Good mom. What should it be like? Is it easy to be selfish, or why is it bad to be a good mother? How to be a good mother

Our expert - psychologist Svetlana Yablonskaya.

In reality, not much is required from a mother to be successful in this business, but these are really important things.

Social pressure

Modern society has very high expectations of parents, especially mothers. They are higher than ever, and this despite the fact that in our time the burden of parenting is greater than ever. In today's families, consisting only of spouses and their children, parents are almost deprived of the help and support of other relatives and must cope with everything on their own.

They and only they are responsible for everything. Whenever a child has any problems, it has become customary to immediately blame the parents. A similar trend is noticeable in the pedagogical and psychological environment. Numerous articles in publications and on websites dedicated to raising children are full of instructions for parents on what they should do and frightening prophecies about the dire consequences of wrong actions. At the same time, each source has its own ideas about “correct”. Here you can add the inevitable (and also contradictory) advice from relatives of the older generation, doctors in a children's clinic, and just random passers-by, for whom it is also important to express their opinion. It is not surprising that mothers become confused and become anxious. And from the constant fear of making an irreparable mistake, they begin to be afraid to do anything at all.

Don't be afraid to make mistakes

Famous British pediatrician and child psychoanalyst Donald Woods Winnicott, who devoted a lot of time to the child-parent topic, said back in the 60s of the last century that the minor mistakes that every mother inevitably makes for one reason or another are not at all terrible. Moreover, they are even necessary because they help the child in development: when encountering something that is unpleasant for him, he is upset, but at the same time he learns that the outside world does not always meet his expectations. The main thing is that this happens against the backdrop of constant maternal support, helping the child cope with difficulties and, as he realizes his separation from his mother, gradually go out to meet the world. Winnicott coined the life-saving term “good enough mother.” On the one hand, it can protect you from unnecessary striving for an unattainable ideal, and on the other hand, it reminds you of a certain “necessary minimum” that a mother must give to her baby so that he can develop normally. This minimum is ordinary love. A child feels it when his mother accepts him for who he is, caresses him, takes care of him, is nearby in difficult times and gives comfort and support at the right time.

Just to love

So what does a not-perfect-but-good-enough mom do?

• He just loves his child. She may not always be in good shape, and it is normal for her to be tired and irritable, but, as a rule, she responds to the needs of the baby, caring for him most often with pleasure and tenderness.
• When caring for a child, she relies primarily on her maternal instincts and trusts her intuition (which is especially important when there are so many “experts” around).
• In a critical situation, she is ready to sacrifice herself for the sake of the child, but in normal times she is able to take care of herself in a timely manner.
• Allows himself to make mistakes. And having realized his mistake, he admits it, strives to correct it and teaches the child to deal with his mistakes in the same way.
• By allowing herself not to be perfect, she passes this permission on to her child. “You are not perfect, but you are unique” is the message that a child receives from a good enough mother.

Personal opinion

Anetta Orlova:

In my understanding, a real parent is one who unconditionally accepts and understands his child. This is not indifference, this is respect for the child as an individual. I give the child the right to choose, I do not appropriate the child to myself, but at the same time I am always ready to help him.

A good mother - what is she like? The main fear of a pregnant woman with her first child is: “Can I become a good mother?”

And each one puts its own meaning into this phrase. Let's try to figure out what are the qualities of the best mother and how to achieve them?

A good mother is not one who allows everything or, on the contrary, prohibits everything.

She has a dream child: he is not spoiled, but not “stuck” either, he thinks freely, but knows what is good and what is bad.

He knows how to appreciate gifts, is not afraid to make mistakes, and generally grows into a developed, harmonious personality. Tell me, is it fantasy?

Psychologists assure: in order to raise a happy and “correct” child, you need to start with yourself and your attitude towards the role of a parent.

Here are the basic rules of a good mother.

What is a “good mother”

1 .A happy mother has happy children.

A baby is like a sensor; he may not yet understand everything that is happening around him (why do they put a spoon in his mouth and pull his heels?), but he very much feels the emotions of others.

If mom and I quarrel, he will immediately understand it.

If you take him for a swim for the first time, and at the same time your hands are trembling with fear, then your emotions will be transferred to him.

Screaming and hysteria will not keep you waiting. Therefore, before important actions, make sure that you yourself are calm, confident and happy with life.

A good mother is cheerful, has slept well, walked in the fresh air, and met with friends.

Even if she didn’t have time to stroke the stack of diapers!

2 .Love dad.

How do you mean “no time”? Well, your husband shouldn’t receive less attention from you than before.

He can iron the shirts himself, but you will have to kiss, hug and generally love.

A happy, full-fledged family is the best example to follow. It lays the foundations for social roles.

If your child needs to get an injection, swallow a bad-tasting pill, or go to the dentist, don’t lie that it doesn’t hurt or tastes great.

It still hurts! You remember your childhood horror of dental chairs and drilling instruments?

It’s better to honestly explain to your child what awaits him. You have to be patient, but then he will be healthy, and you will be proud of him.

A liar mom can't be good!

4 .Don’t do things yourself that you explain to your child as “bad”.

A dad who drinks strong alcohol in the morning, for no reason and in front of the child, with the words “you can’t, but I can” is not the most correct example to follow.

If you smoke, do it on the balcony.

If your child catches you, explain that you can’t do anything about this bad habit and that it’s bad.

5 .Teach him not to be afraid of mistakes.

If you made a mistake yourself, apologize. If he makes a mistake, don’t scold him.

He still has many failed exams and forgotten poems ahead of him.

This should not give rise to inferiority complexes and fear of the belt in him.

6 .I want to squeeze?Squeeze.

Friends and advisers will tell you, “Love me.” It is believed that a child cannot be constantly hugged, kissed, groomed and cherished.

He'll get used to it! Will he get used to being loved? What a nightmare!

If he behaves well, there is nothing wrong with you buying him a toy for no reason.

7 .Talk to dad.

Follow a clear strategy in your family. Decide what you forbid your child and what you allow.

Can he eat three candies a day or not? Should I scold you if I peed in the bathroom or not? Should petting the neighbor's dog be prohibited or not?

It doesn’t matter what it’s about, the main thing is that the parents’ policies are the same.

Playing the good and bad cop is better in the movies, but in raising a child there is no good and evil parent.

At the same time, the prohibitions should not be floating (on Wednesday it was impossible to pull the cat Vaska’s tail, but on Friday it suddenly became possible).

If something is bad, it’s bad on Wednesday and Friday, and it’s bad at your grandma’s, and it’s bad at your friends’ place, and it’s also bad with Petka the cat, even if you don’t like him at all.

8 .Less “impossible”.

The abundance of prohibitions reduces their overall weight.

Forbid your child three things (for example, opening the door, playing with matches and running into the road), and he will take them seriously.

Now ban a hundred things (taking mom’s cosmetics, playing with dad’s watch, pulling Vaska’s tail, tearing off the doll’s head, turning on the TV, climbing on the closet...) and you will see how they will depreciate in value.

9 .Blackmail is unacceptable.

Just because a child refuses to eat soup doesn’t mean he won’t go to the Zoo today.

It is very convenient to intimidate a child, and many parents actively use this.

But these are “dirty methods” that you will eventually teach him. It is always better to encourage than to threaten, but this must be done wisely.

By the way, beating a child is also unacceptable, even if your parents thought otherwise.

10 .Keep your promises.

If you said that for an A in mathematics you would buy him a construction set for a thousand rubles, then be so kind as to buy it.

And exactly the same one. Explaining that “you, of course, are great, but we spent all the money on a new washing machine” will not work.

Either don't promise or deliver.

Try to follow these rules and, hopefully, you will deservedly be able to say: I am a good mother.

Why do some mothers love their own children differently - some more, some less? Why is it so common to hear from adult women and men: “My mother loved my sister/brother more than me”?

And what advice can be given to grown children who in childhood found themselves in the role of unloved children and still have not let go of the grudge?
Answered by Marina Matvienko, psychologist-bioenergetic therapist, member of the Professional Psychotherapeutic League, founder of the “Path to Yourself” center for psychology and human development.
When I was a child, I often asked myself questions: “Why do my parents love my brother more than me? Why am I alone, and there are three of them - mom, dad, brother? Why, when they are fooling around on the couch on a weekend morning, do they never take me?”
And there were a lot of “whys” like that. As I got older, I asked my mom all these questions. And believe me, my mother gave quite clear answers that became clear to me from the position of an adult and a mother (at that time I already had my own child).
The most important thing that I understood from the answers is that many things look completely different from the parents’ perspective.
For example, they left me to live with my grandmother not because they didn’t love me, but because it was simply impossible for four of us to live in a room of 8 square meters.
And they constantly held their brother’s hand, not because he was more dear to them, but because they couldn’t let him go - he would run away.
But even realizing all this, many important questions arose. Why do these feelings of resentment, loneliness, disunity in the family between brothers and sisters, between parents and children arise in us? My childhood delusions led to constant clashes with my brother, resentment towards my parents, and subsequently to conflicts with my children and husband.
So what's really going on? Do parents really love children differently or do they love one at all and not the other?
Let's look at this using one consultation as an example.

Case from practice

A forty-two-year-old woman came for a consultation. She has three children - three boys. The youngest is three years old.
She wanted to solve problems with her husband, with whom her relationship was deteriorating. Over the past year, irritation towards him and the child has accumulated. The baby is restless, active and capricious, does not listen to his mother, angers her with every action and simply by his appearance.
Using special psychotherapeutic techniques, we returned to the moment of conception of the youngest child and found out that the unborn child was scared, and the mother did not want to have a baby.
Although initially she said that the child was desired, she and her husband wanted it.
It also turned out that before conceiving the child, the relationship with her husband almost came to a breakdown because of another woman.
The couple solved this problem, the relationship improved, the husband expressed a desire to have another child. The woman agreed to please her husband, to hold him tighter... But this was NOT HER desire.
Surprisingly, already at the stage of fusion of sperm and egg, we transmit information about our feelings to the unborn child. Therefore, in this situation, the mother conveyed the information “I don’t want you” on a subconscious level.
What happens next? After the birth of a child, a mother does not have a feeling of love for him, but she tries very hard to be a good mother. After all, in our society it is customary to love our own. But she can't do it.
Well, she doesn’t feel what she felt for her older children!
She develops a feeling of guilt and subconscious irritation towards her husband. After all, it was for him that she gave birth to a child! This leads to problems with both the child and the husband.
Negative feelings grow every day, anger and resentment accumulate, breakdown, depression, and loss of strength occur. You can only get out of this circle with the help of a psychologist. I would like to note that all this happens unconsciously at a deep subconscious level. In addition, we found a child's resentment towards his mother, when the woman lacked love for herself.
All this does not pass without a trace and is reflected in the child.

What does this situation look like from a child’s perspective?

In this situation, the child, in the first seconds of his life at the moment of conception, received the attitude: “They don’t want me, they don’t love me!” And the child is born with this destructive program.
How will this program affect the child?
1. Conflicts with mother.
2. Resentment towards parents (“They don’t love me!”).
3. Resentment and anger towards brothers and sisters.
4. Lack of self-confidence (“No matter what I do, my mother is unhappy! My mother doesn’t praise me or hug me! That means I’m somehow flawed!”)
5. Conflicts already with your children.
6. Constant grievances, conflicts with husband or wife due to increased demands for attention. (“They don’t hug me enough, don’t give me gifts, don’t talk about love...”)
7. Problems with finances. (“If my parents don’t need me in the first place, then I’m not worthy of living. But how can I have a lot of money and happiness in life if I’m simply not worthy of living?”) .
All these points are confirmed by hundreds of consultations and personal research.

About the unconscious programs that control the mother

Can a mother really love her children in different ways or are these children's imaginary grievances?
Parents cannot love their children equally, since the conception of a child occurs in different emotional states, under different situations.
That's why we treat our children differently. And these are mostly unconscious programs that guide our behavior.
You also need to take into account the fact that parents were also once children, and they also included their own programs at conception. What are they? Do they have love, mutual understanding and joy? Or they also contain programs: “Nobody loves me. Nobody wants or needs me!”
To recognize and eliminate these generic deep programs, the help of a specialist is required.
As a result of the consultation, the woman’s tension, anger and resentment towards her husband went away, a feeling of love for the child appeared and the relationship generally improved.

What can an adult who was disliked in childhood do?

Look at your life objectively. Are you repeating the life scenario of your parents? Look at the lives of your parents and grandparents. Realize how this tangle of negative programs increases from generation to generation.
And don’t blame yourself if you already have children and can’t show them love.
Ask for forgiveness and thank your parents for the life they gave you. Start changing your life consciously, breaking this negative thread between generations.
Create new programs and living conditions for your children and grandchildren. Start loving your children with unconditional love. Not because they meet or do not meet your requirements and expectations, but simply because you have them. And for the fact that they give us the opportunity to grow love in ourselves and become happy ourselves and make our children and loved ones happy.

Is there an ideal of a good mother, and what is it? Interest Ask. But the most interesting thing is that most mothers do not correspond to this very ideal, since, first of all, they are living people. As a result, we sometimes lament that we are bad mothers. But what should a good mother be like? And what does it mean to be a good mother, what do you need to do for this? Read about it below.

Each of us has our shortcomings - this must be recognized. But is it really that bad? Why do most people consider supermom to be a deity with superpowers and the same abilities? All mothers are made of flesh and blood. It’s just not clear why some can raise smart, caring and independent children, while others can raise spineless, downtrodden and cruel ones. Although a big role is still given to the natural inclinations of the child himself. After all, we receive 80% of our character from birth, and 20% is adjusted by our parents in the process of upbringing. But making adjustments is sometimes very difficult and not all parents succeed, although not many are eager to do this, releasing everything on the brakes. Often, nature can simply take its course and no amount of effort or special approaches can help change what is inherent in a child from birth. There are many such cases. A mother can fight the child’s shortcomings, put her whole soul into him, forgetting about herself, but he will still grow up and become a criminal or an alcoholic who drinks everything he has and ends up under the fence. Is it worth it, then, to strive to become an ideal mother? We present to your attention some tips that will help you correctly assess yourself and your strengths, understand your own child and enjoy motherhood.

1. We are all living people with the right to make mistakes.

Imagine the situation: you yelled at your child for no reason, realized this and are very worried that your child will not forgive you. You reproach yourself and are ready to do this endlessly, thinking that you are a bad mother. But you must understand one simple thing - you are just a simple person. You have your own problems, internal outbursts of emotions and breakdowns. Believe me, your own child understands and accepts this. He needs a mother of flesh and blood, not a perfect robot. Of course, taking it out on a child is bad and undesirable. But do you repent of what you did? Then let your child know this, let him know that you admitted your mistake. Apologize. Do not repent, do not beg for a request, but simply sincerely explain that it is difficult for you and you will try not to do this again. Even the smallest child will appreciate a heart-to-heart conversation. What happened cannot be changed. Every person makes mistakes and has the right to make them, since it is from mistakes that we learn. The main thing is to draw conclusions and not repeat your mistakes, and, if possible, correct those already made.

2. Do you want to escape to the ends of the earth? This is fine

Is your baby restless, disobedient and constantly sick? Are you exhausted trying to change the situation for the better? Does this make things worse? You think that the child is crying to spite you, does not listen in spite of you, and also gets sick in order to torment you. You are constantly visited by thoughts that you will never become a good mother, and you no longer understand what this really means. You dream of escaping to the ends of the world, only until you are given such an opportunity. All your feelings and experiences are normal. You are an ordinary person who can feel, be offended and blame yourself and others for what is happening.
Do not believe those who say that you cannot be offended by a child. If you don’t do this, then he won’t learn to ask for forgiveness and understand that he can hurt people, then a little monster will grow out of him. You can also get tired of children, because it’s really hard with them. Accept yourself for who you are and then you will feel better, tension and irritation will subside, and pain will go away. Even the most ideal mothers sometimes feel helpless, tired and overwhelmed. The main thing is not to prolong this state, so that you do not consider the child a burden and an obstacle on the way to a calm and happy life. This should not happen to any mother.

3. You are not a sorceress

Let's imagine that you work from morning to night, so you physically cannot afford to devote as much time to your child as housewives do. Deal with it. You cannot set aside half a day to walk outside with your child and another half a day to read books. A working mother must work first and foremost, and nothing can be done about it, which is why it is much harder for her. The same attitude should be taken when constantly carrying a child in your arms if he cries. You are not omnipotent, and the child is not a piece of fluff. Sometimes you simply physically cannot do what you want. We repeat: you need to humble yourself and direct your efforts to what you can do.

4. Don't get angry

There are times when mom feels like a hot frying pan. Does your child disobey, says and does nasty things, refuses to help around the house and constantly demands your attention? This will throw anyone off balance. It is clear that you will not smile in this situation and pretend that everything is in order. You can be angry, the main thing is not to let your anger get out of control. It is one thing to be angry with a child, another thing to show open aggression towards him. No matter what feelings overwhelm you, do not keep anger to yourself, explain to your child that he is hurting you, making you unpleasant and thereby driving you crazy. Explain to your offspring what exactly he is doing wrong and what he should do so that you do not get angry. Don’t pretend to be kind, hiding your aggression, otherwise the negativity inside you will accumulate and burst out in a huge flame that will burn both you and your baby, which may come as a shock to him. How do you think a baby will react to an always kind mother who breathes fire like a dragon and hisses and bites like a snake? Do not allow this under any circumstances!!!

5. The desire to take time for yourself is natural!

Motherhood is not a death sentence. You should not turn into a slave, subject to the whims of others and without your own freedom. Do not renounce yourself for the sake of the child, do not dissolve in the family hearth completely and completely, since in the end this will not lead to anything good. Children will grow up and begin an independent life, and you will realize that you don’t have yours. Therefore, do not stop communicating with friends, learn foreign languages, go to a sports club or dance classes. Learn, improve, in general, continue to live! If you remember yourself, then those around you will never forget you.

6. Don’t make your child’s life a complete entertainment.

If you spend all day with your child, forgetting about your needs, playing with him at his level, without trying to bring him up to yours, then you will gradually turn into a favorite toy, not a mother. Games are very useful for a child’s development, but not continuous. The baby can also benefit from spending time on his own. The constant presence of the mother turns the child into a helpless creature. Don’t play with your child all day long, if only because he, just like you, gets tired of these games and needs rest or communication with his grandparents, and, in the end, with himself. Give yourself and your baby more rest. Rarer games will become even more interesting and exciting. You should not pamper your child with 24/7 attention. Constantly being with your child does not mean being a good mother. A real mother should know the limits of affection and attention, since moderation is always needed in everything.

You can either write your own.

Being a good mother is, in general, a normal desire of any woman. True, the criteria for “goodness” in each family are very vague. What suits one mother and her child may not suit another. How to relate to other people's advice and how to become self-sufficient and happy?

What is the ideal?

A good mother never gets annoyed with her child and never yells at him, much less spanks him;
she is ready to sit for hours with her child and sculpt, draw, lay out patterns from cereals;
she takes the child to various developmental activities (in order to develop everything that can be developed: brain, knowledge, muscles, willpower and character);
she is aware of everything that happens in the child’s life;
she always smiles and is ready to help at any moment;
her child never gets sick, because a caring mother prevents any diseases on all fronts;
she doesn’t go shopping or sit for hours with her friends chatting empty-handedly;
her child is always neatly dressed and combed, he is not rude to anyone and is polite to everyone, his mother does not have to blush because of him;
and she invariably prepares healthy, proper food, which the child always eats without talking, and everything in her house sparkles and shines with cleanliness. It seems everything...

“From a social point of view, the ideal is the right mother, who must sacrifice herself to the children, but demand from them obedience, politeness and make sure that they certainly please everyone around them and certainly achieve success,” sums up Irina Mlodik, a child psychologist. representative of the Interregional Association of Psychological Practitioners “Simply Together”. At the same time, it would be nice if the mother still had time to develop herself and was interesting to her husband.

The question arises whether the ideal woman has time for her own desires and needs. And in general, does she have the right to her own life?

Psychologists are sure that it is best for both a woman and her loved ones if she has the opportunity and need to realize her desires and dreams. A child needs a happy mother, not one who is tortured by work, children and a husband. However, in life sometimes things are different. Becoming a mother, a woman seems to be deprived of her right to life - personal desires, plans. But besides this, the mother is immediately bombarded with a barrage of advice on raising, teaching and feeding the child from all sides. “You have to do this...”, “You have to...” - she hears either from the neighbor next door, or from the doctor at the clinic, or from her mother-in-law or her own mother. And many women try to take all this “wise advice” into account. But is it worth following them so diligently?

“Such phrases are often uttered not at all out of good intentions,” says psychologist Irina Mlodik. “Underneath them, oddly enough, lies not the desire to help the mother or child, but the desire to compete with her - that is, to show that the adviser knows much more about education children in general and about this particular child in particular. It is important for mothers (and fathers too) to understand that following other people's advice means giving up your parental power to another person. And in this case, it will be very difficult to learn to be a parent. You can listen to advisers, but "It's still up to the parents themselves to decide. It's impossible to learn something from someone else's mind and someone else's experience. Parenting is something that comes from practice, from your decisions made and implemented."

Why is it sometimes so difficult for parents to live with their own minds? “There can be many reasons for this,” Irina Mlodik answers the question. “They can do this out of anxiety, out of self-doubt. It’s sad that the more parents listen not to themselves and their child, but to other people’s advice, the less confidence they have in yourself. The habit of obeying may also take place here."

Raise yourself or your child?

As a rule, adults consider themselves smart and experienced, while children, in their minds, are stupid fools. That is why parents consider themselves entitled to teach their children about life. And when a mother looks at the world with an unclouded, pure and clear gaze, she evokes condemnation from those around her: “Well, you’re like a child!..” - they say. Meanwhile, psychologists believe that it is precisely this kind of mother – a living mother, with genuine feelings, emotions and reactions – that children need. And for this, a woman and a man must be psychologically ready to become parents.

“Then motherhood will not be endured by a woman as a monstrous, exorbitant burden, accompanied by endless anxiety, painful uncertainty and sacrifice,” says Irina Mlodik. “It would also be nice if motherhood were conscious, that is, a woman could understand her own feelings and be able to mirror feelings "The child is interested in a mother who is interested in his personality, and not just whether he ate well and did his homework."

“I recently read an instructive and at the same time funny parable in a book,” consulting psychologist Vladimir Bogdanov joins our conversation. “A mother brings her son to the sage and asks: “Please tell him that eating sweets is bad, it’s harmful.” The old man replies: “Come to me in two weeks." At the appointed time, the mother again brought her son to the sage and again asked him for the same thing. The old man approached the boy and said: “Don’t eat sweets, it’s very harmful." The mother asked indignantly: “Why couldn’t you say this two weeks ago?!” “Two weeks ago I was still eating sweets myself...” answered the sage. I think it wouldn’t hurt for parents to learn from the experience of this old man. After all, mom and dad are an example role model for any child. Children absorb everything from their environment like a sponge."

And indeed, various scientists have confirmed that children do not perceive words; telling them how to behave, how to live is useless. They still copy their parents from behavior and habits to building their own lives. “When I worked as a psychologist in a kindergarten, I noticed,” Vitaly Dvornikov, consulting psychologist, life coach, spurt trainer, shares his observations, “that if the mother is nervous, then the child also has psychosis, and when everything is calm with the parents, If there is harmony in the soul, then there are no problems with the child."

“I would tell parents: you can raise a child, but he will still be like you,” comments Irina Mlodik. “And therefore, if you want to convey to him healthy models of dealing with himself, with others and with the world, implement it yourself ".

So before you demand pathological honesty from a child, think about whether you always tell the truth yourself. If you want to ask your son or daughter to be patient a little longer while standing in line at the post office, remember your mood after an hour spent in traffic. By the way, many psychologists advise using “I statements” more often when communicating with a child. Then it turns out that you do not give the child any assessments (“he ate poorly”, “behaved well”, “clever”, “dumb”), but speak exclusively about your feelings (“I was offended to see this”, “I’m glad that you coped”, “I understand your feelings in this situation”). According to psychologists, this type of speech is very effective in establishing a dialogue with your beloved child.

“As practice shows, if a person doesn’t like anything in his life, in the behavior of the people around him, including his own child,” says Vitaly Dvornikov, “it means he needs to change something in himself. It’s difficult, but the result is not will make you wait."

And why are these parents needed?

My interlocutor, five-year-old Ksyusha Pichugina, gave a typical answer for kids: “Mom and dad are needed to raise the child. And for this they must feed him.” An older child, of course, will name much more “functions” of parents. But here are the symbolic “responsibilities” that psychologists especially highlight.

“Mom feeds, cares, certainly (it would be very desirable) accepts, notices, is interested in, helps and teaches how to deal with one’s feelings, teaches one to understand oneself and other people, creates warmth and comfort and is herself an interesting person whom one wants to “reach out for.” ", reflects Irina Mlodik. “Yes, mom is also in a wonderful relationship with dad, which shows the model of life in a happy couple. Dad protects, teaches to protect and defend himself, sets boundaries for the child, teaches him to put chaos into order (in his thoughts, in life, in the room), helps to grow, develop, mature, helps plan the future, expands the child’s world by telling, showing, opening. Dad is the one you can rely on, who loves mom child, transmits and receives respect to all family members. The one who, through his realization and success, helps the child also become successful in life." This, of course, is ideal...