Is it worth it to break up with a girl test. How do you know when it's time to leave. The cycle of painful experiences

If you have landed on this page, most likely you have some doubts about the future of your relationship. Doubts can be present in any relationship, and this is normal, but it is possible that your premonitions indicate that the time has come to leave. Ending a relationship is always difficult, even if you know it's the right thing to do. First of all, you need to be sure that you are making the right decision, and for this you need to check if there are signs in your relationship that everything is going wrong. In this article, we'll show you how to do it.

Steps

Be aware of your feelings

Consider if there is something in your partner that you do not want to accept. Do you want him changed for you? If yes, remember that in such conditions it will be fair if the partner also expects changes from you. You can also think about what you want to change. Say out loud: "I think he's a complete slob." Now ask yourself, what advantages in a partner outweigh this disadvantage? If there are significant positives in the relationship, try to accept the person for who they are and don't try to change them.

If the disadvantage is significant, you cannot live with it, and the person does not want to change anything, it is quite possible that it is time to end the relationship.
Maybe you and your partner have different religious beliefs. If your partner doesn't want to accept your faith, which is important to you, you need to seriously consider the future of this relationship.

Think about your own problems. Perhaps you suddenly realize that you do not want to leave because you are afraid to be alone with some internal problems, for example, with the fear of being abandoned, but these fears will be in any relationship. For example, you were cheated on in the past, and you want to break up with a new person just because you are afraid to get attached and open up, and then feel pain again. It's not the best reason to break up. You need to sort out your problems, not run from them.
- If you feel like your personal issues are getting in the way of your relationship, talk to your partner about them so you can see if a solution can be found.
Think about whether you are maintaining this connection just because you do not want to offend your partner. If you tend to think about other people's needs, then it's possible that you don't really want the relationship, but you're afraid to tell your partner that it's over. You need to understand that you are not doing him any good by staying with him just out of pity. Read about how not to be a person who strives to please everyone around.
- If you know that there is no prospect for you in this relationship, it is best to end it as soon as possible, because in this way you will give your partner a chance to recover from the breakup faster and find a more suitable partner for him.
- It's best to end a relationship during quiet times, but that doesn't mean you have to put it off because of birthdays, weddings, Valentine's Day, New Year's Eve with your family, and other events that can make the breakup awkward. All this can drag on indefinitely, and there is no perfect time for a break, although, of course, you can find a more or less suitable moment.
Consider whether you are continuing the relationship just because you are afraid of being alone. Are you worried that you might not have a mate? Often people stay in a relationship because they don't want to be alone, but being with someone to use them is not only dishonest to that person, but also to yourself, because by doing so you are preventing yourself from developing as a person. Learn to live without a partner and be an optimist.

Be ready to accept the fact that you just fell out of love with your partner or he stopped loving you. No one knows why we fall in love with some people and are indifferent to others. Sometimes there is simply no attraction, and sometimes only one in a pair has feelings. It happens. It hurts, but it's nobody's fault. You can't force yourself to love. You may have been madly in love with your partner at some point, but how long did it last? The sooner you sort out your feelings, the sooner you can do something about the situation.

Meditate. Sit alone for a while with your eyes closed, concentrating on your breath. While this won't necessarily open your eyes to what you should be doing with your relationship, it can help you put your mind in order. You may not have had enough time to calmly think things over, listen to your mind and body.

Think about whether you are embarrassed to go anywhere with your partner. This is a very important point. If you're going to a party with friends or co-workers, do you invite your partner to join in knowing they're smart and interesting? Or are you trying to come up with reasons not to take him with you because you don't like being around him?
- Of course, there are very modest people, and some things are better to do without your partner, but in general, you should be proud of the person who is next to you and rejoice at the opportunity to introduce everyone to him. If you don't like the thought of being seen together, can you be happy in a relationship?
Think about your partner
1. Consider if your relationship is based on manipulation and control. Such relationships are not healthy, and in order to correct them, the partner who is prone to tight control must completely change. If he cannot or does not want to do this, the relationship should end as soon as possible. If you feel like your partner is watching everything you do and threatening to kill you if you want to do things your way, you are in big trouble.
  - If you're being manipulated or controlled, it's best not to let the person know about the one-on-one breakup. If you are afraid that he will show cruelty towards you, do it from a distance and ask friends to help you protect yourself.
2. Think about whether your partner respects you. If he truly appreciates you, he won't put you down or criticize you for no particular reason. A loving person criticizes constructively, and this allows you to grow as a person, but if you are humiliated just like that, we are talking about a completely different attitude. For example, if you drop something or accidentally break something, and your partner says something like: “You idiot, can’t you do everything right for once in your life?”, This means that you should end the relationship with this person. and build a relationship with someone who will take care of you.
  - Lack of respect can show up in small things. For example, a partner can make fun of our appearance, make sarcastic remarks about your crank, or hint that you are not good at something. This is also disrespect, no matter how insignificant it may seem.
3. Pay attention to how often your partner scolds you. Fights happen, and they can even be helpful because they allow for constructive discussion of grievances. But if your partner is yelling at you all the time, disagreeing with you, calling you names, and showing unreasonable cruelty, it's time to run away from him.
  
  Consider if your partner is shy about your relationship. This very important moment. If he's shy about going out with you or even telling people that you're dating, this can be considered a warning sign. It is very difficult to justify such behavior, except for cases when the partner is a minor or must hide the relationship from overly authoritarian parents. But if a person wants to keep the relationship a secret from friends and acquaintances or refuses to take your hand in public, it's time to cut off this connection. You need to strive to be in a relationship with a person who is proud of you, and not ashamed of you, because you deserve only the best.
  
  Analyze who typically initiates intimacy. If only you always want intimate relationships, or only you strive to bring something new into this relationship, most likely, this indicates a problem. It is especially frustrating if you constantly have to ask a person to kiss you when meeting or parting. Don't be afraid to talk about it. Maybe your partner has a relationship problem or doesn't want to touch you because you cheated on him. Whatever the difficulties, it is necessary to solve these problems or end the relationship, because there is no other way out of this situation.
  
  Pay attention to whether your partner is forcing you to do something you don't want to. If he forces you to drink alcohol and you don't like it, or forces you to have sex when you're not ready, engages you in ill-advised behavior (such as speeding or assaulting passers-by) and generally acts like What are you afraid of, stop such a relationship. This person does not respect your needs and desires, and you can find another partner to whom you will be important.
  - You may not immediately realize that you did something that you did not like, just so as not to upset your partner.
Analyze relationships
1. Remember if other people warned you about the behavior of the person you are dating. While it's not a good idea to end a relationship just because someone is suggesting that you can find a better mate, you should take into account the opinions of close friends, relatives, and even strangers if they all tell you to run away from your partner as soon as possible. If they make a strong case (for example, the person doesn't like you or wipes their feet on you), it's worth considering a breakup.
  - Of course, not everyone will understand what your relationship is based on, and you cannot evaluate these relationships from the point of view of other people. But if absolutely everyone is telling you to leave your partner, you should at least think whether all these people have reason for such advice.
2. Consider if things are moving too fast. Relationships should have their own special speed, and everyone needs time to get to know each other better. If you've only met a month ago and are already thinking about living together or getting married, chances are that you both enjoy the feeling of being connected to the other person, rather than the person. If you feel that the relationship has covered you with a head, but at the same time you hardly know the person you are dating, you should either slow down or stop.
  
  Consider if you are talking about the future. Of course, if you are 15 years old, talking about marriage, living together, work, common children and other issues may be inappropriate, but if you are 25 or 35 or have been dating for several years, talk about the future should come up naturally. If you have been together for quite a long time, but neither of you sees a future beyond one month, this is most likely due to the fact that you do not consider each other worthy partners for a promising relationship. In this case, you should consider whether it makes sense to linger in such a relationship further.
  
  Consider if there are serious problems in the relationship. There are more or less clear signs that indicate the need for a breakup, but there are also things that almost always indicate that you need to either completely change the relationship or end it. If the following applies to you, consider breaking up:
  - You have experienced physical, psychological or sexual abuse; your money was taken from you or you were otherwise used, as a result of which your health and mental state suffered.
  - Your partner is constantly forcing you to do something you don't like, such as engaging you in criminal or dangerous activities. Harsh ultimatums and threats can be considered factors that indicate the need for a break. Do not fall for the words that if you really love your partner, you will do everything that he asks.
  - In almost every area of relationships, there is struggle or despair: in communication, in sexual life, in finances and emotional connection.
  - There is a lot of jealousy in the relationship. The partner should not limit your freedom and indicate with whom you can communicate and when. He does not control your social life - you control it.
  - Your partner takes alcohol or drugs for a long time and cannot stop this habit, as a result of which your life and the life of your children suffer.
  - You yourself are addicted to alcohol or drugs. By staying in this state in a relationship, you do not make your partner's life and your life better.
  - Your relationship was built on fake values that you no longer need: for example, on joint parties, common hobbies or sex without feelings, but you feel that you are no longer interested in this.
3. Think about whether there is a situation in which you either break off relationships, then return to them again. A loving person always loves, no matter what the situation is, so if your couple breaks up, then converges again, it’s worth putting an end to, because something goes wrong in such a relationship. Don't go back to old problems, spare yourself headaches and heartbreak - there are other people who are waiting to meet you.
  
  Consider whether your goals in life conflict with each other. If you want to become a marine biologist and travel the world, and your partner dreams of being a teacher and living in the city they were born in, close to family and friends, your interests are in conflict. If you don't want children, but your partner wants seven and is ready to start working on it right now, think about it. If you can't give up on the future you want for yourself, and the decision needs to be made quickly, then you should break up.
  - If you are a teenager, your plans for the future may still change, and you have time to think things over. But if you need to start planning for the future now, and your plans don't overlap, it's time to rethink your relationship.
4. Consider if any of you have been unfaithful, especially more than once. Cheating is always bad, whether you've cheated multiple times or just slipped up because you're unhappy in a relationship. You can learn to forgive each other, but if everything repeats over and over again, most likely, going back and starting all over again will not work. Perhaps cheating is a way of telling each other that this relationship is not enough for you.
  
  Think: maybe you just drifted away from each other? This is especially hard to admit. Perhaps you loved each other very much when you were young, but now you are just different people with different sets of friends, plans and interests. If the only thing that unites you is a shared past, then it's time to move on. This is one of the most painful reasons for a breakup, because no one is to blame. You may have tender feelings towards each other, but this does not mean that you should stay together if it is not suitable for the people that you are today.
  
  Remember if you have secrets from each other. Any secrets are a lie, even if you didn't cheat, and that's bad because it speaks of a lack of trust and respect in a relationship. You should not hide anything except surprises for your soulmate. This is not the same as refusing to complain to your loved one about work, because you know that he will quickly get tired of it. Rather, an example of misbehavior would be the desire to keep secret the fact that you went to an interview at a firm where a job means moving to another city, and you do not know what you will do if you get it.
  
  Think about whether you are ready to try for each other. If you used to have romantic picnics, go hiking, make interesting dates, and take care of each other when you had a cold, and now you don't even want to pick up the phone when your partner calls or responds to their text, it means that you need more do for each other. If you don't want it, deep down you feel that this relationship is not worth it.
  
  Assess how much time you spend away from each other. It is possible that mentally you have already parted. If you spend your weekends each with your friends, visiting relatives one at a time, or simply minding your own business, refusing to spend time together (for example, watching TV in different rooms), you are already far enough away. In this case, it is best to leave.
act

I think every woman at least once asked herself the question: "To leave or not."

How to do the right thing in such periods of life?
Before making a decision, you need to let go of the period of falling in love and part with your former self and man.

After that, you will have to get acquainted with the new facets of the manifestations of your companion and yourself ... and with a new depth of love, or, having understood that everything has passed, leave.

All of us in our early childhood demanded maximum love and attention. Some lucky people have received the care they want in abundance... and have grown into more harmonious and loving people than others.

But the majority, unfortunately, experienced a lack of warmth in relations with their parents. And now I don't mean such extreme cases as violence. No. I'm talking about ordinary people who bring up their children with all diligence, but in the way ... as they can do it. And they know what they saw and learned in their childhood.

And there is no reproach in this. The ability to love deeply and sincerely has long been lost in our society...

Why did I write such an introduction? So I want to approach the topic of complex nuances in the relationship between a man and a woman.

The fact is that all of us, deep down, remained little boys and girls looking for unconditional acceptance and warmth. And we demand this from our partner. He, in turn, makes similar claims to us. So we move through a vicious circle of unfulfilled hopes and resentments.

Is it time to get out of this trap? Realize your needs and responsibility for your own life and feelings?

Let's talk about all this today in the context of considering the problem of alienation in the family (couple).

The cycle of painful experiences

In my psychological practice, I often listen to the bitter stories of women about the lack of love, betrayal, abandonment. And all of them can be reduced to something like this scenario ...

... We've been together for 3 (5, 6, 7, 8... years) years. I never doubted the love of a partner. And now I understand that he pulled away from me and lost interest in me.

...This story runs through my whole life, through all relationships with male representatives. Now they exalt me to the skies, then they erase me into dust ...

...But I believed that suffering would never happen again.

... And I again became unnecessary.

...Now I am completely disappointed in the relationship and broken.

... And he wants me less and less and moves away more and more.

...I explain to him how much it hurts me, but he does not hear me. He closed up.

...We live parallel lives.

... Shall I part with him or not?

And usually it all starts with the fact that a woman, barely feeling a cooling in the relationship, not trying to figure anything out, falls into a panic. And he tries by all means to return the former romantic feelings. She diligently explains to her partner how uncomfortable she has become, that she needs the same portions of adoration and attention.

Men, as a rule, respond to these claims by withdrawing into themselves and activating internal defenses. Bumping into this armor, the woman plunges into hysterics even more and tries to break through the partner’s defenses with scandals and quarrels, which only confirms to him that he made the right decision to go on the defensive.

Then the partner is overwhelmed with resentment. And she begins to accuse her companion of indifference, deceit and other sins, driving him into defense even deeper. It is during this period that thoughts of parting come.

And here are two close people gradually. And they are increasingly looking for understanding on the side.

Search for eternal love

With love,

Irina Gavrilova Dempsey

Leave or stay? Relationship test indicator. Test whether to break up with a guy

Leave or stay? Relationship test indicator.

1. I feel disappointed when I think about our relationship.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

2. My husband (wife) has many good character traits.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

3. I enjoy telling other people about the good things in our relationship.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

4. I like to remember and tell other people about how we met.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

5. We can say that our couple does not live according to plan.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

6. My husband (my wife) is an egoist (selfish).

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

7. We love to make plans for the future together.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

8. My husband (my wife) does not understand at what point I start to get angry.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

9. It seems to me that together we can overcome the consequences of conflicts.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

10. My husband (my wife) thinks that I am worse than I really am.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

11. My husband (my wife) always listens to me and thinks about my desires.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

12. My husband (my wife) makes fun and makes fun of me in the company of other people.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

13. My husband (my wife) admires my achievements.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

14. I do not trust my husband (my wife) and I am afraid of betrayal.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

15. We are a wonderful family.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

16. After clarifying the relationship, I doubt that I need this relationship.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

17. We both remember with pleasure our joint past.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

18. I expected (expected) another from family life.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

19. It's safe to say that we both have a sense of "we", we think of us as a couple more often than as individuals.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

20. It seems to me that my health problems are related to the fact that we often conflict.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

21. I often hear unpleasant irony in my address from my husband (from my wife).

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

22. We understand each other so well that when one of us starts a phrase, the other can continue and finish it.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

23. When I think about our marriage, my hands drop.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

24. My husband (my wife) feels good about me.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

25. We have a lot of old conflicts and topics about which we continue to quarrel.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

26. My husband (my wife) react negatively when I am sad.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

27. We love and respect each other.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

28. When we have different opinions about something, we can quarrel over it and never come to a compromise.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

29. My husband (my wife) has strengths that compensate for my weaknesses.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

30. My husband (my wife) often confesses his love to me.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

31. It seems to me that my husband (my wife) is dishonest (dishonest) with me in matters of money and property.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

32. We have something to talk about and we do it with pleasure.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

33. In the evening, when I come home, my husband (my wife) is happy (happy) with me.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

34. I offered (offered) my wife (husband) to leave for a while or get a divorce.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

35. I appreciate our family.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

36. My husband (my wife) tells other people about his love for me.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

37. My husband (my wife) says that I do not cause him sexual desire.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

38. I hear threats against me from my husband (my wife).

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

39. We have achieved a lot together and we like our life together.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

40. I am proud and admire my husband (my wife).

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

41. The actions of my husband (my wife) speak of his (her) respect for me.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

42. My husband (my wife) often takes me with hostility.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

43. My husband (my wife) often raises his voice at me.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

44. We share each other's values and views.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

45. My husband (my wife) is gentle (gentle) with me.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

46. I want my husband (my wife) sexually.

Absolutely disagree

Rather disagree

Difficult to answer

Rather agree

Absolutely agree

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10 signs you need to break up

In the life of a couple, there may come a moment when, as if the veil falls from the eyes, and you realize that everything cannot continue like this. Relationships have reached a dead end and you need to break them right now, because they poison your life and prevent you from moving forward.

But how do you know that you can't be together? After all, we girls tend to drag relationships with us like a dead weight due to pity, habit, or some other feelings. By what signs can we say "Stop" to ourselves?

1. Lack of communication

In the early days of your relationship, neither of you could go an hour without a phone call or text message to each other. It was the norm. Now you sometimes even think that he deliberately ignores your attempts to contact him.

2. No talk about the future

One of the most natural and delightful parts of any relationship is planning for the future together. Vacation plans, dreams about where you would like to build a house, coming up with possible names for future children - all this gives a sense of security, the idea that you will always be together and grow old together. Try to broach the subject now - all you get is a slurred nod. Neither of you wants to discuss where you want to go in the summer or where to go on the weekends anymore.

READ: What Men Don't Forgive in Relationships

3. Reluctance to make an effort

At first, you could not decide what to do for both of you: hiking or picnicking on the river bank - everything was equally delightful and romantic. Now you don’t even want to make an effort and go to a restaurant or to the cinema to somehow support the outgoing passion. Your option now is to sit apathetically at home and watch TV. And it's good if they are together.

4. Quarrels with the transition to the individual

You've had minor, frivolous quarrels before. Now this is a real war, where all means are good. You know each other's weaknesses and vulnerabilities well and use them to simply "get" your partner.

5. Quarrels break out instantly, everything is annoying

Even a slight hint that seems annoying to you leads to the fact that you rush into a quarrel without additional warning. If so, then we can assume that you have deep resentments that poison the relationship. You will never look at your partner the same way again.

6. Quarrels in public

If this happens, then you absolutely do not care if anyone finds out about your problems, this is a sign that you have lost all respect for each other.

7. The desire for independence

At first, you wanted to spend every free minute together, starting with sharing a shower in the morning. Now all you want to do is meet up with friends or even work overtime so you don't spend more time together than is necessary.

8. Loss of trust

No comments here, because trust is the basis of any successful relationship.

9. Change in perception

Remember, once his button nose touched you, seemed charming? Or his short, weird laugh? How funny and affectionate he seemed! Today, the same nose makes him look like a boar, and an idiotic laugh is completely annoying.

READ: Jealousy of an ex - how to deal with it?

10. Lack of sex

Everyone is well aware of how sensual and sexy we become when we start a new relationship. Yes, rabbits are just monks compared to us! But sexuality has gone somewhere, sex happens a couple of times a month, you don’t even imitate anymore, and he, in general, doesn’t care if you enjoyed it.

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How to understand that it's time to leave

Text: Ekaterina Eliseeva

Husband and wife, both in their 100s, came to file for divorce. To the surprised question of the judge, why at the end of their lives they made such a decision, they answered that they were waiting for the children to die, so that it would not be so embarrassing ... Aren't you afraid to find yourself in a similar situation?

We hope our tips will help you decide whether it is really worth continuing / ending the relationship. Making the right choice is always difficult, because the future is usually closely connected with a feeling of fear - internal torment on the topic “What if it turns out that no one needs me anymore?” can prolong the agony indefinitely. At such moments, we often see the future in dark colors and for some reason forget that after a breakup, you can become much happier...

You can't leave... Where to put a comma? It's up to you and only you!

Tip #1: Five red flags

1 You don't like the way this person smells, eats, smiles, touches you. Moreover, what used to be touching in him is now annoying too.
2You are increasingly late at work, meeting with friends, inventing activities for the evening - solely in order to come home as late as possible.
3 Sex is equivalent to the New Year, only the latter happens more often.
4 The word “we” has practically disappeared from your conversations, and indeed, you don’t talk much and haven’t made joint plans for a long time.
5 You are increasingly experiencing pain, the origin of which doctors find it difficult to explain, for no apparent reason it hurts either the throat or the back (somewhere in the region of the shoulder blades), touching the area under the jugular cavity (it is located between the collarbones) becomes more and more painful.

Tip #2: The Time Machine

For this exercise, you will need a piece of paper and a pencil. Turn on your imagination - imagine that ten years have passed, you are still with this person. Now write down the answers to the questions below. If you do not like to express your thoughts on paper, then you can do otherwise - read the question and present the answer to it as a frame from a movie, and then “mount” your tape from these frames.

1. What does your everyday life look like? 2. How are things with your self-esteem and mood?3. What does your social circle look like? 4. What do you enjoy together with your partner? 5. What joint plans have you implemented?6. What important plans for you have remained plans? 7. What did you have to give up for a partner?

Then do this exercise again - imagine that ten years have passed and you have lived them without this person.

1. What does your everyday life look like?2. How are things with self-esteem and mood?3. What is your social circle? 4. Are there any changes in your career, have you changed your place of work or even the field of activity? 5. Where do you live?6. What have you achieved? 7. Have you managed to realize yourself in those areas that you previously had to sacrifice for the sake of a partner?

Compare your recordings (watch both films in turn) - which scenario do you like best?

And finally, for complete clarity, take the test.

Hint #3. Test. Do you need to stay?

Read the statement. If it is correct, click on "Yes", select "No" if this is not your case.

Your result

It seems that practically nothing connects you with this person, and you yourself, most likely, guess about it. As a matter of fact, in your relationship everything is missing, because of which the relationship is called a relationship. Ask yourself - why are you still together? What drives you - guilt, fear of being alone or fear of making a mistake? Copy to blog

Your result

It seems that you often think about whether the time has come to leave. Maybe right now you are experiencing a relationship crisis in which your tenderness and respect for your partner is about to disappear. Do not fold your hands - fight for your happiness together with this person! The best option is to do it with professional help. Copy to blog

Your result

You and your partner have a lot in common - enough to be together. If you work on relationships - you begin to invest strength and energy in them, begin to appreciate what you have, then your relationship has a future. It is very likely that it will be light. Do not make hasty decisions - that dissatisfaction with the partner, because of which you started taking this test, is likely to dissipate quickly. Copy to blog

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Q: Should you break up? ::

Sum of points, test, 05/27/2015

How do you know when it's time to end a relationship? Perhaps our test will help you make the right decision.

Question 1/8: How long can you live without a fight?

Question 2/8: Imagine for a moment that you are alone again? What do you feel?

Question 3/8: How do you feel when your partner spends the weekend without you?

Question 4/8: What do you usually fight about?

Question 5/8: Do you take your partner into account when thinking about the future?

Question 6/8: In general, in important things like marriage, sex, money and life priorities, you and your partner:

Question 7/8: Did you cheat on each other?

Question 8/8: Do you still feel love and attraction for him/her as you did at the beginning of the relationship?

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Crisis in relationships. 5 signs it's time for you to break up

How to understand that your relationship has no future

Any couple sooner or later faces difficulties and, as a rule, persistently tries to cope with them. But is the game always worth the candle? How to understand that the best way out of the crisis of relations is parting?

you have different goals

Even in the most difficult times and in moments of the most heated quarrels, the lifeline for lovers is the realization of a common goal. Conflicts and misunderstandings are possible on the way to common dreams, but the presence of these dreams determines the whole meaning of the path. If you want to become a mother in the near future and dream of your own home, and your beloved does not consider the housing issue a priority and believes that the main thing in life is a career, and children only interfere with it, ask yourself the question: what actually unites you? Sexual attraction and the common company of friends is great, but what do you both want from life? The lack of common goals will inevitably become a stumbling block in your relationship and the cause of constant quarrels, and as a result, one day you will part, regretfully admitting that you are simply not on your way.

You constantly avoid sex

Of course, if you have been together for several years, it is somewhat naive to expect from each other the passionate ardor of first dates and sex several times a day - unbridled drive eventually gives way to harmony, warmth and tenderness. Stress at work, fatigue and poor health inevitably make their own adjustments to the schedule of intimate dates, but a conscious avoidance of intimacy is a completely different matter. If you notice that you are constantly looking for an excuse not to have sex with your chosen one, this is a pretty serious signal.

You don't trust him

Cheating or serious deceit can not only provoke a relationship crisis, but also deprive you of the ability to trust your loved one. Restoring the old trust can take more than one year and requires a lot of mutual efforts. True, sometimes no effort is enough to glue together broken happiness - and in this case, you need to find the courage in yourself and admit that it's time to put an end to the relationship. If bitter memories of betrayal continue to hurt you even after a long time, and every step of your beloved leads to suspicion - seriously think about whether you need such torment. Keeping a relationship just for the sake of a relationship is not the best option.

Relationships hurt you

Any relationship is work, usually difficult and requiring compromises. However, sometimes we confuse compromise with the habit of constantly stepping on our throats. If the relationship crisis has dragged on, ask yourself: are you actually happy? What do these relationships give you - a feeling of warmth, comfort and security, or constant anxiety and unpleasant experiences? In the film Sex and the City, Charlotte answers this question very revealingly: in response to Samantha’s statement that “relationships are not supposed to make us happy all the time”, she objects: “I am happy every day. Certainly not all day every day. But every day." Samantha was inspired by this confession to end the relationship. The step is difficult and painful. But honest.

You quarrel for any reason

Without exaggeration - for any reason. This point is especially important if things that you previously perceived quite calmly become the reason for quarrels. If any little thing becomes a cause for conflict, and everything causes irritation - from his habit of singing in the shower (which used to seem so cute) to the way he drives a car, it's worth asking yourself what's going on. If chronic dissatisfaction is not associated with external circumstances (for example, financial difficulties or a tense situation at work), then it cannot be ignored, and even more so if this dissatisfaction is mutual. It is possible that petty quarrels are just the tip of the iceberg, and in reality you are going through a crisis of love relationships, the best way out of which, perhaps, is separation.

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Hello dear readers of the blog Samprosvetbulletin!

“How to understand that it is time to part with a man? We've known each other for several months and I can't figure out if he's the right man or just another balabon. Doubts gnaw at me. He says he loves me, but he might hang out with old college friends for the weekend instead of hanging out with me. So he can be busy for me for weeks. I know that he doesn’t have another, but it’s still not clear how he really treats me and I have prospects with him, ”Victoria wrote.

“... lately I began to wonder if he is a suitable man? I am dissatisfied with many things in his behavior, but it is a pity for the time spent on him, and I am not sure that I will find a better one. Before him, I was alone for 5 years. Relations with him are like a zebra, then everything is fine - a white stripe, then suddenly a black one. I have the impression that I need our relationship alone, but he doesn’t seem to care. But if I let the relationship fall apart, then I've lost. How to understand that it is time to part with a man? - wrote Irina.

Read about how to understand if a man really loves you → here.

If you began to wonder if you made the right choice of a man and whether he suits you, then this article is for you.

Would you like to know what red flags predict that with this man there is no prospect in a relationship and he will only bring problems? Most of us are not strong in the forecast of relationships and do not know when it makes sense to leave. In this article, I will show you red flags that warn you that a man is not right for you and you should not continue with him.

13 red flags that show that a man is not right for you

1. Since you started dating, there is no personal growth for both you and him.

Before entering into a relationship, you must experience some problems together (survive a small crisis and be able to get out of it) and be sure that both of you are able to overcome difficulties. If you were unable to cope with the problems, could not survive the crisis and become even stronger after that, then you should think carefully before making a decision about a relationship.

2. You are not in one of the three priorities of his life.

He finds time to work extra hours for a big bonus, plays on the computer every day, helps his uncle in the garage, meets with a group of old friends on weekends, goes on vacation with them. But he can't answer your call or can't meet you. So you are not a priority in his life.

Pay attention to the top three things he does each week. Are you on this list? If not, you may just close your eyes to the truth and don't want to see what's not important to him.

3. You have a feeling that a man is hiding something from you.

It takes time for trust to develop between two people, but if you constantly feel like he's hiding something, you probably need to put in a lot more effort before getting into a relationship. You should know basic information about him, what he does for a living, what kind of education and lifestyle he has.

You must be able to rely on him, be sure that he will do what he promises. If you have a feeling that something is happening in his life, and he is hiding it from you, then you are most likely next to the wrong person for you.

4. Friends you trust don't like him, and he doesn't like them in turn.

When you are in love, it is unpleasant to hear criticism from friends about your new beau. But if friends you trust have bad feelings about a man, then you should listen to them ...

5. You never know if he will show affection or be cruel.

Blaming and attacking often go hand in hand with charm and cajoling when we are dealing with dangerous men who are aggressive and try to keep their victims close to them. Your safety is the most important thing and no excuse can make emotional or physical abuse acceptable.

6. He mistreats other people.

Such a man always has reasons not to pay child support, he believes that the world turned on him, he had a hard break, his ex is a witch, his boss is a monster, and he himself is perfect and never makes mistakes.

If he blames and scolds everything and everyone around him, perhaps he just does not want to look at himself from the outside? What are the chances of building a healthy relationship with such a person?

7. He doesn't value your opinion.

He always expects you to do what he thinks is right. Your every choice or opinion is immediately rejected by him.

Sometimes women are happy to let a man decide everything for them, but if your opinions, preferences and choices are consistently not welcomed, you are around the wrong man.

8. He has funds for entertainment, but he cannot pay the rent.

At first, such a man is very fun. He knows how to have a good time. But over time, it becomes clear to you that he has problems with priorities if he is going to go to the Maldives with you, and he himself has rent arrears.

9. He is already married.

I will not dwell on married men. If this is your case, see → here.

10. You are the only one who goes all out.

Relationships cannot be one-sided. If a man doesn't put in the effort to develop or maintain a relationship, you'll soon feel empty, drained, and unsatisfied. If a man takes more than he gives, it's time for you to start thinking about yourself.

11. The man did something unforgivable.

Cheating, especially at the beginning of a relationship, destroys trust and then the relationship itself and may not be acceptable. Also, any abuse and disrespectful behavior means that it is time for you to run from a man. Men who mistreat you should be cut out of your life. This is not the time to be patient and understanding.

12. You are always trying to change a man.

You cannot start a relationship and then try to change the character traits or behavior of a man that do not suit you. Arguing, criticizing, trying to control other people's behavior is unhealthy, it creates resistance and disappointment for both partners. If there's a lot you don't like about a man and you want to change that, then maybe it's time to find someone else.

13. You fantasize about past or imagined future relationships.

When we are unhappy with a man or when we have doubts about future success, we often start thinking about other people. We can compare our gentleman with a former love or with someone else. There is nothing wrong with the comparison itself, but when we begin to idealize past relationships and dream about other men, it is an unmistakable sign that the current relationship is terrible.

Of course, this is not a complete list, perhaps you could add to it based on your own experience. But I have given the main points that are worth paying attention to. If at least one of the points fits your situation, it's time to seriously think about whether the man next to you is right.

Why do we hold on to unpromising relationships

We often hang on to unpromising relationships for too long, hoping that things will turn out for the better. The reason for this is the wrong attitudes laid down in us by our parents and close circle.

1. I won or lost

We realize that we have made an effort, especially if the acquaintance or relationship has lasted for some time and we want to return our “investment”. For many, parting with a man is like a defeat. Some say so, if I break up, then I lost, and if I get married, I won. That is, they look at their acquaintances and relationships through the prism of winning and losing.

The attitude “I won or lost” is formed in the family and close environment, when the child is constantly compared with other children or their own expectations, when the child feels that the love and support of parents is dosed, depends on the conditions and must be earned. The child develops the idea that he in himself is of no value and is not worth loving. The value lies in comparison with others, with some expectations and standards.

“If I am better than my schoolmates, brother, sister, and so on, my parents will love me more.”

Not only parents and loved ones can influence, but also peers. To be your own and enter the circle of friends, you must meet the standards of this group. Here again, the value of a person is determined through comparison with the rest and is evaluated from the outside.

Women who view their dating and relationship success as a win or lose:

allow the shortcomings of a man to destroy his emotional world;
feel victimized by people and events;
their lives are controlled by the attitude of a man towards them;
ready to please or please a man to the detriment of their well-being;
they draw strength from their popularity with other people and their approval of their actions;
they lack the courage to express their feelings and beliefs;
they easily fall under the influence of strong personalities.

If in dating and relationships you always have two options in your head, either “win” or “lose”, try first changing this setting to “win or not get involved.” This means that if the behavior of a man and his views on life and relationships do not suit you, you will not mess with him.

With this mindset, you can't lose, you either win or move on.

If you use the "don't mess" attitude as a possible course of action, you feel free, because you do not have to constantly push the man to have everything your way, you do not have a negative attitude towards what is happening. If your boyfriend does not meet your needs, then you simply do not contact him.

2. I won't find better

Many women are simply afraid to be alone and therefore try to keep what they have. Better to be in any relationship than none, they think. And they continue to hold on to a man with their hands and feet, even if their needs are not met and they are treated badly.

This setting is followed by insecure women with low self-esteem. But the truth is, there is nothing worse than being in a bad relationship. Fear of being alone shouldn't force you to stay with someone who isn't right for you. Breaking up can be difficult and painful, but it is always better than an unhealthy and painful situation.

Many women who are now happily married, once, perhaps, also stopped acquaintance with an unsuitable man. Life is the result of all our choices, conscious and unconscious. If you can control the selection process, you can control every aspect of your life.

If you are one of those who are afraid that they will not find a better man, try to implement the following principles in your life:

use creativity - look for ideas and opportunities outside the present moment and your environment;
be firm, don't be afraid to say what you want and say "no" when you don't want something;
clearly define your goal and move progressively towards it;
think positively;
remember that the world is teeming with opportunities.

Breaking up, even when it's the only choice, is hard. But do not forget that any pain of parting is only a small part of the pain that can be in a bad relationship with the wrong person for you.

The main thing to remember is that parting with the wrong man is the first step towards your true happiness.

Good luck and see you soon on the pages of Samprosvetbulletin!

dating-zamuzh.ru

How to leave a guy?

As practice shows, girls are often tormented by the question “how to break up with a guy?”. It’s easy to break off a relationship, it’s much more difficult to understand whether it’s worth breaking up with a guy or whether it’s better not to chop off your shoulder and weigh everything.

How to part with a guy beautifully, without desecrating everything that was bright between you? How not to look like a villain and not feel guilty? You will find answers to all these questions in this article.

Why girls leave guys

Contrary to all expectations, I would like to say that the reasons for leaving a guy most often are not that the image of a young man has nothing to do with a fictional prince on a white horse. Often, girls, drawing an ideal in their imagination, love completely opposite men, and this is quite normal. Therefore, the reason for the separation must be sought in something else.

The girl who thought about the question "how to break up with a guy?" First of all, it is worth understanding what she really needs. What is the idea and motives for the breakup? Quite often, with this very throwing, the girl manipulates the guy and tries to push him to someone's decision.

Should you leave your boyfriend?

Often an attempt to break up occurs under the fear of being abandoned and losing the leverage of managing relationships. The passivity of a guy or his dryness can cause an internal imbalance in a girl and lead her to the wrong decision. For example, consider the case where a girl says: “I thought about the question “how to propose to a guy to break up?” because we rarely see each other. He doesn’t call me or text me first, the initiative always comes from me.” In this case, the desire to leave the guy arose from the fact that the girl is experiencing an internal imbalance, losing the leverage of managing relationships, and parting is just an attempt to make her beloved cherish her. Under such conditions, the desire to leave is just an illusion, sometimes so realistic that a girl can be seriously inspired by it.

Before thinking “What is the best way to leave a guy?” - understand yourself. Analyze your motives and honestly answer the question: “Is the breakup an attempt to turn the tide in your favor?”.

However, it happens that the desire to part with a guy is very logical and deliberate. From girls you can often hear something like "He's so good, caring, but I don't like him." This very “good, caring” thing makes you suffer, because leaving a good guy is bad. The young man will be offended and unhappy, and against his background you will be presented as a villain. An internal conflict arises, in which it is difficult to think how beautiful it is to leave a guy. It seems much easier to magically disappear than to take responsibility for a breakup.

To the reasons why the question “should I leave a guy?” also, it makes sense to refer - social. For example, “my parents don’t like him”, “he is poor and will not be able to support me”, “he is from another social network. circle." Usually all this is dictated by society and originates in our minds with the participation of friends, colleagues and other people around us. Answer yourself the question “do you really want to break up with a guy or does society want this?”, think carefully, and only then proceed to the next step.

Throw a guy right

If you are still interested in the question “How to break up with a guy?”, Then we will continue. First you need to analyze the situation a little more. To do this, you need to take paper and a pen in your hand, and then write down all your thoughts.

1. Be honest with yourself and, before making a decision, once again think about whether the breakup is an attempt to achieve something?

2. Project in your mind how you see the future after a breakup? If images of a crying guy involuntarily pop up, praying for a reunion, then your separation is still an attempt to influence a young man. In such situations, it is better to resort to other methods.

3. Think about the point at which you were not satisfied with the relationship? This will help you understand the cause of the imbalance and analyze whether something can be corrected.

Conversation - parting

Yes, it's a personal conversation! Not a dead sms with a beautiful text, not a poem on a social network will not give you the necessary “point”, which is necessary for both.

How to leave the guy you love? What to say, how to behave?

When there are feelings, breaking up with a guy is much more difficult, so weigh everything again. If in the course of your reflections you have come to the conclusion that a break can be avoided by taking certain steps, then the conversation should be about this.

If your decision is final and irrevocable, then:

How to break up with your boyfriend? Step - Completion. The most difficult.

In order for all previous efforts to make sense, after a decisive conversation, you need to be cruel for some time. The main thing to do is not to give hope for reunification.

Most likely, the guy who had feelings for you will call you, trying to arrange a meeting, clinging to any opportunity to extend the relationship with you. Your task during this period is to politely but cruelly refuse.

Be prepared that this stage can take a long time. At this time, the guy will suffer, but it is worth remembering that your coldness is for his own good. It would be much worse and meaner of you to give hope for the resumption of relations. It is better to chop off immediately than to saw slowly and for a long time on the living. After a while, the guy will be rehabilitated and will understand that you behaved correctly.

Perhaps everything that was listed earlier will seem too complicated for you, and you will be afraid of responsibility, but remember that life is different and it may happen that you will be abandoned in the role, so disappear from the life of your young man without explanation it is forbidden. When doing something, always put yourself in the place of another person, and you will make fewer mistakes.

What to wear to your first meeting with a guy

When two people start dating, they think that problems and troubles will bypass their union. But time passes, and a crack appears in the relationship ... How to understand that separation is inevitable, and in which cases, on the contrary, it is worth reviving feelings, the site tells.

Indeed, what can serve as a serious reason for parting?

Are there any signs that it's time to end the relationship and start a new life?

Of course, each person has his own criteria for the quality of life, including personal. Someone is able to instantly decide to part, as soon as they feel bored in a relationship, and for someone even treason does not serve as a basis for divorce.

If we take our personal satisfaction, inner harmony and happiness as a criterion, there are very clear signals for understanding that the relationship has exhausted itself.

Lack of intimacy

boredom for two

Parting

Even if you are alone with your partner, you still feel lonely. You have nothing to talk about, even joint events do not contribute to the revival of your relationship. Movies, performances, travel - no matter how many there are, you still have nothing to talk about.

You prefer to spend time with your girlfriends because it's so much more fun. If you are going to vacation, you prefer to travel in a large company, rather than alone with your husband. Your conversations are reduced to solving everyday issues.

You are bored together and therefore you tend to spend time in large companies and noisy, crowded places. So your interaction is reduced to a minimum, and there is a reason for communication - a discussion of other people.

The saddest thing is when only one of you experiences such feelings.

Parallel Worlds

You live as if in different dimensions. Each of you has your own interests that never intersect. What he likes, you don't care, and vice versa. That is why you prefer to relax separately.

He has his friends, you have yours. You spend less and less time together, this is not surprising, because nothing connects you, except for everyday life. You notice that you are even better off alone than with a husband who does not understand and does not accept your interests at all.

You never take him to parties, he never invites you to keep him company.

With age, you change, you have new interests, if your partner does not share them, you move away. When partners develop in different directions or at different speeds, a marriage of love turns into a marriage of convenience - people live together because it is more convenient for them.

Indifferent attitude

You don’t miss each other at all, you don’t worry about your husband’s affairs, and he about yours. Everything that happens to your spouse does not cause you any emotions. If he tells you something, you catch yourself thinking that you are not interested, even tiring. You are too lazy to choose gifts for your husband, you are content with the standard options - what you bought nearby.

You are much more comfortable when your husband is not around, because this way you can go about your business, not delve into his problems and not adapt to him. You don't care where and with whom he stayed and why he doesn't invite you to a corporate party.

These feelings can be mutual.

How to make the right decision?

Lack of communication

Parting

You call up only if you need to discuss everyday and business issues, “just chat”, “missed you” - for you it is already in the distant past. At home, you do not share your impressions of the day, do not discuss anything but everyday problems, and after dinner, you go to the TV or computer - each in his own direction.

You do not have any need for communication, you prefer to discuss news with a friend, and not with your husband.

Communication involves the exchange of opinions, thoughts, observations, joint pursuit of any business that unites you, gives you joy, inspiration, makes you feel for each other Love. Without full communication, a love union dies.

Minimum physical contact

As soon as your husband wants to hug or kiss you, you involuntarily push away from him. He can do the same. If both of you have cooled off towards each other, then, probably, you have not kissed at a meeting for a long time, do not hug and do not hold hands.

Perhaps your sexual relations have already disappeared, or have become rare and unemotional, even if you have a good rest or are on vacation. A minimum of tactile contact is a serious signal of a cooling relationship.

Reluctance to develop relationships

You plan leisure without each other. Increasingly, say “I” rather than “We” when talking about the future. The saddest thing is if your most important life plans do not match. For example, you want children, but your husband does not, or vice versa.

Or he wants to emigrate to Europe, and you don't want to leave Russia for anything. Or he dreams of quitting the business, becoming a freelance artist, and you are not ready to change your financial situation so drastically and endure hardships.

Or maybe you want to get married, and your partner after 5 years of marriage does not even think about marriage.

1. Lack of communication

2. No talk about the future

3. Reluctance to make an effort

4. Quarrels with the transition to the individual

You've had minor, frivolous quarrels before. Now this is a real war, where all means are good. You know each other's weaknesses and vulnerabilities well and use them to simply "get" your partner.

5. Quarrels break out instantly, everything is annoying

6. Quarrels in public

If this happens, then you absolutely do not care if anyone finds out about your problems, this is a sign that you have lost all respect for each other.

7. The desire for independence