How to survive a breakup with a loved one and cope with pain? How to survive parting with a loved one easier: psychologist's advice for women and men
At the beginning of the development of relationships, when the hearts of lovers are overflowing with passion and life is seen entirely in pink colors, it seems to both women that their love is eternal, and after many years they will also be happy together. However, reality does not always live up to expectations, and many people one day have to face the pain of parting with a loved one.
Probably, most of us have already experienced a painful separation and disappointment from unfulfilled expectations, because it rarely happens that the first love becomes the only one. But you can’t get used to parting, and divorce or parting with a loved one is always stress and psychological trauma. The end of a love relationship affects almost all aspects of life - when the one who until recently could be called your soul mate leaves, the other partner’s well-established course of affairs changes, many plans collapse.
What you need to do to survive a breakup and cope with mental pain
Undoubtedly, unfulfilled plans, a loved one and parting with him are difficult to survive, and it is quite normal that during a divorce or separation people are in a depressed emotional state, but it should be understood that despite the mental pain, life goes on. Therefore, if you do not pull yourself together in time and do not learn to live without your former beloved (beloved), you can fall into a long-term depression and significantly worsen the quality of your life. To survive parting with a loved one and regain emotional peace, psychologists recommend using the following recommendations:
2. Get distracted from thoughts related to parting and unjustified hopes. Psychologists have long established that only 10% of experiences and negative emotions are the result of events, and 90% of emotional unrest is a direct result of negative thoughts and "winding yourself up." “No one will love me anymore”, “I will always be alone”, “I won’t have anyone better than the departed loved one”, “the parting happened solely through my fault” - these thoughts are familiar to everyone who has experienced a parting at least once with a loved one, but it is precisely them that should not be allowed.
3. Do not isolate yourself from the rest of the world and pay enough attention to everyday affairs and work issues. Immediately after parting with a loved one, you want to hide from the whole world and isolate yourself from all affairs, but this desire cannot be indulged. Being in the company of relatives and friends, it is much easier to distract from bad thoughts, and ignoring the solution of current work issues, you can cause significant damage to your own business or provoke a conflict with superiors or work colleagues.
4. Experiment. Change your image, find new hobbies and hobbies, rearrange or repair your apartment - all these measures will help you not only get distracted, but also say goodbye to the past and start a new stage in your life.
5. Go on a trip. Psychologists recommend that people who have experienced a painful separation or divorce, if they have such an opportunity, go on a trip for at least a few days, and preferably for 3-4 weeks. A change of scenery and a lot of bright emotions - the best and despondency.
6. Do good. Good deeds are also considered good medicine for the soul, because by doing good deeds a person can not only distract himself from emotional experiences and thoughts about the completed parting with his beloved, but also raise self-esteem and make new friends. It is not necessary to perform feats - just help your loved ones in something, make a donation for an orphanage or any charitable organization, or buy groceries for a lonely neighbor grandmother.
7. Forgive and let go. No matter how strong the resentment against the departed loved one is, he must be forgiven and mentally thanked for all the good that was in the relationship. You also need to mentally sincerely wish him happiness and good luck and let him go, because only by getting rid of the old attachment, you can open your heart to new love.
What Not to Do After Your Loved One Has Passed Away
All the recommendations given above are quite simple and effective, and yet, many people, despite the competent advice of psychologists and relatives, can suffer from depression for years, which arose as a result of parting with a loved one. Therefore, knowing what to do in order to survive a divorce or separation is not enough - you also need to know what NOT to do. For those who want to survive parting with a loved one, get rid of mental pain and regain happiness, it is by no means recommended:
1. Immediately after breaking up, start a new romance in spite of a departed loved one. The saying "a wedge is knocked out with a wedge" does not always work in love relationships, therefore, until feelings for one person subside completely, one should not start new romantic relationships, as these. Constantly comparing your new partner to your ex will only hurt yourself, and no one deserves to be taken advantage of.
2. To take revenge on a departed loved one. Revenge in itself is a thankless task, because with its help it is impossible to either force a loved one to return, or regain peace of mind, but to spoil one's own reputation and expose oneself in the eyes of others as a vile and petty person is easy. Telling nasty things about your ex, trying to destroy his new relationship, threatening or blackmailing him are the best ways to make an enemy in the face of a former loved one and drive yourself even more into depression.
3. Constantly remember how good you were together. General photos in prominent places, constant conversations about your happy past together and thoughts about how good it would be if the separation had not happened - this is what destroys and does not allow you to live today. No matter how wonderful the past, it must be left in the past and make every effort to make the future even better.
4. Trying to sort things out with an ex. If a person made a decision to leave and left, then you should recognize his choice and let go, and not look for answers to questions that, by and large, no longer matter. No matter how painful it is, do not forget about pride and dignity and do not try to pursue a partner and ask him to return - the only feeling that a person who begs for love can cause is pity.
"When one door closes behind you, then two others open ahead" - the well-known truth says, so you should not knock on a closed door, but you need to move forward. Having let go of the former loved one and wishing him all the best, you need to try to live for yourself, enjoy every day and give joy to others, and then sooner or later a new love will appear in life.
The advice of a professional psychologist given in this article will help you survive the negative moments when parting or breaking off relations with a loved one.
1) It's not the end of the world - in our world everything is changeable. This applies to any relationship as well. Even the most stable couples can break up.
Sometimes, we see a picture of an ideal romantic relationship. The guy takes care of the girl, she reciprocates. Everyone around admires the beautiful and tender feelings of young people. And then after a month or a couple of months they break up - conflicts, quarrels, disagreements arise. This example shows that we need to have a clear understanding of the unstable and changeable life.
Do not make plans in your head for an eternal relationship, just enjoy the current moment. Even the strongest wall can collapse. If you realize the first advice of psychologists, you can greatly facilitate the period after parting. You are more likely to accept everything as it is.
2) Most likely, you have a hobby. Do what you love, immerse yourself in it completely. Improve in it.
If you happen to go through a hard breakup, being busy will only help. No wonder they say that you need to plunge headlong into work in order to forget about everything. And if this work will bring you pleasure, then you will completely forget about a not very pleasant event in your life.
Psychological advice on how to get over a breakup with someone you love, are based on the fact that a person needs, first of all, to be distracted. You can write a collection of poems, bring to life a long-conceived business plan, reach the top in your favorite sport. Thanks to your hobbies, you will not lose your inner charge of energy, but, on the contrary, you will be filled with new emotions, strengthen your mental health and change your outlook on the current situation.
Gradually, a hobby will not only help you survive parting with your loved one, but will also bring benefits, perhaps even monetary. You will become more independent and confident. No more trifles will lead you into a panic state, and gray working days will change their color to bright and catchy. Having your favorite business, you find a personal life path. You will be independent.
3) Don't live for the relationship, don't sacrifice yourself. Never.
Life is full of various activities, emotions, impressions, every day you can find pleasure and meaning in the world around you.
Unfortunately, there is a strong opinion that the entire life path should consist of certain stages. To turn off the beaten path is comparable to insanity. But understand that relationships and a loved one are just a part of your life. Yes, of course, this is a significant part and very important. But not decisive!
Modern films show us incredible stories about love, endless relationships, happy pastime. In reality, it's not like that. And thanks to fairy tales, films, series, books, young people get the impression that eternal love exists, that each of us is destined to meet our soul mate, and that mutual feelings will always be bright and ardent. If such a thought has stuck in your head, then the advice of a psychologist is simply necessary.
Many people go to work or school by forcing themselves to do so. Every minute they think about how they will return home under the wing of their beloved husband or beloved wife. They imagine that only next to someone can you feel happy and needed. Only thanks to someone can something mean. But don't be like these people.
You are your own independent person. You are in control of your life, and therefore your happiness. You are happiness. Do not associate this wonderful feeling with a person or object. After a while, quarrels will arise, you will no longer understand each other, so the illusory idea of \u200b\u200bideal relationships will collapse. And it will be very difficult to recover. You will be tormented by the question “How to survive a breakup with a loved one?”.
This feature is inherent in most girls. In addition to the established standard thinking, nature also contributes to this. It so happened that biologically in the thoughts of every girl, girl, woman, family directions prevail. To become a faithful wife, a good mother - that's what all the fair sex is thinking about.
Of course, this is a rather important question. But you don’t need to cling to relationships and see in every man a potential father of your child. After all, if a girl convinces herself that here he is, her beloved and only, and the man takes and leaves, the psyche will be disturbed. Perhaps not only psychological help will be needed, perhaps we will also talk about drug treatment.
4) If, nevertheless, a breakup happened, watch your emotions. Don't let life stop making you happy.
Believe me, a gloomy look and sleepless nights will not put your appearance in order, but frequent walks with friends in the fresh air and playing sports are just the opposite.
Depression can become your constant companion. And over time, you will not cope with self-perceptions. You will be annoyed by such trifles as a sudden rain, a torn off button. You will snap at loved ones, and sometimes at strangers. You don't have to put yourself in that position.
There are examples when men, not knowing how to survive parting with a loved one, went to a monastery or simply did not go out in public. Locked from the whole world, you can not find a way out. There is no need to make a tragedy. Otherwise, you may end up in the hospital with serious illnesses. After all, it is from the health of the nervous system that certain diseases arise. Think of the consequences!
5) Don't look for new relationships right away. A common mistake is looking for a new partner.
Here, it would seem, the door closed behind a loved one. It's all over, the relationship collapsed. And what do many do? Instantly, with trembling hands, with perspiration on their foreheads, they begin to scroll in the mind: “I need a new boyfriend (new girlfriend).”
This is not a top priority that needs to be addressed. First of all, you analyze your condition. Inside yourself, most likely, you will feel a certain emptiness, loss, weakness, lack of joy, depression. So why are you now starting a new relationship that will be artificially created? It is unlikely that you will feel drawn to a new partner.
To begin with, understand yourself. All the advice of psychologists on this topic tends to be that at such moments, dialogues with the inner self help a lot. Do not be afraid to ask yourself questions and answer them.
Do not look for new feelings. Jumping from one relationship to another is unlikely to help, except for a short period of time. All you have to do after a breakup is to analyze your condition and love yourself. Decide for yourself once and for all that you deserve a good life, a warm and mutual relationship, pleasant emotions.
Help yourself find harmony. To do this, accept the situation, do not try to keep up with the past and believe in a better future. Faith is the main ally. Faith and self love.
6) No need to fight past memories that hurt the soul.
Our brain is designed in such a way that memories constantly arise as a result of any associations: smells, melodies, tastes. When you don’t understand how to survive a breakup with a loved one, everything around you reminds you of past relationships. Each branch, each flower, each bench has a connection with the past. And thoughts are filled with nostalgic notes, you return to a sad state again, a lump forms in your throat and it is difficult to breathe.
This feature can be compared to an old cracked record. As soon as the melody reaches the damaged place, everything starts all over again. Sounds become similar to gnashing, squeaking, but the brain tirelessly continues to put on a broken record.
Maybe in this way nature is joking with our emotions and experiences? Who knows. But you have to fight those thoughts. Just evaluate the whole situation. Just understand that the memories will not be better for you or anyone else. Don't try to fix the old record, it can't be made new.
Embark on a new path confidently and firmly. Throw a broken record far into the past. Do not ignore the advice of psychologists, because with the help of each of them it will be easier for you to cope with any difficulties.
7) Accept the fact that the relationship is over. Don't look for ways back. Don't try to bring back the past.
If you do not let go of past relationships, then they will always interfere with the construction of future ones. It happens that a girl or a guy, not knowing how to survive a breakup with a loved one, hopes to the last that the couple will be restored. The sooner you decide for yourself that there is no possibility of restoring any feelings, the sooner you will be in order. Thinking about the way back should not fill your life.
To make it easier to take this step, sort out all the details that prevent you from forgetting your partner. Throw away all the reminders of the relationship: photos, gifts, clothes.
8) Do not expect help and care from the outside world.
You are completely independent. Your current position in society, your workplace, the attitude of other people towards you depends on you. No need to live with unrealistic dreams and plans. Just enjoy today. After all, no one knows what the Universe is preparing for us even tomorrow. So what can you plan if you don't know what's going to happen?
If you are independent, then you absolutely do not need someone who will instruct you, convince or order. You yourself are the master of your life, dispose of your actions and build your personal plans.
An invisible thread that can form between two people has the ability to grow over time into a thick, strong collar that does not allow one to move at will. Do you like the life of a puppet? Hardly.
Don't need anyone or anything. Do not expect the world to bring you pleasant surprises and gifts. Even if you are confident in the success of your business, do not tell anyone about it. Don't need anyone's advice and approval. It is useless to ask someone about your future.
All the advice of psychologists says that if your partner leaves your life, you should not panic. It only means that you turned out to be stronger, and why do you need a weak partner? Next to such a person you will not grow. You will sink to his level. The lack of development leads to a decrease in interest in life, in a favorite business, in friendly meetings.
Love addiction has never led to anything good. Don't be part of a relationship, be an independent self-formed person.
9) If there was a break in your life with a partner, leave the next six months for adaptation.
This period is simply necessary for the full recovery of the mental state. To start trusting other people again.
Having met a good person in the first six months after parting with a previous partner, do not try to build a family with him. It is best if you do not take any serious steps at this time. Also, do not demand anything important from a new acquaintance or acquaintance.
Try to use communication to your advantage. Rejoice in life. Laugh and have fun.
A very important point: your loved one is not your property. It is attempts to appropriate all the free time of a partner that often leads to negative consequences. Instead, just be happy and spread happiness around you. Believe me, the person who will receive joyful emotions next to you will definitely reciprocate. Just remember, these emotions must be sincere, and not feigned and invented.
As practice shows, the advice of psychologists regarding how to survive parting with a loved one suggests that support is the basis of a long and successful relationship. Support your partner in all endeavors, do not laugh at his failures and losses, help in all matters. Look into the interests of a loved one. Share also your experiences, interests, thoughts.
Remember, if you need a person, then only right. This means that you may experience a pleasant melancholy during a short separation, that you may miss communicating with your loved one or loved one. It is important to want to be together, but not to depend entirely on it.
Every decision in your relationship should be shared. That is, when solving important issues, listen to the opinion of a partner. Tell him your thoughts. Come to a compromise, this is very important.
10) Ask yourself the question: “Are my feelings about the relationship real or are they illusions?”
If you are tormented by the question: “How to survive a breakup with a loved one?”, Then the following advice from psychologists can come to the rescue. Use internal dialogue. Just talk to yourself. Do not be afraid to do this, no one will consider you crazy. This is just one type of introspection.
Draw a parallel between reality and the sensations of your inner world. Look at your former partner. He seems perfect to you. Everything about it is top notch. And the figure, and appearance, and mental qualities. Now look at it through the eyes of another person.
Just forget the feelings that arose next to the second half. Do not be distracted by memories of warm touches, gentle words, joyful meetings. You will absolutely notice that there is nothing special about this person. He is the same as many others. He has an ordinary face, an ordinary body. There is no unique glint in the eyes.
This is a long-known method in psychology, which helps to dispel the drawn images and get rid of invented additions to the personality of your former lover or lover.
11) Love yourself with all the virtues and with all the flaws.
Why are breakups so difficult for you? Because your whole being is attached to the feeling that arises. You begin to get used to the stable state. And in the event of a breakup, you experience a deep loss, longing and sadness.
There is only one way out - you must always put yourself first. Accept yourself. And you will see how much easier life will become for you. And it's not just about love relationships. You will be easier to relate to working moments, to important events, to failures. You will quickly begin to come to the right decision and find a way out of any situation faster.
12) Loving yourself will ensure you get rid of addiction.
You will not need anyone else for self-realization, for a feeling of happiness, for a prosperous life. Thanks to this, you will find harmony with the world, with the Universe. You will reveal your inner reserves, and the people around you will begin to respect you more.
Friends, these simple formulas for solving the problem How to get over a breakup with a loved one will be a real help to you. Just let the advice of psychologists into your life, do not ignore them, and your head will be cleared of unnecessary rubbish that accompanies any breakup.
Alena Golovina
Interesting
Breakups are part of our lives, people break up for various reasons. One of the hardest experiences is parting with loved ones. Sometimes even the strongest and most strong-willed people cannot bear it and do not know how to forget the person you love.
After all, until recently there was a feeling that this person was there forever, and life was presented only with him. At such moments, it seems that this is a temporary discord, it will pass and everything will work out.
Maybe this is a temporary pause, not a break? But how to understand: this is the end of a relationship or a necessary pause in order to realize that it is simply impossible to live without each other. How not to make a mistake? Indeed, it is at such moments that a feeling of resentment, misunderstanding, a huge amount of mental pain overwhelms. At such moments, you want to disappear, hide from everything that happens, forget like a bad dream. I want to get rid of resentment, pain as soon as possible and replace this pain with something or someone. But doubts arise in my head: what if this is just a misunderstanding and everything will work out? After all, there was a stormy, crazy love ... What if, in a fit of emotions, you make a mistake and then you will regret it all your life?
Be reasonable, do not make decisions in a fit of emotions, but do not console yourself with unnecessary illusions, assess the situation sensibly. After all, the wrong decision can lead to new problems. If you already understand that the past relationship cannot be returned, have firmly decided to get rid of the past, then do it to the end.
It always hurts a lot when you remember a loved one. Try not to go back to those memories when a loved one or loved one was near. The mind will constantly bring you back to the past, it is not ready to accept what happened. Your mind in such situations becomes a monster, tormenting you again and again, returning you to the past, tormenting you with doubts, filling you with resentment, blinding with anger. Therefore, in order not to provoke the mind, get rid of everything that reminds you of a person. Remove photos, delete his phone number, messages, hide away his gifts.
Time always heals, and after a few months you will look at things differently. Any souvenir can become a bright memory of the pleasant moments that once were. But it is up to you to decide whether to get rid of everything forever or just put it in a distant box.
How to deal with the pain of a breakup
Let yourself cry. There is no need to hide tears: through tears, emotional pain comes out. Don't be ashamed of it, it hurts you and you have a right to it. Allow yourself to experience with all your might, let all the pain that fills you come out with tears. But try to do it alone with yourself or work with a specialist, because any friend who sympathizes with you, girlfriend, resonates with you, intensifies this pain, and does not reduce it. Of course, you need to be with someone, but try not to sow your pain, the "harvest" will then return to you. Try not to allow yourself to call or text an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend in this state. Allow yourself to cry with all your heart, a day or two, maybe a week, but in no case do not let this state become your everyday, for many months.
- We cried, worried - and that's enough, stop!
After all, there are reasons for everything. If the breakup happened through your fault, realize what you made a mistake, and do not repeat this in the future. If the breakup was due to the fault of your partner and he does not want to see, realize his mistakes, then he is not yet ready for a serious relationship or his character, ego, do not suit you.
The next few days should be spent under the motto: "I pull myself together" . Control yourself! Any life experience makes a person stronger. You have already given yourself time to experience, and now it's time to gather strength and understand that you are a strong and wonderful person! Of course, more than once you will feel a lump in your throat, but remember: when you break up, you lose your relationship with the person, but not yourself, you have yourself. So not everything is lost, although at such moments it seems that you have lost yourself. The time will come when a person worthy of you will appear in your life.
There is nothing in life that will be with you for life, except for yourself. All things, people in due time come and someday leave your life. Accept it. You need to try not to let the desire (to be together at all costs) take over you if it is no longer possible.
Sport burns emotional pain
Physical activity helps to get rid of emotional pain, experiences. There are three main sources of energy in a person: the soul, the physical body and the mind. Each of them produces and uses a certain type of energy for its own purposes, but when one of the sources weakens for some reason, our body can take part of the energy from another source. But it also happens that one of the sources goes haywire. It turns out an overabundance of some kind of energy. In such cases, you can redistribute excess energy (strong emotion is also energy). If you are not familiar with the techniques for managing your energy flows, you can use an easier way. Burn energy in a public way, that is, physical activity.
Keep in mind that the body first uses its energy, and when you have already chosen the energy that is stored in the body for instant expenditure, only then will your body begin to look for all available sources of energy. This usually starts to happen after 30-40 minutes of active load. If you are not a trained athlete, by this time you will start to get tired. Emotional energy will start to burn out when your body is tired and it seems that the muscles can no longer work - it is at this moment that what you started it for happens. And the longer you load the body, the easier it will be emotionally for you later. One time is enough for someone, someone will need a week or two to load themselves. It all depends on how strong your brain is, how much emotional energy it has generated.
There are other techniques and ways to work with emotional pain. There are a lot of working techniques on the Internet, you can choose any of them for yourself.
- Technique of working with one's own energy "How to get rid of resentment."
- Technique "Tell it like it is."
- Technique "Write a letter".
- Breathing from "heartache".
- The EFT technique is an emotional freedom technique.
Emotional pain comes from our ego
The human ego creates certain conditions in which our mind begins to generate emotional energies. It is these energies that hurt us, or rather, they themselves are emotional pain. They arise because of the dissonance of reality with the desires of our ego. You should also know that when the ego provokes, for example, resentment, the mind begins to generate the emotion of resentment. At this moment, the soul and body begin to resonate, the grievances of the past wake up, usually every person has experiences of grievances in the past, so they begin to resonate, intensifying the experience.
To avoid pain, we need to harmonize our ego with our life, or learn to control our mind. Don't let it generate what we don't want to experience. To some extent, both options can be used for yourself. You just need to understand how and learn how to do it.
But for now, the mind brings you back to the memories of your loved one again and again. Any thing, word, event or even song can throw your mind into memories and experiences. In such situations, it is important to learn to keep the mind calm, and the re-education of the ego is the next stage of work.
Energy connections with a person
People, coming into contact with each other, include energy connections. And the denser, emotionally brighter and longer the contact, the stronger these ties. For example, energy connections through chakras are used in love spells. Such connections, like the ego, provoke the mind to generate experiences. Any person (whether he is a psychic or not) feels such connections, just not everyone is aware of them. You can be aware of the emotional pain that these connections bring, but not be aware of the connection itself, not see it.
Many people can manage their mind if they know how to handle it correctly. But with energy connections it is already more difficult, here you need the intervention of an empath or a parapsychologist.
Energy connections after a breakup work in two directions.
- First. They energetically and emotionally exhaust both those in this connection.
- Second. They act like a narcotic substance that affects the will of a person. In practice, the energy connection is very reminiscent of the presence of a person nearby, as if the person you are trying to forget is always next to you, in the same room, although he can be anywhere at this time, even in another city. Such connections often provoke the mind to new emotions, and this can continue indefinitely. Trying to get rid of them, not knowing how to do it, you can only strengthen them.
Probably, many will agree that any work should be done by a specialist who knows what and how to do it. Energy connections can be neutralized by a person who sees, feels them, an empath (this is a psychic who can feel the feelings, emotions of people and work with them), a parapsychologist. By removing such connections, we exclude another source of provocation for the mind, and uncontrolled dependence on a person is removed. Everything else, if desired, everyone can do himself.
Of course, emotional experiences are of varying degrees and neglect, sometimes a person exhausts himself so much that he is no longer able to do something on his own, to search for and select some techniques for himself. In such cases, it is better to contact specialists. A parapsychologist will be able to choose the right technique for you, remove the accumulated negativity, restore and harmonize your field without using magic. Do not bring yourself to complete exhaustion, the longer you pull, the more difficult and longer the recovery process.
After reading this article, you will learn how to painlessly survive a breakup with a loved one or a divorce from your husband, forgive the one you broke up with, and move on with your life. And subsequently, do not step on the same rake, but meet someone who really suits you, and build other, not like these, mature and happy relationships with him.
If a long time has passed since the breakup, and you still have feelings or resentments, still go through all the steps in the correct order, starting from the very first, as if you broke up yesterday.
How to survive a breakup with a loved one / divorce from a husband - 6 steps:
In the article, you will receive step-by-step instructions on how to survive a breakup with a loved one or a divorce from your husband. If you do not go through all these steps after a serious relationship, then you, like many others, will face a sad picture: the next partner will resemble the previous one, and there will be no happiness and harmony in the relationship. Here are six steps to getting through a breakup safely:
Step #1: Realize and Accept
The first step in solving any problem is to recognize and accept it. In order to survive a breakup, you need to accept and understand the situation. If you are abandoned, then you must understand that this means that the partner does not love you. He doesn't need you. As harsh as it may sound, it's true. And without accepting this fact, you cannot move on.
A loving person will fight to maintain the relationship in every possible way, to the last he will try to solve your common problems. And if a person, instead of going through a crisis in a relationship or compromising something, chooses to leave, then he did not love you. Realize this and accept it. This is definitely not your person.
And if this person does not need you, then why should you try to return him or continue to suffer for him? You've invested in a relationship that doesn't love you. But even worse, you continue to invest in them now. You spend your time, your energy and strength, your nerves on memories, suffering and experiences.
Accept the situation as it is. And only after that move on.
Step #2: Live the emotions
Breaking up with a loved one is second on the scale of stress after the death of a loved one. If such serious stress is not experienced immediately, it runs the risk of subsequently moving into. It happens that a person divorced and immediately began the next relationship, without waiting until he felt the separation. After some time (several months or a year), he may begin to experience stress or even depression, seemingly from scratch. He will think - from what is it? After all, everything was in order. The thing is that a person suppressed emotions in himself. And this should never be done. Otherwise, after a while, they will go into depression or a serious illness.
Therefore, there is no need to hold back. I want to be sad - be sad. It occurred to you to express your anger - express it in safe ways. Shout with all your might: in the car, in the forest, in the field. Beat the pear, beat the pillows. Don't keep anything to yourself. I suggest you use the so-called method of paradoxical intention - to strengthen the emotion. You want to cry - cry with all your might, roll on the floor, sob to "All by myself" or any other sad songs designed for sobbing. Live your emotions to the fullest. Give yourself at least a week to do this. Or three. Make sure that during this time all the bad things come out of you.
At this step, you already need to gradually stop calling your ex, follow on social networks, review photos and walk around places that remind you of him. Deny yourself these pleasures day after day. Make sure that by the end of this period, your visits to the page and walks in places with memories are completed. This is an essential need!
Step #3: Forgive and let go
The third step should begin only after you have fully expressed all the surging emotions.
So, step three. Forgiveness and letting go of resentment. It doesn't matter who initiated the end of the relationship - you or your partner. If you loved, then resentment will remain in any case. And they need to be dealt with.
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Your psychologist Lara Litvinova
