If a friend introduces his friend. Are you serious. Openly express antipathy towards the guy's friends, sit with a displeased look or defiantly leave

Before you meet your boyfriend's parents for the first time, you will face an equally difficult test - meeting your loved one's friends. As you know, many men depend on the opinions of their own friends. Therefore, the first impression you make on them is especially important for your relationship with your loved one. Successfully pass this test will help you a few rules that you need to remember and follow.

Don't dress too provocatively. Forget about low-cut clothes forever: a dress or a topic, you also need to give up high-heeled shoes. Remember, you're going to meet a guy's friends, not to a night out to hook up with someone else. Your outfit must match! At the same time, do not forget that you are still a woman - so you should not dress like a guy in order to fit into a male environment.

Don't "stick" to your boyfriend. For a girl who finds herself in a company unfamiliar to her, it is quite natural to want to be near her “boyfriend” all the time. However, if you get to know the guy's environment, this habit can be fatal for you. If you do not make an attempt to find a common language with his friends and will not communicate with them, then naturally they are unlikely to like you. Show everyone that you are an independent person, that you can easily carry on a conversation and be liked by others. Your boyfriend will definitely appreciate it.

Try to make friends as quickly as possible and win the sympathy of the guy's friends. This will be facilitated by your sincere interest in the conversation and the ability to listen to the interlocutor.

Act according to the situation and be extremely careful in dealing with people new to you. At first, it will be quite difficult for you to understand what style of conversation is accepted here, so be prepared for any surprises and try to enjoy communication.

Pay equal attention to everyone and communicate with each member of the company, whether it be a guy or a girl. Naturally, it is much easier to make friends with girls than with guys. However, remember that a lot will depend on the attitude of the guy's friends towards you. In order to become pleasant to them, in no case do not flirt. Especially if they are married or dating a girl.

Never ask your boyfriend about his past relationships with other girls and do not start a conversation on this topic with a man's friends.

ALYONA (22)
The frivolity of a young man’s intentions is determined, in my opinion, simply: if he does not seek to introduce you to his friends and relatives, but, on the contrary, does everything to avoid your meetings, this is a bad sign! There are also signs of indifference: you don’t appear together in public, he didn’t agree to go to your girlfriend’s birthday party, he doesn’t walk you home in the late evenings, referring to fatigue, he offers only meetings in private. I had such a boyfriend - I suspected something was wrong when I noticed that he always sees his friends out, as soon as I appear at his place. And I decided to check if his intentions were serious: I didn’t stay at his place for the night, I constantly tried to drag him out to my friends.
A month later, he "baked". We peacefully dispersed, concluding that we were not a couple for each other.
A few days later, I found out that he had begun to "court" for someone else. More than a year has passed - periodically rumors are heard about his abandoned girlfriends and their broken hearts. I am so pleased that my heart did not replenish his collection!

A COMMENT:
“Doesn’t want to introduce friends and relatives…”
I would not equate relatives, who are sometimes disliked or shy, and friends, who are usually chosen by themselves.
Indeed, a man who is proud of his woman is usually happy to bring her out into the world, introduce her to friends and generally likes to “show” her. But this, alas, does not indicate the seriousness of his intentions, but only that this woman satisfies his “status” part. The seriousness of intentions is evidenced by the fact that the man introduces the chosen one to those whom he considers really close, his own, and also (if possible) demonstrates to her his professional activities, which he is proud of.

SVETLANA (18)
I determine the intentions of a young man on several grounds. For example, if he doesn’t talk much about himself, but asks everything about you and, moreover, does it with the subtext “don’t sing, you go, go ...”, insists on a meeting late in the evening and tete-a-tete - I understand that in front of me is a suspicious type and it is unlikely that he will love and protect me for the rest of his life. There was a case when such a guy looked after me. Once he tried to drag me to a place of pleasure where he was supposed to rest alone, including an oriental dinner, that is, on a dostarkhan, without shoes and reclining. But from all this and what could follow, I was saved by chance. When I was going to the meeting, I hurriedly put on different socks. And therefore, having received an invitation to "rest in the oriental way", she answered with a categorical refusal. The young man could not understand what was the matter. It was funny to me that different socks broke his cunning plans.

A COMMENT
To be honest, I don't think it's suspicious of a man who is interested in listening to a woman, no matter what she talks about. I would rather call him a rare person or think that he specially studied (at training or from books) to be a pleasant conversationalist: usually people, regardless of gender and age, like to talk more than listen.
The desire of a young man to meet with an adult chosen one in the evening and in private seems to me also quite natural. The fact that a young man wants sex or just kisses and romantic hugs (it’s more pleasant to do both without witnesses), firstly, indicates that he is healthy physically and mentally. And secondly, this does not mean that he is not going to continue the relationship, and does not automatically indicate that he does not have serious intentions. Many couples in their thirties now have sexual intercourse before marriage (this used to be synonymous with "not getting married because I lost respect for you").
If the libertine decided to dishonor the girl, then he would most likely invite her not to a restaurant (where waiters and other visitors usually go - even if there are separate “offices”), but to his home. Moreover, he would do it in such a way that no thoughts about the upcoming fall would even enter her head: for example, during the day and with assurances that his apartment would be full of relatives.
Yes, and removing shoes, I can not call an exclusively intimate and erotic act, after which a man completely loses control of himself and, like a lustful satyr, attacks the victim.
Therefore, I am afraid that Svetlana, being in different socks, did not save her honor, but simply missed an oriental dinner. On the other hand, what are her years? Will have dinner again.

VADIM (20)
It doesn't take me long to determine how a girl treats me - I see it right away. I have one proven method: when communicating, I try to interest the girl only in myself. If I am not interested in her as a person, then there can be no question of anything serious. There was once a story when they just wanted to use me ... I met a girl: a beauty, tastefully dressed, charm itself. But in the process of communication, I felt that something was not right. The girl was very pretty, and I just did not believe that she did not have a boyfriend. We exchanged contacts with her, she gave her phone surprisingly quickly. A little later, I decided to write her an SMS with a proposal to meet. To which I received a message in response: “Hi, I will meet with you again only after you replenish my mobile account with the amount of 500 rubles. I ran out of money, let me know how you put it…” After such a message, I realized that this was a divorce and the girl was constantly doing such things. Of course, I did not replenish her account, but I wrote that I had deposited the money, as agreed, and again asked about the meeting. There was no answer.

A COMMENT
In this story, I am confused by the wording "only after ...". If the girl simply asked to put some amount on her account (“how much it won’t make you difficult” - the choice is up to the man, in accordance with his desires and capabilities) of money and did not set any conditions regarding the relationship, then in this request there would be nothing criminal.
If Vadim actually accurately quoted the girl, then it really was a divorce, to which he reasonably did not succumb.
But I was more interested in Vadim's confidence that "so pretty there is no young man" and his surprise that the girl quickly gave the phone. Here I will comment in more detail.
Insecure men, pre-configured to fail their mission as a potential gentleman, often hear what they want to hear, and attribute to the girl who puzzled them with complaisance more pragmatism and bitchiness than they really are. This happens because a man unconsciously wants to give up the fight for this, as it seems to him, inaccessible person. However, I'm not at all sure that this is Vadim's case.
By the way, a separate tragedy of beautiful (as well as popular and bright) girls and women is another male stereotype: “Such as she, of course, is not free.” They often remain "overboard" of courtship because of the fear of men even to approach them to get to know them.

LENA (31)
There are several criteria for interest. Firstly, getting to know your parents: you will not introduce the girl you are going to use only to relatives.
Secondly, the request for urgent assistance is indicative. In such situations, the true attitude is revealed.
For example, a girl calls a young man and says that she stumbled on the street, broke her heel, and there is not enough money for a taxi home. Will he offer his help? If yes, then everything is fine.
Thirdly, the choice of gifts is indicative. Let the present be modest, the main thing is the desire to learn more about the interests of the girl and please her taste. Once an intelligent young man courted me. On the second date, he offered to choose any ring in a prestigious jewelry store, but only on the condition that we continue to meet. This scene opened my eyes: sincerely interested people give gifts from the heart, without conditions.

A COMMENT
“The girl you are only going to use, you will not introduce to your relatives ...”
There are not so few happy marriages in which men (less often women) did not want to introduce their chosen ones to their parents. As a rule, these are people who have complex, sometimes difficult relationships with relatives. They did not want to meet their loved ones with relatives for various reasons: “I don’t want my parents to discuss the person I love”, “I want to move away from my parents as far as possible, they are strangers to me”, “I am afraid that my relatives will make such an unpleasant impression on her that she will refuse me”, “I won’t be surprised if my ancestors tell her nasty things about me, perhaps under the pretext of a friendly conversation”, “my mother already divorced me from one girl, I don’t want repetitions."
I must say that usually men do not strive (and often simply do not know how) to directly and exhaustively formulate the reasons for their unwillingness to introduce the girl to their parents. Therefore, first try to understand WHY he does not want to introduce you to them. The family difficulties of a beloved man can be treated differently, but I would not call their presence “diagnostic” for your future relationship, and even more so, I would not conclude on this basis that his intentions are not serious.
People who do not have a "children's" family (mom-dad-me) often throw all their strength into building a wonderful family of their own. If you are ready to accept your beloved’s ideas about his parents, not to try to “reconcile” him with your potential mother-in-law or get close to his family against his will, then you are even lucky: as the hero of the famous film said, “you need to marry an orphan.” If this categorically does not suit you and your ideal is a strong large family, including him and your relatives, and not your isolated couple, then most likely such a man will not suit you, and not you.
"A request for urgent help is indicative..."
Reading an example of a “true relationship” situation, I honestly tried to imagine a man who, in the middle of a working meeting, leaving his business and colleagues, rushes to help his beloved, because she “broke her heel”. I could not.
Seriously speaking, willingness to help is an important component of a relationship. If a man “always has no time” when you need help, or he agrees to help, but in fact does not help, this is a bad sign. Even if he has serious intentions, it is worth thinking a thousand times whether it will not be difficult for you with such a person. He, quite likely, is always ready to be there, but is it worth linking fate with an egoist?
However, a lot depends on you. First, you need to adequately formulate your requests. In other words, ask in a way that makes you want to help. Relevance (in terms of context and timing), tone and choice of words matter. Of course, we are not talking about absolutely critical situations (for example, if you have acute pain and you ask to be taken to the hospital), but such cases, you see, are not the rule, but the exception.
Secondly, what is meant by “urgent” situations is important. If we are talking about a lost umbrella or, as already mentioned, a broken heel, then you should not be surprised at the “callingness” of the chosen one, who does not rush to the rescue with the enthusiasm of Chip and Dale.
The choice of gifts is indicative.
But rather, the presence or absence of care. There are men who NEVER give gifts: not their style. Some people avoid presents because they do not have the opportunity to give their beloved an expensive thing and are embarrassed to present a cheap one. Even more representatives of the stronger sex do not know how to choose gifts - this is quite typical (a rarity is rather the opposite).
But! A man who wants a long-term relationship is usually caring.
Take a closer look: perhaps he does not give you things according to your taste, but he tries to help in a different way because of his ideas about life and opportunities (including material ones). He takes you to restaurants, fixes plumbing, arranges repairs in your apartment, takes you to other countries or to his dacha, pays for your courses, cooks for you.
Two things are important here: the first is whether he shows care, and the second is whether your ideas about what it is are the same.
But a gift given “on condition” is a really ugly act. It is better to stay away from such a gentleman.

Samira Pavlova, counseling psychologist
Institute of Psychodrama and Role Training

Congratulations, you still managed to find your soul mate! You openly flirted with her in front of colleagues, kissed drunk in the back seat of a taxi, and even managed to determine who her ex was from five-year-old photos on Instagram. Now it's time to introduce her to your friends. Your buddies and girlfriend are probably the most important people in your life (when you move out of your parents, of course), and so it's important that they get along somehow.

Many men in this regard hack. You definitely don't want to be one of them. It is much better to be a guy who can adapt to the situation and behave more sensitively with a girl than with buddies. Of course, you don't want to lose friends, and even more so a girl who finds your car falling apart cute. We tell you how it is still worth behaving with a girlfriend in the company of friends.

1. Not all at once

The first impression of a person is very important, whatever one may say. Making sure that the girl will make a good impression on your friends is also your task. You should not introduce your soulmate to friends during an important event for you and your comrades. For example, representing her at the annual friendly convention in a country house (where you and a crowd of guys have traditionally traveled for the past fifteen years) is not a good idea. You still have time when she remembers the names of your friends and their girls and delve into your jokes for her about Nicolas Cage. By introducing her to all her friends at the wrong time, you make her an outsider, and it will be much more difficult for her to find a common language with them. It makes a lot more sense to introduce her to one or two friends at a time.

2. Don't leave her alone

When the girl has already met all your friends and you gradually begin to invite her to public events, do not leave her alone. Of course, you don't have to follow her wherever she goes and wait impatiently for her at the bathroom. You don't even have to butt in on all her conversations. But dumping a girl at a party where you know twenty people and she only knows two (you and your weird former classmate)... Don't forget about her. Ask her if she needs anything (you can even ask twice!). You don't need to watch her like a little child, but it's worth reminding her of the names of your friends, whom she saw only once, and then after drinking two decanters of sangria. Try not to leave her with difficult or strange people. If you know that one of your acquaintances is not the most interesting interlocutor, do not let him pinch your girlfriend in the corner for a couple of hours. Or if another person you know is a disgusting sexist, don't leave her to go get another glass of wine. If you see that the girl is uncomfortable - go up to her, find out how she is doing. Of course, it is not necessary to hold her hand all the time, but to figure out which of your comrades is not the best interlocutor and try to get around him is a great idea.

3. Leave early

Watching your friends play the console is far from fun. Leave parties a little earlier than you normally would. An introvert, your girlfriend or not, meeting new people is an extremely energy-intensive business. In other words, to relax, as she does with her friends, she cannot yet relax with yours. So don't stay at the party until 4 in the morning, remembering all the drunk university parties while she updates her Instagram feed for the hundredth time in the hope that you will finally guess that she wanted to leave six hours ago. Of course, she is able to express her desires to you herself. But she may not. Maybe she just doesn't want to ruin your evening. She cares about you, and you, in turn, treat her with understanding - leave immediately when you notice that she is bored or tired. Try to imagine this as your desire, say, for example: “Well, are you ready to get out of here?”

4. Do not change in the company of friends

Citing the movie Grease as an example can be a dangerous idea. Still, the moral of this story is that it is worth changing for the sake of love. But the film does teach viewers one important lesson: When Danny Zuko tries to look cool in front of his friends, he looks like a complete jerk. You will look the same way, trying to surprise your friends. You do not behave with a girl the way you behave, for example, with colleagues. And this is good! But the way you talk and act with your friends and your girlfriend should look pretty much the same. If this is not the case, either your girlfriend is not right for you, or you have bad friends (or you are the problem). Do not even try to bring your girlfriend to friendly gatherings and tell everyone embarrassing details from her biography or show yourself from the opposite side, which you carefully concealed from her. Nothing arouses more suspicion than a guy who turns into a villain in the company of friends. No one asks you to call her cute names, as you usually do at home, or kiss her in front of everyone, but you shouldn’t turn into a fool at all. It's embarrassing for everyone to look at.

If a young man is in love, he can't wait to show his girlfriend to his friends. Getting to know a guy's friends is not just a fun party, but an important meeting that can determine the course of further relationships. No matter how much a guy loves you, on a subconscious level, he is influenced by his friends. And if they have a negative impression of you, it will not benefit your love union.

When meeting a guy's friends, girls perform the same actions that can destroy relationships at the beginning. To join the company and win over your lover's friends, you need to properly prepare. What mistakes do girls make when they first meet his friends?

1. Behaving provocatively, dressing extravagantly

People are greeted by their clothes, so do not rush to try on the most revealing and fashionable dress when you have gathered for this friendly meeting. As a rule, such an acquaintance takes place in an ordinary cafe, and excessive elegance is useless there. Don't try to look like a star if you are beautiful, people will notice your good looks anyway. But dressing up like a Christmas tree can make you seem ridiculous or vulgar.

Makeup and clothing should be appropriate for the place and time, but your prudent behavior is much more important. No, there is no need to be shy and silent. You can joke and smile, but don't overdo it. Pretense will not decorate you. Be natural and casual. You don't have to entertain everyone. You are a girl, not a clown.

2. Showing too much love for a guy

Don't show your feelings for a guy in public. You don't have to kiss him every ten seconds and cling to his arm like he might run away from you. You will have time for affection and tenderness when you are alone. Behave yourself in public. Of course, you can hug and lightly smack the guy on the cheek. Well, if he will behave with restraint.

Do not patronize a young man in public as if you were his mother. This may seem like a concern to you, but men don't like to be babysat. A girl can look like a child in the eyes of a guy, but not vice versa. By doing this, you humiliate his manhood, and he no longer feels like a hunter, but a stupid loser.

3. They ask comrades about the guy, about his ex-girlfriends

If you have problems in a relationship, no one will forbid you to turn to the friends of your chosen one for help. But this can only be done after some time, when you join their company and earn their trust. But at the first meeting, such questions are inappropriate.

Don't lash out at your friends with questions when the guy has gone somewhere. Anything that interests you, you can ask the guy himself. Trying to find out something behind his back, you put both yourself and your chosen one in a ridiculous position.

4. Boasting about themselves, arguing with a guy or humiliating him

To educate and teach men is the grossest mistake that women make when they go out with them to people. You can make a remark to the guy, but so that no one hears. If you want to say something now, ask the young man to leave with you for a minute. In no case do not criticize or reproach him in front of other people. This deals a terrible blow to male pride, and from the outside it looks ugly.

If you do not agree with the guy's opinion, you can express your position, but you should not prove it until you are blue in the face. Do not brag about your intelligence or talents, let the guy praise you better.

5. Constantly distracted, talking on the phone or texting online

You will have time for online dialogues at home, but here you have the opportunity to chat live. Do not ignore people's attention, giving the impression of an important lady. Most likely, they will conclude that you are either ill-mannered or you are not interested in them.
Many girls before going to a cafe ask their friends in advance to call or write to them every five minutes. However, hanging around all the time in an iPhone is a sign of disrespect for those who are nearby. Even business people will not be distracted by calls if they come to a meeting, albeit a friendly one. If your phone rings, tell them to call you later. And you can do without social networks at all.

6. Openly express antipathy towards the guy's friends, sit with a displeased look or defiantly leave

If the company of your young man did not please you, do not show it. Be polite and reserved. Don't turn the guy against his comrades. For a man, friends are sacred. If you think that they have a bad influence on him, you will have to resort to diplomacy. Later, you will be able to subtly and accurately explain to him what exactly you do not like in his environment.

Try to communicate with them in their language. Find out more about their interests and moral concepts. You can also make a correct picture of the environment of your chosen one and decide whether you should communicate with them further.