"Stirlitz" "Yesenin" is not a friend. Intertype relationships Stirlitz man and Yesenin woman

It is not difficult to understand the interest aroused among the readers by the article published in "Trud" "Don Quixote" met "Robespierre" about the possibilities of socionics. This science is new, very pragmatic and useful: those who know how to use its recommendations will be able to better adapt to service, has more chances to make a career, arrange a personal life, create a reliable family.Unable to answer every letter, the author of that article, socionic specialist Anatoly BODROV, agreed to give general recommendations that will help readers independently use the basics of socionics in relation to themselves.

First, how to determine the type of your personality. You can do it yourself with a digital test. Let me remind you that socionics divides people into 16 types, each of which is endowed with a conventional name and has its own four-digit number. I will name all sixteen in alphabetical order: Balzac (2367), Gabin (2357), Hamlet (1468), Huxley (2468), Bitter (1357), Hugo (1458), Jack London "(1368), "Don Quixote" (2368), "Dostoevsky" (1467), "Dreiser" (1457), "Duma" (2457), "Yesenin" (2467), "Zhukov" (2358), " Napoleon" (2458), "Robespierre" (1367), "Stirlitz" (1358). Each of these types has its own personality characteristics.
"Gabin". Credo: goodness rules the world.
People of this type are constantly looking for harmony, trying to provide others with convenience and comfort. In every business and in relationships with others, they try to benefit. They know how to get away from useless cases that do not bring concrete returns. An opinion about a person is formed by the results of his activity. They see well the alignment of forces around them and know how to use this knowledge for their own purposes. A common language with a person of this type can be found if you approach him from the standpoint of business perspectives.
"Hamlet". Credo: Fate rules the world.
Original. When interacting, he first evaluates the partner very carefully. Can play the role of an enterprising person, although in reality this is not characteristic of him. Very energetic personality. Strong tendency to be authoritarian. A good speaker, owns an audience. Intolerant of routine, monotonous activity. He does not like familiarity, when communicating with him, it is necessary to reduce the distance gradually.
"Huxley". Credo: Talent and ability rule the world.
He sees people "through and through", notices everything unusual. Influences those around you. Impractical, but appreciates practicality in others. Exceptionally subjective in assessing people and events. Generous, sometimes to the point of recklessness. Careless in relation to time, but likes to control others in this.
"Bitter". Credo: the world is ruled by law, order, discipline.
A person of this type is better than others able to build relationships with people, establish order. Inclined to act, "as is customary." We inspire other people's emotions, and more often negative ones. Positive emotions irritate him. He lives for today, foresees badly, does not accept forecasts. The most important thing for him is stability. Very honest. You can say about him: a man of duty.
"Jack London". Credo: wildlife rules the world.
By nature - a leader, very dynamic, mobile. Always on the lookout. He believes that there are no issues that cannot be resolved - there would be a desire. Often hurried and reckless in actions. Such a person can be controlled, even if he is the boss. He sees and knows how to appreciate the business qualities of others, above all for him - efficiency in work. In relationships with this type of personality, trust and honesty are needed.
"Dostoevsky". Credo: Kindness rules the world.
Altruism, empathy, mercy are inherent in these gentle and tolerant people. They are the same "vest" in which you can always cry. Sensitive and very vulnerable, do not like disputes and conflicts. They know how to plan work well, but they need an efficient business partner behind whom you can feel like behind a stone wall.
"Dreiser". Credo: the world is ruled by morality, ethics, moral duty.
A very strong-willed person, can crush others with his will. Vulnerable and touchy, while remembering insults for a long time. The source of stress for him is ignorance: he must know when exactly what he started will be completed, when this or that event will happen. He does not like to lead too much - he is more calm to carry out instructions. Extremely negative attitude to emotions shown "out of business". In his house - a zealous owner.
"Yesenin". Credo: the mood and the ability to convey it to others rule the world.
The most unpredictable type - his reactions can be completely inadequate. Not a leader or an organizer - he usually solves his problems behind someone's broad back. Very comfortable in communication, but easily led by others. Needs patronage. A romantic by nature, has a developed sense of dignity and honor. People of this type should not be left to their own devices - they need to be managed, they need to be controlled, sometimes even harshly.
"Zhukov". Credo: the world is ruled by force, power, authority.
The most penetrating of all types. It has powerful managerial and organizational qualities. Knows how to subdue people and manipulate them, is often rude and intolerant, can humiliate, offend, without wanting to. Willing to take more than give. A pragmatist "to the marrow of his bones", always takes into account his own benefit in relationships. New people are usually treated negatively. With a person of this type, it is better to act according to the principle: "good in response to evil" - this puzzles him and unsettles him.
"Robespierre". Credo: the mind rules the world, first of all - mine.
Outwardly coldish, sometimes even looks "frozen". In an emotional environment - a slave. Occasionally able to make a compliment, but only for intelligence and business qualities. He does not know how to achieve something in "instances" - this is his weak point, but he likes to subordinate others to himself, not allowing himself to be put under pressure. Feels good in an atmosphere of trust and positive emotions. "Robespierres" are the most pedantic and scrupulous people in relation to time - you can compare watches by them. They respond to self-care, but do not tolerate authoritarianism. Very self-confident.
"Stirlitz". Credo: work rules the world.
The biggest "workaholic". Very responsible, with a developed sense of duty. Reliable, tries not to let others down. He directly expresses his attitude to this or that person or event. Only one thing can unsettle him: unpredictability. As a specialist, he can best realize himself in a benevolent environment, otherwise he will prefer to leave. For him, justice is above all.
In order to save newspaper space, I remind you: you will find the characteristics for the other five types ("Balzac", "Hugo", "Don Quixote", "Dumas", "Napoleon") in the article "Don Quixote Met" Robespierre "-" Trud", August 3, 2000)
Now that you know what each of the sixteen personality types is, you can take the test. Below you are offered four pairs of so-called "descriptions": 1-2, 3-4, 5-6, 7-8. Honestly, without being cunning to yourself and not trying to embellish yourself, choose from each pair the one that reflects your personal qualities.
1. Your performance is usually always the same and only changes for certain reasons. You are consistent in your work, you bring everything to the end. You make decisions carefully and do not like to change them. It is easy for you to adhere to established rules, strict discipline, you like order.
2. Your performance depends on your mood, which can change for no apparent reason. Ups and downs are followed by downswings. You often act without preparation, relying on luck. You find it difficult to obey strict schedules and instructions.
3. You do not like to find out the reasons for quarrels and misunderstandings. Put reason above feelings, judge people objectively, regardless of sympathy. Prefer not to discuss topics of personal life, both your own and others.
4. You tend to compromise in business for the sake of a good relationship. You are interested in feelings and relationships between people. Try to please others.
5. You are a realist who does not like empty fantasies, practical and active, self-confident. You prefer not to be sprayed on several things at once: carefully do one thing. You like to do many things with your own hands, you check the results of what you and others have done.
6. You foresee the future well, often remember the past, strive for novelty and change. Prone to doubt, not always self-confident, distracted. You gravitate towards theory more than practice.
7. You are prudent, restrained, lack initiative in communication, distrustful of new people. You control yourself, do not like to flaunt your merits. Try to restrain yourself in a dispute, so as not to say too much.
8. You easily meet new people, strive to expand your circle of acquaintances. It is easier for you to understand others than yourself. You are laid-back, impulsive and outspoken. Often prone to risk and reckless actions.
Suppose that you took the number 2 from the first pair, 4 from the second, 5 from the third, and 8 from the fourth. Put these numbers in one row - you will get a four-digit number: 2458. Now look which of the sixteen socionic types is endowed with this number. Yep, it's Napoleon. It remains to look into the "hint" and read what socionics says about "Napoleon", because this is your type.
Now about how to find your "dual" - that is, how to catch the "bird of happiness". I would not want to upset Olga, however, most likely, she met not a "dual", but the so-called "conflicter" - one of those who attract attention with their dissimilarity to others and this intrigues a partner. Marriage headlong, according to "love at first sight" leaves, as a rule, few chances for a "happy ending". A hasty marriage hardly has any reason to hope for a golden wedding. As a rule, it is based on curiosity ("a rare specimen - I have not met such") and sexual desire. Most often, you then have to pay for the mistake with broken destinies.
So my advice to you, Olga, do not rush to seal your union by marriage - take a closer look at each other, get to know each other better. Socionics can help you, although, of course, a simple digital test, as in the first case, is not enough here. After all, it is one thing to determine your own personality type, knowing yourself perfectly, your character, your strengths and weaknesses, and quite another to obtain reliable data about the personal qualities of your partner. To do this, you need to fully know him - only then you can determine what type of personality your chosen one (chosen one) belongs to and whether he (she) is your "dual".
But even if you find your "dual", happiness will not fall into your hands on its own - it will take time to "get used" to each other, learn to recognize "signals", relieve, when necessary, the tension of your " half."
"Semi-dual" unions can also get along with each other (our "star couple" - Alla Pugacheva and Philip Kirkorov can be cited as an example), but those who have met their full "dual" are especially lucky in life. Ideal in this sense is the combination of "Dumas" - "Don Quixote", "Robespierre" - "Hugo", "Jack London" - "Dreiser". A striking example of such ideal unions is the Yeltsin couple ("Jack London" - "Dreiser") and the Gorbachev couple ("Napoleon" - "Balzac").
I will not give examples of "non-dual" couples for ethical reasons, I will only say that it is very difficult to choose the perfect couple, for example, for "Hamlet" - read his description and understand why. By the way, one of the brightest representatives of "Hamlets" is Vladimir Volfovich Zhirinovsky.
Obviously conflicting are the counter-pairs "Dreiser" - "Don Quixote", "Dostoevsky" - "Bitter", "Stirlitz" - "Yesenin". Such partners in marriage often begin to "educate" each other "for themselves", trying to suppress the will of the partner and show him "the only true path." Of course, you can get used to this union and continue to live together, but such a marriage is doomed in advance to spiritual discomfort. Such relationships are also dangerous because, as a rule, they are very difficult to break, although living together is sometimes simply unbearable.

Stirlitz - Yesenin (Stratievskaya)

Part 1

1. Yesenin - Stirlitz. General conflict

The first thing that comes to mind when it comes to the conflict of this dyad is the stereotype of the cruel “man - machine” - Stirlitz, who treats the fragile and spiritual Yesenin. A sort of soulless “owner” Soames Forsyth immediately appears before your eyes, strangling the tender and romantic Irene with his iron house-builder (about whom the reader probably knows that she married for convenience, denied her husband physical intimacy and had a lover on the side.)

But let's digress for a moment from literary characters and from how this conflict flows in the homes of English ladies and gentlemen. Let's see what happens on our Russian soil.

Here, just like in any other conflict dyad, at first everything happens nicely and charmingly. The fragile and gentle Yesenin (with meekness and pliability vaguely reminiscent of Dostoevsky) makes the most favorable impression on Stirlitz: “If you saw the face of this man, this is the face of an angel!”

For his part, Stirlitz seems to Yesenin to be an ideal partner - strong, courageous, hardworking, willingly offering his help and support. And who, if not Yesenin, should seek this help? After all, he, like no one else, needs protection and spends his whole life in search of a reliable and caring patron. (Sometimes he even directly asks for a ward: “Yes, ah, some are fine, they are being taken care of ... But at least someone would take care of me! ..”)

Building his relationship, Yesenin tries to take into account and take advantage of the personal advantages and social advantages of his partner. Much depends on Yesenin's self-esteem, and on the awareness of the benefits and advantages of his own position in the system. An ambitious IEI, like any aristocrat, will work "for promotion" and look for partners who can bring a lot to their joint relationship, bestow a lot, do good, which Yesenin accepts with special gratitude (at first) and encourages him in every possible way. Yesenin, with low self-esteem, is content with the patronage of people with modest abilities and modest incomes: he encourages their willingness to share the latter, cultivates their tendency to self-sacrifice, makes them "work for best" without rest and time.

The charm of the early stage of the relationship is reinforced primarily by Yesenin's ability to beautifully and romantically care for the woman he likes, the ability to create an atmosphere of relaxed and carefree fun. Yesenin, like no one else, is able to relax a person - even a conflictor - and especially at an early stage of a relationship, when they are still light and laid-back.

But Stirlitz just belongs to the type of people who very rarely and especially hard to relax. Therefore, all this romantic extravaganza, all these sweetest "nightingale trills" begin to frighten and alarm Stirlitz, as they devour his time. (And time is the most expensive and most scarce resource of all that he has available.) Feeling that Yesenin is simply stealing time from him, Stirlitz begins to rudely interrupt Yesenin, destroying his castles in the air and mirages, which causes a violent protest and the dissatisfaction of his conflictor, provoking his reproaches, turning into scandals and tantrums: “What a rude you are! How cruel you are! That's why no one loves you!" It is clear that this information does not shed balm for Stirlitz's soul. Stirlitz perceives a negative attitude towards himself, as well as negative reviews, very painfully: the aspect of the ethics of relations is his suggestive function!

Yesenin very quickly notices these and other vulnerable points of Stirlitz and, with his inherent (involutor) subconscious tendency to destroy everything unreliable and fragile, begins to purposefully and destructively influence these points.

(In Beta Quadra, it is enough to “be different from everyone else” - enter the house from the “wrong” yard, buy food and clothes from the “wrong” store, in order to immediately be subjected to the most cruel criticism, the most rude , cynical slander and slander on the part of the beta - involutors - Yesenin and Zhukov. Yesenin will be the "first leader" here. In the quadras of aristocrats (and especially in the beta quadra) it is dangerous to fall into an "embarrassing position", because it will always make a person an object information wars. And if, moreover, it really begins to "lag behind" or "go astray" - this is already sufficient reason to push it back, trample it, considering it as an annoying hindrance in the path of society, which must certainly be eliminated.)

Trying to compare successes and achievements with Stirlitz, Yesenin in every possible way weakens and stung Stirlitz in personal opinion and in the opinion of society (belittles according to the logic of ratios), underestimates his merits and his self-esteem, slanders about his every failure (more often fictional than real), which then he allows him to logically turn the situation around exactly the opposite, to become more active by this logical "shifter", to believe in him and, on this basis, severely criticize Stirlitz (for any fictional reason), push him "to the sidelines" (as "superfluous" and "weak link" in the system), to displace from general plans and prospects ("as unnecessary"), referring to it as unsuccessful;; ika, who "disappears anyway", because he is already "already everywhere" and " missed everything." (And what he did not have time to miss, they will tear him out of his hands, beg or demand - there would only be a desire to further humiliate him and force him to work for bestowal).

First of all, of course, this refers to the problematic aspect of Stirlitz - the mobilization “intuition of time” (-b.i.4). Yesenin will force Stirlitz to lag behind in all respects, to miss everything and everywhere, even if he tries to prevent this with all his might.

Yesenin knows how to absorb both his own and other people's time, delaying it for his own goals and pleasures. Yesenin always has as much time as he needs (and in the opinion of an outsider - even more than enough) and his main problem is how to take this time with benefit and benefit for himself. Stirlitz does not have extra time, he never has enough even for the most necessary things (which is the reason for Yesenin’s especially caustic criticism and ridicule, who often says to the conflictor: “How I hate this fuss in you! Even your hands are shaking, when you're in a hurry! It's disgusting to look at... You don't finish your work on time...").

And by the way, about business: while the partners interact at a long distance and each of them goes about his own business, the conflict between them does not take on particularly aggravated forms, although the tension is already growing: Yesenin already wants to control Stirlitz, enter into his “soul”, into trust, to make him remember more often and think about himself more often, I want to know what his successes are, what and how he does, I want to entrust him with some of my affairs and concerns.

But the main problems and disappointments arise when the conflictors begin to live together, when the first distribution of their rights and duties takes place. (When Yesenin for the first time arises and shows unwillingness to take on any responsibility and obligations. At the same time, Yesenin’s “six complex” is “turned on”, and he begins to wage a stubborn and exhausting struggle for a dominant place in the system, for concessions , compromises and privileges. As a result of which it happens that all rights remain with Yesenin, and all duties are transferred to Stirlitz. Yesenin, as a dodgy and manipulative "ethicist", brings a cunning ethical background under his legal privileges and himself begins to point Stirlitz to what he has the right, and what - no. And the ethics of relations as a suggestive aspect of Stirlitz is inspired, (although he understands that his partner is fooling him).

Having negotiated exclusive rights for himself, Yesenin nevertheless agrees to take on some responsibilities (knowing full well that after some time Stirlitz himself will take them away from him.)

Why? But because everything, exclusively everything that is entrusted to Yesenin, is carried out by him very badly, at the very last moment and with the greatest losses and losses. And Stirlitz, as a person who is used to cherishing the quality of the work performed, cannot put up with such a state of affairs. Yesenin's negligence and sloppiness have a depressing effect on him, they are perceived as meanness, betrayal, as outright sabotage, as the gravest crime that must be stopped and for which it is necessary to punish. There is nothing worse when a person takes up a task only to spoil it. And only to ensure that he was never entrusted with this case again.

Although, of course, Stirlitz does not come to this conclusion immediately. This is still preceded by long persuasions addressed to the partner with a request to fulfill this or that order. To which Yesenin usually replies that he has not yet “matured” before this assignment, making it clear that he will never ripen before this matter - there is nothing to even try to entrust this matter to him. If the partner still insists, he will do this work very badly - so that the partner will regret it a million times. Moreover, he will put the partner in trouble in the end (in the order of revenge and punishment), so that from now on he will listen in a timely manner to Yesenin’s delicate hints, respect his personal opinion and personal right to refuse any kind of work (Yesenin does not come into partnerships for in order to plow on a partner, which is what Stirlitz (as well as any other partner) is trying to convince with all possible and accessible methods.)

In addition to intentional actions "out of tune," in addition to pre-planned and planned malicious intent, there are also many other unfortunate accidents, according to which everything Yesenin does turns out to be hopelessly ruined and spoiled. Everything that his hands touch, instantly turns into trash and scrap. (As one dearest lady recalls: “We had just moved into a new apartment, when he hung some crappy Velcro hooks on the same freshly painted door - he didn’t ask me! But he hung heavy shopping bags with food on the hooks. The hooks immediately fell off. Now the whole door is peeled off and has no appearance! It is necessary to re-select the paint and repaint the doors to match the color of the walls. And this one - what an expense and what a hassle! Well, what do you think, does a person have an idea, or not?!")

All these acts of the conflict cause Stirlitz incredible suffering and endless trouble. Stirlitz gets tired of redoing the cases entrusted to Yesenin, gets tired of repairing (or updating) things that he hopelessly damaged. Stirlitz has no time for this and no longer has the strength left. But this is not all his troubles. Every second, every minute, every day, Yesenin's partner presents him with more and more surprises: either he was sent to pay bills and he spent (or lost) all the money on the way, then he was sent shopping, but again he returned with the wrong . (“We were preparing to move to the country. I sent him to the nearest department store to buy new mattresses and pillows. He spent all the money on two chic bathrobes for himself ... He explained this by the fact that he could not decide which color would suit him best And I decided to buy bathrobes in both colors (there were no others), so that later I would not regret my choice.")

Of course, one might get the impression that Yesenin misunderstands something in the task assigned to him. But it’s impossible, you see, when sending a person to a store, clearly describe to him not only what he needs to buy, but also everything that he can’t buy in any case - that’s not enough imagination! Go and know what he wants to spend money on. And then, after all, how unpleasant it is to constantly remind an adult that the change left from purchases must be brought home, and not hidden in one’s pockets and not spent on one’s whims (The program aspect of the involutionary intuition of time (-b.i.1) encourages Yesenin to conduct bold experiments with chances and possibilities, allows him to succumb, "make concessions" to his temptation, allows him to forget about responsibility to his partner, convincing himself: "This time I will do as I want and look at the result, and then I will decide how I should act: as instructed, or as it is profitable and convenient for me.). Therefore, of course, the point here is not so much in Yesenin's impracticality, but in his foresight as a "thrifty store" - in his completely conscious desire to grab for himself as many material values as possible, to pull valuable, important and necessary things to his side as much as possible. - that is, here again the same “six complex” operates - the desire to “use” others so that others do not “use” you.

But the "stash", of course, is always there. And this is why they appear: the prudent Yesenin prepares them “for a rainy day”, “in reserve”, in case of a long lack of money or unemployment (which, despite his seeming carelessness and impracticality, is a serious problem for him). And he, of course, foresees and waits for these problems and changes for the worse. The program function of the prudent Yesenin - the involutionary intuition of time (-b.i.1) includes a premonition of global systemic changes and associated (again, systemic) destruction, and global rearrangements, restructurings (and the troubles associated with all this), this also includes suspiciousness, and suspicion, and a tendency to intrigue as the ability to effectively correct one's own and worsen other people's affairs in the most effective and most inconspicuous way for oneself. Therefore, the mask of a careless simpleton is for Yesenin also a reliable cover for his true intentions and goals: he can always say that he has lost the money allocated to him or some other valuable and necessary thing - even if it is later found in the most inappropriate place for her. Distraction - what are you going to do about it? Such a man he is!

This camouflage carelessness just allows Yesenin to pump valuables into his pocket with the most innocent look. And Stirlitz notices all this. He understands that he is simply being robbed and robbed, but he can’t do anything about it, because Yesenin under his actions sums up the ethical background that stuns Stirlitz, he has an answer ready for everything: “Yes, I don’t bring a salary! So what? Should I take care of myself when you kick me out?! I still have to buy an apartment and furniture for myself ... ”- that is, he openly admits to a systematic outflow of material resources, carried out by him with far-reaching goals and well-defined intentions.

Attempts (prudent) Stirlitz to break off these dangerous and inconvenient for him relationship - also not always successful. And the point here is not only that Stirlitz, as an emotivist - an objectivist, and as a person of the fourth quadra (where the aspect of corporate ethics dominates) values the established partnerships very much - even if they are painful for him. And the problem is not only that two emotivists interact here, manipulating ethics and not wanting to break ethical ties that have not yet become obsolete - this is not the point.

Even if Stirlitz “ripens” to throw his “tormentor” out the door as a partner who did not justify his hopes, his prudent conflictor Yesenin does not allow him to do this until a certain (by himself appointed) period, since he pursues very specific goals and builds certain plans that Stirlitz does not allow to destroy. And therefore, he takes a number of preventive measures in advance, which include blackmail, threats, intimidation, and debilitating psychological terror, with which he keeps Stirlitz in a certain moral dependence, fetters his business initiative, does not allow active and decisive actions.

In most cases, these measures are ethical and intuitive.

With ethical measures and creatively combined methods of emotional pressure, Yesenin forces Stirlitz to change his decision, if it is already overdue. Everything comes into play here: exhausting many hours of scandals, which are then replaced by meekness, tenderness and affection, and stormy, frantic tantrums, replaced by a love idyll. And when it is already coming, this very “idyll”, Yesenin tries to behave in such a way that Stirlitz himself does not wish this separation.

As for intuitive measures, here Yesenin is already actively suppressing Stirlitz, systematically and purposefully lowering his self-esteem. With sophisticated cynicism, he expresses to Stirlitz the most negative opinions about himself (about Stirlitz), including in them everything that can only be discussed. He constantly tells Stirlitz about how everyone speaks badly about his (Stirlitz (!) Work and management methods, about what a low opinion everyone has about his professional and intellectual level (there is nothing to say about the ethical level!), about how everyone is offended and angry at him, about how many enemies he (Stirlitz) has and how all these enemies will attack him as soon as he (Yesenin), his devoted friend and protector, leaves Stirlitz.

In Yesenin's speeches (or rather, in their psychological treatment - you can't call it otherwise) Stirlitz sees everything that happens to him in some wild and distorted perspective, as in a crooked mirror.

Example:
A woman - Stirlitz, as a result of a fourteen-year marriage with a conflictor, fell into a severe depression and turned to a psychologist with a request to explain to her whether she really is such a bad, mediocre, hopelessly stupid and worthless person, as her husband tells her about it every day, or here they have place some other reasons? She talked about her huge and productive work in various scientific fields, talked about the rave reviews that her work caused from domestic and foreign experts. She told how, at the instigation of her husband, she often changed her specialty, because, contrary to all the reviews, he constantly inspired her that she was a layman and worthless loser. She told how she constantly improved her skills in order to convince her husband of the opposite and to arouse at least some of his respect. She told how she fainted from fatigue and nervous exhaustion, because during the day she worked out a full shift of home and work loads, and at night she was engaged in self-education.

And when the psychologist, after listening to this sad confession, suggested that, apparently, her husband simply mocks her and, most likely, does it out of envy and some kind of inferiority complex (in fact, it is so! ) - the woman didn’t seem to hear this remark, let it go past her ears, thought about something of her own, and then asked: “You know ... he advises me to try myself in literature. Do you think I can do it?”

Stirlitz's problem is also that he, being oriented towards the merciful and compassionate (program ethics) Dostoevsky, does not understand the cruel sarcasm through which Yesenin manipulates him, does not understand that he is mocking him. And this circumstance especially amuses his conflictor. That's really how stupid you have to be not to understand that you are being bullied! This alone makes him laugh and convinces him of the intellectual limitations of his partner. However, the fact that the essence of this mockery is not captured by Stirlitz is also quite natural: since in this case a too subtle and sniper-like psychological game was played. In this case, Yesenin “played a joke” on exactly what is one of the leading values of the fourth quadra, on what is sacred and unshakable for Stirlitz, on what stimulates and activates his professional and creative activity, filling his life and existence with meaning - over the creative self-realization of his personality, over the development of his potentialities. (For Stirlitz, the aspect of intuition of possibilities is in the positions of the activation function (+p.i.6) and is the priority value of the dyad and quadra, in Yesenin it is in the position of observational (+p.i.7) and is a repressed and despised value in the dyad and quadra (In beta quadra, where mediocrity flourishes under certain conditions, it is customary to make fun of too smart nerds, who, with their successes, cause a feeling of inferiority in the overwhelming majority (“like everyone else”) of ordinary and ordinary people.

This also explains why Stirlitz could not even imagine any trick in the actions of his partner! Yes, if it were a person of at least some intellectual qualities, even Leonardo da Vinci himself (also, by the way, Stirlitz), even he, after a short contact with the conflictor, would doubt his own mental abilities: is it possible to make fun of what is the greatest asset of man - over the intellectual development of his personality!

One should not think that Yesenin allows himself these dangerous games with impunity out of love for risk alone or out of hatred for the conflictor. Yesenin is confident enough in his positions. No one will throw him out of the house until he himself is ready to leave it. (The same applies to material relations: let's not forget that the accumulation of material values and the strengthening of the financial situation are Yesenin's suggestions and the program setting of his dual dyad. So, he takes this issue very seriously.

Even leaving the house of the conflicter, Yesenin does not forget about the hiding places and “stash” left by him.

Lida. 37 years old, Stirlitz:

“When we were leaving with him, we had an agreement that he would sometimes come for his things - letters or books. When he left, he could not immediately take everything or did not have time to take it with him. This arrangement was a concession on my part, but I also could not wait too long for him to collect his things and free my apartment from them. It's not convenient for me, I have my own plans. When I told him that I was going to change the locks, he gave me a real scandal. He threatened that if I did this, he would break them, fill them with glue from the outside, and I would not be able to insert the key there. I really don't like it when my things are spoiled, and everything could be expected from him, so I decided that this would be my last concession. We agreed that first he would take all his property, and then I would change the lock. And so, for several years, he periodically showed up at my house and took something away. He grabbed both his own and someone else's, and then disappeared for a while. The keys remained with him for a long time, and because of this, I did not feel protected in my house. I remember once I came home with my new friend. In the apartment, the lights are on in all rooms, the music is blaring, the refrigerator is open in the kitchen, and my “former” is lying in bed, smoking and watching videos. It turns out that he wanted to make me a pleasant surprise and was very surprised that I was not happy with his arrival. My new friend was offended and immediately left, and I dealt with this for a long time ... Then there was another “surprise”, this time the last one. It turned out like this: he persuaded me for a long time to exchange coffee tables with him. At first I did not agree, but he got me so much that I still gave in. “Exchange” he also made in my absence. When I came home from work, there was neither a coffee table nor a large dining table in the room. The furniture was moved and placed in the room more spacious. I immediately called him back and demanded an explanation. He didn’t explain anything to me, but pretended to be offended and said something like this: “Fu, how rude you are! What are you rubbish! You never appreciate what they do for you! Your room was already cramped! And now you are well: spacious and comfortable! I arranged everything beautifully for you even without a table! But you never appreciated anything! You are rubbish and I don't want to talk to you!” And hung up. At that moment I was ready to kill him - he came to my house, took my things! ..”

- And what will Yesenin say to this?

Approximately the following:
“Oh, this “owner” - Stirlitz! - “My house, my things! ..” - But is he not interested in the human soul? Does he, Stirlitz, ever want to look into someone else's soul, or is he only interested in counting his silver spoons so that they won't be stolen from him? He didn’t even have time to listen to them! He didn’t even know how unhappy the person close to him was, how lonely he was! (Here Yesenin can let a tear in his voice.) property! His house, his walls, his property! Let this property go to waste! Whether it’s Yesenin’s business: he can take off his last shirt - “he doesn’t feel sorry for anything for a good person”! (So, at least, Yesenin about he says to himself.) And these eternal reproaches of unprofessionalism and incompetence! You might think that Stirlitz's erudition is limitless! And this is constant professional development, this eternal work of Stirlitz on himself! He does this on purpose, in spite of others, in order to seem even smarter and more qualified! Okay, keep trying! Do you want to be smarter than everyone? It won’t work out - there is someone who is smarter than you! .. "

Yesenin's first trick - the first way to "taming" Stirlitz - is the demand for indulgence and concessions (a method also used by Dostoevsky in the ITO of dualization). Yesenin, on the other hand, interprets it differently: he takes on the role of a “family darling”, a common favorite who cannot be offended. For the ethics of Zhukov's relations, this would be clear and simple. For Zhukov, the form of ethical “taboos” is convenient - the small and weak cannot be offended, the strong and healthy (and most importantly, unfriendly and dangerous) - you can and should! In Stirlitz, the ethics of relations is designed for other commandments, and the first of them is: no one has the right to speculate on his weakness and play on someone else's generosity. There should not be privileged “minions” in the family (and in the team): everyone is rewarded according to his deeds, and not according to his claims. But Yesenin (as an authoritarian aristocrat) does not agree with this.

(Tamara, 36 years old, Stirlitz)

“It so happened that the husband was the darling in our family. He himself comes from a poor, unsecured family. And I thought that I could give him what he did not receive in childhood. In his family, he was accustomed to work. And at first he seemed to me a very businesslike person. At least he tried to appear so to me. But when we got married, I was terribly disappointed. It is simply unthinkable to what extent a man does not lay his hands on anything! Everything falls out of hand, whatever it takes, everything breaks. He did not stay at any job ... We decided to start a common business with him, we began to do business. And I was again in shock - how did he manage to confuse everything! And then he was so afraid to take responsibility. Once I instructed him to resolve the misunderstanding he himself created with the contractors, but he turned out to be incapable of doing this either - he put me forward, hid behind my back and said: “Well, you figure it out for now, but I’ll go ...” he could not be relied upon for anything! And how I nursed him, how I took care of him! .. And it was pleasant for him to realize that they were coddling with him. He used to come up to me like that and ask: “Is Vovochka a favorite?” and he answers himself: “Beloved!”. We never had children, he seemed to be afraid that most of the love would go to the children ...

Now I understand that I created this monster for myself. After all, it was worth at least something to go against his will, as he immediately threw a tantrum to the point that he lay down on the floor and kicked. How he tormented me with this! .. I can’t forgive myself that I created this problem for myself! .. ”

Yesenin knows how to “beat” Stirlitz on the ethics of emotions - you can’t take that away from him. And if he sees that some kind of technique allows him to “hit the target” without a miss, he will use it repeatedly. Stirlitz, this technique is amazing because Dostoevsky uses it extremely rarely - he rarely throws tantrums, but once he finds a pain point, he will practice this method to achieve what he wants. (Painful techniques are used both in duality relationships and in conflict relationships).

But Yesenin's main weapon (and his main "crime" in the eyes of Stirlitz) is that he takes too much time for himself. The one, for example, that he asks and asks a million times before doing something (or instead of doing it), which is even worse for Stirlitz: he asked reassuringly, pulled out time, they relied on him, but he did not.

However, Stirlitz does not know that Yesenin, who asks a hundred times, is still the ideal Yesenin (in the dual dyad, he is supposed to ask many times - and Zhukov is pleased: the partner is under supervision, and Yesenin is calm: there is less responsibility). It’s worse when Yesenin does something without asking, and then you can’t fix what he did. This also happens. And Stirlitz has to disentangle. (Like Zhukov in dual AIDs. But Zhukov blames himself at the same time - he is to blame: he didn’t explain! And Stirlitz blames Yesenin: how dare he not ask!) Yesenin blames Stirlitz: if you give an order, have patience to explain everything.

But Stirlitz does not have enough patience for Yesenin. And he blames Yesenin for this again - for too long, chaotically and confusedly, he approaches work before starting it or delving into the essence of the matter: he poses the question “wrongly” and not to the point, he takes the matter from the wrong end . Stirlitz, accordingly, also has to explain to him the task of topsy-turvy - inside out - from the wrong end and not to the point (as is usually the case with conflictors). But then both reap the results of their cooperation - both friends blame and both suffer.

Well, then, as usual, the conflictor - the logician imposes a complex of guilt on the conflictor - ethics, presenting him as a kind of "stupid - fool - loser" (as we can clearly see from the previous monologue). The conflictor - the ethicist also does not remain in debt and imposes a feeling of guilt on the partner - logic, presenting him as a cruel-hearted tyrant and despot, with whom no one will surely be able to get along, who is not able to love and therefore, of course, is not worthy of love.

Yesenin reproaches Stirlitz for not having enough time to understand him, to sympathize, to figure it out: “Here you are always like this: you won’t figure it out, you’ll scream, then you’ll regret it yourself!”

And Stirlitz, tormented by remorse, listens to him and suffers: - he knows this trait very well: to shout in a temper, and then worry that he has done “something wrong” again.

But all these problems are trifles compared to the process of coordinating joint efforts and goals in this dyad, and in conflict relations it is the most painful.

We have already said that Yesenin does not hesitate to use Stirlitz for his own pragmatic purposes, especially if it suits his (Yesenin's) lifestyle, needs, way of existence and way of solving pressing problems. And Yesenin does not see anything humiliating for himself in this. Much depends on personal opinion and attitude to this issue. Proceeding from the same beta-quadra complex of the "six", it is better to subjugate oneself than to obey others. Yesenin will be offended (and quite rightly!), if you tell him that he is selling his feelings and his soul. It is not true!

Yesenin does not exchange his soul for trifles and considers this the greatest merit to himself and mankind, and to the “thirsty” and “suffering” he dumps only “pale percentages”, those spiritual treasures that invariably (and quite deservedly) constitute the main subject of his pride (and high self-esteem). Yesenin loves and knows how to arrange a holiday for people (he himself is pleased), carries out a huge and energy-consuming creative work, and quite naturally, he is waiting for a reciprocal, well-deserved reward, which he does not consider it a sin to remind (if people's memory is short).

A pragmatic Yesenin can be both frankly prudent and mercantile: maybe like a “beach playboy” or a “hotel gigolo”. It can court a lonely, wealthy lady, counting on material rewards or on any long-term “patronage”.

Perhaps this is a humiliating way, but not for Yesenin. In his soul and thoughts, he is above this, and he can profitably put into circulation the “percentage” from the mood that changes “by order” by him. (In biology, this property is called the “instinctive program of reward mating.” It is embedded in the natural, instinctive basis of the aspect of business logic (the logic of actions) and determines the motives for many actions and actions that allow you to survive and successfully compete, fighting for existence in difficult conditions.

Accordingly, both “inert pragmatists” - Yesenin and Stirlitz (and for both the aspect of business logic is in the inert block) attach great importance to this aspect and cannot give up the habit of considering certain decisions, actions and actions expedient. And as a result, each of them gets the impression that the partner exploits him and uses him, profits at his expense.

For Yesenin, the most important thing is not to realize yourself as a slave, then you will not be the one on whom they carry water. (That is why he claims to be a pet in the family: everyone loves a pet, forgives him everything, does not demand anything from him and does not ask - like from a child - what you will take from him! Therefore, Yesenin retains for himself the role of “infant” in the social hierarchy that this is a traditionally convenient way for him to survive and fight for his existence - how can you blame him for this ?!)

Historically, evolutionarily, Yesenin knows how to be the master of his master. He, no worse than Maxim, can tame the most obstinate and "go around" the most frantic, acting (in most cases) patiently, unobtrusively and peacefully, by the method of requests and exhortations. (And this is his colossal achievement in the art of “managing” Zhukov - as well as in the art of “softening” other “hierarchs” of the second quadra - and we all still need to learn from him!) His mutually beneficial alliance with Zhukov (who breaks up, as soon as Zhukov ceases to properly evaluate the services of Yesenin and ceases to see him as an equal partner). On the same basis, Yesenin is trying to build his relationship with Stirlitz. But in Stirlitz, the hierarchy of values is diametrically opposed to the hierarchy of Yesenin's values, and Yesenin can no longer come to terms with this.

It can be seen that each type has its own strengths and weaknesses. In other words, a person is not universal - he does something better, but something is not given to him. However, for a normal life, the realization of all aspects is necessary, and this is possible only in a dual pair. Every person needs a complementary partner - dual.

There are 8 dual pairs:

dual relationship- the most comfortable. They are also called relations of complete complementarity. These relationships are the most important discovery of socionics. This is exactly what the Bible says: "It is not good for the man to be alone; let us make him a helper fit for him" (2 Gen. 18). In dual contact, partners organically complement each other, and this happens in the most natural way: what is common for one of the duals, the other admires and is accepted with great gratitude.
However, it is not worth taking the dual for a "magic wand" that can solve all problems. These relationships become truly harmonious only if the duals strive for this. And, unlike other types of relationships, this mutual desire gives the greatest effect.

In this example, we considered the interaction of only 2 pairs of functions, however, in a similar way, you can trace how the rest of the functions interact, in general, we can say that the strength and nature of the manifestation of any aspect in one of the partners in a dual relationship is always adequate to the request because the same aspect of the second partner.

The interaction in other dual pairs can be analyzed similarly.

In total, there are 16 types of relationships in socionics:

All these relationships can be analyzed based on Model A. For contrast, consider how interaction occurs in the least comfortable relationships - conflict relationships.

There are 8 conflict pairs:

Using the example of a pair of Stirlitz - Yesenin, let's consider how interaction occurs in conflict relations.

Yesenin's main function is the intuition of time, he is a dreamy romantic, a man of reflection rather than action. And since Stirlitz's intuition of time is a painful function, Yesenin's approach to life extremely irritates him and unbalances him. Stirlitz simply does not understand, considers "Yesenin's isolation from life" unnecessary and wrong, tries to remake Yesenin, which inevitably leads to conflict.

Yesenin has a painful function - business logic, therefore it is difficult for him to get along with those who make him work in an unusual rhythm, he always hopes for indulgence and indulgence, does not tolerate reproaches for disorganization and indiscipline. Since business logic is the main function

Keywords for Stirlitz: practicality, professionalism, organization and order, detachment from the high quality of work, the strength of sexual desire and confidence in its legitimacy, freedom of erotic manifestation, the ability to deliver sensual pleasure, take care of physical needs, a sports lifestyle; rejection of mysticism and fantasies, the desire to know the future exactly, uncertainty in the emotional states of both one's own and others, proof of love by deed, care, and not in words.

Keywords for Yesenin: daydreaming, spirituality, a tendency to self-deception, all-consuming love, emotionality, the desire to find a strong partner, the ability to manipulate him to achieve his own goals; business helplessness, the difficulty of organizing and solving everyday problems, the inability to deny oneself momentary desires, the general spiritual need prevails over the physical, the desire for elegance and a "secular" way of life.

1. Intertype scale - socionic score -14.

Stirlitz is a practitioner for whom reality is the defining essence of the approach to everything, and Yesenin is a humanitarian, a dreamer and a romantic who goes into a land of dreams - these are these psychotypes. In addition, Stirlitz is a person of specific perception, for him any uncertainty can be a traumatic factor, he must know everything in advance, since intuition is his vulnerable function. And for Yesenin, illusory fluctuation, dream, daydream is the sphere of the most frequent stay.

At the same time, the business concreteness of Stirlitz, who does not like dependency, is not the best "gift" for Yesenin, whose business logic is a painful function. And any indication of the necessary actions, which Stirlitz likes to remind, painfully hurts Yesenin. Since his business helplessness is perceived by him as a confirmation of his own "aristocratism" and exclusivity, Yesenin wants to be conquered only by the strongest among the rest, but Stirlitz is not aimed at suppression by force, but at equal cooperation.

These attitudes are also manifested in the sexual relations of partners. The desire to belong, to be a helpless child on the part of Yesenin, is not very supported by Stirlitz, who prefers to take care, but by no means conquer. Yesenin would like power sex as a certainty that his partner is the strongest among others. But the power approach in no way belongs to Stirlitz's strategies of behavior. Note that Stirlitz is generally not distinguished by special vanity, his public claims are not so great as to stand out from others.

Emotionality also has a somewhat unbalanced character compared to what is required. Yesenin loves to squander emotions, but for Stirlitz it is quite tiring to constantly be with such a partner, he would like a more calm adjustment of his emotional actions, but not direct, emotional pressure.

This conflicting pair is not much different from the previous pairs in terms of the style of interaction between functions. Also one is an extrovert and the other is an introvert, and also one is rational; the other is irrational. The first circumstance is positive, and the second leads to those negative consequences that are characteristic of conflict relationships, not to mention the very difference in the life rhythms of partners, which in itself is also uncomfortable.

STIRLITS AND ESENIIN. CONFLICT RELATIONS AND CONFLICT MARRIAGE.

2. Masculinity and femininity; 3. Breadwinner and hostess.

With all the shortcomings of such an alliance, which we have already discussed above, of the two possible options, it is still preferable to the opposite. This is obvious, since it implements the highest male and female properties of these psychotypes, Stirlitz's masculinity (masculinity = 3) and Yesenin's femininity (femininity = 3), so that on the second scale we have the maximum score here (6).

But the third scale does not show as high scores as the second: Yesenin's score in the economic sphere of life is very low here (hostess \u003d 2). In particular, this is due not only to the fact that Yesenin is an intuitive type, the business logic of a woman of this psychotype is located in the pain channel. Very often this manifests itself in very low energy.
At the same time, Stirlitz has, although not the highest, but still a significant score in the ability to provide the family with a reliable material base (breadwinner = 6).

This option is even less preferable than the previous one, due to the fact that here and on the second scale there is no gender correspondence of psychotypes. Yesenin is more of a female type, like other humanitarians (masculinity = -3), and the practitioner Stirlitz is a male type, so the femininity of the wife of this psychotype is neutral (femininity = 0).

As a result, the total score of the spouses generally has a negative value (-3).

The third scale, however, has a quite good total score, mainly due to the high economic capabilities of his wife, Stirlitz, (hostess \u003d 8), although the abilities of Yesenin's husband, the breadwinner, are very modest (breadwinner \u003d 2).
Unfortunately, the total result of the third scale cannot cover all the negative aspects of the two previous scales.

4. Conformity; 5. Emotional-sexual compatibility.

Little can add to the positive overall balance of this pair and the last two scales. The weak conflict nature of Yesenin (- 1) is fully compensated by the weak conformity of Stirlitz (1), the result is zero.

Emotional-sexual compatibility is greatly reduced due to the different needs of the spouses in the intimate sphere due to their belonging to opposite quadras (- 3). And, as in other couples that are in a relationship of socionic conflict, the fact that in a pair of logics and ethics (2), as well as sensory and intuition (2) improves the overall situation on the fifth scale.

The final calculation looks like this:

Husband - Stirlitz, wife - Yesenin.

1. Intertype: -14

2. Masculine and feminine: 3+3= 6

3. Breadwinner - hostess: 7+2= 9

4. Conformity: 1-1= 0

5. Squareness, emotionality, sensory: -3+2+2= 1 TOTAL: 2

Husband - Yesenin, wife - Stirlitz.

1. Intertype: -14

2. Masculinity and femininity: -3+0= -3

3. Breadwinner - hostess: 2+8= 10

4. Conformity: -1+1= 0