envy gives rise to aggression towards your child. God gave you such a child, accept this gift with gratitude.
4. Do not reproach the child with the fact that you do a lot for him. It's insulting. Often, when you remind them of their investment in a child, children will respond: “Who asked you to?”
5. Don't deprive your child of freedom of choice. Let him decide what to wear and with whom to be friends. Explain all the prohibitions, motivate the child to think not only about his desires, but also about yours.
6. Do not put yourself above your children. Avoid arrogance and swagger when communicating with your child!
7. The child has not only duties, but also rights. He has the right not to hear insults and humiliation from his parents, has the right to express his opinion and be heard.
8. Don't get irritated. Don't take your frustrations out on your child. When we lose our temper, we lose control of ourselves and lose everything. Irritability is the worst enemy of family education.
9. Know how to forgive and forget. Do not blame the child for the mistakes that he makes. Development is a drama, and our task is not to exacerbate this drama, but to help to survive with the least trauma to the psyche.

And remember the parable of unconditional love:
The mother rocks the baby in the cradle and sings: "I love you, my baby." A few years later, the child is naughty and naughty, and the mother repeats: "I love you, my baby." The son grew up, dyed his hair orange, started smoking, and his mother still tells him: “I love you, son.” And now an adult son at the bedside of a dying mother, shedding tears, whispers: “I love you mom. Only you knew how to love me in any way and always understood. How will I live without you, mother?

Many experts believe that today's children reach much earlier than past generations: not at 13-14, but from 11 to 13 years. What is "being a teenager" is clear to everyone, because any adult has gone through this period.

It is from 11 to 13 years old that parents can still influence the formation of the personality, character and habits of the child. About how to prepare for the “most difficult age”, says I am a Parent.

Child development at 11-13 years old

Physical development of the child

The child's body begins to change rapidly. For girls, this process is faster, for boys it is a little slower. A child can very sharply increase in height, body weight can either increase or decrease. Puberty begins. In some children, changes at the physiological level may begin earlier, in others later. Due to the fact that the body has changed dramatically, the child's coordination is disturbed. Teenagers can be a little awkward because they are just getting used to their new look.

intellectual development

A child at this age learns to argue, prove his point of view, he develops abstract thinking more actively. However, teenagers often live for today. They don't think about the consequences of their actions. For example, they may try to smoke, although they know how bad it affects health. But the child does not think that these consequences will affect him.

Psychological development

Most often, the child focuses on communication with their peers. Education fades into the background. In addition to communicating with friends, there may be a craving for the opposite sex. Friendship at this age is very expressive, any quarrel can destroy it. In general, the child may become more emotional. Or, on the contrary, "withdraw into yourself."

From 11 to 13 years old, a child undergoes many different changes. Of course, a growing person wants to be sure that everything is in order with him. Many things parents can tell themselves. Sometimes children ask questions on their own. But often moms and dads are afraid to go too far with unnecessary revelations. Therefore, the easiest way is to give a child, in which it will be written in simple language about the physiology of adolescents.

2. Watch your diet

At an early age, girls feel the need to be attractive to boys, and vice versa. But there are obstacles on the way to beauty - excess weight, acne. For a teenager, it is very important to choose the right nutrition. Make sure you have plenty of fruits and vegetables in your refrigerator. But baking, fried and spicy is better to exclude. In pursuit of ideal weight, a teenager may begin to starve - this is best avoided.

3. Monitor your mood

The emotional background, which is rapidly changing under the pressure of hormones, is an ideal environment for. Do not "shrug off" the child's problems, even if they seem trifling to you. At the same time, you should not bring a teenager to a heart-to-heart talk.

Give the child the initiative. In case of a protracted bad mood, pay more attention to it, spend a day off together. If a child walks gloomy for a long time - perhaps this is a reason to contact.

Children between the ages of 11 and 13 tend to exaggerate their own problems. Any trifle can be a tragedy. Let the child know that all his difficulties can be solved. Pick up some good books and movies about teens with a positive ending.

If the feelings are strong, you can write with your child about how a child-like hero finds a way out of a difficult situation.

What is the role of parents in the process of sexual self-identification and what films are worth watching for growing boys, will tell the site's expert, clinical psychologist Ekaterina Blukhterova.

5. Keep what you promise

Teenagers tend to doubt everything. He has a different understanding of the world around him. In order to keep the child's trust, adults need to keep their promises. Both punishments and rewards should be implemented within the time frame specified by the parents. This applies not only to the triangle "mom-dad-child", but also the parents themselves, relationships within the family.

6. Be interested in the child's life

Parents of a teenager should be interested not only in grades at school, but also in other matters that excite the child - relationships with friends, teachers, his first love. You should not impose a frank conversation on a child, and then, having learned something that does not characterize a teenager from the best side, scold him. Appreciate any confidential conversation with the child. If he talks about something, it really matters.

7. Let your child decide

The greatest talent of a parent is the ability to start letting go of your child in time. Of course, children from 11 to 13 still require guardianship and control. However, there are decisions that a teenager must make on their own. After all, it is at this age that the personality of the child is formed. Let the student choose his own clothes, decorate the interior of his room, listen to his opinion.

8. Keep track of sleep

Teenagers need eight to nine hours of sleep. Without observing the sleep schedule, it is impossible to study and perform physical activity in the amount that occurs at this age. The teenager himself may not understand this. In order not to go into conflict, it is worth designating within the family. One of them is the break time. It is important that parents also follow this rule. The words “we are adults, and you must obey” will only widen the gap between parents and child.

9. Prevent bad habits

Unfortunately, tobacco smoking, drug addiction and substance abuse in Russia are constantly “younger”. Children often try cigarettes or psychoactive substances for the first time at the age of 12-13.

Do not start to suspect the child from scratch. No need to swear and scare with terrible consequences. All conversations on “hot” topics should be balanced and take place at those moments when both parents and the child are calm and emotionally relaxed.

10. Keep Showing Your Love

Of course, a teenager should be aware that he is growing up, his responsibility is increasing. But this is not a reason for parents to distance themselves from the child. Parents can call the student affectionate words, as before, and unobtrusively show their concern. A teenager needs love no less than small children. Often it is this love that serves as a reliable rear, which allows the child to resist problems, temptations and grow into a self-confident adult.

Elena Kononova

If a 10-year-old boy grows up in a family, parents are extremely interested in the psychology of upbringing. After all, this age is not in vain considered between childhood and adulthood. The child's hormonal background changes dramatically, or the prerequisites for changes in the physiology and psychology of a teenager are only found. The task of parents is to help their son overcome this difficult time, emphasizing that changes are normal, and grow up.

Adolescence is one of the most important, influencing the further development of the personality, a critical period in a person's life. Physiological and psychological changes, conflicting tendencies cause sudden changes in mood, impulsiveness in the behavior of the child, and sometimes inadequacy, an unexpected change of interests.

Adolescence is called the time of the second birth of the individual. And birth is not without pain. Adolescents suffer from misunderstanding on the part of adults, from confusion of feelings, inconsistency of intentions, interests, aspirations. Adults are tormented: children have become rude, withdrawn, indiscreet. The world of a teenager is complex, contradictory, full of constant changes. But he is open to understanding. Being understood is the first thing teenagers want.

A teenager cannot cope with the consequences of changes occurring in the nervous system, and is looking for the cause in his environment - parents and friends. Parents annoy the child with their demands, requests; friends - incomprehensibility, inconsistency. The imbalance of the psyche leads to the fact that in relations with friends and adults there is no stability. Friendship with a "bad" company is not excluded. In this case, you should not criticize your son's friends or forbid communicating with them, because the child will do the opposite simply because the feeling of contradiction dominates. The task of parents is to tactfully and calmly explain to the child the merits or demerits of friends, and even their own, and bring him to certain conclusions. If a teenager independently formulates what a friend should be, it will be his own opinion.

From the age of 10 there is a transformation of the thinking process. Abstract concepts such as friendship, love, betrayal and others are filled with real content for the child. He begins to notice that people around him can say one thing and do something completely different. Understanding the contradictions of thoughts, words and deeds, a growing person begins to be more critical of the demands of adults, often entering into conflict relations with them. To a greater extent, this is typical for boys, who by their nature are more active and aggressive.

Personal and emotional development of boys

For this period, both positive (manifestation of independence, coverage of new areas of activity) and negative (and conflict, disharmony of character) moments are indicative.

Developmental tasks that arise before a child at the age of ten and continue until the end of adolescence:

• formation of gender identity;
• development of interpersonal communication skills, effective communication;
• changing relationships in the family on the basis of emotional independence while maintaining material and moral support;
• development of abstract thinking;
• the formation of adequate self-esteem and the development of self-awareness;
• the formation of value orientations and worldview.

The struggle to be like everyone else and at the same time stand out leads to emotional instability. The opinion of other children for the son becomes more important than the opinion of the parents. Boys assert themselves through friendship with older guys, slang, rudeness or clowning, strength or helpfulness to a stronger one. This period is different for everyone. From the variety of requirements and norms of society, patterns of behavior, a teenager chooses those that will later become the basis of his personality - a system of personal meanings.

Difficulties in raising a son

At this age, psychological monitoring reveals low self-esteem of children, rejection of themselves, their bodies and abilities, shyness, self-doubt. In relation to parents, the child can behave rudely and defiantly, so he tries to demonstrate his adulthood and express the accumulated feelings. He constantly tests his courage and willpower. Such changes in the personality of the son inevitably require restructuring - from the authority of obedience to equal partnership.

Parents have no choice but to come to terms with the fact that the child is growing up, moving away from the family. Control is necessary, but much more gentle and persistent. The son must understand that there are certain boundaries that cannot be exceeded in his actions. At the same time, he should have a certain freedom in choosing additional activities, friends, how to spend his leisure time, etc.

Communication with both parents is important. The mother will continue to give such necessary emotional warmth and care, and will develop courage and determination. At this age, the child seeks to contact any man who is nearby, by all means available to him. If there is no father or stepfather nearby, the mother needs to take care of the positive male influence on her son. It can be a grandfather, a caring neighbor, a coach in the sports section, etc. Otherwise, the boy has a high chance of growing soft and indecisive.

Psychologist's advice to parents of teenage sons:

• Do not abuse punishments and prohibitions, find the reason for such behavior, remember that your son needs an individual approach.
• Show interest in the child's hobbies, support him in any endeavors, try to be a friend to your son.
• In situations of conflict, do not start with criticism of the child, but try to understand the motive for his action and find a way out together.
• Determine the strengths, qualities of the child and develop them by giving feasible tasks. It is of great importance for a boy to experience happiness, the joy of success.
• Help your son to be good, smart, kind, brave. Notice his masculine actions and believe in him, a teenager needs to feel significant, special, needed. This will help build his self-esteem.
• Help a teenager in the formation of his life goals, teach him to defend his point of view with confidence in various situations.
• Treat your child the way you want him to treat you and others.

If parents respect the personality in their son, he will grow up as a harmoniously developed person with self-esteem, successful, courageous and decisive - which a real man should be.

Even the most obedient children can change their behavior drastically from time to time. Most often, such turning points occur during the psychophysiological restructuring of the body. One of the most difficult periods for parents is adolescence. And if earlier moms and dads with minimal nerves could calm the child, then few people know what to do if the child is nervous and naughty at 10 years old.

Psychological characteristics of children at 10 years old

This period is marked by the beginning of the manifestation of teenage maximalism, both in boys and girls. In children at this age, ideas about the world and themselves are collapsing and radically changing. At the same time, everything around them is presented as extremes: if someone is good, then he ascends to an idol, hostility or a bad attitude can meet with absolute aggression.

In addition, children at the age of 10 are in dire need of such social phenomena, at least at the family level:

• sincerity of relations;
• respect for their interests;
• a clear perception by relatives of the child as a person;
• sufficient level of attention and demonstration of true love of parents.

At this stage, both girls and show a lot of aggression. This is a kind of universal way to protect against psychological and physical violence, as well as a desperate attempt to attract attention. In addition, it is at this time that early puberty begins and the manifestation of some interest in the difference between the sexes. At the same time, curiosity is more of a general educational nature and practically excludes deep sexual overtones.

In view of the emergence of interest in the opposite sex, both in girls and in girls, defiant and aggressive behavior is a way to attract the necessary level of attention. Nervousness is especially often and uncontrollably manifested in the event of an acute lack of it, both at home and at school. To understand their importance, children need to feel love and care. But, at the same time, it is important for both boys and girls to assert their “I” and achieve the perception of themselves by adults as a person who has the right to voice and opinion.

The main reasons for disobedience at 10 years old

The main reasons for the emergence of bright outbreaks of aggression and the implementation of deliberate meanness is the feeling of being useless to parents and others. The child feels unloved, deeply lonely. Even with acute aggressive reactions, their main point is to attract attention and seek support and a share of understanding of deep problems.

Quite often, in children of this age, not only aggression is noted, but also frequent crying, turning into tantrums. The phenomenon occurs not only in girls, but also in boys. In this case, often the child himself is not able to explain the reasons for such behavior. All this is a consequence of hormonal changes in the body, together with the urgent need for self-realization.

Quite often, attacks of nervousness and crying occur when you want to show independence and try to eliminate a number of existing prohibitions or restrictions, as well as to reduce the area of ​​parental control. It is important for children to be able to make an independent choice in elementary things, to express their opinion and feel their significance and usefulness.

Methods for eliminating aggressive behavior in children 10 years old

In order to effectively work to eliminate nervousness and disobedience in boys and girls at the age of 10, it is important for parents to understand, first of all, that even the most reckless hooligans and hysterical kids are in dire need of love, understanding and support. The very principle of eliminating aggression is based precisely on these needs of children.

Initially, any baby needs help to throw out accumulated emotions. However, it is important to teach him to do this not on people and animate objects. Let the baby beat the pillow, talk about the problem. It is important not to show aggression at the moment and talk to the child in a normal voice.

In the event that tantrums and whims do not occur due to the child’s poor health, they must be ignored as much as possible. In no case should one indulge such whims or respond with aggression, as a result of the calmness of the parents, the baby will understand that such “concerts” do not make sense

It is worth noting that in the course of disputes, it is important for adults and the child to find a compromise, and not to crush the baby with their authority. Any conversation, especially educational, should be conducted on an equal footing. To do this, mom or dad needs to sit down so that the child is almost at the same height and does not feel infringed.

If a child misbehaves everywhere

Most often, attempts at self-assertion occur, or in the circle of the closest relatives. However, if the child is nervous and naughty, not only at home, but also, first of all, it is necessary to find out the true reason for such behavior. Perhaps she hides in the presence of any fears or unpleasant subjects who periodically offend.

What to do if a child is nervous and naughty at 10 years old everywhere? Manifestations of acute and uncontrolled aggression are everywhere, often of a deep nature and may be manifestations of hidden disturbances in the work of the central nervous system. Therefore, systematic nervous behavior often requires the help of a child psychologist. At the same time, often the main problem lies in intra-family relations and the principles of communication and mutual respect. Therefore, a family counselor may also be required to eliminate negative factors.