What should be the correct upbringing of a teenager. Raising a boy. The role of father and mother

Did you think changing diapers and staying awake at night with the incessant crying of a baby is the most difficult thing for a parent? How wrong you were! Compared to raising a teenager, the problems of infancy are just a fun walk in the park. Raising a baby, you just need to strictly follow a set of certain rules. In raising a teenager, it is necessary to constantly adapt your parenting principles and methods to the physical, intellectual and emotional changes taking place in the child. The methods of your upbringing at this stage should change dramatically.

Be a parent, not a buddy

Forget about being your daughter's or son's girlfriend. This is not at all what a teenager needs. True friendship will come later, in ten years. Of course, you need to maintain spiritual intimacy, but friendship does not help this at all. Of course, you can say to a teenager: “You can tell me everything, I won’t judge you.” But what will you do if a teenager tells you something really dangerous for him and you have to condemn him? Yes, it is necessary to talk with a teenager on any topic, but do not promise that you will support him in any endeavors.

Be firm in your principles, values, and code of conduct. And expect resistance. The reality is that adolescence is a time of dangerous experiments. Blame it on biology. That part of the brain that is responsible for making decisions in a teenager is still being formed. But the part of the brain that promotes impulsivity, on the contrary, experiences a burst of activity. Simply put, it is difficult for a teenager to make the right decisions and be guided by common sense. Well, the task of the parent to help him with this is to do some of the work for him. A teenager must understand: you are his mother, not a girlfriend, and with all the openness of the relationship, if the mother says “no” to something, then this means a firm “no”.

Keep up with progress

YouTube, Blue-Tooth, DJs, emo... Can't you just spend your time on something more interesting, right? No, it's wrong. If your children are interested in it (and they are interested in it), then you should be interested too. Only not in order to secretly read their messages, but in order not to lose emotional connection with them, and just connections in the technical sense of the word. Keep that connection alive by sending some funny little postcards to your child's phone from time to time. This will help you unobtrusively stay in touch. And on sites like "Odnoklassniki" ask the child for authorization (add to "friends"). This will give you an idea of ​​what your child is interested in, what information and photos he posts on the public network.

Accept that your taste is outdated

When Elena's 13-year-old son Andrei wanted to get his eyebrow pierced, she was horrified. But then she tried to see it for what it is - this is just an organic part of what is called "being a teenager." And she not only allowed her son to get pierced, she did it for herself. Did she do the right thing? Who knows... Probably right. A teenager experiments with new hairstyles, clothes, music, friends to find his place in this world and understand who he is. His external image reflects his internal state of searching for himself. It is important, as far as possible, not to interfere with him in this, if in other cases his behavior is acceptable: he gets good grades, has no problems with the law, and complies with moral standards. Grit your teeth and support him in experiments. True, if a teenage girl begins to wear too revealing provocative outfits, then parents should intervene, as this can be dangerous for her.

Use differences in your tastes as a forum for dialogue. Instead of wincing at the music your child is listening to, say, “Oh, this is something new!” (no sarcasm in voice). Ask him to explain what he likes about this kind of music. If you retain the ability to remain calm at the sight of all these frightening experiments, then you deserve your child, he will not need to hide from you in dark alleyways, which means that you can still control his behavior.

Grow thick skin

When your baby was 5 years old, he most likely kissed and hugged you at the slightest provocation. Now, at the age of 15, he becomes a completely different child, who seems to have nothing to do with you, and it’s completely unrealistic to make him kiss you. And this applies not only to boys, but to the vast majority of girls too. Although it is depressing, try not to take it personally. It will soon pass.

In the meantime, keep in mind that you are in no way to blame for this, this is the choice of the teenager himself. At his age, your very existence makes him seek more independence. As sad as it may be to hear this, the opinion of his friends is now more important to him than yours. In order to maintain his social status, he must apparently disown you (although deep down he still needs you very, very much). Therefore, your main mission now is to take on all of his teenage mood swings, fears and. This is somewhat similar to his preschool years: the baby may have grown up and has a larger vocabulary, but he goes through the same stage of entering the big world. Therefore, endure teenage whims in the same way as toddlers endured before. Let your child know that you are always ready to receive and comfort him - but keep your distance.

Don't spy

In the vast majority of cases, it's best to stay away from your teen's personal belongings. Even if you find during the “search” something forbidden or unacceptable for you, the teenager will focus his attention not on what What you found bad how you found it. And the forbidden fruit in this case will become even sweeter. If you are concerned about your child's behavior or suspect that they may have some dangerous items or records, it is always best to ask directly about it. Your child may deny all the concerns you express, but he will still understand that you care about him and that you are concerned about his behavior. After such a conversation, wait a while to see if the child's behavior changes or if the child comes to you with a confession or for advice himself. But if your child's behavior continues to bother you for a long time, or if your anxiety symptoms get worse, it may be worth looking through your teen's personal belongings. Yes, this will undermine his trust in you for a while, but his safety is more important in this case.

Don't assume that he or she "never will"

Most parents, looking at their children, see perfect angels. But reality has nothing to do with our perception. No matter how well your children are brought up or what values ​​your family holds in life, the chances that your teenager does something that you do not approve of are very high. This is confirmed by statistics: three-quarters of teenagers have already tried smoking by the 11th grade, about the same number have tried smoking, one in five teenagers admits that he has ever posed in the nude. And it's still "flowers" in comparison with sex and drugs. But try interviewing parents, and these numbers will become microscopic, because few parents will agree that their child is included in this statistic. Parents who say, “Not my child!” only see what they want to see, not what they should.

So stop pretending to be an ostrich hiding your head in the sand and discuss with your teenager all the possible unpleasant aspects that may be part of his life. Don't be afraid that discussing things that are taboo will somehow encourage your teen to try them. On the contrary, the more frankly you discuss various aspects with your child, the closer the emotional connection between you, and this, according to psychologists, is the best guarantee of a teenager's safety, protecting him from risky behavior.

The upbringing of the younger generation is an important task of modern society, which is part of the modern policy of the state. The future of the country depends on how effectively it will be solved. After all, the establishment of a legal state with democratic foundations is impossible without the education of a spiritually rich, socially responsible and healthy person.

The upbringing of the younger generation implies the purposeful work of teachers, psychologists, sociologists and parents.

Each age stage of personality formation is characterized by features, difficulties and priorities. Adolescence is no exception.

This is one of the most difficult periods in the development of a young person. Peculiarities of educating teenagers are that young people who strive for active independence, who consider the authority of their peers higher than their parents, begin to rebel against all the rules they know.

This period is difficult for both the child and the parents.

Puberty

The period of personal formation in adolescence is usually divided into 3 stages:

• Early period (from 12 to 14 years old);
• Medium (from 14 to 16 years old);
• Late (from 16 years old).

Note that the complexity of the transitional age lies in physiological reasons. During this period, puberty and the formation of secondary sexual characteristics occur.

Every child is different, so puberty happens at different times. As a rule, in girls it begins earlier (at 11-12 years old), in boys a little later (by 12-13 years old). Menstruation appears in girls, boys are faced with ejaculation. An intensive growth of muscle and bone mass begins, the development of internal organs lags behind a little.

This uneven development causes circulatory disorders, so children feel weak, dizzy, and cold extremities can be felt.

All these new manifestations of the body cause causeless irritability, mood swings, stubbornness.

Adults should be attentive to children during this period, correctly selecting and using methods of educating adolescents.

It has been noticed that the upbringing of a teenager is more difficult in families where there is only one child. This period is difficult for children, who every year become more mature and independent, and for the parents themselves. As a rule, it is more difficult for adults to endure it, although it depends on the wisdom of their decisions how long this period will be. Appreciating and loving the child as he is is the main task of moms and dads.

Consider the manifestation of the age crisis in stages.

Early adolescence

At the age of 12, the character of the child is practically formed. The former baby turns into an adult. In any case, he thinks so. The child needs independence.

Certain changes occur in the body that affect behavior: unreasonable aggression and irritability appear.

A twelve-year-old man is not yet an adult, but not quite a child either. How parents will react to the manifestation of his age-related changes will depend on his attitude towards himself and others.

During this period, parents should talk about the changes that are taking place and will take place in the growing body. The child must be ready to become an adult soon. Explain that all people go through these changes, and parents are no exception.

12 is usually the age of first love. However, changes in the hormonal sphere do not always correctly allow you to respond to the object of your sympathy. Boys, instead of gallant courtship, can often show aggression. It is important for parents to prevent such manifestations by having an explanatory conversation.

Note that for many young men, puberty may occur later (at 13 years old, or even at 14 years old).

In any case, already at this age it is necessary to connect the upbringing of adolescents and sexual desire, which develops as they grow older.

As for the upbringing of girls, it should be noted the important role of the mother, who should always be with her daughter during this difficult period. Much will depend on how trusting relations between them are.

It is important to unobtrusively be interested in who the children are friends with, how their friends behave. By giving freedom to children, to exercise unspoken, imperceptible control for them.

Signs of a transition period at 12-13 years old:

• The teenager ceases to be interested in learning;
• Often violates discipline, shows disrespect for elders and aggression;
• Complexes and self-doubt develop;
• Behavior is difficult to control.

Raising the younger generation during adolescence is a difficult task for adults. It is important for them to be patient, try to be there when the child needs it. To respond to the aggression of a teenager with affection, talk, find out, accept and understand. And then at the age of 14, when the child becomes even older, there will be no abyss of misunderstanding between adults and children.

Average crisis period

Looking at a grown-up boy or a mature girl, parents understand that their child is no longer a child. He is practically an adult and mature person. The age of 14-15 years can rightfully be considered the peak of adolescence. The kid turns into an adult with his aspirations and dreams. That's just how to behave at the same time, what to do and how to be at the age of fourteen, he still does not understand. Rudeness, restlessness, the desire to remake the world and everyone around, confidence in the complete misunderstanding on the part of adults haunt young people, causing serious psychological problems.

Are they that difficult?

Children who react sharply to all age-related changes are called difficult teenagers. Why are they called that?

Raising troubled teenagers is no different than raising other kids of the same age. They just need a little more attention and understanding. After all, starting to smoke, drink alcohol and drugs, breaking the law, children at the age of 14-15 first of all want to draw attention to themselves. They want to become equal individuals who will be reckoned with.

To educate a difficult teenager, you need to start by finding out the reasons that encourage him to behave in this way. Perhaps he does not find support in the family, or maybe at school they humiliate him and do not accept him as a person.

Why do difficult teenagers appear? What contributes to this?

• An incomplete family that cannot set an example of harmonious relationships;
• Constant conflicts of parents on any issues: personal relationship, material component, raising a child.
• In the process of growing up children, parents often used corporal punishment, which caused a response and an aggressive attitude towards others;
• Lack of emotional attachment between adults and adolescents;
• Parents did a lot (overprotection) or little (lack of education) in childhood;

Thus, we can conclude that the occurrence of "difficult" behavior in adolescents aged 14-15 is directly related to their parents.

A psychologist can help you cope with this difficult situation. After all, the upbringing of children in the family was not crowned with success.

It will take a long time to change the behavior of boys and girls. Adults need to understand that parenting changes will be gradual and continuous.

A psychologist will teach a teenager to believe in himself again, in the respect and love of others. It will show the possibility of self-realization in various fields: education, art, sports. Develop the ability to make strong-willed decisions. After all, the education of the will is an important component of work with difficult young men and women.

It is important at this stage of personality formation to instill healthy lifestyle skills, because bad habits are unlikely to contribute to the harmonious development of personality.

Tolerance and teenager

The upbringing of the younger generation is closely connected with the concept of tolerance.

In adolescence, when the ridicule of others causes serious psychological trauma, a young person can be on either side of the barricades.

Note that intolerance towards another person can be based on national, religious, social, and gender differences. At school age, features of appearance, interests, habits and hobbies become the subject of ridicule.

The education of tolerance in adolescents forms the skills of independent thinking, critical reflection on judgments. It is based on moral principles instilled in children.

In education, the use of methods and techniques for the education of tolerance is necessary. To do this, you can use the works of classical literature and films. Dialogue forms of work are very effective.

The success of work on the development of tolerant behavior in boys and girls at the age of 15 depends on how competently the education of mercy is carried out among younger students.

Hygiene is an assistant to a healthy lifestyle

The upbringing of the younger generation also affects hygiene issues. .

As already noted, the body of a child from 12 to 15 years old undergoes strong changes. Hormonal surge contributes to changes in the whole organism. Therefore, the hygienic foundations of the physical education of children and adolescents should become an important part of general education.

The main role in hygienic education is played, of course, by the family. The foundations of hygiene are laid in early childhood and are of paramount importance throughout the entire period of growing up.

In addition to the basic hygiene rules that the child mastered in early childhood in the family, systematic work should be carried out at school, revealing the essence of the relationship between hygiene and health.

Hygienic education of children depends on the level of training of teachers and parents. Assistance in this matter will be provided by the school doctor or nurse, whose duties include health education and health education.

In order for hygiene education to be successful, it is necessary to organize the correct sanitary and hygienic environment, as well as demonstrate one's behavior as an example.

The sanitary and hygienic condition of the house in which children live must be controlled by pedagogical institutions and comply with sanitary and hygienic standards.

In custody.

Not always a large amount of time spent communicating with a teenage child will be beneficial. You can endlessly read notations, talking about how and what to do. Only in this case the problem of transitional age will not be solved. It is possible to help a maturing personality when the educator himself possesses the qualities that he wants to instill in his child.

A child needs to be loved, heard, understood. Or at least try to do so.

Every family is familiar with the situation when the period of time of a naughty teenager comes. This is the transitional age of the child. It is important not to miss it, so as not to encounter problems in more serious formats in the future. After all, I want the child to understand the events in life, perceive everything correctly and be able to use the advice of older people.

How to raise a teenager? This is the most pressing and important issue that arises in every family with children. Most often, parents begin their upbringing by explaining why the child's behavior is wrong and how it will threaten him in the future. But in most cases, ordinary educational conversations and conversations will not give any result. And that's where the upbringing of a difficult adolescence stops, because the parents think they can't fight this behavior. But who, no matter how mom and dad, should help the child and direct him in the right direction?

Formation of habits and skills

You can hear about how to properly educate teenagers from any psychologist. Most scientists have hypothesized that the brain of a child is very plastic. And since childhood, it will change from external events, factors. The child will adapt to this or that situation. And on the basis of this, habits and skills will be formed that are difficult to break in the future.

With age, the brain is no longer so plastic, but it can develop. And this is the key point that needs to be used. Therefore, it is important not to miss the moment of correcting behavior in adolescence. After all, sometimes it happens that this period is the last chance to create and strengthen the nervous system of a teenager, the correct manners of his behavior. All this will have an impact on the future life of your maturing child.

Sensitivity and emotionality of adolescent children

The question of how to raise teenage children is asked by every ordinary parent. It is important to know that at this age children become very sensitive, prone to frequent emotional breakdowns. All this happens in their head. This is where the danger lies, because it is impossible to immediately understand how actively the brain works and what is happening there. In adolescents, the part of the brain that is responsible for emotions is activated. The matter is aggravated by the fact that the part of the brain that contributes to the adoption of sane decisions is only developing. Hence the impulsive behavior, and mood swings, and much, much more.

It is necessary to find out in advance how to properly educate teenagers so that there are no problems later. For each child, it is necessary to select an individual approach that suits specifically his character, manners of behavior.

Ways of educational influence

A child often wants to experience some kind of joy, some kind of emotion. But children do not always understand that emotions can be not only positive, but also negative. Therefore, in the case of negative feelings or a negative situation, a teenager will not be able to do the right thing. It is important for parents to know what are the ways of educational influence on children and adolescents. At least five different methods can be distinguished:

• belief;
• exercises and training;
• learning process;
• stimulation method;
• Be sure to monitor and evaluate behavior.

Each of these methods should manifest itself from the educator, since he will influence the child in various ways. There are several important positions in pedagogy. Initially, with the help of correct speech, explanations of a particular situation are presented. After that, there is a control of how the teenager understood the words and what conclusion he makes. And in the end, it is necessary to evaluate his behavior.

The first way is to convince our teenagers

Educate, understand, love - these are the three components that any parent must apply. At the time of the educational conversation, it is necessary to give such arguments that will become the main points and will keep the teenager's attention specifically on the situation that has arisen. The method of persuasion is an opportunity to act on the mind, the mind of a young person from different sides. Here you should use various evidence, ways of explaining and suggesting your point of view. It is important to know how to nurture independence in a teenager. After all, this skill can only be taught at the stage of education. Namely, through the exercise, for example, systematically organize the implementation of various actions. Such exercises will help shape and develop personality.

Method of teaching and stimulation

Anyone who is interested in the question of how to raise a teenager will be interested in learning about two more methods that will be useful in communicating with a child. Let's talk about training. The method is practically the dominant means. It can be taught through words, examples, and actions. This classification must be supplemented by methods of verification and consolidation.

The next method is stimulation. This process helps the child to realize the actions done. Stimulation will help awaken, give impetus, give impetus to thoughts, feelings, and then the child will act in the right direction.

Demonstration of love between family members

In fact, adolescent girls and boys are not much different. But there are slight inclinations and differences between them in education. There are three methods of education. The first rule is a demonstration of love. The child should feel comfort and coziness in the house. To do this, it is important to surround him not only with care, but also with love. Often in incomprehensible situations, it is important for a child to express support. Each member of the family should show tenderness and attention, as well as actively participate in the life plans of a young person. With any positive or negative event, it is important to note the behavior of the child and in a mild form to evaluate his actions.

Rigidity in education. Should she be?

The second rule of upbringing is rigor. If you are interested in how to raise a teenager correctly, then you should not forget about severity. The child will not be able to correctly perceive instructive words if the parents do not keep external control. And it must be strictly stated. Only then is it possible for the child to manifest independence so that he can independently control his actions.

It is also necessary to observe the sequence in your actions and deeds. In the event of a repeated situation, you do not need to resort to screaming and creating an atmosphere of fear for the child. Such aggression will only close the feelings of a teenager. Control must be gradually loosened. The child must take independent steps towards the right goal. Otherwise, all controlled actions will not allow him to understand his behavior. A teenager should feel control over his behavior, understand what he is doing right and what is not.

If you follow these three rules of education, you will get an excellent result. The child should have a sense of self-regulation of their behavior. Strengthen self-control is possible by doing physical exercises. The most effective sport is considered to be a team sport - football, basketball, hockey.

puberty

The most difficult stage in the development of a person's personality is adolescence. Every parent should know how to raise a teenager at 14. This is the period when the process of puberty takes place, physiological signs are formed, character is developed, certain emotions are manifested. The transitional age in girls begins much earlier than in boys. Therefore, when thinking about how to educate a teenager, a boy or a girl, it should be remembered that their teaching methods are slightly different. Let's talk about this in more detail.

Features and differences in the upbringing of boys and girls

The main distinguishing features are such nuances that the boy needs to be trusted, but the girl should be taken care of. If you often show love to a boy, give him tender care, then in the eyes of the child it will look like his parents do not trust him. From the lack of faith, he will not have independence. But if a girl is given complete freedom in choosing her actions, then she may think that no one needs her and no one loves her. Your son needs to express his concern only through trust.

The feelings of a girl and a boy at an early age will also be different. This should always be taken into account. If a teenage boy has done the right thing, then his independent action must be supported. It is also imperative to motivate his act, so that in the future each action is considered.

Features of the upbringing of girls. What should be considered?

Every mother should know how to raise a teenage girl. After all, a girl is a gentle creature that needs care and special attention. In any case, she will show her feelings, emotions and sometimes even tears.

Girls need to be loved and constantly show this love to them in practice, so that they feel it and understand that they are valued. Girls need approval, care and understanding. It is also especially important to help and support in difficult times. As soon as the girl feels the care directed at her, self-confidence, her actions and actions will immediately appear. And in the future, it will be easy for her to cope with certain difficulties and problems.

Much has already been said about how to raise a teenager. From the entire large number of recommendations, we can single out the most important criteria that every parent who has a teenager in their home should pay attention to:

1. Parents should be interested in the affairs of their child and be sure to participate in them. More specifically, help and support. This will help to control his actions and jointly overcome difficulties. If the attention and help of parents is not enough, then the child may develop low self-esteem.
2. Moms and dads should not only educate, but also listen and empathize with the child. Parents who do not have such feelings will cause indifference in the child.
3. Moms and dads should have love and positive emotions. They should be shown not only to the teenager, but also to each other. If a child sees love and tenderness in the family, then he will always have positive and light emotions in his soul.
4. Recognition and approval of the actions of children by parents.
5. The child must be trusted. Distrust of a teenager will lead to the fact that fear will manifest itself.
6. Parents should set a personal example for the child, which will be based on the correct behavior, the commission of only deliberate actions and actions.
7. Be sure to pay attention to the school life of a teenager. This is necessary so that he feels the control of his parents and fulfills his educational responsibilities to the fullest. After all, it is clear that he will need it.

We have reviewed the general tips for raising matured children. Make an effort to find a common language with even the most difficult teenager, and your efforts will certainly be rewarded.

Safety is paramount. You don't want to be in control, but at the same time, you want your daughter to be safe. Spare no money, buy her a cell phone, or ask her to help you save money. If she has a phone, ask her to carry it with her at all times so you can reach her. Talk to her about possible emergencies. For example, tell her, “If you can't find a sober driver to bring you home from the party, give me a call and I'll pick you up. It doesn't matter if it's 4am, I'd rather pick you up than let you ride in a car with a drunk driver."

• Of course, she will grumble a little about your worries, but it's better than not worrying and letting her get into a dangerous situation.
• Teenagers spend a lot of time on the internet these days, so it's important to stay cyber-safe. Ask her not to talk online with people she doesn't know, and certainly not to date anyone she met online, unless she has a compelling reason to trust that person.

Let her date guys. Someday there will come a moment when she will have a boyfriend (and maybe a girl). You have to accept it, no matter what you really think about it. But do not forget about the rules and rigor. You have to keep an eye on how her relationship develops. Of course, you don't need to peek and ask too many questions, but you should be aware of what she is doing and where she is going.

• Of course, if you see someone treat your daughter badly or try to take advantage of her, it can kill you, but you should help her understand who is who herself, instead of saying that her boyfriend is a worthless person or something like that. If you try to convince her not to date this person again, it will only spur her desire to the contrary.
• Understand, finally: it is unrealistic to forbid her to meet with someone she likes. It's not the stone age, understand, there's nothing you can do to ban her from dating. You can't lock her in a room like a princess in a tower. One day she will go to college or just move out, and then she will be free to date whoever she wants.
• Plus, you don't want her to resent you for not allowing her to date. If you do not allow her to do what all her friends do (and this is absolutely normal for their age), she will act very harshly with you.