Sex after childbirth. Sexual life after childbirth: when is it possible? Sexual life after natural childbirth: reviews

Sexual life after childbirth should be resumed only after a gynecological examination and testing. Despite good health, the reproductive organs cannot recover as quickly as a woman would like. When resuming intimacy, one should not forget about contraceptive methods, since the absence of menstruation does not guarantee that there is no ovulation. The first sexual intercourse after childbirth can bring pain and discomfort. This is due to the traumatization of the birth canal and the hormonal background of the woman.

Check-up after childbirth

It takes time for a woman to fully recover after childbirth. You should not rush and start an intimate life before the doctor allows it. When discharged from the maternity hospital, women are advised to visit their doctor during the first month (for deregistration due to pregnancy) and two months after childbirth (for a gynecological examination).

The procedure is not prescribed earlier than two months later (in the absence of complaints from the patient). This is due to lochia - postpartum bleeding from the genital tract, which normally lasts from 3 weeks to a month and a half. If a woman has had a vaginal birth, she may have stitches on the cervix, on the walls of the vagina, from a perineotomy, or ruptures of the external and internal genital organs of varying degrees.

The disappearance of nodules from self-absorbable threads, which were sewn up with tears and incisions, occurs from 5 days to 3 weeks. If the material does not dissolve on its own, they are trimmed before discharge. This is a painless procedure.

C-section

If a woman did not give birth on her own, and the fetus was removed by surgery, the body needs more time to recover. Inspection is also scheduled after 2 months. After a cesarean, lochia will last as long as after a natural delivery.

Postoperative wound healing can take up to 2 months. Complications and inflammation after caesarean section are 2 times more common. The scar on the uterus should be fully formed after 6 months. A woman is advised to limit physical activity for this period. Early onset of sexual activity not recommended due to the risk of infection.

Resumption of sexual activity

At the first examination after childbirth, the doctor checks whether the sutures have healed correctly, whether the uterus has contracted, whether there is any bleeding, and takes smears to exclude the inflammatory process. An ultrasound examination is necessary to assess the condition of the scar on the uterus, if there was a cerebrotomy. In the absence of contraindications based on the results of the examination and tests, the doctor will allow intimacy.

You should not live sexually while maintaining postpartum discharge. This will lead to infection of the pelvic organs and the inflammatory process in them. The cervix remains open after childbirth and is formed for another 8 weeks. The penetration of infections during this period occurs much more often. If the sexual partner is sick, you should not have sex without using condoms.

After childbirth, it is necessary to protect yourself from pregnancy for 3 years to allow the body to fully recover. After this time, you can plan the next child. Your doctor can help you choose contraceptive methods. Prevention of unwanted pregnancy during breastfeeding (HB) is possible in the following ways:

The lactational amenorrhea method is based on the absence of ovulation for 6 months after birth with a full breastfeeding baby. Mandatory conditions for maintaining a constant level of prolactin and suppressing lactation with this method are feeding on demand, at night, at least 10 times a day for 30 minutes, refusal of complementary foods and supplementary foods in a baby, lack of menstruation in a woman, the period after the birth of a child is less than 6 months . The reliability of the method is 80%, even if all the rules are observed, ovulation and pregnancy may occur.
Birth control pills. If a woman is breastfeeding, she is allowed Charozetta and Lactinet. You can start taking them 6 weeks after giving birth and until the end of breastfeeding. The contraceptive effect is reduced if the woman's menstrual cycle is normal. The efficiency is 99%.
barrier contraception. Condoms are the easiest and most convenient method of protection. The efficiency reaches 98%.

Problems with intimacy

You may encounter some changes in intimacy after childbirth. The most common of them is an increase in the size of the vagina and a lack of natural lubrication in a woman. The organ changes due to the passage of a child or even several children in a row through it. Its dimensions are restored during the first 2-3 months after the birth of the baby. To speed up this process, you can perform Kegel exercises.

The birth of a long-awaited baby has a huge impact on a young family. Changes are taking place in almost all areas, including in sex. One of the problems is solving the issue of when after childbirth you can live an intimate life. The man suffers the most from the change in the schedule of sexual relations and the need for abstinence.

The resumption of sexual relations is influenced by many factors of a physiological and psycho-emotional nature. Among these factors, a special place is occupied by the passage of pregnancy, the severity and complications during the birth of a child, the recovery of a woman in the postpartum period.

Already in the maternity hospital, a young mother receives the first recommendations from a doctor about how long after childbirth one should not engage in intimate life. The average period for abstinence, which is recommended by doctors, is 4-6 weeks.

The standard time is recommended if the pregnancy and the birth itself passed without complications, without ruptures, incisions, heavy bleeding and in a natural way. Caesarean section imposes certain restrictions on the beginning of a couple's sexual relationship.

The specified time period is required.

The uterus should return to the state it was in before pregnancy. Bloody discharge indicates that the process of recovery of the uterus continues.
The stretched vagina should return to its shape.
Healed place of attachment of the placenta to the wall of the uterus. The premature onset of sexual life often leads to the penetration of infections into the inflamed wound and the development of endometritis - inflammation of the uterus.
With a caesarean section, it is necessary to wait for the complete healing of the suture on the uterus itself. Often, when the suture on the skin of the abdomen heals, the internal scar left during the operation on the uterus has not yet healed. This can be determined only after examination by specialists.

How when to start

The period of abstinence becomes one of the most critical in the relationship of a young family. A man tries to hasten the beginning of a regular sexual life, often reproaching his wife for not wanting intimacy, for coldness. How long after childbirth can you start having sex - most women decide this issue on their own, based on their own feelings and the physiological state of the body.

Before starting an active intimate relationship, it is necessary to undergo an examination and get advice from a gynecologist when it is safe to have sex after childbirth. The doctor will recommend those contraceptives that are best suited in a particular case.

Sex is not just direct sexual intercourse. In sexual life after childbirth, there are many ways to give spouses satisfaction to each other. Intimate caresses, as well as an oral way to satisfy a husband, are the types of sex that spouses can do. If the desire is mutual and it is accompanied by an appropriate attitude, then the connection of young people will only become stronger.

The first intimacy after the birth of a child very often reminds couples of the “first time”, which was accompanied by pain for the woman. That is why a man should be especially attentive to his wife. The husband must be very careful. The first sexual intercourse does not have to be completed. In case of severe pain, it must be interrupted.

You need to choose the right posture. Many postures used in the past can now be uncomfortable. Until the woman has fully restored her health, the choice of a position for sexual intercourse should be left to the wife. Frictions should be slow, a man should not rush. In the event of an interruption of the act, young people can give pleasure to each other in another way.

To strengthen the intimate muscles, there is a large group of exercises. The simplest and most affordable for all women will help to quickly resume sexual life.

Exercise: Lie on the floor on your back. The pelvic floor muscles work. Exhale - the pelvic muscles contract. Inhale - unclench the muscles. 1 approach - 10-15 times. Movements begin slowly, gradually accelerating.

Doctors recommend performing Kegel exercises to restore sensitivity. These exercises increase the tone of the muscles of the perineum. The first time to understand which muscles need to be reduced, an attempt to stop urination by arbitrarily straining will help. These are the muscles that need to be trained. The woman, having taken a comfortable position, begins to contract her muscles. Do 2-3 times a day from 10 times approach. The number of contractions is gradually increased to 50 in one approach.

I don `t want

Many women change their attitude to intimate life after the past birth. Some husbands regard the wife's refusal to start sexual relations as frigidity that has appeared, make scandals. There are many reasons why a new mother is afraid to start living a fulfilling sex life. Often the psychological state of the young mother is to blame for such a refusal.

After the birth of a child, a woman's usual life changes dramatically. Now all the time is subordinated to caring for the child. “There is no time for yourself and for your husband,” young mothers often say after giving birth. To save a family, it is necessary not only to take care of the child, but also to support the natural desire of the husband to have sex, you cannot refuse to be close to your loved one.

Decreased desire is a protective function of the body, given to man by nature. The little man needs constant care in order to grow. Regular sex can lead to a new pregnancy, which will not give proper care to the first child. To prevent an early onset of intimate life after the birth of a baby, a woman's production of estrogen, the hormone responsible for the feeling of pleasure, decreases.

Reasons that influence desire:

Contraception

For many couples, the appearance of a second child in the near future is undesirable, which is why the issue of contraception is so important. Many people think that a breastfeeding mother cannot get pregnant. Breastfeeding reduces the possibility of re-pregnancy, but does not give a 100% guarantee that a woman will not become pregnant.

The problem of resuming intimate life after childbirth is often very acute. Women usually do not have a strong desire to start sex immediately after the birth of a baby, but they are interested in the question: how long after giving birth can you have sex without harming your health. The answer to this question depends on many factors. Before understanding the timing, it is important to decide why you can not have sex after childbirth.

After childbirth, a woman needs time to recover, so you should not rush into sex

After childbirth, a certain time period must pass, when the female organs will be restored after the birth of a child, before those who have given birth can start an intimate relationship with their husband. Each mother has such a process on an individual basis, so it is impossible to say the exact time when sex is banned.

The female vagina is restored in time from two to six months. It is necessary to focus on your own feelings and the testimony of a personal gynecologist. Be sure to wait before the first sex, until the wound left after the placenta is healed. This occurs on average 1.5 months after the birth process.

The minimum period when you can have sex after childbirth, doctors call a month if the lochia has already ended and the stitches have tightened. It is best to get your doctor's approval before making love to your spouse a month after giving birth.

Note! There are different methods of intimacy. If you want to satisfy your beloved man, you can practice oral sex after childbirth or petting. You should not immediately after discharge from the maternity ward to sleep with a man. This can lead not only to physical, but also psychological problems.

What are the problems?

New moms often complain that it hurts to have sex after giving birth. Questions arise: what could be the reason for this, and in general, is it possible to have sex after childbirth.

A man should be extremely careful during the first intimacy with his wife who has given birth. Firstly, some responsible relative must be with the baby at this moment so that the mother does not worry about her child. A woman must definitely control the process of making love, change some sexual positions if they bring her discomfort, not pleasure.

During sex after childbirth, women may experience pain, so a man should treat this with understanding.

Pain during the first sex after childbirth may be due to:

Dryness. This is due to the fact that the production of a hormone such as estrogen decreases. In this case, you need to buy special lubricants in pharmacies or stores that sell sex products. The best option is a water-based lubricant, it will not cause irritation.
The mucous membrane of the female organ is injured by ruptures, so unrecovered tissue can respond with pain during sexual contact. In this case, only time will help. If after six months there is no relief, it hurts just like the first time, then you can contact a specialist. In some cases, plastic surgery is recommended.
Infections and inflammation in the uterus. This is indicated by symptoms such as pain in the lower back and lower abdomen, unpleasant odor and strange-colored discharge from the vagina.

If the spouses are in a hurry with intimacy, then blood may appear after sex, a doctor's consultation is recommended. Bleeding occurs due to:

mechanical impact on the vessels;
unfinished lochia is renewed due to physical impact;
complications after childbirth.

Lack of desire

It is by nature that a woman does not want sex immediately after giving birth. This is due to the fact that you need to take care of the newborn and give him all the time. In this case, the loss of interest in making love with a beloved husband is quite explainable by hormones and instincts. Do not worry, after some time the desire will appear with renewed vigor. Prolactin, which is produced in large volumes, if a woman breastfeeds a baby, inhibits desire, suppresses passion.

In the first months after childbirth, a woman devotes all her time to caring for a child.

How to speed up the process of normalizing the hormonal balance, make it so that you want intimacy with your husband? Have sex "through I do not want." At the same time, it is possible that a woman will not receive an orgasm, but she will receive emotional satisfaction completely.

What other factors influence the fact that you do not want sex after childbirth?

Great physical activity. A young mother gets tired physically and emotionally, at the end of the day she just wants to sleep, and not to satisfy her husband.
Often there is a psychological problem. The woman feels guilty before the child because while she could deal with the crumbs, feed him or play with him, she has sex.
Lack of communication with people. Sometimes the attention of friends, relatives is not enough, the communication of one husband is also not enough. So a woman tries to vent a subconscious resentment.
A woman in labor feels ugly, unwanted due to the fact that her figure, hair or skin deteriorated during pregnancy. The appearance is shabby, because there is not enough time for yourself - you have to devote every minute to the crumbs.
The woman fears that a new pregnancy will happen. In this case, you just need to protect yourself.

All problems, when after childbirth you don’t want to sleep with your husband, are solved. Most often, after six months, the desire appears again. No need to dwell on your own problems, in this case you will not want sex for a very long time.

How to increase libido?

There are several methods on how to accelerate the appearance of desire, how to cope with psychological factors that have a great influence on lowering libido.

A good mood and well-being of the mother is the key to a healthy atmosphere in the family.

The baby is always happy when the mother is in a good mood. You should not wind yourself up and reproach yourself for changing your beloved child to your beloved husband. Otherwise, the ardor of the spouse will cool over time, the relationship will deteriorate, does a young mother expect such a result? Having sex after giving birth does not make a woman a bad mother.
Even if the husband quits his job and stays at home, in connection with which he can communicate with you around the clock, he will not be able to replace all his acquaintances and close people. Chat with friends on social networks, call up in your free time, find new acquaintances on forums on the Internet or in the park for a walk. Surely in the next house there lives a girl who also recently became a mother.
There should always be time for self-care. While the baby is sleeping, a woman can make herself a mask from improvised means, for her face or hair. If you follow a postpartum diet, you can very soon bring yourself into shape, which was even before pregnancy. There is no point in despairing.
You don't have to take on all the household chores. Let me help close people: husband, grandparents. After all, they are also happy to babysit a new family member, but mom will get a good rest.

stitches and sex

Most women in labor are stitched after delivery. This happens due to the fact that doctors in the process of childbirth dissect the perineum, gaps form. Gynecologists put stitches, and in order for the wound to heal and not give complications, you need to give it rest for some time. In this case, sex immediately after childbirth is unacceptable, as it will lead to problems with the seams.

Important!The stitches dissolve within a week, usually it does not take longer. If you do not follow the recommendations of doctors, the seams become inflamed and bring discomfort to the woman who has given birth.

Wounds after childbirth should heal well

The fear of a woman and the desire not to rush into the restoration of intimate life are quite understandable, the spouse should not rush in this case. Wounds after natural childbirth should finally heal and not bring problems to mommy.

If during sex after childbirth the pain persists, and the stitches have already healed, it still makes sense to consult a doctor.

Contraception after the baby is born

There is a myth that you cannot get pregnant while a girl is breastfeeding a child. This is not true, pregnancy often occurs during lactation, so after the birth of the baby, you can sleep with your husband, but at the same time protect yourself in order to prevent a new pregnancy so quickly.

The most common and simple method of contraception is a condom.
Oral contraceptives. They will not only protect against unwanted pregnancy, but also restore hormonal levels. It is possible to apply OK only after consultation with a specialist.

Important! They can only be used when breastfeeding is no longer allowed.

Spiral. It can be delivered already 2 months after the birth of the baby, if there are no contraindications, infectious diseases and inflammatory processes.

It is worth remembering that only complete abstinence gives a 100% guarantee. No sex, no pregnancy.

Methods of contraception

C-section

After giving birth, when can I start sleeping with my spouse if I had a caesarean? Usually, the recovery period, when a woman gave birth by an operative method, is delayed. If there were no problems during the restoration of the reproductive organ and the healing of the suture, then the first sexual contact is allowed already 1.5 - 2 months after the significant event. Why can't you have sex earlier? This can harm women's health, the seams will become inflamed, problems will arise with the uterus. It is better to abstain for a couple of weeks than to go to the doctors for many years.

Girls experience surgery differently. Someone already in a couple of days completely departs from anesthesia and surgery, while others even after a month cannot fully recover and feel good.

It is best before the mother decides that she is ready to resume intimate life, undergo an ultrasound of the uterus, consult a gynecologist, how best to have sex with her husband for the first time. If after childbirth it hurts during sex, then the body has not yet fully recovered, you need to wait a few more weeks.

The early onset of sexual activity, especially if the girl’s body is not yet prepared for it, is fraught with many problems in the intimate sphere and childbearing.

However, in today's situation, only two out of ten pregnant women are talking about childbirth at such a young age. The remaining eight have an abortion. 60% of first pregnancies end in abortion, and two-thirds of girls who have an abortion before the age of 18 develop infertility.

Sexologists say that regular sexual activity until the age of 18 hinders mental and physical development. The fact is that sex is a huge stress for the psyche and the endocrine and nervous systems, which is beyond the power of a developing organism.

To avoid the consequences of stress, young people begin to use alcohol and drugs, change partners, but nothing gives them satisfaction. This causes many teenage depressions leading to suicide.

When to start having sex?

Psychologists consider the optimal age for the onset of sexual activity to be 19-20 years old for girls and 22-24 years old for boys, that is, there is a gap of 5-10 years between the first sexual desires and complete physical and mental maturation. And what to do all these years? Scientists say: refrain.

The largest endocrinologists, physiologists, gynecologists and psychiatrists agree: there are no diseases that could be caused by abstinence in this age period.

Moreover, the energy required by young people to reach full physical and social maturity is sublimated, that is, transformed from sexual energy. And when sexual energy is wasted, a person loses moral and physical reserves for growth and personal achievements.

This is well known to sports coaches. In big sport, sexual life is allowed only after 22-25 years, because only at this age does it become compatible with huge sports loads. And even for adults, physically mature athletes, 1.5-2 weeks before the competition, complete abstinence is recommended - for the accumulation and mobilization of forces.

When can you start having sex?

There are no strict age or physiological limits. You can start when the person is ready for it. Readiness is meant psychological and informational. Psychologically, you must want it, and want it with this person, right now, in the conditions that exist today, want it of your own free will, without feeling any sacrifice on your part. Informationally, you must know in detail the features of female and male anatomy, physiology, methods of protection against pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, methods of emergency contraception in case of unforeseen circumstances, have the coordinates of a doctor who can be contacted at any time for help and not be afraid that he will not take you seriously, scold you and tell your parents everything.

You must not only know the theory of contraceptive methods, but also have contraceptives with you and be able to use them, and also accept for yourself the principle for life - take care of yourself. Your protection is your own business, not your partner's, even if he is more experienced and promises to take care of everything and you believe him in everything - do not let anyone be responsible for your life and health, except for yourself - NOBODY else can handle it with such a burden, and pay for it - only you and your unborn child. You must forever forget about the so-called. calendar method, calculation of safe days, coitus interruptus and safety of sexual life during menstruation. All these are myths worthy of only one thing - to be forgotten forever. You should also be aware of the ways to diagnose early pregnancy and how to terminate it real, not mythical.

You should exclude such a source of pseudo-medical information as the advice and experience of girlfriends, mothers or partners, Internet forums, articles in popular magazines, films - all this is an exchange of myths and rumors between amateurs, reliable information can only come from professional sources. You should have a place where you can meet safely without fear and where hygiene products are available. You must have money to buy contraceptives and pay for doctor visits and possible treatment. You should think in detail about the issue of relations with your parents on this topic: what and when you tell them, so as not to live in constant fear - they will find out / kill and not lie.

The first time is remembered for a lifetime. Not only by conscious memory, but also unconsciously - this is the first experience that the body encounters, and it writes it down on a white sheet as an example, with which all the others are then compared. The first time can determine your ideas about the norm for life, it's like the New Year - how you meet, so you can spend it - Therefore, try to make it perfect, do not let random impulses spoil future happiness.

You must love and feel loved. You don't have to fight with yourself and force yourself. And you have to ask yourself a hundred times - WHY you want it .. and whether you want it. You must be confident and feel your dignity. If you hesitate, then it's not time yet. And it doesn't matter how old you are.

When NOT to start:

Blackmail. "If you love - prove it." Love has never been proven in bed - and it does not require proof at all, it is a way of life, not a set of proof actions. If you think that your love needs to be proved, then you yourself do not believe in it. You are a free person and are not obliged to prove anything to anyone - you are who you are - and you can pretend to be different, but not become. And if this does not suit someone, then it will not suit them further, and you will never be free with this person. If you succumb to blackmail and -prove-, you will simply voluntarily allow yourself to be used - and it is from this that you will feel bad in the first place - from the fact that you yourself allowed yourself to lose dignity and betray your love - and even blame someone.

Victim. "I want to give him the most precious thing, so that he understands how much I love him". This is the same as the first option, only an even more perverted idea of love. Love has nothing to do with sacrifice - it is a feeling that only free people are capable of, ready to recognize and respect freedom in others. Therefore, he does not insist - he respects your freedom and waits until you are ready and make your free choice, without sacrifice, yourself, without shifting responsibility on him. Appreciate his nobility and be worthy of your partner. Take responsibility for yourself - do things without sacrificing for someone, but because you want it yourself. If you don't want to, don't do it. Understand that he will not be happy from your sacrifices, after which disappointment, regret and accusations of ingratitude will surely come. Do not humiliate your love with evidence, wait until you are ready.

If you consider the Beginning as a proof of your love, its necessary criterion, its guarantee, your duty towards your beloved, an exam for your devotion, a sacrifice expected from you on the altar of love and other similar thoughts hover in your head -. You would still wait - but some kind of material reinforcement of your words is expected from you - wait! You are not ready yet.

Age. "It is time". This argument is not worthy of lengthy discussion. Readiness does not depend on calendar age. Why did you keep yourself up to such a respectable age, as you now think - In order to go against yourself with the same doubts as before - You do this to put a tick in front of some critical year - You are no longer a little girl, if you are so worried about age - it means you already have the ability to imagine - what will happen next, after this desperate step - Something will really change for the better - Or you will then spend long nights communicating with your make excuses with your inner voice - If you are doing this because you are already so many years old, but still something is missing in life - learn to love. With this skill will come true readiness and a worthy object.

Self-assertion. "I'm already an adult, and this is the main occupation of adults." A typical childhood trait is to imitate adults, not understanding the essence of actions. Try on my mother's shoes, although they are terribly uncomfortable to walk in - why does she wear this, because she is an adult. Make up - but now you won’t touch your eyes, you won’t go out into the rain, and in general your face has become so sloppy - why does she do this, because adults all put on makeup, it’s necessary. Say -adult-words, although you yourself want to plug your ears- Try to smoke, drink, then suffer, then overcome your disgust and continue - and why am I worse than adults. And let it be bad for me, and let me be ridiculous in my childish attempts to imitate, and let me really not want all this at all. But that's how it's supposed to be. A teenager should rebel and do everything out of spite. He must be different from a child - adults must finally see that a teenager is NOT a CHILD, but an adult. And adults see a typically childish trait - to try everything that is unknown and copy their adult behavior in their own way. They have always been touched by this feature, and now they are touched by it in the back of their minds, because in the first place, of course, is their concern for your health, just like in childhood when you played with glass and fire. But besides these experiences, all the same, the remaining thoughts are not - -how he matured-, but -what a funny child he is, but I thought - he is already an adult-. Like this. Keep this in mind just in case when you do something to prove your worth. Consistency, independence, freedom, self-respect, responsibility - all these are signs of an adult, independent of his calendar age. And like all true values, they do not require proof, they are obvious! And if it seems to you that others do not recognize them for you, then they simply do not exist yet! Do not break your life, inventing evidence - engage in self-improvement, this will prove to everyone your Adulthood much faster.

And don't forget - adults do have more rights. But they also bear much more responsibility. And they dream of getting rid of it for a while and being able, as in childhood, to shift the responsibility onto another. For someone else to deal with the consequences of their mistakes. Unfortunately, in sexual life, each person clears up his mistakes himself - mom will be glad to transfer all your suffering to herself, but she can’t! Infections are for you to treat, abortion is for you, infertility after an abortion is for you to treat. You're old enough and ready for this challenge- Or maybe you should wait with that kind of self-assertion and go back to the good old antics like provocative hair and loud music. Let it be only touching, not tragic - evidence of your growing up.

Curiosity. "There's so much talk about it - you should finally try it." Also a childhood classic. Try how fire burns, try how a toy breaks, try how a pencil draws - try a drug, try sex. So much talk! I want too. If you don't like it, I won't - it's just a test - once.

You know, curiosity is generally a trait inherent in all living things. This is the basis of learning, gaining experience. This is a wonderful property when it is correctly satisfied - first at the expense of someone else's experience! Everyone knows the saying that a fool learns from his own mistakes, and a smart one learns from others. Let now you do not trust the specific adults who surround you, and despise their personal experience. But there are books! Mankind has written all its experiences in books more than once! Why not once - yes, because she also did not trust the experience of previous generations; But the moment must come when the next inexperienced person will be smarter than the previous ones - and will not just read, but BELIEVE the experience of mankind. He will believe that the drug differs from the usual substance in that it causes addiction - sometimes - the first time, and it is not known whether it will cause you the first time, therefore, you cannot rely on the experience of your friend. He will believe that it is easy to get pregnant and get infected from the first unsuccessful time, and sex becomes the best pleasure in the world only when a person is ready for it!

I get emails EVERY DAY that say: "I tried it. I didn't feel good. Why is there so much talk about it? What am I doing wrong?" Maybe someone will take into account this experience - the experience of your peers and contemporaries! I can assure you that if you are not ready yet, your curiosity will not be satisfied. You will remain in the dark, moreover, in disappointment, you will blame yourself and your partner, you may lose faith in yourself and decide that you are not allowed to experience this pleasure at all - remember the importance of the first experience - the body can remember it as the norm - and give out these feelings all subsequent times - In general, if you really want to know what it is - read books about love, watch movies, develop yourself as a person and learn to love. And you will know everything in due time - and only a small child can be offended by such a phrase, and the older a person is, the more often he repeats it - for a reason. And because it comes to him!

Fear of standing out. "In our class / yard / institute - EVERYONE is already walking and talking! I'm the only one" This is a famous joke. And you, too, tell! If you really want to be like everyone else. It's a classic sign of immaturity, but it does have an outlet. An adult, of course, will simply skip this item, because it does not concern him. The basis of his adulthood is that he is not afraid to be different. Not deliberately deliberately wants to stand out with an earring in his nose. This is a tool for those who have nothing else to stand out, forgive me those who want to be offended by this. Not on purpose not to be like everyone else - because this is also lack of freedom! And just do not be afraid in some situations, when there is a choice between personal freedom and dogmas established by someone - choose your freedom. Here it is important not to confuse dogmas (such as the onset of sexual activity before a certain age) with norms (such as the onset of sexual activity with a condom). Rules are for people's safety! Dogmas have no rational explanation. This is how they differ.

How to prepare for the first time

Get acquainted with basics anatomy And physiology female and male reproductive system. Find out how all this is correctly called, how it looks, how it works, what is true and what is a myth. There are many books and articles and even educational films about this. Do not trust information received from girlfriends.

Explore your menstrual cycle. Mark the days of the beginning of menstruation, count the length of the cycle. To then understand - a delay or not. Do not immediately be scared if the cycle is still irregular - this may be an age-related variant of the norm. Do not draw conclusions yourself - if something bothers you, the doctor should understand. Do not try to calculate dangerous and safe days from your schedules - there are none, you can get pregnant on any day of the cycle, even during menstruation. If one of your acquaintances was carried away when they were protected by this method, this is a happy accident for them, which may not be so happy for you.

Find your doctor. Here you can use the advice of friends or mothers, search on the Internet. The doctor should be available to you - psychologically and financially, without this you cannot start. The doctor should advise you regarding the selection of contraception, preferably BEFORE you start. And of course, you should come to the doctor immediately after the Beginning - take smears, look at the condition of the cervix - and then do it regularly.

Buy quality condoms and learn how to use them. Condoms should always be with you, the myth that this is the business of a man is a myth, this is what you need first of all. There should be several of them with you - in case of repeated sexual intercourse, because everyone should be protected - do not run to the pharmacy in the middle of the process. A condom is the best way to start a sexual life, because it is the only one that prevents the transmission of germs. And even if you start with a person in whom you are confident as in yourself, the composition of microbes in this person is still different. And when other people's microbes (normal, not infection) get to another person, they often cause an inflammatory process - just as a reaction to someone else's. This inflammation is not always a sexually transmitted infection, but it is a consequence of the transmission of foreign microbes, therefore it proceeds with the same signs and is treated in the same way - with antibiotics. Inflammation of the genital tract - colpitis, - thrush - and the bladder - cystitis - are very frequent companions of the Beginning. If you start with a condom and use it for the first few months, trouble can be avoided. Even if you and your doctor have chosen hormonal contraception as a protection against pregnancy, you still need to use a condom at the beginning - because hormones do not save you from infections.

A condom only works if it is put on on time- at the very beginning, before the introduction of the penis into the vagina. Otherwise, if you put it on just before ejaculation, it is practically useless: the lubricant released from the head of the penis during intercourse contains spermatozoa and microorganisms - thus. and unwanted pregnancy and infection can occur even though you put on a condom afterwards. That is why such a common method of contraception as interrupted sexual intercourse is also ineffective, except that partners do not always have time to interrupt it. And again, if you have a lot of acquaintances who so far - carried - you should not risk your health - you should have an abortion, not them.

How to use a condom and what to tell your partner

To keep the condom from falling off did not break in the process, it must be of high quality (well-known companies: Durex, Lifestile, Contex, Preventor, Innotex, and not cheap Chinese), with an unexpired expiration date, bought at a pharmacy. Young people reading this paragraph should also remember that some girls, wanting to get pregnant, pierce packages - and check the integrity of the package yourself, and best of all - use those that you buy yourself. What if it's true.

You also need to know putting on a condom correctly: they all have a sperm reservoir at the tip, so it is necessary that there is no air in the condom (and in this reservoir in particular). It is when there is air inside that the pressure increases during movement, and the latex breaks. In order not to leave air inside, before putting on (before rolling out), it is necessary to tightly clamp the tank, releasing air from it, and then put it on an erect penis, again pressing it tightly and all the time squeezing out possible air down from the condom - into the street - . This is a certain skill that is not at all ashamed to learn alone on a cucumber or a banana.

During anal sex, some anatomical features, when even expensive condoms break, and also when you know that your partner is a carrier of a serious disease, for example, hepatitis B, or when, due to certain circumstances (taking antibiotics, strong drugs, etc.), pregnancy is not is simply not needed, and its onset is catastrophic - sometimes it makes sense to put on two condoms at once.

Take off the condom it is also necessary on time and carefully, otherwise all precautions will be taken in vain if, after removal, the sperm enters the vagina.

Remember that pregnancy and infection can lead to contact sperm into the vagina. This does not necessarily mean violation of virginity. Spermatozoa can get from hands, clothes, underwear - during games and caresses. The hymen is not a barrier to sperm - it has a hole in it! You can get pregnant during anal sex if the sperm gets into the next hole later. You can get pregnant with interrupted intercourse, in particular - repeated, when the first one was with a condom - because there may be remnants of sperm on the penis. It is impossible to get pregnant during oral sex, but it is possible to get infections - the same as during normal sex.

Remember that you have 72 hours after unprotected intercourse for some reason to resort to the so-called. emergency contraception- postinor - but this is just in case of an accident - rape or a rupture of a condom. It is an alternative to abortion and should be treated as such, it is not much more harmless.

Know about the structure and features hymen. Everyone has it. But it is easily stretchable and does not always break. Very often it only strains, then there is very little blood for the first time, but it appears on the second and third time, along with unpleasant sensations - it turns out that every time is like the first. Don't worry, sooner or later it will end when it finally breaks completely. If spotting during intimacy has a source not external, but internal - you need to go for an examination and check the condition of your cervix, with erosion this phenomenon is quite frequent. But we have already said that going to the doctor in any case is obligatory after the Beginning. Sometimes the hymen does not even tear, but only stretches. Then there is no blood at all, and you may receive a reproach from your partner for not virginity. Meanwhile, this is the most common of the possible situations. The hymen is stretched, you feel discomfort not only for the first time, but also in subsequent ones, especially at the very beginning, which then disappear - this is normal! The hymen hole remained as it was, so at the beginning it is always unpleasant. But it stretches, and in the process the discomfort disappears, especially if there is enough lubrication. Finally, the hymen will most likely tear during childbirth. As you understand, virginity is not a state of the hymen. You can keep anatomical virginity, having been engaged in sophisticated forms of sex with different people for years, and vice versa - you can lose your virginity as a result of injury or rape, remaining completely inexperienced for a long time. But if it is the state of the hymen that interests you, such “virginity” is easily restored surgically. Only whom will you deceive in this way - A man also judges your experience not by the appearance of the hymen. And he also knows about the operations to restore virginity :)

Learn about pregnancy diagnostics. If you doubt the reliability of your protection in advance, before menstruation, you can find out about pregnancy 8-10 days after intercourse by donating blood from a vein to the pregnancy hormone - beta-hCG. There is NOTHING to know before. None of the "signs of pregnancy" - nausea, change in taste, sensitivity to smells, sensations in the abdomen, lower back, increased urination, sore breasts and/or nipples, breast engorgement, changes in weight and mood - are not reliable signs of pregnancy, as well as their absence is not a guarantee of its non-occurrence. Sometimes even menstruation cannot be a guarantee, because in the early stages of pregnancy there may be a threat of interruption, expressed in bleeding. In the people it is called -washing the fetus-. Such - monthly - as a rule, differ from the usual ones in terms of abundance and soreness, after them all the sensations of "pregnancy" remain. A urine pregnancy test can be done no earlier than the first day of delay, before that its indications are invalid. It can be false negative even after a delay, so if it does not show pregnancy, but there is no menstruation, go donate blood. Ultrasound shows pregnancy in the early stages - only after a week of delay and only done by a vaginal sensor and a skilled specialist. Otherwise, its negative result does not mean anything. An examination by a gynecologist on an armchair will also not say anything specific in the early stages. Therefore, the only reliable test is a blood test in combination with a vaginal ultrasound. Again - assess your readiness - You can go to a paid laboratory and take a paid urgent blood test from a vein for pregnancy in your city -..

Learn about. Termination of pregnancy is called abortion and there are no alternatives to it. No hot baths, herbs, milk with iodine, pills and other shamanistic tricks. All attempts to get rid of pregnancy without going to the doctor are dangerous for your life.

Get to know the basics psychology of the opposite sex. For example. Men tend to clearly separate love and sex. Women tend to combine them. The ability to share (even with the same person) comes with experience, but at first for girls these are synonymous words, and this is the reason for their broken hearts. No need to overtake your experience and stock up on cynicism - you just need to try to understand that your partner's attitude is different from your attitude. And this is normal, and he does not want to offend you, and he is not guilty of anything and he does not deceive you! It's just that men and women have different truths, that's all. Women tend to have sex because they love. And men - because they want to have sex. And how can you blame them for being honest, and women live in captivity of their fantasies, transfer their ideas to him and think that he lives according to their laws and if he has sex, then he loves- How can you accuse men of cheating when they succumb to the persistent requests of women whose hearing is an erogenous zone - -say that you love-- How can you blame them when they repeat this to please a woman, because if they remain silent out of honesty, she will be even more unhappy, they already checked this - How can you later, when it turns out that it was just sex for them, to claim that they deceived you - you deceived yourself, not knowing, not wanting to know the features of their physiology and psychology. Men and women are people from different planets, and if you want to keep your mental health while gaining experience, always remember this and don't be fooled. Be free and let your partner be free - and enjoy free communication.

Learn to please yourself. Study your body, your reactions, learn to have an orgasm. For some reason, many people think that a partner should teach them. Why he should know you better than you yourself- It is very important to learn BEFORE you start, then you will know what and how you should achieve, you will be able to teach your partner how to properly please you, and you will not be disappointed by early starters . For they often begin in order to find out why. And if you find out in advance, then this reason will disappear, and then there will be time and strength to wait for the true reason - mutual love. You will also be able to give pleasure to yourself and your partner without violating your virginity and without exposing yourself to the risk of infections and unwanted pregnancies. And of course, in advance, avoid the need to pretend, imitate pleasure, so as not to convey your disappointment to your partner, who is not to blame for anything.

Train pelvic floor muscles. There are special Kegel exercises, the simplest - squeezing the muscles of the anus and holding it in a compressed state, as well as interrupting the stream of urine during urination by force of the muscles - and holding it. This is not only useful for the pelvic organs - like any exercise, it not only increases the sensuality and strength of orgasm, it also helps prevent such a frequent unpleasant phenomenon as air entering the vagina during intimacy - this happens due to untrained muscles that cannot grip the penis tightly - then, as in the case of air in a condom - during movement, the pressure rises, and the air comes out with force - only in this case it exits through the entrance to the vagina, making a characteristic sound that can ruin your whole mood and sometimes - for a long time to settle in you shame and awkwardness.

Find the right one place, time and resolve the issue with parents.

How to start

First, you must be confident in yourself, that you are doing the right thing, of your own free will, and do not feel guilty about it before anyone.

Secondly, you must be confident in your partner and not be afraid to tell him something. He is not obliged to guess (and this is impossible) the thoughts in your head, and believe me, he is now worried a little less than you, and really wants to do everything that depends on him so as not to harm you. Because he treats you well and because he also understands the importance of the First time for subsequent ones - what attitude do you have towards It now - it will be very difficult to deal with such a later in the future, so it is beneficial for everyone that the first impression is good! Therefore, since you have common goals and objectives - help each other, do not become isolated in your supposedly personal problems, but learn to trust and talk about what worries you. Then it will be much easier for others to help you. Arrange in advance for signal, which will mean - immediately stop! - just in case.

Thirdly, you must create the right atmosphere. There must be a bath or shower, there must be a comfortable and -quiet-, not creaky bed, there must be a closed door, there must be peace of mind that no one will open this door from the other side.

To relax a little, a little wine won't hurt. Only a LITTLE - and wine, not vodka and beer. Otherwise, the action will be quite the opposite. Intoxication should not reach such an extent that you forget the need and the rules for putting on a condom.

Teach your partner to please you and get orgasm BEFORE penetration. Substances released in the brain during orgasm - endorphins - a person has learned to synthesize artificially - and called them narcotic analgesics - they eliminate pain, lull and cause addiction. Use natural analogues - it's that easy!

After you have had pleasure, endorphins own your brain, and the amount of lubrication is enough for penetration, the condom is put on correctly - you can have the first sexual intercourse itself - defloration. Still, remember the physiology - there is a hymen and it needs to be torn - so the feeling of an obstacle is normal, the unpleasant sensations of tension and even creaking are normal, acute pain is normal, blood is normal. Also remember that for many, the hymen does not tear, but stretches, and therefore the absence of a sensation of an obstacle, the absence of blood is also normal. Do not leave the pain - on the contrary, lean towards it and open up - you yourself want it - so do what you want yourself - and enjoy it - it will quickly cover temporary pain. If anything - you always have the opportunity to give the coveted signal. An alternative that is sometimes resorted to - artificial, surgical defloration - going to the doctor and cutting the hymen with a scalpel or a surgical laser - does not solve the problem of pain - the hymen itself remains in place and still there will be pain at the first entry. In addition, the incisions can heal - and everything will have to start all over again. In addition to pathological conditions - see the article "" - natural defloration can be tolerated, especially if you get an orgasm before that. The main reason for your sensations during sexual life - pleasant or unpleasant, the selection of one among all and fixation on it - is psychological, not physical. Therefore, you must first prepare and solve problems in your head and life, and then start a new life with joy, and not fear and deliberate expectation of the bad.

If lubricants not enough, you can use artificial, BUT! When using a condom - only water-based - gels. You can special, sold in sex shops - for example, Montavit gel. You can use other gels sold in a pharmacy, for example, solcoseryl gel - not intended for lubrication, but which can replace it. Fat-based creams and ointments, including hand creams, face creams, baby creams, liquid paraffin, dissolve latex, so they should never be used with a condom.

After any intimacy, a shower is desirable, and after defloration, a shower is required. Or a bath.

Then you can do whatever you want - everything you read about and saw in films, everything you dreamed about - love each other. Do not forget that EVERYONE should be protected sexual intercourse in your life, not just the first.

If you know all this in advance, along with the basics of contraception, you will be really ready for the No-Drama Beginning. No one gets behind the wheel without learning the rules of the road. And how well a person has learned them, as well as how well he understands driving a car, depends on his own safety, even if other drivers make mistakes.

And once again about age. Where, after all, is that criterion - up to this point it is still too early, but from now on - it is possible - And why does age not matter when the Beginning is a clear exit to adulthood. You can't become an adult when you're a child. And you can't, as an adult, keep your virginity - it's illogical. In fact, there is a criterion. And it really is adulthood. Adult- this is a person who is able to take responsibility for his health, his life, and also ready to take additional responsibility for the health of another adult person - his partner, and also - always ready to take responsibility for a possible child that an adult can always have. That's when you - financially, informationally, psychologically - are ready to take responsibility for yourself, your partner and your unborn child - to bear it yourself, without blaming anyone, knowing what you will do specifically when problems arise - this means that you are old enough to start. And then, when you want to do this, this is already your free choice, which should absolutely not depend on age and other false reasons that we tried to sort out in this article.

“When can I have sex after giving birth” is a question that worries both new and future parents! And this is absolutely not in vain - with the birth of a child, many things change in married life, including sex. Let's try to understand this difficult issue.

After discharge from the hospital, doctors give standard recommendations: abstinence for 6-8 weeks. This is due to the fact that after childbirth, the uterus needs to be freed from the remnants of blood. So, the place to which the placenta was attached turns into an open wound during childbirth. Abstinence for this time is necessary for uterine contraction, repair of damaged tissues, etc. Therefore, until they run out - this is about a month or a month and a half, gynecologists recommend abstinence from vaginal contacts for the following reasons:

Firstly, possible infection into the uterus, cervix, or vagina.
Second, after intercourse possible re-bleeding due to the fact that the blood clots formed in the vessels damaged during childbirth can come off due to the blows of the penis during intercourse.
Thirdly, if the birth was complicated by an episiotomy (rupture of the perineum followed by suturing), then recovery time may be longer even up to 2-3 months - until all the seams are completely healed.

" Very many women feel soreness at the beginning of the resumption of sexual intercourse after childbirth.

When this discomfort can pass depends on the individual, and no doctor can predict the exact time. There are a lot of sensitive nerves in the female genital area, when the perineum is torn, they are damaged, and these nerve endings can be clamped in the sutures. And because the matching of these torn edges cannot be 100% accurate, due to the fact that the tissues are very mobile and soft, the configuration of the vagina can be somewhat changed. This can provoke pain even in those positions that were previously very comfortable for a woman.

Sex after caesarean section

" Delivery by caesarean section also involves abstinence for 4-6 weeks.

And the point is not only in the scar on the uterus, which, like in natural childbirth, heals the same 4-6 weeks, but also in the place where the placenta was attached - it should also heal. It should be noted that the seam on the abdomen heals much earlier, but, unfortunately, it is not the main indicator of muscle recovery.

Difficulties in sex

Let's try to analyze the main "difficulties of sex" faced by young parents.

1. Lack of natural lubrication - vaginal dryness.

This is often due to the fact that in the body of a woman after childbirth, the level of estrogen (pleasure hormone). It is not difficult to overcome this problem, it is enough to purchase in specialized stores lubricant gel. And if you support breastfeeding, then you should definitely carefully study the composition of ointments, since many of them contain hormones which is strictly contraindicated in breastfeeding.

2. Weakening of sensitivity.

“Everything has become huge, there is no sensitivity” - many women and men note after childbirth. This is primarily due to the fact that after the baby's head passes through the birth canal, the vaginal muscles become sluggish and relaxed. Some women even become depressed after childbirth due to the fact that before childbirth they could experience both orgasm and arousal, and after childbirth they lost it. And by the way, the legend that it was after giving birth that a woman began to experience an orgasm does not correspond to reality. Rather, it only seems purely psychological, since from a physiological point of view, due to the weakening of the walls of the vagina, there is a weakening of sensitivity, and hence a decrease in excitation.

You can speed up the recovery process by doing Kegel exercises. These exercises improve blood circulation, increase sexual tone, and may even help control orgasms. In order to master the skill of contraction of the muscle, shaped like a figure eight and covering the entrance to the vagina and anus, you need to slowly draw in the anus, trying to contract the muscle surrounding the vagina. This movement resembles the moment when you can consciously stop urinating. This exercise can be done in any position at any time, starting with 1 time per second, 30 times for every hour. There is another exercise for the same muscle, when within 5 seconds there is a slow retraction, and then a slow relaxation in the same 5 seconds. At this time, you can imagine that you are drawing something into yourself and sending it up the spine.

" These exercises are remarkable in that they allow you to practice at any time: on a walk, lying in front of the TV, etc.

3. Pain at the entrance to the vagina and in the perineum.

At the beginning of the resumption of sexual relations, a woman should try to relax as much as possible and not interfere with penetration. The most suitable positions for this are "face to face" and "woman on top", in which you can independently control the level of penetration of your partner, which will help to avoid pain. Still, unfortunately, after suturing, the configuration of the vagina can be changed, and so, against the background of the special sensitivity of the mucous membranes and skin in the perineum after childbirth, pressure during intercourse almost always leads to pain.

Help soften those seams. can ointments for keloid sutures, for example, Solcoseryl, Kontratubeks, etc.

It is extremely rare, but still there are cases when pain is associated with significant violations of the anatomy of the vagina that occurred after the operation during childbirth and this problem is solved only surgical intervention.

4.Psychological difficulties, associated with fatigue, postpartum depression against the background of a changed figure, etc.

It happens that after 9 months of bearing a child, a woman has become so close and accustomed to him that after giving birth, her thoughts can occupy nothing but him.

In addition, it is inherent in nature that the female does not need another cub, as long as this requires care and attention, therefore she does not experience sexual attraction. The burden of responsibility and fear for the child can completely “cover” a woman and even develop into depression, against the backdrop of general incomprehensibility and isolation. If it is so difficult for you to leave the child alone, you can purchase a baby monitor and, during the child’s sleep, retire with your spouse, but at the same time “be on the lookout”.

Many women may feel unattractive due to enlarged breasts, flattened waists, and other changes that inevitably come with childbirth.

"Psychologists still advise giving your partner the right to choose, and if he wants you, then all your complexes are in vain.

Of course, this does not mean that you need to relax, dissolve in the child and do nothing. Your current figure is just a temporary phenomenon and it all depends on you: stick to a balanced and healthy diet (which will be useful not only for you, but also for your baby who is breastfeeding), do gymnastics, walk more, etc. If, nevertheless, the desire is gone, then you should not immediately refuse your spouse, try to remember the best moments of your sex life. Try to carve out a moment just for the two of you, arrange a romantic evening (or morning) with beautiful underwear and everything that worried you before the baby was born. And most importantly, remember that sex is not a service "for a husband", that it is joy and positive emotions for the two of you!

So, the time for determining the beginning of sexual life remains with the woman, and everyone has the right to determine this period for herself, but I really want the lovely spouses, despite all the difficulties of the first days, weeks and months spent with a newborn baby, not to go in cycles only in the child and remember that only mutual love, support for each other's interests and mutual respect will help you return the joy of sex, regardless of how long after giving birth you resume it.