Relationship between father and son. What to talk about with your son? How can a father get along with his teenage son?

A trusting, warm relationship between father and son is a guarantee that the boy will feel protected. He can easily ask those questions that dad will best answer.

Almost every man dreams of a son. And he has huge plans for how the heir will grow and develop. The child has not yet been born, but the future father is already looking forward to how he scores decisive goals against the enemy with pleasure, wins in all types of martial arts, is out of reach in checkers, chess tournaments, etc. The kind of areas in which the future heir to the family name will certainly succeed depends on what the father dreams of.

And now the long-awaited son is already growing, but for some reason he is not going to fulfill his father's expectations. On the contrary, he builds his own line of life. And it is good if he is active, active, sociable, purposeful. Then the father can still somehow adapt to the situation, correct his plans for his son. After all, he is at least somewhat successful, you can still be proud of him!

And if a son with laziness, unhurried, not particularly thinking about his future, not striving to gnaw at the granite of science, does not want to play sports, music and other things that dad dreamed about so much? It is clear that not all children can be excellent students, child prodigies, or at least hard workers who take perseverance and diligence. Some people got to be triplets. And in everything they do: at school, in courses, in sports, and in music. Well, they do not set themselves great goals, despite the efforts of their parents. They just float down the river called life. You need to study - they study, however, for dads and moms, because they have no choice in this matter. They force them to go to the sports section - they go, they do something there to the minimum so that moms and dads fall behind them. And so in everything.

And the discord in the relationship between father and son begins. The first is gradually disappointed in the heir, loses interest in him. The son also ceases to see his father as a friend.

How to prevent the alienation of loved ones? What needs to be done so that father and son always respect each other, love?

It would be good for the father to immediately tell himself that the son is not him, but a completely different person with his own character, destiny. If, after all, the long-awaited son was born, then you should not take this as a new opportunity to realize yourself. An adult can participate in his life, but only as an unobtrusive older friend. Do not take on the role of an omnipotent puppeteer. The father has his own destiny for such games, and that's where you need to be a wise politician.

Therefore, it is necessary to try to become this very friend in order to always know and feel what is happening in the life of a beloved child. This process is long, requiring tact, love, patience and tolerance. But on the other hand, the words of the father will always be heard by him and weighty for him.

It is not required to specifically carve out special time for raising a child. It would be strange to see in a man's diary an entry, for example, with the following content: “Tuesday. From 19 to 20 - raising a son. Firstly, this process happens every minute, every second, without a break for lunch, without days off. Even regardless of whether you set yourself the goal of educating or not. And secondly, who does it the rest of the time?

From the moment the child is born, any action or inaction of the parents is education. A beloved child perceives the behavior of parents as a model to follow. If in a family everyone lives on their own, and not as a friendly team, the son will behave the same way. What kind of warm trusting relationship can a father expect in this case? The child does not know how to establish such relationships. Outside the house, perhaps, and maybe, but with relatives - he has no experience, and besides, it is not accepted.

They are very united by common causes and interests. This refers not only to family traditions, but also to the hobbies of father and son. For example, the habit together - a purely male company - for example, go to hockey once a month or dig in the car, do home improvement, summer cottages. On holidays, prepare to congratulate the female part of the family, and not only by choosing a gift, but also by the entertainment part: think about how the holiday will go, where, maybe, prepare contests, surprises, etc.

So far, there are no such common interests, and relations are slowly but steadily cooling down? It is urgent to invent them, based on the hobbies of the son, and tactfully interest, involve the beloved offspring in the process.

Teach your son to make decisions on his own, take the initiative.

Talk to your child more. Discuss problems, look for ways out of seemingly impasses, rejoice in victories, even the smallest ones. Together plan weekends, vacations, buying something, repairs, etc. Of course, everyone needs time to be alone, and such a desire, of course, must be respected. But everything that happens in the family, in life, in the world should be discussed. At first, you may have to force yourself to look for topics for communication, the words will not always be the right ones and everything will happen with a creak and awkwardly. But, as they say, the trouble is the beginning. Gradually, openness, the desire to hear the opinions of other family members will become a need and will unite father and son, and the whole family.

If a father is not, for some reason, an authority for his son, it is not easy for them to maintain a warm relationship. Therefore, a man must remember that his son always looks at him, evaluates his actions, accepts them or condemns them. And act accordingly. This does not require being a superhero, a professor, an Olympic champion. You just need to be human. Always.

Dads! Love your sons, even if they fall short of your expectations. It's not their fault that you've already invented their life for them a long time ago. Let them be the directors of their own future. Just be always there. As friends. The sons really need this - a reliable, strong shoulder of a friend (and not the tyranny of a dictator!).

Many fathers think that while the child is small, the mother should raise him. But it's not. Of course, no one says that the father should feed and swaddle, but the baby needs to play and pay attention in every possible way from the cradle. Thus creating a strong bond between father and son from infancy.

In the period from one to three years, the baby's social circle is small, it is he and his mother, so the father should be nearby. The child, feeling the moral strength of the father, grows calm and balanced.

After three years, the child begins to look for boundaries between what is possible and what is not allowed, to go beyond what is permitted and try to be independent. At the same time, he becomes capricious and naughty. And here, dad will be tougher than mom, draw a line through which you can’t cross and quickly pacify the prankster.

From three to six years old, a boy is like a sponge, absorbing and imitating his father's behavior. It is very important that during this period the father was nearby, it is at this age that the formation of his character begins.

At 6-7 years old, the boy is already becoming a little man. Men's skills and habits are already being instilled here. Mom fades into the background, because she cannot understand men's problems or advise what to do in this or that situation, because this is their male world with dad. At this age, it is best to send the child to any section of wrestling, karate, and the like.

Teenage years

Adolescence is very important. Here the child, or rather, already a teenager - a man, is trying to get out of parental control. And here, even the most wonderful father will find it difficult to maintain a good relationship with his son. At this age, children perceive everything too sharply, this is the time to solve global problems, as it seems to them at that time. At this stage of the relationship, what the father was like before, how the relationship developed in childhood, plays an important role. From here it will become clear whether the teenager will obey his father.

PSYCHOLOGY OF RELATIONSHIPS

"Happiness - when you understand" That's right.
And yet, it is much more important to learn to hear and understand other people yourself.
This ability makes you free.
You see and understand who is in front of you. You know what to expect from a person.
Such abilities can be developed in oneself by analyzing the surrounding reality and introspection.
Wise men say - "Every person you meet on your way is your teacher"

Father - son

"The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." /Theodor Hasberg/

You can't say it better or more accurately. Today we will try to consider the issue of the psychology of the relationship between father and son through the prism of influence
on these relations of a third person - women - wives - mothers.

The birth of a son

A man is a social being - a fact. Whether he wants it or not, he has to adapt in society,
express yourself, and constantly confirm your masculinity. The birth of a son is one of the unspoken
signs of male power. Of course, the girl does not stay in the hospital, she is surrounded by love.
But in the circle of friends, the man, after all, justifies himself: "First the nanny - then the lyalka," he has to laugh it off.

But, thank God - the first boy, a healthy strong man. His mother, with a sense of accomplishment, accepts gratitude
happy father - flowers, kisses. And now, the excitement from the first meeting is over, the guests have left, videos and photos
uploaded to computer. Weekdays begin, life - now the three of us.
And the newly-made mother notices that the husband does not tremble over his heir, is in no hurry to take him in his arms,
and even angry when the child cries often and loudly.

This is where many women make the grossest mistake, for which they sometimes pay for their whole lives.
And not only they, but also sons - fatherlessness with living fathers.
She begins to hysteria: "After all, this is your son! Why don't you love him?! And you don't love me, you don't help! I'm with a child
day and night, I'm tired, I can't do anything!"
Here, of course, she fibbed a little, well, just a little bit. I slept an extra hour, chatted on the phone, watched the series ....
It's not about her lying. She did not notice how she had planted fear and despair in the soul of her husband, so beloved recently,:
“But didn’t I hurry with marriage and fatherhood? This madhouse will now be permanent? The child is screaming, she is hysterical, strained at work!
What am I now - an errand boy, a money-making machine? And my personal life is all over?"

And he has not yet had time to "attach" to the child. If we feel love and tenderness for him even during pregnancy,
then a man also needs a "push" to feel this feeling inside himself - mine, my child, my son!
This may be the first hesitant step of the baby in his direction, maybe his first pa-pa.
A wise woman will not shift her responsibilities onto her husband's shoulders: Comfort in the house, delicious healthy food, a child
snores in bed. Above the computer on the wall are bright posters with photographs of the baby.
It's so easy to create "weather" in the house so that a loved one flies to the "nest".
If the child is healthy and well-fed, there are no big problems with him. Of course, I'm talking about the time period here.
when even the state gives a woman the opportunity to deal only with a child, herself and family relationships.

Identification
But behind the sleepless nights, diapers, vests .... The child has the first differences in gender
sign - toys: cars, planes, pistols. Increasingly, he finds himself in the hands of his father. This is where the period begins
"identification". Father's attentive gaze notes: This little miracle has the same unruly hair - like mine,
eyes are like mine. He smiles, just like me.
And right there, the man turns on his masculine principle. The son should become his pride. God forbid, do not disgrace cowardice,
weakness, the most unacceptable qualities for men.

The psychology of the father-son relationship begins to differ dramatically from his relationship with his daughter.
If the daughter is a little angel, causing only a feeling of tenderness, then the son begins to feel hard very early.
male character father. "Don't cry - you are a man, be patient - you are a man!" Sometimes fathers even "go too far" in strictness towards their sons.
This is where mom comes in. In no case do not feel sorry for the son. Only dialogue with the husband.
He must understand that by rigidity and dictatorship he will make his son insecure, dependent.
The world of men is cruel - I must say this directly: Constant competition, pressure, strength test.
Who, if not the father, will lead the boy into this world, help him in his development.
Well, how can a mother say to her son - "Well, what are you pissing - a coward or something?" From the lips of a woman it will sound rude and vulgar
. And among men, this is the norm.

And now let's move on to the sad statistics - most marriages break up. Why? The question is open.
Often, we simply do not forgive shortcomings, while clearly realizing that there are no ideal people.
It is good if, after parting with his wife, the father does not lose contact with the children. But this statistic is depressing. Meetings become
less often, in short, they turn into telephone dialogues, with a material bias. And the son is growing.
A wise woman, she is wise because she can find a way out of the most hopeless situation.
Of course, a stepfather is also an option. What if it's not on the horizon? And the son is growing.
Here you need to calmly, without despair and panic, look around. Real, strong, wise men are around.
Most often, these are sports coaches. Take this matter very seriously. Find such a person
talk to him, make sure he's the right one, and bring your son to him. Choose not a sport for your son, but a coach.
When you hear admiring comments about your coach from your boy, consider that you have given your child a start in life.

rivalry or friendship

Still, the family remains the main unit of society .... The son grew up - a young reformer, with a frightening outlook on life.
Otherwise it can not be. Each new generation believes that it has come into this world to change it.
In the psychology of the relationship between father and son, this is perhaps the most difficult period. Many dads of growing up sons, behave
sometimes with them, like banks with overdue customers. For many years, fathers flattered their ambitions, dreamed like their sons
conquer one peak after another, glorifying the surname. And the fact that a young man is now a separate independent person,
the father simply-plainly cannot perceive adequately. "This is my son! I have invested so much in him! I know better what is good for him."

Sometimes such situations end in a breakup. The father does not want to see his son, and the son leaves in a fit.
It will take years for both to understand that there is no one closer and dearer to them.
It is the woman - wife - mother who should become a diplomat, peacemaker, actress, but make her dear men hear each other and understand.

The relationship between father and son can flow in two opposite directions:
Father and son are rivals. The elder tries at any opportunity to "crush" with authority. He lived, he saw, he knows....
The younger one is sure that his father's views and beliefs are outdated. He does not understand anything in modern life.
"When I was fourteen, my father was so stupid that I could hardly bear him. But when I was twenty-one,
I was amazed at how much this old man had grown wiser in the last seven years." / Mark Twain /

Father and son are friends. Friendship between father and son begins from the very birth of the child, and not when the boy
turns fourteen or twenty. A self-sufficient, self-confident young man will not assert himself at the expense of his wife,
children, because he believes in his own strength, in himself. He perceives the birth of a child correctly - as the joy of the birth of a new life.
Such a father, from the first days, and even from the first realization that he will have a child, begins to feel responsible.
The son next to such a father lives with a sense of security, and this is so necessary in childhood.
The hobbies of the father in a friendship relationship are sure to become the hobbies of the son and bring them even closer.
A woman can only wisely maintain this harmony and enjoy life.

Let's stop here and smile:
male conversation
- Dad, what is love?
- Oh, son! Love is a fusion and dissolution!
- Chemical process?
- Love - mutual attraction!
- What - to teach physics?
- Love - the essence of the kind of continuation!
- And biology, and anatomy? Oh no! I will never love!