Behavior of a 3 year old. Psychological features of the behavior of a child in three years. Raising a boy: do not limit freedom
Raising children 3 - 4 years old
Crisis of three years
Bad behavior
Many parents complain that during the period of three years the child becomes stubborn, brash, hostile, naughty and uncontrollable. According to child psychiatrist Rudolf Dreikurs and renowned psychologist Julia Gippenreiter, there are four main causes of child misbehavior:
- Lack of attention is the most common reason. In most cases, from the age of three, children start going to kindergarten, and mothers go to work. And it is natural that now the baby does not receive as much attention from his parents as before.
In such a situation, parents should give their child as much attention as possible in the evenings and on weekends. The child, of course, will demand it anyway: “Mom, read to me. Mom, play with me. Mom, I can't." And if the mother dismisses the child, referring to fatigue or household chores, he will begin to look for other ways to attract her attention - and they will not always be “adequate”.
After all, the child very quickly begins to understand that if he calmly sits alone in the room and plays "", no one will pay attention to him. But when he threw something, broke it, took a dangerous or illegal thing - that's when attention appears, albeit negative, but attention.
Therefore, try to ignore, praise his positive actions, respond to the calls of the child to play together, and pay attention to him when the baby, it would seem, is not waiting for him.
- self-affirmation. It is very important for a child to feel like a significant and respected person in the family. How to do it? When making decisions concerning a child, or when dealing with simple household issues, consult with him and take into account his interests and opinions. The child should know that he can convince you that he is right, just as you can convince him. It is you who must teach the child a lesson in flexibility and compromise, in which the positions of both sides must be taken into account.
Ask him for help, involve him in cooperation, organize such situations and cases where the child could feel his importance and his authority.
A three-year-old child usually already has a good understanding of his gender. , girls - on mothers. They strive to imitate them in everything and are happy to perform “male” or vice versa “female” duties.
During this period, a pattern is laid for future relationships with the opposite sex. Therefore, parents should carefully monitor their behavior and speech.
Material for the lesson.
A child at the age of 3 years is a serious test for his parents. He has already noticeably grown up, began to speak and actively express his aspirations. At some point, the child's behavior begins to change, from an obedient baby he turns into an unbearable boy who may refuse to go for a walk with his mother, pretend to be asleep, and suddenly begin to call names. In psychology, this age is called the "crisis of 3 years of age." The main thing is to remain calm and not panic, these are all temporary difficulties that all parents face, on whose shoulders the upbringing of a child has fallen.
Antics at 3 years old is one way to express protest
The baby begins to realize that he is a person who has his own desires and unique features.
It is for this reason that one can often hear from parents that education during this period turns into a struggle with stubbornness and negativism, this is partly true.
little stubborn
Negativism is a characteristic feature of the crisis of 3 years of age. This attitude is expressed towards the requests of an adult and his personal person. Often this attitude of the child is manifested only to one member of the family, while he obeys the others. This feature also appears in order for a 3-year-old child to be able to force his parents to fulfill his requirements, showing his power with the help of aggression.
Crisis of 3 years - symptoms Raising a baby in different families proceeds differently. Some parents also begin to react extremely negatively to the antics of their grown-up child, trying to show the little manipulator his place. They use pressure and physical force. In other families, obedience to the child is accepted, they fulfill any requirement, so long as he does not bother his parents over trifles. It is important to find a middle ground here in order to direct education in the right direction.
Tantrum at 3 years old - a way to state your opinion Here are some helpful tips for parents raising a 3-year-old child:
- It is important to be patient, to assess each situation as soberly as possible. You need to understand the feeling of the baby, skillfully using his whims against him. For example, if a child refuses to clean up toys, cleverly scattering them on the floor, then you can ask him to never pick them up again.
- All prohibitions, strict requirements, whims have low efficiency, so you need to switch the child's attention to an activity that is more exciting and interesting for him.
- You should not react too violently to the boy's tantrums. You should not indulge any desire of the child, after which a series of tantrums follows. Otherwise, in a child of 3 years old, the habit of starting a tantrum for any reason may be fixed in the mind. You can easily divert the attention of a hysterical boy to an interesting little thing or toy.
- The upbringing of a 3-year-old baby should be completely the same, the father does not need to allow the child what the mother forbade, and, on the contrary, it is especially necessary to clearly explain these rules to the kindest grandparents.
- You need to educate a boy and a girl in an atmosphere of love, sincerely praise for good deeds. And if the child suddenly stumbled and did the wrong thing, you need to explain why you should not do this.
Manifestations of protest in 3 years Real "male" education
It should be very important for a boy to realize that he is a man. He must understand that he is strong, brave and kind, just like dad. At the age of 3, a boy begins to actively imitate his father, he should feel comfortable next to his dad. Mom should understand this feature of the boy, giving men the opportunity to be together more often. They need to be given more free space because they are more active. It is important not to lower the boy's self-esteem, you should not use negative epithets: "coward", "weakling".
On the street you need to spend more time playing active games. For a 3-year-old boy, more independence should be given under vigilant parental control.
Obstinacy and self-will are more often shown by boys A mother can teach a child to open the door, help carry a bag of groceries from the store, perform simple tasks, the baby will be happy with these innovations. It's nice to be helpful and needed.
A little advice for mom: in order to bring up the qualities inherent in a man in a boy, you sometimes need to pretend to be weak and helpless so that the child manifests himself.
Little princesses
A girl, unlike a boy, develops more intensively, her feelings and emotions become more acute. It is easier to contact girls, only here you need to take into account their cunning. Her mother acts as an ideal and an example for a girl, together they find many topics for conversation - a discussion of doll outfits, recipes for delicious pastries, care for indoor flowers. The role of the father in the upbringing of his daughter is to positively influence her communication with the opposite sex. It is necessary to constantly monitor the aspirations and capabilities of the daughter, to promote her maximum development.
Stubbornness - how it manifests itself offended beauty
Parental education is a significant contribution to the development of their child, the character and attitude to the world around them depends on this contribution.
And if you do not start seriously raising a child from the age of 3 and after this period, otherwise there is always a chance to spoil your child completely. In any case, children should be brought up in a full-fledged family where love and harmony reign. The daughter should prepare for the future role of the mother, and see her loved one in the role of the father, and if there is no man in the family, then such a situation can be inherited. Spousal rejection and divorce are problems rooted in early childhood. You need to pick up your unique key for the girl, which will help open her heart to her parents, because trust in the family is the main thing.
Negativism is the main manifestation of the crisis of 3 years Raising children after the age of three
After reaching the three-year age limit, tantrums can also continue, sometimes they are very similar to seizures. The fact is that after reaching the age of 3, the child continues to be mentally and physically dependent on the mother, which is why he does not let his mother go a single step, emotionally experiencing even a short-term separation. It is during this period that the boy actively absorbs information, it accumulates. Time moves inexorably forward, and the former little boy is no longer recognizable.
After 3 years, the child begins to actively explore the space, reaps the results of his activities, rejoices in the fact that he is able to influence this world around him.
For example, if you kick the ball hard, then it will roll further, if you cry for a long time, then they will definitely give you what you want.
Role-playing games at 3 years old - a favorite pastime After the age of 3, a child begins to actively copy adults, trying on various roles. Role playing becomes his main activity. He also shows an increased interest in peers, begins to actively interact with them, play various games. His self-confidence is gradually growing, he begins to understand that he can do it, he knows that he is as big as mom and dad. He begins to feel like a separate person who does not understand, does not want to understand why he is constantly pulled up, many things are forbidden, everything is decided for him.
In simple words, the crisis of this age is manifested in the contradiction between the children's "I want" and "I can."
The desires of a 3-year-old baby do not always coincide with real possibilities, and on the other hand, he comes across guardianship from adults. In psychology, there are 7 signs of a crisis of 3 years of age: self-will, stubbornness, negativism, the appearance of obstinacy, rebelliousness, depreciation syndrome, pronounced despotism. How should parents behave in such a difficult situation so that their actions do not aggravate the situation?
Advice to parents - do not punish the baby - A child at this age tends to do everything on his own, although he has practically no skills for this. In this case, it is important for parents to allow the baby to do everything himself, even if they clearly understand that it will be difficult for him to do this. Personal experience is the best teacher. You need to be patient, watching his actions, you need to give him more time to complete this task than an adult spends on it. Do not forget to praise the baby when he succeeds, what a fine fellow he is, that you are proud that he has already grown up.
- There are times when the child becomes stubborn, insisting on his request. He does this not because he wanted it so much, but because he made such a decision. The best solution in this case is to offer an alternative in return, without insisting, wait a few minutes, let the little stubborn man make his own decision.
- Sometimes the baby acts contrary not only to the parental desire, but also to his own desire, because this is not his personal decision, but his parents ask him about it. Therefore, instead of the order: “Let's go for a walk!”, You can simply ask the baby about his personal desire: “Little, are we going for a walk today?”. Here you can apply a little trick by asking the baby a question, any answer to which will suit you completely. For example: “Will we go for a walk today in the alley or in the park?”
- A riot on a ship is a kind of protest reaction to parental pressure, the stormy children's energy still comes out in the form of strong tantrums and outbursts of anger. Of course, this is a kind of relaxation, but along with it, the baby receives severe stress, which lowers the immune properties of the child's body. Therefore, when the baby went into hysterics, it is better to wait it out calmly, and then explain how to behave correctly in this situation, do not try to do this when the baby is hysterical, it is useless, these are the features of the fragile human psyche.
Do we know that whims and stubbornness are most often caused by the fact that three-year-old children consider themselves already adults, but we do not notice and do not accept this?
The position of a three-year-old child: “I myself”, “I can”, “I know”, and the position of an adult is still: “You are small”. The crisis of three years is connected with this. This is a difficult period for both children and adults. How it will end, with what consequences, depends on us. How to act in order not to lose the respect of the child, to recognize his right to choose and at the same time direct his desires in the right direction?
Is it possible to give in everything? This is a question for psychologists. We offer some pedagogical techniques for resolving conflict situations based on knowledge of the psychological characteristics of three-year-old children.
- Why should a son or daughter eat the porridge that the mother suggested, and not the one that he (a) chose himself (a)?
- Why do you have to go to bed when mom and dad are watching TV, and the child's game is in full swing?
Here are typical conflicts of "fathers and children" of three or four years.
When resolving them, we must not forget that every child is a person, one and only. Not all techniques will be useful for YOUR child, you need to choose from them those that will help you get out of the conflict without harming both sides.
Need to:
♦ Loving the child for who he is, not because he is "good", and do not demand anything in return. (I love you, and you must obey me! - But do we have to for love ?!)
♦ Give the child the right to choose, the opportunity to have his own opinion, because he is the same family member as everyone else. (What do you think? What do you choose?)
♦ Praise your child more often for good deeds. Don't be afraid, you won't overpraise. (You removed all the toys today, well done! Helped me, and the toys are happy. Otherwise, they would be upset, and so would I!)
♦ To be equal with the child, and not to put pressure on him with your authority (because you can't put pressure on your child, you have to earn it).
♦ Play with him more often, because in the game he is an adult and knows how to do everything himself. And if he is an “adult” in the game, then maybe the crisis will pass unnoticed, smoothly?
♦ Demand something from the child with respect for him (I love you, but until you wash your face, we will not go for a walk. You have your conditions, I have mine. Let's fulfill them together.)
♦ Condemn the individual act, not the child. "You scattered your things, you're bad!" - you can’t make comments like that, it forms in the child a sense of guilt and a consciousness of his own inferiority. You need to say: “You scattered your things - this is a bad deed, it doesn’t look like you, because you are neat!”
♦ When blaming, compare a child's bad deed with his good deed. (Today you tore up the book, and yesterday you neatly put all the toys in the box.) Hug your child at least 5 times a day. This gives the child a sense of security, self-confidence. They love him, so he's good.
The third year of a child's life is - quite often - the first truly difficult test for parents. It would seem that all the difficulties are behind: the child grew up, spoke. A kind, intelligent, active creature, and it is a pleasure to communicate with him. But suddenly something incomprehensible begins: at breakfast, he pushed away the porridge and demanded soup, refused the offer to take a walk, called his grandmother “bad”, at the request to clean up the toys, he lay down on the carpet and pretended to be asleep.
Science defines this kind of manifestation in the behavior of three-year-old children with the unpleasant word "crisis". Psychologists usually advise parents not to panic. The crisis is a natural phenomenon, it will pass. And for some children, it really passes - quickly and without consequences. But for others it takes complicated forms, and they need help - correctly and in a timely manner.
Crises have been known to practitioners for a long time. Even in the time of Pestalozzi, Komensky and Rousseau, the unequal development of the child was noted in different periods of his life: it either slows down, stabilizes in some age intervals, then sharply accelerates its pace in others. Rapid, rapid development sometimes complicates the relationship of the child with others. Even the most docile child can become rude, capricious, obstinate, hysterical at this time. The crisis is a period of such rapid development, and the symptoms of difficult to educate are a sign of its beginning.
What happens to the child?
No matter how they called the crisis of the third year of life - and "the age of ouri and onslaught", and "crisis of independence", and "difficult childhood". And all because the crisis is not just inevitable, it is necessary. But how to be? Surrender to inevitability and wait until, having gone through a "difficult age", your baby will again become the same, and his mental growth will enter a stable phase?
It's not the best way out. Passive waiting is not the right solution to the problem, and the child will not remain the same after the crisis. It is not at all necessary that he will become worse, that a difficult (crisis) age will spoil his character - he can become much better than he was, and you will definitely notice that he has become smarter, more independent and more mature. The crisis completely changes the child's attitude to the environment: to the objective world, to other people, to himself.
Psychologists call such transformations age-related personality changes, since they affect all mental processes, change the worldview of the child, his position in life. The crisis renews the personality: the child changes entirely, entirely, in all the main character traits. This process is very difficult for both the child and the parents. They do not always keep up with drastic changes in his psyche and, unwittingly, can unwittingly provoke the negative behavior from which they themselves suffer in the first place.
However, recent studies show that such behavior is by no means necessary: about a third of children go through a crisis without symptoms of difficult education. Speaking about the inevitability of the crisis, scientists have in mind the direction of the development of the child and its pace. These are objective processes and no one can avoid them.
But the style of a child's behavior in the crisis phase is a subjective factor: not only is it different for different children, but even for the same child it can change significantly from the beginning of the crisis to its end.
And this also affects the style of parenting behavior. Therefore, it is not easy even for specialists to determine where is the combination of crisis symptoms, reflecting the natural course of personality restructuring, and where is the beginning of neurotic changes in the child's character. However, some signs of the "norm" and "deviations" in the crisis still exist, and they must be known in order to avoid typical family mistakes.
Faces of the crisis
For many children, the crisis age manifests itself with negativism, self-will, obstinacy - the child will constantly contradict you in everything. You call him for a walk, he refuses, although he likes to walk, but as soon as you cancel the walk, he immediately begins to whine: "I want to go for a walk, let's go for a walk." You collect his clothes, and he again refuses to go for a walk. Exhausting confrontation becomes more and more frequent. You put cheese on the table, and he stubbornly calls it butter. Tired of arguing, you agree: "Butter", he gloatingly objects: "Oh no, it's cheese." He does not care what is on the table - not the truth, but an argument with an adult is his main goal.
How do adults most often react? Strange, but they are offended by the child, perceiving his behavior as a conscious desire to annoy them. Calm down - the primary naive negativism is by no means evidence of the spoiled nature of the child and his dislike for you. On the contrary, this is a reflection of progressive tendencies in his development - mental "emancipation" from an adult begins, an attempt to separate himself from others, to declare his own intentions.
The kid does it clumsily, which is natural. His ability to express himself is very limited, and he cannot even clearly imagine these intentions. Therefore, everything splashes out in the form of an absurd contradiction to the obvious. They say “yes” to him, but he repeats “no”, wanting nothing else but to make it clear that he has the right to his own opinion and wants to be reckoned with.
Treat this application for independence with respect and understanding. It is necessary to give him the opportunity from time to time to "win" within reasonable limits, of course. Frequent concessions are fraught with even more strange behavior. In one family where we observed the development of a three-year-old baby, the mother, at our request, "struggled" with his negativism in only one way - she agreed with him in everything. A week later, he began to play "negativism": he put the toy next to one of the adults, ran away for some distance and, shouting: "Do not touch, my toy," rushed to her, although no one thought to encroach on her. Once, before going to bed, when once again all his whims were fulfilled, he simply went into hysterics.
Our other observations also showed that a child who rarely encounters resistance from adults in response to any of his claims becomes hysterical and very unhappy by the age of three. Obviously, the problem is this: resistance to the will of an adult, forceful ways of interacting with him, a child of this age is still needed - it is impossible to remove them, and it is not necessary.
With their help, he, as it were, “gropes” for the limits of what is permitted, determines “what is good and what is bad,” and parental reactions help to navigate not only in the world around him, but also in his own desires and feelings. Children who are forbidden everything, in whom all primary forms of negativism are suppressed, in the future turn out to be lacking initiative, unable to occupy themselves or come up with a game. Their imagination is either extremely impoverished, or, on the contrary, manifests itself violently, disorderly and unproductive.
Frequent prohibitions and switching the attention of the child from his own naive ideas to other goals break the delicate mechanism of the child's initiative that is formed at this age. If prohibitions do not exist at all, if any absurd requirement is met, then the baby's ability to distinguish between the suitability and expediency of his initiatives suffers - he turns out to be completely disoriented.
He has nothing to rely on in his actions, he does not understand the measure of the correctness of his actions, since he is deprived of the necessary "limiter" of his desires - a ban. And negative assessments of an adult are also needed because children of this age very often evaluate the result of their actions or their actions by the method "from the contrary": "I am good because I do not do bad things."
In the normal course of the crisis, towards the end of the third year, the child learns to more or less clearly formulate his plans and defend them in "human" ways. The absurd confrontation between parents disappears, but it doesn’t always get easier for them: a bunch of other, no less complex symptoms come to replace negativism and self-will.
Crisis and imagination
The initiative that usually appears in children of the third year of life is accompanied by an increased interest in objects and actions with them. In the language of science - "the formation of a personal action: an action conceived by a child and independently performed by him suddenly acquires some special value for him. It is difficult to distract him from this action; if it does not go well, then he can be upset to tears, and criticism may react completely unusual: scream at you, try to blame the failure on another, blush with shame.
Most of the symptoms of personality restructuring are purely positive: the baby becomes independent, persistent and assiduous. If earlier he acted with the object that caught his eye, now he specifically looks for and selects objects for the plan of action that he had drawn up in advance. And the action itself becomes different - purposeful. The child reflects and compares: if the action does not lead to the desired result, he changes it to another one that is more suitable for his goals.
However, parents rarely notice these symptoms: what does not cause problems does not stop their attention. Most of all, at this age, they are alarmed by the increasingly frequent cases of deceit, vindictiveness, unbridled boasting, incredible cunning and resourcefulness. For example: an excessively curious child was forbidden to touch the vacuum cleaner. After waiting for his mother to leave the room, he went to the window, which was drawn with a curtain: "Cloud, can I put dusty dust?" - "You can, Kila (Kira), you can," he allowed himself and, with a clear conscience, took up the forbidden subject. The ability to circumvent unwanted prohibitions with the help of fantasy is very developed in children of "crisis" three years. In general, the imagination at this age is greatly activated and is used by the child for a variety of purposes. First of all, it plays a major role in his objective actions, since it allows him to plan them in advance, to sort out in his mind the ways to achieve them, and to keep in mind the final goal. This. a productive and useful imagination, so to speak. Quite often, however, the child is forced to use his imagination to protect his dignity and his rights. It is this protective imagination that worries parents most of all, although it is they who most often bring it to life. Inhibitions force the child to activate their imagination in order to get around them. After all, subject activity is extremely important to him. At the age of three, the child's "I" coalesces in a peculiar way with the first independent results in activity. His pride knows no bounds: success in actions with the subject, as it were, equalizes his rights with us adults. Objective activity is the only thing he can repeat after us and in the same way as we do. This is very important for him, so it is almost impossible to deprive him of the opportunity to vacuum like mom or hammer nails like dad. Defensive imagination gives rise to both chronic failure in objective activity and frequent criticism of parents. This hurts the baby. Success and failure at this age are so closely related to his "I" that he will perceive the non-recognition of his achievements as a personal defeat, as a tragedy, as a signal of his low value to his parents. And he can behave in different ways: withdraw into himself, become indecisive and tearful, or he can simply "invent" his success. All these manifestations are disturbing and symptomatic. If the child began to often deceive you, if he is frightened in advance by your strict remarks and tries to ward off guilt with the help of fiction, first of all think about your behavior, reconsider your rating system and methods of punishment - does their severity correspond to his faults, are there any excessive resentment for his pride. Symptoms of children's lies are easily overcome if the causes that cause them are immediately eliminated, otherwise they can be fixed for a long time, if not forever.
Imagination and fears
"Crisis" fears are also closely connected with the imagination. Their difference from the previous ones is that they are not just a child's reaction to unusual and strong stimuli. At two years old, he may well hit the roar, hearing for the first time the noise of a coffee grinder or the sound of a siren: the instinct of self-preservation is triggered. By crying, he draws the attention of his parents to the discomfort, learning to distinguish between dangerous and safe innovations invading his life.
The fears of a three-year-old baby are of a different kind. They can arise after reading a fairy tale or from the uncomfortableness of darkness and settle in his soul for a long time, reflecting on his behavior. His imagination will create bizarre images of the "terrible" and he cannot cope with them. The mechanisms of the birth of fears in three-year-old children have been studied very poorly. As a rule, with a successful course of the crisis, they do not particularly strain the baby, but with a burdened one, they can become a very serious problem.
Quite often, obsessive fears are a sign of neuroticization of the personality and the child must be urgently shown to a specialist. But most childhood fears can be dealt with on your own. And above all, you should not convince the baby that he has nothing to be afraid of, or that it is shameful to be afraid. From persuasion, fears do not go away, but a sense of guilt is added, and the situation can become more complicated. Therefore, the right to be afraid must be recognized, but also help the child fight fears by mobilizing all his ingenuity. One three-year-old toddler was helped by a "magic sword" - a willow twig peeled from the bark, which his parents placed near his bed. Another kid, with the help of his mother, "brewed" a potion against ghosts - the most bitter and tasteless foods were poured into a mug. It may seem ridiculous, but the baby has a sense of security and fears are no longer terrible for him.
So, three years is a milestone that every child overcomes, an important and responsible period in his development: he enters the phase of restructuring his entire mental life. He strives to realize himself in objective activity, is sensitive to the assessments of his skill by others, he develops a sense of his own dignity.
If adults continue to treat him as small, inept, hurt his pride with offensive remarks, limit his initiative and strictly regulate his activity, if they are inattentive to his interests, the crisis escalates and the child becomes difficult and intractable.
This can take root if adults do not rebuild their relationship with him. And, on the contrary, it is easily overcome if they respect his activities and concerns, delicately evaluate his results, support and encourage him.
Then the child has a sense of self-respect - an important personal foundation for the development of all children's abilities in subsequent ages. It is very important to help him find this feeling. If it is not formed at the stage of the crisis of three years, it may never arise at all. Each mental function, each personality trait has its own optimal period of origin. The main thing is not to miss it.
In this article:
At 3 years old, the child still pleases, surprises and amuses his parents, but he no longer succeeds in impressing adults the way he did in the first months of life. So, before, mom and dad admired everything, from the first smile to the first steps and the first word, as if the child had made an unprecedented achievement. And at the age of 3, parents get used to the fact that the baby already knows a lot, is actively developing and does not require such control and care as before. The result - albeit unconscious, but a decrease in attention. Naturally, the child notices this, and in accordance with this, certain new features of his behavior appear, which are characteristic of three-year-olds.
The relationship between an adult and a child becomes unstable. The initiator of quarrels and conflicts is mainly the child. His mood is fickle, he alternately experiences joy and sadness, boredom and emotional overexcitation.
At the age of 3, a baby begins to realize that the world does not revolve around him alone, and his parents, for whom for many months he was the most important and important person in the world, have their own affairs, their own conversations, where he may not be allowed. This understanding infuriates the baby, makes him angry, lose control of emotions, yearn and try to return everything to its place. 
Such features of the behavior of a baby at 3 years old can be characterized simply: This is the crisis of the third year of life.
A crisis is a difficult period in the life of a child and his family, but it will definitely pass. That is why parents need to be prepared for its manifestations, work out the right course of action for themselves and try to postpone kindergarten, which can only aggravate the situation.
About the features of the three-year crisis
"Crisis" as a concept in psychology does not have a negative message. Rather, we are talking about a short-term active visible period, during which rapid changes occur with a person's personality. A crisis does not appear suddenly. Personality changes are piling up 
for a long time and when the time comes, the restructuring of consciousness and personality begins, in this case - a three-year-old child.
A crisis is a necessary transition from one stage of a child's development to the next. Therefore, it cannot be avoided. Another thing is that the crisis manifests itself in each case individually. One child reacts to changes sharply and painfully, the other experiences a new stage of his life relatively calmly.
At the age of 3, when the development of the baby moves to a new level, the crisis is the moment of the birth of a new, full-fledged personality. It was at this time that the psychology of the baby allows him to realize himself as an independent person, learn to accept the norms of social behavior, feel for the boundaries of what is permitted. During such a period, a small person begins to build a new system of relations with the world around him and people.
The duration of the crisis, as well as the degree of its intensity, will have a direct relationship with the behavior of adults and their reaction to the behavior of the child.The main features of the behavior of babies characteristic of this age period will be described below.
Negativism is one of the main manifestations of the crisis
Under the influence of negativism, the baby begins to behave in an unusual way for parents. Its peculiarity is the refusal to do so, 
as adults ask him, often even against his will and only because he does not want to fulfill requests.
In especially difficult situations, when the child's negativism is bright and peremptory, communication with him can come to a standstill. The kid will say and do everything in reverse, without thinking about whether he really wants it, and about the consequences of such behavior.
Often adults believe that negativism is another manifestation of disobedience. Actually it is not. The psychology of a child's disobedience implies his refusal to fulfill orders or demands from adults just because he does not want to do something, is busy with something more important to him, or is simply simply lazy. In the case of negativism, the baby opposes the will of adults, even to the detriment of personal desires, regardless of the content of the request.
It is worth noting a certain feature of negativism - its selectivity. This means that at 3 years old, the baby resists the orders and requests of only some adults, for example, one of the parents or both at once. At the same time, with other representatives 
the world of adults, kids get along well and are happy to make contact, fulfilling requests and instructions.
A powerful provoking factor in the manifestation of acute negativism is a tough authoritarian manner of dealing with a child. Each time, listening to comments in a commanding tone, the baby may refuse obedience, defending the principled position of a person independent of decrees.
Being stubborn during a crisis
What is hidden in the psychology of a stubborn baby? Usually such children insist on their own every time just to defend their opinion, and not at all because they are interested in it. So, for example, when a mother calls the baby for breakfast in the morning, he can stubbornly refuse it, despite the fact that he already 
hungry. Thus, the child wants to prove to himself and adults that he is quite adult and independent and can make his own decisions.
Parents in such situations trying to suppress the "I" of the child will only harm him. Using authority, and sometimes force, adults exacerbate the manifestation of stubbornness, leaving the child no chance to find a way out of the situation without losing personal dignity.
About manifestations of obstinacy and self-will
Many people confuse the concepts of "negativism" and "obstinacy". In fact, this is far from the same thing. Unlike negativism, obstinacy is not associated with any particular person. Usually obstinate children protest against everything that surrounds them, from the daily routine to the menu and the choice of a place for walking.
Thus, 
a rebel is born in a little man who does not want to live the way he lived before, and with all his heart longs for change. As in the case of stubbornness, obstinacy is more pronounced in children who are brought up in a tough manner by adults.
Willfulness is a child's sincere desire to do everything on his own, and it doesn't matter to him whether he copes with the task or not. The manifestation of self-will at three years is a normal phenomenon. That is how, trying himself in different fields of activity, sooner or later the baby will learn to be independent.
Revolt and depreciation - additional manifestations of the crisis
These symptoms of the crisis are not as pronounced as the previous ones, and not in all cases. Rebels are usually especially sensitive children who cannot 
during this period, find a common language with adults, primarily with parents, therefore they provoke conflicts on their own.
Often riots are accompanied by depreciation, as a result of which things, people, and norms of behavior that were once important for him lose value for the baby. The kid can consciously pronounce abusive words in public, have a bad attitude towards toys and personal things, both his own and those of his parents, call names, refuse to sleep in his room or on his bed, and so on.
On the manifestation of despotism
Children who do not have sisters and brothers in the family often become despots during the crisis of three years. Raised in an excess of love and care, such children want everything to remain as it was, therefore their main goal is to subjugate adults who will 
fulfill their every whim. In such a baby's goal is to become the main person in the family who will dictate his own rules.
So, summing up, we note that the crisis is a difficult period, primarily for the children themselves. Conflicting with loved ones, defending his opinion, overestimating values, the baby wants one thing: to become an independent person whom parents will trust in all respects.
Faced with misunderstanding and unwillingness of adults to trust, kids protest. Naturally, parents should understand the psychology of babies during this period and carefully choose reliable and effective tactics of behavior.
What do parents need to know?
The most important thing is not to try to suppress the “I” of the baby with the help of threats, and even more so physical force, humiliating 
punishments. The more parents try to suppress the child's personality, the more he will resist them.
It must be understood that at the age of 3, psychosexual development is especially active in children. Toddlers begin to realize their gender, which in some way affects their relationship with others.
During this period, the attitude of the child to the mother is contradictory. The kid feels aggression, shows stubbornness and at the same time needs her support and closeness. It is not surprising that it is at this time that the baby may deliberately try to offend his mother in order to check whether she will love him after bad deeds or not.
If the mother's reaction to such behavior is punishment or reprimand, then the child will feel unhappy, unloved, which, in turn, will increase the manifestation of the above qualities.
To calm the baby in this difficult life period, you can offer him games:
All these entertainments will help the baby relieve stress, cheer him up and distract him from sad thoughts. It will also be great to arrange impromptu fights with the child with pillows or balls made of paper, foam rubber, light plastic, during which he will be able to get rid of the feeling of aggression.
An important stage in the completion of the crisis at 3 years old will be the ability of the baby to control his impulses, accepting himself as a person.
How should parents behave?
The main mistake of adults during the crisis of 3 years is to communicate with children as with adults. Parents 
they firmly believe that since a child can speak, it means that he is able to understand what is being explained to him.
As a result, they begin to tell him what to do and what not to do, to give logical arguments, to convince him in the way that they would convince an adult. In fact, it is not at all necessary to give arguments justifying the ban. If there is a ban, then it should be permanent and not depend on anything.
Consequences of negligent attitude to the problems of the crisis of three years
If adults do not show understanding during the difficult period of growing up a child, he is likely to be disappointed not only in the family, but also in the whole world around him, with which the relationship with the crumbs can be seriously upset.
If the baby has a brother or sister, to whom the parents will be forced to devote a lot of time, you will need to try not to deprive him of attention, attaching him to the care of the newborn.
It is believed that 3 years is the best time to register a baby in kindergarten. Actually this is not true. Experiencing difficult moments in their lives, kids can correlate such an act of parents with betrayal and harbor anger and resentment on them.
It will be necessary to talk with the child about whether he really wants to go to kindergarten now, whether he is attracted by the prospect of new acquaintances, spending time outside the home, and then draw the appropriate conclusions and set a suitable date for this important event.
