"For me, every day is learning." How I married a foreigner and live on the Cote d'Azur. Marry a foreigner: the whole truth about married life abroad

Many girls dream of marrying a foreigner and leaving their native land in the hope of a better life. Foreign films about love, pleasant trips abroad and happy stories in magazines paint a picture of an ideal life in another country, seducing with financial well-being and the opportunity to radically change one's destiny. But is married life really so wonderful away from home?

My story of meeting my future husband or how I married a foreigner

I never had a goal to leave Russia and find family happiness abroad by marrying a rich man who would take me to beautiful distances. I traveled a lot before marriage and visited very many countries where life was significantly different from the Russian way of life. In my life, there were even several holiday romances, when, having met an interesting man on a regular trip, I was overwhelmed with romantic feelings. But communication after the end of the vacation usually ended after a few weeks, and most often the chosen one simply disappeared without any explanation.

I met my future husband at a conference where the management sent me, and Thomas spoke at it as a speaker. Our communication began exclusively within the framework of a working relationship. At the conference, we chatted over a cup of coffee in between speeches and were surprised to find a lot in common. He speaks excellent Russian, so there was no question of a language barrier.

After the conference, he went back to Germany, and I returned to my city. But we continued to communicate via Skype and phone both on work issues and just chatted like good friends. Six months later, we knew almost everything about each other. He again had to go to Russia, and he offered to meet. And after this meeting, he admitted that he had come only for me.

On the one hand, I was very flattered, and I even allowed myself to dream a little about a serious relationship, but on the other hand, I perfectly understood that we belong to different cultures. The relationship continued, we went to visit each other several times, and after another six months he proposed to me.

I weighed the pros and cons for a very long time, but finally agreed. was modest in a small German town, attended only by our relatives.

Who is better: a foreign husband or a Russian?

For the third year now I have been living in Germany and during this time I have seen and learned a lot about the traditions of this country, having the opportunity to compare family life in Russia and abroad. And here are my conclusions.

financial stability. In almost all countries, the man is the main breadwinner of the family and brings the lion's share of the family budget. Women, of course, also work, but married women most often take care of children and the house. Therefore, if my husband suddenly decides to find himself in another professional field, he will first of all think about how this will affect finances, and only then will he begin to realize himself in something new. In Germany, it is very rare to find a man with a family who stays at home while his wife works. Such behavior causes condemnation and negativity from others. Of course, in any country you can meet parasite husbands, but their percentage is very small compared to Russian men.

Culture of communication. In Russia, it is considered normal if a husband uses foul language in the presence of his wife, children, and just on the street. The profanity heard at our bus stop will not surprise anyone. Abroad, this occurs only in disadvantaged countries. In Germany, such behavior is considered savagery. Swear words can only be heard among teenagers.
Relationships. My husband talks about how European men always treat women with respect if they follow certain rules and fulfill their duties towards their husband. A woman in the family will be respected if she takes care of her husband and children first of all. But if the wife allows herself a regular mess in the house, an empty refrigerator and frequent tantrums from scratch, then the likelihood of a divorce is high. Although after a divorce, many ex-spouses maintain excellent friendships, which is rare in our country.
Bad habits. Men in other countries, as in Russia, may drink alcohol or smoke from time to time, but not in such quantities or with such regularity as in our country. My spouse can afford to drink beer with friends 1-2 times a month, or a few glasses of wine at Sunday lunch. But drunken men sleeping anywhere on the street in Germany are practically a crime and the lot of vagrants (who are practically non-existent here). In addition, smoking is condemned here and causes general disapproval. Drunk women who are married and have a family are generally nonsense.

Trials of the first year after marriage with a foreigner

Of course, life abroad with a foreign husband differs significantly from Russian realities. At first it seemed to me that I was in a fairy tale, until I faced a whole bunch of problems that I could not overcome without the support of my spouse.

The language barrier. Fortunately, my husband speaks good Russian, which cannot be said about his environment and relatives. Everything was very problematic for me with German, despite the express courses that I took in Russia. It was very difficult at first to communicate in an unfamiliar language, sometimes switching to English in order to communicate with others. Only after a year of living in Germany did I begin to communicate more or less freely, although I still make small mistakes. And my accent immediately betrays a foreigner in me.

The attitude of others. Many acquaintances of Thomas were perplexed by his choice. Many even discouraged, citing the fact that Russian girls marry foreigners solely for mercantile purposes. At first, everyone was very wary of me. Especially those who constantly tried to catch me in selfish thoughts. Only over time, their attitude towards me changed when they saw that I really love my husband and even try to find a job myself. But during this period of my life I had to show all my patience and endurance.
Laws. Unfortunately, I was not aware of the German laws that were tough for me. In particular, my husband was very unhappy with the car fines that I received through ignorance or inattention. It is also very strict here not only with the rules of the road for both drivers and pedestrians, but also with the observance of cleanliness on the street. Once I received a remark from a policeman for a plastic bag that accidentally fell out of my bag.
Citizenship. To obtain citizenship of another country, it is not enough to marry a foreigner. To do this, you must constantly appear in the relevant authorities for foreigners and submit a bunch of papers confirming the right to stay in the country. I have not received citizenship yet, so in the event of a divorce, the state will have every reason to deport me home.
Job. Finding a job abroad without citizenship, even with the status of the spouse of a legal citizen, is very difficult. My documents on education received in Russia are absolutely not quoted here. Even to work as a simple seller in a store, you will need a work permit, which still needs to be obtained. At first, I was eager to find at least something, but my husband asked me to pay more attention to the house and think about planning a child, taking all the financial support on myself. As a result, while sitting at home, I became interested in making custom-made cakes, which are very popular here. Of course, I really want to return to the financial sector, which I had to leave in Russia, but for such a serious job, I need to re-learn in Germany, as well as confirm my knowledge of the language.

Communication. I really missed communicating with my friends and relatives. And making friends in a foreign country was not so easy. Skype saved me, through which my parents and relatives supported me, but I really wanted to talk with someone, go to the store or just take a walk in the company of a loved one. Huge support in this regard was provided by my husband's younger sister, who helped me with German and constantly asked about Russia. Unfortunately, I have not yet acquired real close friends, except for my spouse, in a foreign country.

We asked three Ukrainian women who are married to foreigners: a Spaniard, an American and a Mexican, how they met, got married, what is the difference between mentalities, and what would they advise girls who are in love with foreigners.

Marie and Angel (Spain)

I met my husband in Thailand, where I lived and worked for two years at that time. Angel was in Bangkok for the weekend. We met on Tinder, which is a popular dating tool for expats in Thailand.

A big enough problem for European girls to find a partner living in Southeast Asia: Europeans, Americans who live there are obsessed with Asian women and are rarely interested in Western girls.

For Angel, it was love at first sight. I also really liked him, but I did not build any castles in the air, given that he lives in the Emirates, and I live in Thailand.

At the first meeting, he postponed his flight twice, although I immediately hinted opaquely that if he expects to spend the night with me, then this will not happen. He stayed anyway, and we talked with him for probably 6 hours. Since that evening, we did not stop corresponding, and he flew to Bangkok at the first slightest opportunity.

After a couple of months, it became clear that this relationship was long and serious.

He met my parents two months after our first meeting: he flew to Ukraine while I was on vacation. And I flew to Spain in four with him.

I never set myself the goal of marrying a foreigner. Ironically, as a lawyer, for a long time I advised women who wanted to go abroad, warned them about the risks of human trafficking. I had a lot of things to do when I helped our citizens in the custody of children in marriages with foreigners.

We celebrated the New Year holidays with our parents, first with his, then with mine. Both mothers were very interested in how our relationship would develop further. I said that I was ready to move to the Emirates, and my husband assured my parents that this would happen with the formalization of the relationship.

The question of a big wedding was not even raised, it was immediately clear: I am a very sociable person, I really have many friends and their geography extends to the whole world. Since I am a believer, church marriage is very important to me. Angel supported me in this. Since I go to church and it is more religious, we decided to get married according to the Orthodox rite. Because there were two weddings: in Spain and Ukraine.

In Spain there was a civil ceremony, in Ukraine - a wedding.

In Spain, everything was difficult with the documents. When Ángel went to apply (it was early February), he was given a date to apply for June.

There, the procedure is as follows: first you apply for the fact that you want to get married, they give a date for filing documents. Both must appear on the appointed date. Next is an interview with a couple and a witness. Then the documents are sent to the court where a decision is made. If in doubt, they may call for an additional interview. And if there is a court permission, the documents are sent to the mayor's office, where we want to get married.

We were in a hurry, my father-in-law was seriously ill, and we really wanted him to be present at this event. We moved the date, but did not have time: the father-in-law died. I thought to postpone the wedding, according to our traditions. But his family trumpeted with one voice that this was out of the question. That dad really wanted this, that the news that Angel met me, that we were getting married, extended his life and that we simply had to get married.

In general, we did submit documents. Mother-in-law was our witness. And it played a very important role in the mayor's office. They did not even ask us questions: they accepted the documents and wrote a note that permission should be given as soon as possible.

The ceremony took place in the castle. This was followed by a festive dinner with family and friends. The tradition is different from ours: there were four toasts in total. The groom, my parents, his family, and me. We celebrated our wedding in Toledo, and after dinner the guests went to the city center, and we stayed at the hotel to watch the beautiful sunset over the city.

In Ukraine, the first day was in a restaurant with a host, and the second outside the city in Ukrainian traditions and embroidered shirts.

My husband and his family admitted that for the first time they were at a wedding with a host, this is one of the differences from weddings and ours. By the way, I advise girls who decide to marry foreigners: choose a bilingual presenter, and not vulgar.

I want to advise girls to marry only if the relationship is sincere. Nothing will happen without it! As a lawyer, I cannot but advise you to learn the laws of another country and know your rights.

Christina and Pablo (USA)

My future husband is from the capital of California, Sacramento. Last year, he traveled around Europe for 9 months and at the end of August he met me at McDonald's on Khreshchatyk. I just wanted to learn English and therefore got involved in all conversations. So I helped him buy a cappuccino, as a result of which he stayed in Kyiv for a whole month.

Then he went back to the USA, and we called each other for 4 months every day in the morning and in the evening. Finally he came here in the spring, brought his car and married me.

He jokes, it was a marriage of convenience: he always wanted to move to Europe, and here I am. I also believe that there is nothing stronger than love, sealed by circumstances.

We got married quickly, in a document service. Then we went to a bar with friends, and that's all.

We are asked when we will leave to live in California, but we are not bad here. I am a publicist. What will I do in the USA? He is now an English teacher.

Pablo likes Ukraine very much, he emphasizes that those who call it a third world country have apparently never been to Mexico or Colombia. Kyiv is clean, there are many parks, it is safe to walk the streets. And compared to California, he likes that we are cool. It only surprises how many beautiful women and ugly men we have. She says that an American would not even look at our men.

Julia and Jose Luis (Mexico)

I just moved to the Dominican Republic, got a job at a hotel where José Luis was the project director, and he hired me as my sales manager. He says he fell in love with me at first sight and began to show me signs of attention. At first I did not take it all seriously, but his love for me eventually interested me: I began to look closely at him.

Financial difficulties ensued. I worked in a hotel and did the best, but the salary was small, they promised high interest, but at least I could live in all inclusive. However, I did not know how long I would stay at this job, and in another city - in the capital, I rented a house in advance, where my sister was supposed to move in 2 months. José Luis helped pay for the apartment as an advance on my salary, it was very masculine. I considered it a serious act.

He showed his love for me with every action. And one day he fell ill, I took care of him, cared for him. He was surprised that a beautiful girl could also be so responsive. After a month of our relationship, he realized that I was his destiny and made an offer.

We lived and worked in an all inclusive hotel in the Dominican Republic. But six months later they moved to his hometown of Cancun (Mexico), where they had to start everything from scratch - to look for work, housing, a car. At first we lived on our common savings, I constantly worked on freelance, but then Jose Luis found a job, and it became easier. Now we are renting a large house, in which I always try to maintain order and comfort.

When we were planning the wedding, I lost a lot of nerve cells. We decided to get married in Mexico. I didn’t know anything here at all, it was hard to organize a dream wedding on the Caribbean coast. Well, at least the future mother-in-law said to Jose Luis: “This is the main day of her life, let everything be as she wants.” The dress had to be brought from Ukraine: everything is very expensive there. Even for rent. The agency didn’t even particularly understand what kind of celebration I wanted: catering on the seashore was exactly at six o’clock, and the menu was provided to me ... from two courses. When I asked what the guests would eat, they told me that there would be another cake.

Friends and relatives could not come to the wedding so far. There was only a sister who moved here. Of course, it was a bit sad, but we celebrated well: all 6 hours of the official part, and then went for a walk along the beach with his friends.

Jose Luis came to Ukraine, even visited the garden - he passed this exam from my mother "with excellent marks"!

He says that the people here are kind, sympathetic, and this makes them look like Latin Americans. But there is a difference, of course. Their families are more united, they all have fun together. And they eat less. You come to visit: they will offer you something to drink, but they don’t spend time at the table, like we do. In general, it is advisable to come with your drinks even on a birthday, and a gift is not at all necessary, the main thing is that you took the time and came to congratulate the birthday man.

In general, the difference in mentality will not interfere if there is sincere and true love between you!

The editors of The Only One sincerely wish every girl happiness with her loved ones. regardless of kilometers and distances!

And good dating services.

A woman who dreams of getting married wants love, warmth, understanding, material well-being. In search of the above, many women from the CIS countries are looking for happiness in a marriage union with a foreigner. Most of those who dream of getting married abroad must know high-quality dating sites and, in general, understand the topic, which will help the portal " site - Your guide to the world of online dating».

As the saying goes, “don’t get married, if only you don’t get married.” Marriage is a lottery, and you must draw out a treasured, lucky ticket.

Marriage abroad - like any issue, has its positive and negative sides.

Let's take a look at them:

Advantages of a serious relationship with a foreigner

Move to a permanent residence in a foreign country, get acquainted with a new culture, learn customs and traditions.
Opportunity to learn a new language. Courses, teachers are not able to give the knowledge that a person will acquire while in the country of native speakers.
It is easier for a child in an international family to adapt to modern realities, he will speak several languages.
A high standard of living, medical care, social security is an advantage of developed countries.

See also: Communication with foreigners- the best programs and sites for language practice with native speakers

Cons of marriage with a foreigner

Not a single teacher, textbook will give the level of language proficiency that is necessary for one hundred percent understanding of the language of a foreign country.
Other traditions, customs, holidays. Each nation has its own culture, rules, which for some is good, for others it may be a violation of etiquette. Remember Bulgarians nodding when they say no.
Children born in a foreign country "by right of soil" become its citizens.

How to get married abroad

Marry a foreigner- the dream of many girls. For some - a way to achieve their cherished dream - emigration. Others, in the course of communication, fall in love with an overseas prince from a fairy-tale country, ready to follow him to the ends of the world.

Let's talk today about how to get married and go abroad in a short time and effectively.

The most popular tool on the way to the goal - meeting website.

How to marry a foreigner using a dating site

On a dating site, girls have real prospects of getting married. You just need to register on the page, fill out the questionnaire (try to make the questionnaire entertaining), upload beautiful photos, and go ahead - towards the cherished proposal to get married.

You can register on Russian-language portals; if you know a foreign language, the best option is foreign sites; or use the services of a professional marriage agencies . The third option is less desirable, ladies should take the initiative and register on the sites.

When choosing a dating site, it is necessary to meticulously evaluate the online service, since success directly depends on the quality of the service. Be sure to check out our TOP 10 international dating sites, there are high-quality time-tested sites.

Attention: The ranking of the best dating services is based on your votes and ratings, so participate in Polls and voting so that the TOP is truly Popular!

Examples of quality and free sites include:

Free-russian-dating.net- an international free dating service, takes 1st place in the TOP 10 according to the ZsI portal, thousands of profiles and multi-stage verification and selection of candidates. It is also possible to get acquainted with reviews service users.
lovemage- affiliate free dating site with foreigners, high-quality and time-tested. The resource has existed since 2007 and during this time has managed to collect a high-quality database of profiles.

One registration is not enough. Want to ? Then it is necessary to understand the psychology of foreign men. It should be remembered that foreigners are deprived of women's attention, care, warmth, and, turning to dating sites, they are looking for women who can give them the warmth of a family hearth. No matter how loudly they shout about gender equality in our country, most girls consider the main role of a woman to be the keeper of the hearth. Dreaming of marrying a foreigner - remember, they need a loving, understanding wife. If you meet the criteria - wait for an offer to marry a foreigner, as there are thousands of such men on online dating services.

Why is it important to improve the language of communication

At first glance, a simple question, but in fact a complex and ambiguous one. Each girl has her own ideas about marriage, a prince on a white horse, a happy life.

A successful marriage is work, everyday work. Hopes that the man of his dreams knows or will learn Russian are negligible, a girl should learn a foreign language if she wants to marry a foreigner. Shakespeare's language is an international language and will always come in handy in life.

Be sure to check out our TOP mobile apps to communicate with foreigners to learn the language- it will be very useful to everyone who wants to improve their language by communicating with natives.

If the choice fell, for example, on a European, then it is worth remembering the reverent attitude of the inhabitants of any European country to their native language. A couple of lines, written in the native language of the chosen one, will become clear evidence of the seriousness of the woman's intentions, characterize her from the best side.

Why foreigners choose our women

Girl chasing a goal - marry a foreigner, should take a closer look at their appearance. In this case, we are talking not so much about beauty and sexuality, but about femininity, grooming.

It is necessary to clearly understand who a foreigner is trying to find on a dating site, what does he lack in his own country?

Everything is very simple. From time immemorial, a man has been the personification of the earner, the protector of the lady of the heart. The situation of the modern world, especially the West - women stood on a par with men, fighting on an equal footing with them for a place under the sun. Many ladies who prefer a career either do not think about the family, or assign it a secondary role.

You do not find warmth, affection, care in your homeland, you start looking for them in a foreign land.

No matter how “cool” a woman is at work, but in the family, in relationships with her man, a wise wife will show her behavior, attitude - she recognizes her man, agrees with him, listens to advice.

In the course of virtual communication, a girl who gives a potential chosen one a sense of her own male significance, not to be confused with slavish submission, increases the likelihood of a relationship, and in the future offers to leave married.

See also: TOP 5 features that are so attractive to foreigners in our girls.

What not to do if you want to marry a foreigner

The dream is to marry abroad, then it is categorically impossible to manipulate a person, play games with him (with the exception of role-playing games), lie, cheat. This is a fiasco, you will not hear marriage proposals.

If a girl wants , then, first of all, it is necessary to understand what a foreigner is looking for in a woman and from their serious relationship. Having found the answer, the woman should try to give it to the foreign man. At the same time, one cannot be hypocritical, adapt to another person. You just need to remain a woman: a soft, understanding, caring wife - this is exactly what all men are looking for, not only foreigners.

- the best applications, sites, chats and other popular TOP 10 and TOP 5 dating topics.
Anna's story, 29 years old

Anna's husband Eduardo is a citizen of the United States of America, works as a musician in the military band of the US armed forces. A Colombian by nationality, the young man was born and raised in Bogota, in a family of musicians, he himself graduated from the conservatory.

At the time of meeting Anna was 23 years old, she is an accomplished girl with a promising job. A good salary, frequent business trips around the world and no thoughts of getting married, especially with a foreigner.

The meeting in romantic Paris changed the lives of young people. Joint weekend, after each returns to their homeland. Communication continued on the Internet. Eduardo flew to Anna in St. Petersburg, after which the young girl flew to New York. Two magical weeks and yesterday's strangers became truly close.

Eduardo's Christmas present is a one-way ticket asking her to marry him. Anna found herself between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, she was in love, and he was persistent in his desire to legitimize the relationship, and on the other hand, career and prospects. Leaving her ambitions, Anna flew away to her lover. She got married, the wedding was played in the best traditions of American society, they spent their honeymoon in her husband's homeland.

The fabulous honeymoon ended, and reality appeared before the young woman in all its glory. The presence of two diplomas, an economist and a translator, ambitions, a strong character and, as a result, the role of a housewife. The living conditions were good: a house, a swimming pool, a lot of free time, credit cards, but the girl was used to working, and idleness was a burden. Trying to find a job, sending out resumes and getting the answer “Your qualifications are too high for the job offered”, or the job required an American education. Anna taught Spanish, practiced meditation. 2 years of study and a young woman confirmed her economic diploma.

Their multilingual family does not adhere to Russian or Colombian traditions. The lovers live in the USA and celebrate local holidays. Anna is in no hurry to obtain American citizenship, is proud that she is Russian, and came from Russia. At first, discussions on the topic of politics and world history often arose in the family.

After meeting with Alla's grandmother, a war veteran, Eduardo was shocked by the first-hand story about the war, because American history books interpreted everything a little differently, giving all the laurels to the liberating country of the United States.

Every family is a job. Anna understands that due to her age (he is 15 years older) it is difficult for her husband to change, and she is working on herself, making concessions somewhere. Love, mutual respect - the basis of healthy relationships, a strong family. Anna married a foreigner, moved to a foreign state - it was hard, but it was worth it.

Olga and her story

Olga has been married to a British citizen for 5 years. Their acquaintance originated on a dating website. Russian date , where Olya registered in order to improve her English, and not in an attempt to marry a foreigner.

At first, the conversations were purely friendly: they discussed books, politics, the young man explained the rules of the game of cricket, talked about the customs and traditions of their peoples.

Like most Englishmen, Andrew is unusual for the manifestation of violent emotions and feelings. It seemed to Olga that such a polite attitude was a manifestation of arrogance and coldness. But getting to know him better, the girl realized that this was dictated by the upbringing, good manners of the Englishman. Gradually, friendly conversations turned into a love channel.

Six months later, Andrew flew to Moscow, and after a couple of months, the young people decided to start living together, and Andrew invited Olya to move to London.

After several years of marriage, Olya got married for Andrew. This story of a virtual relationship ended with a marriage proposal.

History of Marina

Marina dreamed marry a foreigner and did everything on the way to the goal. The girl registered on various Russian sites in search of foreigner dreams. There was no end to the gentlemen, although it was strange that most of them were fluent in Russian. Later it turned out that these were not foreigners from developed foreign countries, but people from the post-Soviet republics. The girl, not leaving attempts to marry a foreigner, went to courses to learn English. Six months passed, she registered on 2 international dating sites - and fdating. Now Marina, communicating with foreigners, is improving her English, hoping to meet a dream foreigner and marry him.

Fdating - international dating site, ranks 5th in the ranking TOP 10 best sites dating foreigners according to our portal.

What is a resource? dating services Fdating- a good option for women who want to meet foreigners and dream of going out marry abroad.

The database contains a large number of profiles of foreigners, there is a version of the site in Russian.

on fdating

The main advantage of the online dating service is its simplicity, the absence of unnecessary information that overloads the computer, and the absence of pop-up windows with annoying ads. An important plus - the site is completely free.

As a worthy alternative fdating.com- it is worth registering on or lovemage, both resources are free and time-tested.

Despite the obvious advantages, the site fdating enjoys a controversial reputation. On the one hand, the resource is easy to use and does not require monetary costs. On the other hand, women complain about ambiguous obscene proposals from foreigners on fdating.com .

The main page of the dating site is full of profiles of popular men. Among them are many attractive, imposing gentlemen of different ages, since the best profiles are placed on the first page. There you can immediately choose a man, start communication, and who knows, maybe he is the one who will call marry abroad.

In the upper left corner there is a quick search function that allows you to set search parameters by gender, country of residence, age. On the right side there is a search function that helps to expand the parameters of the questionnaires.

In addition to the above options, the following criteria can be noted:

city;

height;

hair color;

eye color;

religious affiliation;

the presence of children;

Family status;

attitude towards smoking and alcohol;

Zodiac sign;

knowledge of languages.

After processing the data, the program generates a list of profiles that match the selected parameters.

On the first page of the project there is an icon showing users in the mode online. There is also a block for a quick search for men in specific countries.

Summing up everything, we come to the conclusion that it is possible to consider the Fdating site as a place to find a foreigner for a serious relationship, but it is better to register at least 1 more dating site.

International dating will help you marry a foreigner

International dating sites- are not divided into purely male or female services. Foreign online platforms place a large number of male profiles, the probability of meeting a dream man and marry increases many times. It is not uncommon for women's profiles from dating sites to end up in the database of world marriage offices. There are a lot of resources stealing profiles from each other - so be vigilant and choose only high-quality and proven dating services.

How to choose the best international dating site for a serious relationship

Many recommend registering only with major international resources, such as: free-russian-dating.net,rusdate, loveeto. Those who are looking for love, want to start a family and find a serious relationship should register on the resource.

Project databases contain hundreds of thousands of male profiles who dream of finding a woman from Russia. Part online agencies owns dozens dating sites in different countries and in different languages. When registering, for example, a resume automatically enters the general database, increasing the likelihood of meeting the love of your life and leaving marry a foreigner.

An Irish proverb says, "Before the wedding, open your eyes wider, and after - squint."

Marrying a foreigner, remember, in a marriage there are also minuses, and there are plenty of pluses, as in any union of two people. In a marriage with a foreign citizen, many things can manifest themselves more acutely, since not just two individuals are trying to create a family, but people brought up by different cultures. At first, misunderstanding is possible and this is predictable. Before you start building a serious relationship with a foreigner, you need to get to know the culture of the country, traditions, learn about the customs of the family.

Girls dream from a young age marry for the prince. However, getting married is sometimes easier than keeping a family together. Many girls, leaving another state, leave their family, friends, and work in their homeland. The ideal option is to marry for love. Having married for love, the spouse gives all of herself, her warmth, affection, love to the chosen one. It is all-forgiving love that protects marriage from adversity, helps to survive difficulties, so listen to your heart and do not forget about your mind.

Be sure to leave your

The charms of marriage with a foreigner first hand - 9 stories of Russian women about life in a "foreign" marriage

In our age of globalization, marrying a foreigner, and even moving to his country, is no longer as incredibly exotic as in the days of Anna Yaroslavna. And it’s easier to get used to a new life: everywhere there are the same jeans, bathrooms, traffic lights and shops. But this similarity is purely external. Local cultural characteristics do not allow you to relax so immediately, you have to get used to it!

Husband is German

I'm Belorussian. The Germans eat potato pancakes with jam and apple mousse. I still can't bear it. In Belarus, potato pancake is a sacred and necessarily salty dish that is eaten with sour cream and all sorts of sauces. And my mother-in-law is offended that I call her “you”. In their case with the family, this is not a sign of special respect, but, as it were, a non-recognition of it as a member of the family. Like, “I don’t know you, you are strangers to me.” The Germans are also very surprised that I am torn to wipe every wound with vodka. As for Eastern European cuisine, they are amazed at how much we cook when we are waiting for guests or on holidays.

Husband is Turkish

In big cities, Turkey is such a Muslim Europe. Only in the mornings it’s not the bells that ring, but the muezzins scream, you just need to get used to it. I still haven't fully gotten used to it. It is difficult to walk with small children through the streets: it covers with a wave of public tenderness. Here is a real cult of childhood. This is not for show, in families it is even stronger: Turkish children are very pampered, rewarded, squeezed. But it is very easy to go shopping without even knowing the language. Local sellers are so pumped up that they will understand even lowing and gestures - and they will put exactly what they need on the counter.

Almost all women love to cook, and many men too, after Russia this is very striking. Everyone loves to eat no less: the portions are large, there are no barbecue-juice-salad picnics, they carry cooler bags with a huge amount of food. I didn’t have any problems with my husband on the basis of different cultures: he immediately tuned in that he would marry a European and there would be no “give-bring” at the snap of his fingers, if you want coffee, ask out loud or do it yourself. The only battle we had was over an intimate hairstyle. Here it is customary to remove hair baldly, no most modest and short haircuts are recognized, this is dirt. But this battle was before the wedding.

Husband - Ukrainian from the outback

The change of culture was very radical, because not only the country was changing: I moved from the city to the village. Immediately - a new style of communication. I tried to address my mother-in-law by her first name and patronymic. But here only "mom - you." They immediately pulled me up when I called my husband a diminutive name (that is, not an affectionate, but a diminutive one) - well, for example, “Vanka”. “Have you quarreled with him or do you not respect him? Don't talk like that in front of people, otherwise rumors will circulate."

Nothing can be done on Sunday! For me, working and accustomed to the urban way of life, it was a martyr's torment. Postpone cleaning for the weekend, and then - oops, it's already there. And that's it. Then I learned to plan and, to be honest, to bypass the ban. The husband is supportive. There was a funny cultural moment. Taught English tenses with children. There is a sentence: “Who made the birdhouse? - I. - And when did you make it? - On Sunday". The children had cognitive dissonance.

There is very fatty food here: they can serve stewed duck with fresh milk, for me this is just horror, horror. So it was here that my husband was forced to get used to my traditions. And I made a mix of this and that. I like. She even taught me to eat.

Husband is Italian

I didn’t have a culture shock in Italy, because before marriage I often went there. Well, there were highlights that surprised Russian wives.

Eating strictly according to the schedule. If a guest has come, it is not customary to dump everything that is out of the refrigerator. Not because they are greedy - it is believed that at non-lunch time a person simply cannot be hungry. And at lunchtime, a polite person will simply never visit anyone or even call, because this is sacred. Guests are offered drinks: aperitif, coffee, water. To feed a person, you need to invite him to lunch or dinner. If you ask an Italian if he wants to eat, he looks at his watch before answering. Food for Italians is everything. But you don’t need to drink to the bottom, you can even not drink at all.

It is not customary to make comments even in the most affectionate and polite form. A hint of a showdown is considered inappropriate behavior. Some, of course, quarrel with neighbors, with relatives, but this usually means a final break in diplomatic relations. Discussing some serious topics and even more so arguing is not welcome. It is customary to nod in agreement to any nonsense that you are told. At first I was surprised: why does everyone always agree with me? Then she disassembled.

This is all from the experience of communication in a small village in Lombardy (one of the most economically developed regions in the North of Italy). In the South, things might be different. But food is sacred throughout Italy.

Husband is Greek

One of the first discoveries is that hot water is not always available, but is heated by a boiler and ends rather quickly. We turn on the heating in winter for an hour or two. Because +18 degrees in the house is quite warm, and you can get used to it. But +15 - quite cold.

They don't swear - they talk about the weather. They don't kill each other - they talk about football. It is they who do not fight in a fit, but talk about politics. It is better for old people to give way to places in public transport. And especially for old women: you will be more whole. Moscow drivers are bunnies compared to Athens ones. In Athens, running a red light, right on the pedestrians crossing the road, is a common thing. Also scold them for not running fast enough.

Do not ask the names of babies under two years old: their name is baby or baby. The name will be given at the christening. Forget about how you want to name your child: he will be named after his father-in-law or mother-in-law. Such an unbreakable tradition. Well, if you want to stand your ground, get ready for war.

What other birthday? Name days - this is a holiday with gifts and congratulations. What is the new year? Christmas! And the most important holiday is Easter. Everyone celebrates it, even atheists.

Husband - Basque

I am Ukrainian. How did our cultures collide? Elementary. Only I eat borscht, because "beetroot is the food of cows." Well, please. In retaliation, I don't cook local food. What? Tortilla? It's soooo hard and only locals can do it. Here, let them do it. On Thursdays we have such a dinner, and on other days of the week something also local is invented and which I also do not cook.

I don't know who talks more about food - Spaniards or Italians. With the cold, the same parsley as in Greece: +18 - it's almost hot. +19 - all windows open and there is a groan that there is nothing to breathe.

Husband is Spanish

Spain surprised me, perhaps, with a more reverent attitude to name days. Some people love them more than the birthday itself. Well, the little things - the holidays are different. A family dinner, when everyone is invited, is Christmas. New Year is so, for young people an occasion to get out to a disco, and on the second of January, if you please, go to work!

Lunch, especially at work, is better with someone. At first it was annoying, but now I normally tell my colleagues, they say, book a place for me in a restaurant. If this is a lunch or dinner according to the card, and not a set lunch, then they order several dishes to share with everyone. Married men, especially those with children, share the hardships of life in half with their spouses. But this is more true for young people, not older than forty years.

Husband is Canadian

Mutual understanding with him is much greater than with Russian men, but I still struggle with some habits. I don’t like it when they sit with closed curtains in the daytime with electric light - here I often come across this. And I also have the “law of surfaces”: what stood somewhere on the floor is not put on the dining table. And the locals are very calm about this: they can pour water into the kitchen sink after washing the floors.

People eat Russian dishes, sometimes I cook them on request. But no one eats caviar, and it's a pity: sometimes you want it, but even a small jar is too much for me alone. And no one drinks cognac except me.

Husband is Japanese

In this country, a foreign wife will never be her own, and this will be demonstrated to her, although not out of spite. She is forever different. And it is more difficult for her to find a job than for a Japanese woman. We'll have to get used to the fact that all the money and all the property - on her husband. He even receives child benefits in a bank account. In general, a Japanese husband must be chosen even more carefully than any foreigner. The wife will be very financially dependent.

It would never occur to a Japanese man to help around the house somehow. Requests will surprise him. He will not take a cup from the table to the sink, even if the man is very kind and loving. At best, he will go for a walk with the children, so that it would be easier for his wife to clean up. It is not customary for wives to help carry heavy bags or give gifts. In fact, in five years you can teach him to help a little - for example, throw dirty socks into the washing machine, but this will require tremendous effort.

When a Japanese husband comes home in the evening, everything should be perfect there: dinner is ready, the house is cleaned, the children are nicely dressed. And no girlfriends in his house! There is a day for friends. If the husband suddenly came earlier than usual, and you are drinking tea with a Japanese friend, the Japanese woman will explode and, constantly bowing and apologizing, will literally run away.

And another detail: the husband and wife hardly talk here, this is normal. At the same time, he may even love her very much, but he has no idea what to talk about. He expresses his love in two ways: either he earns more so that his wife can afford nice personal purchases, or he finds time to stay at home, go somewhere with the whole family for a walk.

continue to publish the stories of the “Marry a Foreigner” project, in which everyone could share their story with LADY readers. Of course, only if you are happily married to a foreigner who speaks another language.

Story Lyudmila:

- I am 45 years old, for more than seven years I have been living permanently in the south of France. I have an adult daughter who is a student. She is finishing her last year at the Polytechnic Institute here. I was infinitely lucky to meet a very educated and tactful person who came to Belarus for a while. Thanks to this acquaintance, I again (after a divorce) found a family.

Moving to another country is always accompanied not only by joy, but also by great troubles. It is very difficult to change everything overnight. The support of a loving person is very important - then it does not matter where you move. Of course, France is a beautiful country! With a rich history, culture, architecture, nature! To know it, I think, it takes many years.

The main thing in my life is taking care of my family. And it takes all my time. Until the age of 15, her daughter studied English at an ordinary Belarusian gymnasium. Moving here must have been a disaster for her. She did not know French, and at first it was very difficult. I adapted, however, quickly - it is easier for children to do this. But in the beginning we helped a lot with the translations of school texts, for example. If she knows mathematics well, and it was easy with her, then subjects where you need to perceive a lot of text, such as literature, philosophy or history, were already more difficult.

I just learned French at school. I had a good teacher who gave us a grammar base. For that time, she was very modern, she had been to Paris. I still remember her phrase, which always sounded in the classroom, “Children, it’s worth earning a lot of money to spend on travel!” For us children, it was a completely new outlook on life.

Did you feel embarrassed to speak French? Yes! But back in school days. Probably, the childish fear of making a mistake in public had its place. But there is such a word "should"! If you don’t need it, then you don’t go anywhere, you don’t get to know each other, you don’t take any steps. Otherwise, you forget about everything and start talking. Even with mistakes, the more practice, the more effective the training!

I speak French, but, of course, not like the French. For me, every day is learning. Every day you memorize a new word! My husband and I always argue about correspondences in translation. As he repeats, many wars started with a mistranslation, people simply did not understand each other correctly. There are capacious French words that can be expressed in Russian with only a few words. And vice versa! True, I won’t give examples: I don’t accumulate them and immediately forget, although this often happens in conversations. Sometimes, when I speak quickly, I use the Russian word “with acceleration”. I do not immediately understand that it is from another language.

I also insert French phrases and phrases into Russian. The husband shows interest in Russian, but is afraid to teach: it is too difficult. At the same time, he gets acquainted with Russian-language literature with pleasure - Bulgakov, Dostoevsky, Ilf and Petrov, Akunin, Aleksievich ... This is just a small list of what I have read. Of course, in translations.

We have a big family that is scattered all over France - a huge country, with territories even on the other side of the planet. We often visit relatives and children. In other words, we travel around France, discovering its hidden corners with their treasures and rich history. Traveling is the best way to help in the development and education of any person - from young to old. When we travel, we communicate with different people a lot. And we often compare different parts of countries, and the countries themselves, and the human mentality. Truth, as you know, is known in comparison.

For example, we really like to come to Minsk. We love him! It's a shame sometimes to hear from Belarusians that they are dissatisfied with their city, country... The French have a different view: after long-awaited travels for them, they are happy to return to France! And they always say: "Away was good, but in France it's even better." I would like us, Belarusians, to have such an opinion about our homeland. It is sad that during the war our cities were almost completely destroyed, but, on the other hand, this made it possible to rebuild them, looking into the future in advance. The breadth and spaciousness of our capital cannot be compared with anything! These are big spaces! Parks! Wide streets and avenues! Everything is very modern! And very clean! Beautiful! Everything moves and develops. Over the years, the city has changed for the better in many ways. This is not nostalgia, this is love for your native city and country.

We never rule out the possibility of spending all our holidays here, because there are family and friends here. What is especially pleasant: already at the airport you are met by friendly people. Young border guards speak foreign languages, including French!

Lyudmila with her husband Guy on vacation in Belarus

Europeans note that the Slavs quickly grasp the language and learn to speak with little or no accent. Although France itself is very large, there are several large regions that have their own languages and dialects. The French north and south already differ in pronunciation speed and phonetics, but there is also Provence and the Iberian region ...

It is more difficult to understand not even foreigners, but local youth! When I communicate with them, for example, in a store, as a client with a seller, I often do not understand them. And they don't understand me. When I build a phrase, I have to repeat, explain on my fingers. Young people quickly break down the language, the structure of grammatical foundations... But when I listen to the speeches of politicians, I understand everything, because the phrases there are composed correctly.

In France, there is now the same tendency with the language that we have - people are becoming illiterate. This is a problem for the country, and the Ministry of Education, as in Belarus, experiments a lot with reforms, constantly changing something. Older people say that when applying for a job, you can definitely make an impression, even on a resume - it is simply with errors.

If you want to learn a new language, it's best to have a native speaker around to listen and correct you. It is also important to decide who you are: auditory or visual - so you will understand which channel of language perception will be optimal for you. The best method is to watch films in a foreign language with subtitles in it. For me, as an artist, it was important not only to hear a new word, but also to see how it is spelled. And, of course, you need to show interest in the history and culture of the country you are going to, the language of which you are learning. In any case, this is necessary to obtain documents if you are going for permanent residence, but even if not, it looks like a manifestation of respect for the country and the people with whom you communicate.

It is always nice to plunge into a completely different environment! Belarusians are different from the French, and that's the beauty of it. My opinion: you need to preserve your identity, culture, and for this you need to study the history of the country.