We are planning a second pregnancy: how to choose the right time. We are planning a second pregnancy: when is it better to give birth to a second child? Planning a second pregnancy where to start a woman

Although for women who have given birth to one child, the second birth will not be a surprise from a physiological point of view, planning for 2 children is an important issue for every couple thinking about replenishing the family. The second pregnancy and childbirth have their own distinctive features that future parents need to know about.

Planning 2 pregnancy: what to consider?

If a woman is already a happy mother of one baby, pregnancy and subsequent childbirth, of course, will no longer be new to her. However, there are some peculiarities in planning for those who are preparing specifically for the second motherhood.

When planning a second child, a woman should consider:

Psychological readiness (there must be a firm affirmative answer to the question: is the woman ready to go through painful childbirth, sleepless nights, etc. again).
Physiological readiness (since pregnancy is considered a huge stress for a woman’s body, it needs time for a complete “reboot” before the second conception).
Age difference between children.
Aggravating factors (caesarean section at first birth, age over 30 years, mother's blood Rh negative).
Unplanned risk factors, for which it is also better to prepare (mentally and physically) in advance.

Physiological factors when planning 2 pregnancies

Features of the health status of the expectant mother, which you should pay attention to when planning 2 children, include:

Chronic diseases.
Features of the course of previous pregnancy and childbirth.
Length of recovery after the first birth.
The age of the woman.

Usually, doctors recommend planning a second child at least 2 years after the birth of the first (maybe a little more). This figure is taken on the condition that the mother is completely healthy, and the birth took place without complications. In this case, approximately this period of time is needed to restore the female body.

The situation is complicated if the first pregnancy was accompanied by problems (especially the threat of miscarriage or premature birth). In this case, the body will need more time to recover. In addition, in such cases, it is recommended not to start planning the conception of 2 children without prior consultation with the attending gynecologist.

If the woman's body did not have time to recover qualitatively after the first birth, then there is a risk of miscarriage during the second pregnancy. In addition, due to physical, nervous and hormonal exhaustion of the body, women who give birth to children of the same age are more likely to develop anemia, beriberi, varicose veins, problems with the cardiovascular system, thrombosis, neurological diseases, bleeding, and weakness of birth forces. , which can lead to rupture of the birth canal.

It is also necessary to take into account the age of the mother, since the risk factors for not bearing a baby or giving birth to a child with pathology during late pregnancy and childbirth inevitably increase.

Separately, it is worth paying attention to the health of the firstborn. If a firstborn child has problems due to poor health or chronic diseases of a congenital nature, then most likely this is a consequence of the health problems of his parents. This means that before planning a 2nd pregnancy, it is imperative to be fully examined and undergo a course of treatment (if necessary).

The break between childbirth is important not only for the restoration of the female body. This can also affect the firstborn, who will have to be weaned prematurely if the pregnancy occurs during lactation. When the baby actively stimulates the nipples on the breast while taking milk, the uterus enters a state of hypertonicity. This is very harmful to the fetus, which will be deficient in oxygen. Therefore, it is recommended to postpone conception at least until the end of breastfeeding - for this, gynecologists recommend starting protection immediately after childbirth and not believing the myths that a woman cannot become pregnant during lactation.

Planning 2 pregnancy: psychological readiness

Alas, postpartum depression as a result of the emotional exhaustion of the mother is not a myth. And psychologists agree that it significantly affects the perception of the very phenomenon of motherhood. Postpartum depression is also an integral criterion when taking into account all the existing factors of pregnancy planning 2.

According to statistics, the period of postpartum depression can be both short and long - from 2 weeks to 2 months. But in rare cases, the severe psychological state of the mother drags on for a longer period, and one cannot do without the help of psychologists or psychotherapists. In this case, the woman is unlikely to be ready in a year or two to go through the same difficult stages for her again.

Rampant emotions, supported by a real hormonal explosion, accompany any woman who has carried and given birth to a baby for the first time. Mixed feelings of joy for the little man and from thoughts of sleepless nights and children's crying - in order to calmly endure and survive everything, a woman must have patience and endurance.

Psychological readiness for planning 2 children is very important.

On the one hand, the mother's fears should decrease compared to the first pregnancy. After all, a woman already knows exactly how to properly handle a baby, and what not to do. On the other hand, the first experience of giving birth and raising a child could be emotionally traumatic and painful.

That is why all psychologists unanimously affirm: a woman should agree to a second motherhood only if she is absolutely confident in herself and her readiness. No pressure from relatives or an obsessive persuasion from a husband who wants another baby is absolutely unacceptable here.

Planning for 2 children in terms of the age of the firstborn

Child psychologists have proven that the optimal age difference between brothers or sisters is 4 years. It is at the age of 4 that the eldest child is already conscious enough to adequately perceive the appearance of a baby in the house and help his mother as needed.

From the point of view of psychologists, both smaller and larger age differences can cause psychological problems in the family.

Children whose age difference is less than 4 years require more care of themselves, and at the same time - the helplessness of two children at once can cause a lot of problems for the mother in everyday life. In addition, it is believed that the weather is harder to find a common language. Although the last statement can be challenged.

Planning a second child when the eldest is already 4 years old or more brings its own difficulties. With such a difference, children's jealousy can manifest itself most acutely. Approaching school age is the beginning of a difficult psychological period in the life of every child, so he strives to constantly be in the center of parental attention in order to feed self-confidence with constant manifestations of mother and father love. And if they constantly pay all their attention to the baby, it is likely that the second child will grow up to be a spoiled egoist, while the first-born will lose a full-fledged childhood and earn complexes, holding grievances for life. In addition, if the age difference is solid (10 years or more), children will not be united by common interests.

Preparation for planning 2 pregnancies

An initial medical consultation is mandatory. The gynecologist will ask the patient how long the first birth took place, whether they were complicated by something, whether there was a caesarean section in the anamnesis. A serious factor to be reckoned with is abortion or diagnostic curettage. After such manipulations, the uterus needs a certain time to recover, so doctors usually do not allow you to conceive a baby for at least 3 months after the procedure.

If a gynecologist diagnoses inflammatory processes or diseases in a patient, then before planning a 2nd pregnancy, she must undergo a course of treatment. Since during pregnancy they can worsen up to pathological conditions that lead to disastrous consequences - both for the mother and for the fetus.

It is also mandatory for a woman to be tested for the presence of sexually transmitted infections. If they are not detected and treated in a timely manner (before pregnancy), the fetus may develop abnormally.

Since during pregnancy the mother’s body, and hence her unborn child, becomes vulnerable to everything, before conception it makes sense to undergo a complete examination of the body (urine, blood tests, ECG, ultrasound, blood pressure measurement, consultations of specialists of a narrow focus - each person knows his weak places).

Unfortunately, in the CIS countries, medical genetic counseling is not yet very developed, unlike in Western countries. It is not mandatory, but it allows you to prevent many difficulties that become a shock for women in labor after childbirth - for example, the birth of a child with a serious pathology or a rare genetic disease. Medical genetic counseling is advised to take place before planning 2 children for all couples who cannot boast of excellent health, and have a history of their families with hereditary diseases or congenital malformations. Usually such consultations are held in family planning centers. After special examinations, geneticists will be able to name the percentage of the probability of a child inheriting genetic anomalies, pathologies, defects and diseases.

Six months before the intended conception, give up bad habits (smoking, drinking alcohol) for both parents.
Lead an active lifestyle (proper quality nutrition, sports) for both parents.
Quality rest before conception itself (it has been proven that a change of scenery, and sometimes the time zone, is the best stimulant for the activation of hormones in a woman’s body, including those responsible for fertility).

Features of pregnancy and childbirth for the second time

The second pregnancy in the absence of complications and risk factors will practically not differ from the first. However, planning a second pregnancy requires the same attention.

Features of the second pregnancy:

Thinner and more elastic uterine walls, as well as weakened abdominal muscles, which make the stomach more visible in the early stages.
For the first time, the fetus begins to move earlier - at 17-18 weeks (during the first pregnancy, usually at 20 weeks).
The lower position of the uterus, which gives frequent urination, but eliminates the causes of constant heartburn.
A greater load on the spine and legs than the first time, which is risky with back pain and varicose veins (it is worth using a special bandage and cream for varicose veins).
Faster and easier childbirth (4-8 hours on average) due to the preparedness of the birth canal, as well as psychological preparedness for the birth process - in the absence of complications.

Since during the second pregnancy, women get tired faster, it is worth paying special attention to rest and staying in the fresh air, special exercises for pregnant women, and wearing compression stockings. For these purposes, before planning a 2nd pregnancy, it is recommended to discuss with the family in advance the possibility of a minimum load on the expectant mother with household chores.

Planning for 2 children after caesarean section

If the first child was born by caesarean section, the planning of the second child will have to wait 2-4 years.

This is influenced by the following reasons:

The scar that forms on the uterus after surgery completely heals and is replaced by muscle tissue (that is, the uterus is preparing for a new pregnancy) for about 2 years. Until that time, it is simply dangerous to conceive a child.
For women in labor who have undergone caesarean section, special treatment and more thorough medical supervision, including constant visual and palpation study of the suture, ultrasound of the uterus, hysterography or hysteroscopy, treatment of chronic diseases and inflammatory processes, back restoration.
The more the family protects the expectant mother from physical exertion, the faster the postoperative scar will heal.
If the formed scar is almost invisible, then the chances of natural childbirth a second time are high. If the scar is poorly formed, and the woman, moreover, has hereditary diseases or pathologies, then the risk of repeated caesarean section is high.

Preparation for planning 2 children after 30 years

With the onset of middle age, the husband and wife develop a number of chronic diseases and their general health deteriorates, making planning for a second child somewhat difficult.

However, if the spouses decide on a second child, a woman should follow these recommendations:

Lose excess weight, if any.
Start sports activities with metered loads (long walks, walking, swimming, cycling).
Revise the diet, correcting and balancing it.
Consult with your gynecologist for any questions that arise.
Pass all the necessary tests and go through all the doctors.
Work with a psychologist if there is an inner fear.

Features of planning 2 children with a negative Rh

Particularly thorough should be the preparation for planning a second child in women who have a negative blood rhesus.

In this case, when carrying the first child, the interaction of the mother's immune system with the Rh-positive erythrocytes of the child provokes the production of antibodies and, in rare cases, the phenomenon of immunization (in 10% of women).

To reduce the risks when planning 2 children, you must:

Take a blood test for the presence of antibodies.
Compare the result with the Rh factor of the firstborn (if it is positive, then a Rh conflict is possible due to the presence of antibodies in the mother's body).
If necessary, carry out a special procedure to purify the blood from antibodies.

Unplanned factors and risks when planning a second child

For many women, planning issues are not limited to the physiological or psychological parameters of preparation.

For a modern woman, when planning 2 pregnancies, they also play a role the following factors:

Career (with the second decree in a row, the possibility of career growth is reduced to a minimum, which must be taken into account).
Financial stability (for raising two children, a certain financial pillow is needed at once).
Housing issue (if children are of different sexes, then everyone should grow up in their own room).

However, no one can give an exact answer to the question: “Do you plan to have a second child?”, except for the woman herself. All factors are individual.

Start your journey to happiness - right now!

Well, you can say that your life is good. You are the happy mother of the best baby in the world! The mission is completed - the little one was born, and now you need to educate and raise him. But it seems to you that something is missing - and, probably, this “something” is the second child that you really want. Well, your desire is commendable, but let's figure out when is the best time to plan a second pregnancy and have a second child?

What to consider when planning a second pregnancy?

When planning a second pregnancy, the following factors must be considered:

* State of the body. Pregnancy and childbirth is a huge stress and a huge burden for a woman, so she needs some time to recover and be ready for the “second run”.

* Psychological readiness. Pregnancy, childbirth and the subsequent care of a newborn is a huge burden on a woman, not only physically, but also psychologically. Therefore, the psychological and emotional readiness to go all this way again is very important.

* Age of firstborn. Probably, everyone has heard about children's jealousy, the degree of which depends not only on the upbringing of children in the family, but also on the age difference between children.

Body condition

Your body's readiness for a second pregnancy depends on many factors. This is the presence of chronic diseases, and the course of previous pregnancies and childbirth, and the duration of the recovery period after childbirth, and your age, as well as many other features.

The average interval that must pass between the first pregnancy and the second birth is at least 2-2.5 years. According to doctors, this is exactly the period of time when a woman's body is fully able to recover after childbirth (given that the woman is healthy, childbirth and pregnancy were normal, and the recovery period was also normal). What makes up such a number?

Let's calculate: a minimum of 12 months of breastfeeding to ensure the health of the baby (many new mothers breastfeed longer), 9 months for the mother to recover from pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding, and 9 months for a second pregnancy.

In addition, by the age of two, breastfeeding, in most cases, has already been stopped - after all, to put it mildly, combining breastfeeding with a new pregnancy is quite problematic.

As for other situations, women whose pregnancy was accompanied by complications (preeclampsia, threatened miscarriage or premature birth, etc.) should increase the interval between births and plan a second pregnancy only with the permission of a doctor.

If your birth was by caesarean section, the recovery period will also be longer, which means that you will have to plan a second pregnancy later. Usually, a scar on the uterus after a caesarean section heals completely in 1.5-2 years. It is during this period that the scar on the uterus, consisting of connective tissue, is replaced by muscle fibers - and the uterus becomes functionally ready for a new pregnancy. Pregnancy after caesarean section is best planned after 2.5-4 years.

If your first child was born with some health problems, before planning a second pregnancy, it is necessary to undergo a complete examination and, if necessary, treatment. In most cases, congenital health problems in a child appear as a result of health problems in the parents.

And, of course, it is necessary to plan a second pregnancy taking into account your age - after all, the risks of pregnancy and childbirth complications only increase over the years.

Psychological readiness

Everyone has heard about postpartum depression, emotional exhaustion and the perception of motherhood. And all these criteria must also be taken into account when deciding when it is better to plan a second pregnancy.

It is known that postpartum depression (if it takes place) in a young mother passes, on average, after 2 weeks-2 months. Agree, not such a long time, although, of course, its duration depends on many factors.

But as for the other criteria, everything is not so clear-cut here. Surely, you remember your feelings when you found out that you would be a mother, and your emotional state in the first weeks after childbirth. The thought that you became a mother was both pleasing and frightening at the same time, and emotions went wild. Are you ready to experience it all again? And sleepless nights and permanent diapers and diapers?

Psychological readiness for a second pregnancy is a very delicate question, and there is no exact answer to it. After all, you can not predict how it will be specifically for you. Perhaps there will be fewer fears - after all, you already know how to handle a newborn, what he needs, and what you need to pay attention to. But what to do if your first experience of pregnancy and motherhood, on the contrary, exhausted you so emotionally that you do not want to repeat it?

In this regard, you need to plan a second pregnancy only when you yourself decide that you are completely ready for this psychologically. Also, don't forget about hormonal changes and associated mood changes. It can also happen that what you most want now will become hateful to you as soon as pregnancy comes.

Age of firstborn

From the point of view of child psychologists, the optimal difference between the ages of children is considered to be a difference of 4 years. The eldest child at this age is already quite independent and can sometimes even help his mother with the younger one.

As evidence, psychologists cite the following arguments. It will be difficult for children with a smaller difference to find a common language, and caring for two small children is problematic - the younger one is completely helpless, and the older one requires a lot of attention to himself.

If the age difference between children is more than 4 years, then you may encounter the most acute manifestations of childish jealousy. After all, closer to school age, children already like to be in the spotlight - and here the newborn will “destroy all the plans” of the elder! If the difference increases to 8-10 years, it is highly likely that the youngest child will grow up to be a universal darling and egoist, and the elder will lose his childhood because of the need to be a “third parent” for the youngest. And they will be able to overcome barriers in communication only in adulthood.

What else you need to pay attention to when planning a second pregnancy?

Having decided to give birth to a second baby, you need to decide for yourself what is more important for you - a career or self-realization in a family? After all, the birth of a child entails the need to be on maternity leave for a sufficiently long period, which not every employer will like. And if you give birth to a second child, the period of your disability increases! If your career is important to you, but you would also like to plan a second pregnancy - the ideal option for you would be to leave one decree for another - that is, give birth to a second child before the first three years. If a career is not an end in itself for you, you may well give birth when you are as ready for this as possible.

Another important issue that needs to be addressed when planning a second pregnancy is financial issues. I think you will not argue that planning a second pregnancy without some financial cushion is at least not serious? Yes, and placing two children in an apartment is a problem. It's one thing if the children are with a small age difference and same-sex - then you can just give them one room in your two-room "mansions" to be torn to pieces. And if children with a big difference in age and different sexes? What to do then? Therefore, be sure to consider the possibility of placing two children in your apartment.

Everyone knows how much money is spent on baby clothes, rattles, etc. If the difference between the children is not very big, the younger one can easily wear things for the older one, sleep in his crib and play with his toys, which the older one is no longer interested in. If you wait a long time for the second child, usually by the time of his birth, the dowry from the eldest was either safely distributed, or simply lost its appearance.

As you have already seen for yourself, to the question: “When is it better to plan a second pregnancy?” there is no clear answer. For some, this may be a period of time of 2 years, and for some, even ten years of “rest” will not be enough. Therefore, it is up to you to decide when to become a mother again! The main thing is to be guided by your feelings and think that your second baby will be happy to be born, whenever you ask him about it!

Soon after the birth of the first child, many parents begin to think about the appearance of the next child in the family, so that the first would not be bored. But where to start planning a second pregnancy and whether it will be radically different from the previous one - these are the questions that concern young parents, and it is not in vain. This is especially true for those couples who have encountered difficulties in the birth of their first baby.

Experts believe that planning a second pregnancy should take into account factors such as the readiness of both parents to have a second child, the mother’s determination to give up work, plans for the future, the housing issue, the presence of someone’s support from the outside, the health of the spouses. If the previous pregnancy was normal, doctors give the following recommendations when planning a second one.

Three years is the optimal time for rest and complete recovery of the female body after a previous pregnancy and childbirth, when you can talk about planning a second child. It is this time interval that is considered the most favorable. If less time has passed, a deficiency of essential minerals and vitamins is noted in the woman's body, there are often problems with blood vessels, there is a high risk of miscarriage, rapid labor, bleeding, weak labor activity, ruptures. If the break is more than 3 years, it is fraught with interruption of the second pregnancy, complications during childbirth, as the woman develops chronic diseases, hormonal disorders, immunity decreases, and fatigue accumulates.
When planning a second pregnancy, it is necessary to pass, as with the first.
Six months before the intended conception, both future parents will need to start leading an active, healthy lifestyle - give up bad habits, eat right, play sports.
The main problem during this period is the preparation of the first baby for the imminent birth of a brother or sister, so that this does not become a psychological trauma for him, which happens very often.

These tips will be useful when planning a second pregnancy for all those who did not have any special problems when carrying their first baby and who have no pathologies. But what about those who had or still have them?

After 30 years

Spouses need more careful planning of the second pregnancy after 30 years, since at this age the bodies of both are already accumulating fatigue and a number of unwanted diseases. What should you pay special attention to?

Doctors advise to start planning a second pregnancy after 30 years, six months before the expected date of conception, in order to have time to pass all the tests and prepare the organisms for the crucial moment.
You definitely need to lose weight.
Start doing some light sport like swimming or cycling. In extreme cases, accustom yourself to walk in any weather before going to bed for at least half an hour.
Review your diet in the direction of a correct and balanced diet.
Constantly consult with your doctor for any questions related to planning a second pregnancy: pass all the necessary tests and go through the right doctors.
If you feel inner discomfort or fear, do not be shy and make an appointment with a psychologist.

If these recommendations are followed, planning a second pregnancy after 30 years will bring positive results. If the spouses think about it in time, there will be no problems with conceiving and bearing a healthy baby.

After caesarean section

A very responsible business is planning a second pregnancy after a caesarean section, for which there are a number of medical indications. They must be observed, otherwise you can harm the health of the mother and experience serious problems at the birth of a second baby. What to do in this case:

notify the gynecologist of your intention, preferably the one who conducted the first pregnancy;
in addition to the usual tests, the woman will have a scar on the uterus through ultrasound, hysterography or hysteroscopy;
planning a second child after a caesarean section is recommended no earlier than 2 years after the birth of the first child;
no need to set yourself up for a second operation: it will be much better for your baby if you give birth to him naturally.

The husband should protect his wife from heavy physical exertion so that the scar after the operation heals faster and the test results are favorable.

With a negative rhesus

The planning of a second pregnancy with a negative Rh blood in the mother should proceed no less carefully. The immune system of a woman, when carrying her first child, first encounters her red blood cells (Rh-positive), and antibodies are produced. So 10% of women get immunized afterwards. If a mother has avoided Rh immunization, at the birth of a second child, her probability will again be 10%. Therefore, it is so important at the planning stage:

take an analysis to detect the presence of antibodies in the blood;
find out which Rh factor your first child has: if positive, there are antibodies in your body, which will most likely lead to a Rh conflict;
in this case, a procedure is performed that helps to cleanse the female body of antibodies.

The sooner the spouses think about planning a second pregnancy, the better the results will be later. Compliance with all the necessary recommendations and constant consultations with a doctor is a guarantee of successful conception and safe bearing of a second child.

In this article:

In almost every family, replenishment comes sooner or later, which is the most important point. In particular, expecting the appearance of another baby, as this is an occasion for greater joy, love and care. Many mothers, after the appearance of their first child, begin to think about the question of when to give birth to a second child and what needs to be considered when preparing for a second birth. Planning a second pregnancy is basically no longer a random event, but a planned step.

In addition, the birth of a second child has its positive aspects and this affects the development of both children. They learn to interact well with each other, they are not bored of spending time together. For parents, this is a double portion of joy and worries.

There are no arguments against having another baby. The big difficulty lies mainly in financial resources, which are sometimes not enough. In connection with this and some other circumstances, a very significant question arises, when is it better to give birth to a second child?

age difference

First of all, any mother is interested in what should be the age difference between children? The best option is considered - 4 years. Most experts agree with this opinion. However, we will analyze each possible case in order to visualize the whole picture.

Twins

Twins are born of lesser weight than any "loner". As for their development, it also happens more slowly. Therefore, in this case, more attention is required not only from parents, but also from doctors. In the case of twins, there are some nuances. For example, while still in infancy, they only sleep together. Growing up, we say all the time, instead of one me. In this case, parents need to make it clear to them that each of them is an independent person. In this regard, you should not give both children to the same sections and circles.

Even if they show their abilities in the same activity, they must develop them separately. This is explained by the fact that one of the children always becomes the leader, and the other is the follower. Despite the fact that such a hierarchy seems convenient to them, such inequality clearly does not benefit both children. Don't buy them the same clothes either. The principle of education is based on the following: each child has its own bright and individual personality.

weather

Every mother knows that the smaller the child, the more he needs attention. So is it worth having a second child when the first one is only a year old? Until the child is one year old, the mother, almost literally, does not leave him a single step. When a child turns one year old, he begins to walk, and even here the mother cannot always keep up with her fidget. On the one hand, this is troublesome, however, on the other hand, thanks to such continuous contact between mother and child, the latter develops better, learning about the world around him.

It is worth noting that when a child is already a little over a year old, he especially needs a lot of attention and care from his parents. At this time, usually the baby is told everything that the parents themselves know about the world around them. Can a mother give enough attention to two children at once? This is a big question.

Biennials

The second birth only two years after the appearance of the first child has its own nuances. At two years old, the child is still sufficiently egocentric. And a partial refusal of attention from the mother will be perceived painfully by them. In addition, with the advent of a second child, the first-born may develop jealousy towards him, which leads to stressful situations.
There are some contradictory moments that supposedly have positive aspects: they play together, go to the same kindergarten, swim together, etc. However, by and large, all this does not benefit the children, but is only a convenience for the mother.

An important point: any child up to about 4 years old needs a certain amount of attention and care. In this regard, every mother who has to divide her attention into two sides will not be able to give proper education. After all, every child needs it full, and not half.

And if you consider that in addition to raising a child, there are all other things, then there is not much time left for everyone. Of course, this does not mean that you have to be with your child 24 hours a day. But in direct contact with him, you need to give yourself to him 100%. Only in this case, he will be able to understand that he is loved and dear.

Three-year-olds

If you are deciding whether or not to have a second child when the oldest is three years old, think carefully too. Don't be in a hurry. At this age, children are still able to compete fiercely with each other for the attention of their mother. He is still too young not to perceive the younger as a rival, and self-centered enough to share his mother's love with him.

Three-year-olds do not hide their experiences, but they still cannot “process” them properly. That is, the first-born cannot yet speak openly about his feelings about the appearance of a second child, but getting sick is easy.
Unfortunately, many mothers are replaced by grandmothers, thereby letting the older child know that he is already the second.

Four year olds

This is the ideal case when it is better to give birth to a second child. And here are the reasons. At this age, the first-born is already old enough to understand and know his parents. Even when his mother is not next to him, he still knows that he is very loved and dear to her. At such an “adult” age, children are already able to fulfill the promise and even take care. Girls, for example, are already playing mother-daughter with might and main. Therefore, mom may even have a little helper.

Boys are also often proud to have a new family member. And if they are jealous, they do it more peacefully. Four-year-old children, of course, may initially have some doubts about which of the two children the mother loves more. However, at this age, it is enough for a child to explain everything and make it clear to him that he is no worse.

Five year olds and older

The older the child, the easier it is for the firstborn to explain something and prepare him for the arrival of another baby. With the right approach, jealousy may not arise. However, as the age difference between children increases, the likelihood that they will have an interesting time decreases, they become too different.

It is worth noting that the older the first child, the more the younger perceives him as another parent.

How to prepare an older child?

In some cases, when planning a second pregnancy, young parents still have doubts. There are a whole bunch of questions. Will the older child quarrel with the younger one, or will he help in courtship and protect him?! Will they be able to become the best friends and share everything they have with each other?! Will the firstborn experience feelings of jealousy, since the youngest will be given increased attention from their parents?! When to tell the older child about the planning of a brother or sister and should he be notified at all?!

In addition, the mother herself even begins to doubt that she can pay enough attention to both children. However, no matter what doubts tormented young parents, you should definitely notify your first-born about the second child. Moreover, the sooner this is done, the easier it will take this news. It is best to raise this topic of conversation even at the stage of planning a second pregnancy.

This should be explained in a way that is accessible to the child. It is very important to present such information in a positive way. And the lighter it is, the better for the perception of an older child. It is worth telling how good it is to feel like a senior and take a little responsibility for the life of a crumb. In addition, now it will not be so boring, because there is someone to spend useful time with.

positive attitude

Often, jealousy between children is a fairly common phenomenon. However, despite this, you should not tune in in advance to such a reaction from your eldest child: it may not be at all. It is always necessary to act on the basis of a specific situation.

In some cases, it is useful when the firstborn can visit the mother with the baby while she is still in the hospital. And if he sees his photo on the nightstand, he will be especially pleased. You can let him touch the baby, explain that at first he will cry and eat a lot. All this and many other points should be presented in a positive way and then the firstborn will be able to get used to it and accept it faster.

Collaboration

With the advent of the second newborn, we again have to remember the past. However, trying to do everything in the best way, do not forget that love can be shown at any time. In some cases, you can work in two directions. For example, when breastfeeding a baby, you can tell a story to an older child.

Modeling from plasticine can be replaced by working with dough. While the mother is busy with household chores, the older child can start modeling figurines. After that, they can be laid out on a baking sheet, and after 20 minutes - the cookies are ready! Who knows, maybe the older one will wake up with culinary skills?!

What Not to Do

First of all, it is necessary to stop all attempts of jealousy on the part of the older child. Even if the first-born is angry at the baby or, God forbid, at the parents, then in no case should one appeal to his guilt. Instead, you need to understand it and accept everything as it is. In this case, it is better for parents to let the child understand that they fully share his feelings and encourage him, telling him to be patient a little and everything will be as good as before.

An older child cannot be forced to show his brotherly love towards a younger one, since he has his own rights to inviolability and private property. If necessary, you should purchase new toys for the younger child. As for the brotherly relationship, it will come in any case, only time is needed.

Do not burden your eldest child with too many responsibilities. If you feel that you are not coping with your older child, you should contact a highly qualified specialist. A child family psychologist will help parents understand the needs of an older child and properly build a dialogue with him.

Today, women are becoming more and more attentive to their health and pregnancy planning. Pregravid preparation is a set of measures, analyzes and examinations of a married couple, aimed at increasing the chances of giving birth to a healthy child. Pregnancy planning is relevant for couples expecting the birth of their first baby, but no less important for the second and subsequent pregnancies.

Optimal break between pregnancies

Each family determines the time interval between the birth of children independently, based on their desires, opportunities and, of course, health. However, the minimum recommended interval between delivery and the next pregnancy is two years after vaginal delivery and three years after caesarean section. These figures are not taken by chance. It is during these periods of time that the mother's body completely restores the hormonal balance, reserves of vitamins and trace elements, as well as psychological balance after pregnancy, childbirth and breastfeeding.

How to start planning a second pregnancy?

Pregravid preparation should begin with a visit to the institution where the woman plans to observe the planned pregnancy. It is worth visiting this medical institution in advance, getting acquainted with its structure and, of course, getting to know the attending physician. It is with your gynecologist that you should discuss the plan for preparing for pregnancy in your particular case. When planning a second and subsequent pregnancy, it is very important to tell all the details of previous pregnancies, how they ended and how they proceeded. Separate so-called groups risk of perinatal losses formed in the following cases:

aggravated obstetric and gynecological history, when a woman suffered a series of miscarriages, missed pregnancies, abortions, gynecological operations;
history of premature birth;
stillbirths or genetic abnormalities in previous children;
complicated course of pregnancy in the past, for example, preeclampsia, fetal growth retardation, oligohydramnios or polyhydramnios, isthmic-cervical insufficiency, abnormal placental attachments;
complicated course of childbirth: placental abruption, bleeding during childbirth and the postpartum period, birth trauma to the mother or newborn, the imposition of obstetric forceps or a vacuum extractor;
the age of the parents, the presence of extragenital (not related to the reproductive organs) diseases in the mother - diabetes mellitus, obesity, heart defects, cardiovascular diseases, hepatitis, etc. are taken into account separately. Note the presence of bad habits.

For each group, there are separate protocols of the Ministry of Health on preparation for pregnancy, its management and delivery. We will stop on the standard list of recommended tests and examinations. This list can be expanded depending on the specific situation:

examination by a gynecologist on a chair, with a mandatory smear for cancer cells, examination of the mammary glands, colposcopy according to indications;
Ultrasound of the pelvic organs;
testing for STIs with a sexual partner. Laboratories offer whole lists of tests, but the standard protocols include: chlamydia trachomatis, mycoplasma genitalium, herpes simplex virus, performed by PCR. Separately, a smear is given for the detection of Trichomonas and sowing for gonorrhea. Blood is taken from a vein for enzyme immunoassay for syphilis, HIV and hepatitis B and C;
analysis for infections of the TORCH group. This is blood from a vein for the content of antibodies to the following infections - toxoplasma, rubella, chlamydia and herpes. Sometimes this list can be extended;
in regions endemic for thyroid disease, tests for thyroid hormones may be performed;
therapist consultation. If a woman has a chronic disease, consultations of narrow specialists in the profile: endocrinologist, cardiologist, infectious disease specialist, and so on;
consultation with a dentist and sanitation of the oral cavity.

At the stage of pregnancy planning, spouses are also advised to give up bad habits and take folic acid at a dosage of 400 mcg / day at least a month before pregnancy.

Features of planning a second pregnancy after 30 years

Every year the age of multiparous women increases. Having a second or third child after thirty has become the rule rather than the exception. Any special preparation for pregnancy at the age of thirty-plus is not required. This figure is taken by doctors as a kind of threshold, which increases every year. This is due to two main reasons:

After thirty years, a woman is more likely to have any chronic disease that can complicate the course of pregnancy. That is why it is especially important before pregnancy to consult with specialists and, possibly, undergo treatment.
Women over 30 in the general population are at greater risk of having fetal genetic abnormalities. This does not mean that every such woman will have a similar problem. It’s just that families where the mother is over 30 and the father is over 40 are shown a consultation with a geneticist before pregnancy and in its early stages.

Features of planning a second pregnancy with a negative Rh

Another burning question is this. Every woman with a negative Rh factor, especially when planning a second pregnancy, worries about this. This question is relevant only if the father of the unborn child is Rh-positive. Otherwise, this question can be omitted.

If there is a possibility of a Rh conflict at the stage of pregnancy planning, it is necessary to find out:

woman's blood type
the blood type of the father of the child;
blood type of older children;
whether there were abortions, miscarriages, obstetric invasive procedures and blood transfusions;
whether there was a Rh conflict in previous pregnancies, in what form it proceeded for the fetus;
whether prophylaxis of Rhesus sensitization was carried out in previous births and what kind.

There is nothing more that an Rh-negative woman can do at the planning stage. Already during pregnancy, a woman should carefully monitor her health, follow the recommendations of a gynecologist, take antibody titers monthly, and perform planned prophylaxis at 28-30 weeks.

Alexandra Pechkovskaya, obstetrician-gynecologist, specially for the site