Unhappy Together: Five Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship. Psychology of relations between a man and a woman: co-creation of close souls. Too Much Focus on Changing Your Partner

Let's identify the 15 most common signs of an unhealthy relationship at its initial stage

The concept of "healthy relationships" is different for each person, and we all build our unions as we see fit. Very often, looking at someone else's family, from the outside it seems that such a relationship is not normal. For example, I had a friend who was constantly cheated on by her husband. Moreover, all her actions and deeds were subjected to his harsh criticism, despite the fact that she was much more successful than him. The girl suffered, was nervous, and when I asked her why she endures it, she said: "How else? I will endure ...". And how many examples do we know when women endure disrespect for themselves, humiliation, beatings, betrayal because "I'm used to it, the family, the children ...".

Let's identify the 15 most common signs of an unhealthy relationship in its early stages.

He always accuses you of all mortal sins

A man who can't admit he's wrong is scary. In an unhealthy relationship, a person does not see problems in himself and shifts responsibility to a partner. You will be to blame for the fact that he punctured the wheel, had a fight with the boss, in sour milk and bad weather outside the window. Compromises are one of the most important components of a relationship and it is important to understand this.

He doubts you and doesn't trust you

Insecure people are prone to unhealthy excessive jealousy. He constantly doubts you, tries to catch you in a lie, checks your phone and social networks. It seems to him that you are too kind to the valet, and the employee looks at you suspiciously - did you have something? He controls your meetings with girlfriends and chastises you if you are late at work. Trust is something without which a healthy relationship cannot be built.

He constantly gives you ultimatums

"Either I, or your girlfriends", "If you stay late at work, I won't come home at all." What is blackmail? A man should give you freedom of choice and action. Blackmail and psychological pressure destroy relationships. No one has the right to suppress your desires and aspirations.

He is constantly trying to change you

You don't have that haircut. You need to lose weight. You laugh too loudly. You don't dress like that. Do not forget that initially the partner fell in love with you for who you are. Accepting a person for who they are is the foundation of a healthy relationship. Comparing you to others and trying to change you is not normal. If you annoy your man like that, he will always be unhappy with you. Do you need such a man?

He criticizes all your actions

Whatever you do, it's not right. You don't drive well, even though he doesn't drive at all. You cook badly. You made a bad presentation for work, even though he is a layman in your field of activity. You bought a terrible gift for your mother. And you repainted unsuccessfully. No matter how hard you try, everything a priori is always bad. If there are always reasons for dissatisfaction with you, then this is a reason for you to say goodbye. Someone else will definitely appreciate everything you do.

He's trying to put you in your place

If a man constantly clearly makes you understand that you are nobody and nothing without him, run. Otherwise, over time, you will lose confidence in yourself and become really helpless. A man should understand that a girl in the 21st century is self-sufficient and independent. To reproach her, for example, with a lower income is stupid, she will screw in the light bulb herself, and the plumber (or another man) will fix the tap.

You don't feel happy

It's trite, but just ask yourself the question: "Are you happy as a woman?" If you have doubts - an occasion to think. If a relationship with a man does not bring you the necessary emotions, butterflies in your stomach and the confidence that you are loved, this is not your relationship.

You are constantly offended by each other

In healthy and happy relationships, people are able to talk and discuss their problems. Oddly enough, this is what helps to solve the problem, and not to postpone it indefinitely. And in an unhealthy relationship, you just take offense and accumulate resentment, be prepared for the fact that very soon everything will collapse.

you lie to each other

There is no good lie. In those cases when you deliberately tell your beloved wrong (or he tells you) - you should think about what the future of your relationship is in principle. Be frank and then you can count on mutual frankness. In an unhealthy relationship between a man and a woman, lies are the foundation.

He's obsessed with you

If your man can’t imagine a single day without you, that’s good, but you shouldn’t go too far with this either. You need to understand what to spend time separately and have for any person.

He always compares you to someone

One of the most frustrating parts of any relationship is the realization that he had someone before you. But it's absolutely disgusting when he constantly compares you with this "someone". Lenka has longer legs, Masha has a prettier smile, and so on. And, we almost forgot about how much tastier my mother's borscht is! You can try to change your man for another. What if you manage to tell an unhealthy relationship while being happy with another?

He doesn't respect you

In fact, this is a symbiosis of all the above signs of an unhealthy relationship. Do you understand perfectly well that without respect it is impossible to build a strong and reliable union? Besides, what's the point of holding on to a relationship where your opinions, your accomplishments, and what you're proud of don't matter?

He can only talk about himself

You spent 5 hours listening to how he and his friends went to football / how the boss praised him / how lucky you were that he paid attention to you? Run! Yes, hurry up, please! If he does not care about your life, then he does not see you around as a girl. You are just a spectator in his theater. Alas.

You fight all the time

Naturally, quarrels are normal. But if even the most innocent topics bring both of you to a fit, tears and tantrums, this is a wake-up call. You should work a little on your relationship, otherwise such love will not last long.

He manipulates you

Ultimatums, threats, manipulation - if there is too much of this in any relationship, then they automatically become toxic and unhealthy. Think about the fact that your man should value you as an equal and not be cunning. The next stage will be hypnosis, not otherwise. Therefore, it is better to end such relationships quickly and painlessly.

We recently talked about 5 things to do before a first date. Read tips.

From a client’s request: “Am I somehow not like that, or do we have the wrong relationship? People say: “Everyone lives like this!”, but it seems to me that something went wrong.”

The relationship between a man and a woman is like a flower. They need care and watering, otherwise they can get sick and wither. The people around do not notice anything, and the man and woman are swinging on an emotional swing: either they suffer, they are hurt and hard, then a relatively even period begins. Together - sheer irritation, apart - dreary and lonely. Such dysfunctional relationships can go on for years. This is dangerous not only for life together, but also for the men and women themselves. Increased nervousness, health problems are often the result of long months of interpersonal tension. If you notice the problem in time, then there is still hope to fix everything and not bring it to a nervous breakdown or divorce. So, if you observe at least a few of the symptoms listed below, then your relationship is in danger.

Unhealthy Relationships: 20 Signs

Lost trust. You can no longer be sure that he is doing everything possible to help you, take care of your relationship and cherish it. Maybe he will do not as you ask, but as only he needs. This is insulting and is called distrust.

Attempts to understand the relationship stumble upon a wall of silence or resistance. The avoidance strategy is inherent in a person in two main cases. Firstly, when he has something to hide, and secondly, when he is indifferent to the consequences of hushing up problems.

You say: “Oh, that’s it!…”, because it’s impossible to explain something and you don’t want to. Yes, sometimes it seems to you that it is useless to try to explain anything, as if you speak different languages. It remains to be hoped that "by itself everything will be explained."

Lost the feeling of happiness. No one expects that happiness will be your companion every second, but in a relationship there should be a place for this state, sometimes sharp and hot, like fireworks, sometimes soft and warm, like coals like in a fireplace. If you live in an evenly gray world, then something is broken. Usually, one or two consultations are enough to get the solution to this problem off the ground. (read more about consultations)

Even an ordinary conversation can end in a scandal. Clinging to words, twisting thoughts, seeing subtext where there is none - this is a provocation of conflict. Out of the blue, a quarrel arises. It is especially difficult if there are children in the family.

You have forgotten the last time you loved each other, and did not fulfill your marital duty. Only the two of you know what games are played in your bedroom, but if it gets boring there, then a serious threat looms over your relationship.

You started getting sick more often. Even modern doctors have already recognized that sometimes living in a neurotic relationship for a long time can harm your health. Therefore, if you have frequent headaches, or a cough out of the blue, or gastritis, or allergies, it's time to think about what's wrong.

Thoughts of change. You think: “Now if ... then he will understand ...” This is quite infantile behavior, which rather shows problems between a man and a woman than is a way to correct the situation.

On the one hand, you are annoyed, and on the other, calmer when you find out that he already has plans for the weekend without you. You understand that as a couple you need to spend the weekend together, but it becomes easier for you when you learn that you can make your own plans. It's still okay if this happened once or twice, but if this is a regular occurrence, it's time to sound the alarm.

You haven't laughed together in a long time. The best way to unite is a common joy or a joint meal. When was the last time you laughed together? By the way, you can go from the opposite. Having fun together can be very therapeutic once you are in the process of healing your relationship.

His smell, habits, voice began to irritate you. What you previously did not pay attention to, suddenly became for you like a red rag for a bull. You can make comments or not, but nothing changes, and you can no longer endure and immediately get annoyed.

You have accumulated claims to each other that are waiting in the wings. It seems to be nothing serious, you can survive, but, as they say, "the sediment remained." This is a very dangerous baggage that threatens to become a time bomb sooner or later. As a family psychologist, I most often have to translate claims from the language of the husband into the language of the wife and vice versa. Sometimes, unfortunately, without my help, people cannot understand what a loved one is talking about.

“Nothing, he’ll survive!”, you think, going into the bathroom to depilate his legs when he shaves there. It is only in Hollywood films that a woman with a green mask on her face looks defenseless and inspires a man to a feat. In reality, all of us, women, understand: demonstrating such an intimate process as depilation or applying a mask, we cross some fine line between “I want to be interesting to this man” and “I don’t give a damn about his interest in me.”

You imagine with irritation that now you have to go home. You don't want to come back from work. How do you feel when you imagine how you will now open the door and again plunge into the world of this relationship? Anticipation of relaxation and calmness or expectation of another stress?

You don't want to dream of a common future. You enter into a relationship to reach some heights together. If dreaminess is less characteristic of a man, then a woman wants someday ... (hereinafter, either a house and grandchildren, or a round-the-world trip together, depending on tastes, fit in). If you do not want to look further than tomorrow, then you do not intuitively see the prospects for this relationship.

You have a constant feeling that the relationship is going through a protracted crisis. Yes, crisis happens to everyone. But that's why it's a crisis, a peak point, in order to survive it, go through it and live on. There is no generally accepted standard for how long a crisis should last, however, if you are several months away from the question: “How are you doing?” you answer: “We are now in a difficult period,” which means that the crisis has long ended and the relationship has entered a new phase of chronically unhealthy.

You are tired of the manifestations of his jealousy. They say that a woman rarely forgives jealousy, but never forgives its absence. But when a man arranges interrogations, reads your correspondence and forbids you to communicate with other men, this is a pathology of relationships.

Jealousy eats you up. If you yourself are burned from the inside by the fear that he might be with someone else, then this is no longer a game that tickles your nerves, but harbingers of insomnia and a nervous tic. The constant expectation of betrayal keeps everyone on their toes.

You feel tired all the time. Sometimes, from one of his presence next to you, it becomes impossible to breathe. If you have heard anything about energy vampirism, then you can imagine what it is like to constantly experience a loss of energy and vitality.

You have forgotten what you love and what you want from life. Blurring personal boundaries in a relationship is not a manifestation of sincere love, but an unnecessary sacrifice. If you have forgotten yourself, dissolved in your partner, then you have lost yourself. This is bad for you and will be bad for everyone else. To learn how to maintain personal boundaries in a relationship, read the article.

I guess we've all seen premarital relationships go wrong. We have all seen how unwise and unhealthy "dating" has led to difficult, problematic, and even doomed marriages. How can we help people avoid this? What are the signs of an unhealthy relationship between a guy and a girl? The book by Louis Priolo helped me a lot in this matter. She offers a long list of "danger signals," but I want to discuss just six of the ones I see most often.

1. Constant doubts. The first "warning signal" is the constant doubt that "this relationship is needed." There are many reasons why such doubts appear. Some of them are quite reasonable, others are ridiculous. The difficulty lies in distinguishing the important reasons from the stupid ones. Praiolo warns: “The Bible teaches that you, as followers of Jesus Christ, must move forward just as long as you are sure that your next step will not lead to sin” (see Romans 14:5, 23). We can draw a general principle from the Bible: do not proceed unless we are sure that our action is not sinful. Praiolo writes, “If what you would like to do you cannot do in faith (the biblical equivalent of ‘certainty’) that it will bring glory to God, then it is best to pause until your conscience is established by God’s Word.” If you have serious, nagging doubts about the wisdom of continuing a relationship leading to marriage, take the time and effort to resolve those doubts biblically.

2. "Forbidden topics." Another warning sign that indicates an unhealthy relationship is the appearance of "no-go topics". Are there any topics that you or your girlfriend (your boyfriend) refuse to discuss? Does your girlfriend (your boyfriend) avoid these topics out of fear, anger, or pain? Such “taboos” hide two possible serious problems: “This pattern of thinking may indicate either your friend’s (girlfriend’s) inability to biblically solve some internal problems or an underlying strong desire to get approval from you.” The reason for such “taboos” may also be fear due to a possible negative reaction from the “partner” – emotional and even physical. In any case, in the future, marriage will not be able to flourish if the couple has taboo topics, because they will be a constant threat to intimacy. Learn to talk with your future life partner on any topic, about everything. And let you worry if some topics remain taboo.

3. Strengthening the component of physical intimacy. A very serious warning signal in a relationship between a guy and a girl is the “progress” in physical intimacy - in that which is allowed only in marriage. Of course, modern culture considers it normal for young couples to include a physical component to ensure sexual compatibility (it is believed that only in this case can one count on a healthy marriage). But the Bible contains many prohibitions against sexual relations outside of marriage, and these prohibitions certainly include the prohibition against premarital intimacy. Moreover, 1 Thess. 4 so strongly condemns fornication that he calls it, in fact, a kind of exploitation of another for one's own pleasure. Be careful not to push yourself to "advance" in physical intimacy and not to allow another to "pressure" you in this matter. Consider this decline in self-control and loss of interest in sexual purity as a wake-up call and a good reason to seek spiritual help, advice, from others.

4. Strong opposition from family and friends. It would be wise to think about your "relationship" if your family members or trusted friends (especially if they are Christians) are categorically against your "friendship". The Bible has much to say about the importance of listening to the wise counsel of others. Of course, even the wisest can make mistakes, but their opinion is always valuable. Others can see what you don't see yourself. They may have wisdom and insight that you may not have. “With many counselors, wisdom will be revealed… If the objections of others are biblical (the wedding should be postponed—if not abandoned altogether—if there are serious biblical objections to it), then pause the relationship until you resolve this matter—seriously , based on the Bible. Let Scripture be your guide in all matters of faith and decisions.” Get the opinion of trusted mentors about your premarital relationship and listen to their opinion.

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5. Lack of spiritual harmony. The Bible forbids Christians to marry unbelievers, because spiritual harmony (the most important kind of harmony) is possible only when your future husband (wife) is a truly religious person. And you must be convinced that your future life partner has been reborn! Also, spiritual harmony largely depends on whether the spouses share important theological truths: the role of husband and wife in the family, the ways of Divine guidance, the sources of God's revelation (only Scripture or some other). Discuss and clarify your views on infant baptism, church attendance, church membership. Nothing is more important than communication during a premarital relationship, so take the time and opportunity to talk about literally everything. Speak, listen, seek harmony.

6. Inability to resolve conflicts. Another serious alarm signal is the inability to resolve conflict situations. This is so important that we would even dare to say that the two main characteristics of a successful marriage are unity of faith and the ability to resolve conflicts in a biblical, God-pleasing way. If these two points are in order, everything else falls into place. “The difference between a good marriage and a bad one is not necessarily the difference between a marriage with little or no conflict and a marriage with much more conflict. The difference is that in a good marriage, conflicts are resolved quickly, biblically, and with a minimum of sin.” Everyone has conflicts, so it is important to learn how to deal with them sensibly, correctly. It is also important to understand that conflict itself is not always a bad thing. Quite often, conflicts are even necessary, because in the relationship between human beings with a sinful nature, problems inevitably arise that need to be solved. A healthy marriage largely depends on whether the couple learns to work on these issues in a constructive way.

“The emptiness sucks. That's why a man is attracted to a woman"
Natalie Clifford Barney

Failed relationships hurt deeply, they make us unhappy. This is almost always a personal tragedy, unfulfilled dreams and desires, a broken heart. Destroyed love traumatizes both members of the couple - both men and women. We do not understand why this happens to us, over and over again we ask ourselves the question: “Why does a man with whom an ideal relationship has developed not call for marriage? Why did he turn out to be completely different after the wedding? Man and woman - the psychology of relationships becomes the main issue for us. The answers are given by the System-Vector Psychology of Yuri Burlan.

Where do dreams go?

When two meet: a man - the very courtesy and romanticism, and a woman - the embodiment of all virtues - then the question of relationships does not arise. They are good together in the snow and in the rain. They enjoy every day and rush to be together every minute.
Then, for unknown reasons, everything starts to fall apart. All stages have been completed, and the woman is waiting for an offer. But the man suddenly stops and announces that he is not ready to marry. Or, having lived together for 2-3 years, it becomes obvious that a completely stranger is nearby, rude, narcissistic, for whom his own interests are the most valuable.

Why, when the first passion passes, do we change? How to build a harmonious relationship between a man and a woman? How to understand your partner and learn to be happy?

Two halves of a whole

The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan claims that a person is created for enjoyment. Most clearly, the principle of pleasure is realized precisely in paired relationships, when a woman can reveal herself in the best possible way, and a man can realize himself most fully.

In order to preserve and continue life, nature has laid the attraction of a man as a giving principle to the opposite sex. Women for him are an object of desire. And the woman shows behavioral sexual activity in relation to the man. She, as a host, wants to receive a sense of security and safety from her partner.

It would seem that nature provides everything for men and women to be happy. But no, in the modern world it is difficult to find people who at least once did not suffer from unhappy love, who would not be worried about relationship issues. Let's understand the psychology of the ongoing processes.

Relationship building

At the dawn of falling in love, when a feeling is just emerging in a couple, when attraction has occurred, men try to surprise, they beautifully look after, pay maximum attention to the object of love. Women do the same: they are nice, they listen attentively to their beloved, they delve into problems. That is, both partners are trying to show themselves from the best side. They hide their flaws, exaggerate their virtues. And this is normal, because men and women want to create a couple. If we immediately showed ourselves real, hardly anyone would want to marry.

Nature has given us an invaluable gift here too - it is reckless love, or rather, the sexual attraction of a man and the object of his desire - his beloved woman.

And this flight lasts three years. During this time, the birth of a child is expected, exactly what the couple needs to do as a task of evolution.

Destruction of relationships

When these golden three years come to an end, hormones return to their former calm state, and then the veil falls from the eyes. "Why doesn't he pay attention to me?" - "Why is she no longer interested in my affairs?". Men and women are confused.

"Love is gone", - we conclude and begin the search for new relationships. At the same time, negative experience remains, which cannot serve as a positive basis for new relationships.

How to build the perfect relationship?

Yuri Burlan and his systems-vector psychology share this secret.

A man craves a woman, this is his natural call. But the girl should not rush on the first dates to satisfy him. For a relationship to have a solid foundation, it is important to create an emotional connection. Find out how your chosen one lives, what he dreams of, immerse himself in the circle of his interests.

Perhaps already at this stage you will understand that this is not your person, you are not interested in him, your dreams lie in a completely different plane. Do not be upset, there are enough men around, and yours is definitely waiting for you.

An emotional connection brings lovers together: common interests, goals, deeds, intellectual kinship. There is a spiritual intimacy, mutual understanding. Intimate relationships, which are a natural extension of a close emotional connection, will gain strength and trust.

To live happily - live in secret

In order for your relationship to develop successfully from the very beginning, in no case do you need to share emotions from them with someone else - with a friend, mother or personal psychologist. Everything that happens between you - romantic evenings, stormy showdowns, other intimate details - this is only your property.

No experience should leak out of your relationship with any third party. The emotional realm should be as intimate as it is in your bedroom.

People who have already completed the training are happy to share their results:

System-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan will reveal for you the secrets of a happy couple relationship, teach you to understand yourself and your partner. You will be able to accurately choose the person who best suits you. Sign up for free online training lectures right now.

The article was written using materials from online trainings on system-vector psychology by Yuri Burlan

Of course, you are a source of inspiration for us. No wonder in the Middle Ages every knight had his own lady of the heart. Oh, how many feats were accomplished for the sake of beautiful eyes! However, as well as vile deeds. Remember, the most famous manipulator of men - Lady Winter. She always knew that men needed to be treated differently. If one smiles coquettishly enough, the other needs to whisper affectionate words in the ear. Remembered? Now remember how badly she ended. Conclusion: you can't fool all men. But sometimes, to pull the blanket over you, you can use a couple of tricks.

Perhaps every lady knows that men initially fall in love with the image that arose before their eyes. There can be many options: from a sexy beauty to a strict teacher. It's a matter of taste here. Knowing the preferences of the object of respiration, you can attract his attention. Everything seems to be simple:

dress nicely,
do not forget about cosmetics,
hairstyle
and a cheerful smile that you need to give your chosen one every day.

So, his first weakness - desire to admire beauty. And the most beautiful is the female body.

Never doubt your attractiveness. Men feel it. If he has already chosen you, then he considers you the most attractive lady in the world. Feel free to wear beautiful underwear. However, you can do without it altogether.

The second weakness is the desire to protect your chosen one.

It just so happened that a man by nature should be stronger and more courageous than a woman. Ladies who have taken on the main role in relationships, remember: your partner will not feel truly happy next to you! We need to take care of the chosen one, to feel like a hunter and getter. Even if you have a skinny, unemployed nerd living with you, he longs to be the leader in the relationship. Pretend to be weak and defenseless.

Maybe you have already seen situations when a woman nailed a nail, repaired a faucet or chopped wood, and a man did not show interest in these duties? So, at the initial stage of the relationship, you do not need to show that you can do without a man. You can be:

beautiful,
successful
easily handle a whole squad of small children
and perfectly cook delicious cabbage soup,

but by no means should know how to:

fasten the cornice
Or repair your laptop.

Roughly speaking, let the man feel like a man. Enjoy the result. He knows that you need him and will be ready to help. And you already know how to use it for your own purposes.

Do not be stingy with praise. If he fixed the cistern in the toilet or the back of the chair, then he deserves a kiss and a piece of pie.

Psychology of relations between a man and a woman. Weaknesses of a man

In addition to the love of beauty and the desire to be a leader in relationships, men have a bunch of little weaknesses with which they can be manipulated. I'll reveal a few secrets.

If the thermometer is 37.3

Any man with the appearance of a cold turns into a capricious child in need of care, affection and care. All married ladies know this truth, and girls in search should take note. For what? Yes, to earn trust, to become a real savior for him. As soon as our hero gets better, he will certainly thank you. In addition, at any opportunity, you can always remind him of your selfless act (otherwise you can’t call it otherwise, you endured a week of whims!), And use this as an argument in a dispute.

And now endure these sighs coming from the sofa, carry tea or broth, and also, with a serious look, take the patient's temperature every hour. Oh my God! She went up 2 degrees! Do not laugh at all. This can be done later in the bath or on the balcony, but so that the men do not see you. Until then, shake your head in sympathy. In the future, you can pretend to be sick yourself (oh, this migraine!) To force a man to do some household chores, walk the dog, cook dinner.

I'm not a henpecked!

No matter how much you want something, never order your man. What we don't like is when they make us henpecked. Self-esteem immediately rushes to the bottom of a deep well, and relationships begin to deteriorate instantly. You are smart creatures, and you must figure out how to imperceptibly make a man do something. Dream up. In extreme cases, re-read Gone with the Wind. The main character knew how to achieve her goals by pouting her lips and languidly lowering her cilia. Even their wives don't like henpecked people. It is important for men to know that you respect him.

For example, you should not say: “I want you to buy me a new dress”, but such a phrase: “I am so angry with myself, but I can’t help it. I saw one dress and fell in love with it.”

If you need a man to take out the garbage: “Something makes my head spin a little. I’m so tired, but I still have to take out the trash ... ”That is, to motivate the chosen one to action, push, hint, but in no case order.

Oh those women's tears

One of the ways to manipulate women often choose tears. Sobs that began in time put men into a stupor. They immediately begin to get lost, even if they were absolutely right in the argument. But here sometimes the ladies go too far, they begin to use this technique too often. As a result, tears only cause irritation. In general, we get tired of too frequent and violent expression of emotions. Measure is good in everything. We need both gingerbread and a whip in equal quantities. Therefore, it is better to give up the intention to constantly shed tears and try to manipulate a man at the same time. But occasionally you can use this technique.

For example, make a sad face. The chosen one will notice your sadness, and if he values \u200b\u200bthe relationship, he will certainly try to cheer you up.

About borscht

Before you force a man to do something, you need to create comfortable conditions for him. Agree, hungry and tired, he will not want to listen to your requests, therefore, first feed your lover. Prepare his favorite dishes, set the table, create a cozy atmosphere. Having tasted delicious borscht, he will be more disposed to conversation. There should always be a bottle of wine in reserve. Alcohol in a small amount will relax the interlocutor. The main thing here is not to overdo it, and not to drink a man to hell. Then you certainly won't get anything from him.

Follow this rule when communicating with superiors. Of course, you do not need to feed and water it yourself, but after dinner the leader is in a relaxed state. Therefore, this is the most auspicious time to address the boss with a request.

Men's weaknesses, of course, can be used for their own purposes. However, be careful that the chosen one does not reveal your intention. In addition, do not forget that men themselves love to manipulate. You may not notice how you yourself fulfill all his whims. However, if the relationship is really serious, it should be pleasant for both you and him to bring joy to the partner. Therefore, no manipulation is needed.

It is difficult to find a more exciting topic than the psychology of relations between a man and a woman. Where, if not in intimate relationships, do we seek complete trust and understanding? In whom, if not in our soulmate, are we trying to consider our own reflection?

At the same time, there is no topic more controversial and controversial than the psychology of relations between a man and a woman. Everyone understands and interprets it in their own way. There is no unanimity on this score even among great thinkers.

Psychology of relations between a man and a woman: the history of the issue

Ancient philosophers identified three types of love between the sexes:

Enthusiastic and passionate love, or eros;

Selfless affection, or agape;

Warm and tender feeling of mutual sympathy, or storge

In the Renaissance, love was considered an attraction to beauty and harmony. Psychoanalysts led by Sigmund Freud have reduced this sublime feeling to "primitive sexuality." In the last century, theories appeared that interpret intimate relationships as a socio-cultural phenomenon.

However, an ordinary person - and there are billions of such people on earth - is hardly interested in these philosophical ordeals. He would have to deal with his feelings in real life - here and now. Let's try to do it together.

Psychology of relations between a man and a woman: mutual dependence

Why does a person feel inferior without love? The answer to this question is obvious: he clearly lacks himself for happiness. This feeling of his own inconsistency and makes him look for a soul mate.

Together with the chosen one, a feeling of self-sufficiency, completeness comes into his life. Hence the strong attachment to the partner. After all, having lost it, a person will again become inferior, flawed. Fear of this makes him grab a stranglehold on his other half.

She begins to play the role of an indispensable drug in his life. Such an unhealthy attachment is often called love, lamenting its deceit. Still, such relationships are controlled by sizzling jealousy.

The slightest hint of betrayal brings unbearable pain. It is the sharper, the stronger the high was. Such alleged love quickly develops into a fierce hatred. After all, an abandoned lover suffers incredibly from the understanding of his insignificance.

The one who manages to firmly bind a partner to himself gets high from the awareness of his own significance. It is not surprising that abandoned partners in new relationships prefer the role of conqueror-heartthrob. Such relationships are based on submission, control, humiliation. They are filled with provocative games of "hunter" and "prey". The one who shows greater composure wins in them.

Many people, fearing such manipulations, generally refuse serious relationships. However, such “freedom” is nothing more than self-deception. In fact, this is also a trap. It includes selfish people who prefer to live as beans rather than build healthy relationships.

Explains the craving for intimate connection with the unconscious desire of a person to restore the integrity experienced by his child in infancy in the arms of his mother. Separated from the nurse, the baby gains independence and loses the blissful feeling of unity with her. But the memory of that unconditional love remains for life.

He will project it onto every object of his sympathy. As a child, he will yearn for the same self-denying love that he experienced in early childhood. Therefore, the relationship of many adults is permeated with an infantile expectation of selfless loyalty and devotion. Each of them trades as if they are afraid to pass on too much, and feel left out if they are not in profit.

Psychology of relations between a man and a woman: maturity and depth of feelings

The experience of attachments and painful breakups encourages people to build relationships on a completely different basis. Their main condition is mutual honesty. Of course, it is preceded by strict selectivity: mature people do not get close to just anyone.

Having entered into an alliance, they do not seek self-affirmation at the expense of a partner. They satisfy their own inferiority with work, interesting work, passion - that allows them to not feel discomfort alone.

It implies a revolution in consciousness, which opens the way to a deep feeling. Partners no longer view love as a deal. It becomes an incentive for them to create healthy relationships and, ultimately, to develop together.

They carefully keep the hearth. The little things in life and temporary difficulties cannot separate them. They do not just scatter like infantile partners, because they realize that feelings are more important than fleeting emotions. Mature people interrupt only unpromising relationships.

This does not mean that their life together is completely cloudless. There are grindings in it, and the misunderstandings that accompany them, and even quarrels. But negative states are not dominant in the lives of mature people. They sensitively react to each other's sufferings and not only do not want, but are ashamed to increase them.

Such partners do not carry over old patterns of behavior from a past life. They are clearly aware that a new life partner cannot be judged by the former. We need to rebuild new relationships, not resurrect the dead.

Psychology of relations between a man and a woman: co-creation of close souls

People feel most comfortable around those who do not make endless demands on them, do not put conditions on them all the time and do not impose obligations. Such psychological freedom in a couple is a guarantee of the individual integrity of both. Everyone has their own interests, their own needs, everyone has the right to privacy, no one needs to dissolve in someone else's inner world.

Maintaining a certain distance does not prevent the partners from getting closer again, each time rising to a new level, enriching the relationship with the experience gained. Instead of attachment, total understanding reigns here. According to the apt expression of Jonathan Swift, in such a pair, one of the partners hears even those words that were not uttered by the other.

Truly mature people are not afraid to be alone. A sense of deep mutual responsibility allows them to let go of each other for a long time and far away. At the same time, the spiritual connection between them is still not interrupted. They feel each other at a distance due to the established non-verbal contact.

Such relationships are stable and harmonious. They are based not on the fear of losing a soul mate, but on the courage to live a meaningful life. In such an alliance there is no dilemma: either “I” or “you”. It has "we", "us", "for us".

mutual development

Possessing different qualities, partners must move in the same direction. On every vital issue, they need to find a compromise solution.
It is impossible to achieve this without the development of both partners in life. After all, if only one of them moves forward, the other will become his brake.

It is clear that in this case alienation is inevitable. The distance between the "tug" and the "ballast" will make itself felt at every step. So that relationships do not get bogged down in daily claims, they need to be regularly refreshed and updated with joint development.

According to Friedrich Nietzsche, rare individuals who have the gift not only to love, but also to be friends, are capable of such harmonious unions.

In contact with

The psychology of the relationship between a man and a woman is a complex and multi-level system, which is an interconnected structure. Each of us participates in it. In fact, a serious relationship is possible only when significant personality characteristics are worked out on both sides. All have their own unique characteristics.

Building a relationship with a loved one, we unite them. Everyone contributes something of their own. If one of the partners only gives, and the second only receives, without participating in any way in the process of strengthening interaction, then such a couple will not be able to exist for a long time. For harmonious relations, some kind of equality and equality is necessary. This is the only way happiness is created. Such is the psychology of human relationships.

Gender differences

From childhood, we all get an idea of \u200b\u200bhow one gender differs from the other. Every sane person is able to determine whether he is a man or a woman, with rare exceptions. Correct perception occurs through the analysis of such significant characteristics as gait, look, clothing, style features and manners of keeping oneself in society.

The psychology of human relationships is largely determined by how an individual expresses himself, shows his character. In society, there is an idea of \u200b\u200bwhat kind of woman. Usually the stronger sex is associated with courage and courage, he is credited with the features of masculinity and selflessness. A confident life position, the ability to protect a family in a difficult situation, to take responsibility - this is all about a man. The ideal of a girl is refinement, grace, grace, the ability to be affectionate and soft. The weaker sex welcomes patience, kindness, spiritual sensitivity, responsiveness, dedication to children, adherence to family values.

Psychology of a boy and a girl

How do children interact with each other? Often parents and educators have to observe such a picture: boys offend girls, and they try not to notice these bullies and fighters. It will take a long time before the two opposites become seriously interested in each other and begin to really need to be around. In childhood, as a rule, children tend to make friendships mainly with members of the same sex. At the same time, both boys and girls are subconsciously attracted to each other: they are interested in a little man who is so similar and much different from themselves.

Brother and sister

A boy and a girl can be brought up in the same family. Of course, parents should take into account their psycho-emotional characteristics and take them into account. Boys and girls still need to be brought up differently, and a parent who responsibly approaches his role certainly understands this.

It should be noted that brother and sister are unlikely to compete with each other. They have different inner worlds. Children of different sexes will fight less with each other, but their relationship is likely not to be particularly close. This is due to the fact that everyone has their own interests and aspirations. The psychology of the relationship between a man and a woman as such largely corresponds to this feature. They have different points of view on everything around them, therefore it is often difficult for them to come to a consensus.

friendly relations

Sometimes a boy and a girl can still become friends. This usually happens during adolescence. Such friendship can smoothly turn into a first love and begin a personal romantic relationship. The psychology of the relationship between a man and a woman is largely determined by what they were like in childhood. Character traits, dreams, aspirations - all this is of tremendous importance.

Young people can become great friends if they have common hobbies, aspirations and goals. Guys really appreciate the ability to provide support and patronage in their girlfriends, and girls admire the masculinity and courage of their friends.

Romantic relationship

They should be expected when young people reach the age of sixteen. As they get older, they begin to see in each other not just friends, but a close soul with whom they want to spend a lot of time. Romantic relationships are characteristic of youth, and in fact, this is a wonderful time in life. Never before will young people be so inspired and open to life. At this age, they are not afraid of new beginnings, they are ready to act immediately, to make hasty decisions.

A serious relationship begins when you take responsibility for your own feelings. When love arises, the whole world around them changes. It is very pleasant to look at young people inspired by their own feeling from the outside. They seem to flutter like two light butterflies on the ground, perform feats for the sake of their half. Such lightness and self-giving is peculiar only to youth. Of course, both the guy and the girl may not be ready for serious life tests. Young people think little about the consequences of their actions, for them there is only here and now. Despite their inexperience and naivete, they, like no one else, know how to appreciate today.

Family relationships

This is a completely different facet of interaction that requires emotional maturity. People are able to become spouses only when they cannot imagine their life without each other, they want to give care and jointly achieve their goals. They say that the family is different in that its members look in the same direction, move towards the same goal. Here, manifestations of selfishness, extreme selfishness and the consciousness that one partner must fully meet the expectations of the other are unacceptable. What needs to be taken into account in the first place is the personality of the partner, his psychology.

These are such that each of the spouses has their own ideas about marriage. Having become a married couple, they involuntarily begin to correlate their dreams with reality. Some people have serious conflicts. Happiness is achieved only in equality - this is the main lesson that you have to learn from your own experience.

Relationship between two colleagues

Within one enterprise there is a corporate interaction. The psychology of relationships in a team is such that different people have to adapt to existing norms and rules. A man and a woman act here as allies, comrades, who are connected by one common cause. They can respect each other, but not be friends.

The psychology of the relationship between a man and a woman is a complex topic, which in each case manifests itself in an individual way. Partners can both perfectly understand each other, and become completely distant.

The psychology of relationships is a complex science, which all the fair sex dreams of comprehending in order to finally find out what men want. Let's talk about male psychology: what are the representatives of the stronger sex really looking for in a relationship, and why do they cheat?

Relationships are difficult, even if you are perfect for each other, and your love knows no bounds. It’s just that in a relationship, each person transfers his ideas about the ideal union, family scenarios, and so on. Very rarely, partners have a completely identical view of the world, hence the difficulties. In addition, it is known that representatives of the two sexes are "natives" from different planets, and they expect different things from relationships, as a rule. Let's talk about male psychology, and why husbands cheat.

Psychology of relations between a man and a woman

"What do men want?" - all girls are looking for the answer to this question, because then the psychology of relationships will become an open book. The desires and expectations of the representatives of the stronger sex from an alliance with a lady are different. They differ depending on the age of the man. Male psychology at the age of 20 comes down to finding a partner for sex; young guys are not selective in relation to women. They expect lightness from the girl, the main goal of the union is to have fun together.

At the age of 30, male psychology changes, in love and relationships you want stability. At this age, most young people are ready for marriage. Thirty-year-old men already perceive girls not only as an object of sexual desire, but also as an interlocutor, they try on the role of the mother of their future children as a companion. When looking for a partner, personal qualities come to the fore, and not beauty and sexuality. At this age, a man expects support from his companion in all matters, from career to home improvement. Become his friend and lover at the same time - and your union will be strong.

As a rule, men at the age of 40 have been in relationships for a long time, a crisis occurs at this age, male psychology is changing. Forty-year-old men find it hard to realize that youth is leaving, so many at this age indulge in all serious. This period accounts for the largest number of family changes. If you do not want to lose your husband, then support him, bring novelty into your everyday life, diversify sex. The psychology of relationships knows examples when a man experiences a crisis later - at the age of 50, however, in most cases, by this age, the representatives of the stronger sex want peace, they expect understanding and harmony from their partner.

The psychology of relationships and feelings of a man to a woman is a difficult area to study. There are no universal ways to create a strong union, because each person has his own "troubles", but some tips will help you understand your chosen one. At any age, a man expects understanding, respect and lightness from his companion. He must want to return to you, and this is possible only when he is comfortable. Do not saw a man, do not create problems out of trifles, always look for compromise solutions. Any representative of the stronger sex wants to feel like a breadwinner, a “male”, so let him do it: little female tricks will help put everything in the right light, even if you really decide everything in a couple. Do not forget about the sexual sphere of relations: psychology is psychology, but if there is no fire between a man and a woman, then it is highly likely that the partner will have someone on the side, because sex is very important for men.

Psychology of infidelity men

Men's psychology is different from women's, so it is generally accepted that cheating is a normal phenomenon for the stronger sex, and abnormal for the weak. Many men say that nature, which created them polygamous, is to blame for their inability to be faithful, but this is only an excuse for their misdeeds. The psychology of a married man changes over time, first the representative of the stronger sex seeks stability, and then runs away from it - that's why men have mistresses. Routine, household problems, irregular and monotonous sex with his wife makes a man look away. He wants the former ease of relations, and he is looking for her from his mistress, because there are no obligations with her.

Important! The psychology of a married man in relation to his mistress can be different. Sometimes, confused, the representatives of the stronger sex feel guilty about both their wife and the girl they meet secretly. This is a difficult situation, a way out of which can only be found by the man himself, having understood his feelings.

The reasons for male infidelity often lie in age crises, male psychology is arranged in such a way that it is difficult for the representatives of the stronger sex to survive the fact that youth is leaving, and they are trying by all means to return it. In this case, men, as a rule, find young mistresses to prove to themselves that there is still "gunpowder in the flasks." The psychology of infidelity may lie in the desire to be “like everyone else”: if a man’s friends cheat on their wives and brag about their exploits, then he can also decide to commit adultery. More than anything, the representatives of the stronger sex are afraid of being branded henpecked in front of their comrades.

Attention! Psychology will tell you why a man takes a mistress, but what to do about it is up to you. If you are ready to forgive - forgive, but remember that lurking resentment can further destroy the relationship. Be a mystery to your partner, develop, take care of yourself, do not create problems for yourself and him - and betrayal will bypass your family. If a man changes all the time - do not expect everything to be decided by itself, leave.

The psychology of male infidelity has many facets, in most cases, husbands hope that their wife will forgive the offense, but do men themselves forgive adultery. According to various polls, representatives of the stronger sex are ready to forgive their beloved if she sincerely repents, but honestly admit that they do not know how to forget betrayal. After a betrayal, a man’s former feelings for a woman rarely manage to be preserved, often this leads to the collapse of relationships: male psychology is arranged in such a way that they perceive their wife’s infidelity as their own defeat.