Domestic (family) violence. Domestic violence against women

Today she did not add salt to her soup, yesterday she brightly painted her lips, and last month she was late at work for two hours ... Even if you follow all the orders, stop communicating with your friends, parents and slide around the apartment like a pale shadow, this woman cannot avoid domestic violence.
What is the bad character of the husband? Unfortunate fate? The reason for violence lies in the internal psychological states of the husband and the woman herself.

Concrete cubes of high-rise buildings coldly reflect glass, protecting privacy. Each block of apartments has its own secret. Domestic violence against women is almost a taboo subject. Women try not to advertise such relationships, children are afraid to talk about it ...

Violence is a reflection of the swamp of the soul

Domestic violence for this woman is familiar, like borscht for lunch, but always shockingly scary, like the first time her beloved husband raised his hand against her.

Today she didn't finish the soup, yesterday she put on bright lipstick, and last month she was late at work for two hours. The list of unacceptable acts is growing, the psychological pressure is growing. Even if you follow all orders, stop communicating with girlfriends, parents and slide around the apartment like a pale shadow, this woman cannot avoid domestic violence.

What is the bad character of the husband? Unfortunate fate? The reason for violence lies in the internal psychological states of the husband and the woman herself.

Not every woman experiences domestic violence. This tragic scenario develops only if each partner has certain properties given by nature.

Causes of domestic violence - an unsuccessful wife or a bad husband?

She married Dr. Jekyll, but is regularly abused by Mr. Hyde. Children every day fearfully await the return of their father. Lessons learned perfectly, there is not a speck of dust in the house, the soup recipe is rechecked with all care. But late at night, a stern husband and father enters, the reason for discontent is found, and again there is no protection and nowhere to hide from his heavy hand.

Each person is created according to the principle of pleasure. He applies his properties and receives joy and satisfaction from this. But when innate properties do not find realization, voids arise, so-called frustrations, a person feels unhappy. The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan explains what the features of the manifestation of frustrations in each are connected with.

This year saw the release of the first season of Big Little Lies, which tells the story of a long-married couple played by Nicole Kidman and Alexander Skarsgård. Their relationship is full of violence and disrespect for each other: from small quarrels to physical assault.

The series reflects the situation in modern families. The statistics are harsh: every fourth woman and 1 in 7 men have experienced domestic violence. The topic of abuse is increasingly being raised in the media, and in 2015, Twitter users even launched a flash mob: they wrote stories about family life under the hashtags “Why I left” and “Why I stayed.” I have compiled for you 15 signs by which you can recognize violence in the family or relationships.

Myth: Domestic violence is always physical. If you don't get hit, what's the problem?

Rachel Godsmith, program manager for the protection of victims of domestic violence, says:

Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of power and control in a relationship. A person can control another person in many ways that are not physical.

1. Constant checks

There is a fine line between normal and abusive relationships. If you're constantly texting your partner and you tell each other what you're doing, that's fine. But sincere concern is replaced by total control, when a partner wants to know where you are and what you are doing around the clock. Recognizing a violent tendency is very easy: you begin to feel guilty for your actions.

2. Isolation from friends and family

Early warning flag: when a partner tries to isolate you from family, friends, or some kind of activity. He may say that they are not good enough for you or that they have the wrong outlook on life. One thing is important: after severing ties, it becomes difficult to seek support.

3. Allegations of treason

Abusive relationships are full of jealousy. It is easy for an abuser to imagine that a partner is unfaithful, even if there is no evidence of this. In turn, the accused can try his best to convince that there is no romance on the side. This adds even more stress to the relationship.

You don't want your partner to think that you are doing something wrong.

4. Constant messages and calls

In 2017, the abuser expects to be able to reach his partner at any time. A few missed, and - boom! - Get accusations of irresponsibility, disrespect or treason.

5. Shaming

In an abusive relationship, the emotional abuser will constantly shame their partner for everything from appearance and intelligence to the people they interact with. In this way, the tyrant strengthens his power over the victim.

6. Financial restrictions

Financial abuse can take many forms, and the abuser has the ability to control the amount the partner has access to. In the course is the restriction of cards, and the number of hours in which you can work.

7. Demands to explain who you spend time with

This is another form of control that the abuser uses to make the partner feel guilty, like they are doing something wrong.

8. Forced sex

Sexual coercion is a large area of ​​domestic violence. The abuser may pressure that he deserves sex, or actually force physical intimacy by saying that you need to have sex to "prove your love, or he will go somewhere else."

9. Gaslighting

A common form of emotional abuse in which the abuser convinces the partner that he is going crazy. So the victim begins to question their own perception of the relationship. The whole purpose of gaslighting is to break someone else's sense of reality for further control.

10. Treason

Abusers may intentionally cheat in order to later blame their partner and intentionally make them feel bad, or to show how much they are in demand by other people.

11. Reducing the importance of parenting or housework

Victims of abuse are often criticized for the way they raise their children. Partners may use this as an excuse for their abuse.

12. Ban on drugs

Another tactic often used by manipulators is to restrict a partner's reproductive freedom. For example, hiding or destroying birth control pills or condoms to gain power over a partner. Among all the studied cases of emotional violence, a third of women were subjected to this manifestation.

It is important to understand that a woman has the right to make her own choices regarding sexual and reproductive health. No one has the right to dictate to her how to control him.

13. Requirements for intimate photos

While sexting can be an enjoyable part of a romantic relationship, the abuser sends sexual photos of himself and demands the same in return.

14. Transferring blame to a partner

Some may deny and accuse the victim of actually being manipulative. The most popular method is to point out that the partner did something “wrong”, and this forced them to take retaliatory measures.

15. Requiring passwords

In some cases, abusers require all passwords from accounts in order to control the life of their victim also online. It is important to remember that you should not share passwords with anyone if you do not want to.

Why is emotional abuse difficult to deal with?

I have worked with many women who have been victims, and they have felt a great sense of shame for loving the one who tormented them. They saw in the abuser the person they once fell in love with.
— Cathy Ray-Jones, President of the American Domestic Violence Hotline.

There are no victims who have experienced domestic violence only once. When they say "once", it can refer to a physical manifestation of violence, such as a slap. But isolation, constant insults and threats are repeated from time to time.

What to do?

Conversations about domestic violence keep returning to the same question: how to get away? There is a myth that getting out of such a relationship is an easy decision. In fact, the victims often find themselves economically dependent on the abusers: they have nothing to pay for rent, services and food. Especially complicating the task is the presence of a joint child who requires care.

There is also a justified fear that an attempt to leave a partner will cause new problems: the strictest isolation and physical manifestations of violence. There are enough stories in the media about how a husband killed a woman and children. Women know the threats are real.
Another aspect is also important: everyone wants to be a savior, but you can't just save another person in a dependent relationship. You can only support, give a certain resource so that the victim gets on his feet. Friends and family of the victim should offer support and show that their environment is safe and open. There is an opinion in society that it is worth just having a heart-to-heart talk with the victim, and then everything will fall into place, but this is not so. Pushing an addicted person to leave will also not lead to good results.

If the victim feels that they are not being heard and pressured, then most likely this person will no longer be trusted. Psychologists recommend listening and making it clear that you are concerned about their condition and are ready to help.

Victims of domestic violence should undergo a mental health screening to identify possible depression or post-traumatic stress disorder. Few victims come out of a situation of prolonged domestic violence emotionally and physically unscathed. The best thing you can do for yourself is to spot the signs and get the proper help.

Unfortunately, domestic violence today is a rather serious and urgent problem, since it occurs even more often than we know about it, because many people prefer to remain silent about it. Violence in the family circle is aggressive physical actions, threats and psychological attacks that one of the family members carries out in relation to others.

This can be a really unpleasant topic to spread, since violent acts can be of a very different nature: physical, mental, economic, and even sexual. Tellingly, no one is immune from such a situation in the family! This can be observed in any home, regardless of the social and material status of the family, their wealth, national, cultural or religious affiliation.

Moreover, statistical studies have shown that around the world, domestic violence can occur in both heterosexual and homosexual relationships, against one of the partners or even children.

What are the causes of domestic violence?

The question naturally arises: what are the causes of domestic violence? How is it that a person who until recently was so close and loved is able to raise a hand against his wife or child?

There are actually many reasons, and most of them are purely individual, due to the social and ethical influence on a person, his upbringing. Principles, various external factors and influence on it. It often happens that the future husband adopts a similar attitude towards the family from his parents, forming a somewhat stereotypical idea of ​​​​marriage, watching their conflicts and their solution with the help of screams and fists.

Also, the desire for affirmation in the family through force can be the result of a mental trauma suffered in childhood. Humiliation and all sorts of complexes, stretching from the early stages of life, can serve as a reason for the desire to knead their own dissatisfaction and accumulated aggression on their loved ones.

Often, terror in the home is the result of a combination of factors such as the lack of adequate upbringing and a quick-tempered unbalanced character. Such a character, as a rule, strives in every possible way for domination, and in a family environment it requires unprecedented respect for itself “de facto”, and all “disobedience” on the part of the spouse or children is suppressed with fists.

At the moment, there is no consensus on what the mechanism of development of domestic violence is, however, a small pattern has been identified. The probability and intensity of violence increases under the conditions of the presence of one or most of such factors as: increased aggressiveness, lack of ability to restrain instincts, addiction to alcohol, various kinds of psychopathy.

It is also obvious that domestic violence is closely related to the presence of any of the variants of social stress. As such, any factor that provokes an increase in tension between family members can act. These may be disagreements in terms of raising children, unemployment of one or both heads of the family, sudden pregnancy, problems of a domestic and material nature.

A person who is chronically exposed to domestic violence noticeably changes in behavior and character. He becomes characterized by timidity, unhealthy timidity and secrecy. Moreover, such patterns of behavior will eventually manifest themselves not only at home in the presence of a "tyrant", but also under any conditions.

Forms of psychological violence in the family

Speaking of violence, never mean exclusively physical actions against the victim. Moreover, forms of psychological violence in the family are the most common variant of all the cases encountered. As a rule, children and women still become victims, but the latter themselves often act as aggressors.

It should be understood that even psychological, or as it is also called emotional violence, has long been quite seriously regarded as a crime. Ignorance of this fact serves as an aid to the stereotypical attitude to family dramas, in which psychological violence often appears, but the victim does not even know that it is such.

How can this form of domestic violence manifest itself? First of all, these are moral threats or intimidation. This can also be expressed by using obscene or vulgar words against the victim, forcing them to watch various moral scenes that are unpleasant for her. The same type of violence includes the forcible seizure of a household item or property, followed by its demonstrative destruction.

Thus, we are faced with a constant psychological influence on the state of the victim without her consent, which will necessarily affect her life. The situation is aggravated by the fact that for some reason, in a progressive society, such behavior within the family is very often perceived as something normal, and not beyond the permissible.

Help for domestic violence

Is it possible to get help with domestic violence and how is it complicated? First of all, it is worth noting the fact that the problem of providing support to people suffering from terror in the family, most often lies in themselves. As a rule, they have no desire to endure "quarrels in public", or they are simply intimidated to such an extent that they are afraid only to aggravate their situation by trying to do something. Therefore, most of them prefer to silently endure insults and beatings.

Remember the main thing - in order to correct a serious situation in the house, you will need your own willpower and a desire to throw this burden off your shoulders. If an immediate response and intervention is required, for example, in the case of physical or sexual violence, you should contact the police. They have no way to interfere in family affairs, but they will be able to prevent an obvious crime. The rest will depend on you!

Keep in mind that there are a number of legal, fully legal organizations that specialize in first aid and family issues. These include various social services, specialized centers for medical and social recovery, and a host of other institutions.

If you are suffering from violence from a husband or wife, do not let the situation worsen and do not try to hide it from others! Such situations often end very tragically, so it is best to immediately contact law enforcement agencies, and then to a specialized institution where experienced employees will provide you with professional assistance.

Domestic Violence Prevention

Equally important is the prevention of family violence, which will prevent possible outbursts of aggression and undesirable consequences.
In this case, prevention includes a number of activities, among which there are pedagogical conversations, and psychological consultations, social and legal interventions in the family.

All of them are based on the primary identification of those social groups and families, among which the development and formation of terror is most likely. At the same time, a probable aggressor is identified, and all the necessary complexes for educating and preventing violence are directed at him. The state of constant anger, discontent, aggression, lack of adequate education - such prevention is aimed at combating them.

Throughout his life, a person enters into various social groups - a group of peers, friends, a school class, a work brigade, an interest club, a sports team - but only the family remains the group that he never leaves. The family is the most common type of social organization.

domestic violence is as much a crime as violence of any other kind. No one has the right to attack a person physically, sexually or emotionally. Violence in the walls of the house differs little from violence on the street, although many, especially the perpetrators themselves, perceive it differently. The mutual desire of two people to live together does not yet give either side the right to use violence against the other. However, domestic violence is a daily occurrence.

Domestic violence usually occurs for a variety of reasons. Approximately 40% of all domestic crimes are associated with alcohol use, 5% are caused by drug use, 15% are related to financial difficulties, the remaining 40% are general relationship problems in which violence acts as a means of expressing dissatisfaction.

Quite often, the only way out is to end all relationships. It is necessary to resort to the professional help of specialists (psychologist, lawyer).

Sometimes it is much more difficult to break an alliance than to get along. Some victims choose to stay with the abuser just to avoid being alone. Therefore, third-party intervention is often necessary to remove the source of violence from the house and then deprive it of the possibility of contact with the injured party.

In families where wives are abused (beaten), children also suffer. Many intervention sanctions are issued precisely because of the state's concern for children. Women are afraid to ask for help out of shame at what their neighbors might think, but there is no other way out.

3.6. Sexual abuse and protection from it.

Violence against a person can be physical or mental. sexual abuse includes both physical and mental violence.

Forced sex can take the form of sexual harassment, sadomasochism, rape, or child abuse.

Sexual harassment- any unwanted, against the will of a person, persistent manifestation of sexual attention on a verbal or non-verbal level, including such actions as unwanted touching, forcing a date and inducing sexual activity.

Sexual harassment is often associated with abuse of office and is considered a form of sexual discrimination. Such cases are noted, in particular, in educational institutions by teachers in relation to students.

Sexual sadomasochism- sexual deviation associated with the pleasure of inflicting or experiencing physical or emotional pain. Sadists experience pleasure in hurting another, masochists experience pain in pain.

Sadomasochistic behavior ranges from the experience of appropriate fantasies, when the pain is only imaginary, to criminal acts that pose a threat to life. There is a point of view that the sadomasochistic orientation is formed on the basis of childhood experience.

Rape- forcing a person to sexual activity, sexual intercourse with the use of physical violence, threats or using the helpless state of the victim (illness, misunderstanding of the situation, childhood).

Criminal law provides severe punishment for rape up to the highest measure (with aggravating circumstances).

Often, rape is motivated either by the need to dominate and dominate, or by aggressiveness towards the opposite sex. As a rule, women are subjected to rape, the average age of the victims is 16-19 years; The average age of perpetrators of rape is 21-29 years.

Sexual assault falls into two categories. The first category includes those cases when the attacker is familiar to the victim, and here verbal and other non-physical methods of influence play an important role; to the second - cases when the victim is completely unfamiliar to the rapist.

There is a myth in society that the rapist always wins. However, the facts show the opposite: 70% of women who fought back the perpetrator escaped rape.

Rape by a stranger can be prevented if a woman knows self-defense techniques. In addition, situations associated with the danger of being attacked can be avoided. Rape often occurs after dark in alleys or parking lots.

Rape committed by an acquaintance often occurs during pre-arranged meetings, sometimes referred to as "date rape". A third of these crimes are committed in the home of the victim and account for more than 45% of all rape cases.

The category of “date rape” includes so-called gang rape when a group of young people belonging to, for example, a student organization, a sports team, a work group, etc., attack a woman they know.

From 20 to 25% of female students are faced with forced sex attempts, more than half of them are subjected to aggression at one time or another in their lives. Aggressive actions on their part, men usually explain the sexually arousing behavior of the victim or the effects of alcohol and drugs.

The perpetrator often promises that he will not cause harm if the victim will comply with all his requirements. However, such promises are often lies that cannot be trusted. It has been observed that in order to avoid a long term of imprisonment that threatens the criminal if he is caught, the latter is ready to do anything so that the victim cannot subsequently identify him. However, there are situations in which it is better to surrender and submit to the aggressor. Although this option is not very “attractive”, compliance may be the only way to stop physical violence. However, even if capitulation gives a better chance of survival, it is still necessary to look for any opportunities to escape or counterattack.

It has been proven that victims who actively resist the rapist suffer much less psychological trauma later than those who succumb. However, it should be remembered that confrontation is by no means limited to the physical aspects of self-defense.

Physical self-defense should be resorted to only in the most extreme cases. One thing is indisputable: the more skillful and confident a person is in the means of self-defense, the more chances he has to get out of such a situation without injury.

To reduce the risk of rape,:

- securely lock windows and doors in case of loss of keys, be sure to change the lock;

- before opening the door, find out who is behind it, and make sure that this person is really who he claims to be;

- dress for a walk so that in case of danger you can move freely and run away from the pursuer, you can hang a whistle at the wrist;

- in case of an attack, shout: “Fire!”, Not “Help!” or “Rape!”

Of all types of crimes, sexual violence is registered to a lesser extent: for every 8-10 rapes - only 1 registered case. This is due to the fact that it is usually not easy for the victim of this kind of crime to talk about what happened, even with the closest people. A survivor of physical and mental abuse may experience shame, guilt, fear of re-attack.

3.7. child abuse.

Crimes against children have been of particular concern in many countries in recent years. Sexual crimes - involvement in sexual activity of children and adolescents who have not completed their physical development and mental development. They inflict great physical and mental harm on their victims, who may later develop promiscuity, prostitution, crime against their own children, and sexual dysfunction.

mental abuse- these are acts that are accompanied by accusations against the child, scolding, shouting, belittling his successes, humiliating his dignity; prolonged deprivation of the child of love, tenderness, care and safety from the parents; coercion to loneliness; committing violence against a spouse, other children, pets in the presence of a child.

Physical violence are actions or lack of actions on the part of parents or other adults that result in the physical and mental health of a child being impaired or endangered. For example, corporal punishment, punching, kicking, burning, choking, rough grasping, pushing, using a stick, belt, knife, gun, etc.

As a result of physical violence, the child experiences aggressiveness, anxiety towards other people; damage to various organs of the body, violations of the senses; fear of physical contact, fear of going home; delayed mental and physical development, inactivity; increased shyness, decreased curiosity, fear of adults; games with younger children, not peers.

As a result of mental and physical violence, psycho-emotional trauma, delayed physical and speech development, nightmares, sleep disturbances, fear of the dark, fear of people, suicide attempts, loss of the meaning of life, goals in life (in adolescents), the formation of such character traits, like resignation, pliability, depression, sadness, helplessness, hopelessness, lethargy.

sexual abuse is any contact or interaction between a child and an older person in which the child is sexually stimulated or used for sexual stimulation: showing the genitals, using the child to sexually stimulate an adult; caress, eroticized care; rape with the use of force, oral-genital contact; sexual exploitation (pornographic photos with children, prostitution).

Behavioral and psychological characteristics of sexual abuse: oddity (too complex or unusual) of sexual cognitions or actions in a child; sexual harassment of children, adolescents, adults; complaints of itching, inflammation, pain in the genital area, physical ill health; feeling anxious when other children cry; tics, thumb sucking, rocking.

As a rule, the child hides his sexual relationship with an adult or with a peer due to helplessness and addiction, as well as threats from the abuser.

Pedophilia- criminalized sexual harassment of minor children by adults.

In most cases, pedophilia consists of caressing and touching the victim's genitals; sometimes physical violence is used. About 2/3 of the victims of pedophilia are girls; most perpetrators are adult males who are family friends, relatives, or acquaintances of the victim.

Pornography- depiction of erotic behavior in order to stimulate sexual arousal.

Pornography is legally considered offensive and unsuitable for public display if it is clearly obscene. The pornographic industry (magazines, movies, television and pornographic literature), which is larger than the record industry and the film industry combined, portrays reality in an exaggerated and distorted way.

People who oppose pornography are concerned that it promotes violent, aggressive behavior by men towards women. Of particular concern is the illegal publication of child pornography, which can "inspire" a person to act in the spirit of what he saw.

3.8. Rules for the safe existence of children and adolescents.

One of the primary tasks of parents and teachers is to explain to children and adolescents their main right:

The right to be safe All people have rights that cannot be taken away, such as the right to breathe. No one can take away the right to be unharmed.