The wife does not want to leave the decree. My wife came home after a long business trip. Husband leaving for work in the morning, told her .... Family Hierarchy Problems

I love my job! - the sixty-year-old Rosa Leonidovna shares with her friends. - Every day I go, as if on a holiday. But all good things come to an end, apparently. So, I’ll finish it until the fall and I’ll quit ... I’ll have to, there’s no other way ...

What is it? - Rosa Leonidovna's friends ask. - Did you ask? Reducing pensioners, or what?

Oh no, that's not the point at all! she sighs. - On the contrary, everyone persuades me to stay ... Colleagues say that you won’t find such a job later. And they are right, of course, at my age, what will I find? .But there is nothing to do, you still have to leave - you need to sit with your grandson ... A grandson is more important than work, so you don’t have to choose ...

Here's one for you! And why doesn't the daughter sit with her child? She gave birth, so she played enough - and in the bushes? .. How old is the child?

Oh, girls, my daughter would love to sit! But the fact is that the son-in-law is against it! Just reared up - go to work and that's it! .. The child is three years old, nine months old, and her husband has been taking out her brain since last September - he was tired, you see, to pull everyone alone. What, tell me, did they go for the peasants, huh? .. Well, last September we tried to send the child to the kindergarten ... From October to January, they left exactly four days, but they were treated, it seems, continuously, several times they lay in the hospital. Pneumonia, purulent otitis, sinusitis - that only the child could not endure, poor ... In January, the doctor already said in plain text - take it from the garden, you have a non-sadovsky child! .. Sitting with a child. But now in September you have to either go to work or quit completely ...

Will it come out?

So what to do? The son-in-law does not even want to hear that she may not come out in September yet ... This is out of the question. The marriage also adds fuel to the fire - before, they say, everyone was in a nursery for a year, and nothing, everyone grew up ... It’s easy for them to say that they didn’t treat the child even once, they didn’t go to the ambulance with him at night, when he has a temperature of forty ... In general, I need to help my daughter, I have already decided everything ... It's a pity for work, of course, but the grandson is more important ... I will sit. We'll try to go to the garden again, but if it doesn't work out, we'll pick it up right away. after the first illness. It's not the case to get sick like last year ...

What does the son-in-law say? Does he know about your plans - to leave work and sit with his child?

Oh, I don’t understand him at all, how is it possible ... He knows everything! But he keeps saying one thing - do not be wise, arrange a child in the garden and go to work! Like a parrot, honestly. He says that all children get sick, don’t make it up ... Everyone gets sick, but not with pneumonia! .. Well, they don’t eat the last piece! Of course, they don’t have extra money now, but after all, they have their own apartment, enough for what they need, their daughter’s salary is not a matter of life and death ... It was quite possible for her not to work, since such a thing ... But dad was tired of pulling them, you see whether ... Ugh!

What do you think, does a husband and father have a moral right to drive his wife to work in such a situation?
Isn't that a man? How can you get tired of supporting your own family?
Or is the guy still in his right, after three years of a child, his wife, at least, is not obliged to support? Previously, everyone somehow went to the garden, and "non-garden" children are a myth created by lazy mothers who do not want to work?

After I say that I’m not going to work, many girls answer: “And I don’t want to get out of the decree! But what to do? My husband does not understand me at all and drives me to work!” And here I decided to write about what can help in such cases. I will talk about a situation that is familiar to me personally: when a woman is on maternity leave for three years. That is, at the moment the woman does not work. And she has at least another six months left (I don’t believe that you can change your husband’s decision in one day!). And despite this position of the wife, the family does not starve. That is, there will always be not enough money for something, the husband is not a millionaire, but all family members are full and they have a roof over their heads.

Of course, you can change your husband's position on this issue, even if you have been working for a long time ... But it will be much more difficult, and I do not undertake to give advice on this matter. Let's analyze only the simplest case... And then, here is a problem that cannot be solved in a few days. Even in a week... Or in a month... It took me about 9 months. You need to be patient, change yourself and your family life in many ways. The trick is that the husband must understand: it is beneficial for him that you do not work. And for this you need to change most of your habits ... But it's worth it! I will write about the advantages of the new position below.

So, I don't want to get off maternity leave! What to do?

First, you must be yourself confident in your decision. You must know for sure that the work is not your responsibility. This is written in the article "". If you feel guilty about not earning money, it will be almost impossible to change your husband's worldview. Moreover, for the sake of this goal, you must be ready for inner work!

Second, you must understand that providing for the family, the husband practically accomplishes a feat! You need to sincerely respect your husband for this and admire him. Providing for a family is a very responsible mission. It's the same as going to kill dragons... That's why only a man should work. If a woman works, the husband ceases to be a hero, this duty is depreciated. It is necessary to thank the husband for his huge contribution to family life. But do not forget about self-love ("")! Giving thanks does not mean humiliating yourself and jumping on your hind legs for every penny (and without self-love, this is exactly what everything will look like!) ... You need to understand that your contribution to family life is equivalent, and at the same time respect the work of your partner, admire them! Do not forget that sincere admiration is what any man craves so much ... And how easy it is to admire your husband if he alone pulls the whole family, allowing you to bask in a warm nest ... First, learn to respect your husband and admire him, then it will not be difficult for him to let you remain a housewife.

Third is the most important... Create a little paradise at home. Right now, while you have the time and energy for this! When a woman works, she cannot physically create a heavenly atmosphere in her house. 8 hours of work plus the way home, in a crowded transport ... And then you also need to quickly cook something, somehow clean up, pay at least a crumb of attention to your husband and children ... And preferably, at least a little rest ... What kind of paradise can we talk about in such conditions?

If a woman spends more time at home, it is not difficult for her to set aside an hour and a half for cooking. Another hour - to maintain cleanliness (someone spends much more time on this, but personally I think that this is enough). Another hour to take care of yourself. She can devote a lot of time to the child ... And by the time her husband arrives, she may well look happy and calm. Yes, perhaps this is the main thing to strive for. The husband will allow you not to leave the decree if he is greeted at home by a delicious dinner, an affectionate and positive wife! You can move mountains for this! If home is a safe haven, then work no longer seems so unbearable! Of course, if you gave birth to a child just a month ago, it is difficult to meet a husband cheerful and contented. But towards the end of parental leave, this task ceases to seem incredible. Imagine yourself as your husband... If a grouchy shaggy creature meets you at home with low-grade dumplings... Will you be satisfied? Even if this very creature goes to earn money, there is still no use for him at home ... Of course, if you want to send your baby to kindergarten at the age of three, then you will have both strength, and time, and mood ... But a man yet cannot even imagine a home paradise. And our task is to make him feel how great it is to be the husband of a housewife! He must get used to to that! Yes, get used to a cozy home and a beautiful smiling wife! Then it will be a pity for him to change this treasure for a modest bundle of banknotes ...

Fifth, you must actively develop. It is desirable that you have some kind of hobby. For example, your own blog or just cross-stitching, learning languages. When you are at home all day, you can find time for this even with a child. Then the husband will not have the feeling that you are degrading within four walls. I recommend an article on this topic - "". You yourself must set yourself some of your own, female goals and move towards them. Without this, you really will wither in a protracted decree.

At sixth, love yourself!! This is a mandatory item, although it follows from the previous one! If you learn to love yourself, you are simply doomed to success! Since this will turn you into a flourishing harmonious woman who skillfully manages the household (without devoting too much time to it), who has her own interests, who constantly grows, respects and admires her husband, knows how to make others happy ... Next to such a woman the husband immediately turns into a hero. And he no longer even doubts that his wife should not work. If I do not want to leave the decree, I have every right to do so! ("", "")

Do I really want to get out of maternity leave?

But then an insidious question is brewing ... If I need to change so much in myself, so much to hang on myself ... And also keep a smile ... Wouldn't it be easier to go to work? Of course, it's up to you to decide, maybe someone really needs an office and a favorite thing... overload and severe stress. But this is an individual choice for each of us! After all, someone hates cooking and household chores so much that they are glad to run away from them to work. And let relatives eat semi-finished products, there is nothing to worry about. But personally, I really like to cook, if I do it not with my last strength, but calmly, with pleasure, of my own free will (""). But I almost never cook “one time”, I don’t come up with a three-course dinner ... And I never even make any complicated dishes. At the same time, at work, the husband does not go to the dining room, he eats exclusively our home-made food ... An hour a day for cooking is enough. Well, on special days, if there is a mood - two hours. But on the other hand, I manage to do everything that is really needed - and after that I remain calm and happy! As soon as I learned this art, my husband quickly changed his mind about sending me to work ... If your ideas about a happy family life are close to mine, I wish you good luck, and don't have to go to work!

Until recently, the position was popular among men that a wife should stay at home, do housework and raise children. So argue men who have achieved a position in society, built a career. They have a stable income to support a large family. This pattern is still in place, but more and more female housewives seek to go to work. However, there is also the opposite problem, when the wife does not want to work. The husbands of such women want them to start working. The problem is multifaceted, requiring an integrated approach.

Women don't always want to go to work

Family Hierarchy Problems

The problem that the woman is not working at the moment may be that earlier her husband wanted her to stay at home. This position can be explained by the following reasons:

• the established family hierarchy, in which the man is the head of the family, who earns money for food, and the woman is the assistant, who must brilliantly fulfill her household duties; if the hierarchy is broken when the wife begins to make a career, then family values ​​\u200b\u200bmay collapse;
• a husband who is not too confident in himself is trying to assert himself due to the fact that his wife will stay at home, and he will work in a low-paid position;
• Another category of men who want to see their spouse at home, but engaged in useful activities, are businessmen, politicians, public figures, who, according to their status, are supposed to have a non-working wife.

Many men consider their wife as a potential housewife

Reasons for reluctance

If the wife does not want to work, then there are certainly reasons for this, which the husband must find in order to avoid serious conflicts, up to and including divorce. Among the common reasons are:

• the model of the parental family, in which it was customary to assume that the man fully provides for the family, the wife does not work, but does household chores and is subordinate to her husband;
• she doesn't want to do anything because she's used to getting everything ready, she's just lazy; such a model may come from the family of parents due to being spoiled in childhood;
• there is no education, and the woman does not seek to get a profession in order to get a job;
• there is no physical possibility, for medical reasons, some women cannot do even the simplest work;
• the woman is fully engaged in the family and believes that professional activities will take her time and effort, and her relatives will be deprived; such an argument is often made by mothers with many children.

Solution

There are two sides to the problem if the wife does not work. There are advantages to this state of affairs, which a man trying to force his wife to go to work should see. And realizing them, reconcile with the situation, this will bring him peace and establish peace in the family. Nothing needs to be done to change the situation.

The unequivocal advantages of a non-working wife include:

• the spouse gets good food and is never hungry;
• the husband does not do household chores, the wife is completely in charge of life, turning to him only in serious cases;
• a woman provides full-fledged care for children, brings them up;
• a man manages to have a better rest, which increases labor productivity;
• if the spouse can transfer the management of the budget to the second half, then he will be exempt from financial matters;
• a man has more free time, which he can use with benefit.

If a man is still convinced that both spouses should work in their family, then certain measures should be taken. The best way is to call the wife to a frank conversation and let her express everything that she thinks about her employment.

A non-working wife provides her husband with good nutrition

Some of the reasons a husband can give in favor of his wife's employment include the following:

• improving the material well-being of the family, this is especially true for those families whose incomes are low;
• while the wife is sitting at home, the whole life passes by her, working, she will be aware of all events;
• a woman will be able to constantly improve her intellectual level, spouses will have something to talk about;
• a woman will have external and internal self-confidence, she will acquire a certain status;
• She will be financially independent.

If all these arguments do not work, and the wife is still at home, then you can get advice on how to behave in this situation from a psychologist.

Well, if the spouses visit a specialist together, in the course of a general conversation, previously hidden circumstances may appear. After visiting a psychologist, the couple can come to a decision whether to work for the wife or not. But they must remember that family is more important than any job.

- I'll take care of you!

- You really try. There aren't many of me in this world!

Lived at the granny's two cute pussy. Eat sushi, drink smoothies. Jesus Christ.

- Are there any simpler phones?

– Here, this device has an intuitive interface.

Any fool will understand.

- Rebbe, I'm going to Odessa. They say that the girls there dress completely differently than we do in Berdichev. Tell me, rebbe, can I look at a girl if she is wearing a miniskirt or a blouse with a neckline?

- And if she sunbathes on the beach in a bikini?

- And if topless?

– Rebbe, are there things that a Jew should not look at?

- Which for example?

- For example, electric welding.

- So I’m thinking, what would I take with me to the sea so that I would go to the beach like that and everyone around would be stunned? - Skis!

A man comes to the law office “Rabinovich-Brecher-Weinstein-Lidman-Katz and Ivanov” and asks Ivanov to handle his affairs.

"But why not one of the firm's other partners?" his secretary asks.

- You know, the man says, - I somehow trust the business acumen of a person who managed to get into SUCH a close company.

- Shouldn't I go?

– “No, don’t go” or “No, go”?

Do you know when is the right time to ask if he loves you or not? At night. Here he sleeps, but you can’t sleep, but he sleeps, and you are tormented by the longing of the universe and your legs are cold. That means everything. The moment has come. Wake up and ask. And God forbid he choose the wrong intonation ...

- Will you marry me?

- Of course expensive! I've been waiting for this for so long!

- Then tomorrow at 8.00. Mikhalych's overalls are in the supply room.

Why didn’t anyone tell me that conciliatory sex should be with the man with whom you quarreled?

My wife came home after a long business trip. Husband leaving for work in the morning, said to her:

- Don't turn on my computer. What you see there you may not like.

The husband came home in the evening, the wife is angry.

- What's happened?

Well, I turned on your computer. I climbed all day, I thought there was porn or correspondence with my mistress. And there's nothing!

"And you didn't like it?"

- I warned you...

Hello, you can talk.

- Hello. Yes, from the age of 3 ...

Son, 8 years old, in the village with his grandmother, carefully watches how a cow is given water to drink. Then he says accusingly: “So this is how milk is diluted with water!”

Dear men!
I am the mother of a 3 year old son. Despite all the metamorphoses of my body after pregnancy, I weigh 50 kg and look 23 years old (actually 30).
After the decree, I went to work + taking care of the house + picking up the child from the kindergarten (my husband works geographically further), our salary is the same. While I took the child from the kindergarten, drove to the grocery store, returned home and quickly cooked dinner so that I could take a walk with the child on the street (and then buy more and put to bed), my husband comes to sit at the computer and says “what are you from you want me, I'm tired."
So, tell me dear, why do I need a husband if I can handle everything myself? It turns out that he just sits on my neck with an additional load?
Men, do you want your wife to be responsible for everything? So why do you need a wife then? Live with your mothers, they will feed, clothe, wash and give money to your beloved son!
A wife is a partner, a support and an assistant, it is a support, it is like your personal safe, with her you can share any difficulties, problems, happiness, changes in life, BUT! Of course, there is a BUT in order to maintain this balance, it is necessary that both partners equally invest in the relationship! Of course, the husband brings home money, the breadwinner, so forgive me, I also bring, not only + house + child + food, but also calculate the budget so that it is enough for the community, for the kindergarten, for travel, for clothes, etc.
Do you want your wife to work? Okay, no question, but now sit down and think over YOUR menu for a week or two and a shopping list (do not forget about household chemicals, hygiene products, torn socks for which you scared your wife), in parallel, dear men, you forgot that there is not a single clean shirt or pants, so put the laundry, but not on Sunday at 12 at night, but say on Friday after work!
And this is only a small fraction of what women take responsibility for. Are you ready to fully share this responsibility? Are you ready to sit down to write a menu, and then another list of products and bring them home? Oh, I forgot to cook dinner after that! Well, it's so trifles, you can manage it in an hour))))) oh, how cheerful you are, but where is the enthusiasm? Even with the child, go for a walk, what the hell is a computer, not everything is done yet!
And so from day to day. A week - you still hold on, two - you still hold on but not so tightly, a month - your nerves begin to fail, and then a breakdown, stress, depression, constant discontent, dissatisfaction, lack of strength and time. You are not so quick to figure out what you need to do, cooking increases incrementally by 5 minutes a day, and now the X day has come. You are standing in the kitchen, on a mountain of dishes, on an undercut salad and you think I want to go to a desert island.
What is your opinion gentlemen?