How is marriage going now. Scenario of matchmaking by the groom - a ready-made solution

Even before discussing the celebration itself, the bride and groom decide whether to arrange a traditional Russian matchmaking or a Western one. However, more and more often, the bride and groom give preference to long-standing Russian customs and rituals designed to protect the young family from adversity. Whether the groom should woo or whether it is an outdated custom and the consent of the bride is enough is a moot point. Matchmaking is not always arranged for the sake of traditions and protection from evil spirits, it is also a veiled acquaintance of the relatives of the bride and groom, as well as a great way to have fun.

Of course, the observance of absolutely all Russian traditions in our time is impossible, so the bride and groom can choose some of them, the most pleasant and cheerful. From those rituals that seem absurd, it is quite possible to refuse. For example, it used to be customary for a girl to meet the matchmakers silently, sitting by the stove, with her back to the guests, and the matchmakers, entering the house, slammed the doors three times. Looking for a stove and slamming doors in the house of the bride's parents these days doesn't seem like a good idea. The simpler and more fun the matchmaking is, the better.

How to marry the groom's parents

According to the rules, the groom's parents must be present at the matchmaking. This does not mean that they must necessarily be matchmakers. Previously, professional matchmakers were hired for this. They, being subtle psychologists, skillfully conducted a conversation with the bride's parents.

If, nevertheless, the groom’s parents play the role of matchmakers, then at the entrance to the house they must say the classic “You have goods, we have a merchant” and praise the groom in every possible way. This matchmaking item is optional, but it can be quite fun. The times when the owners could refuse matchmakers, disgracing them to the whole village, are long gone. Matchmakers actively praise the groom, and the bride's parents jokingly belittle his dignity. In such a comic form, the meeting of matchmakers takes place, and the bride, in the absence of a stove, may well be hiding in her room.
After the matchmakers convinced the bride's parents that it would be better not to find the groom, the guests were invited to the table, and negotiations began. So, the dignity of the bride, the cost of the wedding were discussed. Nowadays, roles can be assigned. For example, the groom's parents are looking for and , and the bride's parents are looking for and .
In the past, matchmaking was more magnificent than a wedding. Now this is no longer relevant, since the bulk of the guests come precisely to the wedding. Therefore, it is not necessary to excel in treats or lead everyone to a restaurant. It will be enough if the owners feed the matchmakers so that they are full and satisfied.
The groom's parents can bring a towel embroidered in a special way, if they wish. But modern matchmaking does not lose its charm even without a towel.
If the matchmakers and the groom's parents nevertheless decided to observe the rite of slamming doors, they should be careful in this matter. It will be somewhat unpleasant if guests damage an expensive front door or slopes. This is a purely symbolic gesture designed to deceive evil spirits. The first time they slam the door lightly, the second - a little harder, and then they come in.

The groom's parents should be more correct when "examining" the bride. Previously, such an inspection could reach the point of absurdity, but now it needs to be turned into a joke. To belittle the dignity of the bride, thereby knocking down the price of the ransom, must be extremely careful so that the future wife does not remember later on every anniversary how the matchmakers offended her. You can, for example, ask: “Does the girl know how to sew and wash, is she a good housewife? Her hands are so white and well-groomed. And in any case, do not mention the defects in appearance - crooked teeth, too thin, etc.

Is it possible to get married without the groom's parents

There are times when the groom's parents cannot be present at the matchmaking for one reason or another. If they are alive, healthy and live nearby, but for some reason could not come, after the matchmaking, the bride and groom can visit them.

Often, young suitors resort to the help of matchmakers, while men over 30 prefer to do everything on their own. If, nevertheless, the groom comes alone, he must independently think over all his steps.

The groom must buy flowers before the matchmaking and be responsible in choosing a bouquet. should be gentle, but magnificent, and the bouquet for the future mother-in-law should be modest, but refined. In order not to offend anyone, you should not make this contrast too strong. For example, it would be indecent to arrive with a huge bouquet of tea roses for the bride and three tulips for her mother.
Any relatives or even friends can be matchmakers, but the groom himself can make a speech in front of the bride's parents. In this case, he must think it over in advance. The groom needs to remember that his task is not to tell how he loves the bride, but to praise himself beloved so that the girl's parents want to accept such a son-in-law.
Previously, even the most enviable groom could not get final consent to matchmaking. The bride's parents could choose a worthy husband for their daughter for years. But now this is a symbolic ritual, so the groom can calm down and come up with something sweet and a little fun instead of pathos.
The first rule of good matchmaking is that the groom should not drink alcohol "for the sake of comfort" even before he arrives at the house of the bride's parents. Even if relations with the girl's parents have long been established and turned into friendly ones, you should not spoil the holiday with such troubles.

In addition to flowers, the groom can buy a bottle of champagne or good wine, as well as treats (sweets, a heart-shaped cake, etc.). For the sake of observing traditions, champagne is not immediately shown, since purely theoretically there is a possibility of refusal. The groom should not be too obvious to show confidence that he will be accepted.
Do not forget about

Instruction

If your parents know next to nothing about a guy, tell them a friend before the red carpet. Mothers and father - about how good he is and how he loves you - about their parents, what they love and what should be abstained from. This story will mentally prepare both parties for an acquaintance. In addition, if they learn more about each other, they will quickly find topics for communication. If there is a need for this, the guy, how best to dress for him in order to make a good impression, what flowers to give to his mother, and what cognac to his father.

Matchmaking is usually held at home, with parents, but if you want, you can simply invite them to lunch or dinner in a good restaurant. The place where the meeting will take place depends on the form of your clothes. For a family meeting, a casual suit will suit you, and in a restaurant you are supposed to wear an elegant two-piece suit. In any case, refrain from both too simple everyday outfits and ceremonial clothes that are not characteristic of you. In the first case, you may seem like an unenviable party, in the second, you will feel out of place.

Having met with your bride and her parents, give them the gifts you brought (for women - flowers, champagne or sweets, for men - good cognac). The girl should introduce you to her parents, and her parents to you.

Start a conversation with some neutral topic, but do not drag out for a long time. Move the conversation to the topic of love and the purpose of your visit. In order not to be nervous and not to go astray at a decisive moment, try to think over and rehearse your speech in advance. Talk about your feelings for and how you will treat your wife, what you do, how you plan to support your family, etc. Try to speak calmly and rationally. Remember that in front of you are for your girl people who wish her happiness.

Your parents, godparents, some relatives or friends can also participate in the ceremony. In this case, you yourself speak about your feelings and intentions, and your “support group” should try to present you to the girl’s parents in the most attractive way.

If the girl's parents have nothing against the current candidate and this wedding, then the father, as a rule, puts his right hand into the hand of the future son-in-law. After that, give your parents symbolic gifts as a sign of respect, and your bride - a ring that she will have to wear before the wedding on her left hand. At this moment, in many families, the girl's parents also give something to their future relatives.

After these formalities are completed, both parties usually sit down to a table. During a leisurely feast, in a relaxed atmosphere, the most important moments of a future wedding are discussed. For example, the venue of the celebration, the expected number of guests, the composition of the menu, the cortege, shooting, how financial expenses will be distributed, where the newlyweds will live, etc.

In the event that the groom's parents are not present, the girl must also visit them. The groom introduces her to his parents, she gives a bouquet of flowers to her future mother-in-law. If your parents live far away and you don't have the opportunity to visit them, be sure to send them your photos and ask for permission to marry.

Sources:

who is present at the wedding

Matchmaking is one of the oldest rituals in Rus'. The groom asks permission from the bride's parents to marry her. The ceremony takes place with the participation of the closest relatives of the groom.

Instruction

The matchmaking never took place on Wednesday or Friday. These days were considered unfavorable. Odd days, on the contrary, were ideal for this event. The groom with his retinue went to the house usually after sunset to avoid the evil eye. On the way to the house, the matchmakers, as a rule, did not talk to anyone. Before knocking, they touched the jamb. In the house, the conversation always starts from afar.

As they say, touching wooden objects brings success, so the groom and his escort made sure to do it. Often the groom did not see the bride before, so if the brides agreed, then there was a conversation about setting a day for the bride's bride. It also happened that the matchmakers and the groom had to visit the bride's house several times in order to obtain the consent of her parents.

Now these are outdated. But the groom must come to the bride's house and ask her parents for her hand and receive their blessing for marriage. The visit and the groom should not be too long. If it ended successfully, then the parties, as a rule, agree on the announcement and resolve issues of the upcoming wedding.

How was the wedding before the bride?

First of all, the matchmaking was preceded by the bride. In addition to the groom, his relatives came to the bride's house - an older brother, uncle or godfather. The girl needed to demonstrate her talents, and if the groom liked her, matchmakers soon went to her house.

During the matchmaking, the girl should have been silent, demonstrating her skills and outfits. If the bridegroom liked the bride, he drank a glass of water or honey presented by her relatives. If not, he just put the glass to his lips and left it full. The girl, in turn, could endure a pumpkin to the unkind groom, which meant refusal.

Modern traditions of matchmaking of the bride

Nowadays . In large cities, the whole ceremony most often comes down to a joint dinner of parents and announcing their intentions to the young. But if the young people want to keep the traditions, then the groom and his parents need to prepare in advance:

First of all, you should discuss in advance the date and time of the visit that is convenient for the parents.
The future mother-in-law and father-in-law should be appeased by the guy with a gift. For the mother of a girl, most often they choose a bouquet of flowers, but another gift is also suitable: beautiful dishes or decor items, sweets. The groom can give the girl's father a bottle of elite alcohol, cigars, a book. You can also check with the bride what her father is fond of (fishing, collecting, hunting), and make an appropriate gift.
The groom must give flowers and a symbolic gift to the bride.
In the role of matchmakers can be not only the guy's parents, but also the godfather or a close relative. A male matchmaker must be married, but a matchmaker can be unmarried.
Matchmakers traditionally bring a symbolic gift to the girl's parents: sweets, fruits, wine.
The mother of the groom can give the future daughter-in-law some expensive gift. It can be jewelry or a valuable item for the family.
Matchmakers to the bride's parents can also present a symbolic gift - an icon, beautiful candles, a charm.

The groom and parents must be neatly dressed. If there are more girls in the family, for example, sisters, you need to take care of the flowers for them.

In modern society, it is not customary to learn long poetic speeches, but traditionally, matchmakers start a conversation with someone familiar to everyone: “you have a product, we have a merchant.” This is followed by a story that a beautiful girl lives in this house, with whom a young, generous, strong and wealthy groom is boundlessly in love, whose hands came to ask for matchmakers. The bride's parents can respond impromptu, but it is better for the groom's matchmakers to prepare a speech in advance.

While the parents are praising the bride and groom, reporting on their education, work, success and other achievements, the young are supposed to be embarrassedly silent. Previously, the bride had to change clothes at least five times in order to demonstrate the wealth of her family and her beauty. Today, this tradition has lost its relevance -. Sometimes, while the auction is going on, the girl hides in her room.

The bride's parents prepare treats for the matchmakers and at the table discuss the young people's plans for life, their intentions, attitude towards children, etc.

Matchmaking ends with a decision - whether the girl's parents will give their daughter in marriage to the groom. After their consent, the date of the bridegroom is negotiated - when the girl's parents go to the groom's house. It already stipulates the holding of the wedding, the number of guests, the distribution of expenses.

Matchmaking traditions

Particular attention has always been paid to the observance of customs, so if traditional matchmaking is planned, the information will be useful:

it is not customary to marry on the thirteenth, as well as on Fridays and Wednesdays;
most often they go to woo on the 3rd, 5th, 7th or 9th of any month;
traditionally, the guy had to run from the car to the house as soon as possible - this displayed his love and protected him from the evil eye;
matchmakers entered the house after the third invitation. At the same time, it was customary for the first two to slam the door loudly;
guests were seated in a certain way with their backs to the door, which spoke of their intentions;
at first they started talking about something distant, and then they got down to business;
matchmakers examined the girl in order to find flaws and reduce the ransom. They could even examine the condition of her teeth, so the bride's parents and the girl herself tried to prepare for the ceremony as thoroughly as possible. Now, of course, no one does such an inspection, but in a joking way, matchmakers can ask a girl to demonstrate what she can do: cook dinner, sweep, wash dishes, iron a shirt;
the bride's parents were bargaining, after which the girl's father decided whether to marry her to this groom. The second word belonged to the mother, the third to the brother of the bride.

If now 99% of matchmaking ceremonies end with the consent of the parents to the wedding, then before the matchmakers could go for years while the bride's father chose the most worthy candidate for his daughter.

Traditionally, the girl's parents did not prepare gifts for matchmakers. In modern society, return gifts are a sign of respect, so you should prepare in advance. What to give, it is better to check with the guy. It can be home charms, wine, a basket of fruits, a home flower, kitchen utensils.

To turn matchmaking into a real holiday, you can invite professional matchmakers who, according to a special scenario, will arrange a fun and interesting ceremony.

In the old days, people honored traditions, signs and rituals, thus they paid tribute to their ancestors, and this was also considered the threshold of happiness and good luck. The wedding took into account all the rules, the order was carefully observed from beginning to end: the bride's matchmaking, preparation for the wedding and the celebration itself - all stages took place according to a pre-honed scenario. At present, the performance of all ancient national traditions is often impossible or inconvenient, but at least some of them are present at any wedding, thus we emphasize belonging to Russian culture.

long tradition

In the memory of our older relatives, matchmaking always took place according to a noisy and cheerful scenario, now this ceremony is more relaxed, usually with its help the bride and groom introduce their parents to each other.

Previously, the appointed date was not specified, the matchmakers always sought to suddenly appear so that the bride and her parents could not prepare for the reception of guests. Therefore, knowing that her beloved would soon ask for her hand, she always looked forward to the cherished knock on the door.

In those days, there were countless traditions of matchmaking, now most of them have already been forgotten. However, if there are elderly people in the family who strongly recommend sticking to the old script, the bride and groom often have to obey them. Here are a few elements of matchmaking that have survived to this day and are most often used in the ceremony:

Loaf is a very important symbol of a Russian wedding. This tradition goes back to the times when the Slavs worshiped pagan gods. Then the most revered was Yarilo, the god of the sun. The loaf both in shape and color resembles just the same sun, which symbolizes the happiness of the young in family life. According to the scenario, the matchmakers bring the loaf, and the bride should cut it. They eat everything to the last bite so that the marriage is strong. Nowadays, if the groom's family does not have the opportunity to bake a loaf on their own, it can be ordered at any bakery store or replaced with a cake.
The second symbolic thing was a towel on which a loaf was presented. There were many variations of its use, but most often, if the bride agreed to marriage, she tied the hands of the matchmaker with a towel.
According to tradition, only the bride's family met the matchmakers, the girl herself did not show herself until her parents called her. Now this can also be applied, in this case there will be a note of intrigue.
Even if the prospective groom completely suited the bride's parents, and they only thought about how to quickly arrange their wedding, consent to the union was never given right off the bat. The matchmaking of the bride assumed that the guests had to be fed, listened to and, preferably, “fill the price” of their daughter, showing that she was smart, beautiful, hostess, and much more.

After the families agreed that the wedding would take place, the parents called their daughter to the guests, then the real bride-to-be began: the bride was asked to walk around, make tea for everyone and perform other simple actions. Previously, a girl in the family had one important role - motherhood, the more she could give birth to children, the higher she looked in the eyes of other people. By performing such simple actions, the bride showed her physical condition, and the matchmakers evaluated her and guessed how many children she could give to her husband, because until that day they often could not see her close. In addition, the girl showed her thriftiness, which was also highly valued in family life. Currently, in most cases, matchmakers have already seen a potential daughter-in-law more than once, so the importance of this moment has disappeared. However, it will not be superfluous for the bride to take care of the guests and show what she is capable of, thereby she will inspire respect from future relatives.

The last stage of the script was the joining of the hands of the young by the father of the bride. He made a touching speech, asked the groom to take care of the girl, admonished the young to respect each other and a strong family. Now this custom also takes place, it will become a touching and memorable end to matchmaking. In addition, this will allow the groom to feel all the responsibility that will be entrusted to him after the wedding, as the head of the family.

Nowadays, many do not follow these rules; matchmakers rarely learn special verses or come up with interesting scenarios. Now, when young people usually adopt the traditions of other peoples, observing the rites of their homeland will allow them to stand out from the crowd.

If you decide to conduct a matchmaking ceremony, following the rules, you can ask one of your friends or relatives to shoot it on a photo or video camera in order to replenish the future family archive of memories with the first important event.

Rules for the bride and her family

Matchmaking by the bride should also take place according to a special scenario, although her role is the smallest of all. Previously, girls would sit patiently in seclusion, trying to hear a little bit of what was going on in the other room. Now the role of the bride is not much different, the only significant difference is that she can be present at the negotiations.

However, this does not mean that she does not have to prepare for this rite. Firstly, a general cleaning is done in the house and a magnificent dinner is being prepared, everything must be impeccable so that the groom's relatives can appreciate the girl. The use of various alcoholic beverages is allowed, because the conversation should take place in a friendly informal atmosphere.

The girl should take care not only about the decoration of the apartment, but also about her appearance. It is necessary to carefully consider your image in which she will first appear before future relatives as a daughter-in-law. Previously, if a girl was a skilled needlewoman, she put on outfits made by her own hand to show the level of her skill. Now, of course, no one expects this anymore, attention is drawn to other nuances:

The girl should be dressed elegantly and tastefully, but not defiantly. You need to correctly emphasize your dignity, without using too open clothes, with the help of it it is better to please your lover later.
It will be a big plus if the bride herself prepares a gala dinner or at least a main course or dessert. This will show the matchmakers that the groom, having become a husband, will not starve.
An important factor in the old days was the girl's dowry, among which were things made by her hands. Now this fact is often ignored, but it will not be superfluous, especially since it is not so difficult to create any household item.
It is important to pay attention to the style of behavior, you should not stand out in conversations to the fore, on this day you should amaze everyone not with the ability to conduct conversations, but with the ability to manage the household.
You shouldn’t be silent all evening either, you can insert interesting phrases into the topic and delicately express your own opinion. It is especially not worth arguing with future relatives, in particular, with the mother-in-law, it is better to tactfully express your arguments in order to come to a compromise and show yourself as a strong personality with your own stable opinion.
You should also show respect to your relatives, because people of the age highly appreciate such an attitude towards their parents. Therefore, even if the atmosphere in your family is not as good as we would like, on this day you will need to forget about all grievances.
It is also necessary to pay due attention to your future spouse: take care of him, make sure that he does not get bored, etc. In addition, you can ask the future father-in-law and mother-in-law about their son's tastes, habits and views. Even if you have already thoroughly studied your beloved, this will show his parents that their opinion is important to you and assure them that you will be a loving, caring wife.
You can flaunt a purchased or self-grown pumpkin. According to a long-standing scenario, if a pumpkin was exhibited in front of the threshold of the bride's house, this meant that the groom was denied a wedding. Now, of course, refusals are extremely rare, but all the same, matchmakers should not think that the ceremony will be easier for them.

General rules for the ceremony

The ceremony of courtship of the bride in our time can take place according to one of the many scenarios. But they all share a few of the same features.

The matchmakers from the side of the bride meet the guests, at first without inviting them to the house, they must find out the purpose of their visit, as if they had no idea about it. Usually everything is not called by its proper names, the bride is called a commodity, and the groom is called a merchant, at this stage, with the help of such accurate negotiations, the matchmakers of the two sides look at each other.

Then, if the bride's parents do not mind further negotiations, the guests are invited to the house. At the festive table, the groom's parents praise their son, pointing out all his virtues that will be useful in family life. The bride's parents should hesitate a little, but then give in to their "opponents". This is followed by the bride's praise, the groom's matchmakers are trying in every possible way to "bring down the price", asking tricky questions, and the bride and her family must turn everything in their favor. This stage is best done with humor to dilute the seriousness of the evening.

This is usually followed by a discussion of more pragmatic issues related to the conduct of the wedding. After some time, the bride's family may pay a return visit to future relatives.

The matchmaking of a beautiful bride is an ancient tradition that has undergone many changes, but is still found among Russian newlyweds today. Couples who honor the customs of their ancestors try to keep this ceremony as traditional as possible. The wedding portal site is sure that if you know how to woo a bride and follow simple rules, the matchmaking ceremony will not only allow you to get to know the bride's parents well, but also charge your relatives with a positive mood before an important celebration.

Rules of traditional matchmaking

Tens of years ago, the rules of this ceremony were quite strict and fateful for the bride, since the parents made the main decisions. The tradition was strictly observed so that the family could decide whether to marry their beautiful daughter. Let's find out together how the traditional matchmaking of the bride took place, according to the ancient rules.

Ancient rules of matchmaking:

As a rule, the role of matchmakers was played not by the groom's relatives, but by special "matchmakers", elderly women who played the role of intermediaries.
The matchmaker helped in finding a suitable bride, and only then in conducting the ceremony itself. She told the groom all the details about the bride's dowry, about her beauty and character, so that the groom could decide whether to marry or not.
Often, young people were complete strangers and could meet for the first time at the matchmaking ceremony itself.
Further good relations between families depend on how the matchmaking goes. So it was in ancient times: the parents of the bride tried to please the groom: they set the table and offered treats to the guests.
Wednesday and Friday were considered bad days for the ceremony.
The third, fifth, seventh and ninth numbers were considered very favorable for matchmaking.
Traditionally, matchmakers came to the bride's house late in the evening to avoid the evil eye.
In order for the matchmaking to be successful, the matchmakers touched wooden objects (table legs, door jambs), which promised good luck.
The decision of the parents depended on how the matchmaking of the young bride took place. They did not always agree the first time, so the matchmakers often came to visit twice and even thrice.
If the matchmaking was successful, the matchmakers walked around the table three times, were baptized and planned the day of the bride.
In case of refusal, the matchmakers observed the ritual - they closed the door with their backs so that it would be difficult for the bride to find the groom.

Refusals were infrequent, because the matchmakers clearly knew how to properly conduct matchmaking in order to please relatives, praise the groom and his family. Having come to the house with good intentions, both families could come to a mutual decision.

How to marry a bride these days

Matchmaking has lost its former importance these days, but the tradition has remained alive, and many newlyweds include it in the list of obligatory things before the wedding. Even if the bride and groom do not know how traditional matchmaking is conducted, at a family meeting, parents will be able to get to know each other better and talk about all the details of the wedding.

How to marry a bride today:

Before the ceremony, the groom and his parents should carefully study how to woo according to all modern rules in order to feel confident when meeting. What if the bride's parents are quite conservative and strictly revere even long-vanished wedding ceremonies?
If you decide to conduct a matchmaking, the groom should prepare a little for the meeting by picking up a strict classic suit and a white shirt.
The meeting most often takes place in the house of the bride's parents, but you can also arrange matchmaking in a restaurant.
The groom must not come to the house empty-handed: he must give the bride and future mother-in-law a beautiful bouquet of flowers. A small male gift can also be given to the father-in-law.
Together with the parents and the groom, a “matchmaker” can come to the house, in the role of which a relative or a good family friend will act. A trained person knows how to properly woo a bride and will be a good helper for parents.
If the groom wants to woo according to all traditions, then the matchmaker will conduct real dialogues with the bride's family, praising all the best qualities of the groom and promising the bride the happiest life.
However, modern matchmaking can do without a matchmaker: young people simply sit down at the table with treats and start discussing wedding trifles.
Parents should learn in advance how to bless the newlywedsso that they continue to prepare for the wedding with a calm heart.
The bride and groom can sit side by side, but hugs or kisses will be inappropriate during the first meeting of two families.
At the end of the event, the mother-in-law can give the daughter-in-law a memorable gift. As a rule, this is a neat chain or pendant.

What to say at the first meeting during the matchmaking?

The site Svadbagolik.ru has already told you how to properly conduct matchmaking, but it is also important with what words you cross the threshold of the house, because the first impression of the parents depends on it. As a greeting, matchmakers can use the following remarks:

We came from afar, and a thread from a ball brought us. Our prince (name) saw a beautiful firebird, a sweet girl(Name). So she shone brightAthat went straight to the heart.Yes, there was a misfortune: she flew home! The wing flapped up - a feather remained in the hand. We came to look for the firebird - give us the red maiden!
We have come today to woo your beautiful daughter. Our fiance loves it! We are excellent matchmakers, we bring joy to the house. We ask you to marry your dear daughter!
We came to your house for a reason, because we have one dream. We want to play a wedding - rather see our grandchildren. And if our thoughts are similar, let's postpone all matters in order to discuss the wedding together, and open a good path for the children.

Even if you don’t know how to conduct a matchmaking ceremony according to all the canons, try to say words of welcome from the heart, be positive and open, behave with dignity and manners. Remember that the first meeting of the parents is very important, because further friendly relations between the two families depend on it.