The collision of dreams and reality in the life of Oblomov (based on the novel of the same name by I. A. Goncharov). Myths and realities of family life

Many people dream of family happiness and seek to build a harmonious relationship with their loved one.

However, lovers often quarrel, and spouses get divorced in the first year of marriage, because relationships instead of happiness bring couples only disappointment.

Adequate and reasonable individuals who once dreamed of love turn into terrible monsters in a relationship, insulting and humiliating each other, making exorbitant demands on each other.

Why is this happening? Why, on the way to the dream of family happiness, do many “turn the wrong way”? What should be done and what should be done to create a truly happy family? How to build harmonious relationships? We will talk about this topic in this article.

Why don't relationships work?

The main cause of strife between people building relationships is one extremely harmful belief: "Someone else has to make me happy." Unfortunately, most adult personalities actually remain infantile children all their lives, and in the worst sense of the word.

Such people lose the best childhood traits. They no longer know how to sincerely laugh and enjoy life, enjoy simple things and actions, be spontaneous and open, greedy for new knowledge and skills.

Instead, the belief that someone has to make me happy stays with them for life. So they don't have a relationship.

What is growing up?

Each child, as they grow older, should gradually acquire a sense of responsibility for their life and actions. First, the baby learns to control his natural urges so as not to wet the diapers anymore, then to move independently, after that - to express his emotions in words, to understand where you can climb without consequences, and where you should not climb.

Over time, this helps to realize that not all of his "wants" should be immediately satisfied, including the dream of family happiness. Many of our contemporaries are still stuck at that stage of development when their every desire must be immediately fulfilled by someone or something from the outside.

And if it is not fulfilled, people get offended, shout, grumble and show their discontent in every possible way. Such people, by definition, cannot create a happy family, and further we will take a closer look at why relationships do not work out.

Infantile people

The fact is that infantile personalities, in fact, do not want to be responsible for themselves and their lives. Moreover, they do not even want to admit that they should do it. All their relationships with the outside world come down to the demand: “Give!” And if the world does not want to give a capricious child what he demands, the child blows his lips and begins to scold everything around according to the principle: “Mom did not give a chocolate bar - a bad mother!”

Such people are immediately visible: they often condemn the government, officials, friends, relatives, the weather and the location of the stars in the sky, blaming everyone for their endless adversity.

In all the people around them and even phenomena, infantile personalities see parents who a priori owe them everything that the child requires, of course, absolutely free of charge and without any effort.

Tell me, can such people create a happy family? Imagine two such capricious children meet, who do not know how to build harmonious relationships and begin to beg from each other: “Give it! Give! Give!".

Both demand, being sincerely sure that they "should", and no one wants to give anything. Absurd, right?

The Secret to a Happy Relationship

To enter into a relationship and find family happiness, you should stop being an infantile person. And for this you need to understand that each of us with age should become "his own parent."

After all, we all understand that in order to have something to eat, you need to earn money, buy food and cook food. We do not sit like chicks with open mouths and do not expect manna from heaven to fall on us from above. Before you get something, you need to do something, give something, somehow invest.

And if everything is more or less clear to us with food, then why can’t we transfer this principle to other areas of our activity, including solving the issue of how to improve relationships?

However, most people cannot even arrange their own lives, satisfy at least their own needs, live unhappily and for some reason believe that relationships and family life (read - the other person is most likely just as infantile) will solve this problem.

"A man must, a woman must"

Many girls believe that their husbands should completely solve their material problems, as well as provide them with gifts and entertainment. And men, on the other hand, expect their wives to take care of the housework, cook, wash and clean, as well as admire their husbands and constantly praise them.

As a result, instead of mastering some profession and going to work in order to provide themselves with finances, as well as find hobbies and friends, girls throw all their efforts into finding a groom who should make them happy, preferably rich and successful.

And men, instead of learning how to effectively manage the household on their own, as well as achieve success in their careers, sports and other activities in order to stabilize self-esteem, which would not need external feeding, they see their dream of family happiness in women who are ready to do all this. give them "for free, because they supposedly have to."

Codependent relationships, and what are their dangers?

The only way out that the representatives of both sexes could find for themselves is “exchange”: a man earns and entertains, and a woman hosts and admires. I am for you, and you are for me.

This is a co-dependent model of relationships, and it cannot bring family happiness. For some time, such a “scheme” in the family will work, but then “failures” will invariably begin, which are most often expressed in disputes between spouses, whose contribution to the relationship is more important and valuable.

The husband will be sure that he bears the main burden of responsibility - material support and protection, and the wife gives him very little in return. She does not clean perfectly, and cooks not very tasty, and she has become worse looking, although she should always shine and shine for him. hence the dissatisfaction.

The wife will argue, shouting that she, working with the housework and with children, almost never rests, does not receive a salary for this, serves her husband, and he gives her little money, does not want to pay attention, and it is impossible to wait for help from him.

Each will strive to “sell more expensively” their services: do less and demand more, until, in the end, the spouses quarrel completely and divorce. Why? Because both are infantile individuals who believe that they should be made happy because they should, period.

How to create a happy family?

Only those people who can provide themselves with money, comfort, entertainment, and recreation can create a happy family. Harmonious relations are possible only between two initially happy and - independent of external circumstances, from the "will of fate", from other people.

Such individuals enter into relationships and family life only in order to be close to their loved one, and not in order to receive as much benefit from him as possible, because they provide themselves with everything necessary.

One who is not happy with himself will not be happy with another. Usually, independent, non-infantile people invest equally in family relationships: money, attention, housekeeping. In principle, they can also divide their contributions according to the principle “the wife is responsible for the household, the husband for material support,” but it will look fundamentally different than in a family of infantile spouses.

After all, the wife will understand that making money is not an easy task, because she once earned her own living, and the husband will also realize that housekeeping is a lot of work, since he himself had to provide himself with comfort in everyday life. This is their secret.

Such people will respect the activities and contributions of each other, and it will not occur to them to devalue the work of a loved one. How to build harmonious relationships? Just. Finally, get out of the infantile age, take responsibility for your life, make yourself happy and provided with all the necessary benefits, and only then decide how to improve relationships and family happiness.

Then everything will work out for you, and your reward will be a harmonious and happy family, which we wish you!

There are mistakes that can cost life and happiness.

Isn't it scary to do them?

Isn't it scary not to build anything or to lose everything?

Isn't it scary to realize that you were wrong, at the end of days, when nothing can be changed?

It is unlikely that anyone would like such a fate for themselves.

What helps to avoid fatal mistakes?

The answer is simple: KNOWLEDGE AND WILL.

You need to know what the danger is, and you need to know how to avoid it.

You need to have the will to do it, not to break, not to bend and emerge victorious.

Before you find out what are the 7 most dangerous mistakes in dreams of marriage, please:

Give yourself time for an honest analysis

Call a spade a spade

Refrain from self-justification

Read. Analyze. Draw your own conclusions. Fix it.

Mistake #1. Uncertain position

You dream of marriage, but in reality you have not decided.

Know what is DETERMINATE? This concept includes at least 4 stages.

A) understand the concepts. What does family mean, what is its purpose? For what? For what?

B) stop, put your hand on your heart and ask yourself: do i want to start a family?

C) if the answer is "yes" - it is necessary stop do everything that can be threat marriage.

D) carry your decision Honestly and be ready to act. This means not only reacting, but also making decisions and following them.

If you are undecided, dreams are just to amuse the imagination. And then - it would be better if they were not. They just eat your energy. And they will eat if you don't help yourself. Decide!

A woman dreams of marriage, and at the same time goes with the flow, flirts desperately, maintains sexual relations with random or inappropriate people, hides from serious questions (for example, does she want to have children), is not ready to sacrifice personal comfort, cultivates bad habits, etc. d. - all this signs of uncertainty your intentions. Or don't dream or decide.

If you don’t know where to start, read, for example, the very informative “Prayer of a Maiden for Marriage”. Read E. Avdeenko "Transitional Age. How to get married correctly? Conversations with high school students", books by I. Shugaev, D. Filimonov. Talk to wise people. Look for your sources. If your desire is strong, you will definitely find them. But: be persistent.

Know: men feel very well when a woman does not have certain positions and lives according to the principle "where the curve will take you." They have a wonderful instinct for it.

Perhaps it seems to you that you are dreaming of marriage, but in fact, the hormone adrenaline sets the criterion for your happiness.

Mistake #2. "All of a sudden"

You dream of happiness, but ... you do not know how to understand who your real life partner is. You don't have criteria. And every man SUDDENLY can be one. Therefore, you agree to much or everything that the men you meet offer. And SUDDENLY it's him? ... You think that you are conducting a kind of test that will help you understand - is it HE or not HE. It will help not to miss OWN, not to pass by.

Let's be honest. This is a VERY DANGEROUS PATH. Not only that no criteria you are likely to get even more confused. Rest assured, this is a loss path. Each such test is a loss. This is not always easy to understand. And now it is very fashionable to call it experience. And enjoy the experience. Of course, it is difficult for a person not to justify himself ...

The worst thing is that this path can become irreversible. You lose your bearings, you lose time, you lose faith. Lose health. And the dream turns to zilch.

Respect yourself, very carefully figure out what kind of person is in front of you. Don't close your eyes to anything! If you are not sure of your conclusions - ask for help from loved ones, do not dismiss their opinion. In this matter, it is better to play it safe.

Perhaps, dreaming of marriage, you are afraid of not recognizing your betrothed, and therefore you open your arms to everyone who asks ...

Mistake #3. Wrong person

You dream of marriage, fall in love, become attached, and your chosen one marries another.

This is a very painful situation. It is very costly for you - you invest your mental strength, time ... Sometimes there is a lot of both.

We are not talking now about all kinds of gigolos, that is, deceivers. We just need to understand whether it is "the one that" or it is "not the one".

To do this, test your object like this.

First. Which one of you is looking to meet? If you, you and only you, this is not just a wake-up call, it is a stop signal. If he is so interesting to you, then you can be friends with families, and now - stop.

Second. Why is he dating you? Try not to attribute to the object what is not. Be real. What "peeps through, peeps and slips through" and "what he himself is not aware of" - this is most likely your illusion.

The man who will become your husband is looking for a meeting WITH YOU. He respects you, reaches out to you, wants to be near you, trusts, consults, seeks to please, is ready to help.

These are the kind of men you just have to look at. Loving bad and mysterious men is terribly fashionable, but usually just stupid.

Who dares to dictate fashion to you? Better you dictate the fashion for family happiness.

And don't think that you can't control your feelings. You just have to want.

Perhaps you understand that the one you dream of marrying does not love you. You just can't and don't want to stop.

Mistake #4. consumer position

Do you dream of family life, but do you know that family life is Job? What is this mass of new duties, worries, anxieties? Don't be under any illusions, know that it is.

If you are in the mood consumer- better stop dreaming right now, don't waste your time.

Do not expect that you will come across a husband who serves himself and still enjoys it. Maybe half a percent of men are like that, but counting on it is harmful. For your dreams.

Of course, you will have more worries. Whether you like it or not, you will be the hostess. Come to terms with this thought.

Acquire useful skills, put things in order in your head. This will always come in handy, and in family life - doubly so.

About good and very good. In marriage, you invest, but you also receive. But in what form you will receive your dividends, benefits and bonuses - it is impossible to predict. It depends on you personally, and a lot of things. Marriage is a very serious transformation.

Perhaps you dream of a marriage in which you will not give, but receive.

Mistake #5. The powers of heaven will arrange everything

You dream of a family life and give this issue to the mercy higher powers. Do you believe in stories like: "One girl was a homebody, she had no girlfriends or friends. She was not going to get married, but one day her mother brought her photograph to work, she was seen by a young-beautiful-smart-kind mother's colleague, immediately fell in love and they got married.

You not only believe in such stories, but even think that this is how it should be. In your opinion, this is what is called "God sent." You think that such situations are the most correct, and everything else is from the evil one.

Therefore, in anticipation of a message from heaven, you avoid any action. You cultivate NEUTRALITY in everything so as not to frighten away the purity of expectation. You even avoid looking at people, because the one who is intended for you as a husband will receive a signal directly from above and find you himself.

Yes, it happens. But can he overcome the wall you've built when he finds you? But what if he looks at things the same way as you and waits for a sign from you? Fatalism is not a realistic perception of being. We are free to both find our happiness and miss it.

Humble your pride and fear nothing. It is so beautiful, so inspiring when a woman dreams of love, family and happiness from the bottom of her heart. Normal men respect this position.

Perhaps you dream of marriage, which will be brought to you on a platter straight from heaven.

Mistake #6. Despondency

You dream of a family life, but it still doesn’t exist, and you lose heart.

Despondency is a dangerous, terrible, strong, experienced... ENEMY! Despondency should be treated like an enemy.

If you decide that you have every right to be discouraged - know that this is tantamount to opening a hatch in a bathyscaphe at great depths. You will be demolished, flooded, destroyed.

The state of despondency has its sweetness - you can do nothing. And to do - it is necessary. If you do not want to be at the mercy of the ENEMY and end your life unhappy, crushed and disillusioned.

What to do? The answer may surprise you, but still - humble yourself. Try to figure it out what does it mean. Humility is not at all what the everyday mind is trying to present to us, it is not an attempt to expose the top of the head sprinkled with ashes to the whole world. This is a process that will help uncover all the beauty of your soul and which leads to happiness. Where do you want?

Perhaps you are dreaming of marriage too impatiently, while your application is being studied in the heavenly office and executors are being appointed.

Mistake #7. false images

You dream of marriage, while you cherish inadequate ideas about marriage. It prevents you from seeing reality and opening up to it.

Popular culture churns out an appalling amount of false images of happiness. Strong tanned arms, long glances, hugs against the backdrop of the sea and the raging sunset...

The more you are drawn into the magical world of mass media, the fatter it becomes glass wall between you and reality. Only behind this wall no one loves you simply because there is no one here.

Faithful, loving people are sometimes unshaven and hungry, they catch colds and go bald, they don't remember important dates, and even their best clothes need washing... But they are real and can make you happy. Down with the glass wall, manifest respect for reality.

Perhaps you dream of marriage, but in fact you love a fictional character. And continuation - should not be.

Working on mistakes will become a serious, and possibly a key step towards family happiness.

Be open and honest about what's bothering you.

Make a "Worry List" - for yourself.

Work through each item, that is, determine the actions that will help you eliminate interference.

Dream of a happy family life calmly and confidently. You have no idea how beautiful dreams are based on reality!

The central character of I. A. Goncharov’s novel “Oblomov” is Ilya Ilyich Oblomov, a gentleman “thirty-two years old”. The work is dedicated to the disclosure of his life philosophy, way of existence, his psychology.
The main character traits of Oblomov are apathy, laziness, inactivity. He lies on the couch all day, absolutely not interested in anything. But this state of affairs does not bother the hero at all: everything suits him in this existence: “Ilya Ilyich’s lying down was neither a necessity, ... nor an accident ...: this

It was his normal state." On the contrary, Oblomov’s discomfort is caused by annoying “touches of life”.
However, this hero has his own dreams. In the chapter "Oblomov's Dream" the author describes them to us quite clearly. We see that native Oblomovka brought up in Ilya Ilyich a love for home comfort, peace and quiet: “Happy people lived, thinking that it should not and cannot be otherwise.”
This person vitally needed love, care, warmth and affection. Let's remember his dreams about his family life. Oblomov dreamed of a wife-mother, a wife-mistress, and not a passionate mistress: “Yes, passion must be limited, strangled and drowned in marriage ...” He imagined a very warm pastime - in a peaceful circle of family and loving friends. Here, conversations would be held about art, about events taking place in the world, etc.
It is the need for such a life - where everyone loves each other, is satisfied with each other and with themselves - and is, it seems to me, Oblomov's life ideal. It was for this that Olga Ilyinskaya called the hero a “heart of gold”, because he knew how not only to take love, but also generously give it, share it.
Of course, Oblomovka cultivated not only this in her Ilyusha. She brought up in him a fear of life, and indecision, and laziness, and helplessness, and snobbery. And besides, it was a completely distorted idea of adult life.
All this - both positive and negative - manifested itself in the life of the hero later. We know that in his youth, Oblomov, supported by Stolz, dreamed of improving himself, changing himself and the world around him. However, if Stolz began to realize his dreams, then Oblomov's words remained only words.
Arriving in St. Petersburg, the hero gradually became disillusioned with the service (“When will you live?”), Moved away from all affairs and lay down on the sofa. Somehow, imperceptibly, Oblomov lost almost all of his acquaintances, because in order to maintain communication, you need to make some effort. And it was absolutely unbearable for the hero.
Only once Ilya Ilyich perked up and began to change - falling in love with Olga Ilyinskaya.
Then the hero was ready to do whatever his beloved wanted. Ilya Ilyich really began to change - he forced himself to be interested in the life around him, move more, eat less. But in this story, Oblomov's uncertainty, his fear of change, played a tragic role. At one fine moment, he felt that he was not worthy of Olga, and wrote a letter to the girl with explanations: “Listen, without any hints, I will say directly and simply: you do not love me and cannot love me.”
After that, Oblomov's life went on as usual - he continued to lie in seclusion, communicating only with Zakhar and occasionally with Stolz.
True, another “shock” burst into the life of Ilya Ilyich - he was forced to move from Gorokhovaya Street to the outskirts of St. Petersburg. There, unexpectedly for himself, the hero found a semblance of his "ideal" - Agafya Pshenitsyna. This woman was able to give the hero a feeling of comfort and coziness, complete peace. He plunged into a kind of oblivion, hibernation, which lasted until his death - the hero had several blows, after which he died.
But this is only a formal, physical, reason for his death. I think there was also a spiritual reason. Oblomov, who has rather great abilities, an internally rich person, could not open himself to the world, manifest himself in full - he could not resolve the conflict between his dreams and real life.
What was the reason for this? In the uncertainty and laziness of Oblomov? Of course, and this played a role. But, I think that the world itself, in which the hero lived, left much to be desired. Let us recall the episodes at the beginning of the novel, when visitors come to Ilya Ilyich. He says to almost every one of them: "Go away, you are out of the cold." What does it mean?
The outside world is cold and hostile, there are few sincere human emotions, kindness and love in it. And Oblomov, whose nature is based on these feelings, cannot communicate with the “cold” world. That is why he, to some extent, consciously left the world, put on the mask of a recluse.

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The collision of dreams and reality in the life of Oblomov (based on the novel of the same name by I. A. Goncharov)

It would seem a good thing to dream, yes, to visualize? But really intelligent people, who now “cannot be found in the daytime with fire,” check their actions with the Holy Scriptures. Well, or at least consult with priests or spiritual people. So, how to get rid of the sin of excessive, empty and meaningless daydreaming and daydreaming?

Dreaming is not harmful, says folk wisdom. Despite the irony of this saying, it very accurately expresses our general attitude towards one of the brightest and dearest concepts to every heart - a dream.

Let reality be the most hopeless, let life not turn out the way you wanted, let the whole world go to war against you, and everything that could be lost has already been lost - all this can be experienced if a person has a dream.

She is able to pull us out of the most dull hopelessness, she lifts us above everyday life and opens up new horizons, permeated with the light of hope for the best. It was her who for centuries was sung by poets of all peoples, the purest and most disinterested hearts aspired to her in their noble impulses.

Excessive and empty dreaming is a sin

And suddenly, having come to the Church, a person is faced with an extremely negative attitude towards this concept, up to the direct identification of a dream with an evil spirit: "demonic dreams." For many, this circumstance becomes a serious obstacle on the path of churching and can even completely turn a person away from further study of the Christian faith.

As in most cases of this kind, the problem here arises from the different understanding and use of the same word in common parlance and in church usage. The fact is that the word "dream" in the Russian language has many semantic shades, which, ultimately, determine the meaning of this word in each case.

But the phrase "overage dreamer" is clearly a dubious compliment. The same word in relation to different age categories acquires the exact opposite meaning. And in a conversation about the reasons for the negative attitude to the concept of "dream" in Christianity, you first need to carefully look: what are the general meanings of this word in the Russian language.

First of all, a dream is a cherished goal, a secret desire, the fulfillment of which should (according to the dreamer) bring happiness. The range of such dreams is extremely wide: here is the “prince on a white horse” common to girls of all times and peoples, and hopes for glory - “I dream of becoming a movie star”, and career hopes - “that soldier who does not dream of becoming a general is bad”, and there are many, many other things that can be talked about for quite some time.

How to get rid of daydreaming?

For a modern person, for the most part, such a dream is a kind of “remembrance of the future”, an opportunity, at least mentally, to break out of the limits of one’s current existence and see - how will it be there, then?
True, “later” is entirely created by the fantasy of the dreamer himself, but there is nowhere to go: a person has not yet come up with a more perfect way to penetrate into his tomorrow.

With the same success, you can dream about your past, re-living in your thoughts those episodes of it that for some reason do not suit us. After all, in dreams you can easily say completely different words, perform other actions, and in general - turn out to be much more intelligent, courageous and noble than it was in reality.

This version of daydreaming is also quite widespread, but unlike the first one, it is associated mainly with negative experiences and is a kind of attempt to “correct” the past, at least in such mental performances, where you are no longer just a performer of one of the roles, but also and director and playwright.

There are other meanings that have become of little use in our time. For example, Pushkin used the word "dream" to define what is commonly called today - associative thinking:

The flower is withered, earless,
Forgotten in the book I see;
And now a strange dream
My soul is filled with

Where did it bloom? When? what spring?
And how long did it bloom? and torn down by someone
A stranger, a familiar hand?
And put here why?

In memory of a gentle goodbye,
Or fatal separation
Ile lonely festivities
In the silence of the fields, in the shade of the forest?

And is he alive, and is she alive?
And now where is their corner?
Or have they faded
How is this unknown flower?

Another such obsolete meaning can be seen in the same Pushkin in the Poltava poem:

…Family
I try to forget mine.
I became her shame; may be
(What a terrible dream!)
I am cursed by my father...

We are not given life for empty dreams

Here "dream" is already used as an assumption, a hypothetical possibility. Today, it is unlikely that anyone would think of expressing themselves in this way, although only two centuries ago such usage did not raise questions from the reader.

But the Church Slavonic language, in which all the doctrinal truths of Christianity are formulated, arose much earlier than the language of Pushkin's poetry. And therefore, many words that came into our speech from those distant times are today perceived exclusively in their modern meaning, even if they are used in church literature. With the "dream" happened just such a story.

The fact is that the word “dream” in the Church Slavonic language literally means “ghost”, a kind of image that has nothing to do with reality. In principle, the fruits of those same mental journeys into the past and future could be attributed to this category, thereby closing all further questions. But that would be too simple and superficial a solution to the problem.

Having carefully considered the modern meanings of the word “dream”, it is not difficult to conclude that they all presuppose a certain property of human consciousness, and the property is creative, capable of creating entire worlds that have never existed before.

And one of the main statements of the Christian doctrine about man, and indeed about the entire created world, is the thesis of St. Maximus the Confessor: there are no things that are bad by nature, but there are things that are bad in their use. Consequently, all the properties of a person in themselves are good, since they are invested in him by God for the sake of some completely good purposes.

Dreaming is condemned by the Church precisely as a wrong way of using the natural and initially good ability of the soul for abstract thinking, for the contemplative activity of the mind. In other words, the literary work of Dostoevsky and the virtuosic lies of some swindler "on trust" are based on the same source - the ability of the mind to model everyday situations.

Embodiment and realization of mindless dreams

But in the first case, this ability is used to reveal the dark corners of his soul to a person and call for repentance, in the second - to simply extract money from an unlucky victim.

And Christianity, condemning daydreaming, calls on a person, first of all, to renounce such an improper use of intellectual abilities, to discipline the mind and heart, to restore order in that area that is not subject to anyone except the person himself - in the sphere of his thoughts.

Saint Ignatius (Bryanchaninov) wrote:

“Usually people consider a thought to be something unimportant, therefore they are very little selective in accepting a thought. But from the accepted right thoughts everything good is born, from the accepted false thoughts everything evil is born. Thought is like the rudder of a ship; the direction and, for the most part, the fate of the entire huge machine depends on a small steering wheel, on this insignificant board dragging behind the ship.

This is where one of the dangers of the dreamy mindset lies. After all, dreams are also the result of human mental activity.

Time, the world and the ultimate dream

Pictures born of our imagination can delight us or frighten us, upset us or delight us. But in any case, we are able to control them, give them one direction or another, enjoy their contemplation, or indignantly reject them as soon as they arise in our minds. This process of choosing an attitude towards dreams is going on in us all the time, and it would be naive to believe that such an important part of our life does not need a certain discipline and order.

Hand on heart, each of us can admit to ourselves that there are such dreams that we are ashamed to tell even the closest person. From the point of view of an unbeliever, there is nothing terrible in this: you never know who fantasizes about something at their leisure - the main thing is that in real life everything is decent and within the law.

But the trouble is that the most heinous crimes were committed by maniacs, sadists and rapists after they committed them mentally hundreds and thousands of times and prepared themselves for real atrocities with these terrible dreams.

A person can be outwardly quite respectable and law-abiding, but in his soul carry the hell of the most monstrous fantasies. In most cases, they remain only in the thoughts of such "dreamers". But even if their fantasies did not break out in the form of a real crime, they still cripple a person, burning him from the inside.

Archpriest Sergius (Chetverikov), a prominent figure in the Russian Diaspora, spoke of this as follows:

“... We tend to attach little importance to the bad movements of our heart and say to ourselves and others: “Think and feel what you want, just don’t harm anyone!” Or in other words: “What does anyone care about my thoughts and feelings? .. After all, I don’t harm anyone?”

But this kind of reasoning is deeply flawed. .... The soul, filled with impure thoughts and wishes, gradually loses the ability to perform bright and good deeds. Mental sin is worse than sin done. Sin by deed is always limited by the conditions of its commission; sin is never decidedly limited by thought.

Only a little can be done, but there is no end to the monstrous crimes that can be mentally committed by a man who has loosened his imagination. The worst thing is that, falling into this sin of inner uncleanliness, a person deceives himself with the consciousness that he is not doing anything wrong.

Meanwhile, when the moment of real activity comes for him, his soul turns out to be completely exhausted, all corrupted by the inner sin of the imagination, incapable of goodness and power over himself.

To combat this misfortune, Orthodox ascetics-ascetics, accustomed to careful observation of their inner world, developed a whole system of "recognition" of such destructive fantasies. First, the so-called “prilog” appears in the mind - the thought of sin, which has no visual content.

Dreams of passion and love

Then the person begins to consider this thought in his mind and, as it were, converse with it. This is what the fathers call "combination." Then a person already enjoys a sinful thought, imagines in his mind how he could commit a sin - this is called “composition”.

The next stage is called “captivity”, when the habit of getting pleasure from sinful dreams captures a person so much that he cannot resist it, even if he really wants to. And only after that a person in real life does something that he himself can later regret bitterly.

It is possible to stop this flow from the thought of sin to sin itself at any stage, with the exception of captivity. It is best, of course, to discard the preposition itself, the very thought of sin immediately after its appearance.

But this requires constant attention to one's thoughts and feelings, checking them with one's own conscience and comparing them with the Gospel. The Holy Fathers call this dispensation of the soul "sobriety." But the opposite dispensation, when a person’s thoughts soar uncontrollably, is exactly what the Church calls - daydreaming.

And even in those cases when a person just lies on the couch and dreams, say, of a tourist trip to Fiji, all the same, such a pastime cannot be called useful, not only from the church, but also from any other reasonable point of view. The dreamer, as it were, puts off life "for later", and does not value his present at all.

Projecting into the future everything that is connected in his mind with happiness, such a "sofa" dreamer runs the risk of never achieving this happiness. The habit of living in a world of future joys and accomplishments gradually tears him away from reality more and more, and, in the end, can lead his soul to a completely deplorable state.

Then, even when he gets to the coveted Fiji, he will still dream of something else, because he has already forgotten how to live and enjoy life here and now.

There is another form of daydreaming that the Church warns against. This is hypocrisy. The range of its manifestations is very wide: from the banal suspicions of the spouse in non-existent betrayals, to serious mental disorders.

With carcinophobia (fear of malignant neoplasms - ed.), for example, a person rushes about for years clinics and healers, trying to cure a cancer that he does not have and never had. And he is very offended by the doctors who are trying to convince him that he is healthy.

The sequence of reasoning of a suspicious person very accurately conveys a well-known anecdote about a family quarrel: “You are my fish! - A fish? It means piranha. Piranha means teeth. And the teeth are a dog. Oh, mom, he just called me a bitch!

In more detail, the same scheme can be observed in the Soviet film “Blonde around the Corner”, when the heroine of Tatyana Dogileva, in the arms of her beloved man, suddenly begins to cry and through tears explains her behavior like this: “Here we will get married, and we will have a boy, and he will have everything that his heart desires, and we will “do” him to study at the best university.

Barren object of dreams and meaningless reverie

And so he will go to the village for potatoes, and he will see a shed with a basement there, he will begin to descend into the basement, and then an ax lying on a shelf will accidentally fall on him ... And that’s it - our little blood, our boy is gone!” Despite the exaggerated form, it is clearly seen here that the “tragic” conclusion of the heroine is based on nothing more than a dream. And her further reasoning also belongs to the sphere of dreams, with which she managed to bring herself to tears in one of the happiest moments of her life.

Dreamy-suspiciousness can turn a person's existence into a nightmare and even lead to suicide. And the reason for this is as simple as it is sad: having the ability to mentally simulate everyday situations, a person gradually loses the sense of the boundary between the real world and the phantom that exists only in his mind.

And he begins to be guided in his real life by certain prerequisites and conclusions from the world of his own fantasies. The results of this "guidance" can be comical or tragic, but one thing is certain: such a "cocktail" of dreams and reality does not make life easier for a person.

There is such a word in Russian - “to imagine”. It means just such a dreamy idea of a person about himself, about his place in the world, about relationships with other people.

So, Rodion Raskolnikov, after long dreams about how nobly he would dispose of the values stolen from the old usurer, in addition imagined himself that he also had the right to dispose of other people's lives.

Of course, in life, people who have imagined by no means always come to the line that the hero of the famous novel by Dostoevsky crossed. But you can pretty much harm yourself with your own dreams-opinions and not reaching robbery with a double murder.

For example, imagine that the boss is dissatisfied with your work and wants to fire you, bring yourself to a neurosis with these dreams, and then, with surprise, see the order for your promotion, signed by the very “villain boss”.

Suspiciousness can be, relatively speaking, "with a positive sign." After all, you can also dream up a completely attractive picture of life circumstances, which will have only one drawback: it does not correlate well with real life. The brilliant Pushkin managed to express such a view of the world through the prism of the desired in just two lines:

Oh, it's not hard to deceive me!..
I'm glad to be deceived!

However, such joy from self-deception will very quickly be replaced by disappointment, the cruelty of which will be in direct proportion to the pleasure received. And when in prayer texts there is a petition to God “deliver us from demonic dreams”, this does not mean at all that Christians consider any dream to be a work of evil spirits. Recall: in the Church Slavonic language, the word dream means a ghost.

It happens that an ascetic ascetic thinks of himself as having reached the highest peaks of holiness, and then evil spirits begin to appear to him in various forms - angels, saints, and even Christ Himself. But all these are just ghosts that can easily mislead a person prone to spiritual self-deception. After all, there will always be those who want to circle a simpleton around their fingers, who "... is glad to be deceived himself."

And if such an ascetic believes these ghosts, he may suffer very seriously from his gullibility. It is this kind of dreams-ghosts that are called demonic in the Christian tradition. But this does not mean at all that the Church anathematizes any dream in general.

Empty cherished unfulfilled dreams

Any ability of a person was put into him by God during creation, which means that the ability for abstract thinking, associations, imagination (with which we usually associate the concept of a dream) is also from God, which means that they can also be used for the benefit of oneself and others. The only question is what goals the person who uses these God-given properties sets for himself, and what place the dream occupies in his life.

So, a dream is often called a certain positive life program for the future - a certain plan for one's own development for many years to come with a specific goal. For example, a young man says that he dreams of becoming a surgeon.

To do this, he intensively studies anatomy and physiology, enters a medical institute, attends additional seminars, practices in an anatomy, reads a huge amount of literature in his specialty, assists in operations, and, finally, he becomes a practicing surgeon.

Such an attitude towards one's dream can only be welcomed, because it is a powerful incentive for activity, it helps a person to build his life and decide on the choice of a life path.

After all, many current clergy also dreamed of becoming priests someday. And in this sense, the phrase “dreaming is not harmful” is completely fair.

But it also happens that a person, instead of realizing his dream, goes into it, hides in it from the real world, like a snail in a shell. Such a dream can take away a person's real life, replacing it with a world of fruitless dreams and fantasies. Then, from a guiding star, it becomes a ghost that makes it difficult to determine the right direction. And hardly anyone will undertake to justify such dreaminess.

The Church does not deprive a person of his dream, she speaks only of a reasonable attitude towards her.

What will it turn into - a positive assumption of a lofty goal, or a passive escape from reality? Do a person's dreams correspond to the moral standard that he has determined for himself in real life? How not to lose the sense of the border between dream and reality? These are the questions to which Christianity offers its own answers.

And to accept them or refuse - each of us decides independently.

We hope you enjoyed the article and video on how to get rid of the sin of excessive, empty and meaningless daydreaming and daydreaming. Stay with us on the portal of communication and self-improvement and read other useful and interesting materials on this topic!

How often our expectations of family life do not coincide with reality! Do you remember how you imagined a family vacation shortly before the wedding? Here you are with your husband and children rushing on roller skates along the paths of the autumn park. And on a rainy Sunday evening, they settled down on the carpet with a designer and thick instructions. Or fly a kite to the joyful laughter of children.

But the march of Mendelssohn died down and weekdays came. The head of the family spends the whole day in business and worries about daily bread. And when the weekend comes, he first sleeps for half a day, and then watches TV or plays computer games. But what about you? What about family holidays?

What a shame to see my husband's back, immersed in the virtual world on such a long-awaited weekend. This family situation is very common, especially if the family has one or more kids. It is understandable. Being constantly at home with children, doing the same things, a woman waits with hope for the weekend to “ go out into the world". To at least a little quench your thirst for impressions.

A man, on the other hand, dreams all week about relaxing in a cozy, quiet harbor - his home. He is waiting for the weekend to finally get up when he has already slept, and then do something pleasant and relaxing. And he really doesn’t want to fuss and strain after a working week. And a woman, like air, needs a feeling of a friendly family and unity, which joint family events give her.

How to find a way out? How to spend a family weekend so that both the man can rest and the woman is distracted from household chores? Undoubtedly The first step is to negotiate. Look for options that suit both. For example, on Saturday we don’t touch dad, and on Sunday we all go to the cinema together. Or this weekend we have a rest, and the next we leave for the forest with an overnight stay. Such planning may well become a family tradition. Or you can not plan, but spontaneously get together, the main thing is that such spontaneity manifests itself when the man has already rested.

Of course, one agreement is not enough. A man will be happy to spend time with his family if she is dear to him. If he is ready to invest in its development not only money, but also attention and time. That is, if family is a great life value for him. And also because together they are fun, easy and interesting. In this case, communication with the family becomes one of the life priorities for a man.

After all, a woman also seeks to spend time easily and fun. Remember your childhood and school youth, student years. In what circumstances, with what people was it easy, pleasant for you to relax and wanted more and more? Take apart specific cases and try to find what unites them.

And now, on the contrary, try to analyze those life situations in which you absolutely did not want to communicate, spend holidays together. I did not want to, despite the need. Under what conditions would you definitely not want to spend your legal day off?

Such a simple but such an important question will help you discover something important and valuable about your relationship with your husband. Happy weekend to you!