You should know how family life changes after the birth of a child. Young parents about how life changes with the advent of a child
The birth of a new person is always a miracle and a huge stress, both for the newborn and for the mother. After long months of waiting and painful hours spent in labor and subsequent childbirth, a woman finally becomes a happy mother. An important point in all this is the procedure of imprinting or imprinting by the baby of the mother immediately after birth. If this does not happen, then the natural mechanisms inherent in a person trigger a hormonal reaction, as a result of which both the mother and the baby suffer.
In prehistoric times, a woman could not leave her baby for a minute, she was obliged to protect her child, take care of him and in no case remain indifferent to her maternal instincts. The result of a violation of the imprinting process could only be the birth of a dead baby. In our time, the action of hormones has not weakened at all, and a mother who has not touched her just born baby involuntarily falls into a state of grief and loss. Grieving for failed motherhood gives rise to postpartum depression.
What happens to the baby at this time?
The child, now in need of the smell and warmth of the mother's body, desiring mother's affection, is wrapped in a diaper and taken to the maternity ward to other similar sufferers. The kid really suffers, after a state of peace and tranquility, absolute security, he is subjected to the deepest stress. The aquatic environment in which he has been for nine months is replaced by an airy one, and an unprecedented flow of oxygen burns his lungs. The only saving mechanism inherent in the child, crying, does not save the poor man, since the mother does not hear him and cannot come to the call of her crumbs. Meanwhile, the child expends enormous efforts on crying, his entire small body is strained.The kid asks for life, movement, affection, but instead, he, immobilized by a diaper, is left alone. The first feeding again brings peace to the child, but the impressions from it quickly dissolve in a series of endless waiting for life. The baby's skin is especially sensitive and delicate, experiencing irritation, comparable in sensations to a burn, after a long stay in wet diapers or diapers.
Subconsciously, the first days of the child leave their mark on his entire future life. All his future expectations from life, achievements and failures will be based on this.
A woman who loves her baby immensely feels irresistible tenderness towards the child, but at the same time she is afraid to spoil him and therefore, from the very first days, she tries to drown out unreasonable, in her opinion, impulses. She is afraid to take the child in her arms once again, caress him, because then she can become a slave to her baby and raise a little tyrant.
However, it is maternal love, affection and attention - this is what is so necessary for a child in infancy. Later, he will grow up, begin to learn the world himself, and less and less of his attention will be paid to his parents. His life will be filled with completely different interests.
The correct relationship between mother and child established between them from the moment of birth will make the child's life prosperous, full of joyful events and justified expectations. They will allow a woman to realize her destiny, to calm her maternal instincts just when their action is so necessary.
Otherwise, in the future, when the baby becomes an adult who does not need constant care, the mother will not be able to let him go, still seeing him as her little child. There is a time for everything in the world, the instincts in a person are laid down by nature for a reason, they have helped humanity survive for many centuries. The maternal instinct is no exception, and therefore you should not try to drown it in yourself. If a newborn baby cries, then he wants to report something.
When planning a pregnancy, or suddenly learning about it, you should immediately understand that the future life will change one way or another. The sooner you accept this fact, the sooner you can better prepare yourself for your new role.
It seems that being a mother is only solid pluses: a new loved one is with you, there is no need to go to work, and so on. But there are also disadvantages in the form of sleepless nights, hormonal disruptions, excess weight. It turns out everything is not so simple! Let's figure it out, is there life after the birth of the first child?
Expectant mothers are entitled to leave in connection with childbirth and further care of the child. We are not considering legislative terms now, but simply tell the understandable state of affairs that a woman who has given birth to a child should rest and return to normal for a certain period. If you are employed, then there should be only joy (of course, if you are not a workaholic).
If you have your own business, then you should not immediately run away from the hospital to solve deadlines. Take a time-out for a while or delegate what you can for a while to a trusted person, but leave the key decisions to yourself. In the first months, your attention will be occupied by the chores and responsibilities of caring for a baby. It will be a 24/7 job that requires you to be as immersed as possible. However, you also need to find time for yourself.
Including take the decree as a chance for a kind of reassessment of life: “Am I doing what I wanted to do?” This is the time to try something new. Most girls begin to engage in areas that they have always wanted to try, creativity and their appearance, bringing them to forms that they could not dream of even before pregnancy. It is unreasonable to think that you will plunge headlong into motherhood and put an end to your life. For example, you want to make a toy for your blood with your own hands and it will turn out so well that it will later turn into a family business.
And also try to read not only literature related to the baby, but also one that will allow you to broaden your horizons. For example, you have long wanted to read about the latest innovations in makeup and clothing, or how to do something with your own hands, or maybe you are interested in history - and there was a catastrophic lack of time for this before. Now it has become a little more.
The decree is not only a break from work, but also the search for new ideas and opportunities. This is some reboot of your consciousness.
Changes in the body
It is completely unreasonable to hope that they will not be unreasonable, but to make sure that there are a minimum of them or they are completely gone. It is better to worry about this in advance at the stage of pregnancy:
- First, eat healthy food.
- Secondly, try not to overeat.
- Thirdly, do physical exercises that are allowed during this period and specifically in your condition. If the supervising doctor asked to refrain from exertion, then just walking in the fresh air will never hurt.
The same principles should be followed after delivery.
If stretch marks appear during gestation, which most women cannot avoid, then it is quite possible to try using special gels and creams to get rid of scars. Just be sure to consult a doctor, especially if the newborn is breastfed. If during pregnancy you acted as you should, then there should be a minimum of stretch marks.
The breast gets the function of feeding, so during pregnancy it increases in size, preparing for the future filling with milk. The very process of feeding also stretches the bust. To feed or not to feed is a purely individual decision. If there are no medical contraindications, then doctors advise natural feeding, since in the mother's milk the newborn receives the necessary substances for health, as well as immunity. Plus, the very process of breastfeeding psychologically tells the child that he is safe next to his mother. If suddenly you decide to transfer the baby immediately to artificial feeding, then remember that quality will be very expensive for you, although it will retain the shape of the bust.
In addition to the chest, changes will befall the stomach, or rather even it in the first place, due to being inside the baby. If you do the exercises, then it will return to normal after a while. Of course, there may be difficulties with muscles and so on, but most often these are individual characteristics. And will help speed up the process. If stretch marks appear, then they can be dealt with with the help of special means, which we spoke about earlier.
For long months, cellulite can appear on the hips, as the body accumulates substances to the maximum for further delivery. But this is the lesser of all the evils that can arise with appearance. Proper nutrition, exercise and massage will help get rid of it.
If the body has changed, it makes no sense to fall into hysterics and seize problems. You need to train if there are no contraindications.
There is a case - we go to the gym, no - we do the exercises at home. If you look for excuses, then you will not be able to fix anything, and the once beautiful forms will only blur. We need to break this vicious circle. It will become a new life after the baby is born.
The appearance of a child is a good reason to lead a healthy lifestyle. For example, exclude alcohol, tobacco and other harmful products. Not only can they harm the newborn through milk, but in the future the baby will adopt the habits of the parents. You hardly want him to become a passive smoker, do you? Parental example, the main thing that a child needs in education.
Psychological condition
Postpartum depression is quite common. Basically, it occurs against the background of hormonal changes, but more often it is the psyche trying to fit into a new state of affairs, because now you are a mother and you have a different level of responsibility. There is a fear of not coping with them, of harming the newborn. This happens against the backdrop of not the most ideal appearance, here the husband has cooled off a bit, as it seems to us. But in fact, he himself is in shock because he became a dad. We'll fix it all!
First, remember that a calm mother is a calm baby. The baby very well feels all your emotional changes. For a baby, you are the whole world, and only with you is he safe. Appearance with a certain attention will return after a while, it is only worth the effort. And husband? He loves you very much, but feels abandoned with the birth of a child. Show care and attention to your spouse, as before, help him get used to the new status. He will gladly help you with household chores. Assess the situation sensibly, and remember, no one but you can change it.
Newly made mothers remain wonderful women who find it useful to go out from time to time, beautifully dressed and put on makeup, and take off their chores for at least a couple of hours. This will straighten out your difficult condition, because you will feel irresistible again.
If you yourself cannot get out of this severe state of depression, resort to the services of professional psychologists.
Help after childbirth
You and your husband were waiting together for the moment the baby appeared, and now he is finally with you, but the spouse is afraid to even breathe on him, and not what to pick up. Maternal instinct wakes up before paternal. Not only have you been with the new family member since they were conceived, but the hormones that are produced help to connect with the new being. The man needs time. Consciously, he understands that this is his child, but emotionally there is no attachment yet. In order for it to appear, it is necessary to create a special atmosphere of interaction between them.
For example, first organize a joint bathing of a newborn. At first, you will be present at this event, and then over time, more and more often leave them together. This is dad, he will not do anything bad to his blood. The same method can be applied when walking.
Remember, the more often the father interacts without you with the child, the faster he will get used to the new role.
In certain cases, if you have the opportunity to ask for help from the grandmothers of the baby, then you should use it to free up time for yourself or a couple of hours of sleep.
Sex
It’s good if you and your spouse were preparing for the changes in life associated with the appearance of a baby: attended courses and trainings, listened to the advice of doctors, thought out the future. It happens, but not always. And sometimes it's like snow on the head. Not every man is ready and understands how life changes after the birth of a child. He can feel himself not only unnecessary to his wife during gestation, but especially after delivery, when the wife pays all her attention only to the newborn. The main thing here is to find a balance that will require maximum strength from a woman if she is.
The most difficult time for a family is the first couple of months. It is at this point that the crisis occurs. An important role in the relationship is played by the wife, she not only needs to take care of the baby, but also remember that she has a beloved man who also needs attention.
“Is there an intimate life after the birth of a child? ” – this question is asked by many couples. Sexual life should be maintained throughout pregnancy, if there are no prohibitions from doctors. There are special safe positions, and no one most often forbids oral sex. Be sure to consult with your obstetrician-gynecologist about this. After childbirth, it will take some time for the uterus to return to normal and lochia to come out. But even at this time, you may well find options with your spouse to please each other sexually. As soon as the gynecologist gives the green light, you can make love in the regular way. This usually happens 1.5-2 months after birth.
An important issue remains that desire may not immediately come to you due to the fatigue and hormonal changes that many women suffer after the birth of their first child. It's hard to feel like a sex bomb again, but it's possible. After all,
the most significant thing is to accept yourself in this moment with all the flaws. You have passed the ordeal and should be proud of yourself.
Moreover, you now have a plan on how to put yourself physically in order. It is good if the husband additionally joins the process, telling you that you are beautiful and desirable.
The hardest part is when it comes to having fun. This is due to the fact that during pregnancy and childbirth, the muscles of the vagina weaken. But there is a way out! It is enough to perform gymnastics, or rather Kegel exercises, to reduce the internal muscles of the vagina. After a fairly short time, they will restore tone.
If you didn’t get an orgasm before giving birth, then many sources claim that everything can change after. After childbirth, the hormone oxytocin is produced, which has another name for the “hormone of happiness”. It awakens the maternal instinct and increases sensations during sex, removes blocks, due to which orgasm is achieved faster and becomes brighter.
Relationships with friends
Were you very sociable: meeting with colleagues, shopping and discussing ex-boyfriends of girlfriends? Now you are a mother who devotes all her time to the family. For your psychological stability, getting rid of postpartum depression, you should balance between old friends and a new state of affairs. The decree is not eternal and after a certain period you will want to return to your old life, work and friends.
When meeting with friends, especially if they do not yet have children, you should not immediately start talking about your child. It is better to talk on neutral topics, and only then, if a direct question is asked, already turn the conversation around. Many childless are not yet ready for such a heat of emotions associated with babies.
If suddenly old friends suddenly began to turn into just acquaintances with the advent of a baby in life, then do not be afraid to be left alone. You'll quickly find new mothers just like you who are happy to discuss the hardships and joys of having children and how your life has changed since giving birth.
multitasking
How has your life changed since having a baby? You just became a superhero! Prepare dinner, rock a stroller or a crib, and at the same time still manage to correspond with a girlfriend on a social network. This is the reality of the average parent who does not have nannies and grandmothers at hand.
But the newly-made mommy has other helpers that can save a lot of time that she can spend on herself:
- washing machine,
- multicooker,
- pumping centers,
- home delivery of groceries,
- wrinkle-resistant fabrics.
If there is a financial opportunity to take an assistant who will solve the issue of house cleaning or laundry, then feel free to take it. If not, then there are books, apps, groups on social networks where you can find many options on how to get the most out of everything in a day, even if you have a baby. Many moms even start working from six months at home or outside.
conclusions
The most important thing that you gain is the happiness of being a mother, which cannot be experienced in any other way. The baby will open up new facets and opportunities in you that were dormant before. You will make new acquaintances and expand your worldview, you will become calmer about many things.
How life will change after the birth of a baby is up to you. Nature has done its own, but for the most part it's up to you!
Photos: Sergey Ivanyutin
The birth of a child, as one of the heroines of this material put it, is comparable to “a spacewalk without insurance”: it has acquired a set of fine clichés and frightening prejudices and predictably causes feelings in new parents ranging from delight to horror. The appearance of a baby - a continuous holiday or a nightmare? Is it possible (and is it necessary) to manage everything and not deny yourself anything, even if you do not have a million rubles and nannies? How to be a good mother or father, but not overdo it? How to build your comfort zone when everyone around you has an opinion and a ready set of tips? In the end, is it worth saying goodbye to the usual way of life forever? We asked several families who had children not so long ago about how the appearance of a child changed their life, habits and worldview and what turned out to be the most interesting or most difficult.
Dmitry, Zhenya and Anna
ANNA
PAVLYUCHKOVA
36 years old, managing director of Afisha Picnic, on maternity leave
DMITRY SMOLIN
37 years old, programmer
ZHENYA
9 months
All children are very different, but for some reason, few people warn about this.
I can hardly believe that there are people whose life has not changed since the birth of a child. This is either cunning, or the child from the very first days is imprisoned in a dense ring of nannies and relatives. Even clinging your teeth to the old way of life and adjusting the child to it, and not vice versa, it is impossible to deny the changes - at least at the level of feelings. The birth of a child is an incredible, crazy event, a full flight into space without insurance. Although, of course, to give birth or not to give birth is everyone's personal choice, and such a scenario has no right to be imposed either by society in the broadest sense, or by the inner circle, by the mother or the pope.
Expectations and myths are the main enemy of any young parent. “Well, now you’ll forget about sleep”, “At first everything is simple, and then colic!”, “It’s nothing, and then the teeth will go!”. All this forms a field of fears and doubts, as if without it it is not scary and not nervous. In reality, everything is simpler and more complicated at the same time: all children and all problems turn out to be very different, but for some reason few people warn about this. Zhenya and I are extremely lucky. Sounds like a boast, but it's actually more of a sigh of relief from a poker player who's hit the missing ace on the river. While we were waiting for what would happen now, like with friends - getting up at 5 in the morning and the song was over - she slept until 12, sometimes until one in the afternoon. Colic was shorter and less traumatic than anything I've heard about them. But there were moments that no one predicted that really made me worry: a three-day breast boycott immediately after birth, an almost six-month absence of the necessary Pentaxim vaccine in the country, a two-month correction of incorrect foot adduction with the help of plaster “boots”.
Of course, our regime has changed, but I can't say that it's dramatic. For example, now we watch a movie not in one evening, but in two. But the most amazing thing is that in 80% of cases I get enough sleep. It can be said that the changes are rather associated with the long-awaited emergence of the regime and systemicity. Many people talk about the lack of communication with friends and socialization in the first year after birth, but we have never been avid party people and prefer to cook dinner and nest on the couch with a movie or a book. The evening is the time when you can’t run away from the child and leave it to no one, and Zhenya can only go to bed with her breast so far (and she doesn’t recognize expressed milk from a bottle). However, all the first months of her life fell on the dead season by the standards of concert life in Moscow - she never had to bite her elbows.
Perhaps the main challenge for me was the refusal to work. Throughout my pregnancy, I struggled to imagine how I could let go of these reins. It was difficult: having gone on maternity leave on schedule, for a whole month before the “Picnic” I continued to stubbornly plow out of the house for several hours, although the cases were transferred to reliable hands. As a prevention of congestion and bedsores in winter, she joined a small project of friends, which ended just a couple of weeks ago. However, I do not plan to return to work for at least the first 1.5 years.
Traveling is another casualty of the new status and new life: it used to be possible to travel somewhere several times a year. Before pregnancy, Dima and I closed the gestalt by driving around the western United States by car, and on these May holidays we finally broke the pause with a road trip through Italy - now the three of us. Even for experienced travelers like us, this is a level up and a new wonderful world, where you have to eat in the “fall-wrung out” mode in the restaurant, and sometimes listen to Italian operas performed by your daughter in the car.
What has really changed in life is the attitude towards the inability to control everything. Failures in even the most built system are inevitable, and it helps a hell of a lot if there is a person nearby who can catch you and replace you before you feel like a terrible mother and a monster. In this sense, I was also wildly lucky with Dima (in general, it turns out that I was very lucky) - we have a truly partner parenthood. The diaper is changed by the one who can change it at the moment. Three-hour bedtime is done in shifts of 20-30 minutes. Bathing before going to bed is my father's domain, because strong arms and a not so sore back, meals during the day are my mother's, because for five weekdays a week, my hand will be full of falling with a spoon of porridge even into a bicycle wheel between the spokes.
But all changes, big or small, pale in comparison with some new, fourth dimension of reality, which opens up with the advent of a child. Watching 24 hours a day for a child to know the world and himself is exciting and like reading a good detective story with dashing intrigue. The joint experience of what is happening with a partner makes you a little conspiratorial, a little crazy and becomes a trigger for some new sincerity in a relationship: everything levels out the worst colic, sleepless nights, a year without vacation and the fifth pause in watching a movie in an evening.
With the advent of a child, you often want at the same time
both speed up and slow down
passage of time
Does life change with the advent of a child? Yes, a lot, no doubt. But to be afraid here, as they say, is too late. Well, or early, if the children are still only planned. In any case, it is much easier for us than for our parents: in the age of disposable diapers, disposable diapers, washing machines and dishwashers in every apartment, multicookers, radio and video baby monitors and widespread home delivery, the appearance of a child adds not so much, in general, and many new concerns. All this, however, does not increase the amount of free time in any way - it simply makes it possible to free your hands from everyday life to the maximum. And all the free time one way or another is taken by the child.
“Preparing” for the inevitable changes in life, in my opinion, makes little sense: both changes and new discoveries here are different for everyone. For me, the most unexpected difficulty so far, probably, was the splitting of time into small segments of no more than a couple of hours. The rhythm of your life adjusts to the “piecewise” rhythm of a child’s life, and this is certainly logical, but before Zhenya appeared, I didn’t even think about these rhythms and the inevitability of constant changes in context.
However, I won’t be surprised if in a couple of years I will miss this ragged rhythm - the most unexpected discovery for me was that with the advent of a child, one often wants to speed up and slow down the passage of time at the same time. “It would be quicker to see how she has matured” - and at the same time, “let her not grow up longer.”
Xenia, Aglaya and Ilya
KSENIYA TUNIK
22 years old,
motion designer
ILYA BUZINOV
24 years old, motion designer, animator
AGLAYA
1 year and 2 months
Decree for me is an opportunity to exhale and look around, understand where to move on
My pregnancy was unplanned and happened in a rather stressful period of my life, when I had to constantly be torn between work and study. Until the sixth month, I studied, and worked until the eighth - so I didn’t really prepare in any way, I just thought that I could finally rest to my heart's content (haha). In general, I have never seen myself in the role of a young mother - and now I think that it is still better to be financially successful first. Decree for me is an opportunity to exhale and look around, to understand where to move on, especially now there is a good reason to think faster. So I don't regret anything.
For the first two months after giving birth, I was sad and hard: my head was full of various nonsense, it constantly seemed to me that the baby and I were interfering with everything, that the stroller was wrong, that everything was wrong, and the whole subsequent life seemed suddenly completely hopeless. It's even funny to think about it now. We continue to meet friends, go to exhibitions and events, even more than before the birth of Aglaya. Previously, this constantly lacked the strength and time, now the desire to diversify everyday life wins.
I manage to find time to study computer graphics, but, of course, I would like more. Most of all I miss work. Here, one after another, materials about cool working mothers are published, the image of a modern heroine with a baby and a startup is, of course, my unattainable ideal. So far, I've managed to intercept only a couple of freelances and make a clip for a friend. So we have Ilya as a breadwinner.
It seems to me that the appearance of Aglaya strongly rallied Ilya and me. A child is not always easy and joyful, but Ilya's calmness and patience help us cope with all difficulties. Thanks to my family, I am learning not to whine and not get angry, and these sins terribly interfered with me even during work and study. But no matter how much you read or write about parenthood, everything will still be different for you, it is impossible to imagine all this wave of new feelings, thoughts and anxieties falling on you.
If the child appeared
a year or two earlier
i would be horrified
I have always lived with the idea that I will have a child, but sometime in the gray future. Although I always liked young parents: when children are twenty and parents are forty - almost one generation and views. Actually, that's what happened. We did not plan a child, but to some extent I was ready. If this had happened a year or two earlier, I would have been horrified, there were no skills, no profession, and I’m not talking about the moral side.
For me, first of all, the material issue was important, since we are not Muscovites and my upbringing does not allow me to sit on the neck of my parents. For a long time they didn’t tell anyone about the child: I didn’t know how friends and relatives would perceive all this, I was a little afraid (as it turned out, in vain - everyone provided such great support, I didn’t even expect it), they wanted to arrange everything, and then announce the news. A neighbor in the hostel for a long time did not understand why I was looking for an apartment - I said that I was just tired of living here. When I told my mother (and said on the phone) that Ksyusha was pregnant, at first she did not understand what we were going to do, and when she realized that we had decided to leave the child, she was delighted.
In general, the birth of Aglaya really concentrated me on business, before that I had no idea about time management, my work does not imply a clear schedule, and I could get up at 11 am or 2 pm, not like now. The child in this regard is very tonic.
Mark, Hanna and Vika
VIKA BOYARSKAYA
29 years old, cook
and journalist
MARK BOYARSKY
31 years old, photographer
HANNA
11 months
I was worried about how Mark would feel about Hannah. And now, when I see that he really loves, it's just space
The appearance of Hanna for us is one hundred percent planned and long-awaited story. During my pregnancy, I read dozens of books on parenting, health, parenting, development, and the psychology of children. For me, diving into the topic turned out to be addictive and enjoyable, and it is still a huge area of my interest. And yet I was preparing for the birth of a child as the end of my life. I was sure that I would not see the white light, I would constantly want to sleep, it would certainly be difficult for me to carry out the routine chore of caring for the baby, then it turns out that motherhood annoys me in general, I will not be able to combine it with work, I will start myself, my husband will not like me, I will fall into postpartum depression, we will not have enough money for food and diapers - in general, I seriously considered all the terrible scenarios at once. And I was also very afraid that the baby would be born and for some reason I would not love her at first sight.
But everything turned out differently. The first morning after Hannah was born, I looked at her and had tears in my eyes, she was so pretty. I could not understand why people do not give birth to children in a row non-stop. So she said to Mark: “We immediately, urgently need more children, I’m not enough for her alone, it’s too cool to stop.” By inertia, I continued to wait for something to go wrong and torment to begin. But Hanna slept, ate, slept again, put on weight, learned to smile. When she was three weeks old, we went to the Afisha Picnic and hung out there all day from start to finish. I couldn't believe we got a "gift" baby. Of course, we had sleepless nights, and rises at five in the morning, and the hated fireproof three extra pounds are still with me, but I can say for sure that I have never been as happy in my life as now, when we have Hanna.
As for work, everything turned out quite well for me too. A few years before I got pregnant, I changed careers, leaving journalism for the most part and working as a chef at Delicatessen. During pregnancy, this business had to be abandoned: it turned out to be too hard to stand the whole ten-hour working day on our feet, besides, Mark and I wanted to spend a few months before Hannah arrived in Asia, to travel together for the last time. Therefore, I returned to writing - this skill of mine brings enough money. I would no longer work full-time for anyone but myself: firstly, it is too important for me to be close to Hannah, and secondly, I think I am already ripe for some more personal professional history.
With the advent of a child, an interesting thing happens: I call it to myself “the third eye opened”. This is the first time I've encountered the fact that you can have a feeling for someone absolutely intuitively. We choose a partner, a favorite job, friends, being adult thinking people, loaded with our ideas about the world, logic, common sense. You see a child for the first time, and some unreal avalanche of feelings covers you, dictated by hormones, instinct and something else that the mind does not influence at all. In this state, you begin to look at other aspects of your life in a completely different way, you learn to listen to precisely these intuitive sensations, to recognize them both in relationships with your husband, and at the moment when you take on some new project at work, and just when you walk down the street. For an ultra-rational person like me, it's like an inoculation, the body receives a dose of intuitiveness, and some other level of perception of reality is triggered after that.
I was worried about what kind of father Mark would turn out to be. I had no doubts about his responsibility, that he would help and try, that our family would remain a priority for him. But she could not know how he would feel towards Hannah, whether he would love her. And now, when I see that he really loves, it's just space. I am very lucky that Mark gives me the opportunity to rest, while I do not feel any psychological discomfort, leaving Hannah with him. We share all the responsibilities for caring for her roughly in half. I feed and put to bed, just because I can do it easily and quickly, Mark walks, plays, gives me the opportunity to work or mind my own business and not think that something can go wrong.
I am alien to the idea that you can somehow arrange so that life does not change in connection with the appearance of a child. Firstly, why then do you need a child at all, if parents strive to make sure that he does not strain as much as possible, does not affect the usual course of things? I have a very good attitude towards childfree: I think that people who do not go on about the agitation to give birth, pouring on us from every iron, as well as those who do not “have” children simply because the “clock is ticking”, are honest with themselves and people who are capable of sensibly understanding life. I see the essence of love in change, overcoming, in refusing to think only about the needs of your ego. I really think that parents should give the child the opportunity to cry at night, hang in his arms, demand attention non-stop - and give him all this, because otherwise he simply will not be able to grow up healthy and happy.
We have lost the opportunity
to be alone and have not yet found a way to compensate for this
The birth of Hanna changed our lives very much. Everything, except for my work, has become different, even if you can formally call it the same words - from global things, like trips abroad, to a basic joint breakfast.
The pregnancy was planned and long-awaited. We wanted to have a baby for a long time and ended up doing IVF. We also went to courses for young parents, and prepared the house, and bought furniture. Almost all the key decisions in the choice of things related to the child, I entrusted to my wife. Because he knew it was important to her. And I preferred to simply not form my own point of view, so that later there would be no unnecessary disputes.
I can’t speak for my wife, but I will speak for myself: it turned out that the things we were preparing for, in practice, are very different from the idea of them. Without experiencing physically those feelings that fill you when every morning you see a little man next to you with a fluff on his head and wide open eyes, it is impossible to imagine them. Read about it at least a hundred times. And when you hear a child's voice for the first time, and when a child grabs your finger with a pen and just laughs. It's all very exciting. These are joys. The same goes for fatigue after several months of early rises, the inability to go to the cinema together, not to mention a party with friends, and what's there - lie in bed on Sunday morning and watch a series. This is sometimes sad.
We almost stopped going to the country for a whole year (it’s not comfortable enough with the baby), I abandoned running and exercising in the morning (the latter is my own laziness), choosing a direction for a trip abroad, we start from where it will be comfortable with the baby (then eat baby). But the saddest thing is that we lost the opportunity to be together. And, alas, I cannot say that we have found a way to compensate for this. On the contrary, if possible, I try to unload Vika, and she me: we get up in the morning to have breakfast in turn and at least once a day we go for a walk together with our daughter, giving the second one the opportunity to sleep or just be at peace.
I knew a lot in advance: that my wife would be at home with the baby, that I would try to help her walk, and that I would like it. What I didn't think about - so this would actually become my only personal time and replace my running. Well, yes, I could not expect that all meetings with friends will now turn into a discussion of children and running after them, for talking on serious topics and friendly chatter, only messengers on the phone remain. If I have been at any night / evening events over the past year, then only for work. I am lucky that the work gives such a variety of opportunities to broaden my horizons and not have a routine.
Our parents come to play or take a walk with their granddaughter on average once a week for a couple of hours, they are active and busy with us. In general, we are the only ones dealing with Hannah. Everything suits me, although I would like my wife to trust our grandparents more. And that they show more confidence in what they do with it.
Probably, I am not inclined enough to introspection and reflection to give a good answer to the question of what I realized / discovered in myself, in life, in relations with my wife. I have always been at home and family, even with friends I preferred to sit at home, chat and play board games or watch a movie, rather than go to a noisy party. It hasn't changed. I am a happy man. I've felt like this for many years. I really appreciate and love my wife. She is a wonderful mother.
Of course, like any parents, we made mistakes, but it's too early to judge them - our daughter is too small. The only thing I would definitely change is my first night alone with her in the family room of the maternity hospital. I was afraid to pick her up and left her in a transparent plastic cradle. She slept quietly or just lay, and I looked at her in the dark, but did not take it.
Ivan, Kostya, Anna and Grisha
I still remember
that helplessness that you feel when two children cry and want to be held, but you have to choose one
My pregnancy was very desirable and came almost immediately after our wedding. I found out that I was pregnant on the day I received a passport for a new surname. After a while - that there will be twins. It looked like this: I went for an ultrasound scan to a stern uncle-doctor, who first told me horror stories, then looked at the monitor screen for a long time and gloomily and eventually asked something like: “Do you want a child?” "Very," I replied honestly. "And two?" And then, of course, I burst into tears. I always dreamed of twins, but I never thought that this could become a reality. Then I read a lot on the forums of mothers of twins that, having learned about twins, they experienced conflicting feelings: joy, horror, fear, and anxiety that they would not cope. My feelings were so unequivocal that I don’t even know if I ever experienced such pure joy in my life as at that moment.
Throughout my pregnancy, I felt like I hit the jackpot. I was pregnant, and even with two children. It seemed to both me and my husband an unreal success and a reason for great pride. Although I was diagnosed with the rarest and most dangerous type of twins, accounting for only 1% of all multiple pregnancies, I remember my pregnancy as a very pleasant, meaningful time. I understood that it would probably not be easy for us when the children were born. My parents live in another city, my husband's parents work a lot, we ourselves then lived in a one-room apartment. But all these thoughts, oddly enough, did not interest me much. People often say that pregnant women become stupid, stop noticing the world around them, but I think that there is some kind of program laid down by nature in this. I wanted to endure and give birth to my children healthy, except for this, then nothing bothered me at all.
Did I have pink glasses on? Maybe. Although even now I cannot say that I experienced some unrealistic difficulties that would make me treat it differently. The most difficult thing was, of course, that there were two children. I coined the term "detjuggling" because I still remember the helplessness you feel when your two little kids cry and want to be held, but you have to choose one. Fortunately, this period passed quickly.
Before the birth of my sons, I somehow did not think about how I would distinguish them. I chuckled softly as I read about mothers painting with greenery or tying colorful strings to distinguish between identical twins. In fact, it turned out that this is really not easy, especially when you sleep little. This gave rise to a whole series of jokes in our family: “the main thing is not to feed the same thing twice”, “in the dark all cats are black” and “their own mother cannot distinguish”. There is also this professional joke about the mother of twins who screams to her children: “Whoever you are, stop it immediately!” That's pretty much how it all happens.
After the birth of children, both the husband and the parents helped a lot. I seem to have avoided postpartum depression mainly because everyone tried to support me and gave me the opportunity to be alone when I needed it. Of course, my husband and I were going through a new period of grinding, already as parents of two children. They say that it is especially difficult for men in the first months after the birth of a baby, because a woman’s love for children is biological, largely due to the hormonal background, while for men it is social and really comes much later. I think this is true, but Vanya was involved in this process as much as possible. From an early age, he was not afraid to be alone with them. When I returned to work, our children were 1.5 years old, and we even thought about him taking maternity leave and babysitting for a while. We later abandoned this idea, but I'm even sorry. I think he would do well.
Perhaps my only disappointment was that motherhood doesn't provide any answers. In the depths of my soul, I was sure that motherhood would reveal to me some new truth, a new me. In fact, I just got two people whom I love very much and who I want to take care of. Of course, some priorities have changed, but all those questions that I had for myself, for life, for the universe remained unchanged, they were not resolved in any way. There are even more of them.
Now children for me are first of all joy, and then responsibility, fatigue and everything else. People without children sometimes ask where I get my strength, although I rather think about where those who don't have children get their strength. It seems to me that life without children is very boring. Yes, there is cinema, wine and dominoes, but in essence it is all very monotonous. I think that in a person's life there are not too many truly deep experiences, even fewer of them are positive. Of course, children take a lot of energy, a lot of time, but in return they give something that is difficult to describe in words.
There were times when I waited to go to work to relax. At the same time, after work, I still wanted to return to the children as soon as possible.
For a long time I tried on the role of a father and modeled different situations, so the birth of children was natural for me. Preparing for the fact that you will have little sleep, there will be more expenses, responsibilities and all that. It was difficult to understand what exactly to prepare for: if with one child it is even more or less clear, then the twins introduced uncertainty. It was difficult for me to realize, for example, that we would be so deprived of mobility. If earlier my wife and I could break loose and go somewhere next weekend, now each trip is planned for six months.
I guess I fully realized that life had changed only 5-6 months after their birth. At first it seemed to me that all changes were temporary. It was as if some lovely, but very noisy relatives came to live with us. Soon they will leave (more precisely, they will grow up a little) and we will live as before. It seemed to me that this "as before" is generally possible. Children made me more careful about my decisions, about my plans. My relationship with my wife, it seems to me, has become more conscious, although at first it was difficult for me to come to terms with the fact that now most of the love and attention goes not to me, but to the children.
I had to sacrifice personal time and personal space. There were moments when I looked forward to going to work as an opportunity to relax. However, after work, I still always wanted to return to them as soon as possible. I think I began to appreciate Anya more, her dedication, patience, initiative. She constantly stirs up water, coming up with different activities and traditions for the family, and this acts as a bond. In everyday life, of course, new habits have also appeared. For example, we started watching series. I used to think that TV shows were for housewives, but with young children, this is the perfect opportunity to relax and switch in a short time.
Looking back, I wouldn't have done anything differently. It seems to me that my full time as a parent has not yet come. Small children still relate more to a woman. A man can only help or not help her. Only now, sleepless nights are finally becoming a thing of the past, and little by little children are beginning to speak, to explain their desires. I think that when they grow up, when it will be possible to communicate with them, to teach something, I will realize my fatherhood in a new way.
Cyril, Plato and Irina
IRINA SIETLOVA
28 years old, doctor
KIRILL SIETLOV
26 years old, comedian
and producer
"Evening show"
PLATO
1 year 4 months
During the night awakenings of the child, we worked
as a team of special agents:
every movement, half-glance - all in a single bundle
Two years ago, two weeks before my positive pregnancy test, I signed a contract to study and work in Germany for seven years. Tickets were bought, a letter of resignation was written, documents for a visa were collected. The decision to move was not easy, and the news of the pregnancy was shocking. My husband and I thought that children are not about us now, this is after dissertations, buying our own housing, in years! Now it seems to me that we easily made the decision to abandon the move and surrender to the flow of change. The pregnancy was easy and wonderful, I worked in the hospital almost until the birth and collected compliments. We traveled a lot that year, walking, hugging, breathing every day.
In recent weeks, we have postponed purchases. We were warned that almost everything needed was donated or given away. Turns out it's not about us. There were no young parents among our friends, so we bought almost everything ourselves and with great pleasure gave away a whole car of dowry to our pregnant friend not so long ago.
There were no specific expectations, we were inspired by books for young parents and were ready to catch and enjoy every second. It seemed to me that the first months would be devoted to getting closer to my son, in fact they were also about getting closer to my husband. Cyril was very helpful and supportive. During the night awakenings of the child, we worked as a team of special agents - every movement, half-glance, everything in a single bundle. When the child was two months old, I was admitted to the hospital (he hit me with a finger in the eye and injured the cornea), my fantasies that in spring and summer we would walk in the parks, and I would breastfeed the child in the shade of apple trees, were dispelled. Kirill spent two weeks with a two-month-old baby, causing amazement of our parents and destroying stereotypes about dads running away from screaming babies. He says that he is even glad that it happened, and he suddenly became closer to our son Plato.
We had to move from the city center, where we lived in a pre-revolutionary house on Chistye Prudy: Platon developed a severe allergy to a fungus that lived within the walls of the house. We ended up in the hospital again, and then in a rented apartment. On the first evening in the new house, I burst into tears: everything was alien, it looked worse than at home. Day after day, while walking in new places, the area began to settle down, there were new corners. I exhaled and surrendered to the changes, and they surprisingly began to happen: Kirill began to walk to work, our wonderful friends settled nearby, who soon also had a child, we began to spend time together even more often.
I had to forget about the order in the apartment, especially in recent months. Previously, we were supporters of a minimum of things - and now we are rapidly acquiring them. There is less time, many things can no longer be done spontaneously: go to visit late in the evening, go to the cinema right now, sleep through half a Sunday and have breakfast at about four on Pokrovka - we used to love it very much. We try to invite friends to visit, although many offer to meet in the center in the old fashioned way, but with a one-year-old child who is actively exploring the world, small cozy cafes with dense seating are minefields. In general, the frequency of meetings has fallen.
My husband and I have become more empathetic towards each other, he has a project that takes a lot of time, and sometimes the only day off, and I am very proud of it. I spend almost all the time during the day with my child. Cyril sometimes lets me go to the gym in the morning, unfortunately, these trips happen much less often than we would like. When Plato learned to sleep through the night (at about five months), I went to work in the hospital. Now I am on duty at night and on weekends, if there are calls. At this time, Cyril remains with Platosha.
Everything that concerns the care of the baby, we know how to do and do both. Sometimes parents come to visit us, we can go to the cinema or just be next to them, excitedly playing with their grandson. Now Platosha has become even more active, and ideally I would like to regularly order cleaning and farm products home. We used different services several times, but so far we cannot afford it. I think that we will soon review the costs and implement it, the comfort is worth it.
If I could go back in time and change something, then I would definitely have less confidence in outpatient pediatricians. Unfortunately, often their recommendations contradict each other and modern guidelines. So I had to educate myself, and my medical background helped a lot. Other than that, motherhood is a wonderful experience.
Pregnancy has become a super project for me, which forced me to mobilize
When it suddenly turned out that we would have a child, I was very scared. It seemed that he would put an end to our entire quiet classy life. Ira had no doubts at all that it was necessary to give birth, but I never doubted Ira. Therefore, he closed his eyes to fears and, together with her, stepped into all this, as if into a new, exciting journey. Somewhere it is not clear where, without money and documents.
It's one thing to accept and love the idea of being a dad. And another thing is that the child does not fit into your current budget. Pregnancy was a super project for me, which forced me to mobilize. Before her, I was a freelancer. He got up late, he could go somewhere with stand-up, he was among the most frequently performing comedians in Moscow, or he could shoot something on camera or watch TV shows all day. My little money, together with Irina's income, was enough for us to live on. But in such a world, there was nowhere to embed the child, so the world had to be rebuilt. From a leaf, I began to turn into a pebble. For the first time in my life, I went to work, which I have to go to every day, and a salary appeared. There was less free time, and I had to prioritize: where I definitely want to speak, and what can be neglected for the sake of time with Ira.
What was surprising was that these changes were first perceived as sacrifices in favor of the child. Over time, it turned out that these were not sacrifices, but positive things that raised the quality of life. I now have a fabulous job at the main Russian production company GoodStoryMedia, thanks to which I open up as a comedian from new sides. The prospect of having a baby didn't just move my career, it created my career. All my current victories and successes - projects on television or club parties - would not have been possible without the birth of Plato and Irina's support. This growth culminated in my own Kirill Seattle Tonight Show, which has been a dream of mine since I started doing comedy. A couple of years ago it was like the moon before him, and now I am surrounded by a real film crew, a team of enthusiasts, we are doing a television-level project.
I've always been good with children, but I've never been particularly fond of them. While waiting for Plato, we began to look closely at the children on the street: how old, what character, what hair, eyes, what he can do. First, you disassemble the children into parameters, like mobile phones. But the farther, the more you understand that your pie is sitting and will be in your stomach. And these children are also someone's pies, and they should all be washed, fed and loved. And adults are just adults, but also someone's pies. This gave a huge charge of compassion, sympathy, tolerance and the desire to understand people of a different age, gender and anything else.
Anna Krasnova
25 years old, TV journalist, photographer
Pavel Krasnov
25 years old, organizer of the poetry movement "Readers"
Demyan
6 months
I used to dream of jumping
with a parachute, and now I catch myself on what appeared
desire for self-preservation
After the birth of Demyan, I waited a long time for a catch: when the promised “tyrant” from the prophecies of others would take away all my free time and sleep. But that didn't happen in the first week or six months later. Perhaps we were just lucky: the son is almost always “on zen”, he can independently think about great things with the air of a philosopher, and at the same time he does not always need an army of others who hoot over him and shake rattles. But perhaps this is not just luck: I noticed a direct relationship between the nervousness of parents and their children.
Demyan is a pleasure to deal with: if he cries, there is a reason for that. There are not so many of them at this age yet - you can quickly guess what's the matter. The most important change with the advent of a child is the feeling of being in life. Parenthood has significantly affected both thinking and instincts: if earlier I dreamed of skydiving, now I catch myself that caution has appeared, a craving for self-preservation. Yes, I would not have taken this step so easily as before (I immediately felt ashamed of cowardice, but realized that, on the one hand, it was fear, on the other, love and you should not be shy).
Now I feel that my husband and I are a family, and not just a couple. And as if the birth of a son, and not a daughter, awakened in me a greater understanding of my husband. And in general, it seems as if, in general, men as a species have become more interesting objects for observation for me: I look more closely at boys of all ages, observe what they are interested in, and, as it were, spy on the opposite sex, imagining that one day my son will grow up. Relationships with their parents also deepened. I increasingly understand that my mom and dad were also young when they had me, just as confused and inexperienced, and that they gave and still give me.
We are lucky to have grandmothers. They are ready to sit with Demyan almost always, so we feel quite free: it was on maternity leave that I began to shoot many times more and devote time to creative projects. This is also because time is now worth its weight in gold. You spend less on Facebook and more on what really matters. I believe that in raising a child without healthy parental egoism, nowhere: after all, only with your active example and life position can you really influence him. This teaches him independence and creates partnerships.
We recently returned from Georgia: we went there when Demyan was four months old. The son perfectly endured the trip and all types of transport. Many do not risk going to public places with their kids, for example, to a cafe, but we found an excellent solution: most often on a trip, Dyoma hung out right on the table, lying on his stomach next to khachapuri - this is how he felt part of the general movement, was not capricious and caused other visitors have only the most tender feelings. Many believe that it is pointless to take children on trips, they say, they still don’t care where they kick their legs, as long as their mother with a secret weapon is nearby. But I completely disagree with this. It was during the trip that he had several breakthroughs in development, and upon his return it was not enough for him just to walk on the site. Demyan clearly got a taste and began to demand changes in the landscape, a great greed for impressions awakened in him.
With all our openness with Pasha to adventures with Demyan, we understand that there are all sorts of no-go-zones where it is inappropriate to go with children. For example, we were at Bosco Fresh Fest and saw a lot of parents with prams (these are the ones in which completely newborns move). But given that in such a place the basses tore the chest even for an adult me, is it worth saying what a newborn baby experienced?
Time has become less
but we have become so much more
appreciate it, plan it, try to carry it out
use it
The birth of a child is a very emotionally charged event, probably the most vivid impression of my life. Therefore, it is extremely difficult to describe it in words, like first love or space flight. All friends began to ask endlessly “how is it?”, but any most detailed comment will not allow you to feel “how it is” in reality. Therefore, I freed myself from long stories and, answering this question, I usually look into the eyes, smile and say: "Cool."
I found the biggest changes first of all within myself. You begin to feel yourself in a new way, priorities change, there is an understanding that there is such a cool guy (son) who doesn’t take out at all without parents. The paternal instinct instantly sprouts from your depths, becomes a part of your personality, pushes you to defend and steer questions. You immediately think: “Wow, I didn’t know that I turned out to be such a ... dad.” With the birth of a child, the circle closes. The first years of life a person spends unconsciously, he seems to miss his birth. When you become a father, you have the opportunity to relive this episode and understand: “Yeah, that’s how it was, my mom and dad fell in love, hop-hop, spin.” You recreate the picture and understand a little better who you are and where you are going. In a relationship with a woman, an invisible knot is tied, the connection is greatly strengthened. You are now forever connected, it's cooler than a stamp or a general mortgage. Everything falls into place.
Time has become less, but we have become much more appreciative of it, planning, trying to spend it usefully. I organize concerts and literary parties, I am also involved in attracting investments, I have a free schedule. After the birth of the child, it became clearer, I have a better idea of \u200b\u200bwhat I will do during the week. I know when we can go for a walk together, when one of our grandmothers will help (thank them!), and when it will be necessary to sit with my son myself.
I think we need to take it easy on the birth and upbringing of children. As my great-grandmother Yulia joked when I was born: “Why don’t we pour him a bowl of soup?” It is clear that we live in a progressive society and life is changing. On the other hand, there is really too much panic and paranoia around the topic of having children. The frenzied selfishness of people who are trying to prove something to someone with their child, to work out some of their complexes - that's what creates a negative background around this topic.
A child is a big responsibility, but you do not need to be a superman for this. You just need to love him. A child is your creative project, infinitely deep and interesting. Everything that I put into it, every smile, every story - it's not in vain. There is no need to be afraid of this, but it is worth preparing mentally.
When you are pregnant with your first child at a well conscious age, you simply cannot stop the flow of thoughts. They come and go. Good and bad scenarios of life ... You constantly think on the machine - how will my life change after the birth of a child? Can I be a good mother? Will I be able to find time for myself... Will I be able to make the child happy? And others, others, others...
The cycle of thoughts... It goes on in the background, without interfering with your work, communication with family and friends, creative work and home. Everything seems to be the same as always. The stomach is not yet so noticeable, only someone inside periodically kicks. Toxicosis has passed. The head is bright, there is vital energy.
But now you are not the same as before. And these thoughts, once visiting you, never let go...
And these fears ... And this uncertainty of a new life, the incomprehensibility of the new role of a mother ... A huge responsibility ...
Previously, you were only responsible for yourself ... well, maybe a little for your pets. Of course, you have friends and relatives, but they are all adult independent people. Now a whole living little man will depend on you. Only from you...
Recently I read this wonderful text from one blogger:
Someday I will have a son, and I will do the opposite. I will tell him from the age of three: “Honey! You don't have to become an engineer. You don't have to be a lawyer. It doesn't matter what you become when you grow up. Do you want to be a pathologist? To health. Football commentator? Please. A clown in a mall? Great choice",
And in his thirtieth birthday, he will come to me, this sweaty, balding clown with smudges of makeup on his face and say: “Mom! I am thirty years old! I'm the clown at the mall! Is this the life you wanted for me? What were you thinking, mother, when you told me that higher education is not necessary? What did you want, mom, when you let me play with the boys instead of mathematics?
And I will say: “Darling, but I followed you in everything, I was an alpha mom! You didn't like math, you liked playing with the younger kids." And he will say: “I didn’t know where this would lead, I was a child, I couldn’t decide anything, and you, you, you broke my life” - and rub lipstick on his face with a dirty sleeve. And then I will get up, look at him carefully and say: “So that's it. There are two types of people in the world: one lives, and the other is looking for someone to blame. And if you don't understand that, then you're an idiot."
***
Or not. Someday I will have a son, and I will do the opposite. I will tell him from the age of three: “Don't be an idiot, Vlad, think about the future. Learn math, Vladik, if you don't want to be a call center operator all your life. Humanitarian, huh? In our time, such fools were called.
And in his thirtieth birthday, he will come to me, this sweaty, balding programmer with deep wrinkles on his face and say: “Mom! I am thirty years old. I work for Google. I work twenty hours a day, mom. I don't have a family. What were you thinking, mother, when you said that a good job would make me happy? What were you looking for, Mom, when you made me learn math?”
And I will say: “Darling, but I wanted you to get a good education! I wanted you to have every opportunity, dear." And he will say: “And why the hell do I need these opportunities if I am unhappy, mom? I walk past the clowns at the mall and envy them, mom. They are happy. I could be in their place, but you, you, you broke my life, ”and rubs the bridge of his nose under his glasses with his fingers. And then I will get up, look at him carefully and say: “So that's it. There are two types of people in the world: one lives, and the other complains all the time. And if you don't understand that, then you're an idiot."
He will say "oh" and faint. Psychotherapy will take approximately five years.
***
Or in another way. Someday I will have a son, and I will do the opposite. I will repeat to him from the age of three: “I'm not here to repeat something. I'm here to love you. Go to your dad, dear, ask him, I don't want to be extreme again.
And on his thirtieth birthday, he will come to me, this sweaty, balding director with Central Russian longing in his eyes and say: “Mom! I am thirty years old. I've been trying to get your attention for thirty years, Mom. I have dedicated ten films and five plays to you. I wrote a book about you, mom. I don't think you care. Why don't you ever speak your mind? Why did you keep sending me to daddy?"
And I will say: “Darling, but I did not want to decide anything for you! I just loved you, dear, and we have dad for advice. And he will say: “What the hell do I need daddy's advice for if I asked you, mom? I've been seeking your attention all my life, Mom. I'm obsessed with you, mom. I'm ready to give everything just for once, for once, to understand what you think of me. With your silence, your detachment, you, you, you broke my life, ”and theatrically throws his hand to his forehead. And then I will get up, look at him carefully and say: “So that's it. There are two types of people in the world: one lives, and the other is always waiting for something. And if you don't understand that, then you're an idiot."
He will say "ah" and faint. Psychotherapy will take approximately five years.
Conclusion: No matter what you do, you will still make mistakes. And you will still fall, break your forehead, you still will not become an ideal mother, because there is no ideal ...
And that's okay, that's even good. But thoughts, where to go from thoughts ... And from the desire to do everything as best and more correctly as possible ...
And now the question is: Tell me, experienced mothers, is the devil as terrible as he is painted in my head? How has your life changed since having a baby? What appeared in it, and what left? And what mistakes would you like to correct?
