Funny stories to lift your spirits. Uplifting stories (12 cases from life). How to attract a girl

If you are tormented by the blues and you are convinced that everything is bad and good, bright and good in the World, then urgently take one serving of "", you can drink a cup of fresh coffee or tea and the whole week will be just great!

Your positive healers. :follow:

The kids are talking

I was on the bus. The grandmother, on the contrary, teaches the little boy the names of the fingers: “Big, index - they are indicated, middle - he is in the middle, nameless - he was unlucky, they didn’t come up with a name, and the little finger.” The kid repeats: "Big, index, medium, unlucky ..."

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My daughter (6 years old), usually a restless child, walked all day without mood. She asked, they say, who offended, what do you think. Answered:
- About pigs. The teacher said that their necks were designed in such a way that they could never look at the sky, and sobbed.
Life didn't prepare me for this...

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I twisted my hair today. Daughter (4 years old) looks, looks at me, and then gives out:
- Mom, your hair is so excited!

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Daughter comes from the garden:
- Mom, give me a piggy bank, I'll throw 10 rubles there.
- Where did you get them?
- Fedor from our group gave, said to save us with him for an apartment, it's scary to take loans now!

About neighbors

We have a kind person living in the entrance. In someone's apartment there is a Wi-Fi router without a password. And the speed is good. The point "Use" is called. I surf the Internet for free. But a couple of times a day, the point changes its name to something like this: “Relax” or “Sorry, business”, “Until 22:00”. And the password appears. Oh my god, I adore this man and I look forward to the moment when the name of the point changes to a mobile number or an apartment number to thank him.

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Two years ago we moved to a quiet courtyard in the city center. The house is cozy, quiet and smooth. The husband pulled a rope between the trees, and they began to dry the laundry. Once we arrived home late in the evening, and the linen was gone. They were upset, of course, but they did not call the police because of a couple of sheets. And in the morning a neighbor came with our dry and neatly folded linen. She says that the rain began to drizzle, she decided to take it off.

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When I feel sad and lonely, I buy a helium balloon on the way home. And here I was returning from work with a balloon. Before opening the front door, I thought that the next ball would go bad and there would be no joy left, so let me please at least someone. I tied the ball to the door handle - a lonely pensioner who imagines that I constantly knock on his walls. She pressed the call button and disappeared into the silence of her apartment. About an hour later, the doorbell rings, I open it, and there is a waffle cake. Sadness has vanished!

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I live in an old house. The entrance is always terribly dirty, there was no light, they did not clean it. A 23-year-old girl moved into a neighboring apartment. She turned on the light bulbs in the entire entrance, collected cobwebs from the ceilings, washed the windows, and swept away the dirt. Somehow I go home from work, and she works again - brushing the railing with a brush. It even brightened in the entrance, it’s nice to go in. It became a shame that we are such pigs. Convoked, undertook to restore cleanliness in the yard. They removed the garbage, patched up the curbs, bought flowers for the entrance. And the girl chipped in for a gift.

Our relatives…

My boyfriend works as an animator - he entertains kids in a bear costume. And this bear is exactly the same as my bear from childhood. And when I feel bad and want to speak out, my beloved puts on this suit, I sit on his knees and start talking about everything, and he listens. I’ll cry for half an hour, and then I feel like I was born again. This is bear therapy.

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Once I was on a bus, accidentally looked at the ceiling, and there was a sunbeam from my phone. And there is another one nearby. I started to drive my bunny all over the bus, and the other began to catch up with me. When we drove up to my stop, I stood near the door. And suddenly someone hugged me from behind and said: “Here you are!” That's how I met my husband.

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My husband's name is Eugene, he works in a large team and often comes home angry and twitchy. To relieve stress, I put him to bed, give him ice cream and tell fairy tales that I myself came up with: about the hero Zhenya the Good Molodets, who cruelly but fairly punished the villains, and when he screwed up himself - about Zhenya the Fool, who, of course, all in the end corrected. Always falls asleep with a smile.

Interesting things happen to us every day, but we are in a hurry somewhere so often that sometimes we don’t notice or simply forget about these wonderful moments, fixing our consciousness on not the best situations that happened to us that day. So today we offer to look at your day through a "positive" magnifying glass :)

Read a selection of stories, these are shared by people on the Internet.

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My grandfather was very fond of borscht. And so the whole month grandmother cooked it, with the exception of one day, when she cooked some other soup. And it was on this day that, after eating a bowl of soup, grandfather said: “The soup is good, of course, but, Petrovna, could you cook borscht tomorrow? I missed him madly.”

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Whenever we argue with my husband, we sleep in different rooms. We were given a kitten a month ago. Now, if the husband goes to another room, the cat grabs his hand with his teeth and pulls in the direction of the bed - he will not calm down until we all fall asleep together, embracing. This is how the cat solves our conflicts.

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My morning began with tasteless coffee, a tuft of hair pulled out, and my kitten "doing his job" in my new 15,000-ruble boots. Then, when I got to work, I found out that I had been fired. Last night my boyfriend proposed to me. I am the happiest girl in the world!

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I realized that my eyesight was very bad when I walked around the park from work and tried to lure the cat. For a long time “kiss-kiss” to her, coming closer, and she croaked and flew away.

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I am a single father. Yesterday I heard a neighbor say that I am a bad father. Like the little one screamed all day. I just didn't let her eat plasticine.

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She left to live in another city six months ago. Mom sent a parcel with winter things and hid a chocolate bar in her boot. When I found it, I cried for half an hour. I miss you terribly. Appreciate your parents, for them we are all the same kids.

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Recently I went with my mother to my brother's birthday, my mother called a taxi. A car with a child seat arrives: it turns out that the question of the operator “Are you traveling with a child?” Mom replied, "Yes." I am 23

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Once I was walking around the center in new shoes and badly rubbed my leg. There are no pharmacies or shops nearby. I’m limping, I’m completely desperate, I endure hellish pain, and then a girl catches up with me and with a smile gives me a pack of plasters! Here it is - female mutual understanding.

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This morning I was very pleased with a man of about 50 in the subway. He read the book and laughed heartily at some moments. And then he remembered that people were looking at him, and again he became gloomy and serious. But, reaching the funny page, he again began to laugh and smile like a child. How cool is that.

We are very happy to collect such stories on our website. Please read and share with friends and family.

There is a belief...

A long time ago, when my future husband and I did not yet have cars, houses and vacation plans in common, he brought me flowers. Such a simple bouquet is not the first freshness, I bought it in a hurry at a gas station.

“Do you know,” I told him, straightening the crumpled roses, “we, esotericists, have such a belief that the longer the presented flowers stand, the stronger the relationship will be.

The poor admirer came every evening, sniffed and searched that bouquet, which stood for a heroic three weeks. After that, he constantly brought me flowers from the gas station, and they all bloomed for a long time, luxuriously and a little boastfully.

Then we went on vacation, I got pregnant, a daughter was born, we bought a house, moved in, and he revealed a terrible secret to me, that after those very persistent flowers, he realized that this is a sign of fate, and nothing will interfere, not even age , no children, no different interests, no my bad temper, and everything will work out for us.

And I, in turn, admitted that every day I changed fading roses for fresh ones. Went to the gas station and bought more.

We, esotericists, have such a belief - what you believe in, then it works.

Tram history

I was traveling from the university by tram. Some mother was sitting behind with a 9-11 year old child in her arms. And this “baby” constantly poked me with his foot in dirty boots on white trousers (on purpose, he probably liked me), to which I turned to his mother with a request to calm him down.

She told me that THEY are raising a child according to the system of some " Heyhu..zera”, this is when the child is allowed everything and essentially sent me.

And then a guy came up behind me, a little older than me. He took out the chewing gum from his mouth, stuck it directly on his mother’s forehead and said: “ I was raised in this system too.”, - winked at me and got off at the next stop.-

Everyone has a chance!

The announcement read:

“Villa for sale by the sea, 3 floors. With pool and garden. The cost is $1.

Rave! - grumbled the bum and threw away the newspaper. Walking through the yards in search of food, he saw an ad on the wall: “A villa for sale by the sea, 3 floors. With pool and garden. The cost is $1.

"A typo, is it?" - thought the bum and went, grumbling, on. Coming out onto the avenue, he drew attention to a huge banner: “Villa for sale by the sea, 3 floors. With pool and garden. The cost is $1.

The bum thought. He became curious what kind of madman could write such a thing and decided to check it out. He had nothing to lose but the last dollar in his pocket. Arriving at the address, he saw the same villa. Robko called. The door was opened by a beautiful woman.

Sorry, I'm on an ad. Isn't this a prank?
- What do you?! Everything is correct.

I'm talking about the cost: 1 dollar? This is true?
- Yes. 1 dollar. If you are interested, you can look around the house.

Delighted by what he saw, he gave his last dollar and became the owner of a luxurious villa. But still decided to find out why such a low price? To which the woman, smiling, said: “Before his death, my husband indicated in his will that I sell our villa and transfer the proceeds to the account of his mistress. How can I not fulfill his last will?! The ad hung for half a year, and you are the only one who responded to it. All the best to you." And she left.

It all started with the fact that 7-8 years ago, an experiment was conducted in one of the schools to introduce an American-style grading system. that is, by points - A, B, C, D, E, F. where a corresponded to the highest score, but F - to the lowest ...

And in the process of debriefing after the next control, the teacher, without leaving a detached reverie, says:
- If you answer the same way in the exam, you will get an E score ...
In the resulting silence, only one uncertain voice was heard from the back desks:
Are you threatening us?


Everyone knows that our people do not swear, but speak it. But we are accustoming the West to it as well. Eyewitness account:
Germany, autobahn, in one of the "pockets" there is a truck with Russian numbers. The muzzle is lifted up, the carrier - hands up to the elbows in fuel oil - something is digging in it. Germany is a police country - of course, here they showed up. Two policemen, young and not very ie. with experience. The one that is young begins to load a partner:
- Auto kaput, call an abshlep (to drag the car to the workshop).
Then the older one approaches the driver, rubs something with him, gets into his car and is about to leave. The young man, confused, looks at him with a silent question. An experienced policeman and says:
- He'll get better and leave.
Young him, surprised:
- Do you speak Russian?
Old:
- No, the driver just said “x@ynya”, but if he said “p@zdets” - then you need to go to the workshop!


... we bought 4 kg of meat for a barbecue, put it to defrost and went for beer ... while we were walking (2-3 hours) there was no meat - the cat ate it ... they scolded the cat, but there was nothing to do, they decided to weigh the cat - whether he ate everything or where he hid part ... weighed - exactly 4 kg ...
and everyone had one question - where is the cat actually ...


Great Britain. Court entry 12659. Case of a pregnant woman.
A woman about 8 months pregnant got on the bus. She noticed that the man opposite was looking at her and smiling.
She immediately moved to another place. The man smiled wider, the woman moved again. The man smiled wide open.
When the woman moved for the 4th time, the man neighed all over the bus. She complained to the driver and the man was arrested.
The case was taken to court.
The judge asked a man (about twenty years old) what he could say
in your defense?
“Well, Your Honor, it went something like this: when the woman got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said Double Peppermint Twins Coming, and I smiled.
Then she moved to a seat under the sign "Slogan's Ointment Will Reduce Tumor" and I was forced to smile. Then she moved herself to a place under the sign "William's Big Stick did the Trick" (William`s Big Stick did the Trick), and I could hardly contain myself.
But when she moved for the fourth time and found herself under the sign "Goodyear tires could have prevented this accident," I fell out.
(Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident).
Judge: - EXCLUDED


This story happened to one comrade, just when he was returning from a long trip. It stands, then, at the box office for a ticket. The box office is still closed, but is about to open. And the comrade is the very first, at the very window. And then a citizen in a cap comes up (as it is now customary to say - “a person of Caucasian nationality”) and, wiping his comrade from the cash register, brazenly puts his passport on a shelf in front of the cash register window, after which he loudly declares:
- Perviy will!
The comrade, without saying a word, takes this same passport and, swinging, throws it at the very end of the line. A citizen in a cap, having somewhat changed in the face of Caucasian nationality, silently leaves for his passport. He picks it up, shakes it off, returns to the cashier ... The queue freezes - everyone is wondering how a comrade will now be torn to pieces with their teeth (no dagger was found with a citizen in a cap). However, a dazzling smile sparkles from under the cap, and the Caucasian squeezes into the queue behind his comrade, in front of the one following him, with the words:
- Then I'll be the second!


One man who served in the Navy and their ship came to Japan told me. And it was at the end of the Soviet period. There was nothing in Russia yet. And our sailors, if possible, bought all kinds of equipment there. So one of our sailors bought a refrigerator. For some reason, he was left with the burden of delivering the refrigerator to the ship. Maybe then there was no delivery in Japan, I don’t know. So he rented a bicycle, in some unthinkable way screwed the refrigerator to the bike, placing it vertically on the seat. And he began to carefully roll this complex structure towards the port. He himself walked beside him, holding the steering wheel of the bike with one hand, and a two-meter refrigerator with the other. And the road ran through an underground tunnel ... So he walked, walked, walked. He walked very slowly, because he was very afraid of the fall of the precious refrigerator. The tunnel was long and only in the middle of the road the man noticed that a dense stream of cars was going in the opposite direction, and no one was heading in his direction. Only he. Then he stopped and puffing very slowly turned his head back to look. Behind him was a multi-kilometer column of cars that followed him. Hundreds of cars drove like ghosts, at a speed of a kilometer an hour. The man was shocked to the core. Then he was still indignant - “well, at least they beeped, otherwise I felt like such an asshole when I turned around, I’m still ashamed”

The family went mushroom picking in a car and took a watchdog with them to guard the car in the absence of the owners. And now the dog is locked in the car, and the owners with a calm soul dispersed through the forest. They return to the car after a couple of hours and see a picture - All four wheels are stolen, and under the janitor there is a note “The dog is not to blame! She barked!"


... a friend came to visit a young man. She lived for about a week, one day the following dialogue took place (he asked her to iron her shirt):
- In general, for what x ... did I come to you?
- Behind my...
- That's right, not ironing shirts !!!

The story is absolutely real.
There lived a beautiful girl with an ugly surname. I don’t know why her ancestors were so punished, but it was written in the passport: Svetlana Gnida. She suffered like this until the age of 20, until she married a man with a wonderful surname Priceless. But for some reason, Svetlana not only took her husband's surname, but also left her own. It turned out a wonderful double surname: Nit-Priceless.
You can tell endlessly such stories, such as, for example, at the graduation ceremony, all Sveta's classmates died of laughter when they heard from their dean: Our best student Priceless-Nit is awarded with a red diploma, how Sveta's children threatened to burn their birth certificates if their mother forbade them to change their last name, etc.
What I liked the most about this family is:
When Sveta was arguing very strongly with her husband, Sergey (husband) spoke only one phrase, after which her verbal flow completely dried up, and a smile appeared on her face. Sergei said this:
- Shut up, Nit, I made you Priceless!...

My neighbor bought himself a Japanese minibus. They have this option:
when you turn on the reverse gear, it starts recording a phrase in Japanese.
Like: "I'm going backwards, move away"
I come to the garage, he comes out to meet him, happy, smiling ...
- Look what you did.
He gets into the car, starts it, puts it in reverse...
- "GO FUCK!", "GO FUCK!", "GO FUCK!" ...
All this in the voice of a neighbor, but for the whole yard.

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Once in Moscow in a restaurant in the summer I asked for iced tea - tea with ice.I thought, well, since they drink hot tea all their lives, then they should also talk about cold tea.be aware of. Yeah.The waitress brought a cup, poured ice water into it, thenwith a chic gesture, poured tea from a tea bag on top of the ice(previously tore it up). And smiles at me with a condescending look.And in the gray eyes - a deep sense of inner superiority. Like herewhat we are, you can’t podkuzmish us, we all know! and we can do everything! But notcomplain: what you asked for, you got. Tea with ice? Yes! Such tea!

And still with ice, eat it!

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The other day, going up the staircase to visit a friend, I meet nota very sober man who apparently just missed histhe only one. Throwing his head back, he said something like this: "You aloneI have one, Nina!" and much quieter "Like a hole in the ass ...".

When we were in the 10th grade (this was in the late 80s), we were obliged (underthe threat of poor performance - whoever remembers this will understand) buysubscription to concerts of symphonic music. Teachers and GORONO understoodthat the only way to lure the masses was by promising to have funthe end of the concert, and therefore after the next cultural eventwe were promised a cool disco by those standards. We were requiredjust sit quietly and clap when you need to. The hall was full. Everyone cameoverdressed and impatiently waiting for the promised. Came on stage prettya pleasant woman is an opera singer. Now, after a while, II understand that she sang very decently. But then - did we need it?To say that everyone behaved obscenely - to say nothing. Everyone was making noiselaughing, talking. On the stage, to the side, there was a table at whichsat the director of the Philharmonic. During the speech, his face changed color fromburgundy to green. When it was all over, the singer retired fromwith a bouquet laid backstage, and everyone is in anticipation of a cool breakfidgeted in their seats, the director asked for the floor. His speech was short:"I will not reprimand you about your behavior - you yourselfyou know. We promised you dancing after the concert? So now everyone whodoesn’t want to dance, they can go to the wardrobe for clothes ... (Here, a seasonedpause) And those who want to do the same, but dancing!!" So weno one has screwed up yet.

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It was in one workshop for the repair of equipment. There, employees take turns staying on duty for the night. And somehow everyone comes to work - the door is closed, they call - in response, silence. Someone guessed, went home for a child, he climbed through the bars and opened the door. They come in - the duty officer, drunk in the trash, lies on a cot. But don't sleep!
The boss asks: why didn't he open when they called him? He replies: because he did not have a can opener ...

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