What should I do if my father has alcoholism? How to save a loved one: what to do if dad drinks every day What to do if your father is an alcoholic

Alcohol addiction is a dangerous disease that causes the development of other equally serious pathological processes. If the father is an alcoholic, narcologists and psychotherapists know what to do in this case.

Causes of father's alcoholism

In order for alcohol addiction therapy to be more effective, it is necessary to understand the situation and understand what caused the development of the disease. There are several reasons why people start drinking strong drinks regularly. This mostly happens if:

Having understood the factors influencing the development of alcoholism, it is necessary to choose the right strategy that will help a sick person get rid of the anomaly. Only with a competent approach will the desired result be achieved.

Drinking people sincerely believe that they can stop at any moment.

It should be understood that an alcohol-dependent father will deny the existence of a problem. If trying to talk him into quitting drinking or going into rehab therapy doesn't work, don't stop. Any delay can further aggravate the patient's condition.

How to behave with a drinking father?

A person for whom alcohol becomes the meaning of life is a serious problem for others. Due to addiction to alcoholic beverages, his children may develop codependency. With this pathology, a person becomes completely attached to a drunkard.

In dealing with an alcoholic, psychotherapists advise children to avoid educational conversations. Such dialogues can cause aggression and further worsen the situation with the disease. Communicating with the sick, relatives need to maintain a friendly attitude. Otherwise, the alcoholic will begin to perceive loved ones as enemies.

It is recommended to limit the alcohol addict's access to alcohol. You should not give him money for strong drinks. You need to understand that when buying a drink for a patient, relatives not only interfere with the recovery of the drunkard, but also approve the use of alcohol by their actions.

During a hangover, experts advise not to show pity and compassion for the patient. This will help him feel the full negative effects of drinking.

Threats are recommended to be replaced with a calm tone. Children of a drunkard need to understand that alcohol addiction is a disease that requires a comprehensive approach. Before taking any action, it is advisable to consult with a specialist.

How can you help an alcoholic?

It is quite difficult to get rid of an addiction at home. It is possible to confine yourself to the treatment of alcohol dependence at home at stage 1 of the anomaly. In more complex cases, medical assistance is recommended.

To do this, children need to convince their father to undergo treatment in a hospital. Under the supervision of specialists, the quality of therapy will be much higher. During rehabilitation, the following therapeutic elements are used:

• drug treatment;
• psychological consultations;
• physiotherapy.

The duration of therapy depends on the clinical picture, alcohol experience, age and sex of the patient. The presence of chronic diseases can also affect the therapeutic strategy. The narcologist prescribes medications that help remove the decomposition products of ethyl alcohol, as well as restore the balance of minerals and vitamins.

For psycho-emotional disorders, sedatives are used. To overcome alcohol addiction, a specialist may prescribe drugs that cause dislike for drinking to the patient. Making a choice in favor of home treatment, many stop at traditional medicine recipes. In this case, you will need infusions and decoctions of herbs, which, like drugs, allow you to form an aversion to alcohol.

Is there any chance that the father will stop drinking?

Statistical data confirm that with the full completion of the rehabilitation course, in 9 out of 10 cases, a period of remission occurs. Forecasts largely depend on the stage at which the relatives of the alcohol addict turned to specialists.

It takes 5-7 days to cope with the pathological process. The duration of treatment depends on the stage of the disease. The most difficult thing after rehabilitation is to consolidate the achieved effect.

Not always therapy gives instant results. Therefore, when deciding to help your father, you need to be patient. Working with a psychologist will help prevent relapses. Consultations with a specialist will help to find the root cause of alcohol addiction, as well as change the patient's behavior model to a more natural and constructive one. Only under the condition of restoring psycho-emotional balance is it possible to definitely exclude a return to addiction.

“... And then the collapse of the Union happened and, remaining
out of work, father got drunk, hard and soundly "

Every time I go outside in the evening, I find the constellation Ursa Major in the sky. I don’t remember where this habit came from, but I always do it. I go out, raise my eyes, as if greeting an old friend, and go about my business.

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My father taught me almost everything

My first read fairy tale, “Tiny-Khavroshechka”, I tirelessly told my dad every evening. I went to the library with my dad, and soon there were no children's in the village library, and later teenage ones, which I did not read.

And then the collapse of the Soviet Union happened. The plant where dad worked for many years and was the only foundry specialist in the area closed. And dad turned from a breadwinner and breadwinner into a non-working burden on my mother's shoulders.

And he drank, hard and soundly

It seemed to me that everything would change, that everything would be the same. Until one day a tragedy happened in my, personally, my life. My father beat me. With a hangover, he was bad, and I went inflated. I really wanted to show him how angry I was with him. It seemed to me that he would understand something. And he hit me once, then twice.

I hid in a corner, and he stood over me with a raised fist and yelled terribly. He had terrible eyes. Then I realized that nothing would change. The past cannot be returned. In the morning, instead of going to school, I took the money I had collected for a gift for my mother, went to the bus station and left for the neighboring regional center.

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I wandered for two days

The money ran out very quickly and I wanted to eat. Some older guys pestered me, invited me to their place. It was scary. I approached a woman at the station who seemed kind to me and asked her for a coin for a pay phone.

She asked why, and I honestly told her that I had run away from home and wanted to call my mother. The woman got alarmed, took me to a pay phone, made sure that I called my mother, and then she talked to her herself and told my mother that she would take me to her, told me where she lives. We went to her, she fed me.

A couple of hours later my mother came and took me home. At home, she tried to find out why I did it. And I asked to leave my father, not to live with him. I couldn't see him die.

But my mother told me to be patient. And I realized again that nothing will change. Then I made my first adult, conscious decision. I need to study in order to enter and leave my parental home.

The day after graduation, I left my parents' house.

I couldn’t not visit my parents at all, I depended on them financially. But I rarely went home and for a couple of days.

Recently, a terrible tragedy happened in our city. The boy committed suicide. The boy lost his nerve, the child could not stand it. Having learned this story, I suddenly remembered how once my nerves had given up. Just like I once could not endure the collapse of my universe.

I experienced again all those black emotions. I was scared and sorry. And inside grew a black lump that threatened to explode.

I wanted to walk alone. I went outside and found the Big Dipper. And then I remembered where I got this habit from. Dad taught me to find the Big Dipper, and other constellations from it.

Memories flooded from all corners and nooks and crannies of my memory. I cried out loud. My subconscious, along with the story of my escape, also removed the memories of all the good things that happened in my childhood.

And it's all about dad

I only remembered him drunk, angry, I remembered how he stole my pocket money and bed linen, which was bought for me as a dowry. I remember how he beat me. My most important feeling towards my parents was resentment.

But now I'm an adult. And you can see a lot from a different angle. And try to understand, and maybe forgive.

It's bad, very bad, that my father started drinking. He could not find another way out, he turned out to be perhaps a weakling ... But he is the best dad in the world. And my childhood was happy. I have something good to remember. And all that was bad, as my grandmother says: "Let him go to the dry forest" ...

That same evening, I called my parents and asked my dad if he remembered the fairy tale that I read first. “Tiny-Khavroshechka,” dad said with a laugh, “how can I forget her, I listened to her for a year and a half in the evenings. And then they were looking for the Big Dipper.

Dear readers! Are you close to the experiences of the heroine of the story? Have you ever witnessed the "death" of a loved one? Were you able to forgive him? We are waiting for your answers in the comments.

How to live and what to do, helping the father to stop drinking - these are the most common questions that arise in their small, but so smart head beyond their years.

It is very common to hear the opinion that if with a child, the father drank all his life , then his sons and daughters will drink, but it is often wrong. Sometimes troubles happen, and the children of drinking parents inherit a pernicious craving for alcohol, but most often a child who has encountered alcoholism in childhood categorically does not accept it.

For a child living with a dependent person for a long period of time, determining his condition is not difficult. But what about children who are faced with a problem for the first time. In a man who is addicted to alcohol, the disease can identify at an early stage . Dependence on alcoholic beverages is characterized by the following features:

• Father often drinks to the state strong intoxication ;
• His well-being every day getting worse;
• A man happens bouts of aggression and he is often irritable;
• When drinking alcohol he doesn't get sick.

This is the first stage of alcoholism. It can last for several months or several years. With an increase in the amount of alcohol consumed, second stage of the disease :

• Dad has a condition called withdrawal syndrome . With it, during sobering up, the state of health worsens. Because of this, binges may occur;
• parent in the morning gets drunk drinking another dose of alcohol;
• The father appears insomnia, he cannot fall asleep for a long time, his sleep is sensitive and restless;
• At the moment of a hangover, he is overcome feelings of guilt, fear, anxiety.

Further formed third stage, which is considered the last. At this stage, dad is faced with the problem of personality degradation. He is overcome by mental illness, psychosis, hysteria, uncontrolled aggression often occur. It was during this period urgent and mandatory treatment required , otherwise grief will happen in the family - the father will drink and it will end in death. The fact is that by the third stage, the human body is poisoned by alcohol and its internal organs begin to gradually fail. Heart, liver, kidneys, brain are destroyed and eventually lead to death .

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Often children do not understand why the father began to drink alcohol every day , began to beat his mother strongly and constantly rage. They do not understand the behavior of the once loving and caring dad, who before their eyes turns into a stranger with an unpleasant smell, behavior and appearance. Therefore, the child is confused and does not know how to behave correctly.

Children who have experienced a parent's alcoholism should stick to some rules and clarify the following:

But, in a conversation with dad, you should not involve people he doesn't know . For example, a girl should not try to wean her boyfriend's parent to drink or involve neighbors, this can lead to a worsening of the situation and aggression of a man. His ruined reputation and bad mood will lead to even more alcohol abuse.

By the way! Help for the father can be provided by one of the drugs from alcoholism. Find out which remedies are currently the most effective in the fight against addiction.

Addiction treatment is possible at home even without the knowledge of the drinker. This is convenient when a man refuses treatment and does not recognize his illness.

Intimate talk

But what should children do if the family drunk father does not work ? The answer to this question is of interest to many children and adolescents who are faced with the problem of alcohol addiction in their parents. Despite the young age and low authority of the child, he can influence the situation by choosing the right approach. A frank conversation with dad will help in this matter. Not worth the first words accuse a man of alcoholism and point out its shortcomings. Moral teachings, reproaches, insults can drive him crazy and will not lead to the desired result. A conversation will be more effective if it is structured like this:

• Remember the positive from the "past" life - a joint vacation, fishing, going to the circus or zoo;
• Praise your father about his sobriety at the moment. To say that you really appreciate such moments and the opportunity to talk with him;
• Find some reasons why the child likes the sobriety of a man - he is kind, attentive, he smells good, he can teach new and interesting things;
• Some cunning on the part of the child may also help. It may be mentioned in passing about dad in a drunken state and his behavior, shed a tear or talk about it with bitterness in words. Parents find it hard to bear the sincere tears of children, especially those caused by their behavior;
• As a result, it should ask your father not to drink , but do it categorically.

If these steps are not successful, then you can try to take care of his health and build a conversation in this direction. Tell that alcohol poisons his body, leads to serious problems health and can even lead to death. Ask about how he feels when he is hungover, if he likes such a life with a headache, nausea, heaviness in the stomach and confusion of thoughts. Let him think about it. Find out in the end whether the parent wants to stop drinking and come up with solutions to the problem together.

Dependency Calculator

M F

your addiction

dependency type:

There is no danger to the body, the habit of drinking is characteristic of many people, but in the indicated quantities and with the indicated parameters of the patient, it does no harm to the body. Many people on holidays and after work relieve stress with alcohol, but are not addicted to it.

The patient sees alcohol as a way out of difficult situations and resorts to alcohol drinks more and more often. This stage is dangerous because in any difficult situation in life, this stage can smoothly move into the next one, which is much more dangerous for health.

At this stage, an addicted person can no longer do without alcohol, but he is firmly convinced that he is able to quit at any time, but not today. Already here complications with the liver and other difficulties with the organs and well-being can begin.

Special treatment and a small rehabilitation course, plus the support of relatives, are able to withdraw from this stage. This stage can provoke very serious problems with the liver and other organs, which will lead to illness for the rest of your life.

This stage is not hopeless, but it requires an extremely serious approach to treatment and a long period of rehabilitation, with regular medical procedures, many drugs and, often, expensive treatment.

Duration of addiction treatment:

Want to speed up your treatment?

How can children help their father stop drinking?

Children always worried about their parents whatever their way of life and actions. And even a small child, and even more so a teenager, can provide all possible assistance to his father, who is faced with the problem of dependence on alcoholic beverages.

First of all, it is worth understanding that alcoholism is a disease that requires treatment. A parent does not choose such a life, it becomes the result of some problems of an adult, with which he could not cope on his own. Condemnation and reproaches will not help, and the decision to leave dad to the mercy of fate can lead to a deterioration in his condition and even death from alcohol. Dad should be supported, only adults together with doctors can help to understand the reasons, but children's help will be invaluable and can push the head of the family to take decisive action. Can seek help from the church . Children's prayer that the father does not drink can bear fruit if the child really desires it. You can persuade dad to visit the Temple of God together and maybe he will be imbued and stop drinking.

Attention! On the site you can find reviews of various drugs for alcoholism in the appropriate section. You can choose any review and get acquainted with the goods, then find out the opinion of users and, if desired, place an order.

They can be given to a parent by mixing drugs into food, but only after consulting a specialist.

Emergency - what to do?

Life with an addict does not always go smoothly and without difficult situations. Sometimes the question arises what to do if the father drinks heavily , rowdy and throws with a knife. Such a dangerous condition can occur in a patient with alcohol abuse for several days in a row. If at the time of the appearance of aggression there are no adults nearby, then the child should not be in the field of view of the drunk parent. How to live a daughter or son if their alcoholic dad drinks every day and there are no adults nearby. We offer you to listen to some tips and take them into service:

• Not worth your behavior or actions provoke a man to aggression for example, try to pick up alcohol;
• Don't get into discussions with a parent and his drinking friends, try to reason with them not to drink;
• If dad is clearly drunk, it would be better for the child to visit relatives or friends. until the sobering up of a man .

In the event of a sudden rejection from alcohol, for example, when the father drank for several days in a row, and then decided to quit, he may develop withdrawal symptoms. This condition can be dangerous to health, so if dad gets sick, the right thing to do is call an ambulance .

The American psychologist Eric Byrne put forward a hypothesis about the predestination of the life path of many - and even most - people of the so-called. "life scripts": human relationships, behavioral habits, and worldviews learned uncritically in childhood.

So, for example, psychological studies show that almost 60% of the daughters of alcoholics marry ... alcoholics!

Why is this happening? And how can the daughter of an alcoholic overcome her negative life script?

Wiki history

Vika is the daughter of an officer and a teacher. Her mother is energetic, strong-willed and authoritative, while her father was distinguished by a weak will. Addiction to cheerful companies and strong drinks made him eventually an alcoholic. However, Vika's mother did not divorce her husband: she was not - or did not consider herself - a particularly attractive woman: in her opinion, it is better to have an alcoholic husband than to live without a husband at all.

As a child, Vika had to go through a lot. Several times they hid with their mother at the neighbors while their father raged in the apartment. When sober, he always apologized, which seemed to his daughter even more unpleasant than his rampage.

Gradually she moved away from her father. Their communication became formal. The father hardly spoke to his daughter, she also avoided him. It was something like a cold war.

Father never really hit Vika's mother: he was afraid of his wife. However, there was a case when he swung an ax at her. Vika, like her mother, distinguished by a strong, resolute character, at that moment stood behind her father. She was then 15 years old, but she was already tall and strong, and her father was small in stature. She managed to push her father so hard from behind that he fell and hit hard.

However, Vika did not feel sorry for her father and believed that she had done well.

When Vika was 17 years old, her father died. He went fishing with his friends. They drank well and in this state went far into the lake (this is Lake Ladoga, as you know, the largest in Europe). A storm began, the boat capsized - and everyone died.

Neither Vicki's mother nor she herself was particularly worried about the death of her father.

Vika got married quite late. When the son Mitya was born, she and her husband began to gradually move away from each other. The husband often went away, and soon Vika realized that he was drinking. Scandals began.

So it took almost 5 years, and finally, they dispersed.

The ex-husband found another woman drinking. And Vika for some time - almost until the age of 30-35 - lived alone with her son and, according to her, felt good.

However, then she became worried that she would be left alone for the rest of her life. This anxiety led her to a psychologist.

Wiki Life Scenario Analysis

In the course of therapy, Vika realized that in her childhood she uncritically learned from her mother some worldview attitudes related to relationships with men, love and marriage.

1) A man is a means to create a family. Thanks to the husband, you can have a child, the husband brings money to the house. But he's not good for anything else.

2) Men often drink. This is natural and almost inevitable. The dignity of a woman is to endure and remain an honest wife and mother.

3) Attractive women are rare. Therefore, you should be happy if you have at least some kind of close man.

Thus, her scenario is something like this: get married without love, relations with her husband are cool, he will drink, and in the end you will completely move away from each other, but you will put up with it.

Only the last point did not quite come true. However, the initiator of the divorce is not Vika, but her husband.

Needless to say, Vika was not aware of these attitudes, which did not prevent her from acting in accordance with them. She admitted that she had never felt much love for her husband, but her age was no longer young, and she wanted to have a family. She did not know about his addiction to alcohol before the wedding.

As you can see, Vika chose her husband the same way as her mother, and her relationship with her husband is similar to the relationship of her parents.

She couldn't get over her script because she wasn't aware of it.

Why can the daughter of an alcoholic marry an alcoholic?

There are many reasons. Most often, a combination of several of the following factors leads to a repetition of the fate of the mother.

1. If a father drinks, then his behavior, appearance (even smell, and, as you know, olfactory impressions are of great importance for women), attitude towards his wife and daughter are such that they repel his daughter from him. Such a man, as a rule, is not able to be attentive to his daughter, to give her the love that she needs so much.

It would seem that it is not difficult to act on the principle of "on the contrary" (not like parents, but vice versa), if not for one "but". It is written in the subconscious that my father and my mother are exemplary, reference men and women, so it is easier and more natural to build your life in their image and likeness. This is not even psychology, but physiology: the so-called phenomenon of imprinting. It's just easier that way: it doesn't require conscious effort, self-change.

In addition, the father is the first man in the life of every woman. His attitude towards his daughter is the standard against which she then compares the behavior of all the men who are interested in her.

2. The girl needs her father's approval, that he accepts her and loves her. An alcoholic father, as a rule, cannot give this. Children tend to take the blame for what is happening on themselves, it often seems to them that if they did something differently, then adults would behave differently. This is how an inferiority complex appears: the confidence of a girl, and then a woman, that she is unworthy of love.

3. Often, children who grew up in a family of alcoholics have a subconscious attitude: “I didn’t manage it, I had to do something differently, and then everything would be fine.” Together with a sense of guilt, it includes a mechanism for duplicating the situation, as it were, the formation of a second chance to overcome it and a false way out of the guilt complex.

4. Finally, children have phenomenal adaptive abilities. They adapt to anything, even the most abnormal relationships, managing to find something in them that satisfies them. So suffering can give significant bonuses: being a victim means guaranteed to receive the support of others; to be a mother's support - to maintain one's self-esteem, maturity, the ability to be "good" against the background of parents unable to solve their problems; keeping a distance in relationships with others (after all, you can not reckon with an alcoholic) is an opportunity to satisfy your inner needs without taking into account the opinions of your parents, and then other people.

As a result, the daughter of an alcoholic does not believe in herself, in her fullness as a woman, because she has no experience of relationships with a non-alcoholic man and she is afraid of being insolvent in such relationships. Therefore, without noticing it herself, she avoids non-drinking men - and eventually converges with the drinker.

It can be argued that most of us have an attachment to our childhood experiences - whatever they may be. Fear of the new and the unknown is also a characteristic feature of most people.

Psychologist's help in overcoming a negative life scenario

First of all, the task of the psychologist is to help the client realize what drives her, since these driving forces that determine her life are still hidden from her.

She must see her fear and realize her attachment to the past, which makes her unfree. Her task is to internally distance herself from this experience.

Moreover, she needs to feel repulsion, even disgust, for such a life: life with an alcoholic.

By the way, 40% of the daughters of alcoholics who managed to create a normal family are just those girls who emotionally strove to escape at all costs from what surrounded them in childhood. This emotional rejection turned out to be stronger than attachment to the past and fear of the unknown. And they got over their script.

An important place is occupied by work on traumatic childhood experiences, and on a sense of self-worth, and on the entire system of beliefs and ideas of the client.

The first task of the psychologist is to strengthen the client's faith in herself, to help her believe in her feminine fullness, that love exists on Earth not only for other women, but also for her, that not everything is lost, that she needs not an ersatz, not only some kind of husband - but a loving and beloved person. That it is possible for her to meet him.

Such faith is valuable in itself: regardless of whether this meeting takes place or not.

The second big task is the actual awareness of the life scenario. Remember, above we talked about psychological benefits, that, in the end, a person adapts to the situation in which he lives and begins to satisfy part of his internal needs with its help. Understanding this means getting a chance to fulfill your need for love and support without playing the role of a victim. In therapy, you can learn to be happy without creating additional difficulties for yourself.

And, of course, this is the construction of a new life scenario, where there is no place for addiction and alcoholism.

Vika managed to understand herself, as she is a strong-willed person, able to be critical of herself and she really wanted to change her life.

She remarried at the age of 38, when Mitya was already 7 years old, and is much happier with her second marriage than her first.