Questionnaire for studying the interaction of parents with children according to I. Markovskaya (vrr). Parent meeting Topic: “Communication between parents and children Feelings of guilt = Misconduct - Punishment

CM. Platonov

Parent alphabet

interaction with the child

Saint Petersburg

annotation

Guilt = Misdemeanor - Punishment

We use punishment to prevent the child from repeating wrong actions, but the real inner force that can prevent him from repeating the offense is guilt and the desire not to do bad things in the future, so as not to be guilty again. In this situation, the child did not commit a misconduct, he is not guilty of anything, that is, we must put “zero” instead of “Misconduct” in this formula. If we subtract from zero, we get a negative value, which means that instead of feeling guilty, there is a feeling of resentment, irritation, protest, and even anger.

Thus, in a difficult situation for the child, we do not punish him in any way, nothing to punish!

Situations with money related to the fact that children absolutely do not understand their value are quite common. Children can take money from home and give it to the guys, because they believe that if they just lie there, then they are not needed. They can take them to play.

Here is another case. A preschool girl often visited her grandmother and played different games with her, including shopping. For the game, she used the money that lay with her grandmother in different places. Once, when she and her dad were walking home from her grandmother, she felt in the pocket of her dress for a paper money, which she forgot to leave with her grandmother. She pulled out a piece of paper and handed it to her father. Dad was very happy and said: “Did you find the money?” Without letting the child insert a word, he continued: “What a clever girl! Getter! And you give it to me? Well done! We will buy something with this money. The next time, when she came to her grandmother, the girl specially put paper money in her pocket. After all, she so wanted to be a breadwinner again, and for dad to praise her again. This was repeated several times. Then my grandmother noticed that the money was missing and told her parents. The girl was the only one to blame. She was scolded for a long time, they said that she had dishonored her parents and forbade her to go to her grandmother for some time. Let's think, what was the girl's fault? In an effort to perform approved actions? If my grandmother had money in different places, why should she have guessed that she needed them? This example was also told to me by a student, and also because she is still offended.

In a situation where the girl saved up money and bought her parents chocolate and flowers as a gift, her parents managed to scold the girl for lying and not saying where she got the money. One boy found a large bill and bought a toy with it. The father took the toy away, returned it to the store, scolded the child, saying that he had stolen the money.

Why are we so reluctant to trust a child? Perhaps this is due to some of the parents' own childhood experiences or their fears of the possible negative development of the child? But often the problems that we want to avoid grow out of our suspicion and distrust, and resentment of children remains for a long time and destroys relationships with parents. Thus, a situation difficult for the child himself can have rather far-reaching consequences. Situations of this type can be very diverse. Here are some more examples.

You bought your child new rubber boots. Sending him for a walk, they gave him an order not to stain his new shoes. The child returns with wet boots. Why did this happen? Going out into the street, the child was filled with joy because of the new thing, all his attention was riveted to the beautiful shiny boots. What can you do with boots? Of course, to test their capabilities, to show other guys what deep puddles he is not afraid of now.

Why do we punish a child? For his joy and emotionality? For the fact that he is still small and does not know how to restrain his desires?

One of the students recalls: “I was seven years old. There was a festive feast in the family. I was very thirsty, but I mixed up the decanters and poured myself not a fruit drink, but a liqueur, since they almost did not differ in color. I drank a large part almost in one gulp. I felt bad and told my parents about it. My parents decided that I had drunk alcohol on purpose, they shouted and poisoned me in my room as a punishment. I was very offended." That is, even if a child turns to us for help and explains what happened, we still tend not to believe him and use punishment.

In the movie "The Thief" it was shown that an honest child, who does not allow the possibility of participating in theft, plays a major role in the robbery, penetrating into someone else's apartment through the window. He became a victim of deception and acted, believing that he was carrying out an important mission for the state to expose a spy.

What should adults do when faced with a child in such a situation? If a child simply did not know something, did not understand, did not know how, it was difficult for him, then, of course, the task of an adult provide the child with the necessary help. Adults need to give the child the necessary explanations, teach him to act correctly, teach him those skills, due to the lack of which he cannot cope with the situation today. We have nothing to scold and punish the child for, nothing to blame him for.

Interestingly, parents who lose their wallet or key are usually upset and sympathetic to themselves. But if a child has lost his wallet, they are often angry with him for absent-mindedness, irresponsibility, inattention, etc.

How to help a child who, for example, constantly loses physical fitness? In ancient Egypt, they said “the ears of a boy are on his back”, believing that if a child is beaten on the back with a stick, he will learn the letters of the alphabet or something else faster and more successfully. In Russian villages, when determining the boundary separating land, the father flogged his son on this boundary so that the son would remember where it was for life. So maybe flogged, and will not forget to change shoes at school?

In fact, memory does not increase the strength of the blows, but the emotions caused by these blows. If we turn to our memories, we will easily find that we have remembered in our life what strong emotions were associated with, and emotions could be both positive and negative. We remember, for example, situations of public success or disgrace, bright joy or surprise. Our brain cannot keep everything that happened to us in an asset, but if we were surprised or scared, then it means that it was important for us, therefore, the brain decides that it needs to be remembered. What exactly will a child who was beaten for lost slippers remember? The color of the wallpaper he stumbled into from the poke he received? Your resentment that slippers for parents are more important and dearer than a child? How will this memory help him not to lose his slippers in the future?

Research of the laboratory of neurophysiology and neuropsychology of the child under the direction of T.P. Khrizman showed that the child's brain is active only when the child perceives the meaning of this or that activity. Meaningful reactions are associated with greater brain activity, and new semantic formations are a function of brain activity, so if we want a child to draw conclusions and acquire new abilities, we need to rely on his understanding, include him in the activity he himself is aware of.

To help the boy not lose, we need to teach him to control the things he has with him, and for this we need to increase his ability to distribute attention. By the way, in boys this ability is genetically lower than in girls. They, like former hunters, have a higher ability to concentrate attention, focus it on one thing, and the woman had to sew, and watch the food on the fire, and look after the child at the same time. Having carried out a system of classes, game exercises to increase the distribution of attention, we must, together with the child, come up with a technique that will help him remember how many things he took to school - the number of threads on his wrist, knots on a scarf, a reminder in a mobile phone, etc.

If you scold and punish, then this will not solve the problem, and the child will have complexes, insecurity. The presence of uncertainty will only make it difficult to perform actions, increasing the inability of the child to successfully cope with situations.

If the child does these actions because he sees no other way to solve his problem (public resentment, jealousy, lack of attention, difficult situation in interaction with other children, etc.), then our task is to help him solve the problem. For example, a child broke glass in the school foyer. The class teacher demanded that the glass be inserted or that money be brought to restore it. The mother of the child is in the hospital, only the grandfather and the child at home know that the family has a problem with money now. He cannot tell his mother or grandfather about the problem that has arisen and finds his way out - skipping school.

How and how to help the child, you can decide together with him. This is how today's student described the difficult situation of her life: “In my life I have changed three schools. At the first school I studied very well and I didn't have any problems. Due to a move, I moved to a different school. The class was ninth, graduation. There were many strong students in the new class, and I faded into the background. The team was not very friendly, the students seemed to constantly compete with each other, rejoiced when someone failed. I didn't have a relationship with anyone. Teachers arranged tests, led a rating system. I started skipping classes, leaving classes, avoiding difficult situations. I was afraid to tell my mother that I didn’t like school, but she began to notice that something was not right with my mood, well-being. She talked to me, I explained everything to her, and we came to a common decision - to change schools. Of course, my successes did not become brilliant at the new school either, as absenteeism and the resulting gaps in knowledge affected me. But the acquisition of new friends, the normal rhythm of life made it possible to successfully study and, most importantly, feel comfortable.”

The reason for the emergence of a difficult situation for the child can be the parents themselves, their relationship. For example, children are very hard going through the quarrels of their parents, their decision to divorce. The child's behavior can change dramatically. I somehow walked along the corridor of the House of Creativity, and saw a crying girl. Naturally, I stopped and tried to see if there was anything I could do to help her. At this time, her grandmother came up and said: “Pay no attention, she cries all the time with us, with or without reason. Such a cry.” It turned out that the girl cries, clinging to the threshold, dropping her briefcase, when called to the board and in other situations. I asked how long this has been going on. It turned out to be about a year old. I asked my grandmother if something happened in their family a year ago. She replied: “Yes, it happened, my parents got divorced.” But the adults themselves do not connect the tearfulness of the daughter and the divorce of the parents. For a child whose parents are divorcing, the world is collapsing, he is very hard going through. But parents at this time themselves are in situations of stress and are focused more on their pain. It didn’t occur to both the parents and the grandmother of this girl that the child was suffering and relieved her inner tension through tears. The cause of the child's tears was a divorce, and a fallen briefcase and other minor problems were only a reason for tears. But in a year, what was a means of relieving internal tension could become part of the child's character. What to do? No matter how much time has passed since the divorce, even if several years, you need to return to the feelings of the child and feel sorry for him, ask for forgiveness for the suffering caused, give him the opportunity to express his grievances, prove that his parents love him and will always love him, help him accept the divorce parents, come to terms with it.

One dad shared his experience of solving such a situation: “At the age of 9, my son began to stay at home very little: he went to friends, to the street in neighboring yards, he had to look for him for a long time. He began to study worse. The reason, as it turned out, was our divorce. The son in this situation was lost, the usual way of life broke down.

The first, most difficult time, I tried to meet with him as often as possible, talked to him on this topic, explained what had happened as best I could, and even repeatedly asked his forgiveness for this. He explained to the child that my mother and I love him, we are very worried about him, that it’s already not easy for us, and that we hope for him that he will not let us down. I told him that he, as a future man, should support his mother. He knew perfectly well that at any time he could turn to me for any help, for advice. As a result, the problem was solved. Although apart, but together, my ex-wife and I managed to raise a good person. Maxim is a good student, respects his parents, enjoys authority in the team. I am very pleased with them."

Why did your son leave home? Because the house became different, everything in the house reminded him of the tragedy. Perhaps he secretly believed that his parents would look for him together and reconcile. As we can see, the correct actions of the father helped to solve the problem.

A frequently encountered difficult situation for a child is the situation of childhood fear. Due to its prevalence, we have prepared for parents a detailed description of the causes of children's fear, the features of interaction with a child who has one of their genetic or acquired fears, and a way to help a child through joint reading and discussion of fairy tales about fears. In order not to destroy the logic of the narrative about difficult situations of interaction with the child, we placed this material in an additional fourth section (4.1).

A situation that is difficult for a child, we can solve with the help of the game. For example, in the movie "Gentlemen of Fortune" the children did not want to eat breakfast. The head of the kindergarten suggested that the children go on a space journey, but in order to go on it, it was necessary to refresh themselves with space spoons from space plates. Here the game has become means
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Title: (presentation for the parent meeting in the group of preschool educational institutions)
Year: 2010
Pages: 25
Format: presentation in ppt format (rar archive)
Size: 5.84 Mb
Good quality

Life is replete with situations in which the child needs to make decisions on his own. How to teach a child to do it right?

The main sign of the situation is that the child could not (could not) do otherwise, he himself suffers.

Situations that are difficult for the child himself:

Situations in which the child did not know what to do, did not suspect that he was doing something bad, or even was sure that he was doing well;
Did something by accident, by accident;
Could not do otherwise, or was forced to do just that.

Necessary actions of an adult

Give the child the necessary explanations
To teach the child to act correctly, to teach those skills, due to the lack of which he cannot cope with the situation today
If a child performs these actions because he sees no other way to solve his problem, then you need to help him solve the problem.

The content of the presentation " The ABC of interaction between parents and a child«.

situational approach
Difficult situations for the child
The main symptom of the situation:
Necessary actions of an adult:
Situations in the game
Boundary Checking Situations
Adult Verification Situations
emotional outburst situations
Ethical defense techniques
Situations of pedagogical conflict
Misdemeanor situations
The main motives for committing misconduct
Method of Natural Consequences
Types of situations of interaction with a child

Screenshot of the presentation "The ABC of interaction between parents and a child":

Description of goals and objectives:
Target: creation of space for successful interaction between parents and children in order to form parental competencies, harmonization of parent-child relations in the family and prevention of family troubles.
Tasks:
1. To acquaint parents with the main psychological and pedagogical features of the development of children of primary school age;
2. Expand the knowledge of parents about the psychology of family relationships;
3. To promote the establishment and development of relations of cooperation and partnership between the parent and the child.
4. To develop the communicative competence of parents when communicating with a child.
5. Contribute to the change of intra-family stereotypes in the process of interaction between parents and children.
6. Develop the ability to reflective behavior in the process of communicating with children.
7. Teach parents constructive ways to resolve conflict situations when interacting with children.
8. Improve the psychological and pedagogical culture of parents.
Methods:
1. Analysis of the literature on the topic.
2. Organizational:
a) comparative
b) complex.
3. Observations, collection and analysis of data, psychological and pedagogical.
Description and justification of the project.
Formulation of the problem.
The family plays the main role in shaping the moral principles and life principles of the child. The family creates or destroys personality, it is in the power of the family to strengthen or undermine the mental health of its members. The family encourages some personal inclinations, while preventing others, satisfies or suppresses personal needs. The family structures the possibilities for achieving security, pleasure and fulfillment. It indicates the boundaries of identification, contributes to the appearance of the image of the person's "I".
It depends on how relationships are built in the family, what values and interests are put forward by its senior representatives to the fore, what children will grow up to be.
The climate of the family affects the moral climate and the health of the whole society. The child is very sensitive to the behavior of adults and quickly learns the lessons learned in the process of family education. It is almost impossible to re-educate a child from a problem family. The child has learned certain rules, and society will pay for such gaps in education. Raising children is a problem that will not cease to be relevant as long as humanity exists. Times and approaches in education are changing, new theories are emerging. But for some reason, the problems in each particular family do not become less.
The family prepares the child for life, is his first and deepest source of social ideals, and lays the foundations for civic behavior. The Federal State Educational Standard of the second generation is also focused on the formation and development of the personality of the graduate, however, it is worth remembering that the school should only help to achieve maximum personal development. Deep contacts with parents create in children a stable state of life, a sense of confidence and reliability. And parents bring a joyful feeling of satisfaction.
The problem of relations between parents and children is complex and paradoxical. Its complexity lies in the hidden, intimate nature of human relations, the scrupulousness of "external" penetration into them. And the paradox is that, for all its importance, parents usually do not notice it, because they do not have the necessary psychological and pedagogical information for this.
Parents, as a rule, do not see either the process of development of relations between them and their children, or their sequence and logic, and begin to sound the alarm only after an alarming conflict situation arises. And the conflict in the relationship between parents and children rarely arises accidentally and suddenly.
In healthy families, parents and children are connected by natural everyday contacts. This is such a close communication between them, as a result of which spiritual unity arises, the consistency of the main life aspirations and actions. The natural basis of such relationships is family ties, feelings of motherhood and fatherhood, which are manifested in parental love and caring affection of children and parents.
Unfortunately, the accelerated pace of modern life, its urbanization, along with the ever-increasing responsibility and rigidity of social role prescriptions, unfavorable trends in the socio-psychological dynamics of family development, the lack of moral and ethical principles in adult relationships, and the low socio-psychological culture of communication lead to violations of relations. between parents and children. The one-sided dominance of the mother leads to a decrease in the role of the father in the family, and he is not able to timely resolve the personal problems of the development of his children.
The problem of child-parent relations is determined by the whole variety of relationships between children and parents, those violations in child-parent relations that can have a significant impact on the psychological well-being of the child in the family and his further development. A. E. Lichko, studying the problems of intra-family relations, identified unfavorable situations in the family (hyper-custody, neglect, a situation that creates an “idol in the family”, a situation that creates “Cinderellas” in the family). In general, we can say that the problems of parent-child relationships are studied by many scientists who cover this issue from different aspects.
All of the above negatively affects the upbringing of children and the formation of their personality, on the basis of this, the creation of the ABC of Family Communication club, aimed at harmonizing child-parent relationships, is relevant, this also confirms the location of MBOU secondary school No. 187, which is located inside the residential area and is its sociocultural center.
Description of the project.
The organizer of the project is a teacher - psychologist Maltseva A.A.
To implement the project, at the initial stage, a pilot experiment is carried out, which is necessary to identify parents and children with low communicative competence, problematic family relationships and the family situation in general, it is worth noting that it is carried out with the consent of the participants and on a voluntary basis.
Based on the data obtained with the help of a bank of psychodiagnostic methods, we single out a “risk group”, whose members are subsequently recommended to join the club, as well as those families in which children are registered within the school, families in a difficult life situation.
Project strategies:
1. Voluntary participation of parents and children in the project, confidentiality of information about participants;
2. use of various forms of meetings with project participants;
3. Expansion of the scope of the project according to the "snowball" type.
Forms of work of the parent club "ABC of family communication"
1. round table
2. conversation
3. psychological living room
4. discussions;
5. trainings
6. business games
Expected Result:
Parents:
1. An interested attitude of parents to the life of the group and the school as a whole;
2. Development of partnerships with the child;
3. Constructive ways of communicating with the child.
Children:
1. Improving communicative competence;
2. Improving the indicators of speech development of children;
3. The emergence of the ability to correctly assess the situation, calmly perceive the requirements of an adult and adequately respond to them;
4. The presence of a positive emotionally colored attitude to group interaction.
Teacher:
1. Increasing professional competence;
Form of work - group. The number of participants in groups is 10-15 people, the possibility of forming up to 10 full-fledged groups.
Possible risks in project implementation:
Coverage of a small number of parents in the implementation of the project, due to their low activity and interest.
Evaluation of the effectiveness of the project: the effectiveness of the project can be assessed quantitatively - data from psychological diagnostics and qualitatively - on the basis of a questionnaire, parents' feedback.

The Parents' Club is a necessary social platform on the way to solving the problems of family education, strengthening parent-child relationships. The participation of family members in the activities of the ABC of Family Communication club contributes to the desire and ability to communicate beyond their own stereotypes, to seek and find ways out of difficult situations.
Parent counseling is based on the following principles:
- creating trusting relationships;
- mutual respect;
- interests of consultants;
- competencies;
- the formation of the attitude of parents to an independent solution of the problem.
Bibliography:
Druzhinin V.N. Family psychology. M., 1996. 160s.;
Golod S.I. Family and marriage: historical and sociological analysis. / S.I. Hunger - St. Petersburg: Speech, 2002 .;
Rumyantseva T.V. Psychological counseling: diagnosis of relationships in a couple. Textbook / T.V. Rumyantseva - St. Petersburg: Speech, 2006.

Your child's world...! "#$ Teaching aid for parents and teachers Rostov-on-Don Enix 2010 www.phoenixbooks.ru UDC 37.0 LBC 74.90 KTK 480 P37 Platonova S.M. P37 Parental ABC of interaction with a child: a teaching aid for parents and - Dagogovs / S.M. Platonova - Rostov n/D: Phoenix, 2010. - 220, p. - (The world of your child) ISBN 978-5-222-17470-8 solutions to complex situations of interaction with the child.It offers readers a description of the diverse life experience of interaction between children and parents, presented through the selection of types of situations and the rationale for the necessary actions of an adult.The book is addressed to beginners and experienced parents and teachers who conduct educational work with children. UDC 37.0 ISBN 978-5-222-17470-8 LBC 74.90 S.M. Platonova, 2010 Design: Phoenix Books, 2010 www.phoenixbooks.ru 3 Appeal to parents The book is dedicated to my parents, Mikhail Dmitrievich Platonov and Ekaterina Alekseevna % Dear parents! The purpose of this book is to help you be your child's educators. Children often put us in a dead end, that is, they create situations in which we do not know how best to answer their question, react to their words or actions. For example, a three-year-old girl was playing with dolls in her room. And suddenly, screaming and crying, he runs to his mother in the kitchen, repeating: “Where is dad, where is dad?”. Dad is at work, the girl knows it. What to do? Mom puts her hand in her pocket, pretends to pull something out of her pocket, opens her hand and holds it out to the girl with the words: “Here is dad.” The girl, satisfied and happy, takes "daddy" from the palm of her hand and runs away. How did mom figure out that she could do that? Why did the child need a toy invisible dad? How can we learn to choose simple and effective ways to respond to children's actions? We will try to think together with you and find some rules for choosing an action, although, of course, they can only supplement parental intuition, faith in a good beginning in a child, and parental creativity. In this book we will learn to understand the child, his condition, intentions, interests, desires. The subject of the conversation will be the situation of parents' interaction with www.phoenixbooks.ru 4 Parental ABCs of interaction with a child, and the goal is the ability to turn it into a positive, developing experience for the child. We have called the book “Parental ABCs of Interaction with a Child” because we are trying to highlight some of the basics of interaction, the knowledge of which will help us in choosing an action. The "letters" of the ABC of parental interaction will be the types of situations, of which we will consider seven in this book. The book consists of four parts: theoretical, illustrative, practical and additional. In the first part, we introduce you to the logic of determining the type of situation and the rationale for choosing the mode of action for an adult. In the second part, we illustrate each type of situation with examples, supplementing them with a commentary on the choice of specific actions of an adult. In the third part, we offer you ready-made situations of various types for an independent solution. You can correlate your decision with the option we offer. The examples given in all sections are taken from life, therefore, by getting acquainted with them, you can significantly expand your understanding of the complexities and ways of raising children. In the last, additional part, we present one of the ways to help the child based on a joint discussion of fairy tales. Thus, we equip parents with a very simple and understandable, known to our ancestors, effective technology for raising children, which can be useful in solving situations of various types. So, let's start - get acquainted with the theoretical justification for choosing the method of action of parents. www.phoenixbooks.ru 5 Part 1. Theoretical 1% Human life can be viewed as a chain of situations. A situation is a minimal element of our existence, which has its own integrity and originality. In the Explanatory Dictionary of the Russian Language S.I. Ozhegova and N.Yu. The Swedish situation is defined as a set of circumstances, position, environment. Today, in various humanities, the so-called situational approach is developing, which seeks to teach people to make the right decision in various situations. For example, the situational ethics of A. Flesher focuses on the fact that there are no objective, uniform ethical norms for all occasions, and what is good in one situation will turn out to be the opposite in another. For example, the prohibition of abortion is a significant moral norm of our time, but this prohibition will be inhumane if we are talking about a mentally ill girl who became pregnant from the same patient in a psychiatric clinic. In a number of modern universities oriented towards a situational approach, the learning process is primarily a system of problem situations offered to students for solution. According to supporters of such training, it is the best way to prepare for practice, in which specialists need to make competent decisions in traditional and unusual situations. www.phoenixbooks.ru 6 Parental ABCs of interaction with a child Here we will make the situation the subject of consideration. The focus of our attention, of course, is the situation of interaction between an adult and a child. The subject of our consideration will be such situations in which, for some reason, we do not like the actions of the child, cause anxiety, tension, etc., i.e., difficult situations of interaction between the child and the adult. In order to learn how to choose the right actions in a given situation, we first need to understand what the child feels, wants, understands inside this situation, why he behaves the way he does. Based on the experiences and motives of the child's actions, we will single out seven types of situations of interaction between the child and the adult, which we will consider in this section. Our task is to learn to determine the type of situation, since our actions should depend on the type of situation. Therefore, in the theoretical part, the task of readers is to get acquainted with the types of situations, learn to distinguish them, understand how and why adults should behave in situations of each type. To help you succeed in solving this problem, for each of the seven types of situations, we will try to: define the situation, name its signs; give examples of situations of this type from life; describe the features of such a situation; describe the causes of the child's behavior, the motives of his actions; describe and justify the correct model of adult behavior. www.phoenixbooks.ru 7 Part 1. Theoretical 1.1. &", "&(!) "#$ These are situations in which the child did not know what to do, did not suspect that he was doing something bad, or was even sure that he was doing something good; did something unintentionally, accidentally tea; could not do otherwise or was forced to do just that. The main sign of situations: the child could not (could not) do otherwise, he himself suffers. Consider an example of a situation of this type. On Sunday, a girl of 8 years old with her friend was going to walk. Usually dad was at home, who gave her money with him for ice cream, sweets. But today he was not there, he went on business. Dad's jacket hung on a hanger. Dad always took out money from the pocket of this jacket. The girl decided take on her father's mission, since he himself cannot fulfill it. She was one hundred percent sure that dad would give her money, just now he is gone. Without hesitation, she took the money from her pocket and went for a walk. The girl returned home to in a good mood, but she saw an angry father who met her at the threshold with a harsh cry: “Thief! ". Then she heard that her father was disappointed in her, that he could no longer respect her, that she would be punished and would not go out for a walk for two weeks, etc. Nobody asked the girl anything, she did not have time to put in a word, and very soon she could no longer speak because of the resentment that choked her. Today she is an adult, but she remembers the situation, and the pain of resentment has not yet gone to the end. They did not talk about this situation with dad later. Let's think about what the girl's fault was. She did not even think that she was stealing or taking without asking. She was sure that it was her money and she took it. These examples were taken from life and described in the works of students of the full-time and part-time departments of the Faculty of Psychology of the Leningrad State University named after A.S. Pushkin or the faculties of psychology and geography of the Russian State Pedagogical University named after A.I. Herzen. LGU them. A.S. Pushkin has branches in the Leningrad region, Perm, Sverdlovsk, Kamensk-Uralsky, Sverdlovsk region, Chukotka, so the heroes of the stories described live in different regions of the Russian Federation. Text taken from students' work is enclosed in quotation marks. 2.1. &"!, "&! ! "#$ 2.1.1. "Nadya always ate poorly, complained of a lack of appetite. Her parents could not solve the problem of how to feed the child. porridge" for breakfast, then a "magic lunch" www.phoenixbooks.ru 61 Part 2. Illustrating for the whole family and in the evening - "royal dinner". This game helped to arouse Nadia's interest in food and the process of preparing it. It is interesting that when Nadia grew up, she chose the profession of a cook and is now the chef of one of the prestigious restaurants.” 2.1.2 “My son was in grade 7. In the summer the whole family went on vacation for 6 months, and it turned out he had to start studying at a city school with new children for him. The students of the class did not communicate with him, since he was a “stranger” for them. I felt sorry for the child. Solution: I decided to help him. I began to collect jokes for him from magazines, we read jokes and he tried to remember them.The son began to tell jokes to the guys at breaks. There was a stunning result, everyone became interested in him, wanted to be with him.” 2.1.3. “The daughter broke the crystal vase. Since the vase was not needed, this was not known for a long time. When it became necessary to put flowers, I began to look for a vase. I found it in the form of fragments neatly packed in a box. My daughter was not at home, I put the flowers in another vase, and a box with fragments next to the trash can. The daughter returned from school and saw the box. Tears began to well up in her eyes. Solution: I quickly hugged her and said that I want to go to the store now and invite her to take a walk with me. She still looked scared. I explained that I did not really like the old vase, and I had long dreamed of buying a new one, what can be done now. We went to the store and bought another beautiful vase. We chose her together, and during our conversations, I tried to explain to her that it was not necessary to be afraid to talk about such situations, that we would always find a way out together. Now my daughter always tells me immediately about what happened.” Each of us has broken a lot of glass objects in his life, they break very easily. It is not for nothing that a saying was invented as a consolation to us: “Dishes beat fortunately!”. Why are children so afraid to confess? Most often because, when they see a broken thing, adults are upset and immediately splash out the negative emotions that have arisen on the child. The outburst is so strong that the child, instead of his own grief because of the damaged thing, begins to feel resentment when he sees that the thing is much more valuable to parents than the child himself. 2.1.4. “This situation happened in the summer when I was vacationing with my grandparents in the village. I was then 9 years old. One evening they briefly went to visit a neighbor and I was left at home alone. I sat by the window and watched the neighbor boys playing ball. Suddenly, a fly burst into my world, which began to fly in front of my nose, beat against the glass, annoying me. When the fly finally landed, I swung and hit it. The blow was so strong that the glass, on which the fly was, fell out and broke. I was so afraid of my grandparents' anger over the broken glass that I ran away and hid in the greenhouse. I don’t remember exactly how long I sat there, but when it got dark, I began to freeze and decided to sneak into the house unnoticed. My grandmother was waiting for me at the door. Seeing her, I immediately burst into tears and began to babble incoherently about glass. I expected a scream, but my grandmother began to hug me, kiss and laugh. It turns out that when they returned home, and seeing that the glass was broken and the granddaughter was missing, my grandparents decided that I had been kidnapped. They called their parents in the city and they rushed to the village. Seeing me, my grandmother was www.phoenixbooks.ru 87 Part 3. Practical (task book with solutions) 3% () Dear parents! In this part of the book, we offer a description of the situations stopped at the moment of decision-making by adults. At this moment, the adult should think and determine what to say to the child, what to do. This section has been prepared to train your ability to think, analyze the situation of communication with the child, and make decisions. The hardest part for you in this section is to keep yourself from looking back. Probably, such a habit has been living in us since school days, and it is really not easy to hold on. But if you can’t force yourself to think for yourself, then you won’t get any training. I wish you victory over yourself! 3.1. -$ 3.1.1. , 1.1. “The situation is related to my younger brother Kolya, when he was 5 years old. He liked one girl. March 8 was approaching, he wanted to give her a gift and decided to give money. Kolya knew where the money was, and took one money, hoping that if only one was gone, his parents would not notice. The loss was discovered immediately, www.phoenixbooks.ru 88 Parental ABCs of Interaction with a Child The parents began to search and found the money under his pillow.” 1.2. “A boy, 6 years old, decided to prepare a pleasant surprise for the arrival of his parents from work - to cook soup. He did everything, as he had seen before, when adults were preparing the soup - he put all sorts of things there. And in the end, to make it tasty, I did not regret the granulated sugar. 1.3. “When I was 5 years old, my father left us. A year later, my mother decided to remarry. A “stranger uncle” appeared in the house, but no one explained to me who he was and what I should call him. I couldn’t say “dad” to someone else’s uncle, so I didn’t call him in any way, I tried not to address him directly, choosing phrases without appeals (“Mom calls for food”). They considered me an uneducated child, a “beech”, they were offended that I did not name my stepfather in any way. 1.4. “First love is a wonderful feeling! I turned 14 and my parents gave me a gold chain and earrings. At that time, I really liked my older brother's friend, who often came to visit us. To my regret, I was just a child for him. After some time, he went to the army, and I gave him this very chain as a keepsake. Time passed, my mother noticed the loss. Questions began, at first I denied it, and then I told everything. 3.1.2. , 2.1. “Children at the dacha were playing buzz-box. It's time for lunch. In the midst of the game, the children were called to the table. The driver at that time was the seven-year-old Lesha. The child ran into the dining room and continued to buzz. He knew it was time for dinner, but he didn't want to be the last one and didn't want to stop the game because of him. Then Lyosha "stained" Petya, who was standing next to him, and there was nothing left for him but to buzz softly and touch the other. So the chain went on - no one wanted to be last." 2.2. “The brother and sister played hunters and in the process they ripped open two soft toys, imitating the process of hunting animals.” 2.3. “A group of children are playing Indians. They are armed with homemade bows and arrows. A man walks towards them. Children decide that this is their enemy a cowboy and shoot him with bows. 2.4. “My daughter, 5 years old, loves to play with dolls. Within a week, I began to notice that my dishes were disappearing from the kitchen, as well as food from their refrigerator (yogurt, eggs). As it turned out, the husband did not take anything. I went to my daughter’s room and saw an entire kitchen in the closet: there were yogurt, eggs, cereals in the plates.” 2.5. "Summer. A beautiful sunny day. Girls play with dolls in "daughters-mothers". Each has its own “daughter”, dressed in a dress that was sewn by “mommy”. And suddenly the girl Tanya comes and shows us all what coat she sewed for the doll. We all became jealous, as the coat was made of beautiful fabric and even trimmed with pieces of fur. And then my friend Vera called me to her home. She left me and went into another room. After a while, he comes in and holds in his hands a piece of the most beautiful fabric - brocade, of pale blue color. She shared the fabric with me, and we started sewing outfits for our dolls. When the outfits were ready, we went to "surprise" our girlfriends. Enthusiasm and joy knew no bounds. Having played enough, we asked my youngest - www.phoenixbooks.ru 127 Part 4. Complementary 4 /*+ 4.1. $ 0-6 "#$& 0"6 "7 4.1.1. "In the black-black forest there is a black-black house where a black-black woman lives..." - this is how one of the many horror stories begins "Six-year-old children, listening to her, freeze with fear, teenagers - impatiently waiting for an unexpected denouement, and adults - remember the vivid feelings of childhood. Anxiety, fears permeate the life of a preschooler and cause a response alarm in the hearts of parents. How to help children avoid unnecessary fears How to deal with the fact that your child is afraid of a carpet hanging on the wall How to talk to children about things that scare them? Should I tell my child that being afraid is embarrassing? These and other questions arise in caring parents. We have prepared a short text, after reading which parents will be able to answer these and other questions for themselves, to help their child grow up cautious and courageous. What do you need to know about fear? Fear is the legacy of our nature, the oldest defensive response of all living beings to danger or its possibility. www.phoenixbooks.ru 128 Parental ABCs of interaction with a child The goal of fear: salvation. Fear serves to warn a person about impending danger, allows you to focus on its source, look for ways to avoid danger. Reason: survival instinct, the desire to avoid trouble, pain, death (unknown, shame, loneliness, etc.). Types of fear: by source: non-objective, general (I'm afraid in general, I'm afraid of everything) and objective (I'm afraid of something specific); by the strength of emotional experiences: apprehension, fear, anxiety, fright, fear, horror, panic, affect; according to the changes caused in the body: mobilizing (activating, when, for example, running away from a dog, a person can jump over an obstacle that is insurmountable under normal conditions) and relaxing (causing stupor, blocking actions). According to psychologists, the type of fear that a child will experience depends both on genetic factors and on the style of upbringing in childhood. Manifestations of fear: physiological signs: rapid heartbeat, reddening of the bone, influx of strength, lump in the throat, weakness in the legs, spasm of muscles, blood vessels, bronchi, palpitations, sweat, trembling, dizziness, involuntary relaxation, muscle paralysis; behavioral signs: the child bites his nails, sways, drums his fingers on the table, pulls his hair, etc. Conclusion: fear and the ability to be afraid are good. Too much fear is dangerous. For example, 80% of drowning people die because of fear, which does not allow them to relax and lie on their backs. www.phoenixbooks.ru 129 Part 4. Complementary Features of the child's fears. A child under two years of age often does not know fear. Then this innate program turns on and turns on very powerfully, totally. At two years old, children, for example, are afraid of visiting a doctor. From the age of three, the number of specific fears decreases, symbolic fears appear: darkness, heights, loneliness. The child learns that there is death and is afraid of losing his parents. The child does not talk about his fears, about the terrible dreams he has seen, since speaking, according to his feeling, can revive these fears. For example, a child sees a dragon in the contours of a carpet hanging over the bed and is afraid of it, but if you tell your mother about this and ask to remove the carpet, the dragon will be offended and take revenge. Therefore, the child is silent, and every day strokes the dragon, says kind words to him in order to propitiate him. More intellectually developed children have more fears. Parents' dissatisfaction with work, housing, and life increases children's anxiety and fears. At the age of 6–7, the fear of one's own death becomes the leading one. From 7 to 11 years old, the child is most afraid of “being wrong”, doing something wrong, not meeting generally accepted norms and requirements. The presence of fears in a child is the norm, but if there are a lot of fears, then we should talk about the presence of anxiety in the character of the child. Anxiety in preschoolers is not a stable psychological trait, i.e., it can be eliminated. A child who is not compelled not to be afraid is usually able to eliminate his fear himself. Older preschoolers, younger schoolchildren begin to tell each other horror stories that perform very important functions: to bring out those who live inside www.phoenixbooks.ru 217 Part 4. Complementary Abramenkova V. What do our children play? Toy and Anti-toy. - M.: Yauza, Eksmo, Lepta book, 2006. Andersen H.K. Fairy tales. - L.: Fiction, 1981. Arefieva T.A. Children and money. - St. Petersburg: Speech, 2006. Barkan A.I. His Majesty is a child, as he is. Secrets and riddles. - M.: Century, 1996. Barkan A. Bad habits of good children. - M.: AST - Astrel, 2009. Belkin A.S. What is a situation of success and how to create it. - M.: Enlightenment, 1991. Grimm Ya., Grimm V. Fairy tales. - Minsk: Belarus, 1983. Zhuravlev V.I. Fundamentals of pedagogical conflictology. - M.: Ros. ped. agency, 1995. Korchak Ya. How to love a child. - Yekaterinburg: U-Factoria, 2008. Levy V.L. Irregular child. - M.: Pedagogy, 1983. Levi V.I. Taming fear. - M.: Metaphor, 2002. Folk Russian fairy tales by A.N. Afanasiev: in 3 volumes / The publication was prepared by L.A. Barag and N.V. Novikov. - M.: Nauka, 1984. Natanzon E.Sh. Psychological analysis of the student's actions and methods of pedagogical influence. - M.: Enlightenment, 1986. Rodari J. Tales. Poetry. - L.: Lenizdat, 1980. www.phoenixbooks.ru 218 Parental alphabet of interaction with a child Russian folk riddles, proverbs, sayings / comp. SOUTH. Kruglov. - M.: Education, 1990. Rybakova M.M. Conflict and interaction in the pedagogical process. - M.: Enlightenment, 1991. Sukhomlinsky V. A. Reader on ethics. - M.: Pedagogy, 1990. Shchurkova N.E. Workshop on pedagogical technology. - M.: Pedagogical Society of Russia, 1998. Shchurkova N.E., Pityukov V.Yu., Savchenko A.P. and others. New technologies of the educational process. - M., 1993. www.phoenixbooks.ru 219 Contents 8/ To readers.................................. .........................................3 Part 1. Theoretical.... ................................................. .5 1.1. Situations that are difficult for the child himself............................7 1.2. Situations that have arisen in the game .........................................16 1.3. Boundary Check Situations..............................................23 1.4. Adult Verification Situations...............................................28 1.5. Emotional Outburst Situations..............................31 1.6. Situations of pedagogical conflict.......................36 1.7. Misdemeanor situations .................................................. ...43 Part 2. Illustrative ............................................... ......60 2.1. Difficult situation for the child...................................................60 2.2. The situation that arose in the game.............................................67 2.3. Boundary Check Situation .........................................71 2.4. Adult Verification Situation ..................................75 2.5. Situation of an emotional outburst .............................. 78 2.6. Situation of pedagogical conflict............................79 2.7. Misdemeanor situation .................................................. ...81 Part 3. Practical (problem book with solutions) ...............87 3.1. Taskmaster ................................................. ....................87 3.1.1. Difficult situation for the child.......................................87 3.1.2. The situation that arose in the game .............................. 88 3.1.3. Boundary Check Situation...................................90 3.1.4. Adult Verification Situation ..................................91 3.1.5. Situation of an emotional outburst .............................. 92 3.1.6. Situation of the pedagogical conflict............93 3.1.7. Misdemeanor situation ..........................................94 www.phoenixbooks.ru 219 Table of Contents 8/ Readers.................................................................. ...............................3 Part 1. Theoretical .............................. ...............................................5 1.1. Situations that are difficult for the child himself............................7 1.2. Situations that have arisen in the game .........................................16 1.3. Boundary Checking Situations .................................. .........................23 1.4. Adult Verification Situations...............................................28 1.5. Emotional Outburst Situations..............................31 1.6. Situations of pedagogical conflict............................36 1.7. Misdemeanor situations .................................................. ...43 Part 2. Illustrative ............................................... ......60 2.1. Difficult situation for the child...................................................60 2.2. The situation that arose in the game.............................................67 2.3. Boundary Check Situation .........................................71 2.4. Adult Verification Situation ..................................75 2.5. Situation of an emotional outburst .............................. 78 2.6. Situation of pedagogical conflict............................79 2.7. Misdemeanor situation .................................................. ...81 Part 3. Practical (problem book with solutions) ...............87 3.1. Taskmaster ................................................. ....................87 3.1.1. Difficult situation for the child.......................................87 3.1.2. The situation that arose in the game .............................. 88 3.1.3. Boundary Check Situation...................................90 3.1.4. Adult Verification Situation ..................................91 3.1.5. Situation of an emotional outburst .............................. 92 3.1.6. Situation of the pedagogical conflict............93 3.1.7. Misdemeanor situation ..........................................94 www.phoenixbooks.ru 220 Parental alphabet of interaction with the child 3.2. Solutions................................................. .........................95 3.2.1. Difficult situation for the child...................................95 3.2.2. The situation that arose in the game .............................. 96 3.2.3. Boundary Check Situation...................................98 3.2.4. Adult Verification Situation ..................................99 3.2.5. Situation of an emotional outburst .............................. 101 3.2.6. Situation of pedagogical conflict..........102 3.2.7. Misdemeanor situation .............................................. 104 3.3. How to determine the type of situation (on the example of a child's lie) .............................................. 106 3.3.1. Children's lies .............................................................. ...107 3.3.2. What you need to know about lying...............................................108 3.3.3. Peculiarities of children's lies...............................................109 3.4. Summing up .............................................................. ........................121 Part 4. Complementary .................................. .................127 4.1. How to Help Your Child Overcome Fear .................................127 4.1.1. Parents about children's fears .........................................127 4.1.2. Ways to solve the set tasks ............................... 132 4.1.3. Thoughts to think about, including with your child.................................................133 4.1.4. Reading with a child and discussing fairy tales about fear ......................134 Russian fairy tales .................. ...............................................135 The cat and the fox.. ................................................. ............135 Frightened bear and wolves.................................. .138 The sworn prince.............................................. ......141 Khanty fairy tale "Ide" .............................. .........144 Tales of the Brothers Grimm............................ ...............145 Brave tailor.................................. ..................145 The tale of the one who went to fear to learn ..................155 Tales of Gianni Rodari .. ...................................................168 Country where there is nothing sharp...............................168 www.phoenixbooks.com 221 Contents Elevator to the stars... ................................................. ....170 The Kingdom Without Fear....................................... ..174 The Boy Who Was Afraid of Everything.......................176 Fairy Tales and Stories by V.A. Sukhomlinsky........................177 Wolf teeth...................... ...............................................177 Summer thunderstorm........ ................................................. ...178 I asked my grandmother... ........................................ ......179 I'm not afraid of either thunder or lightning.............180 How Nina wasn't afraid of the gander. ..............................181 How Kolya Became Brave............. ...............................182 The timid boy.............. ...............................183 4.2. How to Help Your Child Be Truthful.......................184 Thoughts to Consider.................................. ..184 Reading tales about lies .............................................. ......186 French folk tale “The bird that spoke the truth” .............................187 I.A. Karpov. Liar (fable) ............................................... 193 L.N. Tolstoy. Liar................................................. .........194 V.A. Sukhomlinsky. Even the flowers turned red............195 V.A. Sukhomlinsky. How Natasha bought a sly trick from Lisa ......................196 V.A. Sukhomlinsky. White Feather..................................197 A.H. Andersen. The True Truth..............................199 T. Janson. Scary story .................................................. 202 L.N. Tolstoy. How Uncle Stepan told about what happened to him in the forest ..........212 O. Tumanyan. Liar................................................. ...........213 L.N. Tolstoy. Hedgehog and hare ............................................... ...215 Literature............................................... ..........................217 www.phoenixbooks.ru Series “Your Child's World” 7 ! "#$ - Managing editor S. Ostashov Technical editor L. Bagryantseva Cover A. Vartanov Proofreaders O. Milovanova, M. Lepekhina Put into typesetting on 05.05.2010. Signed for printing on 07.26.2010. Format 84 108 1/32. Paper type No. 2. Typeface Newton C. Offset printing Conventional printed sheets 11.76 Circulation 2500 copies Order No. Feniks LLC 344082, Rostov-on-Don, Khalturinsky pereulok, 80. Printed from ready-made transparencies at CJSC "Book" 344019, Rostov-on-Don, Sovetskaya st., 57. www.phoenixbooks.ru

Parent alphabet

interaction with the child

Saint Petersburg

Appeal to parents

Part 1. Theoretical.

1.1 Situations that are difficult for the child himself.

1.2 Situations that have arisen in the game.

1.3 Boundary checking situations.

1.4 Adult verification situations.

1.5 Situations of emotional outburst.

1.6 Situations of pedagogical conflict.

1.7 Situations of misconduct.

Part 2. Illustrative.

2.1 Situations that are difficult for the child himself.

2.2 Situations that have arisen in the game.

2.3 Boundary checking situations.

2.4 Adult verification situations.

2.5 Situations of emotional outburst.

2.6 Situations of pedagogical conflict.

2.7 Situations of misconduct.

Part 3. Problem book with solutions.

3.1 Tasks.

3.2 Decisions.

3.3 How to determine the type of situation (on the example of children's lies).

Instead of a conclusion

Appeal to parents

Dear Parents. The purpose of this book is to help you be your child's educators. Children often put us in a dead end, that is, they create situations in which we do not know how best to answer their question, react to their words or actions. For example, a three-year-old girl was playing with dolls in her room. And suddenly, screaming and crying, he runs to his mother in the kitchen, repeating: “Where is dad, where is dad?” Dad is at work, the girl knows it. What to do? Mom puts her hand in her pocket, pretends to pull something out of her pocket, opens her hand and holds it out to the girl with the words: "Here's dad." The girl, satisfied and happy, takes "daddy" from the palm of her hand and runs away. How did mom figure out that she could do that? Why did the child need a toy invisible dad? How can we learn to choose simple and effective ways to respond to children's actions?

We will try to think together with you and find some rules for choosing an action, although, of course, they cannot completely replace parental intuition, faith in a good beginning in a child, and parental creativity. In this book, we will learn to understand the child, his condition, intentions, interests, desires. The subject of the conversation will be the situation of interaction between parents and the child, and the goal is the ability to turn it into a positive experience that develops the child.

We called the book "Parental ABCs of Interaction with a Child", as we strive to highlight some of the basics in interaction, the knowledge of which will help us in choosing an action. The letters of the ABC of parental interaction will be the types of situations, of which we will consider seven in this book.

The book consists of three parts: theoretical, illustrative and practical. In the first part, we introduce you to the logic of determining the type of situation and the rationale for choosing the mode of action for an adult. In the second part, we illustrate each type of situation with examples and show the reasoning for choosing specific actions for an adult. In the third part, we offer you ready-made situations of various types for an independent decision. You can correlate your decision with the option we offer. All the examples given are taken from their lives, therefore, by getting acquainted with them, you can significantly expand your understanding of the complexities and ways of raising children.