Guy and girl: sincere friendship or secret love? Can a guy and a girl just be friends?

Why is a guy and a girl friends with each other, and is it not love between them, perhaps even hidden in the depths of the soul, ready to flare up and bloom at any moment? In this topic, we will tell you why and for what reasons a guy and a girl are friends with each other. We recommend that you read

REASONS FOR FRIENDSHIP OF A GIRL AND A GUY

REASON FOR FRIENDSHIP #1

Friendship between a guy and a girl can arise against the background of brotherly and sisterly relations, when for some reason a girl and a guy cannot be together, for example, due to genetic disposition, i.e. are relatives both close and distant, but spend a lot of time together and share confidential information with each other, in some cases a guy can act as an intercessor and assistant to a girl. As a rule, with a long communication of brothers and sisters, there is a great trust in each other, which leads to the emergence of friendship.

REASON FOR FRIENDSHIP #2

The reason why a guy and a girl are friends with each other may be in their interests. So friendship can occur against the background of joint interests, for example, when addicted to one type of hobby, this is especially expressed in dances, when partners dance and make friends with each other, it can also be expressed in other hobbies. We recommend that you read

REASON FOR FRIENDSHIP #3

Friendship between a guy and a girl can arise because of ordinary friendship. So, for example, a man or a woman can have a soul mate, be married or married, but at the same time have a female friend, although, in most cases, this is not approved by a soul mate, since any friendship between a woman and a man, for whatever reason, she does not appeared and did not arise, it can develop into something more, leading to treason, etc. In this case, with a long-term friendship, most likely, this will happen, either the partner will be taken away, or become a lover (mistress).

REASON FOR FRIENDSHIP #4

The reason for the friendship between a guy and a girl may be that one of the partners does not want to have a more serious relationship with the other, but just in case wants to leave him in reserve, i.e. in case something goes wrong with another partner.

REASON FOR FRIENDSHIP #5

This reason for friendship between a guy and a girl is that one of the partners feels love for the other, and the second partner does not feel such love for the first partner, in connection with which the first, loving partner, does everything to be there and, if fails to fall in love with himself, then maintains friendly relations in the hope of changing the situation. We recommend reading

REASON FOR FRIENDSHIP #6

So a girl and a boy can be friends with each other for the reason that no one will give better advice from a woman or a man than the woman or the man herself. A woman and a man can be friends in order to have good advice in a certain situation, so a friend will not give a friend the advice that a man will give to a woman, because a man looks at a woman from the male side, and a woman from the female side, so it is very important in some situations to have an opinion a man or woman with whom you are on friendly terms.

COMMENTS FROM OUR READERS

I do not believe in friendship between a guy and a girl, there is no reason other than mutual attraction, which will eventually result in an attempt at a relationship. So there are no other reasons for the friendship of a guy with a girl. Let at this stage everything is friendship, spending time together and does not imply any intimacy, but sympathy will take its toll, especially if both he and she are currently free and not burdened with other relationships. So the guy and the girl will be friends until a certain point, after which a completely different story will begin.

- No. But I'll explain now!

And not just “no”, but three times “no”: social “no”, sexual “no”, and psychological. To illustrate this “no”, I even drew a beautiful diagram with hearts, but everything has its time.

Let's start with the main thing - with the definition

what is friendship"?

Imagine you are going to a big company for barbecue. Summer, nature, pond. Finally, we all got together, arrived, as many as four cars, you know someone from kindergarten, you see someone for the first time. Husbands, wives, children, dogs, teenagers, couples in love, all mixed up, with beer, badminton and roast meat. And then when you post these photos on your page, you write: "these are my friends."

And there can be as many such guys and girls as friends.

Or another story. After a corporate party, you wake up in the apartment of an unfamiliar man (or woman). He (or she) snores terribly, even if you shoot or cut you, you don’t remember how you ended up here. You have a terrible hangover. In what part of the city you are, you imagine vaguely. It's cold outside, there's no money in your wallet, your cell phone is about to run out of power, and you have a chance to make one single call. Who will you call?

It’s good if there is such a person in your life, because this is a real, faithful, devoted friend, you should cherish such a person.

And there is something in between. But in concept of "friendship" must include three main components:

Confidence.(- Oh! My bra strap bounced off, fasten it, please! - Yes, now. Oh! It’s also twisted on you!)
Sincerity.(- My married man is calling for fishing again! - What a bastard! What are you ?!)
And common interests.(- Look what a cat! - Nya !!!)

In a relationship between a man and a woman, or even a guy and a girl, in which there is trust, sincerity and common interests, there will be no spark of sexual desire, and the subsequent fire of love. Whether this time will come to an even warm flame of a stable love relationship will show. But the spark will definitely sparkle.

Social "no"

Let's see what kind of relationship there is between a man and a woman. The very first and farthest level is business partnerships.

A case from one's life:

One winter, on the night of December 30-31, my kitchen faucet exploded. And a fountain of boiling water hit the ceiling with a powerful jet. All I could do was turn off the common valve and stay on New Year's Eve without hot water. No dishes to wash, no Olivier to prepare, but just wash how?

The next morning, at the hour when, somewhere in the far east, the new year was already marching across the country, I called a plumber I knew. So, they say, and so, guard, help out.

And what did you think? Instead of deservedly, with a clear conscience, "cut" into a salad, my plumber came, brought a new tap, did everything - saved my holiday.

What prompted my knight of the sparkling toilet bowl to this romantic and noble act was by no means personal sympathy. During the past year, I repeatedly supplied him with large, well-paid orders. Helping me in a difficult extraordinary situation is a guarantee of future loyalty and continued mutually beneficial cooperation.

No friendship - purely business relationship.

The next closest stage is the relationship of work colleagues, fellow students and other “comrades in misfortune”. Here, in addition to business mutual assistance and common tasks, there is also a community of interests.

Both colleagues and fellow students are always people belonging to the same social, age group. They listen to the same music, love the same films, understand each other in small things. Together they work on projects, or wait for a paycheck, or hide from their boss. The students are preparing for the session together, washing the bones for the deans. This is the most fertile ground for tying closer relationships.

And how many good films have been made about “office romances”?! Mmm…

And it is at this moment that the phenomenon of pseudo "friendship" between men and women, or future men and women, is formed.

Why "pseudo"?

Sexual "no"

This world is ruled by a god named "Sex". And blind are those who do not notice his omnipresent rule.

No matter how your personal life develops at the moment, what religious or social norms you would not adhere to. In our enlightened age, it is foolish to deny that sexual energy is the main engine of the social personality.

And whether you use it for its intended purpose, sublimate or suppress it, is your choice. And I will repeat the words of one well-known Russian psychologist: "We all want someone."

Sexuality is an integral characteristic of a person, and for everyone its parameters are unique. Sexuality is not at all a model appearance, and not the timbre of a voice. People fall in love with photos, commas and emojis after a sloppy “nya!”. After reading Mr. Darcy's letter, Elizabeth Benet "squashed and puffed up" for the rest of her life.

Even math equations and spaceships can be sexy.

Scientists have calculated in what sequence the process of recognizing another goes. First of all, the brain establishes gender, after whole fractions of a second it recognizes age, and at the very end information about social status is formed.

An interesting exception is a certain mental category "child". For prepubertal children, the brain uses a sexless definition. Specifying for himself a boy or a girl only after determining the social status of this little person.

Neither men nor women are able to abstract from this information. Someone may like or dislike someone, arouse sexual interest or not.

Boys and girls can communicate in common companies, have a good time and remain just classmates. Approach and move away, look closely, look closely - choose in one word.

But if for the second year Petya has been going to the cinema only with Olya, they are still “just friends”. This means that Petya has already chosen, but Olya has not yet. Or the reverse situation when Olya's friend Katya, always arranging collective gatherings or parties, never forgets to personally invite and remind Petya of them three times, and he never calls her back himself and always asks if Olya will come. "We choose, we are chosen."

Student "friendship" is a necessary measure. It's easier for older people. It is enough for Maxim Viktorovich just once, as if by chance, to linger, and then unexpectedly offer to bring Marina Vasilievna. And by the end of this half hour trip, they'll both know for sure whether they'll go on a real date or not.

Thirty-year-old “girls” living “in big cities” have some kind of conditional “third date” after which it seems like it’s already possible, and no three years of “friendship” for you.

Psychological "no"

Why are poor students forced to "just be friends"?

The answer is sad and simple - our society is extremely infantile. Whether it's good or bad, it's how it is. Biologically, as early as adolescence, human bodies grow and mature. We are ready!

Ready to have sex, give birth to children, create their own families. And in principle, even without any secondary education, a girl, in principle, can cook herself, clean the apartment, do laundry - to play the role of a wife and mother, she has all the possibilities for this. And the guys at this age are already strong enough to, for example, chop wood or fill up a mammoth.

Another thing is that our society does not hunt by killing mammoths today.

The social border of growing up has been shifted by as much as 10-15 years. Society recognizes as ready to create a family, and therefore approved by it regular sex only people from 25 years old. With a higher or secondary special education, military service behind you, or better with a stable, well-paid job and your own apartment, please!

That is, in adolescence we already can (and the guys also really, really, really want to) and only at 25-30 do we have a social right.

Poor, we are poor, what we just do not occupy ourselves in anticipation of magical social permission. There is a folk wisdom "whatever the child amuses, if only she does not become pregnant."

Different psychological approaches have their own scale of relationship development, but the essence is the same: Acquaintance - Rapprochement - Grinding - First conflict - Grinding - Second conflict - Grinding - Third conflict .... - Conflict # N - Breakup

All relationships experience an endless chain of conflicts, and one of them will certainly end. And what it will be: the first date, meeting the parents, the first sex, the birth of a child, betrayal or the death of one of the spouses after many years of a happy life together - it depends on the couple.

That very "pioneer" friendship may simply be an unresolved conflict stretched out in time because of the boundaries established by society.

Faced with a love triangle, social inequality, poor-quality sex, thirty-year-olds tend to resolve everything faster. I want - I don't want, I will - I won't.

And for twenty-year-olds, the situation can drag on and on, until a diploma and final exams. And adult life one way or another quickly puts everything in its place.

And finally...

To be honest, everything was the other way around in my student years, I was very “married”. She cooked borscht, ironed jeans, moved with her husband from apartment to apartment, then from one parent, then from another, sorted out a lot of relationships and all that.

But when the real reality in the form of work, salary and business relationships broke into my life. It was a real "conflict" which led to the rupture of a fairly strong relationship before that.

Student marriages, like student friendships, are just a saying. Story ahead!

Psychologist of the Center for Communication and Development "AIRO",

Lydia Grigorieva

Ask your questions * to the psychologist and send by mail [email protected]

or personal message in social networks:

You trust your partner. Honestly. But one little thing still haunts: his girlfriend. Their relationship is purely platonic, she even has a boyfriend, but it's still unpleasant. He can assure as much as he likes that there is nothing between them, but the anxiety still remains.

Negative emotions in such a situation are quite natural, almost all women. But if you want to continue a relationship with him, you need to somehow deal with emotions. So, advice on what to do in this situation.

Identify Anxiety

Ask yourself what their friendship means to you. Identifying the source of the anxiety will help develop a plan to address it. What exactly are you worried about? Do you suspect that they are attracted to each other? Or is their friendship getting in the way of your relationship? The most important thing is to determine what makes you suffer.

Analyze the situation

If your partner suddenly begins to share one of these areas with a girlfriend, this may be a sign of future infidelity.

Usually a couple shares life with each other. This is expressed in three global areas: sex, time and money. If your partner suddenly begins to share one of these areas with a girlfriend, this may be a sign of future infidelity. If your boyfriend spends time with a girlfriend that you could spend together, or, for example, pays her bills, this may be an unkind sign. You should also be wary of trying to keep meetings a secret or constantly ignoring you in their joint plans. In other cases, you are most likely overreacting, and this is really just a friendship.

Put the situation into perspective

It is important to determine what type your partner is. For example, if he grew up in a family with an overbearing mother or was surrounded by women all his life, it will be completely natural for him. However, if he is a born adventurer or womanizer, friendship with a woman can feed his ego or create a fallback in case he breaks up with you.

Face the problem

Conversations like this need to be specific. Don't say, "I don't like your girlfriend."

Start with a direct conversation. If a person really loves you, he will treat your feelings with understanding, and together you will find a compromise. By the way, in such a conversation, specificity is needed. Do not tell me

One of the most typical phrases that can occur repeatedly during your “strong” relationship sounds something like this: “We are just friends with him / her!”. The conflict is brewing after one of you discovered photos and correspondence of your soul mate with another mysterious person. As part of the eternal demagogy about the existence of friendship between a man and a woman, TER has identified 7 signs by which you can determine that you are really just friends.

Golden Rule: You are not sexually attracted to each other

And you can’t imagine yourself in the most passionate and ardent plexuses even before going to bed. You have a good time talking, you can do without an abundance of physical contact between you. Otherwise, is it worth remembering the sweet comedy with Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis and its happy ending?

At parties and get-togethers, you do not arrange sexual and "innocent" games

Joking, having fun, drinking, and then snoring on the same cot, but not kissing and making out around every corner in honor of your great and strong brotherly relationship. In the morning, none of you with a clear conscience says that "this does not mean anything, just as a friend."

Everyone pays for himself

No one cancels those situations when one of you, in terms of your financial situation, turned out to be on a level with a starving child from Africa. Out of friendship, you can feed, drink and borrow 23 rubles for travel, but this should not become a habit or obligation. No one is telling you to become a nasty curmudgeon, it's just that everyone has to rely on their own budget.

Treat each other's love affairs appropriately

This means that you can discuss personal relationships with peace of mind, give advice and understand all this romantic mess. You don't get jealous or compare yourself to his/her new crush, saying in your heart that the two of you "would still be a much more harmonious couple". And how could one even stare at such a frog when there is a beautiful and sexy friend nearby?

Don't try to look like you're on the cover of a fashion magazine

He hasn't shaved in a week and is overgrown like a bigfoot, she hasn't washed her hair or made up since yesterday. They went out for an evening walk just to talk and spend time together. That's what friends do. And they don’t go to meet each other as if they had just fallen out from under the conveyor of a beauty salon, in the most magnificent clothes from their wardrobe. You are not ashamed to seem funny, ugly or a little shabby, because in friendship this is not the main thing.

Be okay with your friend's orientation, whatever it may be

Your friendship is built on the same strong, sincere and trusting relationship as any other. Not because you are trying to help your friend believe in heterosexual happiness with your help.

Do not try all the time to seem better than you really are.

You are friends who will communicate in spite of all the troubles, and not potential partners. Therefore, do not be afraid to express your opinion as it is, and in some places, show your capricious character.

This age-old question "Is there friendship between a man and a woman?" became the subject of controversy in many companies and excited many inquisitive minds. But can people be friends who, in the course of communication, can begin to feel sympathy for each other? Can friendship with a girl not develop into sex? We doubt it very much and want to tell you why.

From friendship comes love, which has no place in friendship.

Even if a guy and a girl begin to communicate as friends, sooner or later one of them falls in love with the other. Unrequited love can happen. She will most likely break off friendships. If the feelings are mutual and people become a couple, then this will only be proof of the impossibility of friendship.

When you're in a relationship, friendship is impossible.

How would you react if your girlfriend had a best friend, a guy, whom she dedicates to all the details of her life? He's not gay and you see him as a potential threat. But what to hide: he infuriates you, and sooner or later you will forbid them to communicate. In the same way, your girlfriend sees the situation about you and your girlfriend. She will perceive her as a potential threat, even if she does not have an outstanding appearance.

We can communicate nicely with girls, but they are unlikely to become friends for us, despite all the charms of their character.

Guys and girls will try to attract each other even in friendly relations

Despite all the conventions of such friendship, we will go out of our way to please a friend. Just because she is a girl. On her part, the actions will be similar. In the depths of your soul there will always be thoughts about how to attract the opposite sex, because this is how nature works.

It's nice to hear approval about your appearance from your guy friends, but if a girl says it, then you just blossom and break into a smile. A study was conducted at Harvard University on the best friends of boys and girls. So, 88% of girls, making a compliment to a friend, implied that they could build a relationship with him.

We are too different to be friends.

A best friend is a person who can call and talk about their phenomenal trip to the toilet, and you will listen with interest and ask a lot of questions.

Now imagine telling a girl about your chair. Will she appreciate your tough humor when the jokes might hurt her personality? And imagine how she will broadcast for half an evening about a new varnish and lipstick that she bought today. Friendship should not have limits. It is based on the similarity of interests.