The child is afraid of strangers. What to do if the child is afraid of people

Content

From the first birthday of a child, changes take place in his life every day, he grows and develops. At first, the newborn only sleeps and eats, then gradually begins to show interest in the world around him, listen to adults, play and learn. The awareness of the newborn of everything that happens around him is also changing.

Closer to the year, most babies have fears, and the first of them is the fear of strangers and people unfamiliar to him. Most often, such a fear appears in a child simultaneously with the fear of the absence of a mother nearby. This fear is completely normal and justified. At the age of one, the baby is much older than the newborn, and parents sometimes leave him, for example, with grandmothers, aunts or even a nanny.

Why are children afraid of strangers?

The main reason for the fear of strangers is the comfort and calmness when mom is around. The child develops attachment to the people he sees most often around him. And accordingly, there is alertness and fear of unfamiliar faces, often men. Children perceive each other calmly and normally at any age.

The newborn is so used to the fact that his mother is always there, within his sight and reach, that even her temporary absence frightens him. Some parents say that sometimes you can’t even go to the toilet calmly, the child is standing under the door and crying. It is on this anxiety about the absence of a mother that the fear of other strangers is superimposed.

The child is afraid that the appearance of a new person in his field of vision is associated with the absence of his mother, or her possible absence. Therefore, he is wary of all strangers and may show signs of fear of them. To prevent the disappearance of the mother and not be left alone with a stranger, the child may begin to cry loudly and firmly grasp the saving mother's hand. At this point, parents may have a completely logical question: what to do with this fear and how to help?

What can parents do

Fear of strangers can appear in children at 8 months, and it happens that it occurs closer to the age of two. Such fear can be expressed loudly in the form of tears and tantrums, and sometimes manifests itself in embarrassment and unwillingness to talk with a new person. Parents with their behavior can significantly aggravate the situation, and can help the baby cope with fear and shyness. The further attitude of the child to new and unfamiliar people depends on the reaction of adults.

If a mother communicates with a stranger, introduces a child to him, does not go anywhere and does not leave the baby, he gains confidence in the stranger, and after a while he will be friends with him, calmly communicating. However, you should not insist on meeting a child and someone else's adult, forcing him to talk, play. This should happen by itself in such a period of time as the baby needs, and not adults.

A good option for a toddler to communicate with an unfamiliar adult can be if the baby sits in her mother’s arms, feels her support and confidence that everything is in order and there is nothing to be afraid of. Some children are so contact and sociable that after a couple of minutes they can already begin to communicate with a stranger on their own. Others need more time and a constant feeling that mom is there and everything is in order.

If the child sees a stranger for the second and third time, he will begin to recognize him and can include adults in the circle of “his own”. If this does not happen, you should not worry and be nervous, for the baby to meet and communicate with some people, he will need more time.

If there is a need in the family to leave the child with strangers, a grandmother or a nanny, you need to be patient so that the baby gets used to a new person. It is better to start dating in advance in order to have a margin of time to overcome the fear of strangers. At least a few times you need to spend time together: mom, child and a stranger. Having learned to trust him, the baby will be much easier to let his mother out of his field of vision.

If the fear of strangers manifests itself in a child in hysterics and tears, he does not allow other adults to approach him, except for his mother, even after several acquaintances and does not want to accept the words of adults that he is a friend and his own person, then it is worth considering and consulting with a specialist . In extreme forms of expression, fear can be a pathology or disturbance in the child's nervous system.

Parenting Mistakes

When trying to introduce a child to new adults or leave him for a while with a stranger, some parents make mistakes that can make the situation worse. If you know and take them into account, you can try to avoid wrong behavior. Parents make mistakes in such cases:

When a stranger appears, they change the tone of voice and the atmosphere of the conversation, the child will immediately feel the change and become alert.
They impose on the child acquaintance and communication with a new person, forcing them to talk, play, show their toys.
They worry and worry about whether he can find a common language with a stranger, and the excitement is transmitted to the baby.
When a child's fear appears, the parents immediately take him to a separate room or ask a stranger to go away. The kid will understand that with his certain actions, the mother will do as he wants, and will use it in the future.

Fear of strangers will pass over time as imperceptibly as it arose. Only in some children shyness and fear of communicating with new people remains for life, but most overcome this at an early age.

Olga Korolkova, Male, 1 year old

Hello! Help me please! The son (1 year 7 months) at home with me, dad, grandmother and other relatives, whom he often saw from an early age, is active, sociable. Smiling, showing joy from the meeting, playing. He loves when books are read to him, recognizes heroes, imitates their actions (grandfather plays the harmonica), loves children's music. He plays with toys (for example, feeds a cat from a spoon and says yum-yum), knows how to drive a car on remote control, recognizes himself and his relatives in the photo ... But when he gets into the team, everything changes. Contact is bad. He distances himself from other children if they come up and want to take his toy - he gives everything silently (unless I intervene in the situation and tell the other kid that you must first ask your son if he will give his toy). If he climbs the ladder to the hill and another child climbs next to him, he will stand and wait at the bottom until he leaves the hill or goes out of sight. When other children, even younger ones, come close, shows concern and wants to hide behind me. I do not insist on communication in such situations, because I'm afraid to hurt or scare him. We leave or move away if he says "let's go" and points in the other direction. Just next to other children on the playground or in the children's playroom, he willingly plays with me, but not with them. With older children 5-6 years old and more behaves calmly. When they came to visit my friend (she has a daughter of 2.5 years old), from the threshold he began to shout "let's go", sob and point to the front door, did not leave me, when he calmed down and tried to play, the girl took away all his toys from him and he again began to sob ... We eventually went home. Although, when a friend and her daughter came to us, he behaved calmly, played next to the girl, but not together. I am very worried, because the kindergarten is just around the corner. I worry that my son is frightened or uncomfortable. Tell me if this is normal and what to do. I will also add that without me he almost never was (no more than 2-3 hours a day, and then very rarely). Thank you very much in advance!

Good afternoon First of all, I assure you that this is completely normal :). At this age, the child still does not know how to independently establish relationships with other children. If through the mediation of adults, then yes - sometimes it is possible to play one game, for example, but most likely not TOGETHER, but side by side, as if in parallel. The child may look at other children with curiosity, or may not be interested in them at all YET. It’s better to go as if “behind” the child, that is, follow HIS “plan” - wants to get closer to another child - go with him and control the “slippery” moments: when another child takes your toys - HERE is where the injury can be, adults are behind children build the right "mutually beneficial" relationship (we exchange toys, and at the mutual desire of the children :). If it doesn’t work out and one of the children doesn’t want to give away the toy, don’t force them to talk about greed and so on, it’s better to get out of the situation, distract or just walk away. In fact, at this age, it is too early to leave children alone to play, as this inevitably leads to one of the parties: the younger ones cannot yet protect their rights, the older ones cannot adequately assess the capabilities of the younger ones and can harm them. When a child is on his territory, he feels confident, which means that he is able to share, and in the future, having mastered the rules of communication and "practicing", communicate with playmates. The garden is still recommended for children from the age of 3, and preferably from the age of 4, when the child already speaks well and takes care of himself, and already understands much more complex things than now. Take your time, everything will come. Good luck, Svetlana.

Olga Korolkova

Thank you very much! Looks like parents like me need some professional help themselves! A lot of worries about the child. I want to educate him correctly ... but I often don’t understand how and what is right. I don’t want to embarrass him or somehow infringe on him, to force him to do something “by force”. But in the end I understand that it’s impossible to set the boundaries correctly or something ... He is in full command of the parade! Grandmothers say that it is necessary to teach from childhood what is right. But in the end, when they sit with him themselves - everyone is allowed!

Parents often make excessive demands on themselves - to be "ideal", to bring up "correctly". Of course, these are just stereotypes and pipe dreams :). We all sometimes make mistakes, sometimes we do not immediately find the right path in relations with people, including our children. Give yourself the opportunity to improvise: you have developed enough thinking and intuition to understand what and when exactly YOUR child needs. Grandmothers sometimes give good tips, but the “first violin” in raising a child is played not by them, but by the parents. YOU make the rules and ask grandmas to stick to them for the good of the child. Because if the rules are different, then the child learns to manipulate adults (which is sometimes useful in life), but also learns that adults are not such unconditional authorities (and this is not very useful for development and further relationships with parents). Of course, the boundaries need to be set now, but slowly :). Good luck, Svetlana.

Raising children takes a lot of time and effort. Every mom and dad dream of their child growing up and smart. Ideally, they want to raise socially active children who will make contact with their peers and be able to express their dissatisfaction. But not all kids get it. But what if the baby speaks badly, is afraid of other children and animals? Where to walk with a child, how to develop his abilities? Let's try to figure it out.

Possible reasons

If your baby does not like to be in crowded places, does not tolerate noise and companies, then this does not mean that he is not like everyone else. Sometimes children want to play on their own, but parents should also influence their child. Give his thoughts and actions the right direction.

If a child (2 years old) is afraid of children, this does not mean that he is autistic or abnormal. This may indicate that the baby was offended by other children. He could simply not understand what happened, but remember this and not want this situation to happen again. Almost all children remember the mistakes of the first unsuccessful experience well. It is not surprising that they do not want to experience negative emotions again. It is unlikely that your child just like that, for no apparent reason, protects himself from other children.

All the actions of the child speak of the situations in which he has been. Children who rarely make contact with peers may be strongly attached to their mother and rarely go out into society. Because of these moments, the baby does not know how to behave and is not friends with children.

Norms for children at 2 years old

Initially, it is worth understanding the standards for children aged 2 years. If your baby does not perform all the actions that are described, or does not say all the words, do not despair. Perhaps you simply did not try to talk to him in his language, and the help of a child psychologist will not be useful at all. Just make more time for your child.

Motor skills and physical development:

walks up and down the stairs. May lean on the railing or ask for the hand of an adult;
jumps over obstacles;
runs;
stands on a stand;
catches and throws the ball;
plays children's outdoor games;
draws lines and circles/ovals;
able to bend down to pick up an object;
controls facial expressions: folds lips into a tube, retracts cheekbones;
kicks the ball.

Communication and words:

studies children on the playground, tries to interact with them,
can speak single words and ask questions,
plays hide and seek,
copying adults
asking for help
understands some everyday concepts,
shows how old, calls the name.

Hygiene and life:

eats and drinks independently
brushes his own teeth
goes to the potty
taking off and putting on panties
able to take off and put on shoes with a light fastener.

This small list refers to the standards. Each baby is individual, some do all of the above and even more, and some do not. Look at the development of your baby and do not miss the moment when you can interest him. Some parents teach all these procedures so that the child goes to kindergarten. Children 2 years old are usually taken to the garden, if there are no other conditions for education.

Why do children need to be social?

Modern parents in the age of the latest technology completely forget about simple truths. Even our ancestors passed on their experience and knowledge about the development of children, not only in educational activities, but mainly through games. The famous "Magpie-white-sided", "Ladushki", "Geese-geese" and other games are undeservedly forgotten. Although thanks to them you can develop not only fine motor skills, but also thinking, memory and perseverance.

Many children do not know how to properly communicate with peers. The problem comes from childhood, such people, even in old age, often cannot express their desires normally.

Adults set boundaries for communication and want children to conform to those activities. But it is worth understanding that each child has his own knowledge of the world, each kid is independently able to learn how to contact other children, communicate, play and even resolve conflicts. Therefore, do not try to express your point of view when it is inappropriate. The playground in the yard is a great place for kids to socialize.

Narrow social circle

In fact, the mother herself is more dependent on the child than he is on her. This psychological trap is often confusing and misleading. If a child constantly spends time only with mom, dad or grandmother, then the illusion arises that there is no need for other people. Therefore, when appearing on the street, a child (2 years old) is afraid of children or avoids, does not make contact.

There is an opinion that if the baby sees a limited circle of people, then in society he can behave aggressively. This is not because he has such a character, everything happens because he has no idea how to communicate in an extended circle. Due to the fact that the child constantly spends time with adults, it is easier for him to contact with them than with peers. By organizing children's activities, you (and your baby) will enjoy the process.

Actions of parents

Expand not only yours, but also your child's.
Change the environment.
Be friends with families - the more people, the better.
Play more children's outdoor games in the company of your baby's peers.
Show interest in activities with children.
Praise your child often.
Give easy tasks first, then more difficult ones. After the baby copes with the first, say that he can, you just need to think.
First teach the child to play, then ask to play.

Hedgehog gloves

Children who are brought up in strictness have more communication problems than children who are praised. Such a child will always have limits, try to please. Although in almost all cases, such requirements for children are too high. Because of this, the child withdraws into himself, because it is easier to be alone with his thoughts, where you will not be scolded, you will not be demanded and you will not be constantly not as good as you should be.

After all, it is not for nothing that it is believed that children feel everything, and, accordingly, if your child (2 years old) is afraid of children, then he is simply not self-confident and anxious. With such a baby, children will behave coldly or rudely, to which the child will not respond, because at home this is a normal reaction to his actions.

With a child's low self-esteem, his anxiety and self-doubt increase. Such children often say that they cannot do anything. This means that the child is afraid of other children and needs your help. He doesn't know how to ask you and not get rejected. He is not confident in his abilities, although he would very much like to try.

early autism

The most difficult case of a non-contact child is childhood autism. The playground in the yard does not cause joy, the child is closed in himself and is very convenient for parents. Such children can move objects while sitting in one place for an hour. Modern medicine diagnoses such cases already in the first year of a baby's life.

Signs of early autism

Starting from infancy, the child does not experience the joy of communicating with relatives and mother.
When he is picked up, he does not seek to touch an adult or hug him.
Doesn't make eye contact.
Repeats many times the same phrase, movement, action. These children develop language late.
Autistic children walk on tiptoe or hop around with a thoughtful and detached expression on their faces.

If you have any suspicions that the child may be sick, then contact a specialist. Timely detection of the disease is half the work on it. After the examination, the doctor will say whether the baby is healthy or sick.

If, nevertheless, your child suffers from autism, then start with small household chores that he is able to complete on his own. Children's outdoor games will help you develop interest in communication. Get pets, they are very good at helping the child to realize responsibility and adapt to the world around.

Communication with children

Many children show their first reaction to peers in the form of aggression. This is not an alarming indicator, but a peculiar method of studying other children and the world. In such games, they can realize where is "mine" and where is "alien". Aggression is a primitive way of interacting with other children. You can call it the first level of acquaintance.

Children are very sensitive, they are able to capture emotions and attitudes towards themselves. But in order for the child to get used to communication and outgrow fear and aggression, he must feel the constant support of his mother. Over time, his behavior will change, but for now, the mother must prevent conflicts, attend children's events.

For example, a child (2 years old) is afraid of children because a toy was taken from him in the sandbox. When they try to take away his toy from your baby, and he is against it, then you should ask the offender: "Does my daughter mind if you play?" - or: "First ask Katya, then take it." This is necessary so that the child feels protected on your part and can defend his desires. After all, he is also a person, and it is necessary to respect his desires and protests. As time goes by, your child will begin to explain his rights to children on his own.

If you see that your baby is simply offended from scratch, do not stand aside. Tell the offender in a stern tone that you can’t do this. This is bad! It is unlikely that he will want to continue, but if this does not work, then take the bad child aside. Until the baby reaches the age of 3, you must fully protect him if he cannot cope on his own. At an older age, children understand what is possible and what is not, they remember very well how their mother supported them, and independently defend their point of view.

In the life of almost every child there is a period when he begins to shun, and even frankly afraid of strangers. Why does this happen, and what can relatives do to make this difficult stage of growth easier for the baby?

Children's fears are quite normal. And the fear of strangers is one of the first fears. As a rule, it appears in babies between eight months and six months and manifests itself differently in everyone.

Of course, psychologists could not help but pay attention to this childhood fear and studied it comprehensively. We have collected their findings and answers to questions from concerned parents in this article.

Why is the baby afraid?

What happens to the baby that he suddenly begins to be afraid of strangers? There are several reasons for this fear:

Reason 1

Children at the age of "around the year" already have a good understanding of the differences between familiar and unfamiliar faces. They recognize loved ones and are wary in the presence of strangers, those whom they do not yet know or do not know well enough. For this reason, sometimes there are curious situations related to the fact that during this period the child can be frightened even by radical changes in the appearance of mom or dad. And nothing less than the arrival of a complete stranger. It is worth the mother to significantly change her image - and the baby does not immediately recognize her and even shuns her. He needs time to get used to the "new" mother.

Reason 2

The kid gradually begins to realize that his mother, the closest person to him, is not one with him. Therefore, her departure for the crumbs is a real tragedy, because he is afraid that she will leave forever. It is for this reason that a child may begin to shun even his beloved grandmother. And if, instead of his mother, unfamiliar people remain with him, then for him this is a nightmare at all.

Reason 3

Fear of strangers is a manifestation of the instinct of self-preservation. Indeed, by demonstrating alertness or even fear from the presence of strangers, the child thus attracts the attention of parents, shows them his concern and asks for protection.

Why are different children afraid in different ways?

Although most children have some degree of fear of strangers, they all react to strangers in different ways. If some babies simply do not trust strangers, shun them and try not to have anything to do with them, then others react much more violently, up to a loud roar or an attempt to run away from the “terrible stranger”. Any of these reactions are completely normal.

The strength of the manifestation of fear of strangers depends on several factors:

child's personality traits

Whatever one may say, there are extroverts who are open to the world and those around them, willingly and with pleasure making contact, and there are introverts who are immersed in their own world and do not want to let “anyone” into it.

family lifestyle

When guests in the family are rare, and on the street the mother and child are walking away from people, then it is likely that the fear of strangers in the baby will be quite pronounced, because he is not used to strangers. Unwittingly provokes the emergence of fear of strangers and an overly timid mother, or an introverted mother.

behavior of guests and people meeting the child

If the baby is emotionally “attacked”, makes him a “goat” and promises to “show Moscow” a huge noisy “uncle” or he is kissed passionately and for a long time from head to toe by an unfamiliar “aunt”, then next time he is unlikely to want to become the object of an obsessive attention of "suspicious" adults.

What should the parents of a "misanthrope" do?

Despite the fact that the period of child misanthropy is not the easiest time for parents (especially if the parents themselves are sociable and open people), you still need to be patient and take into account a few tips that psychologists give. The rules formulated by experts for the relatives of the little "misanthrope" are simple and at the same time quite effective, they can significantly improve the situation and help the child.

What is important to remember?

If possible, do not plan any major changes in your child's life between the ages of eight and eighteen months. The first visit to a nursery, a vacation without a baby, or a mother’s going to work is best postponed until the time when the little “misanthrope” is no longer afraid of strangers. Usually everything returns to normal after a year and a half, although, of course, there are also especially timid and sensitive children who need more time to overcome the fear of strangers and adapt to society.
Do not assume that something wrong is happening to the baby, do not be shy about manifestations of unsociableness, because they are completely normal: most children are more or less prone to the fear of strangers. Do not blame either the child, or yourself, or the wrong upbringing, take the current situation for granted and just wait, everything will definitely work out.
Try to give the baby as much attention as possible. Studies show that children who feel protected by loved ones are less likely to be afraid of strangers and to a lesser extent.
If the child has to communicate with strangers, warn loved ones that you should not scare the baby with excessive pressure, take it in your arms against his will, or promise to “eat such a sweet.”
Even the smallest "misanthrope" can and should be introduced to others in accordance with all the rules, be sure to introduce him to guests or "aunts" and "uncles" who met on the street. Demonstrate the joy of meeting with your whole appearance, take the child in your arms so that he feels protected, and introduce him to an adult, telling a little about the guest: “This is my friend Aunt Ira, she is very kind. I love her very much and miss her a lot."
Forget about the dubious method of upbringing, in which they promise to give a naughty child to a “strange uncle”, “policeman”, etc. Such promises can make a neurotic even out of a balanced child, and even a baby who is going through an already difficult period of fear of strangers, they can be more harmful.
Stick to the rule of a few "don'ts":

1. Do not force the child to "go out in public" by force.

2. Do not ask him to kiss or hug strangers or unfamiliar people, and even more so to go into their arms.

3. Do not shame or ridicule the baby for being unsociable (in no case do you say something like “he is a coward with us” or “what are you like a little one”) and do not let others do it.

If you follow the above tips, then your baby will overcome this stage of growing up quickly and painlessly, and you will be much less nervous and worried.

As I encountered this problem, I searched the entire Internet in search of an answer to the questions - is this normal, do I need to do something about it and when will it pass. Found answers. I will briefly write what the essence and the matter is. Might be useful for someone too...

At the age of 7-8 months, babies begin to experience another “crisis”. I deliberately wrote this word in quotation marks, as some psychologists argue that it is wrong to call this stage of development a crisis. This is a completely new stage in the social and intellectual development of the child. It lasts up to 3 years in boys and 2.5 in girls. But, of course, the manner of its manifestation is changing: if at 7-8 months a baby cries at the sight of a stranger, then after a year it will most likely just be shy. Why is this happening? It is at this age that a child either learns to love or not. First of all, he loves his mother or the person who constantly looks after him. The appearance of a stranger, who, as a rule, still does not look like a mother, subconsciously causes fear in the child that he will be separated from his mother, that he will be harmed. Persuasion at this moment will not work - the fear is subconscious.

There is another significant explanation. It is at this age that the child learns to move (crawl, walk). But intellectually, he is not yet developed enough to make his route safe, get far away from his mother and be able to stand up for himself. Therefore, nature has thought of everything - the child is afraid of losing his mother on a subconscious level, hence the fear of being alone in the room, and the fear of strangers.

It turns out that when evaluating the intellectual and social development of a child, it is also taken into account whether the child has a fear of strangers. If there is, then this is a big fat plus. But there are also such children who by nature quickly find a common language with a stranger: it is enough for them to look at a stranger for a short time, hear his voice - and that's it, he is his own. It's really a talent given by nature to be flexible in dealing with other people. This is not the merit of education. But do not confuse this with the lack of fear of strangers. you can check whether this is a talent or a considerable minus in the development of a child if you go into an unfamiliar (namely unfamiliar - this is important!) Office in which a stranger should sit. A person should quickly get up at the sight of a child, come up and take the child from his mother in his arms. All this quickly without saying a word. if a child is afraid of a stranger, then there is fear, of course ...

It is believed that this stage begins to appear at the age of 7-8 months. But the numbers here may vary, as each child is individual. Often such fear begins to manifest itself at 9 and 10 months, for example ...

How to behave? Do not force the child to communicate with those whom he is afraid of. You need to give him a sense of protection, give him the opportunity to watch a new person from the side, then let the child touch the stranger himself (if you see that the child is ready for this). Perhaps it is worth for some period to refuse trips to crowded places. Remember, all this will pass! The very peak of such fear, as a rule, is short-lived! Visiting relatives and friends should be warned in advance so that they are not in a hurry to hug the baby and take him in his arms.

Well, that's all! Sometimes what at first scares or just worries is a huge leap in the development of our children, the main thing is to know about it and understand your baby! Health to your kids! =)