Stories of love with foreigners: holiday romance with a sequel. Marry a foreigner

Love with a foreigner is one of the versions of the Cinderella story, based on the firm conviction of many girls that life with an overseas prince (after all, this is how foreign suitors seem to some of us) will certainly serve as a path to a bright foreign future. Take, for example, the story of the poor girl Assol, who faithfully waited for her Gray, or a more modern story about the modest translator from the Russian hinterland Anna and the hereditary baron Paul De Russo from the film "Frenchman".

As the famous song says: “According to statistics, there are nine guys for ten girls.” It is not surprising that many of our compatriots are desperately trying to find their happiness away from home, where the chances of meeting a worthy life partner, in their opinion, increase significantly. According to statistics, every seventh Muscovite seals the knot with a man from abroad. Capital girls give their preference primarily to citizens of Turkey, Germany, Israel, the USA and Great Britain.

Who among us has not started holiday romances with young people from other countries? During the holidays, everything looks perfect, and it seems to us that we are ready to give everything, just so that romantic walks under the moon on warm summer nights and sunrise by the sea never end. However, alas, at some point we have to return to real life, and then in most cases all romance, like, in fact, summer love, comes to an end.

Be that as it may, sometimes resorts with foreigners grow into something more. There are several possible scenarios for the development of events, invites you to consider some of them.

Love stories with foreigners: for your beloved even to the ends of the world.

Of course, most often it happens that it is the girl who becomes the person in the couple who has to accept the offer to move to where her partner lives. Many do it with great pleasure, because they see in this the embodiment of the dream of an overseas prince, and consider their move as an opportunity to start a new cloudless life in another country. For others, this decision is very difficult, because it is not at all easy to leave everything that you have lived for many years.

Love stories with foreigners: romance in your territory.

Much less often, the representatives of the stronger sex decide to move to the country of their beloved. However, if this does happen, then it can hardly be argued that this will be accompanied by less stress for the girl than her own move to a foreign country. As practice shows, not every family is ready to meet an overseas fiance with open arms and accept the fact that they will have to give their beloved daughter to a representative of a completely different culture.

Stories of love with foreigners: a multi-part holiday romance.

Was one holiday romance not enough for you? Why not continue this wonderful tradition? It happens that lovers prefer to meet on neutral territory, and their relationship is built on rare and often not very long meetings in various parts of the globe. Which, you see, carries a certain element of romance and is a kind of perpetual holiday romance with constantly changing scenery, while accompanied by countless SMS and Skype conversations during separation. However, in order to decide on such, lovers must be mobile enough and have a certain amount of time and money to afford to constantly expand the geography of their “dates”.

In any case, a relationship is something that both of you have to work on, whether it's an affair with your compatriot or a love story with a foreigner from a completely different culture. It is quite obvious that the difference in mentality and worldview has not made life easier for anyone. invites you, dear readers, to look at things from a different angle and try to find a positive side in cultural differences: it's so interesting to get acquainted with other people's customs and traditions, especially when you do it together with your loved one!

And here we have prepared even more interesting materials for you!

Why then there is disappointment?

Why did such a topic as marrying a foreigner suddenly become extremely relevant? With Russia's fierce battle for husbands, more and more women are being left out. Firstly, because there is nothing decent left in stock, and secondly, they refuse to take what is. And it is right!

There is always a third option - a foreign husband! We will not consider frank extreme in the form of Zulus-cannibals and representatives of alien religious denominations with the prospect of being eaten or stoned to death. They have their fans. Let's focus on our target audience: middle-class Europeans and North Americans, because they are the majority of those who are ready to marry foreign women.

Why did I take the liberty of acting as an expert? Because I myself went this way, I have been living in Madrid for eight years now and ninety percent of my social circle, and it is quite numerous, is Russian women who are married to a foreigner all over the world. And massively arriving neophytes, who are only going to "catch a big fish", but break on the rocks. We will talk about common truths that come as a surprise to Russians.

Why don't relationships develop already at the dating stage? Because these women bring Russian stereotypes with them.

“How many heifers, how few wallets!”

The first shock after a joyful personal or online acquaintance is the purchase of a ticket to a loved one .... at your own expense. You are not ready? Do you value yourself much more? You can wait until Brad Pitt, now free and hungry for female affection, will fly to you in the Lower Kukui himself. By the way, also an option.

The next unpleasant surprise will be the offer to share the costs. You pay for the entrance to the museum, and he pays for the restaurant. Your chosen one is not necessarily a redneck. He's just so used to it.
Even if he is in love, like the last time, he will definitely ask what you are going to live on and who you will work with when you move in with him. The answer "to work as a wife" will put an end to your relationship.

Attempts to drag him through sales, rolling his eyes at each rag, will not be successful. He agrees that it is very expensive and will quietly pass on. Also, if you are waiting for nice gifts after sex (well, like a subscription fee), you will also most likely fly by. You also participated in sex, so oops ...

You may even become a happy wife, but you will pay for your monthly upgrade in the form of a hairdresser and botox injections. Unless, of course, there is money left after paying taxes, mortgages and heating with Russian gas. Dreams of fur coats, diamonds and weekend flights to Barbados will also have to be left at home. Even if there are funds for it. It's just that they will either be set aside or spent on taxes, mortgages, ... and heating with Russian gas. These entertainments are the privilege of a higher class.

The proposal to take the mother "from the near abroad" and the grandmother from the permafrost regions will be met with a deep misunderstanding. They are not bad children, they are just used to living separately. If your husband agrees to support your retired mother, you are fabulously lucky!

Here is a more or less complete list of what you will NOT get by marrying a foreigner. To this will be added the personal quirks of your chosen one, which would be nice to study before the "Jump with a leaky parachute", that is, your move to your husband.
BUT!!! on the other hand, the number of pluses of the European and American mentality colossally outweighs the minuses. We will talk about them in the next article.

More articles by Olga Martinez can be found on her page

Most people think that marrying a foreigner is like playing roulette: either you hit the jackpot or you end up with nothing. But some girls refuted this stereotype and proved that their marriages turned out to be extremely harmonious. K News talked to four girls who told their stories about how they found their love outside of Kyrgyzstan.

Biktisagul. Married to a New Zealander

- This is not my first marriage. My previous husband, unfortunately, died and I was left alone with my daughter. Soon I flew to Turkey to work.

Our history of acquaintance with the current husband is very romantic. I met Dallas in Turkey, where I worked as a shop assistant. According to his stories, when he saw me, he fell in love immediately. And I did not pay attention to him, but he asked to take me home. And then he invited me on a date. We went to a restaurant and there he proposed to meet.

I used to joke with my friends that I don’t need all these candy-bouquet periods, but I’ll get married right away. I said the same to my future husband and he, oddly enough, agreed. It so happened that I proposed to get married (laughs) and I do not regret it.

Of course, I doubted, hesitated, but my friends and colleagues told me "Do not miss such a man!". Indeed, he was liked by everyone with his gallantry and good breeding. We got married three months later. Dallas came to Kyrgyzstan and we played a wedding here according to all Kyrgyz customs.

I wanted us to gather in a small circle. I planned that 10-20 people would gather. But my daughter insisted that I wear a wedding dress, but my relatives called other relatives, and so about 80 people gathered for the celebration. My girlfriends supported me, called singers and dancers, there was even a toastmaster. He liked everything. So I have a loving husband and family.

My family loves me and almost carries me in their arms. My husband calls me his princess, and I love my husband's parents as my own. Most of all I miss my homeland, its climate and its people.

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Cholpon. Married to an Indonesian

- My husband's name is Riven. We met in Bali when I was vacationing there. In general, we talked for more than six months and recently got married. We are still a young family that is just taking the first steps into the future.

Six months ago it was hard to part with him. I had to go back to school, and he went to his home. But we talked on the Internet and after a few months of such communication, he proposed to me. I agreed, I love him.

Of course, the relatives were shocked when they found out that they would have to intermarry with a foreigner. But it was also difficult for me, it was scary to leave for a foreign country to live forever, and I am still in wild doubts.

The culture here differs only in language, but is similar in many respects. A very patriarchal country and everyone strictly observes traditions. The hardest thing for me is that Southeast Asia is not very sanitary.

I miss Kyrgyzstan. I madly miss Bishkek, relatives, work and home. It's a big stress to leave for another country forever.

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Aisuluu. Married to an American

- My husband and I met in 2008, in Japan. I went to study through a student exchange program. We met at a party with our mutual friends. At first they talked as friends, and later they started dating. Soon he left for the USA, and I stayed in Japan.

When he left, we communicated via the Internet for two years. It was difficult to maintain relationships at a distance, even parted a couple of times. He came to Kyrgyzstan twice. The second time he asked my parents for my hand and put on earrings. My parents were at first against the fact that I was marrying a foreigner, but gradually reconciled. I think they liked him.

The wedding was played twice. First, in Kyrgyzstan, a traditional wedding was held, a nike ceremony was held and all relatives were invited to the holiday. And in the USA they have already done it according to American traditions.

I remember only at the Moscow airport that I realized that I was leaving forever. Then I became very sad and scared.

Upon arrival, it was difficult to adapt to a foreign culture. My husband and I communicated in Japanese because I did not know English. Sometimes they used the wrong translation and took offense at each other. Over time, I learned English and it became easier. The people here are simple, open and polite.

After some time, our son was born. I like the way they raise their children. Children are treated like adults and their opinions are always taken into account. I can spank my son, but for my husband it is wildness. The son is more American than Kyrgyz.

Most of all I miss my parents and food. If my husband finds a job in Kyrgyzstan, we are always ready to return.

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Alika. Married to an Englishman

− My sister and her family worked in Dubai. They invited me, and I liked it there, I decided to stay and find a job.

When I got a job, I met my husband there. Our offices were on the same floor and somehow collided in the morning or when leaving work.

At first they were just friends, invited him to visit Kyrgyzstan for the summer. From that moment we started dating. A year later, he proposed to me. Relatives took the news very easily, except for my mother. It was not easy for her to imagine my life in a foreign country.

I was not afraid to leave Kyrgyzstan for the rest of my life, because when there is a person nearby whom you love and trust, then nothing is scary. Great Britain is rich in its deep history, beautiful architecture. People like to go to theaters, visit historical places. The British have a vague idea about Kyrgyzstan and confuse it with Kurdistan, so you have to draw a map and list all the countries bordering ours.

We are trying to introduce our daughter to the traditions of both countries, to celebrate our Kyrgyz holidays, to cook our dishes.

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Catherine. Married to an Arab

- I met my husband on the Internet, on Odnoklassniki. At first, I didn’t like it, didn’t impress, didn’t even consider him as a life partner, we just talked about nothing once a month. Did not find topics for conversation.

In December 2014, I once again flew to the UAE in search of work, there are a lot of our compatriots here, but like the rest of the world, there was also a crisis here, it was difficult to find a job. December 26, in the evening we met to finally get to know each other live. We had dinner, talked and it seems that we fell in love, it felt like I had known this person for many years. How I didn't see it before, I don't know. The next day he sent my photo to his parents, they liked me right away, only his mother was worried that I did not know Arabic, and was afraid that her son would starve with a foreigner, she thought I could not cook. On the third day, he proposed to me and without thinking, I agreed.

On December 29, we registered the marriage. 4 days of communication, not knowing anything about each other, but I do not regret. When my husband proposed, my parents reacted normally, because I am not a child and have the right to choose my own life partner. Generally blessed.

We had two weddings. The first was secular, in a white dress with a photo shoot. The second Arabic lasted two days and was closed, I only have relatives and friends.

Honestly, living in a foreign country is not scary if there is a strong shoulder and a loved one nearby. You just miss your family and friends. So it remains only to miss and call on Skype with loved ones.

The culture is different, let's start with the fact that the UAE is a Muslim country, but all religions coexist in it. Women are respected here, and the law is on their side. You can't insult anyone's religion here. You can not touch a woman, even by the hand, if she is not yours. You can not live in a civil marriage. Despite a bunch of prohibitions, it’s good here, there is no lawlessness, no dirt, no theft.

We have a little daughter, only 3 months old, of course, the issue of upbringing will be mixed, the main thing is that she would grow up to be a good person. But I give priority to Arab traditions, so that I would live according to Sharia law, and again without imposing.

I want to return to Kyrgyzstan, there are not enough mountains, clean air, coolness and natural products.

The charms of marriage with a foreigner first hand - 9 stories of Russian women about life in a "foreign" marriage

In our age of globalization, marrying a foreigner, and even moving to his country, is no longer as incredibly exotic as in the time of Anna Yaroslavna. And it’s easier to get used to a new life: everywhere there are the same jeans, bathrooms, traffic lights and shops. But this similarity is purely external. Local cultural characteristics do not allow you to relax so immediately, you have to get used to it!

Husband is German

I'm Belorussian. The Germans eat potato pancakes with jam and apple mousse. I still can't bear it. In Belarus, potato pancake is a sacred and necessarily salty dish that is eaten with sour cream and all sorts of sauces. And my mother-in-law is offended that I call her “you”. In their case with the family, this is not a sign of special respect, but, as it were, a non-recognition of it as a member of the family. Like, “I don’t know you, you are strangers to me.” The Germans are also very surprised that I am torn to wipe every wound with vodka. As for Eastern European cuisine, they are amazed at how much we cook when we are waiting for guests or on holidays.

Husband is Turkish

In big cities, Turkey is such a Muslim Europe. Only in the mornings it’s not the bells that ring, but the muezzins scream, you just need to get used to it. I still haven't fully gotten used to it. It is difficult to walk with small children through the streets: it covers with a wave of public tenderness. Here is a real cult of childhood. This is not for show, in families it is even stronger: Turkish children are very pampered, rewarded, squeezed. But it is very easy to go shopping without even knowing the language. Local sellers are so pumped up that they will understand even lowing and gestures - and they will put exactly what they need on the counter.

Almost all women love to cook, and many men too, after Russia this is very striking. Everyone loves to eat no less: the portions are large, there are no barbecue-juice-salad picnics, they carry cooler bags with a huge amount of food. I didn’t have any problems with my husband on the basis of different cultures: he immediately tuned in that he would marry a European and there would be no “give-bring” at the snap of his fingers, if you want coffee, ask out loud or do it yourself. The only battle we had was over an intimate hairstyle. Here it is customary to remove hair baldly, no most modest and short haircuts are recognized, this is dirt. But this battle was before the wedding.

Husband - Ukrainian from the outback

The change of culture was very radical, because not only the country was changing: I moved from the city to the village. Immediately - a new style of communication. I tried to address my mother-in-law by her first name and patronymic. But here only "mom - you." They immediately pulled me up when I called my husband a diminutive name (that is, not an affectionate, but a diminutive one) - well, for example, “Vanka”. “Have you quarreled with him or do you not respect him? Don't talk like that in front of people, otherwise rumors will circulate."

Nothing can be done on Sunday! For me, working and accustomed to the urban way of life, it was a martyr's torment. Postpone cleaning for the weekend, and then - oops, it's already there. And that's all. Then I learned to plan and, to be honest, to bypass the ban. The husband is supportive. There was a funny cultural moment. Taught English tenses with children. There is a sentence: “Who made the birdhouse? - I. - And when did you make it? - On Sunday". The children had cognitive dissonance.

There is very fatty food here: they can serve duck stew with fresh milk, for me this is just horror, horror. So it was here that my husband was forced to get used to my traditions. And I made a mix of this and that. I like. She even taught me to eat.

Husband is Italian

I didn’t have a culture shock in Italy, because before marriage I often went there. Well, there were highlights that surprised Russian wives.

Eating strictly according to the schedule. If a guest has come, it is not customary to dump everything that is out of the refrigerator. Not because they are greedy - it is believed that at non-lunch time a person simply cannot be hungry. And at lunchtime, a polite person will simply never visit anyone or even call, because this is sacred. Guests are offered drinks: aperitif, coffee, water. To feed a person, you need to invite him to lunch or dinner. If you ask an Italian if he wants to eat, he looks at his watch before answering. Food for Italians is everything. But you don’t need to drink to the bottom, you can even not drink at all.

It is not customary to make comments even in the most affectionate and polite form. A hint of a showdown is considered inappropriate behavior. Some, of course, quarrel with neighbors, with relatives, but this usually means a final break in diplomatic relations. Discussing some serious topics and even more so arguing is not welcome. It is customary to nod in agreement to any nonsense that you are told. At first I was surprised: why does everyone always agree with me? Then she disassembled.

This is all from the experience of communication in a small village in Lombardy (one of the most economically developed regions in the North of Italy). In the South, things might be different. But food is sacred throughout Italy.

Husband is Greek

One of the first discoveries is that hot water is not always available, but is heated by a boiler and ends rather quickly. We turn on the heating in winter for an hour or two. Because +18 degrees in the house is quite warm, and you can get used to it. But +15 - quite cold.

They don't swear - they talk about the weather. They don't kill each other - they talk about football. It is they who do not fight in a fit, but talk about politics. It is better for old people to give way to places in public transport. And especially for old women: you will be more whole. Moscow drivers are bunnies compared to Athens ones. In Athens, running a red light, right on the pedestrians crossing the road, is a common thing. Also scold them for not running fast enough.

Do not ask the names of babies under two years old: their name is baby or baby. The name will be given at the christening. Forget about how you want to name your child: he will be named after his father-in-law or mother-in-law. Such an unbreakable tradition. Well, if you want to stand your ground, get ready for war.

What other birthday? Name days - this is a holiday with gifts and congratulations. What is the new year? Christmas! And the most important holiday is Easter. Everyone celebrates it, even atheists.

Husband - Basque

I am Ukrainian. How did our cultures collide? Elementary. Only I eat borscht, because "beetroot is the food of cows." Well, please. In retaliation, I don't cook local food. What? Tortilla? It's soooo hard and only locals can do it. Here, let them do it. On Thursdays we have such a dinner, and on other days of the week something also local is invented and which I also do not cook.

I don't know who talks more about food - Spaniards or Italians. With the cold, the same parsley as in Greece: +18 - it's almost hot. +19 - all windows open and there is a groan that there is nothing to breathe.

Husband is Spanish

Spain surprised me, perhaps, with a more reverent attitude to name days. Some people love them more than the birthday itself. Well, the little things - the holidays are different. A family dinner, when everyone is invited, is Christmas. New Year is so, for young people an occasion to get out to a disco, and on the second of January, if you please, go to work!

Lunch, especially at work, is better with someone. At first it was annoying, but now I normally tell my colleagues, they say, book a place for me in a restaurant. If this is a lunch or dinner according to the card, and not a set lunch, then they order several dishes to share with everyone. Married men, especially those with children, share the hardships of life in half with their spouses. But this is more true for young people, not older than forty years.

Husband is Canadian

Mutual understanding with him is much greater than with Russian men, but I still struggle with some habits. I don’t like it when they sit with closed curtains in the daytime with electric light - here I often come across this. And I also have the “law of surfaces”: what stood somewhere on the floor is not put on the dining table. And the locals are very calm about this: they can pour water into the kitchen sink after washing the floors.

People eat Russian dishes, sometimes I cook them on request. But no one eats caviar, and it's a pity: sometimes you want it, but even a small jar is too much for me alone. And no one drinks cognac except me.

Husband is Japanese

In this country, a foreign wife will never be her own, and this will be demonstrated to her, although not out of spite. She is forever different. And it is more difficult for her to find a job than for a Japanese woman. We'll have to get used to the fact that all the money and all the property - on her husband. He even receives child benefits in a bank account. In general, a Japanese husband must be chosen even more carefully than any foreigner. The wife will be very financially dependent.

It would never occur to a Japanese man to help around the house somehow. Requests will surprise him. He will not take a cup from the table to the sink, even if the man is very kind and loving. At best, he will go for a walk with the children, so that it would be easier for his wife to clean up. It is not customary for wives to help carry heavy bags or give gifts. In fact, in five years you can teach him to help a little - for example, throw dirty socks into the washing machine, but this will require tremendous effort.

When a Japanese husband comes home in the evening, everything should be perfect there: dinner is ready, the house is cleaned, the children are nicely dressed. And no girlfriends in his house! There is a day for friends. If the husband suddenly came earlier than usual, and you are drinking tea with a Japanese friend, the Japanese woman will explode and, constantly bowing and apologizing, will literally run away.

And another detail: the husband and wife hardly talk here, this is normal. At the same time, he may even love her very much, but he has no idea what to talk about. He expresses his love in two ways: either he earns more so that his wife can afford nice personal purchases, or he finds time to stay at home, go somewhere with the whole family for a walk.

Evgenia, 35 years old

married to Andreas, 38, Germany, Düsseldorf

“I never thought that I would marry a foreigner, especially a German. We met in my hometown of Yekaterinburg at a bar party. Andreas turned out to be an engineer; he was on a business trip at one of the Ural factories. I thought it was a great opportunity to practice my English. At that time, I had a rather prejudiced attitude towards Germany and the Germans in particular - perhaps because my grandfather went through the entire war. Our family cherishes the memory of him and cherishes this period of history. Therefore, when Andy asked me on a date on February 23, I refused, as I considered the agreement a manifestation of disrespect for the memory of my grandfather.

After a couple of months, his business trip ended, he left, but our communication continued on Skype: we fell in love with each other already at a distance. Every evening I ran home from work, dressed beautifully, combed my hair and sat down in front of my laptop. These were real dates - the same as at a table in a cafe. I realized that chemistry between people can also arise through a monitor.

For the next two years, we met in different countries where Andy had business trips. My job designing and opening restaurants allowed me to travel frequently, and Andy paid for my trips to his place in full. It was a romantic and passionate period of our relationship, but I wanted more. Almost three years have passed since our first meeting, and only then Andy declared his love to me. This was followed by an acquaintance with my parents, and he formally asked for my hand. My family received him well and were happy for me. Mom even signed up for German courses to communicate with her future son-in-law.

By this point, I was already mentally prepared to move. My attitude towards Germany changed when I first had an internship in Cologne. I liked the country, I saw what Germans are friendly people, what order they have in everything, cleanliness. I moved two of my cats to a new place of residence, with whom I could not part.

On the day of the marriage registration, an hour before the trip to the town hall, Andy refused to go and said that he was not ready to get married.

After moving to Dusseldorf, I lived on a tourist visa, then on a student visa. Germany is a very bureaucratic country: to register a marriage here, you have to go through several stages. One of them is getting a fiancé visa. Andy delayed the paperwork, and I was forced to go home - my student visa had expired. In Russia, at the German consulate, I was refused. Because of this delay, we were separated for a few more months. I was in limbo: the offer had been made, and I was still a fraulein, not a frau. But the main test was ahead. On the day of the marriage registration, an hour before the trip to the town hall, Andy refused to go and said that he was not ready to get married. Maybe I had a presentiment - the day before he was very tense, so I reacted very calmly. I did not have a tantrum, but I began to collect things. It so happened that it was not possible to leave immediately with things and cats. Therefore, I was forced to stay for a few days, and he managed to understand that he had made a mistake and asked for forgiveness. But I still left, explaining that we need to think everything over at a distance.

Five months passed before I returned to Germany again. We signed right away, and the wedding was played a year later.
At first, his family looked at me with apprehension, because in Germany there is still an opinion that all Russians, as it was in the 90s, dream of moving to Europe. Although, for example, I had to give up an expensive car that I had in Russia, now I have a simpler car, and a mink coat, because in my husband’s circle, young people don’t dress like that. Furs, without which the Ural winter is unthinkable, are worn here only by ladies of respectable age.

The Germans are not hospitable people, it is not customary for them to come to their parents' house and climb into the refrigerator. If invited for coffee, then only coffee will be poured. There was a funny incident at Christmas at his parents' house when appetizers were served and I ate a little bit of everything, expecting to be served hot and dessert, but it never came. In Germany, I studied German diligently and briefly worked in a Russian company as a simple administrator. It was my own initiative. Andy fully provides for our family, but I also plan to work. In German families, it is customary to divide everything in half: both income and housework. In our family, we are equal and we make all decisions together.

In July, our son Alexander was born. In Russia, a newborn is not shown to anyone for a month, except for relatives, even in a photo. In Germany, already on the day of childbirth, the husband's relatives crowded into the maternity hospital. I lay exhausted with the child, and they unceremoniously entered the ward and took pictures of us, took selfies against our background. After the release, everything continued. Daily visits, relatives, without taking off their shoes, grab the child, kiss, take pictures. I was just shaking! I snapped at my husband, but he sincerely did not understand me and was offended. The only thing that could be done was to teach them to wash their hands before they take the baby.
Despite different mentalities and characters, we realized that we want to be together. The path to our family was long and difficult, but we both passed the test of the strength of feelings.

Ekaterina, 31 years old

married Takeshi, 50, Tokyo, Japan

In Japan, the cult of the man is supported, the woman is in the background. When they leave the house together, the husband proudly walks in front, and the wife minces after him.

After we moved to Tokyo, we met with his parents not immediately, but several months later. I am grateful to them for their delicacy, they did not rush me and gave me time to adapt to a new place. The meeting took place on neutral territory, in a restaurant. They asked me about my parents, occupations, hobbies. I gave gifts to my Japanese mother-in-law, she especially liked warm woolen socks and an Orenburg downy scarf - it's cool in Japanese houses in winter. She is a very insightful person - she saw that her son started a family and is happy. What else does a loving mother need? Now we communicate warmly, the grandmother loves her granddaughter.

I accepted the way of life that exists in Japan, although it was very difficult for me. The cult of the man is supported here, the woman is in the background. But at home, as a rule, the wife manages everything, including finances, giving her husband a small amount for lunch. But when they leave the house together, the husband proudly walks ahead, and the wife minces after him.

I didn’t understand why I couldn’t go to a cafe with a friend in the evening, because in Moscow after work we always met girls in a restaurant. And Japanese wives go out in the evenings only accompanied by their husbands.

It will be difficult for an impatient person to take root here, he will be annoyed by many things. I don't have Japanese friends, we are too different. In Japan, you have to be part of some kind of community, a collective, otherwise you are not perceived as an equal. I understand that I will not be able to work in Japanese organizations or government agencies. It is almost impossible for a foreigner to get there. I found a way out of the situation: I am getting a higher education at a Russian university, studying remotely and writing about Japan in various publications.

Our joint hobby with my husband is going to restaurants. We love to eat delicious food, and in Japan the cult of food. I also liked the Japanese tradition: bathing in hot springs - onsen.

My husband is more cosmopolitan than traditional Japanese: he travels a lot around the world, he has a broad outlook. Our house is also not traditional Japanese, but European. My husband and I speak Russian, although I study Japanese diligently. Our daughter Victoria is three years old and already speaks both languages.”

Alla, 29 years old

married to Mauricio, 44, Las Vegas, USA

“My husband is a citizen of America, by nationality he is an Ecuadorian, in spirit he is a real Latino. Born and raised in Ecuador in a family of musicians, he graduated from the conservatory with a degree in saxophone. Now he is a musician in the US Army military band.

When we met, I was only 23. But I had two higher educations and a promising job in the marketing department of an international trading company. I made good money, traveled a lot and did not think about marriage at all. Once on vacation in Germany, my friend and I went to a nightclub. A chance acquaintance with Mauricio did not portend anything. We spent a couple of days together and I left. For some time we sluggishly corresponded by e-mail, and suddenly he unexpectedly flew to me in St. Petersburg. I immediately felt that he took me seriously.

Then I went to see him in Las Vegas for a return visit. We spent two fantastic weeks together, became really close. Mauro proposed to me, and I was not ready to give up everything. I replied that I needed to think. On the one hand, I was in love and he did not back down, and on the other hand, my boss painted bright prospects for me in the company. I was torn by doubts. On New Year's Eve, Mauricio sent me a one-way ticket with the words: come - or our relationship will end.

With two diplomas - an economist and a translator - with my ambitions and independent character, I turned out to be an American housewife in Las Vegas

It was a difficult period for me. I had to explain myself to my parents, since they were not aware of my relationship, quit my job. I reassured myself that I could always go back, that, in general, I didn’t lose anything.
After I moved in, we agreed to live together for a few months before getting married. At that time, we still looked at each other with apprehension, rubbed each other. It was inconvenient for me to take money from him, I wanted to work, but I was in the USA on a tourist visa, and I did not have such a right.

When the time came, we decided not to have a big wedding, because our parents are thousands of kilometers away from us. We got married in the best traditions of Las Vegas: a $25 wedding dress, a passer-by as a witness, simple registration. We compensated for the modest ceremony with a luxurious honeymoon in Hawaii and Mexico.

After returning from a trip, reality appeared before me: with two diplomas - an economist and a translator - with my ambitions and independent character, I turned out to be an American housewife in Las Vegas. A house with a pool, a car, a credit card, a lot of free time. Any fairy tale begins to bother when it drags on. I tried to find a job, sent out my resume, but received in response "You do not have an American education for this job" or - for simpler vacancies - "You are very highly qualified for this job." That is, I had two ways - either to get a higher education in America and spend another 5-6 years, or to go to work at McDonald's. Pregnancy saved me from depression. I studied Spanish, went to yoga and wrote a book.

A sore point with my education was resolved when our son was already 2 years old. My diploma from FINEC in economics was recognized by the American education system, although I had to confirm it with a 1.5-year study. But as soon as I started studying, it turned out that I was pregnant again. But that didn't stop me. I'm going to get a job because I don't think of myself as a housewife.

Our family no longer has Russian or Ecuadorian traditions. We live in America and celebrate holidays according to their calendar. And how to combine them, if my husband is a Catholic, he has his own Catholic holidays, and for me the important days of the year are March 8 and May 9. I have strong patriotic feelings, I'm proud to be Russian, so I'm not in a hurry to get American citizenship. At first, we had serious disputes on topics of politics and world history. For my husband, the history of the world is the American version of history. He was convinced that the victory in World War II was entirely the merit of the United States. I introduced him to my grandmother, a war veteran. It was a shock for him to see an eyewitness to those distant events, and even more so to hear about the war firsthand. Now we are trying to avoid these topics.

Sometimes we have difficulty translating, because we speak English among ourselves, and this language is not native for both of us. He thinks in Spanish, and I think in Russian. Any family is a job, whether ordinary or international. I realized it early. The question is whether both partners want to change, whether there is a desire to comprehend each other. Due to age, it is much more difficult for my husband to change something in himself (he is 15 years older than me), and I decided to work on myself more.

It is possible that after Mauricio retires from the military, we will move to his homeland in Ecuador. I really liked this country."

Elena, 48 years old

married to Recep, 56 years old, Türkiye, Alanya

“12 years ago I was vacationing in Turkey. I was 36 years old, I worked as a chief accountant in a large Moscow company, I was married and raised children. I flew to rest for a week alone, but I didn’t look for adventure at all, I even lay on the beach with the tax code in my hands.

He saw me at a national dance concert, saw me in a huge crowd of spectators, found out which hotel I was from. We just talked. Rejep turned out to be a doctor, he also had a family, children. But he acknowledged that his family ties were on the verge of breaking. I felt how lonely he was, it seemed to me that he was looking for a person who would understand him.

My marriage at that time was also bursting at the seams. I was the head of the family, and I also earned money, traveling every day from Podolsk to Moscow. And the husband preferred to spend time on the couch in the company with a bottle of beer. The only thing that kept me close to this person at that moment was the children.

Previously, in disputes with my ex-husband, I had the last word. Now - in our Turkish family - be the main

My Turkish bey (respectful term for a man in Turkey. - Note. ed.) didn’t forget me - he sent text messages, constantly called, and then invited me to visit and immediately took me to his parents. It must be explained that if a Turk is taking you to meet your parents, then his intentions are serious. I was accepted as a daughter-in-law, my father gave me a ring.

With my family it was different. My parents brought me up in strictness, in our family there are certain rules that I follow, although I have long been an adult. When they found out about my affair, my father told me right away that I had to make a choice. Of course, he was sure that I would stay with my husband. My choice came as a surprise to them: I filed for divorce. During this time, I compared the respectful attitude of Rejep towards me and the indifferent, consumerist attitude of my husband. My eyes opened: I realized that I was no longer ready, even for the sake of the children, to endure his drunkenness and aggression. And my parents supported me, my mother said that she would look after the children, and I can go and build my happiness. My children became friends with Recep, my daughter was under his supervision all summer when she worked at a hotel in Alanya.

I moved to Turkey only after his official divorce, and we got married three years later. First, he paid benefits to his ex-wife, then we waited for his daughter to leave to study in another city. All this time, I felt uncomfortable in a new, and even a Muslim country, without having the status of a spouse. In my heart I began to doubt him and thought about returning to Russia, but I decided to talk again, and he, as I felt, began to draw up papers. Now I am a Turkish citizen.

Of course, at first it was difficult for us to understand each other. Language, religion, upbringing - everything is different. I had to give in to each other, although the husband does not know how to apologize. I learned to be silent, not to respond in haste, to avoid sharp corners. We did not have a question of religion, the conversion to Islam was not imposed on me. Previously, in disputes with my ex-husband, I had the last word. Now - in our Turkish family - bey chief. Here it is customary to respect the husband, father, there is no other way. If I leave home somewhere, I ask for leave in advance. My husband is generally sensitive to my absences, it is important for him to see me around all the time. We work together in a medical clinic, he is a doctor, and I have the administrative part of the work.

Yes, I gave up my independence. There was so much freedom in Moscow that I was tired of it. I could come home very late and not report to anyone. Now, in order to go to the theater or to the ballet, I have to develop a whole plan and prepare answers to all my husband's questions in advance. To do this, I organize a group of women and children, buy tickets, rent a bus. The fact is that Rejep is not at all a fan of the theater, it is difficult for him to understand how necessary this is for my Russian soul.

I accepted this new reality and saw that it is so important for a person that he wants to be with me always. Seeing his attitude towards me, I myself wanted to change and changed.

Over the years, we have learned to trust each other, and love has not gone anywhere, it just became calmer. We like to sit in the evening in our living room, and everyone goes about his own business: I write or draw something, he reads his medical literature. We can just be silent, the main thing is to be there.”