The Wisdom of Forgiveness: Seven Easy Ways to Get Over Offense. How to forgive an offense: useful tips. How to forgive and let go

One of the most difficult things in the life of any person is to respond to evil with good, that is, to forgive the person who offended you. Yes, we love to watch films or read novels in which people forgive the unforgivable, as this is a very beautiful and worthy act that commands respect. However, when it comes to our lives, and when we ourselves are faced with the same thing, everything turns out a little differently - it is very difficult to forgive an offense.

Scientists argue that those who know how to forget old hardships, forgive enemies and friends for their deeds, as well as those who treat fate with gratitude, live much longer than others. We are sure that our readers also want to live happily ever after, so they simply must learn to forgive insults from a husband, loved one, or even mother. Therefore, to the question: “Is it necessary to forgive insults at all?”, We answer clearly and categorically: “Yes, you need to forgive insults! For your own sake!"

How to forgive an insult to a husband or loved one?
Answering this question, one involuntarily recalls the words of Ann Landers, who said: “Resentment is acid! It destroys both the vessel in which it is stored and the ship that transports it! This means that if you do not forgive the offense, then he will destroy you as a person (from a moral point of view) and your relationship with your husband or loved one. Nothing else good can be expected from resentment, but you will break off relations with the person who made you suffer, but after that the situation will not change. Resentment will be like poison, corrode you from the inside. Therefore, you do not need to sacrifice yourself, your family and husband (beloved person). If the act of a man was low enough, and you were disappointed in your loved one, then you just need to break the ties, forgive and let go. Previously, it was his choice, and this is yours!

If you realize that the act was committed on purpose, then do not forget that the best revenge for a man is to continue living a happy, successful and fun life, as if nothing had happened. Show him that you cannot be broken so easily, and difficulties and such situations only strengthen you.

How to forgive a grudge against a mother?
The best way to forgive a grudge against a mother is to turn evil into good. That is, to believe that all the actions, deeds and words that were said or done were intended for you for the sake of good and help, it just turned out, as usual, a little differently. Think of your mother, not as an enemy, but as a person who tried to convey good to you. By the way, this method can be used in relation to other people to forgive them. Take advantage of the situation - let it be an experience, remember it and do not repeat it again, knowing the consequences.

Another way to take advantage of what happened is to make a list of those things or people who have come or gone from your life and have had a positive effect on you. It will be quite difficult to do this at first, as resentment will overwhelm you. However, later, in a day or two, look at what happened from a different angle, and try to find even the slightest merit in what happened. Over time, the number of positive moments will increase and you will even begin to thank fate for such a chance, which means you will stop being offended by your mother.

How to forgive an offense to a man?
To forgive an offense to a man, it will take a lot of time and his strength on an emotional level. The fact is that after resentment, a man could delve into himself for a very long time and look for the reasons for resentment in himself. Such introspection “will give a list in any boat,” so the first thing a man needs is to get well. First, stop demanding the impossible from yourself! First of all, you are a person, which means you have the right to emotions and mistakes. Make it a rule that everything that happened - went as it should. Secondly, the body received a lot of stress, which, most likely, occurred inside, and not outside (few people saw your suffering), so the body needs to have a good rest, sleep and adjust the diet. Thirdly, start life from the beginning, as if it never happened.

If you do not do all this! Resentment can leave a strong imprint on a man in the form of constant anger or emotional instability.

In addition, think again, you are a man, not a weakling! How many times have you already told your friends or relatives about how you were unfairly offended?! 5-10-20 times?! Have you ever thought about how unpleasant it is to hear from a man, and, besides, such negative memories depress and spoil the mood not only for you, but also for those people to whom you tell this story about injustice.

How to forgive an insult to the mother-in-law?
If your mother-in-law offended you, then it will be very difficult for your daughter-in-law to forget this, since their conflicts last for quite a few hundreds of years and not a single generation could get along normally with relatives. However, it is quite easy to forgive your mother-in-law if you remember who helped you recover from the insult. Most likely, it was your husband, whose mother is your abuser. Think about his care, about how he tried to help you in every possible way, and only for his sake, try, if not to forgive your mother-in-law, then outwardly not show any signs of resentment. May you make this sacrifice for the sake of the person who helped you in trouble.

To forget the resentment against the mother-in-law, the comparison helps, in which the girl is held by metal fetters, they also act as the personification of the resentment against the mother-in-law. If you do not forgive her, you will never be freed from these shackles. Your forgiveness will destroy the pain, bad memories and in general the past that is unpleasant for you.

Another point of view helps to forgive the offense. The fact is that if you initially didn’t work out with a person, then all subsequent time spent together will go wrong, and even if the mother-in-law is no longer involved in your offense, you will still be the first to blame her! Therefore, try once again to take a sober look at things, whether the mother-in-law is really to blame for your offense.

And the last piece of advice on how to forgive your mother-in-law is to think about the prospects. Are you sure that you are ready now to break off all relations with her and you will never need her help again?! This is another reason to forgive your mother-in-law, because the time is not far off when she stumbles or you need her help ...

The Internet magazine site wishes our readers to learn to forgive insults and live a calm and happy life! Good luck!

“Lovely ones scold - they only amuse themselves” - this saying does not always indicate that in a relationship any quarrel is insignificant and easily eliminated. Sometimes one conflict can destroy a marriage, or lead to heartfelt resentment and long games of Silence. In this article we will tell you how to overcome resentment against your husband, how to forgive or take revenge on him.

Preamble

In fact, it is easier to prevent a quarrel with your husband than to think about how to survive this difficult conflict. Enter one important rule into your family: in no case should relatives be involved in disagreements and any mention of them. It’s hard to imagine a more serious reason for the conflict than “but your mom is bothering us” or “your dad is lazy and worthless, like you.”

How will you react if someone says something bad about your relatives, even if it's true? Definitely in this way you can drive a person out of himself. The main rule: parents are not chosen, they are not discussed. Accept it to eliminate a large number of quarrels.

Never involve children in conflict

Before overcoming a strong resentment against a husband, it is important to understand how to prevent countless quarrels. Any conflict should be immediately stopped if the child appears on the threshold. Think about his fragile psyche, so you should not involve him in solving your problems. If only because any extra word spoken to each other can hurt the feelings of children and change their attitude towards parents.

If you want to say something rude and mean, mentally count to ten. Perhaps the desire to quarrel will disappear. Do not provoke your soulmate to a conflict. Who will benefit from this? One way or another, everyone will remain in their opinion, so is it worth it to violate the emotional state of a partner?

Revenge - no!

Many women are desperately trying to figure out how to get back at their husbands. Never make your spouse out of spite, even if he mortally offended you. Don't try to hurt his sore spot by bringing old fights or negative situations into the conversation. It is possible that if you do not take advantage of rancor, then your marriage will be saved, but as soon as offensive words are uttered in response or a hurtful act is committed, then there will be very little chance of a good life together.

Never take revenge, and if you promised to forgive your husband, then do not remind you of quarrels after a while.

Basic Rule

If you do not know how to overcome resentment against your husband, then use this advice. If the cause of the conflict did not lie in but only in some wrong actions and spoken words, then it is necessary to conduct a preventive conversation.

In most cases, partners in a relationship are offended by the rudeness that was uttered against them. Explain to your spouse what exactly hooked you.

There is a golden rule: if nothing helps to cope with the desire to quarrel, then do it, but only without humiliation and insults. Everyone swears, you can't do without it. Each person has his own emotions, experiences, views on life. And even people who love can have hundreds of differences and differences of opinion.

How to survive conflict?

Resentment against your husband can destroy your marriage and relationships in general. But if after a quarrel there is a strong residue, then look at your partner. Do you really want to continue living with this person under one roof, one family? If you have no doubts about the positive answer, then you need to start working on restoring the relationship.

assault

Most women who are humiliated and insulted by their husbands do not want to end their marriage. But if a man once dared to raise his hand to his beloved during an ordinary quarrel, then there can be no question of any restoration of relations. However, it is important to understand that the stronger sex is the same people as women who have emotions, feelings and the limit of patience. If a girl starts beating her man, provoking him into a fight, then at that moment she turns from a spouse or girlfriend into a sparring partner. However, nothing justifies a guy who was able to kick back. Even if the blame for the provocation lies entirely with the woman.

In this case, only the immediate termination of the relationship can help to survive the resentment against her husband.

Serious quarrel

After the conflict, you need to talk with your spouse - a popular advice from psychologists. Resentment against your husband will torment you if you don’t dot all the “i” in time. Remember that this is not about a simple domestic conflict, but about a serious quarrel leading to the breakup of a marriage.

If you understand that a man is really ready to listen to you and change, then talking in this case will be the best medicine against resentment. But before expressing your dissatisfaction with your partner, it is best to write them on a piece of paper and then read them several times.

This method allows you to “pour out your soul” and not be afraid that someone will find out the truth of your family life. It will become much easier for you as soon as you speak out on paper. Sometimes, after reading what is written, quarrels and resentments seem not so terrible and deadly. Sometimes girls simply burn a sheet of complaints and prefer not to talk to their husband on this topic, forgetting and forgiving everything.

As a rule, grievances expressed to the husband may be unjustified and exaggerated. Therefore, before you go to sort things out, it is recommended to clearly know what your partner's fault is - specific, and not far-fetched.

go to reconciliation

“Yesterday I had a fight with my husband. He told me a lot of nasty things, however, as I told him. Now I have a grudge against my husband. What to do? Is it worth it to compromise, or wait for an apology from him?”, It is important to understand that not all women are ready to accept the situation as it really is.

Even if you imagine that your spouse really offended you, then you need to give him time to think about the whole situation. Of course, resentment against a husband can be much stronger than the ability to be patient and wait a few hours or days.

First, let your spouse come up first to apologize and repent. When he takes the first step towards reconciliation, then never show him your character. Your husband found the strength to step on the neck of pride. Remember that only a strong person can forgive, so learn this ancient art.

It can be very difficult to step over your "I" - but one day you will understand how much easier it is to live without your pride and selfishness. Let the pronoun “we” often sound in your family, and then the number of quarrels will decrease.

If your spouse did not dare to approach first, but you want to make peace, then you will have to act independently - decisively and without hesitation. In most everyday quarrels, both are always to blame - one, because he could not control himself, and the other, because he is not able to get away from the conflict and remain silent when necessary. Approach your husband and offer to have a serious talk. Explain what offended and offended you in exchange for revelations from him. Let the spouse speak out where you made a mistake. When all the dots over the “i” are placed, it is necessary to make a general solution to the conflict.

And what about change?

Betrayal is extremely difficult to forgive, and sometimes impossible. Cheating always entails, if not divorce, then cohabitation, but for the sake of children, a common loan, a mortgage, or old parents who may not survive the breakup. In this case, many women are wondering how to forgive their husband for insult and betrayal?

Firstly, every girl wants to get guarantees that her husband will never cheat on her again - neither physically nor morally.
Secondly, it is important to learn to trust your man. This advice applies to those women who agreed to forgive betrayal, but for many months, or even years, they are reproached for his mistake, they are released to work with pain and stress.

If you accepted your spouse, agreed never to be reminded of betrayal, then this is how it should be. If you cannot overcome your resentment towards your husband, then sooner or later you will become the culprit of a divorce. And this despite the fact that once upon a time the spouse hurt you by cheating.

Imagine if you could live with this man under the same roof, knowing that one day he preferred another woman instead of you? If it will be difficult to get used to this idea, then it is better not to agree to the restoration of marriage. So you will think of only one thing - how to take revenge on your husband for the offense.

But betrayal in return will not bring you satisfaction. On the contrary, you will feel even worse - humiliated and low.

Learn to forgive

Not all women know how to deal with resentment towards their husband. Psychology, along with religion and philosophy, teaches people to forgive. Resentment after spoken words, quarrels or conflicts makes you vulnerable and weak. You waste precious time in pointless showdowns, and then endlessly reflecting on what was said or done during conflicts. Of course, if a quarrel escalated into a fight or moral violence, then it is best to delete such a person from your life.

Domestic conflicts are easily resolved, especially if you understand that most of them are born due to financial difficulties, parental responsibilities, illness or high expectations. Marriage is where two people are willing to support each other and grow together. Don't let your pride, your emotions, or your lack of control over your temper ruin your relationship. Learn to forgive, even if for this you have to step over your "I".

Don't get hung up

The resentment that sits inside you can become destructive, where one spark will lead to a huge explosion. Even if your husband insulted or humiliated you, said or did something very unpleasant, then do not let your emotions take over.

Imagine a situation where you said a few words to your husband about the offense, he apologized, and the relationship returned to normal. But something in the depths continues to torment and torment you, forcing you to return to that conflict situation every day. Soon these feelings will develop into something more, turning a self-confident woman into an obsessed and emotionally unbalanced person. Any trifle will be accompanied by quarrels and another “Do you remember the last time you said/did?”

Where to go from thoughts

The best way to deal with emotional trauma is work. And not necessarily mediocre, where you need to go 5 days a week. By work, you can mean any activity - hobbies, sports, travel and shopping.

Keep your mind and body busy, distracted from your own all-consuming thoughts, in order to regain confidence in your relationship and not dwell on resentment. By constantly thinking about negative things, you attract only negative events into your life.

Analyze how serious your grievances are. Will you be able to live with them in the future? Why did you decide to forgive your husband? Can you accept his apology in the future? Have you embellished the situation? Do you want to be pitied after a fight? Do you have a habit of looking for those responsible for any conflicts?

The answers to these questions can help you understand the importance and seriousness of your grievances. If you understand that the situation is not worth wasting your life energy, then is it necessary to remember and dwell on conflicts from the past?

There are no perfect people

Every person has the right to make mistakes. You probably also once allowed your emotions to take over - offended loved ones, hurt them. Someone still holds a grudge against you, but the rest have forgiven and forgotten all old grievances.

If your husband made a mistake, then give him the opportunity to correct everything. Do not present yourself as if you are the only person in the world who has been hurt or even unpleasantly hurt. If all conflicts and quarrels are not systematic, however, like insults, then let your spouse apologize, draw a conclusion, remove life experience from the situation and try to never repeat the same mistake again.

This rule should be supported by women who sooner or later are able to say a couple of rude words or provoke a partner into a conflict. When you learn to forgive and forget all negativity, you will eventually become a more balanced, kind person who is surrounded by people who are ready to accept apologies and not remind you of quarrels.

Finally

If you want to live happily in marriage, then learn to control your emotions, be ready for constant learning within the family, gaining new experience. But the most important thing in a relationship is the ability to forget grievances and not let them settle in your mind. At best, you are waiting for the next conflicts, and at worst - an unpleasant aftertaste from regular quarrels, an undermined emotional state, a ruined marriage.

Remember that resentment can never change the person who hurt you. This feeling will break, destroy only you from within. If the spouse has realized the guilt and is ready to change over time, then give him a second chance, but release all negative thoughts from the mind and heart, get rid of rancor, learn to forgive and be tolerant in order to restore the past relationship.

Who among us has not been offended in life? They criticized, did not appreciate, did not understand, did not hear ... And then there is an insult that sits in the heart like a splinter. How to get rid of it? How to forgive an offense? How to forget caustic words addressed to you? How to survive the betrayal of a friend? This article will teach you.

Resentment as a means of manipulation

Some psychologists say that resentment is a way to get what you want. This is especially true for close relatives. The wife, trying to teach a lesson to her late husband, pouts her lips and "takes a vow of silence." The husband accuses his wife of being unable to manage the household, hinting at constant meetings with girlfriends. Where do adults get such a need to offend a loved one for personal purposes?

Psychologists say that all this comes from childhood. A child who likes a toy cries and begs for it from their parents. The little manipulator knows it's bad. Parents also know this, but they still buy the 25th doll or car. It is impossible to look at the tears of your baby without pity. We often use this method of manipulating others later in adult life. True, he works more often with close relationships.

Why does a person offend another?

What is the main reason why one individual offends another? We are often offended and do not think about it at all. But humiliation and verbal insults against us are often a disguised compliment on the part of our opponents.

Envy, unfortunately, is inherent in so many people. Not many will praise a person who has achieved any heights. But there will always be those who will scold him and blaspheme. By doing his vile deed against us, the offender gains a sense of his own importance. He "grows" in his own eyes. Moreover, the more his words affect us, the more joy and satisfaction it will bring to him. So why indulge him? Let's smile back at him and say nice words. We are concerned about the question of how to forgive an offense? Sometimes, in order to do this, it is enough to understand why we are humiliated and insulted.

Consequences of resentment

Perhaps many people find it difficult at times to forgive their enemies. Many people think: “Why should I forget the offense? My enemy will be happy if he does not suffer the deserved punishment for this. Learning to forgive is necessary for oneself, to preserve one's health. To understand this, just look at the following list of potential problems that can arise if you constantly replay an unpleasant situation in your head:

Decreased immunity;

thyroid problems;

Depression;

Diseases of the cardiovascular system;

Oncology;

Mental disorders;

Migraines, headaches.

At first glance, the connection between the occurrence of these ailments and the mood of a person seems unrealistic. But it is worth imagining what is happening inside the offended person in order to understand this. For example, a person was rude on the bus, fired from work for no reason, insulted ... What do most of us do in this case? Some are taken to take revenge, someone - to drink "bitter", someone becomes isolated in himself. But many of us will swallow the hurt and move on with our lives. Only here is the insult, the tension from it has not gone away. Negativity accumulates in our body. This will continue until the negative energy finds an outlet. And the way out here can be severe depression, and a nervous breakdown, and a complex illness, and so on. So why accumulate resentment in yourself? We need to learn how to neutralize them. How to forgive an offense and let it go will be discussed later.

How to remain calm in response to criticism?

A person sometimes with indignation perceives teachings from another person. And what can we say about the offensive words that he hears from others? Remaining calm in response to criticism is often very difficult. Of course, it is good to remain cool and unflappable in any situation. But how to curb your emotions when necessary? There are a few tips to help you do this:

Don't answer the offender right away. In anger, you can say a lot of things that you will later regret.

And then the question of how to save the situation, and not how to forgive insults, will come to the fore for you. The past cannot be returned. An unpleasant aftertaste from a quarrel will remain not only with your opponent, but also with you. Cool down and analyze the opponent's words. And only then parry.

Deceive the offender in his expectations. Konstantin Kushner, a Russian historian and educator, said: "If you are offended, the enemy has succeeded." Know that the main goal of the opponent is to hurt you to the quick. So why should he give this pleasure? Smile and forgive him.

During an argument, ask the abuser, "What can I do to make things right?" Is he confused and unable to answer? So he has personal reasons to talk bad about you. Such criticism cannot be fair.

The genius Erian Schultz said: “To be offended by bad words addressed to you is to agree with them.” This simple phrase explains everything. Do you consider yourself to be what your enemies are trying to make you look like? Of course not. But there is no point in proving them otherwise. It is better to step aside, leaving their words unheeded.

Do you want to know how to learn to forgive insults? Justify your opponents. Try to put yourself in their place and understand why they do it. Everything is simpler than it seems at first glance. Nature created one so angry, the second was offended today, and he shouted at you in the heat of the moment, the third has an unlucky day today, everything falls out of his hands, and he decided to “send everything to hell”, having quarreled with everyone, including you . Justified? Has it become easier? All that remained in my heart was pity for these poor fellows.

Live in the present. You need to forgive the offense in time, let go of the past and continue to go on your way. Focusing on quarrels with others will not lead to good.

The main thing is the inner core!

Only strong-willed people can remain calm in response to criticism and not be offended by insults and slander. Often we worry about the bad things we hear about ourselves. It doesn't matter if they said them to our eyes or behind our backs. But if we know that we have done nothing wrong, then why are we worried? The main thing is the confidence that we are right, that we are doing the right thing, that the truth is on our side. This conviction gives us calmness, firmness, determination. The inner core will not allow us to bend before offensive insults and slander. And we will not have questions about how to forgive an offense and let go of the past, how to forget insults addressed to us, how to improve relations after a quarrel.

Exercise number 1 - revenge on the offender

Learning to forgive is not easy. Getting over yourself is sometimes difficult. Special exercises will help to do this, for example, such as "imaginary revenge on the offender." It consists in the following:

Exercise number 2 - forgiveness

Psychologists say that thoughts and words are material. By managing them, you can easily change your life both positively and negatively. And if positive thoughts and words carry a creative energy, then negative ones produce a destructive effect. This knowledge will help us answer the main question that concerns us: "How to forgive an offense, finding peace and joy?" It is recommended to perform this exercise for 5-15 minutes a day. It is best to do this with a partner, but you can do it alone. It consists in the following:

Take a comfortable position.
Loudly and emotionally repeat several times, mentally addressing your offender: “You are good, cheerful, kind ... I forgive you for the fact that ...”.
After releasing the resentment, tell yourself this: "I forgive myself for ...".

Three ways not to be offended

Only truly strong and great people have self-control. Anyone can be offended, but only a select few can forgive. No wonder Socrates said: "To be offended is beneath the dignity of a person." And why are we worse than a great philosopher? Let's learn to forgive.
Let's replace resentment with pity. For example, our soulmate spoke sharply about some of our personal qualities: the husband said that his wife was a bad cook, the wife "broke her husband's brain" about small earnings, and so on. Now we are overwhelmed by the thought of how to forgive an offense to a loved one. Let's just take pity on the poor guy. After all, a person offends when he is in a state of anger, frustration or a bad mood. And all this adversely affects his health. It's already not easy for the offender.
You can try to find out why people offend us. A heart-to-heart conversation will help resolve an unpleasant situation.

The main thing is not to keep

Not everyone understands why we should learn how to forget the offense and forgive. But, as we have already found out, experiencing negative emotions is unhealthy. And resentment, anger, grief - these are perhaps the most negatively colored feelings. In our civilized society, it is not customary to openly express your emotions, especially negative ones. Therefore, many people, swallowing resentment, try to pretend that nothing happened. But experiences do not give them rest. Over time, the unpleasant situation is erased from memory, but the sediment on the soul from it still remains.

What to do in this case? Release negative emotions out in time so that they do not have time to harm our physical and mental health. You need to do this when you are at home alone. Otherwise, you can unpleasantly shock your household. You can break several plates on the floor, knock your fists on the pillow, imagining your offender in its place. You can just scream loudly at home when you are alone. It takes only a few minutes. But you will see how easy it will be for you after that. The world will no longer seem so dark and cruel, the offender - rude and heartless, and those around you - indifferent and ruthless.

Religion for Forgiveness

There are words in the Bible about loving your enemies and thanking them for the evil deeds they do. Christian preachers teach that the one who strikes on the cheek should also offer the other cheek for the blow, and the one who takes away the outer clothing should also give the shirt. At first glance it seems that these sayings are reckless. How can one not resist blows and thank one's enemies for beatings? But it seems nonsense only at first glance. It is important for a person to learn to forgive others in order to preserve their own health. An offended, upset, angry person is in a state of tension, constantly scrolling in his head the details of the quarrel and possible ways of revenge. Negative thoughts deprive him of the joy of being. Having forgiven his offenders, he finds peace and tranquility. No more pain and suffering. You can move on and do good deeds. Life is already too short to waste it on such trifles as scandals and quarrels.

Why think about how to forgive an offense? Mother and father should not be offended at all. These are the people whose love for children is immeasurable. As for the enemies, here many people may have such questions: “Why should I forgive my enemy? Why do him good? Because he doesn't deserve it." There is a wonderful passage in the Bible that says, “If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, then give him a drink: for by doing this you are heaping burning coals on his head.” These words have a deep meaning. You cannot defeat evil with evil. Bad things can only be eradicated with good. And then, who knows, maybe your worst enemy will become your best friend. No wonder they say: "From hate to love - only one step." The Bible will tell you the answer to the question of how to learn to forgive offenses. Try to be a true Christian and follow all the commandments set forth in it. Then in your life there will be no place for resentment, hatred, revenge.

Prayer for forgiveness of enemies

When it becomes especially difficult for us, we turn to God for help. And it is not at all necessary to know certain prayers here. You can express in your own words what lies like a stone on our soul, and ask the Almighty for salvation. The answer to the question of how to forgive and let go is clear. We need to open and read the Bible more often, follow the commandments given in it. The Lord teaches us that we need to love our neighbor as ourselves, no matter what, that we should forgive our enemies, no matter what offense they inflict on us. This is necessary, first of all, to the most offended.

And a prayer with which you can turn to God can be like this:

“Lord, our father, I ask you, give me the strength to forgive the people who offended me. You, the Merciful, taught us: “Love your enemies. Bless all who curse you. Do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who offend and persecute you." Give me the strength of my soul to forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing. Help me to reconcile with those who offended me in my soul. Let me find the joy of forgiveness."

You need to repeat this every day. And then you will no longer have questions about how to forgive the offense. Prayer saves from empty experiences and anxiety.

How to forgive a loved one and let go?

How many tears are shed when love leaves! It is very difficult after this to forget the betrayal of the second half and start life anew. It is especially hard for women in such situations.

These tips will teach them how to forgive a man for an offense, let him go and start life from scratch:

Give him all his things, remove all joint photos so that nothing reminds you of him;

Take a two-week vacation and fly to warm countries to relax;

Try not to isolate yourself, go to the cinema, cafes, clubs, somewhere where there are a lot of people, where life is in full swing;

Call your best friend for help, talk to her, cry, you will immediately feel better;

Write on a piece of paper all the shortcomings of your former lover, remembering all the bad things that are associated with him, tear the piece of paper and mentally say goodbye to this "scoundrel".

Aphorisms of famous people about forgiveness

To be offended is common to all people. It is curious what famous people say about this negative feeling.

Oscar Wilde: "The best way to piss off your enemies is to forgive them."

Thomas Szas: "A stupid person does not forget and does not forgive, a naive person both forgets and forgives, a smart person forgives, but does not forget."

William Blake: "It is easier to forgive an enemy than a friend."

Johann Schiller: "Forgiveness is stronger than all victories."

Gilbert Chesterton: "A haughty apology is another insult."

Henri de Monterlant: “There are people to whom we forgive everything, and there are people to whom we do not forgive anything. Those to whom we do not forgive anything are our friends.”

Jean Paul: "A person is beautiful when he forgives himself or asks for forgiveness from another."

George Halifax: "Conscience and memory always diverge as to whether wrongs should be forgiven."

We found out the reasons why some people try to humiliate and insult others, and also looked at several ways to forgive an insult.

Sad Lena looks out the window, peering attentively into the love games of a couple on a bench in the yard. A tear flows down my cheek, and in my head, a whole television series is mentally played on the topic “Why am I so unhappy in love?”

She has a family. Husband is not bad. All to the house. The house is a full bowl. He works, she works, the family has money, but there is no happiness. But this is how to look. Well, they fight. Well, love and passion for each other has long been gone. Somehow it so happened that under the same roof, living together, they became completely strangers.

winter and loneliness

On winter evenings, alone at home, Lena is lonely. The husband is somewhere, either at work or in the gym. She cooked dinner and eats it alone. She is afraid of being alone. The daughter is already finishing high school, and will soon fly away from home completely. Already now, she left for an internship, leaving her for a whole month. Time flies so fast...

On winter evenings, Lena sometimes recalls her loves, either fleetingly burning her, or crashing into her very soul, for a long time taking her out of her usual balance of life. When she met her future husband, he did not stand on ceremony for a long time, and proposed to her. She was in love with him. Then a daughter appeared. And all the worries about her fell on Lena. The husband was constantly busy, at work, with friends, somewhere else, she was offended, cried, demanded, and then somehow got used to it. And the daughter grew up, demanded her attention and care. Mom she is golden, sometimes more than caring ...

On the same winter evening, she saw a letter in the mail of her husband, who accidentally forgot to close his laptop. Letter from his mistress.

She read. Tears, resentment, disappointment, a desire to write back to her, then the same guilt, reflection, analysis of the situation, a lot of other things flashed through her head during these minutes of reading. She filtered the mail, and read all these letters. It was terrible. For her, it was a real hell. She had no idea that her husband had had a mistress for two years. They have a business relationship, and love dates. They have feelings and relationships. And she? Is she for him a family, quiet haven to take a breath and restore strength for new adventures?

Lena remembered that winter evening for a long time ...

Lena is an anal-visual woman. For her, marriage and family are values. These women are married for life. They are very decent, very caring, accurate and treat the family, and everything connected with it, very seriously. For such a woman, learning about her husband's infidelity is a huge stress and a "blow to the sick", namely, her priorities in life, her worldview. They are excellent housewives, friends, needlewomen, the most caring mothers. Behind such a woman is a house in which it is always cozy, warm, clean, full. These women get married. They are made for the family.

Lena's husband is a skin man. He is different. Its values are in usefulness and profit, economy of resources, discipline. It is developed in its properties, and fulfills its specific role - "to get a mammoth." He is at work - there is prosperity in the house. Family for skin men is not a priority. Of course, they marry, and they marry precisely anal women, since it is to them that attraction arises. Skin men are not tormented by the torment of betrayal, for them this is not a “Strike on a sore spot”. Great stress for them will be a financial loss, or a failed career, business.

Libido in skin men, relative to other vectors, is not high. Therefore, in order to be attractive to a female, he needs to reinforce his ranking pheromones with monetary and social status. A lover, and a change of sexual partners for a skin man is not a tragedy, but is regarded by him as a reinforcement of his status, satisfaction of the properties of the skin vector in competitions, novelty, and his viability.

Such different values and concepts of skin and anal vectors. In cities, most marriages are created in this combination, or, conversely, a skin wife and an anal husband. A lot of family quarrels, misunderstandings, insults precisely because of the inability to understand a partner, since we are trying to understand him “through ourselves”, but he is different! - He does not have such qualities, values and desires.

Grudge against husband

She told her husband all about the letters. She wanted justice. She slammed the door and went to her mother. He called, arrived with flowers, explained that it happens that he loves her, and was not going to leave her. Yes, sinful, but "it's for health."

It spoke resentment, hurt pride. The pain of betrayal rang in my head, haunting. At the same time, she was afraid to change everything, to leave her husband completely. How is the daughter? How is she herself? Other men are the same goats, and it is not at all obvious that if she finds another husband, which she also doubted, that he would not do the same. This is wildness. This is the time when everything changes. Why does it hurt so much?...

She was offended by her husband, but did not talk about it anymore. Relationships will never be the same again. But to live with him after that, it was more acceptable for her at that moment than to change everything and remain alone ...

Her imagination painted pictures that haunted her, that no one would need her in her old age, and there would be no one to even give her slippers or a glass of water. A helpless, lonely old woman who has become thrown out of life and her own family. Outwardly, they reconciled with her husband, and then began to live together.

But the hurt didn't go away...

Every time her husband was late at work, or somewhere else, she worked herself up imagining scenes of him with another woman. It drove her crazy, inflating her resentment to incredible proportions. When he came home, she reproached him, tried to hurt him, find out where he was.

Relations deteriorated. She sat at home, constantly chewing something, and complained about her female lot. She took it out on her daughter, on her husband. I stopped taking care of myself, and felt thrown out of the celebration of life.

Sometimes, she tried to set herself up positively, realizing that all her irritation was not supported by anything, but when she started talking with her husband or daughter, she broke down again, went into reproaches and was offended by everything.

@ System-vector psychologist's comment:

Lena has anal and visual vectors. Resentment is a state of the anal vector. The anal-visual man is still everything dramatizes, decorates, and inflates to the most incredible sizes.

The audience is constantly in need of emotions. Since Lena does not have so many emotions in her family - her husband is constantly at work, while skin men are not particularly emotional, they speak briefly and to the point. They also do everything quickly, and also to the point. And she wants to fly. That is, she needs emotions, warmth, sensuality to fill her thirsty vision, and feel alive and happy.

This need to fill the emotional amplitude, the woman adds to the resentment that filled her whole being. Resentment controls thoughts and actions, it completely changes her behavior and lifestyle. Resentment, which in her mental screams "I was taken away", violated justice. She wants revenge, but it is the visual vector that does not allow revenge, forcing her to play scenarios of revenge only in her imagination.

Resentment is a feeling that destroys, harms emotional and physical health. A person who constantly warms up, nourishes and intensifies negative feelings in his heart cannot fully enjoy life, sees the negative all the time and lives in fear of repeated betrayal.

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In order to normalize the psychological state, restore joy and harmony in life, one should realize how dangerous it is to keep feelings in oneself and how important it is to learn to forgive.

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How to let go of resentment?

Letting go of a person and getting rid of all negative thoughts is not always easy. To throw off the burden of resentment and feelings, you need hard and high-quality work on yourself and your emotional state.

Steps on the way to forgiveness of insults must be taken consistently and then it will be possible to get rid of this oppressive feeling.

How to get a girl out of depression

Control over feelings

All sensations and thoughts that torment and disturb cannot be blocked and driven into your heart. It’s common for everyone to experience this, so it’s important to come to terms with it.

The only thing that will help to completely get rid of the feeling of resentment is time. Everything that happens to a person tends to end, so you need to go through a difficult period, do not make resentment the center of your life. Gradually, feelings fade away and the woman becomes easier.

Do not torture yourself and blame. Parting with a loved one, breaking up a relationship is not a reason to label yourself a loser or a bad person. Having lost a man, a woman does not lose her virtues, strengths and successes.

How to forget a loved one

Thinking about the consequences

Negative motivation has tremendous power in the fight against negative thoughts. It makes you think about what will happen if you do not let go of the offense, but continue to live with it.

A person motivated by negative motivation might begin to think like this:

all pain will constantly grow, like a poison it will begin to corrode the heart, a lump get stuck in the throat, forcing to suffer;
resentment provokes the development of cancer, so high mortality is observed among touchy people;
living with a sense of resentment, a person sees enemies in all people, is afraid to trust someone again, therefore his personal life suffers;
negative energy suppresses sunny and bright feelings - joy, love, faith and fidelity;
resentment can be an incentive to take revenge on another, pushes to bad, rash acts.

Therefore, it is worthwhile to understand well what resentment is - a helper or an enemy.

positive motivation

A powerful weapon on the path to getting rid of a heavy load is a clear idea of all the benefits that will be possible if you quickly forgive the offense and let go. The main ones are:

freedom and independence from the actions of others;
getting rid of pain, anguish and low self-esteem;
a state of lightness, the heart will be filled with joy, energy and positive feelings, with which it is much more pleasant to live;
letting go of resentment, the girl will be able to more easily build relationships with others, adequately assessing people, without attributing to them selfish motives for communication;
a less touchy person looks like a strong, confident and joyful person, therefore he attracts others more to himself.

Success in life accompanies those who have learned to ignore the mistakes of others and live a full life.

Dialogue with the offender

When a person begins to visit, and then constantly pursue negative thoughts and resentments, it is important not to succumb to emotions, but to continue to think sensibly, having understood the situation. It is worth analyzing the reason why the beloved could offend. Perhaps the man did not see something offensive in the words he said and did not notice that he had hurt his beloved. Or the reason is in education, the past.

If there is resentment, it is impossible to be silent. It is necessary to be the first to approach and talk with the offender, to talk about your feelings, having clarified all the misunderstandings.

You should not wait for the moment when a person himself realizes his wrong, comes up and asks for forgiveness.

An active life is the key to success

To forget your husband and remove the pain in your heart, you should not resort to alcohol, seek solace in food. You should learn to continue to enjoy life and pamper yourself: play sports, go to beauty salons, engage in self-development, start learning a new language or go on a trip.

After the betrayal of a loved one, pain and disappointment are easier to bear with people who can listen and support in any actions and decisions.

In addition to true friends who can console, it is important to have support. This is something that can give confidence, make you feel like a strong and meaningful person. For example, a favorite pastime, work or helping those who are in difficult and unpleasant circumstances.

Psychology notes that helping others is a great opportunity to help yourself take your mind off your own problems and let go of negative thoughts.

Everything that happens in life is an experience. However, it is important not to stay in the past, but to try to imagine what new, interesting things life can bring.

To completely let go of a person, you can write him a letter in which to express all the experiences, thank you for everything that was beautiful, and say goodbye. Then the letter can be burned or put on a boat on the water.

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