How to start secret communication with a man. How to properly communicate with a man. Do not show him your strong interest
Questions about how to talk to a man so that he at least understands something or at least does not fall silent for an incomprehensible reason appear in letters with enviable regularity. Although I have already written about this repeatedly, but nevertheless, I will gradually add new tricks and details.
One of the main features of men compared to women is that men are more action-oriented, while women are more communication-oriented. Because of this small difference, a lot of conflicts and grievances arise, both on the one hand and on the other.
But if closer to the topic, then the meaning is this.
A man perceives a woman's actions much better than words.. (Sometimes he does not perceive words at all, but only actions).
As always, I ask you not to bring to the point of absurdity. Of course, a man understands both the actions and words of a woman. Therefore, talking to a man is just as useful. I want to say that he perceives words much, much worse, and actions are much, much better than a woman thinks.
Let me give you a little analogy for better understanding.
For example, you have a baby in front of you. If he starts crying, then it will never occur to anyone that you need to lecture a child in the form: “Stop crying immediately, my head hurts.”
Even the most notational people in this situation begin to do something. For example, they think that they need to shake the baby, feed it, change it, call a doctor, etc.
And even when the child grows up a little, the actions of the parents far outweigh the words. For example, if a child is naughty, then they can simply take him by the hands and take him out of the store, where he liked some kind of too expensive toy, you can put him in a corner, if he doesn’t obey, you can feed, stroke, shake, give or take some toys, etc.
But if you go back to men, then you probably heard the phrase: “ Men are like little children. Usually this phrase is used when women see with what childish interest and screams men play new computer games, watch new toys for men (like a car, winning business, etc.).
But if you understand that men are in many ways like little children, not only when they get a new toy (although some have learned to behave almost like adults), then talking to them will become much easier and easier for you.
Men play in the sandbox of life, and women look after them. In this sandbox, men can destroy the sand cities created by them or their neighbor, fight for toys, do some meaningless things like throwing sand, which then falls on his head.
Then, when a man has played enough, he will want to show a woman the sand castles he built or his torn pants - it doesn’t matter anymore. And if you need something from a man when he is playing in the sandbox, it is often easier not to say it, but to go up and take the toy from him, take him out of the sandbox, or even give him a slap on the back of the head.
Now what exactly and how to do it?
First, think about what you have already done or are doing from deeds, and not from words, when a man understood you well.
Maybe you have already used consciously or accidentally some actions with the help of which you convinced a man in a couple of minutes that you could not do even a week of talking?
I don't know what you had, but almost every couple finds something that helps them interact. Maybe there are some actions that a man asks you to do?
Remember (write down) what works and repeat it in your life more often.
For example, if you need something from a man, then you already know that he 
you need to pre-feed (not overfeed), put him in some kind of chair so that he cannot run back and forth, promise that after the conversation you will let him play his favorite toy (computer, read a newspaper, etc.).
These actions of yours can mean much more for the success of persuasion than all your words put together twice (I'm serious).
Remember these “little things” and it will be easier for you to communicate and live with a man at times.
Some girls literally try to reach out to a man, for example, with a fist on the back or shoulder. And it turns out well. For example, a girl says: “Stop doing this, I feel bad” and at the same time knocks him on the shoulder with her fist. Sometimes it works well.
Second, keep it simple.
Women sometimes talk to men as if they really think they understand them. That is, they are trying to convey to them the range of their female emotions and thoughts.
However, unlike women, men are unable to perceive more than one thought at a time.
With emotions in men, everything is more complicated. Do not think, men have not one, but two whole emotions. The first emotion is when it's good. Everything that is good, if possible, I want to continue or repeat after a while.
The second emotion is pain. If a man is in pain (whether in body or psychologically), he wants to stop it.
The man has no more emotions :)
Therefore, the iron rule of communicating with a man is to use no more than one thought and two emotions in a conversation.
That is, if you need something from a man, then make it as easy as possible. Select one thought from the variety that you have, concretize it, repeat several times in different words. Bring the whole gamut of emotions that you experience into two emotions. That is, you are bad or good, he is bad or good. (Or he will feel bad or good if he does something wrong).
If you have an ordinary, average man, then you will be very surprised how much more productive your communication will become.
Third, if you're asking, take a HUGE pause.
Often I hear a woman ask something from a man, and after the man is silent for an eternity, the woman begins to speak further herself.
But the man is not silent, he THINKS. Of course, you can object to me something like this. How can you think about the answer to the question: “What color of wallpaper do you like?” or “How do you feel about me” for more than five seconds? After all, these are elementary questions, such as: “What is twice two” or “Where is your right hand, and where is your left?”.
It may seem strange to you, but a man does not know the answers to these seemingly simple questions.. In order to answer them, he is forced to turn inward, as if into a "long memory". Approximately the same if you were asked, who performed at the concert on TV, which was about 10 years ago?
Your first reaction, most likely, will be a question to the question: “Why do we need such nonsense”? That's how a man thinks. Why do you need an answer to such a stupid question as the color of the wallpaper or the question of what he feels. And now 5 minutes pass, and the man still does not think about the essence of the issue, but thinks why he was asked about such nonsense.
After asking about the concert, you would probably begin to sort through the events associated with it 10 years ago in your memory. Remember where you were sitting and with whom, what program was on TV, who spoke there and, perhaps, in the end, you would have found the answer to this question, which is not very clear for what.
The same way a man thinks. First, a man thinks why you need an answer to this question, which is not clear why you need it. However, if you insist or just wait, then he starts to sort through his memory and think about the answer. It takes a lot of time, of course.
It is only a woman who can answer the question of what color she likes wallpaper or what feelings she has for a man in a few seconds. This is because she has already pondered these life-important questions. She has already looked after wallpapers in stores and magazines, paid attention to them when she went to visit friends, went to the store in passing, and so on. The same goes for feelings for a man.
Therefore, the question of wallpaper does not cause any difficulties for her and, naturally, she does not understand a man who is thinking about the answer.
And here a woman often makes a mistake. She thinks that if she needs 2 seconds to answer a similar question, then a man also needs 2 seconds, well, maybe 3-4, given that this is a man. And if a man is silent for a long time in response to an elementary question, then you can answer it yourself and continue the conversation.
Do not do that! Be patient, or rather, even a lot of patience and wait for the answer to your question, even if this answer is not exactly what you expect. (“Well, nothing,” in response to a question about the color of the wallpaper and “I feel good with you” in response to a question about his feelings for him). If you have patience, then after some time a man will definitely learn to talk about his feelings.
I repeat once again, do not interrupt the man, and when he began to say something, then ask further and clarify. If you constantly interrupt your partner (and if you have this habit, then you will do it all the time) when you ask about his feelings, etc., then:
- A man will stop trying in his “long memory”, stop trying to express his not quite formed feelings in words, albeit not always successful.
- A man will be irritated with a woman. Indeed, in this case, he thinks something like this: “Why ask if you don’t want to hear the answer to your question.” After all, you yourself are probably not very happy when you are interrupted. Men are even less “happy” with this than women. If this is repeated regularly, then at some point it will turn out that when you say that you have a little question for him, the man will run away :)
- The woman herself will gradually become more and more dissatisfied with a man who does not feel anything and, at any hint about this conversation, moves away from her. It is clear that if a man does not improve at least a little his ability to speak the language of women, then he partially loses his value for a woman.
Fourth. The man offers something. You don't have to react right away..
This next and seemingly elementary rule of communication with men is also often violated. 
Unfortunately, men are not inclined to go to their goals in the simplest and most understandable ways. They like to complicate things very much, and then solve the problems they have created with great effort.
A woman often sees that some plan of a man will certainly not lead to success. She can often suggest an easier path to success, without spending too much time and effort.
Therefore, such a situation often occurs when a man offers something, and a woman here says, no, this will not work.
Not always, but quite often - this is a mistake.
Why is that? Why, if a woman sees that a man's plans are unrealistic or can be implemented in a much simpler way, then it is not always necessary to talk about this?
First, a man sees in a woman the person who will support him.. This is usually what a man expects from a woman. It is not clear where he got such expectations from, maybe you never promised him anything like that, but he will still expect support from you, not criticism.
If a loved one constantly criticizes his plans, then the relationship will suffer greatly from this. Sometimes it's even better if your partner succeeds less or fails altogether than if he receives a dose of wise advice from you and succeeds.
Secondly, men usually have a large pile of plans, and at best one out of ten comes to implementation..
If one out of ten plans reaches implementation, then what is the point of criticizing or discussing a plan, if it is not at all clear whether it will reach implementation? If the plan is frankly a failure, then often the lack of support from you is enough for it not to come to fruition. Sometimes a man himself, after a while, begins to understand that some plan is unrealistic.
Thirdly, as I have already said, men are not inclined to go to goals by direct and simple roads.
Therefore, it is very difficult to say why he needs a project. For example, in my life there was not a single project that completely failed, if judged straightforwardly only by its direct results. However, it happened that in such cases I made friends, sometimes acquired some extremely useful skills, sometimes such qualities as caution and adequate self-esteem, etc.
Therefore, it does not always make sense to keep a man from failed projects, especially if the potential negative consequences are small.
Fourth, it is possible that you can also be wrong.
Women are less likely to make mistakes than men when they evaluate the prospects of some business. In men, at the time when they see the prospects for the realization of something interesting or monetary, quite often the brain area responsible for adequate self-esteem, criticality and caution, etc. is completely turned off. (of course, so do I).
However, it is possible that you can also be wrong.
Again, I do not want my words to turn into absurdity. If a man wants to borrow a lot of money for his goals, which in case of failure it will be very difficult for you to give back, if these plans carry a risk for relationships, family, health, etc., then a woman should be actively involved, including in their criticism. If a man asks not for support, but for your opinion about his plan, including criticism, then you can and should also speak out.
Fifth. Tell the man directly about what is important to you and what you need from him..
Based on this article, I would not like you to get the impression that you need to be soft with a man, that you don’t do this, then you don’t do it, and he needs to wipe his snot almost.
Not at all, that's not what I was looking for. Here is a fairly typical question from a letter to me: “My man, with whom we do not have a very long relationship, tries to dictate to me how to behave, constantly criticizes. How can I tell him to stop doing this??
And then I have a counter question. Why do you need to say it right? Apparently, it is assumed that a man is some kind of priceless and very fragile vase made of Chinese porcelain, made by the great 
master Chin-Chu in the 12th century and, accordingly, you need to handle the man very carefully.
However, men are not a porcelain vase. In some areas, it is really better for a woman to be correct in relation to a man (intimate relationships, a man's hobbies, and the like). I wrote in detail about how to achieve self-respect in a book. “19 mistakes with men. How to make him respect and love you- read.
If we are talking about something that relates directly to the woman herself, to her life, directly affects her interests, then there is no need to try to do anything correctly. Talk directly about what does not suit you and what you need from a man. Do not be afraid to insist on your own, repeat several times, say it without excessive politeness and loudly enough (loudly - this is not hysteria).
Quite often there is such a situation when a woman believes that she should be silent about her interests and endure what a man does. However, irritation gradually accumulates and first comes to girlfriends in the form of constant complaints about living together with a man, and then it happens that even after 10 years a woman explodes from accumulated anger and divorces a man. The wording is approximately as follows: “Well, how much can you endure,” and then follow a dozen examples of what she endured for several months or years from an ungrateful to ... but.
A man in such a situation, as a rule, does not even really suspect that so much irritation is accumulating in a woman. Often his words in such a situation sound something like this: “We lived for 10 years and everything suited us, but here ... (some reason is given). Didn't understand what happened? Why were you silent before? Who did I live with?
Don't let this happen. A man does not know what you need, and even if he does, he does not think that it is so important for you. Talk directly about what you need, do not be afraid to offend or offend him. If you need a man to stop dictating what to do, then just say to him directly: “Dear .... You got me with your nitpicking. Do this, do that. And you asked me first, do I want to do it or not? So, I do not want to do this and I will not. And whoever doesn’t like it, the door is over there, and I’ll help pack the suitcases.”
Believe that men do not understand hints, they do not understand what is already obvious, they do not understand examples and analogies, and, moreover, they do not understand softness and correctness.
Directly and in the forehead, even rudely, that's the strategy for communicating with men. If you went too far, then you can apologize later.
Sincerely, Rashid Kirranov.
Communication with a manMany of us have noticed that a dialogue with a man quite often smoothly turns into his monologue. Of course, this is not particularly pleasant for us, and here we are not alone. Ludwig Feuerbach, for example, believed that no single individual carries the essence of humanity in himself; only society can do this. Friedrich Nietzsche added: “Each one is always wrong. Only in relation to two does the truth begin. Martin Buber called his philosophy "Dialogue", believing that the spiritual life of close people is possible only in their communication. The monologue turns the "other" into a kind of thing, object.
Conversations filled with love carry agreement and a serious perception of the differences between the interlocutors. Often, when talking, men are inclined, without listening to the interlocutor to the end, to object to him, not having time to "enter his world." However, the point of view can be formulated only by comparing "one's own world" and "the world of another", on the basis of their similarities and differences. Perhaps men feel so inattentively out of fear of “entering” the world of another to become like an interlocutor, to lose themselves, dissolving in another.
The way men carry on a conversation is largely determined by the role expectations that permeate relationships between people. Male and female "roles" are quite often rigidly established: in a conversation, a man must be active and firmly stand his ground. A woman should speak softly, motherly self-denial. A man is "required" to convince, prove, compete and win. He must in any situation remain rational, unshakable, dynamic and not very impressionable. Men often assume that listening is being passive. And further. In childhood, the need to listen to someone most often results in listening to instructions and reprimands. That is, to listen means to be guilty, bad in something, to be punished for this and to be humiliated. The little boy is too rarely asked how he feels. Growing up, he simply does not speak the language that would allow him to express his feelings and sensations.
Mistakes in communicating with men
Many women, on the contrary, listen not only to what a man says, but also to what he would like to say, but for some reason cannot. The woman asks herself: “What is bothering him now? Who is he angry with? Maybe he's afraid of something? Psychologists say that after meeting and communicating with a man, women often know better than their interlocutors what was discussed.Researchers identify typical features of the male manner of talking. Here are some of them.
Men tend not to talk about their own weaknesses, mistakes, feelings; never complain yourself and never comfort anyone. He is pleased to talk about his successes and be smart. His speech is not alien to the instructive and instructive tone. A man does not like to ask, it is more pleasant for him to assert something. And if he does not know something, then he will be able to find out about everything himself, without outside help.
A man prefers to show that he is always busy with something, even if it seems to others that he is not doing anything. (He does not like to be disturbed by empty talk). It is unpleasant for a man when he is criticized a lot. Better he will criticize himself with exaggerated ruthlessness (perhaps so that others do not do this). A man runs from serious conversations to football, to a pub, to a car, to a bathhouse, goes into chatter with friends about politics, “rescues himself” with alcohol. In a conversation with a woman, a man often speaks louder than his interlocutor, interrupting her, or is silent, not answering her questions.
But it would be unfair to blame men for their inability to carry on a conversation and praise women for their talent for communication. Categoricalness here (as elsewhere!) is completely inappropriate. One can only speak of a general "Male" or "Female" tendency to carry on a conversation. But in general, we all very often lack the ability to communicate, knowledge of the rules that increase the effectiveness of interaction between people.
Rules for communicating with men
So, I want to offer a few rules of communication that can do good service not only to men.The first and basic rule was formulated many centuries ago: “The main person in the world is the one in front of you!”
If an Interlocutor appeared in front of you, two people should remain for you in the entire Cosmos - he and you, and He is in the center.
It is necessary, at least, to try to please the interlocutor, and when this happens, do not hide it, but give him, without stint, signs of attention.
Style, manners of communication - the more in this we have similarities with the interlocutor (up to the pace of speech, intonation and timbre of the voice), the better.
Each of us has our own music. Its melody and tone tend to change from situation to situation. But what will happen if, without hearing the melody of the interlocutor, we lead our own? Therefore, before you start to sound yourself, it is better to listen to the tone of the interlocutor. You need to feel what excites him.
What excites our interlocutor should excite us. We must understand and share his experiences.
In a conversation, it is very important not to escalate tension. You need to look at the color of each word and throw away all dirty, poisonous, fighting ones. Why do we pollute the space between people?
Incorrect, angry and aggressive statements, even if not directed at the interlocutor, still create tension. Therefore, one should try not to speak ill of anyone.
It is hardly worth overusing the words: “Everything, no one, always, never, everywhere, nowhere ...” We must try to speak more accurately: “Who and when.”
Naturally, there should be certainty in speech, but it should not be confused with harshness and categoricalness, often very vague in content.
But will we like communication, in which the interlocutor always climbs on a pedestal, and shoves you into a dirty puddle? It is justified to build communication “on an equal footing” because it is precisely such communication that our interlocutors expect from us. But it may turn out to be in conflict with the boss, if he is confident in his position from above and is waiting for an extension, albeit small, but still from below.
It is important not to hurt what is dear to a person: the people of his circle, his hobbies, ideals and values.
At the heart of many misunderstandings lies the fact that men and women perceive the purpose of the conversation differently. For a man, conversation is the transfer of information, and for a woman it is a way of communication: to say something means to show participation, and to listen means to show interest and care. For women who are used to expressing any of their opinions or thoughts, saying nothing means not thinking anything. But men do not at all consider that any thought that flashed through their heads should be expressed. If it is natural for a woman to express her thoughts, then it is natural for a man not to pay attention to them. Throughout their lives, women have been thinking aloud, communicating with loved ones, all their lives men have not expressed their thoughts aloud and kept them to themselves.
Women's tricks in communicating with men
But the fact is that men and women talk differently and about different things, they often have different ideas about what is important and when exactly it is necessary to start a conversation on important topics. Conversation for most women is primarily communication, the exchange of emotions and a way to express affection for the interlocutor. The main thing is to find common points of view based on life experience. The girl spends all her free time with her best friend, their friendship is based on unlimited communication. The girl appreciates in her friend the opportunity to share her innermost desires with her, without being afraid to seem stupid or ridiculous. For many men, conversation is primarily a way to maintain their independence, strengthen and define their social position. This is achieved by demonstrating one's knowledge and intelligence, or by the ability to be in the spotlight through various stories, anecdotes, political news, etc. From childhood, boys learn to use communication as a way to attract attention and ultimately realize their abilities.In a conversation, men prove their point of view using objective arguments, what is right and wrong, and women argue their opinion based on personal experience or the experience of their friends.
Some myths about men
With the development of modern television, technology, the Internet, etc. many women began to crawl more and more into the network of various myths, from which illusions are then built and wrong images or comparisons are born. One of these myths, or rather several myths, are the prevailing and not always true stereotypes about men. In this article we will try to dispel some of them, which cannot be attributed to all representatives of the strong half of humanity.The first myth sounds like: "All men need only one thing." And this is the first female delusion. The dissemination of such myths through television or fashionable glossy magazines is mainly carried out by women who, for one reason or another, could not arrange their own personal lives. Very often, men have quite serious intentions when they get acquainted with a girl they like, they are pleased to communicate, her manners are pleasant, and the thought of how to get her into bed as soon as possible does not play in their thoughts. No, this misconception is common and wrong.
The second myth goes like a well-known saying: "The way to a man's heart lies through his, right, stomach!" And this circumstance also cannot be equated to all men. If you want to sit on his neck, then you can’t think of a better option, otherwise, it’s best to look for an individual approach in specific conditions.
The third myth says that men do not cry, but only get upset, and this is perhaps the main misconception of modern women. You should start with the fact that upset and cry, in principle, are identical words, which means that in certain situations a man may well cry, naturally, that he will try to do it alone and not show it in public. Men cry, and sometimes even do it like children, simply imposed stereotypes often make them hold back resentment or anger, which, by the way, does not have a very positive effect on their physical and moral health.
The fourth myth is the opinion that for a man, gatherings with friends are akin to a holy event, and here it is worth making a reservation. Indeed, very often a man runs away to his friends from everyday problems, mainly in his personal life, who else but they will be able to listen and understand him, drinking a liter of another good beer?
And finally, it is worth taking off the rose-colored glasses for those girls who believe that real men are exceptionally financially successful. No, this is not always the case, because "tough guys" are known to give women the most trouble, and what then is their masculinity?
Based on hundreds of studies, scientists have long proven that men and women look very little alike. They think differently, look at the world from different angles. However, people in their daily communication do not take these facts into account at all, and it is enough to learn how to communicate correctly and dignifiedly with men in order to avoid many small and large troubles.
Psychology and gender relations is a complex and subtle science. But her granite is worth tasting to build a lasting and even relationship.
Two equal halves
Strong and long-term relationships arise only between equal partners. Of course, you can pose as much as you like as a sweet little fool, whom men supposedly love so much, but it is unlikely that you will be able to achieve respect for yourself in such a role. And without respect, it is impossible to count on the fact that they will listen to you, take into account your opinion, take care of peace of mind.
Therefore, the first step is to work on yourself, you need to set yourself up correctly. In fact, the psychology is simple: yes, appearance, attractiveness, beauty are important for the stronger sex, but a smart self-sufficient person does not want to spend his whole life with an empty and uninteresting woman.
We keep our nerves in check
Women are by nature very emotional. Men, on the other hand, are not particularly inclined to pour out their worries on others. Such is their psychology.
A woman upset or worried about something often screams, swears, breaks down on others. However, it is unlikely that she will be able to convey to the man in this way the idea that she needs help or just support, that he needs to somehow change his behavior, and so on.
The strong sex is not able to draw anything constructive from a prolonged hysteria. For him, this is just a frightening irritant that arose from nowhere and it is not clear what to do with it. Perhaps an urgent escape is the only thing that will come to his mind.
So, if there is a desire to achieve something from a man and keep peace in the family, you must behave correctly. No, this does not mean giving up your own feelings, but it is necessary to splash them out wisely. It is better for a man to explain everything sensibly - the return will not keep you waiting.
A man has thoughts and feelings too
Men's psychology differs from women's in many other ways. Most of the fairer sex consider the stronger sex to be completely insensitive and hardly able to concentrate on important things. In fact, this is definitely not true. How to learn to communicate with men so that they open up and participate in the dialogue? How to build a conversation?First of all, it is necessary to communicate, to push the partner to think about his feelings, views. For example, it is unlikely that you will be able to find out the thoughts of a man by starting a conversation as follows: “I just thought that we could go to the dacha (shop, guests, on vacation).” Why react to this somehow, if the woman has already thought everything over, made a decision? The situation will develop completely differently if you say: “What do you think about…”
Observation is the key to understanding
Any representative of the stronger sex is a complex being, his psychology is a separate science. Unlike a woman, it is quite normal for a man to say one thing and do something completely different. At the same time, he will not notice the difference and will not understand what is wrong. How to understand a man and talk to him correctly in order to get what you need?The key is to be able to observe. Experiencing an emotional upsurge, a man easily makes many promises, which he is then in no hurry to fulfill. This is not because it is harmful or optional. It's just that the emotions subsided, he began to think soberly, he no longer sees the need to rush, to do something immediately. No, he will do everything, but then.
How to do the right thing? Watching a man, you can understand how much he is inclined to make rash promises and how quickly and accurately to fulfill them. Given all these nuances, it will be much easier to build a dialogue. First, it is best to turn the moment of making a promise into the moment of its implementation. If it doesn’t work out, it’s worth recalling how nice it was to hear that a man is ready to do this and that, let him feel that same emotional upsurge again.
The subtleties of a good fight
The best fight is the one that never happened. This rule should always be remembered when there is a desire to sort things out with a man.
The fact is that male psychology is the psychology of a warrior. Whatever it is, the desire to win is genetically inherent in it. Therefore, in a quarrel with the stronger sex, it is impossible to prevail. Even if it is obvious that a woman says everything correctly, nothing will make a man agree with her. Why is this happening?
Everything is simple. At the moment when the conflict begins, the woman ceases to be the weaker sex, turns into an adversary. And the enemy must be defeated at any cost.
How to be? Don't bring things to a confrontation. No aggression, only peaceful discussion. Any issue can be resolved without raised tones.
Conqueror and winner
Yes, a man wants to win, in everything in life he strives to be the first. This is a very important character trait that should not be forgotten if there is a desire to speak with him reasonably and correctly.First of all, a man does not need a woman to solve his problems for him. Or did what he should do himself. The only thing he needs is faith in his strength and support. In the words "I know that you will succeed" there is such a strong magic that the stronger sex literally becomes able to soar over any difficulties.
Common mistakes to deal with immediately
- The habit of thinking out loud. Women are able to keep in mind a huge number of cases that they can talk about at the same time, jumping from one to another. Surprisingly, this helps them organize their thoughts. For a man, this is a terrible psychological attack. In order not to bring them to the state of a nervous tic, it is enough just to immediately warn that there is absolutely no need to follow the mental chain, it is enough just to listen.
- The habit of interrupting. This is unlikely to please anyone, but men are especially susceptible to such impudence. The fact is that they can not immediately listen and speak. They need to complete their thought, then calmly listen to the interlocutor. By the way, the skill to behave in a conversation is useful in any society.
- The habit of hinting. The life of a man should be subject to logic. He sees no logic in hints. As often, he does not observe the goal pursued by a woman with her visits from afar. This either annoys him, or he simply does not pay attention to what is happening. In general, you should speak clearly and clearly. Even an elementary female “you couldn’t” is perceived by a man as a kind of challenge. Of course he can! But whether he will do it is a big question, because in fact he was not asked about it. In addition, a man can see in any hints an attempt to manipulate him - and this is already unacceptable! So you need to manipulate wisely.
- The habit of resentful silence. It seems to a woman that if a man offended her, and she is silent, does not talk to him, then he gradually begins to feel the full depth of his guilt. In fact, everything is completely different. The man enjoys peace and quiet, no one touches him, and after half an hour he completely forgot that there was some kind of conflict. There is only one advice - a woman should express her claims immediately, because only then it makes sense.
Many stupid quarrels, omissions and insults can be avoided quite easily. To do this, you just need to remember that you should not speak to a man in a female language.
Usually, when communicating with a man, women rarely consciously make an effort to be correctly understood, and in vain! In this case, we measure the representatives of the stronger sex according to our own, female, measure, and then make a helpless gesture, desperate to “get through” to our beloved. Why is this happening? Alan and Barbara Pease, authors of the book The Language of Relationships, have the answer to this question. Man and woman".
- 1 Thinking out loud with a man
A woman's mind is programmed to use speech as her primary means of expression. If a man has five or six things to do, he will limit himself to one phrase: “I have something to do, see you later.” A woman, on the other hand, will most likely list all five tasks in random order and mention all the options and possibilities (I have to be there, do this, but if it doesn’t work out, I’ll go to another place, and so on).
Why does this annoy them?
The female search for a solution to the issue, which is “thinking out loud”, is perceived by a man as endless, and most importantly, tedious chatter that should be ignored, or even worse, as a call for help.
Work on mistakes
To stop thinking about problems, there is only one way for a woman - to talk about them. Therefore, when you talk about your affairs, you are not going to transfer the solution of your problems to another and shift your burden onto other people's shoulders. Tell your loved one about this feminine feature. And remember that men's silence does not mean that he "does not care."
- 2 Have a conversation about several things at the same time
The information flow between the left and right hemispheres is more powerful in a woman, and, in addition, there are special areas of the brain responsible for speech: this is why we can talk about several things at the same time - sometimes in one sentence.
Why does this annoy them?Women's versatility terrifies a man, whose brain can only follow one line and process information on only one topic at a time. A woman, on the other hand, may start with one subject, jump to another in the middle of a sentence, and then return to the first without warning, mentioning something completely extraneous along the way. The man is intoxicated and confused.
Work on mistakes
If you want a man to hear and understand you, do not jump from subject to subject. Speak only on one topic that concerns you.
- 3 Interrupt
Men interrupt each other only when they are aggressive or feel competitive. For a woman, on the contrary - the constant supply of remarks means attention to the interlocutor. But our attempts to turn the conversation into a multifaceted conversation in order to impress a man are doomed to failure. The stronger sex perceives them as a gross interference in their speech.
Why does this annoy them?
The phrase of a man is oriented towards a solution, and he needs to bring it to the end, otherwise the conversation will seem meaningless to him. He cannot take multiple lines at different points in a conversation, and he considers anyone who does so to be impolite or lax.
Work on mistakes
Pity the men! They take turns talking because they can either talk or listen - they can't do both. Be lenient and let him say whatever he wants. Just don't interrupt.
- 4 Speak in hints
The conversation "around the bush" is a purely female specialty and serves a specific purpose: with the help of such a conversation it is easier to build relationships and come to an agreement with others, since such speech does not contain aggression, confrontation and disagrees. He is fully responsible for the role of the keeper of the nest, who needs to maintain harmony.
Why does this annoy them?
Men are unnerved by the lack of logic and expediency in the conversation, they accuse women of not knowing what they are talking about.
Work on mistakes
Warn in advance what time and what exactly you want to talk about, what issue to discuss. This approach appeals to the logic of a man, responds to the structure of his brain, allows him to feel his importance and shifts the solution of the problem onto his shoulders.
Do not start questions with “could” or “could”: “Can you” a man interprets as “Are you capable?” And, following this logic, answers “Yes!” - he can, but these words for him are not connected with a specific action.
In addition, with such a formulation of the question, the man gets the impression that he is being manipulated, forcing him to say “yes” by deception.
To encourage a man to act, ask in a different form, for example: “Will you call me tonight?”, meaning asking if he is busy tonight. The man will answer yes or no. It is better for you to get a “no” to your question and know how the evening will go than to hear “yes” for every “could” and be left in uncertainty. A man proposing to a woman will always say, "Will you marry me?" but never "Would you marry me?"
- 5 Expressing hurt by silence
Women use words to show concern and build relationships, and so words are a kind of reward for us. Men are arranged differently and rarely take seriously the "terrible female threat" - "I will stop talking to you."
Why does this annoy them?
And who said that a man is annoying? Such a threat is a great opportunity for him to take a break from chatter. He perceives at least the first nine minutes of your silence as an unexpected bonus in the form of silence, peace and tranquility.
Work on mistakes
Do not rush to open your mouth and say something before this time is up, no matter how much you want to, otherwise the man will not feel punished.
Instruction
Rule 1. The purpose of the conversation is an important point for a man
What is the main mistake of women? They, as a rule, speak vaguely, extensively ... In other words, they come from afar! And this is quite understandable, because the female half is more attracted to the process itself. For a man, there should be a reference point in the conversation, a clearly formulated problem or goal. You should not start a dialogue with the phrase: "Let's talk about us ...". The man most likely will not show interest in the conversation, or this “interest” will last for a few minutes. At worst, he will start arguing or postpone the conversation altogether. If you often practice "vagueness", then a man will no longer take his companion seriously and will lose interest.
Solution
The introduction to the conversation should be short and specific. A woman should immediately voice what she expects from the conversation and from her companion. Questions must be clear. For example: “I care about your opinion, dear. What do you think are the strengths and weaknesses of our relationship with you?” All hints and “wiggles” should be excluded from the dialogue.
Rule 2. Men think silently
Women and men are wired differently. And this is a known fact. If women think aloud, think about something, express their complaints and experiences, then men are the opposite. They carry everything in themselves and rarely open this “suitcase”. In addition, they are annoyed by the daily female monologues about problems that they can handle on their own. Under such pressure, the partner can become nervous and quick-tempered, and the relationship will crack.
Solution
A woman should add a weighty spoonful of meaning to the barrel of gender misunderstanding. She should explain that "thinking out loud" is very important to her, that this way you can relieve tension and find a solution faster, and just emotional support is required from a man. But don't be intrusive. For such conversations, the right time and the desire of the companion are important.
Rule 3. Men find it difficult to express feelings.
Often women accuse their men of insensitivity, inability to express emotions. And that's mistake number three. A man in this situation can "fall into silence." Because from constant claims and reproaches, he will simply not be interested in maintaining a conversation with a woman, he will begin to “suffer quietly” from misunderstanding, will be angry, annoyed, accuse his companion of being overly emotional and, in the end, will leave.
Solution
A constructive conversation is much more pleasant and beneficial for both parties. What is the point of bringing down an avalanche of emotions on a partner and waiting for a calm, understanding answer at the same time? If a man is restrained, it does not mean that he is inhibited. Perhaps he needs time to express himself. Don't rush him into it.
