The child does not sleep in his crib Komarovsky. How to teach a child to sleep in his own crib separately from his mother (video, real stories). How to teach your baby to sleep in his own crib
A problematic question for all parents is “How to teach a child to sleep in his own crib?” appears already in the first months of the baby’s life. From the very birth of a child, there can be no question of the baby sleeping separately. If you face the truth, the mother is more afraid of sleeping separately than the baby. It is fear that prevents the approaching moment when mother and child will sleep in separate beds. But this moment must come. The main condition for this is timeliness.
The influence of co-sleeping in the first months of life on the emotional connection between mother and baby
What could a mother be afraid of? Observations show that the absence of a baby “nearby” at night is the cause of frequent anxiety for the parent. This is due to poor control over the condition of the newborn.
The mother is forced to wake up often and check the calmness and well-being of the child sleeping a few meters away. Sleeping together in the first months is a must, and is an important event. Just yesterday, the baby was in the mother’s womb for 9 long months, was one with her, and was very sensitive to any changes in health and environment.
Such a close emotional and physical connection should not be interrupted abruptly. In the first year of life, a human baby develops what is called “basic trust” in the world. It lies in the fact that the youngest member of the family, living in a comfortable environment, concludes that life is good. And if problems arise (typical of a baby under one year of age - hunger, cold, etc.), then the mother will immediately correct the situation.
Such a conclusion is necessary for the correct formation of a person’s emotional health, and the mother, who is always nearby, is responsible for this. Is it worth talking about the level of emotional connection that arises between them this year?
This opinion is shared by a large number of perinatal psychologists. However, such conclusions have not been clearly confirmed, and it is impossible to recommend the practice of co-sleeping on the basis of such judgments. This opinion is shared by a famous TV presenter, pediatrician, Ph.D. E.O. Komarovsky. Watch his detailed answer to this question in the video:
The importance of quality and long rest
Sleep is the time when our body recovers its strength from the difficulties experienced during the day.
The older a person is, the shorter the duration of normal, sufficient sleep. This happens towards the onset of adulthood. Some may think that babies have no reason to get tired, because they lie down almost all day. This is a fundamentally wrong opinion. An adult spends about 1500 Kcal just to maintain the body’s natural processes.
A newborn grows from the first moments of its life. Enormous energy reserves are spent on the physical development of the body - the growth of bones, organs, and brain development. At the same time, sleeping 20 hours a day is the norm.
Closer to one year of age, the duration of rest will decrease, but will remain at a fairly high level - about 14 hours. The goal pursued by nature is the same - the full, high-quality development of a healthy child’s body.
Graduality is the main principle
As already said - Abruptly refusing to sleep together is highly undesirable. The baby will perceive this negatively, it will seem to him that he was abandoned. Abruptly losing the feeling of a parent next to you can lead to serious consequences.
Night terrors may lead to the need to visit a neurologist in the future.
Therefore, it is simply necessary to know how important it is to teach your baby to sleep in a crib gradually and slowly.
In the first stages, you can simulate a “separate” stay by placing the crib side by side with the parents’ bed. This way the child will be nearby, within easy reach, under control, but already within the walls of his bed.
Over time, the crib should be moved further away, but within the same room. When ready, the crib can be moved to a separate room. But under no circumstances should you distance yourself from the child emotionally, citing his imaginary independence. He must always hear his parents and understand that they are nearby.
What prevents a child from learning to sleep alone?
That same close emotional connection is the reason why it is difficult for a baby to sleep alone. It is difficult to break the connection, but the baby does not think it is necessary.
The feeling of security and unity with the mother is a comfortable environment, beyond which the baby will not dare to go outside of her own free will. Parents themselves begin the process, leaving the baby alone with thoughts about the reasons for the changes and a feeling of fear.
Bad dream
Any child does not want to sleep in his crib alone. Everything, of course, is individual and depends on the age at which the process occurs. Among the causes of unstable sleep in infants are:
1 If the child is not yet a year old, then the first place among the reasons is the need for feeding. For the first six months, the baby will not sleep all night and will constantly wake up. Over time, nighttime rest will account for a larger portion of your total sleep time. This regulation is due to the need to eat. Going to bed should occur on a full stomach.
2 The second reason may be uncomfortable sleeping conditions– low or high air temperature, humidity above or below recommended values. Pediatricians consider a comfortable temperature to be 18-21°C, humidity – at least 50%.
3 The third reason, more often related to one year of age or older, is fear. What can a baby be afraid of at night when he sleeps alone? First of all, darkness. The imagination of a baby can really frighten him in an unusual environment - the dark. But this does not mean at all that you need to leave the light on in the room; it will be difficult to unlearn this later. Before going to bed, it makes sense to give your baby something to drink.
4 Another reason may be stomach discomfort. This organ is still developing in newborns and at first does not perceive anything other than mother’s milk or an adapted formula. The introduction of complementary foods into the diet, as a rule, occurs with possible problems, as a result of which the baby sleeps poorly and often wakes up. If your baby has a tummy ache and nothing helps, give him a warm bath and also do. Water will relax tired muscles and relieve pain.
You can find out more about the reasons for a newborn’s poor sleep during the day.
Negative sleep associations and common parenting mistakes
Don't leave your baby alone; if he cries, lie next to him and calm him down. Sleep associations are the set of feelings that arise in a baby when he mentions going to bed. It is important to develop the right associations for this action.
You can prepare your baby for sleep by repeating simple activities that precede sleep day after day. Last cartoon for today, a glass of milk, washing your face, brushing your teeth, reading a book, praying.
Anything, but these should be simple actions that will not be a burden and make it clear that now it will be time to go to bed.
If, through the fault of the parents, the child has developed negative associations with sleep, then every evening will turn into a battle, since there will be no desire. The factor may be a parental mistake such as leaving the baby alone in the crib when he cries. Parents can simply develop a negative attitude toward the process, since it will always be associated with stress.
Parents also make mistakes such as playing active games before falling asleep, thinking that the child will fall asleep faster if they are tired. On the contrary, games excite children’s psyches, as does watching TV before bed.
Breastfeeding and sleep
One of the associations is feeding. In the first days of life and further during the first months, the baby falls asleep immediately after breastfeeding. Waking up, he remembers the conditions under which he felt good, under which he went to sleep, and asks for his mother’s breast again.
This state of affairs over a long period of time leads to a misunderstanding by the mother of what the baby really wants when he wakes up - milk or reassurance. In this situation, it is necessary to find another way to calm him down.
Pros of sleeping separately
Separate vacations are necessary not only for parents' vacation. This is an important element in the formation of personality and the development of independence. Closer to the age of three, children experience a certain crisis. They want to be independent, their “I” appears everywhere.
At this moment, it is important to have your own bed, thereby being “like an adult.” Your property is your responsibility. An additional advantage will be to teach the little person to make the bed and require him to keep his “in charge” in a tucked state. At the same time, do not forget to confirm the need for this by your own example.
When children have their own crib, they have their own space. It may not be a private room, but it is a place where they are their own boss. If we talk about the age of three, then they simply need such an opportunity. In this case, the child understands that one of the differences between an adult and a child is the presence of his own “living space.”
Also, do not forget that all family members, both mom and dad, need sleep. And if sleeping together prevents you from doing this, you need to take action to wean your child from sleeping together. Dr. Komarovsky tells how to do this.
Signs of readiness to sleep in a personal crib
The main signs of readiness for relocation are:
- no need for frequent breastfeeding;
- the ability to be alone, without scandals, for 20-25 minutes;
- if the baby does not ask to be held 24 hours a day;
- there are no health problems, both physical and psychological.
If these signs do not apply to your situation, then you should gradually work to ensure that they are observed.
When you shouldn't force your child to sleep separately
The process of getting used to your crib does not always go without problems. A child can easily become capricious and refuse to sleep separately. You'll have to take him to your bed and then it will be difficult for everyone to get a good night's sleep How to gently teach a child to sleep in his own crib - you need to understand that this process is not instantaneous. Sometimes a baby can adequately respond to falling asleep for 2-3 days, and on the fourth day give a concert.
If, when finding out the reasons, it turns out that this is not a trick, but, perhaps, poor health or unexpected fear, then it makes sense to make an exception.
Steps to successful sleep training
There are 4 steps to know how to accustom a child to a crib:
- Searching for a backup sedative for the baby, replacing empty breastfeeding.
- Moving into a crib and gradually moving away from it.
- Developing and applying correct bedtime associations.
- Developing the correct reaction to the whims of a child during a separate dream.
As you age, your sleep schedule and ritual change. This is normal and natural. The same lullaby and mother's breast that the newborn needed turned into a book and a glass of milk. Each parent has their own view on this.
In general, to develop a regime, daily repetition of some actions is required. It has been proven that it takes about 21 days to form a habit. Therefore, it is worth taking this fact into account and putting just that much time into setting up the ritual.
Change of regime is normal when it happens in a good way. We must not forget that in the same 21 days a habit can be forgotten if it is absent. Always ensure that the ritual is followed in the evening.
Going to bed on time
- in summer - no later than 21:00;
- in winter - no later than 20:00.
Going to bed on time is the key to a baby’s health; it allows him to sleep as much as necessary for his age.
With this development of events, your baby will sleep until 6-7 o'clock in the morning and wake up well-rested. This is exactly the time when it’s time for many parents to get ready for work.
How much rest does a baby need per day and stress hormone
The duration of sleep differs for different ages. The older the person, the more this figure approaches the normal value of 8 hours a day.
For newborns the figure is higher. The baby sleeps almost 18-20 hours a day, but very intervals. Gradually, the main part of the rest will move into the night period.
The average need for rest by hour for each age is presented in the table:
| Age | Number of hours during the day | Number of hours at night |
| 1 Week | 8-10 | 8,5 |
| 1 month | 7-8 | 8,5 |
| 3 months | 5-6 | 10 |
| 6 months | 4-4,5 | 10 |
| 9 months | 3-3,5 | 11,5 |
| 1 year | 2,5-3 | 11,5 |
| 2 years | 2-3 | 12 |
| 3 years | 2-2,5 | 11 |
| 4 years | 1,5-2 | 11,5 |
| 5 years | 1-1,5 | 11 |
| 6 years | 1-1,5 | 10,5 |
| 7 years | 1-1,5 | 10 |
With a lack of sleep, a small person’s body produces an increased amount of cortisol, the stress hormone. For this reason, the baby becomes capricious and disobedient.
Immunity is also reduced, allergic reactions, inflammation, and nervous system inhibition may occur. If other stress factors are added to this (quarrels, unhealthy home environment), this can lead to various neuropsychiatric abnormalities.
Therefore, it is very important to ensure that the child goes to bed on time, does not overstay, and also gets enough rest for his age.
Comfortable indoor conditions
Comfortable conditions are very strongly related to the quality of rest. Air temperature, humidity, silence, lighting. Everything must be thought out and meet the requirements.
In particular, pediatricians consider the optimal temperature in the room where the little one is to be 18-21 °C, and humidity to be at least 50%. Failure to comply with such standards will lead to possible lack of sleep, headaches, and frequent awakenings of the baby. Is it dangerous for a newborn - read here.
A favorite toy calms a baby at any age, don’t ignore this fact A toy for a child is a friend who always listens and looks into the eyes. A favorite toy in your hands is part of “yours” nearby. Don’t neglect your request to take a toy with you to bed., the baby will sleep more peacefully with it.
Don't forget about night lighting. When training a baby to sleep separately, frequent visits from the baby cannot be avoided. The need for short-term illumination of a room arises constantly.
For comfortable, soft and dim lighting, use a night light. This could be a children's night light, which will also be interesting to your fidget.
Most parents purchase a crib before their child is born. This is understandable, because it will be needed immediately after birth. And the purchase itself is simply a pleasant hassle associated with the birth of a baby.
The crib must meet safety requirements, do not tip over, do not have sharp corners or dangerous places or mechanisms. For an older child, choosing a crib is a special event. As he becomes independent, ask him what kind of bed he would like to have.
Of course, at 2 or 3 years old he is unlikely to be able to tell himself about his desires, but he must definitely take part in the process. Look at the cribs in the store with him, let him choose what he likes. And there is such a crib - after all, today every child’s item contains characters from your favorite cartoons.
The skill of falling asleep independently
The first and main requirement is that the crib must be safe for the child. What functionality and appearance it will have is a matter of taste. This skill is the ultimate goal of your journey to independent sleep. The stage of developing the skill of falling asleep independently is a difficult test.
All the association methods and rituals described above will help with this. If the baby goes to bed already in a relaxed state, then the chances that he will fall asleep quickly are very high.
But in any case, there is no need to accustom your child to a constant presence next to his crib. You can already negotiate with a three-year-old man, having determined in advance that after reading the fairy tale the light will be turned off, and the parent, having said good night, will leave the room. The key to success in this matter is the peace of mind of the parent and the comfort of the child. For more information on how to put your baby to sleep, see this.
In the case of a newborn, if a problem arises to quickly calm the child, there are several ways:
- Rocking - recreating the usual movement in the womb;
- Touch – physical contact;
- Recreation of sounds familiar to the baby;
- Lactation.
If a child 2-3 years old wakes up, then it is advisable to find out the reason for the awakening and eliminate it.
Traditions of putting children to bed in different countries
- Americans are ardent opponents of sleeping together, and from early childhood they know how to teach a baby to fall asleep on his own and sleep all night in a crib.
- The Japanese, on the contrary, have been practicing this technique for a very long time, since closeness between family members is very important to their culture.
- The Italians are in complete solidarity with the Japanese, and for them, putting them to bed separately is an indicator of dislike for their child.
- Germans and Austrians are very strict about their daily routine, so they instill this in younger family members from birth.
- In Kenya, New Guinea, and Ethiopia, it is customary to sleep in the following way: boys with dads, girls with moms. Swedes prefer to vacation with their children, as they believe that it brings them closer together.
conclusions
Joint holidays have many advantages. This method is worth practicing, especially when breastfeeding. But when weaning begins, you should start moving the baby to your own bed. The main thing is to do it gradually, not to rush.
The question “how to teach a child to sleep in his own crib” is not the easiest one. But it cannot be called unsolvable either. Be closer to the baby, understand his mood and state, feel it, and then the baby will easily sleep in his crib.
The popular presenter, doctor of the highest category E.O. talks about the rules of children's sleep. Komarovsky:
One of the main problems of young parents is the child and the crib. I want the baby to sleep in his own crib. This is safer than lying next to your mother, who can turn around in her sleep and inadvertently crush the baby. In addition, co-sleeping does not allow a tired woman to get enough sleep.
Psychologists say that a child is psychologically separated from his mother only at the age of 7 years. An infant still perceives the world outside of his mother very poorly. It is important for him to hear his native voice, feel the touch, feel the familiar beat of his mother’s heart. All this helps him cope with the anxiety of being in a new unfamiliar world.
But the mother is neither physically nor psychologically capable of being with the baby 24 hours a day. Yes, and it’s harmful for the baby. He needs to learn to be alone. This is necessary for the development of his mental and physical functions.
Note: If the baby is very anxious about the absence of his mother at night and does not want to sleep in the crib, you will have to meet him halfway. Then it is necessary to teach independent recreation gradually, without violence from parents. Otherwise, too much money will be paid for a separate sleep: the child’s nervous system.
Dangers of co-sleeping:
- Child injury.
- Moral and physical fatigue of the mother.
- Delayed development of mental functions. Selfhood is a necessary condition for the full mental development of a child.
- Cooling of feelings between mom and dad. Not every dad can handle three people sleeping together, and this, together with the general stressful situation in the house, can lead to increased conflict in the couple.
Remember, teaching a child to sleep separately from his parents is important, but it must be done correctly and in a timely manner. It is better to put a one-year-old baby who is breastfed up to 1 year without the habit of a pacifier during periods of vaccinations, teething and physical ailments to sleep where he likes. In all other cases, slowly move towards independent sleep.
Rules and methods for teaching independent sleep
There are many tricks and secrets on how to get through this stage without tears and hysterics:
- It is easy to teach a child to sleep separately from his parents if you were able to do this at the maternity hospital stage. Does your baby sleep peacefully on his own in the hospital? This means there is no need to drag him into a shared bed at home - he feels fine without it.
- A calm pregnancy is an important condition for the child’s nervous health. Sleep for the required amount of time, do not overtire, avoid nervous overload, and the newborn will feel calm in a separate crib.
- Correct daily routine. Active games in the first half of the day, calm ones in the afternoon. Mandatory daytime nap. Then the baby will come up in the evening tired, but not overtired, and will be able to fall asleep peacefully.
- Correct rituals before bed. This is especially important for slightly older children. Bathing, bedtime story, sleep.
- Gradually teach:
- lie next to him for a while until he falls asleep;
- just give us your hand;
- do something near the baby;
- Leave the door to the room open so he knows you're somewhere nearby.
Dr. Komarovsky draws the attention of parents to the fact that rules and the general attitude towards the child on the part of the family are important in raising children. The baby is a member of the family system, but not the main one. There is no need to rebuild your whole life for a little one. We need to integrate him into the family. Therefore, the child must clearly understand that in the house there is a living space for himself (the crib) and others (the parents’ bed).
We train you to sleep separately by month
How to teach a newborn, one month old, or three month old baby to sleep in a crib on their own? Some mothers share their experience of smooth training using the following algorithm:
- a baby up to 4 months falls asleep on his mother’s breast and is transferred to a crib;
- at 5-6 months, the mother rocks the baby in her arms to a lullaby;
- 11 months - 1 year, just with a song.
At 7, 8, 9 and 10 months, everything depends on the teething process. The baby may sleep restlessly due to pain in the gums. In such cases, use a special anesthetic liquid. It will relieve pain and the little one will sleep more peacefully.
It is important to know! The crib only works as a place to fall asleep instantly when it is used only for sleeping. The baby woke up, take him from there. Let him play and eat in other places. Place it in the crib only when the baby is ready to sleep.
At 1.5 years old, you can and should diversify your falling asleep rituals. Add to them a soft toy, putting on pajamas, reading a book. At 2-3 years old, the next step is a separate bed. If your child is afraid, first place the bed next to yours. Make moving into your own room feel like a holiday.
The question of how to teach a child to sleep in his own crib worries many young mothers. There are many recommendations on this matter, some contradicting each other. The main thing is to listen to your baby’s wishes and not doubt his actions.
When is it time for your baby to sleep alone?
Co-sleeping, especially in the first six months of a baby's life, benefits everyone. There is no need to teach your baby to sleep in a separate bed. When it is convenient for him and his mother, there are no threats to health or life, sleeping together is only welcome. Before one year of age, there is a high risk of sudden infant death, so parents need to secure the child’s sleeping place.
Convenient age for moving out
A newborn baby sleeps without problems on his own, provided he is fed and comfortable. Then the need for mother's presence increases. She is able to satisfy any desire. Therefore, it is convenient to sleep with the baby. Then he grows, learns about the world around him, and his interests change. Every day is filled with new emotions, impressions, and new fears appear. Experiences affect the baby’s psycho-emotional state and the quality of sleep. The presence of the mother will ease the experience, create a feeling of comfort and security. The more time a little person spends next to his parents, the better for him and his development.
After 1.5 years, children may experience new fears: loneliness, darkness. If this happens, it is better not to drive the child out of the parent’s bed. Wait until this period is over, the baby will be able to fall asleep on his own, without fear. At 2.5 years old, children become less dependent on their parents. They want to have their own space. Usually they ask themselves and go to their bed. For some it happens earlier. There are children who sleep in their own bed without problems from birth.
At the age of 2-3 years, many move into their own bed without worry. This is necessary for the development of correct self-esteem and the child’s individuality. Having personal space, a room, a bed is the basis for the development of a harmonious personality. The age of 2-3 years is the best time to move into your own bed.
Best time to move out
There are other opinions regarding the age of sleep training. Some experts advise moving the baby to your own bed immediately after birth. Ignore the protest, the scream, make him sleep alone. They believe that this is the most optimal way to put a little person to bed, convenient for mother and baby. She will get enough sleep, devote more time to the child’s father, and the baby will grow up healthy and independent.
Other experts recommend starting to teach sleeping separately after the baby begins to roll over, sit, and crawl. When he becomes more independent, i.e. at the age of 6-8 months. They believe that delaying this event will only complicate the situation; a child at a more conscious age will not want to sleep separately. Many people independently begin to fall asleep separately within a year or two without problems or hysterics.
In any case, it all depends on the child and the parents’ attitude. Everyone is different, any process requires an individual approach. The main thing is to be confident in your decision and stick to your plan. Children feel their parents’ doubts, uncertainty and do not understand how to behave. This is where the tears and screams begin, and the move turns into torture.
Reasons for a child's reluctance to sleep alone
The child does not want to sleep alone, perhaps because he is simply used to feeling his mother nearby, her warmth and smell. This way he feels comfortable and relaxes. If a baby sleeps with his parents for a long time, he perceives their bed as his own.
If the baby is breastfed (breastfed), he may be very attached to his mother because of this. Milk and sucking are associated with sleep; otherwise he cannot calm down and relax. Waking up at night, she looks for her mother and easily falls asleep under her breast. It is necessary to destroy the connection between gw and sleep, to offer another association, a way of going to sleep.
A one-year-old baby can already learn to fall asleep on his own. This also applies to sudden awakenings in the middle of the night when the child dreamed something or was woken up by noise. It is possible that he no longer feels the need for mother’s milk, but asks for it out of habit, uses it as a calming aid.
Note! A little person may miss communication with parents during the day, attention, and touches. Sleep seems like another separation to babies, so they worry and rush to their mother’s bed. If you spend time with your child before bedtime, without distractions or shifting attention, the baby will more easily tolerate the absence of his parents nearby at night.
It is recommended to use rituals to fall asleep. These include swimming, quiet games, reading fairy tales, listening to audio recordings. All these activities should be joint so that the baby feels parental love and affection. Games need to be designed to be quiet so that the child does not become overexcited and has no problems going to bed. It is better to stop active activities 2 hours before bedtime, the same goes for watching TV.
Some mothers themselves do not give their child independence. As a result, any separation from her, even for 5 minutes, is perceived very acutely by him. To prevent this from happening, you need to involve your baby in independent actions:
- clear away the dishes,
- take out the potty
- dress for a walk,
- choose clothes and shoes that you like.
Learning new things will contribute to the development of the baby and make him more independent.
Babies may refuse to sleep separately if there is a tense relationship between parents, when the mother is trying to avoid loneliness and subconsciously attracts the child to bed, but does not want to let go so as not to be left alone.
When a child is sick, he wants to be with his mother all the time so that she can help him cope with unpleasant symptoms. If the child is not feeling well, it is better not to take steps to move. This is stress for the body, superimposed on the disease, it will double the baby’s experiences. Perhaps the reason for the child’s whims is much simpler. He feels uncomfortable, cold, hot, stuffy. Extra things need to be removed from the crib, pajamas should be spacious, comfortable and soft. Be sure to ventilate the room before going to bed.
Childhood fears
After 1.5 years, children may be tormented by nightmares. It is better to fight these fears in the form of a game. Show the child that the monster is very small, not at all dangerous, funny, and that the child can handle it. It is better to explain this during the day, in the light, in an unobtrusive manner. Night lights near the baby's crib help. Choose it, buy it together, so that the child likes it and does not cause unpleasant associations.
There is no need to combine bed training with other difficult situations for your baby. These include illness, introduction to kindergarten, and potty training. GW must be completed, or the number of feedings per day should not exceed three times. If a child can play alone in a room for more than 10 minutes and not cry when he wakes up, and there are no adults nearby, he is most likely ready to sleep alone.
Steps to falling asleep on your own
You can teach your baby to fall asleep in his own crib after 6 months. Until this age, the connection with the mother is very strong, the child constantly needs her presence.
An important rule from birth
It is recommended not to train children to sleep after eating; this applies to breastfed and bottle-fed babies. This can be done from birth. In the evening, when feeding the baby, do not lie down, do not turn off the light, so that there is no desire to sleep. Then in the future there will be fewer problems with how to accustom a child to a crib.
The breast and bottle can be replaced with a pacifier. But give it only for the period of falling asleep. Otherwise, the baby may get used to it; prolonged and frequent use of it provokes the development of malocclusion. After the baby learns to fall asleep without food, you need to gradually wean him off the pacifier.
After a year, you can replace night feedings with water. With bottle-fed children, this process is much simpler. They can sleep all night without interruption almost from birth. Babies on guardianship wake up often, looking for their mother so that she can help them fall back into sleep. After a year, it’s already a habit, an inability to return to sleep on your own.
Therefore, you gradually need to wean your baby from frequent nighttime breastfeeding. It is necessary to physically distance yourself from the child. To separate the space, but not move too far away from the baby, you can remove the side of the children's bed and move it close to the parents' sleeping place. If desired, the baby will be able to move to his mother, but will not be constantly nearby.
Daily regime
You need to establish a daily routine, it is important at any age. Bedtime should be approximately the same every day. It's kind of a habit, but a useful one. At a certain time, the baby will be ready for the daily rituals that prepare him for bed. Following a routine is useful to prevent your child from becoming overstimulated. When bedtime is missed, the child is tired but continues to play. He behaves actively, looks cheerful, but emotionally he has already gone too far. Then children fall asleep poorly, their sleep is restless and intermittent.
Advice. If a child falls asleep in your arms and is used to being rocked to sleep, you need to gradually move away from this. You can reduce the amount of time you spend holding your baby in your arms before bedtime and put him in his crib earlier.
Basic methods for relocating a baby
In order for an infant to want to sleep in his crib, it must be convenient, comfortable, and safe. It is not recommended to use blankets or bumpers until the baby is one year old due to the risk of suffocation of the baby. The sides protect the child from blows and create comfort, but, nevertheless, the child can bury his face in them. It is especially dangerous if the baby still has trouble turning over. Therefore, when using you need to be careful and careful.
Additional Information. Pillows are not recommended for use before the age of two.
There are anatomical pillows that are approved from birth. They should be recommended by a doctor; often there is no need to use them. In order for the skull to form correctly, it is enough to turn the baby from one side to the other during sleep. In addition, children spin around a lot, and pillows and blankets become simply meaningless and end up on the other side of the bed. Until the child begins to confidently roll over and turn his head, there is no need to give him soft toys, again for safety reasons.
Many parents decorate their babies' cribs with a canopy. When the baby begins to sit up and can reach it with his hands, it is necessary to remove it.
Using the Substitution Method
To make the transition to your crib easier, you can give your baby a toy that smells like mom. This will make it easier for him to fall asleep and he will feel safe. You can leave the toy in the crib and go out for a while, telling the baby that it is protecting and protecting him. Then thank her. Soon the child will associate the toy with reliability and calmness. To some extent, she will replace her mother. This is the substitution method.
You can sleep on his sheet for several days so that the smell of the mother remains and the child feels it.
Calming method
The baby cannot always fall asleep equally well and calmly go to his bed. Perhaps he is in a bad mood or feeling unwell. You also need to pay attention to this. If a child cries, it means he needs attention. You should always approach and calm the baby:
- pet him
- kiss,
- talk,
- sing a song.
It may not calm down right away; picking it up is not prohibited. Then put him in the crib and repeat the whole bedtime ritual there. All children are different and require different amounts of time to move.
The main thing in resettlement is confidence and consistency. All family members must be together. It is necessary to pay more attention to the baby during the day so that he does not feel deprived and forgotten. Then the question of how to teach a child to sleep in his own crib will be decided by himself, the child will go to his own bed at his own request.
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Every mother loves her child and does not want to let go of herself for a minute. Especially if it is the first one or was difficult to achieve. Mothers often love their children more than fathers and are ready to sacrifice everything for them - from normal sleep to a husband.
But is it worth sacrificing your own and dad’s comfort by leaving your baby to sleep in a shared bed? Until what age does it make sense for both parents to have trouble sleeping? When is it time to move the baby to a private apartment? How can you easily and without unnecessary hysterics teach a child to fall asleep independently in a crib at 1, 2, or 3 years old? We will try to answer all questions!
Pros and cons of sleeping with parents
Somehow the world works that psychologists worry about the mental state of children. Pediatricians worry about children's health. And for some reason no one worries about the emotional and physical health of moms and dads, about normal marital relationships. And no one thinks that with a mother who is always sleep-deprived and a father who is offended by his mother, the child will not grow up normal and calm.
While feeling sorry for the baby, mom doesn’t feel sorry for herself and dad, but dad sleeps on the couch and regrets that he got involved in all this in the first place. Catching himself thinking this way, the young father also feels ashamed. And a man who is deprived of attention and constantly feels shame for it is worse than a child. Do you need it?
There are a lot of disadvantages to sleeping with your parents:
- Not enough space. A tiny body takes up a lot of space in a dream. And for about 8 months he also pushes, freeing up territory for himself.
- Sensitive maternal sleep. Even the most tired mother will wake up at the slightest movement of the baby. And so on all night.
- Wooden limbs. Under normal conditions, the human body changes posture up to 20 times during the night. When a mother sleeps with her child, she does not change her position. The body does not rest, the brain is tense, holding the body in one position. Even if you overslept! 4 hours, which is great luck with a baby, you feel not rest, but that you were lying under an asphalt paver.
- Problems in older age. Rocking a 10-15 kilogram baby, you tear your arms and back. In 10 years it will come back to haunt you. Complete with chronic insomnia.
- Hygiene and health. Dads go to work, come into contact with people, and bring viruses home. Moms go shopping and do a good job at it too. And you want your child to sleep in an increased level of pathogenic microflora? Neither you nor he will sleep the next night - the baby will probably become infected.
However, sleeping together has undeniable advantages:
- Closeness with mom. It is vital for the baby. Especially if the mother goes to work early and during the day the baby lacks mother’s attention and love.
- Night feedings. If the mother is breastfeeding and the baby sleeps with her, you don’t need to get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby.
- Golden children's dream. Babies, especially infants, sleep much more soundly, feeling their mother’s warmth.
- Prolactin. This is a hormone that allows the mother to produce milk in her breasts. It is produced at night; relatively restful sleep and the proximity of the baby contribute to this.
At what age should a child be taught to sleep in a crib?
For a normal psyche, a child needs everything to be good in the house. And for this we need normal, fulfilling relationships between parents and healthy sleep for the whole family. Sooner or later, the moment comes when the child is “evicted” from the parent’s bed. The question is when is the best time to do this:
- From birth. If you want to get by with little blood, teach yourself and your baby to sleep separately from the very first days. It is better to sleep for 2 hours and get up at the first call to the crib than to sleep for 4 hours and wake up like a robot.
- From 6-8 months. This is the opinion of most psychologists. A child of this age does not wake up more than 1-2 times a night, and the “artificial” ones can even sleep from 11 at night to 6 in the morning. In addition, at this age the baby quickly gets used to the new environment.
- From 2 years old. This is the opinion of some psychologists and “baby-dependent” mothers who themselves do not want to let their baby go to their own private apartment. There is one healthy advantage of moving at this age - you can try to come to an agreement with the baby.
How to choose a suitable crib
There are different solutions to this issue for different ages:
- Up to 2 years. Buy a side bed. It is attached to the parent one at one level on the mother's side. It seems like the child is with you, but it seems like he’s in his own living space. This can be made from a regular crib by removing the front wall. Over time, a fabric side is pulled between the mother and the baby, then the regular wall is returned and they begin to slowly move the baby’s crib away from the parent’s sleeping place.
- After 2 years. At this age, the baby is already thinking. There is a high probability that if you together choose a separate rookery for him, and even a non-standard one - in the form of a car, a sun, with interesting decor, new bed linen and pajamas, the baby will sleep there voluntarily, bragging to his peers about his cool bed and how he is already adult. You will have to spend money - unusual beds are more expensive than standard ones, but your nerves and family happiness are more important.
How to teach a baby to fall asleep in a crib
If you put a sleeping child in his rightful place from birth, the question of how to teach your baby to sleep in a crib is not worth it. The child sleeps there by default, for him this is the normal order of things. If not, be patient.
To begin with, without long motion sickness, at a certain time. If your baby starts to fall asleep next to you, put him sleepy in his crib and sit next to him for a while. Asleep - it’s time for you to go to bed. In a week, the baby will calmly fall asleep on his own, already lying in the crib, as long as his mother sits next to him and reads a fairy tale.
If your baby wakes up as soon as he is left alone, be firm. Don't run to him at the first call, wait a minute and then go. Calm the poor guy down and put him to bed. Crying again? Wait 2 minutes, repeat the manipulation. Increase the waiting time by a minute each time. 7 nights of running around, and the problem will be resolved, according to the Ferber-Estville-Spock method.
Important! The technique is quite tough, you will need all your self-control and patience. If you decide to move your baby into a crib - go all the way, otherwise it will get worse later, and the problem of your indecision will affect not only a separate dream!
How to teach a child over 2 years old to fall asleep in a crib
If you did not find the strength to overcome co-sleeping earlier, you will have to use all the diplomatic skills that you and your husband have. It is quite possible to come to an agreement with children 2-3 years old, even if the child has a character. Try following the algorithm:
- Unity. You and your husband should have a clearly developed common line of behavior. You will sleep in your own crib, and that’s it! If a mother wants to sleep with the baby, and her husband evicts him, there will be a war. Parents must act together.
- Advantages. Explain to your child that sleeping in your own bed is normal, good, and adult-like.
- Encouragement. Explain to your child that this is not a punishment, this is an encouragement, because he is an adult, behaves well and deserves to be independent. You can even time the move to coincide with a birthday or holiday.
- Shared choice. Invite your child to choose his bed together or arrange the one he has. The baby will proudly sleep in the territory that he himself chose or created.
- Mom is nearby. Explain to the child that mom is still nearby and if something happens, she will definitely come. If your child is afraid to be alone because of the darkness, purchase a special night light.
What not to do
- Don't argue with your husband. Calmly discuss why your child should sleep with you now and when he will move to his own bed.
- Don't yell or punish your child for not wanting to sleep alone. They themselves are to blame for their overprotection.
- Do not evict your baby at a time when he needs you (if he is sick, teething, or suffering from colic).
- Don't add stress to your baby. If you have started potty training your child or sent him to kindergarten, this is not the best time for independent sleep.
- Don’t wait until your child has a 3-year-old crisis. Relocate him early, don't accumulate problems.
- Do not confuse whims with a state of panic. Otherwise, you will not achieve results, and you will harm the baby’s psyche.
- Do not make fun of your child, especially in front of strangers. Create unnecessary complexes.
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