Why does an adult want to become a child. Eternal children: why modern teenagers do not want to become adults. Causes of children's behavior in adults

12.02.2016 03:39

In all adults, somewhere deep inside lives a child, as they once were.

When we are relaxed and in a good mood, we sometimes want to joke and fool around. And there is nothing wrong with that. On the contrary, it's even great. But sometimes this inner child shows up in inappropriate situations, and we begin to want to become small again so much that this creates some difficulties.

Here we will talk a little about children's behavior in adults. About why adults have thoughts from the series "I want to return to childhood", where does the desire to behave like little ones come from, and what to do about it.

What is the problem "want to be a child"

Sometimes it happens that the child wakes up in us in situations where we are stressed and it is difficult for us to withstand difficulties. In such cases, we sometimes begin to behave infantile, laugh off difficulties and avoid responsibility, i.e. adults have childlike behavior. The fact is that under conditions of stress, psychological defense mechanisms- hidden subconscious mechanisms that help us isolate ourselves from problems and reduce negative experiences to a minimum. There are many mechanisms, and one of them is just regression- it is he who encourages a person to temporarily return, as it were, to an earlier stage of growing up.

If this happens to you sometimes, these impulses do not last long and do not create difficulties, then you should not worry about it. Everyone has psychological defense mechanisms - the human psyche has its own tricks on how to cope with stress, even if these methods are objectively inappropriate. But what if the state of “I want to be a child” lasts a long time?

If you notice day after day that instead of doing things that are appropriate for your age, you want to watch cartoons and collect construction sets, if for some reason you buy soft toys and dolls for yourself, then this is another story. There are two reasons for this state of affairs.

Causes child behavior in adults

1. You feel alone and insecure.

We all remember how simple life seemed to us when we were small and in the care of our parents. We could walk all day, play and do what we want, without thinking about the difficulties. We were protected from any hardships, all our little problems were taken care of and solved - and therefore these very problems did not exist in our life. We felt safe, there was always someone strong next to us who was ready to take responsibility for everything that happens in our life, and therefore we felt good and calm. And, of course, we were just pleased to feel the constant care and attention.

If you are experiencing something similar, then you should listen to yourself and pay more attention to yourself. Relax, take a vacation. Take a break from problems for a while. And, of course, take care of your personal life and review yourrelationships with loved ones - it is obvious that this relationship does not suit you with something if you feel a lack of love and attention.

Think about it - perhaps with infantile behavior you are trying to attract attention to yourself, make your loved ones remember your existence and be kinder to you? Talk to your loved ones, explain your feelings. In some cases, it is much easier and more effective to talk once than to achieve something for months in ways that may be incomprehensible not only to your loved ones, but also to yourself.

2. The second reason for experiencing “I want to be a child” has a completely different connotation. Think - is it time for you to have children?

When we play with children, we ourselves plunge into the world of childhood and become a little bit like children at these moments. We play toys with kids, read children's books and sing songs for kids. But if you are an adult, and you don’t have children yet, then it may happen that parental feelings can manifest themselves in this way. You go shopping and buy toys without understanding why you are doing it - but the fact is that something inside pushes you to buy these toys for ... someone who is not yet near you.

If you know these feelings, then think about this topic more seriously. Of course, if you do not have children, then there are reasons for this. But do not disregard the fact that your subconscious mind wants you to have a baby so much that it directly screams at you about it. Admit to yourself that you want a child, and allow yourself to think in this direction. Maybe a career can wait? And if it's a matter of personal life ... Well, it's time to fix it anyway!

So, we looked at the reasons that can push you to childish behavior and cause an adult to feel “I want to be a child, I want to become small again, I want to return to childhood!”. Which of them is close to you - only you yourself can understand it. How to solve this problem is up to you to think too. But remember that you will not be able to solve the problem until you understand the cause of its occurrence. Good luck to you!

Your Anastasia Cherkasova, psychologist

WOMEN'S INTERNET MAGAZINE "100 WORLDS"

Childhood is a wonderful carefree time when you don’t have to follow moral principles, make serious decisions, think about the future. Surely, you would sometimes like to go back at least for a day to that time when everything seemed so iridescent and cloudless, the world is huge and beautiful, and there was always an affectionate mother nearby. But still, parents are sometimes worried when an 11-year-old girl, instead of starting to be interested in cosmetics and boys, picks up her favorite doll and begins to come up with the plot of a new game. Or a boy of the same age, instead of going fishing or playing football, plays cars or collects Lego. Is there any reason for concern?

Late Adolescence or Peter Pan Syndrome

Such a concept as the Peter Pan syndrome was first described by the American psychologist Dan Kiley. So he designated the state when the boy does not want to enter adulthood and childishness becomes his normal state. Moreover, very often it passes into adulthood, becoming a trait of a person’s character.

But this does not happen in all cases and there are not always serious grounds for alarm. The development of each child is individual, both physical and mental. So it is not always reasonable to rush to “pull out” a child from childhood - anyway, sooner or later, growing up will happen.

When should you sound the alarm?

Observe your child, his behavior. If you do not notice any deviations - violations of speech, perception of information, logical thinking, building cause-and-effect relationships, then you have no reason to worry - the child is completely normal, just not yet mentally ready to be an adult.

If the listed violations are present or you have repeatedly paid attention to the inappropriate behavior of the child, for example, the whims characteristic of three-year-old children, then you may need the help of a psychologist. And in most cases it turns out that the problem that has arisen lies not in the child himself, but in the error of education. And again, this is not a deviation, but simply a tactic of behavior that you can still turn in the right direction.

Why does the child not want to grow up?

And now a little more about what reasons can delay a child in psychological development, preventing him from becoming an adult reasonable person. There are five main reasons.

If, being just a baby, the child was capricious and often achieved what he needed with tears and tantrums, and you did not pay due attention to this problem, then it is possible that the current problem is connected precisely with this. By the age of 7-10 years, the child already clearly understands all the charm of childhood - you can do nothing, easily get everything you want and try to delay this time, choosing exactly the model of behavior that was most effective. And childishness begins again, children's scandals, tantrums, blackmail. In this case, you need to firmly make it clear to the child that such behavior is unacceptable at his age and will not entail any results.
Very often, overprotective parenting is the basis of delayed maturation. Indeed, why become independent if your mother decides everything for you anyway, tells you what is best to do or does everything for you? Even lessons, if you really try. Rigid vigilant control over the child does not discipline him at all. This is a very common parenting mistake. The only thing that can be achieved using this model of education is the denial of independence. Why is it so?
If a child feels constant control over himself, then he may have a fear of making a mistake and causing annoyance, dissatisfaction with those who are infinitely dear to him. And the child shifts decision-making to a person who is smarter in his opinion - a sister, brother, mom or dad, or completely postpones this issue, throwing it out of his head for a long time.
Teach your child not to be afraid of difficulties, learn to respect any of his decisions. If it is not correct, then you should not criticize it - it is better to gently point out the mistakes to the child, describe the possible consequences and ask him to think again. Ask him more questions like an adult - “What do you think? What do you want? How do you think?" Ask and consider his opinion.
The situation is much worse when the child tries to transfer his guilt to others, being afraid to experience it himself. He attributes all his mistakes and actions to others, trying to reduce his own oversight, avoiding responsibility. If you do not make it clear to the child in time that this should not be done in any case, then this character trait will pass into adulthood and thoroughly spoil it.

Try to give your child more independence, praise him if he makes the right decision and make him feel the full burden of responsibility for his careless words and actions.

What if the child does not want to grow up?

If the child behaves perfectly normally and the unwillingness to grow up manifests itself in innocent childishness that does not harm either him or others, then nothing needs to be done. Your child just hasn't played enough toys yet and isn't ready for adulthood. Give him some time.
If growing up is too long, then show it to a psychologist - a sincere conversation and a series of psychological tests will help to find out if his childishness is a deviation from the norm.
Provide your child with a number of simple tasks that he needs to perform daily. For example, throwing out the trash or washing the dishes. He must know that this is exclusively his business and no one will do it for him.
Give him more independence, do not make decisions for him, but push them with leading questions.
Give him the right to choose, do not insist on your decision if it is not critical. For example, if your child does not want to learn to play the piano, then you should not force him to do it. Let him choose his own occupation.
In the overwhelming majority of cases, parents' anxiety is unjustified, and when the time comes, the child grows up on his own. So do not worry ahead of time, but do not leave it unattended either.

Specialists from the Center for Contemporary Childhood Research at the Institute of Education at the National Research University Higher School of Economics told Why are teenagers reluctant to grow up?.

And this statement has good reasons. The age at first marriage has increased by three years, and now young people do not want to get married before the age of 27, and girls do not want to get married before the age of 25. Young people do not want to leave parental care until the age of 23-25, believing that living with mom and dad until this age is quite normal and very comfortable. About 10 years ago, children from the age of 18 strove for independence.

Experts in the field of sociology and child psychology argue that the reasons for slow maturation lie in the education reform.

As before, those who choose to serve in the army after school, and then - marriage, children, family, grow up a little earlier. If a student goes to a university, and from there - to a magistracy, graduate school, then he is not ready for early adulthood in principle, because he becomes an "eternal student."

Society is becoming more complex, routine mechanical labor is often replaced by machine labor, and therefore modernity requires young people to be more intellectual.

For this reason, there are fewer and fewer of those who go to work after the army as a driver without getting an education, and more and more of those who think over their future life from school, starting with entering a university.

The experts emphasized that the process of learning new things is inextricably linked with the feeling of childhood within oneself.

That is why adults so hard and difficult to absorb new knowledge. Therefore, it is not surprising that modern children sometimes remain so until the age of 30. Biological age can no longer be considered a sign of adulthood as such.