Are long-distance relationships possible - advice from a psychologist. Is there love in the distance

Love at a distance - is it worth plunging into this feeling? Is there a future for this kind of love? Sometimes the heart does not ask and responds, what to do with it? Not everything is so bad, and thousands of people around the world have gone through this unique experience and joined their destinies.

Is love possible at a distance?

Does love exist at a distance? Why not? Love is different and it happens and it's not even uncommon. Many people have been able to meet their destiny through the opportunities that the virtual space provides, or chance meetings on trips, although not everyone happened to be together, but there are those who overcame all the obstacles of separation and found true love.

How long does love live at a distance?

Long-distance relationships are rare meetings as a gift of fate, sad and romantic at the same time? If such love has a term? Someone in this mode lives all his life, others can not stand it and prefer real, albeit not like that, but a person nearby. But those who experienced love at a distance always keep in their hearts the image of the one with whom these mean, but such emotional meetings were. There is some kind of incompleteness and attractiveness in this.

How to make a full-fledged relationship at a distance - advice from a psychologist:

to be a friend, the partner must feel the desire to be closer and communicate on various topics that are important to him;
not to talk about what divides, but to look for topics that bring together and unite;
it is important to show sincerely your feelings - gentle words, as a substitute for touches;
to choose a neutral territory for both, where you can sometimes meet if possible, it can be a point on the map showing overcoming half of the distance, striving towards each other, each overcomes his own half of the distance - it's so romantic.

Should you start a long distance relationship?

Checking feelings by distance or how to survive a relationship at a distance, maybe they should not be started? Sometimes such an experience is needed and a full-fledged relationship can come out of it, and suddenly it’s fate, no one knows, so if the heart says “Yes!” - you need to reproach yourself later that you didn’t even try. That's right, you need a little courage and confidence in your feelings.

Declaration of love at a distance

A declaration of love to a guy at a distance is more romanticized, but men like it when their chosen one writes letters or poems about the severity of separation. Due to the fact that the lovers were separated by a great distance, the world heard many beautiful poems, prose, novels - it always touches the soul, so do not be afraid to express your confession in a romantic way, the impulses of the soul are always beautiful.

How to develop relationships at a distance?

Love at a distance - thanks to the worldwide network, the world has connected to one point in space, can you start a relationship without leaving your home? But is there a future for those on the other side of the screen? There are no boundaries for the attraction of the soul, the question is, when did love happen, how to develop and how to diversify relationships with a guy at a distance? A few tips, but everything is individual and it is important to experiment:

Relationships must be perceived as real, like a person nearby, be interested, ask, be able to listen, be interested.
No need to be afraid to show your individuality, evenness is the key to a sincere relationship.
Meeting - should happen, no matter how scary it is.
Building trust in each other is the most important component of a long-term relationship, until there is a real meeting and understanding that you are a couple, there should not be a stormy place, it can scare you away.

How to keep love at a distance?

What could be more difficult for feelings than a loved one on the other side of the world, or in another city, how to maintain a relationship at a distance? No one will say that it is easy, so it is important to use all possible ways:

keep each other up to date with all events, choose communication methods, since the modern world helps to be “conditionally” nearby all 24 hours a day, you can use Internet resources, video calls, chats;
highlight in your schedule, schedule the days when you can fly in, come to your soul mate and let it be only a day, but they will be so emotionally rich and magical if you prepare for them, but even if it is spontaneous, too wonderful;
communication on various topics, pronouncing disturbing moments will help to be close people even at a distance;
it is important to inspire each other constantly - and everything will work out.

Long distance relationships - how to break up?

How to break off relationships at a distance - this question is asked by couples who have exhausted everything. It is hard both emotionally and physically when touches and moments of intimacy are so important. What to do if you decide to leave:

To begin with, give yourself the opportunity to re-examine your feelings. The decisive factor for parting is the most hated distance or reason - the partner himself, feelings for him have cooled down. Admitting the truth to yourself is painful, but also healing.
Make a list of the pros and cons of such a relationship, what more?
Maybe the problem is solvable? Is there any way to be closer and more often? If not, then separation is inevitable.
Tell your partner honestly about your decision to leave, without looking back and trying to continue to exist in this mode of relationship. The main thing is not to make a scene, to be grateful to your partner for the time that you once spent together and supported each other at a distance.
Start building your life, allow yourself new relationships. Life goes on.

Movies about love at a distance

Distance kills love - is it true? Probably, if the souls were not connected, then this was not love, and the distance had nothing to do with it? Love at a distance is an excellent psychological plot for a movie and is successfully used by many directors who love to shoot dramas about love. Movies about feelings at a distance:

« 10,000 km: Love at a distance / 10,000 km". Sergio and Alex live in Barcelona, they are a strong couple, their passion after 7 years of marriage is just as bright. Alex is offered a dream job of her life in Los Angeles and the girl accepts. A year without each other, can Alex and Sergio keep their feelings?
« At the distance of love / Going The Distance". Six weeks of insanely beautiful romance between the main characters and she needs to return to San Francisco, and Garrett lives in New York. Erin and Garrett try to bridge the distance of love.
« The Lake House". Love at a distance and kilometers has nothing to do with it, he is in the past, she is in the future, only some 2 years separate them, they write letters to each other, they have one dog for two, and a house by the lake. They will overcome everything, because true love knows no boundaries.
« Like Crazy". Anna and Jacob are students, and in order to be with him longer, she violates the terms of her student visa, and upon arrival in England, she encounters immigration, Anna can no longer get to her lover in New York.

Books about love at a distance

Love is tested by time and distance - until recently this truth was considered the height of wisdom and greatness, the era of romanticism has passed and is love and family relationships at a distance a test of the truth of feelings? This is all individually, but I want to believe that this is still the case. And you can get inspired and feel what it is like by reading the following books:

« Angelica and her love» A. Golon, S. Golon. An immortal classic of all times and peoples. The love of a beautiful man and woman at a distance. They are bound forever in the heart and no obstacles can destroy this love.
« The best remedy for the north wind» D. Glattauer. Two lonely souls in the world wide web of the network found each other, from the letter - an endless stream of thoughts and feelings. But what if you take and meet in real life, suddenly the magic of feelings dissolves in the north wind?
« Where are you?» M. Levy. She is Susan, and he is Philip, friends from childhood “do not spill water” did not notice how their friendship became something big and this frightens Susan, she runs away from love to the land of hurricanes, but is it possible to run away from strong feelings?
« Victoria» K. Hamsun. The love of two people at a distance can also be like this: They are representatives of different social classes and this is also a distance long into the abyss, to love and know that they are not destined to be together.
« I do not believe. I do not hope. I love» S. Ahern. They write letters to each other, between these letters they make a career, give birth to children, get divorced and at the age of 50 they understand how much they loved each other all their lives and want to be together.

Natalya Kaptsova

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Everyone knows a lot about the most unknown feeling, surrounded by a halo of mystery and mystery, and they know nothing. Everything is very clear, we are talking about love. But it’s simply impossible to talk about love at a distance - each of us has our own view of this phenomenon, which forms certain stereotypes - such love is possible or not.

Problems and difficulties of a long separation from a loved one - is love possible at a distance?

Two loving hearts are created to be always together, but there are situations when the lovers are separated by a distance. Many love affairs, after a long separation, grow into incredible scale of sensory experiences and emotionality .

All relationships at a distance can be divided into two types

Negative aspects of parting with a loved one

With a long separation, some illusion may appear that a person has been lonely before. People are getting out of the habit of living together and are starting to care only about themselves. Some painlessly go through this stage, while for others it is an occasion for future depression.
Lack of intimacy. For people who are unable to adapt to forced conditions, this may be the beginning of the end. In such situations, intrigues on the side may appear.
One of the loving people, remaining in an unchanged, monotonous environment, remains and waits for the return of a partner. The other one finds himself in a new environment, makes new acquaintances and connections. It is quite possible - not only business, but also romantic. Read also:

There are also positive aspects to parting with a loved one.

Short breaks are especially helpful. , after which everything happens like the first time.
In the event of inevitable separation, all energy should be directed to the formation of one's own personality. which will become interesting and special.
Take up a new hobby or career . A loved one will definitely appreciate your desire.
In addition, ordinary relationships sometimes need a shake-up. Not always a home routine brings harmony and tranquility to your home.

How to keep love at a distance and not lose the thread of communication - instructions for lovers

Lovers who expect a long separation should follow simple rules of communication to maintain a love relationship.

First of all, the period of separation should be clearly defined. It will be much easier for a partner who is forced to wait to accept and endure separation if he at least approximately knows the time and date of the return of his soulmate.
Every day should be full of meaningful communication. Even in the absence of time for a telephone conversation, you can get by with an affectionate message or a gentle letter to e-mail. This will help the lover feel important and needed.
Short meetings can be the perfect option for a long separation. For example, you can spend a weekend or holidays together. A partner in moments of loneliness will have something to remember.
The partner should receive a feeling of closeness and love. Talk about what happens every day in your life, about new ideas and impressions. In context, you can confess your love.
To feel greater closeness at a distance, partners can agree to go to the cinema at the same time for the same film , through video communication, have dinner together, talk about everything that excites and interests. Video communication will even allow you to have a romantic date with candles and a glass of wine on either side of the monitor.

For love, it is the same as the wind for fire: it extinguishes a small love, and inflates a big one even more. and sometimes even a short separation can be painful. But life is an unpredictable thing, and sometimes circumstances develop in such a way that lovers have to go through the test of separation.

The reasons may be different - he leaves to get an education or earn money for your common house, you are forced to leave to care for a sick relative or initially live in different cities ... To love and not be able to live together is a difficult test for two, and not anyone can bear it.

the site tried to find out how long love lives at a distance, whether it has advantages and how to maintain a relationship in such a situation.

The complexities of love at a distance

Love at a distance: cons

Love in the distance

The main disadvantage of love at a distance is that a loved one seems to be there, and at the same time, he seems to be gone. This is a very strange feeling - to be together, but at the same time live in different cities or even countries, especially if before that you were used to seeing each other every day.

Living together gives a lot of advantages and imposes certain obligations, you get used to rely on each other, decide everything together, share both the bad and the good in each other's life. And in this sense, separation is somewhat akin to breaking up relationships - in both cases, you have to re-learn how to live alone: cook only for yourself (or just learn to cook), fall asleep alone, go to the cinema, theaters and meetings with friends as a loner.

If the separation is long, then sometimes the illusion may even arise that you are indeed a loner, although this is still not the case.

In addition, living separately for a long time, you forget what it is like to live together, and begin to idealize your partner and your relationship, as a result, the meeting may turn into a disappointment.

And, of course, it is very difficult to endure the lack of sex, or rather, even the inability to make love with your man. And it's crazy: there is love, there is a man, but there is no sex, and this is what often causes betrayal.

The most difficult thing is for those who are left to wait - for him only the fact that there is no loved one has changed. And the one who leaves, in fact, starts a new life - in a new place he acquires new connections, new hobbies, new friends.

Priorities, goals, and sometimes even character also change. The most typical situation for Russia is when a man leaves to work in Moscow or another metropolis and leaves his beloved in his hometown.

At first, they correspond and call back, and then the man, having tasted life in a big city, begins to disdain his former life, with which his former lover is now associated.

If the separation lasts a long time, and there is no way to meet, then sometimes the relationship just naturally fades away - it is impossible to live in the past all the time. Real life, which happens here and now, is often much more interesting.

Keeping interest, being thousands of kilometers apart, is very difficult, and only a few manage to keep love.

From the forum site

“I was in that situation. Two years lasted my separation from a loved one. They called back every day 100 times, informed each other about what someone ate for breakfast, what they bought in the store and other nonsense.

But life put everything in its place: they began to call each other less and less, and then parted. Finally. I haven't heard anything about him for a year now. After the separation, there was a severe depression.

“I really believed in the possibility of loving someone from a distance. With my friend, who lives in another country, we were together for three years. But, alas, estrangement is inevitable, because you share all the joys and sorrows of everyday life with someone else - friends, relatives, girlfriends, and with him with rare meetings - only a holiday.

In general, we remained friends, although I have never experienced greater passion. Any woman wants tenderness and care every day, and not a big fireworks display every four months. But, I would like to wish all those who support love at a distance with all their spiritual strength to be able to continue this romance as long as possible.

“There was love with a wonderful smart young man, they were going to get married, my parents and relatives were aware and did not mind ...

He left for the States for a long time, at first they often called up, corresponded, then less and less, and when he came on vacation after 7 months, it turned out that love on his part was “no longer the same”, etc. ... then I couldn’t forget him for a long time , after all, we still continued to work in the same company, just in different geographical areas, we didn’t meet with anyone for 3 years, until we changed jobs and met our new love ... and sometimes I am reminded of that young man now my mother and aunts (for the first years I forbade them to talk about him) - they say: "what an ideal couple it was" ... ce la vie ... "

Love at a distance: looking for pluses

Love in the distance

Long-distance relationships come with many challenges and are doomed to failure in most cases, but they are still possible. Such love has the greatest chance of survival when the period of separation is clearly defined and you have the opportunity to see each other from time to time.

Then the relationship has both an incentive and regular replenishment in the form of rare, but meetings. You have noticed that when you live side by side with a man, feelings become a little dull, even if you are very good together, but it is worth parting at least for a while, and passion flares up with renewed vigor.

Each new meeting after separation is like another honeymoon, and dates and sex are almost like the first time. And this is one of the advantages of love at a distance.

The “pseudo-loneliness” that occurs when you live apart from your loved one also has its advantages - free evenings and weekends can be spent on self-improvement, on a career, learning something that you have long dreamed of, but you didn’t have enough time.

Be sure - your loved one will appreciate it. And, on the contrary, spending all your free time in suffering and thinking about how bad you feel without it is a sure way to lose it. After all, then it turns out that he lives in the present, and you are frozen in your past with him.

Throughout his life, a person develops, grows as a person and changes, and it is extremely interesting to watch this process, especially when it comes to a loved one.

When you live together, these changes happen gradually and you don't always notice them, and when the meetings are rare, you see much more, comparing the old image, left in the memories, with the new one. Yes, you will notice that he has more wrinkles, but he has also become more self-confident, more determined.

In addition, some things are only seen from a distance - you can learn a lot about your partner that you never knew about before. You thought he was completely unromantic, and he started writing you long love letters. You thought he was not persistent enough in achieving his goals, but when he wanted to be near you, he was able to overcome the seemingly insurmountable obstacles and get out to you at least for the weekend. Yes, distance can destroy love, but sometimes it is separation that helps you understand how much you love each other.

From the forum site

“My friend went to work in France for 2 years, her husband visited her a couple of times, she came to Russia a couple of times, but they corresponded and called back every day. Now she has returned, she is expecting a baby, both are absolutely happy, in separation they realized that they love each other very much.

“You can save and how! If not, then it is not love at all. I experienced this on my own. After a year of friendship with my future husband, he left for half a year for undergraduate practice, and then to work in another city.

Moreover, it was closed, I could not enter it. And I still had 2 years to study at the institute. Here we are for two years, more precisely two and a half, and kept our love as the greatest happiness in life. He came every 3-4 months, called and wrote letters, a whole huge bundle remained.

Even at our wedding, he was only five days, arrived on Thursday and left on Monday. And the young wife lived with her parents for another six months and graduated from the institute. Now we have been living together for 2 years, I went to him. As rightly noted here, we had the hope that someday, in the foreseeable future, we would be together.

How to save love?

Love in the distance

Archimedes said that love is a theorem that must be proved every day, and in the case of love at a distance, this is truer than ever. Do not despair if you have to live away from each other for some time, but remember that in order to maintain a relationship, you will have to make an effort.

Communicate as much as possible

Circumstances may prevent you from living together, but nothing can prevent you from communicating. Phone, e-mail, ICQ, Skype - today lovers have many opportunities to be near at least virtually.

But this does not mean that all conversations should be reduced only to how bad you feel without each other and how you miss each other. Tell and ask about what happened new, about new hobbies, friends and experiences.

Not only distance destroys love, but also the lack of common ground, so if your loved one has new interests, then be sure to support him, and also if you can share them.

As you know, feelings are tested in separation, so love at a distance can be compared with an attempt by the wind to extinguish the flame: a small spark will quickly go out, and the fire will flare up more strongly. With the advent of the Internet, it is possible to stay in touch with your loved one 24 hours a day, but can virtual communication really replace the presence of a loved one? Is love possible at a distance or is it just a myth? How to build relationships, being far from your chosen one?

The joys and sorrows of long distance relationships

The lack of a loved one in those moments when he is most needed is difficult to survive. Often you have to go to a meeting with friends, to the cinema, for a walk, to a restaurant. Even falling asleep alone is not easy, knowing that somewhere far away there is a "second half" with the same feelings. Do not miss the intimate side of the relationship. Affectionate words spoken on the phone, or even tender and passionate glances through video chats, will not replace real touching and making love.

There is a risk that one of the partners or both will like the seeming freedom so much that when meeting and trying to live together it will not be easy to take into account interests, get along, try to make common plans. Solving problems on your own and getting used to it, it will be difficult to learn how to do it together.

The possibility of easy flirting, breakup, betrayal is not ruled out. It is especially difficult for men to remain faithful at a distance, and new acquaintances can complicate an already difficult situation.

Yet love at a distance can give many positive moments. For example, when meeting, such a couple knows how to appreciate the precious time spent with each other, enjoys even small pleasant moments, arranges memorable dates. Many couples who have met after a long separation note the diversity in their sexual life and a special attraction.

During separation, you can find a new hobby, a hobby, master some skill, learn a new language. The opportunities for self-improvement are endless, and you can spend a lot of time on them. And at a meeting, a loved one will rediscover a partner and notice the goals achieved.

If you are attentive to your chosen one, you can discover different facets of personality in him. For example, someone may become more romantic, someone will learn to overcome difficulties, or open up in some area of activity.

Love at a distance is possible!

True love will see precisely the positive moments, and consider the distance only a temporary test for the sake of a happy joint future. Such an attitude is characteristic of strong personalities who know exactly what they want from life and are trying with all their might to achieve it. For those who doubt whether love is possible at a distance, it is suggested to think about the fact that even people nearby are not always able to maintain feelings. Relationship breakup can happen in any couple, regardless of whether they live in the same house or in different parts of the world.

Love at a distance is possible and can last a lifetime, provided that it is really true love, and not passion or affection, and the two do their best to be together. Such love will be more appreciated, because each of the partners will constantly remember how much they had to overcome for the sake of the reward. Difficulties are inevitable, but they can be successfully resolved if there is a desire to save love.

The most important thing in any couple is good communication. Therefore, you need to find time for daily correspondence, calls, video chats. You can develop your own rituals and habits. For example, some couples always call before bed to find out how the day went and wish them good night.

When making important decisions, you need to consult with your loved one, take into account his point of view. It would be a mistake to assume that since a person is far away, then you can not "load" him with your problems. Of course, you do not need to discuss any trifle, but you should not be silent about the serious moments of life.

Trust is another important factor influencing the development of relationships. If in ordinary couples a lot depends on this feeling, then in those who are far from each other - almost everything. Without trust, there is no point in being in a long-distance relationship. Be sure to assure your partner of love, talk about the day, but at the same time, you should not be too jealous or ask for any details, suspecting flirting or interest in someone else.

Plans and talk about a joint future will serve as a good incentive in separation. Perhaps such conversations will help make some kind of decision that allows the couple to be together, and not be limited to love at a distance. If it’s not possible to be together yet, common plans will serve as a reminder of the seriousness of the relationship and their inviolability.

Summing up, we can say that love at a distance is possible if two lovers make an effort, feel unity, participate in each other's life in every possible way and know that sooner or later they will be able to change the situation and be together.

The fact that love at a distance really exists is evidenced by correspondence between great people. Among them are the great French novelist Honore de Balzac and his beloved Evelina Ganskaya, the famous English playwright George Bernard Shaw and the brilliant actress Stella Patrick Campbell, the great Russian poets Marina Ivanovna Tsvetaeva and Boris Leonidovich Pasternak. There are many other examples as well.

Love and modern technology

Today, modern technologies come to the aid of lovers. They can correspond on social networks, exchange tender SMS messages, talk for hours on a mobile phone. If it becomes impossible to live without seeing each other, a fast plane will transfer to your beloved in a short time.

Sometimes love arises at a distance from the very beginning. People get acquainted on the Internet, plunge headlong into romance, think that they managed to find their ideal. However, in such a relationship there is a danger of mistaking for true love only a dream of it. In addition, on the Internet, people often pretend not to be who they really are. As a result, a meeting in real life can only bring bitter disappointment. There is also a risk of becoming a victim of a maniac or a marriage swindler.

However, long-distance love can have its perks. If a person is lonely and unsure of himself, even a virtual relationship will become a salvation for him from emptiness and loneliness, a source of positive emotions. The main thing is not to play too much and not confuse the real world with the invented one.

Love and separation

If feelings arose in real life, and people truly love each other, a long separation turns into a difficult test for them. In addition, uninvited thoughts about the possible betrayal of a loved one begin to come to mind. No need to torment your chosen one with constant checks: often distrust kills even the strongest love. However, leaving a loved one completely unattended is also not worth it. You can always find a way to communicate that will be convenient and comfortable for both. True love is not afraid of any obstacles and distances. Separation can even strengthen her, making her appreciate every moment spent with her loved one. The main thing is that it does not drag on for many years. After all, the habit of constantly being at a distance from each other can cool even the strongest and most sincere feelings.

Modern people have much more opportunities for communication than their not very distant ancestors in previous centuries. It even happens that through the latest technical means (like the Internet) men and women from different parts of the world learn about each other, and warm feelings arise between them and a desire to continue relations. Will something worthwhile come out of such “love at a distance” or is it worth immediately weeding out its fragile sprouts?

Can distance be a barrier to love?

The question of the possibility of the very existence of love, when both participants in such relationships are separated by many kilometers, is more philosophical than practical. In this case, everything for the most part depends on the specific circumstances and on the actions of both lovers.

Of course, relationships of this type can arise in various situations. It happens that a couple met on social networks, on a site for singles or on another similar virtual resource. All their joint “property” often consists in showing photographs to each other, but at the same time they have not met outside the Internet reality.

In this case, each of them will have a greater tendency to idealize the other. In addition, there is a great risk for them to fall in love with an invented, and not with a real, image of their counterpart. Also, absolutely no one will guarantee that at least one person in such a couple is not a fraudster, for the sake of some by no means noble goal, “treating” a girlfriend / friend with a fictitious story.

In any case, virtual acquaintances - before starting to plan a joint future and live with such illusions - should meet at least once outside the virtual space. Such a date (or better, several) will allow us to draw certain conclusions: is their relationship really worth something or will they never get along together. If the first option turns out to be relevant, then it will be necessary to make decisions about the transfer of love from the Internet to real life.

It happens that the scenario for the development of relations is somewhat different. The couple met on vacation, on a business trip, etc. - in a word, it was full-time, not virtual. They felt good together, but the joint time came to an end, and everyone needs to return to their cities, to an already established life. Will relationships survive under these conditions?

How to save feelings when away from your loved one

First, the two need to talk frankly and admit whether they both really think that there are any serious feelings between them, or if it was just entertainment during a vacation / business trip. In the first case, it is not a sin to exchange contact information and continue intensive communication, even while being far from each other.

It is also important for both lovers to understand: distance is a really serious obstacle to their feelings, especially while they are still too fragile, and it is not known whether they will develop into something more stable and strong. Therefore, if everyone in a couple really dreams of a joint future, they will need to make a lot of efforts to maintain love and sometimes even make some sacrifices.

Above all, they should take advantage of every opportunity for meaningful communication. It is better to do this not by phone or email, but via Skype or other similar programs where you can connect a webcam and see each other. In this case, they will be able to fill the need for the visual to a certain extent.

It is also important for them to be as involved as possible in each other's lives. Here, every little thing will matter. It is worth remembering important dates and events for your beloved / beloved, up to the birthdays of his / her fish, cat or dog. A good memory in this matter will only contribute to a greater rapprochement of the couple and strengthen their relationship.

Every opportunity to meet should be taken. One date is worth more than a hundred Skype conversations and thousands of emails. Spending time together is as productive as possible. How exactly - the couple decides. The main thing is that each of them receives the necessary emotional charge from communication and gets to know the other better.

At the same time, small disagreements should not be avoided. Yes, one should not conflict with a stormy showdown, but the visualization of the existing contradictions is much better than an attempt to silence those things in which the lovers disagree with each other. In the second case, both will simply silently accumulate resentment against each other, and in the first case - with the successful overcoming of "inconsistencies" - they will become even closer and closer.

If you follow the above simple recommendations, it is quite possible to maintain long-distance relationships. Moreover, they will have a real chance to transform into something beautiful and lasting for many years.

Sources:

Rules for keeping relationships at a distance