First meeting with his mother. Getting to know your boyfriend's parents for the first time: our tips that will undoubtedly come in handy on this difficult day

Julia Lanske

love coach, expert in finding the perfect couple

Your man has already heard a little about your childhood, made sure of your excellent upbringing - and, perhaps, is already a little “warmed up” to meet those people who were directly involved in this. Not far off is the hour when your man will have to be introduced to your parents.

Everyone is worried - absolutely everyone!

This general trepidation is quite understandable. You worry that your parents will like him, and he - them. He hopes not to blunder and earn their approval. And your parents sleep and see that he was worthy to be called your spouse for the rest of his life.

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And although several people and parties are involved in the dating process, most of the responsibility will fall on your fragile female shoulders. Thanks to my advice and tips, my students overcome this "test of relatives" with brilliance. In this article, you will learn all the subtleties of preparing for such an important stage in a relationship. Go!

How to Prepare Your Parents to Meet Your Chosen One

Parents love their children in different ways. If you have a close relationship with your parents, this does not mean that they will always listen to your opinion or approve of the choice. And you should not be 100% sure right away that they will accept your man as their own.

Sometimes parents, with their good intentions, act destructively on the relationship of children. Therefore, prepare the ground for the upcoming event in advance. Tell us about your chosen one, how wonderful he treats you, focus on his merits, merits, achievements.

Also, in order to protect yourself and the man from unpredictability, explain to your parents in advance that you should not:

to tell the whole ins and outs of the family - the roots and crown of the family tree can turn out to be quite “branchy”, and this will lead the conversation into a dull direction, distracting from acquaintance;
telling a man about your former relationship - it would seem that comments are superfluous here, but no, no, yes, and phrases like “oh, what a man was and what sweets he always brought” slip into his mother’s speech;
to arrange an interrogation with predilection from an acquaintance - shooting a potential groom with questions about salary, plans for the future and the number of children can make the first meeting the last.

Make your parents your allies. Let them share your "trump cards" - tell the pleasant moments of your life: what a smart girl you are, a hostess, a caring daughter, how diligently you studied at school and confidently walked towards your career. Any little thing, up to how houseplants come to life and bloom next to you, will work.

I can't help but warn you that unwanted themes, like sunspots, can still arise. Get ready to wisely “catch” them without hitting anyone.

How to set a man to get closer to your relatives

Do you think it's so exciting to introduce your parents to your beloved? I assure you, for men, this stress is a million times stronger. It's just that, being less emotional than us women, they don't show their excitement as clearly.

For a man, the first meeting with his woman's parents is akin to an interview, an interrogation, a court hearing, whatever. He may feel as if he would jump from Niagara Falls with less effort than shaking hands with your father for the first time! Even if you are sure that your parents will approve of him (and, as I said above, this can be a mistake), remember that he so wants to make the best impression on them. Therefore, your task is to do everything possible (and not very) so that your family is as hospitable as possible, and the man can relax and feel at ease.

The main reason for a man's excitement is that when he courts you, he shows his ardor - this is one side of the relationship. Communication with relatives is another facet, where he needs to show himself from a different, unusual side (so get ready that you will see new facets in a man you know well).

At a meeting with your relatives, a man seeks to show what a good family man he is, the owner, that he not only loves you, but also respects you as a person. By participating in the conversation, help him show his best sides, and parents - to better consider his merits.

Choose neutral topics for conversation that will not be able to provoke a dispute or stratification into warring opinions. Your good family traditions will be a good topic for conversation, why not?

And if everything is not so cloudless?

Skeletons falling out of a closet, an awl sticking out of a sack, black lambs in a white flock - these are family unpleasant sides that everyone probably has. And it's not your fault. Even before the event, prepare the man for a meeting with the backstage of your family. If a man is decent and educated, he will accept it. But you should not introduce it immediately into all the subtleties and unattractive sides, like a bucket of cold water on your head. Try to give smooth information about your family.

We are not supposed to raise parents. And if you know that your dad is prone to strange jokes, and don’t feed your mother with bread, let me ask a tricky question - warn the man about it. “You know, my mom can ask a question that you don't like. But I want you to know that she is very good with me and wants the best for us.

To meet or not to meet?

You so want to brag about your beloved, and mom, winking, is already pushing her elbow to the side - do not succumb to temptation and pressure! It’s not worth initiating and insisting on a man’s acquaintance with your relatives, everything has its time.

The fact is that a man quite logically may have questions-resistance.

“Are they going to marry me = to put a collar around my neck = to deprive my dear heart of freedom?”
“Isn't it too early? I'm not sure about our relationship yet!"
Why is she driving horses? Something is not right here!”

Therefore, the system may collapse, and instead of the registry office, you may be blacklisted.

Perhaps he himself will be the first to offer to introduce you to his mother. And if so, congratulations! This means that a man trusts you, considers you worthy to enter his family circle, sees a future in your relationship. This is certainly a great sign, but it's a completely different story :)

Most importantly, you need to remember that your lover is their son, who will forever be their child, and you are a potential enemy, because you are taking away their child, in which they have invested so much. Therefore, you may not be treated as friendly as you expect, but you need to remember a few rules that will allow you to prove that you are worthy of him.

Firstly, when you are going to visit, forget for one evening about all the catchy and provocative items of your wardrobe, as well as bright makeup and manicure will also not be appropriate at such a meeting. The first acquaintance is a responsible step. But it’s not worth going beyond the usual clothes. Put on your favorite blouse and jeans, or sundress, but remember - they should not look defiant! You need to feel confident and your clothes should support you!

Secondly, you must remember that you are going to a meeting of his parents, and you need to behave decently. At the door, take a breath, smile, and say “Good afternoon! ”, outside the door, saying goodbye, you can exhale, and all this time you need to proudly keep your back straight, smile, communicate and do not forget about the rules of etiquette.

Thirdly, always remember that your companion chose you precisely because you are you, so stay that way tonight. If you have been dating for a long time, then you know a lot of stories about his family, and you already almost know everyone in absentia, so you don’t have to worry - you already know something about them, and this can help you find common topics for conversation! But the main thing is to remain yourself, cheerful and relaxed, light and attentive, and success will definitely await you.

So, you are standing in front of the threshold of his home, you have an excellent view and you are set to have a good time. If you came alone and the guy is waiting inside, greet each other decently! When you see his parents, smile and let the guy introduce you to each other. Getting to know your mother and you is a very responsible step.

Say that you are glad to meet the parents of such a wonderful guy! And if his birthday was the reason for your acquaintance, it would be appropriate to congratulate your mother with a bouquet of flowers. Let the guy find out which ones she likes the most.

Entering the house, you should not immediately consider all the little things, and ask what they are for and where they come from. Better look at what you are really interested in, and what you understand, say that the house is very comfortable, and if they have some kind of pet, then this is an occasion to catch on to a new topic of conversation. But you shouldn’t immediately spread everything about your life, it’s better to bypass your past personal life in ten ways, and if his mother asks, it’s better to politely evade, saying that it’s inconvenient for you to talk about it and maybe next time it will be more appropriate. Do not think that she just became interested, she looks out for all your sides, and it’s better not to give her a reason to see something not very good.

When communicating with his parents, remember that they are older than you and may not understand nano-technologies. You should not start a conversation on the topic of a very narrow circle of understanding, because this is your favorite subject of scientific research. Do not use youth and colloquial slang - it will not be very polite. And also, even if you are fond of collecting quotes of famous people - you should not use them at dinner, it is unlikely to be appropriate.

It will not be bad to talk about your hobbies, childhood dreams, favorite places in the city and how you like to spend your weekends, unless of course it's relaxing in front of the TV. Tell us where you studied and what interesting cities you visited, maybe you traveled, or have plans to do so. Parents love to learn about future plans, because if a person has a goal, then he will live to achieve something! But don't get carried away, ask your mom what was interesting about your boyfriend's childhood, and believe me, she has a lot of funny stories! And parents should not immediately tell about wonderful plans for their son, even if he approves of it! This time, act like it's just his girlfriend, who has everything ahead in her relationship with their son!

At the table, it is advisable to try every dish and each time praise the sorceress who speaks so well! It is not necessary at this moment to say something to the water "And my grandmother ...". Remember that any person will be pleased to hear good reviews about their work!

At the end of dinner, offer to help clear the table, this will demonstrate that you are not lazy and empathetic, and these are important qualities for creating relationships and families in the future.

Saying goodbye, thank you for such a pleasant time that you spent in their house, say that now you see in whom your boyfriend is so smart, polite, or something like that. If they tell you that they were glad to see you - you can be sure that his parents liked you! And this means that the first acquaintance with his mother was successful, and you did everything right! But try not to meet with his mother for at least a month, this will help to gain a foothold in her creation of a good idea of \u200b\u200byou, and she will already be supportive even if something goes wrong at the next meetings.

When you first started dating a guy, you don’t know exactly where this relationship can lead. Everything can end with a waltz at the Eiffel Tower or a blacklist on your phone. Relationships can be so unpredictable that the famous roller coaster nervously smokes on the sidelines.
It happens that a guy who seemed absolutely unattractive suddenly becomes the meaning of life. Just yesterday you joked cutely about toilet bowls and did not hesitate to blow your nose in the presence of each other, but today the situation has taken a completely different turn. A friend became a lover, and then a contender for grooms. And where the groom is, there is the lawful husband. Only before this, a new family member does not interfere with introducing them to their parents.
Have you ever thought about the ranking of stressful situations in the life of every man? Maybe the worst thing is to skydive or visit the urologist's office? Often everything is much more prosaic. Men really don't like brides for the first time. They would rather jump ten times without a parachute than look once into the clear eyes of their beloved's parents.

Getting to know the parents of your girlfriend is a huge stress for any normal man. And only the success of the first meeting will depend on the girl. It is the daughter who is able to influence the opinion of her parents during the first meeting with a potential son-in-law.

Tips for girls to make it easier for a guy to meet his parents

Pick the right time to meet. What's the point of hosting such an important event on a weekday when the parents and boyfriend are tired of work? There can be no talk of any positive at the end of the day. Arrange an acquaintance on the weekend so that everyone gathers strength and rest.
Have a proactive conversation with both parties. Familiarize your parents with taboo topics. If your boyfriend is an orphan, then parents should not ask about his family. If he is unemployed, let them not be interested in his earnings.
Have the same conversation with the guy. Surely there are topics in your family that are better left untouched, but the guy probably does not know about them. Warn him that some things are not worth talking about so that there are no heavy pauses at the table later.
Dress appropriately. This is a meeting with the parents, not a party at the club. Gently remind your lover that there is a wonderful formal suit hanging in the closet, which will be great for the upcoming event. A conservative style is the best way to meet your parents for the first time, even if your loved one wears jeans, sneakers and caps in everyday life.
Prepare a hearty lunch. Nothing brings people together like eating together. In order not to sit at a half-empty table, cook a lot of goodies. Just do not strain your mother with this, because this is your event, try to prepare for it yourself.
Maintain a positive atmosphere at the table. Do not be silent if you see that the conversation is not going well. Let your words encourage your loved one if he sees that it is not possible to immediately establish contact with your parents. Forbidden topics that spoil everyone's mood: politics, religion, complaints about life. It is better to avoid such conversations, especially if the parents and the groom have different views on life. In a word, do not allow awkward pauses, try your best to keep the conversation going.

Frequently asked questions of parents of a girl to a guy

What are your parents doing? (Important information for the girl's parents, giving an idea of the status of the guy's family)

How to answer - the main thing is to present information in such a way that any activity looks like the height of decency and prestige. A slight embellishment is allowed - then they will figure it out.

What are you planning to do? (The natural desire of parents to see their daughter married to a reliable person)

How to answer - the answer should sound confidence in the prospects for the future and a fanatical interest in the profession / occupation.

How not to answer - "Undecided yet"

What is your performance? (Question for students, revealing the potential and organization of the applicant)

How to answer - the answer should contain any valid academic achievements demonstrating this very potential.

How not to answer - “Normal”, “Like everyone else”, “I don’t bother too much” ... etc.

Do you smoke? (The whole range of bad habits is at stake in one question. And it doesn’t matter that the parents themselves are heavy smokers with experience)

How to answer - "No", "I'm already quitting."

How not to answer - "Yes, why?".

How do you spend time together? (ATTENTION: word forms may be different, depending on the degree of delicacy, but the meaning is the same - are you already sleeping with our daughter?)

How to answer “We visit cinema, theater, we go to exhibitions with friends.” Parents will be reassured by any cultural institution where there is no way to retire.

How not to answer - “This is a personal matter”, “We watch TV at my place” - any intimate overtones are undesirable.

What to give a girl's parents when meeting

Of course, to appear without gifts at the first meeting with the girl's parents is the height of bad manners. But presenting overly expensive, pretentious or, conversely, too cheap presents is also not worth it. The best (and even obligatory) gift for a mother will be flowers, you just need to tell the giver which ones she likes. The father will certainly be pleased when he receives a bottle of elite alcohol or an accessory for the car as a gift. An exquisite dessert to the table may not be superfluous, since the feast is included in the mandatory program when meeting. In any case, it will depend on your participation how correct and pleasant a gift your boyfriend will present to his parents.

Getting the groom to meet your parents is a real test for a relationship. Even if the first meeting did not go too well, this is not a reason to give up. Your parents will have a lot of time to get to know your chosen one and love him with all their hearts.

Sooner or later, in any serious relationship, there comes a moment when it is time for a girl to introduce her young man to her parents. Many are afraid of this event, and they can be understood. If the meeting does not work out, you risk being caught between two fires. On the one hand - relatives and loved ones from childhood, on the other - the one without whom you can no longer imagine your life. In order not to listen to ultimatums in the spirit of bad melodramas “Either we, or him!”, Serious preparatory work will be required before a date.

It is common for the parents of an adult girl to worry about where and with whom their beauty spends time, what kind of “types” are curling around and whether the unreasonable child will hastily give his heart to an unworthy applicant. Sometimes mom and dad are more serious than the daughter. It may happen that the potential bride herself is not yet sure whether her new romance will have far-reaching consequences, and the parents are already planning where to order a wedding dress and who to name the first grandchild after. Until you are sure that the feeling that has arisen is serious and for a long time, it is better to wait with acquaintance. Take care of the nerves of loved ones, and your own too.

Do not rush to a meeting even if the beloved himself is not eager to get acquainted. Maybe he's afraid your parents won't like him. Or maybe he does not consider it necessary to strain for the sake of a girl whom he regards as a temporary girlfriend. Delicately find out the true reason and act according to the circumstances.

If the relationship has become stronger, you and your boyfriend are making joint plans and the young man does not oppose your idea, there is no reason to postpone it further. Get together with the spirit, and appoint a rendezvous.

How to prepare a meeting?

Maybe very soon you will become one family?

In order for the planned event to take place with maximum comfort for all “interested parties”, you will have to work in two directions at once. Gently prepare your parents for the visit of the chosen one, praising his positive qualities and not mentioning the negative ones. And support the guy morally and help present yourself in the best possible light. Do not neglect this point, relying on chance - "they are all good cultured people, somehow they will agree." Believe me, your efforts will pay off handsomely.

Guy getting ready

Your young man must imagine where he is going and with whom he will communicate, so a brief digression into the history of the family is necessary. But really brief: what kind of people are your mom and dad, what do they do, what do they approve of, what they can’t stand. One or two family traditions or traditions may be mentioned if the parents take them seriously. For example, to tell that one of your ancestors was from France, or as a child you went to visit relatives in Altai every year. Firstly, the guy will no longer think of joking about the “paddling pools” (you never know how the conversation will turn). And secondly, the boyfriend will be able to win the favor of your loved ones, showing off his knowledge of the history of the mountainous region to the place and saying that you are going there on a joint vacation.
Together think over the appearance of your loved one. A strict classic jacket with trousers or a three-piece suit will only be appropriate if your parents are people of the old school and rules, and you know for sure that they will approve of it. But for most, such an outfit will seem too deliberately formal, so it’s enough that the clothes are clean, neatly ironed and appropriate for the situation. Shorts are definitely not acceptable! If your sweetheart is into piercings, walks around in a bandana, and is a staunch supporter of one of the informal styles, persuade him to give up his habits for one evening. It is better to cover up tattoos, take out catchy jewelry or replace it with something more modest. For your sake, a young man will definitely make such a sacrifice!
Give me an idea for a small gift. For the first time, it is not customary to visit the parents of your soul mate completely empty-handed, but nothing supernatural is required from the young man. Tell us what flowers mom loves, what wine dad will appreciate, what souvenir both of them will like.

Some parents are over the top in their curiosity.

It is impossible to predict in advance which topics will come up during a conversation. But there are questions that all parents ask the chosen ones of their daughters. For example, a young man will probably be asked what he does, in what area he is going to make a career, or even how he plans to provide for his future family. If an indistinct lowing follows in response, the guy will fall heavily in the eyes of your relatives. There is no need to issue a clear schedule for the next 20 years, but let the strict dad make sure that your young man has certain plans and is serious about achieving something in life.

Preparing mom and dad

“Remote” acquaintance of loved ones with a lover begins long before the date of the meeting is set. Tell your parents more good things about your man. Naturally, adjusted for their worldview! The brave turns that a loved one makes on a motorcycle will definitely not impress relatives, but the news of academic success or an award from the authorities for an innovative proposal will cause a positive reaction. But don't get caught up in fantasy! Substitute your own young man, because sooner or later he will have to extricate himself from all this.

But even in irritation or during quarrels, do not speak ill of him. You can still make peace, and a loving parental heart will remember and not forgive the offense inflicted on the little blood.

If you're planning a family dinner meeting, make sure the menu caters to everyone's tastes and doesn't include complex dishes. Remember the film “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears” and the panicky horror of Katerina, whom her boyfriend’s mother tried to treat with fish? What if your boyfriend is also confused by some tasty, but difficult-to-handle treat? Do not add to him reasons for unrest - they will be enough.

How to introduce? Options

What if you play a random meeting on the street?

Without further ado, set a date and place. Best of all on the weekend, in the afternoon, when everyone had a good night's sleep, rested and put themselves in order without haste. But do not choose too late an hour so that your family does not have to be nervous all day in anticipation of a significant event! And whether you communicate at home or in a restaurant, decide together.
Set up a "chance" meeting. You asked the guy to help bring a heavy bag into the apartment, and there - well, wow! - Parents returned from the dacha earlier than planned. We went to the City Day to wander around the park and on the main alley we ran into mom and dad, who also got out to look at the holiday. It is worth noting that this method should be resorted to only when a man, in principle, does not mind meeting your family. The “sudden” meeting does not require preparation from him, does not make him worry in advance, and does not take place at all in an official tone. But if until now the young man has categorically refused to pay a visit to your relatives, such a trick will only add to the tension. In addition, a man will probably suspect you of cheating. By the way, you will be right.
If the beloved does not suffer from excessive shyness, you can take a chance and invite him to a family holiday or picnic and introduce him to the whole private company at once with second cousins, cousins and friends of friends. Cons: the table will be noisy, crowded, and parents will not be able to calmly get to know the young man and recognize him. Pros: thanks to the same crowd, the guy will quickly cease to be the center of attention. Maybe he will even be able to enjoy his time?

An important note: if you decide to stage a casual acquaintance, let it be a surprise only for the guy. You still need to hint to your parents that today you will not return home alone, so as not to catch them at the time of a family quarrel or pasting wallpaper - untidy, sweaty and in old tracksuits. But be sure to ask to play along with you so that the mother, who did not know anything about the guests, “completely by chance” did not have a table set for four, with a roasted pig and a raspberry pie in the center.

Have you read? Now take a deep breath, take a breath and relax. In fact, there is nothing terrible in the upcoming meeting. Your parents are adequate people who really want their daughter to find her happiness, and the man to be a worthy young man. Otherwise, you wouldn't have chosen him, right? Help them get to know and appreciate each other. The main thing - do not let things take their course. Be ready to help if an awkward situation suddenly arises, try to fill in awkward pauses, but do not “hammer the air”. Let your loved ones talk in peace.

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The man you love is going to introduce you to your mom. How to survive this meeting and even enjoy it?

In the life of every girl, sooner or later, a crucial day comes that can change her whole life. First meeting with his parents.

When another friend says: “And then he introduced me to his parents,” frames from Hollywood films flash before my eyes, where the human race first comes into contact with aliens. Every movement and gesture must be verified to the millimeter, because the future depends on it civilization, that is, your relationship.A mistake that will later become fatal can be made by any side.

Preparing to meet with parents

One day my friend N. met a man for whom she had far-reaching plans. And then that very day came - the first acquaintance with the guy's parents. Encouraged, N. ate his mother's buns and sang praises of her culinary skills. Mom gave N. the most tasty morsels and praised her appetite.

N. was already imagining herself in a wedding dress, when her mother said: “Look how the girl is eating. Not like the hanger you came in with the day before yesterday. Me too, model!

Compliments to her borscht and cat are welcome!

My other friend once said that cats, in her opinion, are kept only by crazy old women, without noticing the black cat Murzik, who was lounging in an armchair in a businesslike manner.

But, despite all the excesses and mental anguish, in general, getting to know your mother is a very useful procedure, I would even say, of strategic importance. And it certainly is worth the nerves and money spent on a special Particularly Decent Blouse (which then can only be worn to a gala dinner with his grandmother).

After meeting the mother of a beloved man, much becomes clear in his character.

If earlier you wondered where he got strange dictatorial habits from and why he demands to write him SMS messages that you entered the entrance, went up to your floor, ended up in an apartment and closed it with all the locks, then from the moment you met his mother Everything will fall into place as an investigator.

Does he know the symptoms of all known and some unknown diseases and diagnose them in himself, you and those around him? Having met your mother - a doctor, you will stop wondering why you are happy in the form of her son, and you will think about vitamins and acupuncture. But these are trifles.

The most beautiful thing is that, firstly, he takes you seriously, because they don’t introduce anyone to their mother (except for the mother-investigator, who requires an examination of all female acquaintances).

And secondly, and most importantly, if the first meeting is successful, then you and your mother will be able to unite and together you will be practically invincible. So turn on all your charm. In war, all means are good. Compliments to her borscht, cat and soft purple hair color are welcome.

And as a reward, you will receive a blouse for your birthday in exactly the same style as the one you were wearing when you met. And her son to boot.

Let's summarize: the first acquaintance with the guy's mother is far from being an easy task, but if you follow certain tips, then everything will go well.

1. Remember that you should direct most of your efforts to the charm of his beloved mother. Undoubtedly, the main father in the family. But in many cases, his opinion of the future daughter-in-law is based on his wife's impression of her.

Discard the idea that it is necessary to give parents some kind of souvenir. If the mother of your loved one is a type of especially vigilant people, then in such a gift she will see nothing more than outright bribery on your part. As a result of this, during the entire meeting, she will begin to look for those shortcomings in you that, according to her, you tried to close with a gift.

2. The second reason why you should not give something to his parents is that you may simply not please their taste preferences. And, in the end, you will be accused of either lack of taste, or trying to show off your money.

Gifts are best given when you are close to his family and can easily identify those gifts that they immediately like.

3. As soon as you enter his parental home, the smile from your lips should not disappear for a moment. Even if they meet you with unexpected coldness, try to be friendly. Remember more often that your smile helped you charm your lover on first dates. It is possible, in the case of the first visit to his parents, that a smile will help hide the embarrassment from the look of his mother.

4. Acquaintance, most likely, will not do without a feast. Do not go too far with the use of glasses of wine. Do not forget to motherly look after your beloved at the table. Thus, you will make it clear to his mother that he will pass from her hands into no less loving ones.

5. When answering questions about your plans for life, try to give answers that would be connected with the interests of your loved one with a thin thread.

6. If they ask about your family, no matter what, describe it as if it were the best in the world.

Most importantly, remember that when you are going to such an important meeting, take naturalness with you, forgetting pride and rudeness at home, and then a successful completion of your acquaintance is guaranteed.

Video materials on the topic of the article

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