How to refuse a man a date. How to refuse a man to tie him up. Obsessive and prone to self-torture

Refuse to bind

How to refuse a man and is it worth it? Is it possible tell him no and even stronger bind to yourself?

Sex is always good when not too fast. If you are too interested in this man, it is better to reject his first invitation to bed. This is especially true when you:

1. The first showed initiative when meeting.
2. Your man belongs to the psychotype "".
3. You know for sure that the other day he is leaving on a long business trip.
4. You know that in addition to you, he already has a wife and a mistress.
5. You know very little about him.
6. You always give yourself to a man "with a soul."

In short, it makes sense to surrender immediately only when, apart from a one-time pampering, you don’t need anything from it.

A moral experiment for the sophisticated

But if it still turned out to be “easy to have fun” with a man, you can make an unexpected discovery for yourself. Turns out it's easy to convert "sex on the first date" into a long-term relationship, but only if... you can plausibly show that you're not interested in your fleeting lover as a permanent partner.

Break the male stereotype that all women are spiritually weak and fall in love from the first "fuck". If you have enough "spirit" for this - even after spending the night with you, your man realizes that he could not fuck you. And if he is aware of this, then, having your phone number, it is likely that he will strive to bring what he started to the "logical" end. Read more about what to remember and how to behave after sex so that there are no fears left and you don’t do stupid things in the book

At the moment you are invited to bed, do a completely harmless thing: look into his head and fool it a little. All this will happen something like this ... When you refuse a man, he thinks something like this: “Yeah, she wants to break down, she is gaining her worth.” Often a man voices this with a banal phrase: “Be simpler, dear!” To which it would be nice to answer: “Simplicity is worse than theft!”

You do not indulge in long and stupid explanations - you challenge him. If he accepts this challenge, then an exciting continuation of the relationship follows. If not, then you just lose this man one day earlier than you could lose him, agreeing to everything “without breaking.”

This article is filled with soul and personal experience. How personal experience affects the value of the proposed materials is described in the video

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» How to refuse a man

How to say no to a fan?

Every woman at least once found herself in a situation where a fan needs to be competently refused. With the sensitivity characteristic of the beautiful half of humanity, women are often afraid to offend, hurt male pride, strive to disperse in a good way, but in the end they have problems. Yes, and boyfriends are different - others do not work and a firm categorical "no". On the contrary, it can cause an ambiguous reaction, from a threat to harm oneself to aggression towards the “beloved”. What is the best way to do it?

Let's look at a few common situations. When choosing a form of refusal, you should pay attention to the psychological portrait of a man and the form of relationships. What will be like death to one, will only provoke another.

For example, there is an intelligent, kind, perhaps shy man who is hopelessly in love with you. They may turn out to be a longtime friend or acquaintance, whose feelings have only now become known. An important criterion here is that a person already takes his place in life and you don’t want to lose him at all or offend him, but it will be dishonest to give false hopes. Whatever his character, this is always the man who is sympathetic in a human way. The positive side is that you can talk with him sincerely: about your feelings; about respect for him; thank you for showing you sympathy or love.

The moment of gratitude for the voiced feelings, albeit not mutual, is very important. He will see that, despite the negative response, his determination and attention were appreciated. So it was not done in vain. In fact, most men are very fond of bringing joy to women. That way you won't discount his deed. Compliments, attention and recognition are important to every woman deep down. Thanks to this person, you had the opportunity to once again feel that you are beautiful, that you are worthy of love, that someone saw you as the best. To be grateful to a person for this or to proudly turn up your nose because he is “not the one” is a matter of attitude. A woman who respects herself is likely to respect the feelings sincerely directed towards her, because she knows perfectly well that she deserves love. So the man who chose her is in her eyes at least a man with good taste. The rejection of the relationship itself must be firm and unambiguous, otherwise a person is able to harbor hope for a long time and get stuck in his love.

But be prepared for surprises too! Your complaisant and good man can do what he has never done before: react impulsively, be offended, flare up ... A person who is not a "ladies' man" needs courage to open his feelings. The answer could be perceived very painfully, then his aggression is a defensive reaction. If you can show at this moment such feminine qualities as wisdom and generosity, then it's time to find them in your heart ... Of course, it is not necessary to support such behavior with external approval. But for yourself to forgive and maintain communication, it may be worth it.

Another reason for the sharp reaction of any man is female pity. Subconsciously, it is always felt. No matter how much the men themselves make fun of this topic, after all, they are not children! An adult person can quite cope with his rejected feelings himself and survive the rejection. To pity him means to recognize him as dependent and, in a sense, small in comparison with you. It is fair that it hurts the sense of dignity. You should not console men as your girlfriends. Such behavior will be supported only by someone who is just ready to be a “girlfriend” or “eternal child”, but not a “reliable shoulder” among your acquaintances.

The next reason for the sharpness to your “no” is that this person is actually not so kind and good. Many mentally ill people do not look at all like hardened criminals in life, until you find yourself in their power, but rather like nice and likeable people. The displayed aggression may simply be the “true face” shown to you for the first time. Women's instinct, observation and calm analysis help to understand the real character of a person and his motives, so do not immediately get lost in emotions and try to assess the situation.

Another option to scare away a hopelessly in love man is to radically change his behavior for the worse in order to stop liking him. Each girl notices dozens of details that are unpleasant for this person. But this technique does not always work.

An important aspect should be highlighted here ... You need to act differently if a man seems to fit the description above, obsessively pursues you, and at the same time you treat him rudely. Moreover, the more categorical refusals and dismissive behavior, the more he becomes attached and loves. This type of behavior in both men and women has its background in childhood, but we will not dwell on them here.

To get rid of him, you should be nice, attentive and caring. This does not mean answering “Yes” instead of “No”, but simply communicating on occasion in a similar manner. Soon he himself will leave to look for a new "aggressor" for the role of a lover. And you will have a reason to wonder why he chose you, especially if this is not the first time. Masochists are always subconsciously trying to find those who will hurt them. Perhaps in your attitude towards people there is initially too much neglect, cruelty or selfishness?

The next scenario is not so simple at all. The fan imposes his society, tires with the manifestation of feelings (calls, sms, gifts, constant "random" meetings, etc.). You have already answered “no” several times, but he stubbornly perceives this as “yes, but later” and female coquetry. An important role here is played by gender stereotypes, which such a person most likely shares and extends to all women in his life. He does not intend to disappear from your life, considering his persecution "a process of conquest."

Even if there is an initial interest, such obsession can completely discourage the desire to communicate with time. Not a single person wants to be deprived of his freedom of choice, and such obsession with the object of attraction is justifiably scary. Both a new person in life and an ex who wants to return the relationship can become an obsessive boyfriend. There are several options here.

First of all, take care of yourself. If you, saying “No” to men, smile sweetly, shoot with your eyes, flirt and charm, then on a subconscious level it really is such a “no”, which is “yes”. He may be confused or take your refusal literally as an offer to win me. There is a phenomenon of incongruence - inconsistencies, in this case, the information transmitted by you through different channels of communication. People perceive at the verbal (verbal) level only 10-15% of information. This will be your no. The rest is read non-verbally: about 30% through the auditory channel (intonation, tempo, timbre, voice power); about 60% through visual (facial expressions, gestures, posture, body position, etc.) and tactile channels.

At the same time, the ability to flirt with the help of gestures, facial expressions, voices, and so on in many women is almost innate and often unconscious (unintentional), so you should watch yourself. When you say "No", your demeanor should confirm the seriousness of the words, not refute them. Demanding a man to leave himself alone by sending signals of interest on a non-verbal level is not very fair. He himself will not necessarily understand what is happening, but he will be attracted to you as a potential object of passion.

Here are some flirting gestures:

shaking hair;
demonstration of the wrists;
swinging the hips;
a sideways glance;
cross-legging in a feminine manner and playing with a shoe;
slightly open mouth, licking lips, bright lipstick;
intrusion into the intimate zone (15-50 cm around the body);
chest intonations in the voice;
touches "accidentally" and so on.

If you like a person, all this, of course, should be used to attract his attention. But if you want to get rid of an obsessive boyfriend, try to exclude such behavior next to him.

And yet, it may not be entirely up to you. Arrogant fans are unlikely to understand any other refusal, except as convincingly categorical. If he sees that you hesitate, are not sure, he will begin to insist and put pressure, wanting to influence the decision. When there is not enough confidence, figure out if this person is really not interesting to you or you have not decided yet and therefore act evasively?

If there is no interest, first gather yourself internally, then talk to him. Many women are afraid to show aggression and stand up for themselves, so as not to look “not beautiful”, “embarrassing”, they wait until “he guesses”. Do not be afraid to hurt someone else's feelings, adamantly and directly ask such a person to leave your life, explain that nothing will work and that you will not change decisions. The conversation should not be dragged out, drawn into a showdown. You don't have to give reasons.

Most likely, being tough is the only way to be heard by such a person. Even if you are soft and delicate, try to play the role cold-bloodedly. After a decisive refusal, ignore attempts to communicate with you. As a last resort, you can ask a friend to play the role of a lover so that the boyfriend understands that you are busy. Or tell your brother, father, uncle about the situation - there is nothing shameful in asking for help when the attention becomes already obsessive. In addition, making a man angry by showing attention to a woman dear to him is much more dangerous than pestering a defenseless woman. Your boyfriend understands this very well.

Be prepared that if a man is touchy and not distinguished by nobility, he is able to say quite a lot of unpleasant things to you personally or to mutual acquaintances. After gentle courtship for a woman, this becomes a real surprise. This only says that the man’s self-esteem is unhealthy, the refusal was perceived as a personal insult, now he is trying to humiliate you. So, you acted very wisely, excluding him from your life now, and not later. There should be no place for guilt. Some people have one unsightly property: if they cannot get what they consider desirable, they automatically look for a way to devalue it in their eyes, put it in an unsightly light in order to reduce their stress level. Fear of public opinion should not interfere with your happiness in your personal life. Moreover, only those who live at this level will support such gossip.

A few words need to be said about "pick-ups". What distinguishes them from ordinary men who know spectacular methods of dating and communication is their rejection of a woman as a person, which allows them to treat her only as an object of self-affirmation. Under this attitude, a number of complexes and negative experience are hidden, but this does not make it easier for the affected girls. It is also not easy to roll off such a gentleman, since he is inclined to change strategy; appear and disappear, picking up the "key" to you. An important guideline is such that you will not leave the feeling of duality, even if everything is perfect in words. There will be a feeling that you are being lifted up to heaven and made to feel great; then they “lower” in some trifles, “cling” emotionally and there is a desire to prove to the man what you are worth. If you experience similar discomfort from the attention of a particular fan, refuse to communicate without delay. Such inconsistent behavior is a strong anchor. Over time, you may be surprised that you began to miss a person who initially did not cause sympathy. Don't give him time to find your vulnerabilities.

Finally, the last option is the obsessive courtship of an unfamiliar man. Such situations occur in transport, on the street, in a restaurant, etc. The best option is to say that you are not interested once, and then ignore it. You can wear headphones; say that you are very tired and want to rest. It’s good if your voice remains confident and cool so that the man understands that further communication does not promise him anything but wounded pride. After several attempts to strike up a conversation, a more or less adequate person will leave you alone.

In the case of rudeness, which every girl is familiar with, do not be rude in response (you are being provoked), remain calm and cool, change your place. When asked why you don’t want to get acquainted, you can improvise: you don’t have time, but you have a jealous karate husband, and you are now eating from the club of Jehovah’s Witnesses - you can invite him there too! This, of course, is a joke, but ingenuity sometimes helps not only to ward off unpleasant subjects, but also to cheer yourself up with humor.

A special situation with citizens under the influence of alcohol or other doping: if you “be smart” with them, this can provoke and provoke aggression; if you ignore them, then how lucky. At the very least, try to respond little, maintain a peaceful soft tone to any of his comments (really friendly, not feigned), until you get to a place where you can get away from communication or ask for help.

If the boyfriend literally pursues you, do not panic, evaluate the situation and your possible actions. In any institution or shopping center, you can threaten to call security, go in search of her. If possible, visit places with a well-functioning security system. Don't isolate yourself from people. Don't run if it's too late to do so. Running will only turn on the feeling that you are defenseless. Defiantly dial a loved one or friend on the phone and give your coordinates, describe what the pursuer looks like: if he hears everything, only better. If you are approached at night on the street, be sure to immediately shine a flashlight or mobile phone in your face, making it clear that you remember the features well. Of course, the unique situation determines the action. But the very fact that you are able to ask for help, testify, are not afraid to look funny, call for help, cools the ardor of many inadequate personalities. Most of them prefer to deal with the classic "victims". But women often waste precious time hoping that everything will work out.

The main factors that prevent you from protecting yourself are shame and fear. About shame: a normal man will always understand a woman's desire to take care of herself in an incomprehensible situation, even if you made a mistake about him. Prioritize - don't look stupid or get hurt? As for fear: you need to realize your readiness to cause real harm to another person in an extreme situation, as well as to attract attention with noise and screaming. It is for women that the psychological barrier is not easy to remove, but necessary. Be sure to get acquainted with the techniques of physical and psychological self-defense - not everything is decided by brute force.

A simple understanding that you are not afraid and not ashamed to stand up for yourself, do not provoke, you know the elementary rules of self-defense already partly removes the feeling of a “defenseless passive victim”, which such people calculate by their gait, look, voice ... As practice shows, such women are more often chosen as a target. Scroll through the options in your head “what could I do in this or that situation”, consult with the men you know, because this knowledge will not become superfluous! And yet, let them be useful to you only for the growth of self-confidence!

From time to time, we all find ourselves in a situation where we need to refuse a person. Definitely tell him no.

But this rejection is not always easy. Sometimes, surprising ourselves, we say “yes” instead of “no”. Most often, such situations occur in communication with men. Especially when the relationship is just starting or when they are going through a crisis.

Women do not know how to refuse a man correctly. Not because they are reliable and ready for any concessions. Because no one taught them. There is a misconception that once you refuse a man, you can lose him forever. How many women have been ruined by this delusion! How many were forced to do something that they later regretted ...

Women, more than men, tend to give in and are sensitive to what others might think of them. With their refusal, they are often afraid to offend a man, hurt his pride. As a result, such good intentions bring problems on their heads. A woman too often says "no" guiltily and uncertainly. He tries to justify himself, offers to agree on a compromise option and remain friends. As a result, the man does not take her refusal seriously. And he tries with all his might to convince a woman, sometimes even to intimidate or insult. How to refuse a man correctly? There is one simple and effective way. Let's find out which one.

Often, women tend to think for a long time "how to refuse a man." Their tormented by questions: “How can he say this? What will he think of me? How will he react to my words? And this is one of the most important mistakes women make - they worry more about him than about themselves.

Believe me, you should not get hung up on the question of what will happen after your “no”.

Think about yourself—your desires, your opinions, and your expectations. You have the right to decide whether you want to meet this man, whether you are ready to negotiate with him and under what conditions, whether you need him. And no one can impose themselves on you.

If you value and love yourself, then the question of how to refuse a man will be solved very easily for you. You just answer no.

If self-love is not all right yet, do it. Calmly say no. No need to justify. Or vice versa - to blame: “How dare you offer me such a thing ?!” If you don’t want to offend a man with a refusal, simply say “no”.

If you doubt your resolve or are afraid to start making excuses - try to say "no" and leave. Especially if you understand that you can be persuaded to change your mind and force you to comply. Say that simple short word "no" and walk away.

Then you will not, with your guilty look, provoke a man to turn your “no” into a “yes”. After all, your confused face gives a man hope and excitement. And he thinks: "Nothing, nothing, I'll persuade her now." So, in order not to tempt a man once again, say the word "no." Pronounce it confidently and easily. And on this the problem of how to refuse a man will disappear by itself.

By the way, if you are required to explain, remember that you have every right not to give them. “No” is the magic word, it can protect you from problems. No wonder they say - no, and there is no trial. Learn to appreciate yourself and your desires. Don't be coaxed into doing something you don't want to.

Did you land on this page by accident?

The ability to say “no” is just as important for a girl as mastering the basic skills of applying makeup, combining colors in a wardrobe, and preparing a more or less hearty dinner. And if you can still somehow manage without the latter, then, having no idea how to refuse a man and not ruin your relationship with him, you can seriously complicate your life.

Giving a turn to an annoying passenger sitting on the next seat in public transport is one thing, but refusing a date for the son of a mother's friend is already completely different. You can’t dismiss him like an annoying fly with a strong word or a magazine. You won’t get off at the next stop and disperse like ships at sea - you will meet again and have casual conversations about the weather. Classmates, classmates, work colleagues, neighbors and acquaintances - denying intimacy to these men, like it or not, but you have to show tact.

Not knowing how to politely refuse a man, women often make such mistakes. Source: Flickr (greta_marlene)

How not to refuse a man if you don’t want to ruin your relationship with him

1. Show intemperance and rudeness.

Of course, you are already tired of his obsessive attention and have every right to personal space. But any insolence is unacceptable. First, because you are a girl. Do not spoil your image in the eyes of other potential boyfriends. And, secondly, think about it: since he chose you for the role of the object of his adoration, then he has at least one quality that deserves due respect from you - good taste.

2. Get personal and focus on his shortcomings.

The fact of refusal in itself is a serious blow to pride, which can for a long time discourage a guy from approaching girls closer than a cannon shot. Therefore, do not exacerbate the situation and try to honestly explain what the matter is. Believe me, if this is not a narcissist in front of you, then he himself is well aware of his shortcomings.

3. Regret.

If you are dealing with an adequate and sane guy, then pity is the last thing he would like to read in your eyes. Trying to regret and console, you will only make it worse - his manhood will be trampled on.

Not knowing how to politely refuse a man, women often make such mistakes. After that, many of the object of sympathy turn into an object for mockery and ridicule. A wounded male ego is a serious enemy, so it is better not to fight with him.

How to mitigate rejection and get dry out of the water?

If you are worried about how to politely refuse a man, prepare phrases that will help steer the conversation in the right direction in advance. There can be many options here, the main thing is to follow the basic 3 principles:

1. Speak persuasively.

A frank conversation is, of course, not a business report, but any of your words should sound just as confident and clear. Often men do not accept refusal just because it sounds completely unconvincing.

This is interesting! Psychologists assure us that how we speak matters more than what we say. Verbally (that is, through words), the interlocutor perceives no more than 15% of the information. The remaining 85% are read through non-verbal signs - intonation, voice timbre, body position, facial expressions, gestures, etc.

It is very difficult to convince a guy that you are not on your way if you use all kinds of female tricks during a conversation. You don’t need to straighten your curls, cross your legs, show off your neck and wrists, play with a shoe - in this case, the boyfriend will certainly regard your “no” as “yes, but later.”

Another taboo is to invade the intimate zone of a man. No need to try to sweeten the pill with touches, hugs and friendly kisses. Before starting a conversation, make sure that the distance between you is at least 50 cm. Otherwise, on a subconscious level, your actions will be perceived by a man as a game of cat and mouse, and then do not expect him to leave you alone.

2. Don't feed on promises.

When choosing the right phrases before refusing a guy, immediately cross out sentences with something like this:

"I'm not ready for a serious relationship yet."
"Let's not now."
"Let's not rush things."
“Perhaps I will think about it,” etc.

It is unlikely that in this way it is possible to cool the feelings of a man in love, rather, on the contrary - these words will only provoke him. It is not easy to refuse, but by delaying the moment of truth, you will bring even more torment to both him and yourself. Do not know how to refuse a person without offending him? Be honest with him, at least as far as your real intentions are concerned. Lying for good in this case is the worst thing that can be.

Try to be polite and sensitive, but at the same time categorical and inexorable - this is the only way you will be able to protect your personal space and not offend the guy. Source: Flickr (CEBImagery)

3. Provide a good reason.

The question of how to politely refuse a guy is easier to solve if you manage to argue your decision. Do not leave him at a loss and explain what the matter is, then you will have a much better chance of maintaining a friendly relationship. The main thing is that this reason should be:

respectful;
believable (banal excuses are no good if you really don’t want to offend him);
neutral (did not depend on him and had nothing to do with his personal qualities).

How to refuse a man so as not to offend him? Choose one of several options:

"I never have an affair at work, sorry, but it's a matter of principle."
"I'm sorry, but my heart is not free."
“You are really very good, but I only like calm homebodies, what can you do,” etc.

There can be any number of such reasons, it all depends on the specific situation. The main thing is that they correspond to all three parameters, which were discussed above.

Important! Psychologists know how to refuse a guy without offending him - start a phrase with a compliment. It should be sincere and touch on some strength of character, not appearance. So, one can note his courage, determination, determination, strength and assertiveness - in general, everything that can be considered a manifestation of masculinity.

Here is what you can say in response to a confession: “I am really amazed at your courage, not everyone can talk so openly about their feelings. Only truly strong men are capable of such an act. Sorry, but I already have a young man and I am sure that such a wonderful man like you will also soon have a worthy girlfriend.

How to deal with a rejected man after an awkward conversation?

As a rule, one episode of a showdown is enough for the guy to no longer return to this issue. But if you had to deal with a particularly persistent boyfriend, then you won’t be fed up with words alone - you will have to back them up with real actions. Here's what you can do to cool the ardor of an assertive gentleman and at the same time not ruin your relationship with him:

1. Ignore.

You've explained everything and you've been as accurate as possible. Now you are not responsible for his experiences. Do not try to be nice, fawn and try to compensate for his hurt feelings with your attention. Reduce your communication to a formal level. Be kind but detached.

2. Show your chosen one.

If you really have a young man, let him show himself to the eye of an admirer in love a couple of times. Everyone around should know that your heart is busy. If you don't have one yet, ask a close friend to play this honorary role. After all, it is one thing to impose your society on a defenseless girl, and quite another to risk facing an angry man one on one.

Feelings that we cannot reciprocate can bring a lot of unpleasant emotions. This is always a game on the edge and when the cards are revealed, not everyone manages to maintain good relations. Try to be polite and sensitive, but at the same time categorical and inexorable - this is the only way you will be able to protect your personal space and not offend the guy. Well, if nothing comes of it, and the relationship is completely ruined, don't worry too much. In the end, your own peace of mind is much more important than other people's fantasies.