Express condolences on the death of your grandmother. Condolences on the occasion of death - how to express in your own words and support the relatives of the deceased. Condolences - rules and etiquette

When a loved one dies, those around them rush to express regret to his relatives. But how to properly show your gratitude to them, what to respond to condolences, because the word “thank you” is not very appropriate now?

Funeral etiquette

If a person dies in your family, there comes a time of heavy worries. First of all, you will have to inform everyone about the incident. This is not easy to do, but necessary.

According to mourning etiquette, you need to notify all your acquaintances, even if they are far away, and even those who you personally do not like, but perhaps had a good relationship with the deceased.

For those who live nearby, it is better to inform at the meeting, but it is impossible to get around everyone, there is an option to send messages by e-mail or SMS, but this is not very polite, and suddenly the person does not receive them. Therefore, it is better to call in person, to say at least a few words. And also be sure to tell where and when the funeral will be, leave your contact details so that people can clarify the information.

It turns out that you have grief and you also have to do a lot of things: communicate, run around shops and funeral homes. There's nothing you can do, gather your will into a fist. Now this is the best thing you can do for the deceased - worthy to see him on his last journey.

People will come to the ceremony, some you don’t even know, they will want to express words of sympathy, think about how to respond to them.

How to respond to condolences on death?

There are no special rules on this topic, it is often difficult to find words in such situations. You can remain silent in response or just nod, do not hesitate, everyone will understand your condition.

Or use template phrases:

  • "Thank you";
  • "You are very attentive";
  • “I try not to lose heart, thanks to you it is easier for me.”

Everyone has different characters, someone wants to spend these moments alone, someone, on the contrary, is uncomfortable to be alone with their own thoughts. If you belong to the first category of people - do not be shy.

Of course, you will be responsible for organizing the funeral, meeting the guests, everyone will be interested to know the details of what happened, especially when death turned out to be a surprise.

But this does not mean that you should now talk a lot and listen to the lamentations of some aunt from a distant province. Accept her support and go about your business. Even if she is a little surprised by this behavior - it's okay, explain later.

When you come to a funeral...

The opposite situation - you pay a visit of condolences, how to behave? Remember some simple rules:

  1. Do not dress flashy and bright, dark colors are appropriate now: women in long skirts, men in suits;
  2. Grab tissues or a handkerchief so that you can wipe away tears when feelings overpower. Or maybe some of those present will need supplies;
  3. Remove large jewelry, leave large bags at home;
  4. Talk, but keep quiet;
  5. And do not follow the coffin, let the relatives go ahead.

Do you understand that it is necessary to approach loved ones and communicate, show participation, but do not know what words to use when expressing condolences? Take simple phrases:

  • « It is difficult for me to find the right words for comfort, but I sincerely empathize with your grief.»;
  • « I'm deeply shocked by what happened, hold on…»;
  • « Let me offer you my condolences».

If you are far away at the time of the funeral - it's okay, it is believed that you can communicate with your relatives at another time. This will not look like a belated reaction, on the contrary, you came as soon as you could, which means you remember and worry.

How should one respond to condolences on death?

Colleagues at work, friends and just acquaintances will begin to offer material assistance or any other: transport, a room for a commemoration - whoever can.

It should be taken - this is normal, you must admit that it is not superfluous. The main thing - do not bow in gratitude and do not scatter in compliments, thank calmly. In this situation, you would have done the same.

And I also want to warn you - the modern funeral industry works very quickly, with pressure. You will be surprised, but sometimes, before sending the deceased to the mortuary, people answer phone calls from funeral agencies that are in a hurry to express sympathy and offer services.

Do not rush to use these offers, come to your senses for a start. The prices and possibilities of funeral companies are very different. After a couple of hours, when thoughts recover a little, you will be able to adequately evaluate the price list. Talk to friends, they may advise or be able to help with transportation and other matters.

memorial meal

After the burial, it is customary to call people to the wake, everyone comes. Christians traditionally serve pancakes, kutya (a dish with wheat, nuts and raisins) on the table.

At the commemoration, those who wish talk about the deceased, but it is not customary to say bad things, it is better to remain silent. What can you tell the audience and how?

  • It is better to perform while standing;
  • Start with an appeal: "Friends", "Dear relatives";
  • Introduce yourself, tell how you know the deceased;
  • List its positive qualities. Even if you think that there were not many of them, negative ones can be presented on the reverse side: grouchy- critical of life silly- gullible stubborn- principled;
  • You can remember interesting cases from life. Sometimes people read the corresponding verses, their own or author's.

The main thing is not to delay the speech, there are others who wish, and this is not the case. Draw conclusions that the person did not live in vain, bring words of condolence, give way to the next.

The death of a loved one is always a difficult event, but you have to do business, organize the funeral process - you have to pull yourself together. To make it a little easier for you to come up with what you need to respond to condolences, use the phrase templates that we have suggested for you.

The main thing to remember is that life goes on, a good memory of a deceased person can be his reward for everything he did.

Video: how to express condolences correctly?

In this video, Islam Abaev will tell you how best to express condolences on the death:

Life is very fleeting, and sooner or later everyone will hear condolences on the occasion of death. Finding important words in such a situation is the best support.

By expressing sympathy, we take on part of the overwhelming burden of losing a loved one.

Condolences on Death

Most often, there is a feeling that none of the words fit the situation and can only hurt the mourner more. It should be remembered - any participation, manifestation of sympathy is necessary.

Against the backdrop of a stressful situation, relatives and friends may not show emotions, gratitude, but, nevertheless, the words will be heard and will have an impact.

The following examples are not given for the mourner to snobbishly express condolences. It is necessary to know the patterns of such phrases so that, against the background of a nervous shock, it would be easier to find important and necessary words.

Universal condolences

  • “Unbelievable loss. She's hard to accept. I share your grief”;
  • “I share the pain of your loss. It is impossible to imagine that we will not see him/her (name) again. Please accept our condolences";
  • “It is impossible to find words to express our sympathy. It hurts to think and talk about what happened. My condolences";
  • “The news of the tragedy struck our entire family. On this day, you can count on any of our help and support”;
  • “It is still impossible to realize that this is not a monstrous mistake. We will always remember (name). Everlasting memory".

On the occasion of the death of a father, husband, grandfather

  • “We mourn with you together. The loss of such a reliable vital support is irreplaceable. Kingdom of heaven, servant / servant of God (name) ";
  • “Today everyone is mourning the death of (name) with you. We will remember him as a fair, sympathetic, reliable person. Our condolences";
  • “It is difficult to find the right words today. I'm sure he wouldn't want you to grieve so much for him. I sympathize. Brace yourself."

Condolences on the death of a child, close relative, mother

  • “There is no person more dear to you. In our hearts, he will remain young, cheerful, full of strength. Everlasting memory";
  • “Any loss is hard. It is hundreds of times harder to lose a loved one. Be strong";
  • "Hard. May God give you strength during this difficult period. Count on our help."

condolences in verse

This way of expressing compassion for grief must be used with great care.

Experience shows that at the time of the loss of loved ones: parents, daughters, sons, colleagues, large poetic works are difficult to perceive, it is better to make it short.

It is not difficult to send a short quatrain, and after some time, dedicate a beautiful large-scale poem to the deceased and bring it to relatives, or create a work in prose.

Dear, oh, how we mourn

A cold wind blows in my soul

And we love you forever

Nobody will replace you.

What a blessing that you were in the world,

I'm grateful that you loved so much

I won't forget all the moments together

I ask you not to forget me.

You are gone - the light has faded,

Happiness suddenly left the house.

And dreamed of living for a century,

It all happened so fast...

Sleep, my love, calmly and sweetly.

An angel will take you into his arms.

You endured everything calmly and steadfastly,

And now we are separated from you.

How to support a person when a loved one dies

Any support during the loss of a loved one is important. Psychologists recommend the following example of how you can support in a difficult situation and offer condolences:

  1. Show complicity, adjust yourself. Intuition should prompt a sympathetic model of behavior in a situation. It is important to remember that the mismatch of experiences, the perception of sad events, untimely consolation will be perceived as falsehood and insincerity.
  2. Offer real, feasible help. A state of shock disorientates a person, and he cannot organize and distribute the necessary actions in the correct order. How can you help? Sit with children, walk and feed pets, help in purchasing ritual supplies, help organize a funeral dinner, and so on.
  3. Don't leave the mourner alone. A person who has lost a loved one goes through several stages of an emotional state: a state of shock, rejection of loss, anger, feelings of guilt, depression, acceptance and adaptation.
  4. Listen. Sometimes words are superfluous, just listening to the grieving and showing condolences is the best support.
  5. Help to accept grief. Do not talk about being strong and overcoming all adversity on your own. Let the person speak out and shed all the tears that have accumulated at the moment.
  6. Show patience. Sometimes people who are faced with grief, there is anger at the people around them. This outburst of anger is short-lived, but it needs help to overcome.
  7. Help prepare ritual dates (3 days, 9 days, 40 days, death anniversary).
  8. Monitor the health of the mourner.

What not to say to a person who has lost a loved one

What words cannot help in a tragic situation, and what cannot be said to a loved one of the deceased:

  • I know/understand what you are experiencing;
  • Time is the best healer. hold on;
  • Do not shed tears, this will not make it easier;
  • He/she is exhausted;
  • Perhaps he/she needs God in heaven;
  • You can still find another husband/wife. Have another child.

These words hurt, because the grief of the grieving individual, and it cannot be evaluated by other people.

words of comfort in writing

The norms of ethics allow expressing condolences to relatives and friends in writing. They must be written within two weeks from the moment of the tragedy, but not on the day of the funeral, and not on a postcard.

When writing a letter to a mourner, relative or girlfriend, it is worth imagining that he is having a face-to-face dialogue and directly expresses sympathy for the loved one of the deceased. So the text will look sincere.

The writer should list the main advantages of the deceased, say about the importance of his role in the lives of others, sincerely sympathize with the situation, find the necessary phrases of support. Such a message is not written for long and is referred to as "consoling" letters.

In the age of widespread communication, modern messengers and other means of communication will help express condolences. You can send a message:

  • in social networks;
  • advertise in a newspaper;
  • via SMS, telegram;
  • in the programs "Votsap", "Viber", etc.

Conclusion

Expressing condolences in your own words, really appreciate the fine line when they turn into ordinary, insincere phrases. Trust your intuition. Maybe in this case words of consolation do not exist. And the one who lost a loved one, in difficult times, needs the presence of a silent, understanding listener nearby.

The life of every person is filled with joyful and tragic events to varying degrees. With the expression of emotions, understanding and perception of happy holidays and positive life situations, most do not have any difficulties. But at the same time, it can be difficult for some to find a few sincere words of condolence for a colleague, friend or loved one.

Psychological moment when expressing sympathy

An accidentally expressed tactless or inappropriate expression can unbalance a person who has recently experienced a tragic loss. Most often, people at such a moment are overwhelmed with unbearable pain and emotionally unstable. Some time must always pass for a person to accept this pain, be able to cope with it and come to terms with the event.

Some need peace and solitude for a certain period, while others need sincere condolences for their loss. Many of the people who have experienced such grief begin to acutely feel the falseness and pretense from sympathizers, so it is worth behaving as tactfully as possible and not saying too much.

The meaning of condolences

The phrase “accept our sincere condolences” remains universal to this day, it is quite suitable for expressing grief for any reason. Of course, speaking even such a general and short phrase (however, like any other) must be absolutely sincere. By itself, the word "condolence" can be read as "condolence" or "joint illness."

Similarly with sympathy, that is, a joint feeling. The meaning of offering condolences is to formally, as it were, share grief with the mourner and take part of his pain and suffering on his own shoulders. A more general meaning also implies the provision of any feasible assistance to a person in order to somehow reduce his suffering. In many cultures, it is believed that actions speak much more than words - this unwritten rule applies to this situation as well as possible.

What should be considered when sympathizing with the mourner?

In addition to sincerity, it is worth preparing to be patient, restrained and attentive to the person who has suffered the loss. In some cases, it is better to maintain a delicate silence than to rush through with words of consolation. Even after offering the most sincere condolences to the mourner, it will never be superfluous to ask him if he needs any help, and by his appearance to demonstrate his full readiness to provide the necessary support in difficult times.

Words spoken from the bottom of the heart can become a real balm for the soul for the relatives and friends of the deceased. And a few grandiloquent phrases, uttered only for the sake of appearances, only offend those present.

condolence form

Depending on certain circumstances, the relationship with the grieving people and the general nature of the event, a person expresses sincere condolences in various forms. Examples of condolence forms are:

  • obituaries in newspaper columns;
  • official collective or personal condolences;
  • uttering a mourning speech or a few words at a funeral;
  • a mourning speech on a specific occasion, such as an anniversary or 9 days from the date of the tragedy;
  • individual offering of condolences to the relatives and friends of the deceased.

It is worth noting that the poetic form is more suitable for the written form of expressing grief, and prose is appropriate both in writing and in oral form of condolences.

Methods for giving condolences

The modern world suggests a somewhat expanded number of communication options for offering condolences. Telegrams in the mail, which were ubiquitous literally 30 years ago, have now supplanted instant messengers, social networks and video chats. Even e-mail perfectly replaces (at least in speed of delivery and convenience) outdated mail.

Sometimes one SMS with the text “accept my sincere condolences, be strong” is enough. Nevertheless, it is recommended to send such messages only if only a formal relationship or distant acquaintance is associated with the mourner.

Social media and condolences

The pages of the deceased people on social networks like VK were often used as a kind of place for offering condolences. You can often see on the wall of such an account messages like “please accept my sincere condolences, hold on.” Sometimes relatives or friends of a deceased person are accepted to keep the page going further, periodically updating statuses and responding to users' personal messages.

How ethical all this is is the subject of ongoing debate. It is generally accepted that relatives themselves have the right to decide whether they need to delete the page of the deceased. In addition, only relatives can apply to the administration of the social network with a request to delete such an account. To do this, they will also need to provide scans or photographs of documents confirming the death.

Interestingly, in addition to accounts, it is customary to create entire groups in memory of any tragic events with mass casualties, whether it be terrorist attacks, catastrophes or natural disasters. Everyone who wants to discuss the tragedy and offer their condolences on the walls of such groups.

What to look for when you offer condolences?

It is better to compose the text of a speech or a letter of condolence for the closest and dearest people in your own words, you do not need to use a lot of template and on-duty formulations. Oral mournful speech should not be too long, although one phrase “accept our sincere condolences” will clearly not be enough for a full-fledged speech.

Bringing official condolences is usually done in writing, where it is appropriate to use a poetic syllable, designed in conjunction with several photographs of the deceased. A penetrating poem can be taken from famous authors. If you wish, you can, of course, write your own poems, but they must be consistent in style and relevant in content so as not to offend the memory of the departed person.

Your personal condolences are encouraged both in writing and orally. The only requirement is exclusivity, you should not take the first text that comes across on the Web. At the very least, it is worth at least making your own edits and supplementing it. It is advisable to recall the distinctive character traits of the deceased, to emphasize his virtues such as honesty, wisdom, responsiveness, kindness, optimism, hard work or love of life.

Universal Template Phrases

To offer condolences, there are a number of well-established phrases and expressions:

  • "We all mourn your irreparable loss."
  • "Please accept our sincere condolences."
  • "Let's keep a bright memory in our hearts about a wonderful person who left us untimely."
  • "We sincerely sympathize and condole with your grief."

In the future, you can offer all possible financial assistance or the organization of related events with the following phrases:

  • “You can count on us for any assistance. We will help you deal with all the upcoming issues.
  • “We will help you get through this grief, support you and provide the necessary assistance to your family.”

If the deceased was a believing Orthodox Christian during his lifetime, then it would be absolutely appropriate to add the expressions to the mournful speech:


Common Mistakes in Offering Condolences

At times, words of comfort can only bring more pain when people make very common mistakes in composing verbal and written condolences. The most acute stage of suffering in loved ones and relatives normally lasts from 9 to 40 days. It is during this period that you need to be extremely careful and attentive to your own words.

If the phrase "accept our sincere condolences" is very general and neutral-positive, then a number of other expressions are simply not acceptable for cases of loss of a loved one. An example is the phrase “you are pretty (pretty) and you will definitely get married (get married)”, said to a widow or widower, respectively. It is equally tactless to say “it's okay, give birth to a new one” to the parents of a deceased child. The general rule for the prohibition of such phrases is that the future cannot “comfort” a grieving person who has experienced a terrible loss. During the acute stage of grief, the mourner is usually unable to think about his own prospects, he can only feel pain and loss in the present.

Looking for the positive in death is bad form. Such expressions of words of consolation should always be avoided. Phrases like “it will be better for him there, he has suffered”, “at least his father is still alive”, “you still have other children after all” can have exactly the opposite effect - cause sincere rejection and aggression from a grieving person. The second aspect is that such phrases can cause resentment against the deceased, who, unlike the mourner, no longer suffers. In the future, such reflections can lead to a full-fledged guilt complex in the mourner.

Other unacceptable phrases when pronouncing words of comfort

Some say “please accept my most sincere condolences” and then add that they understand how the mourner is now. Such phrases usually sound like this: “I perfectly understand and know how hard it is for you now.” As a rule, this is not true and in some cases may even offend the grieving person. It's much more appropriate to say something along the lines of "I can only guess how bad you feel."

Questions about the incident, finding out the details and details of death immediately after offering condolences is extremely inappropriate. The mourner himself will tell everything - when he is ready for it. Talking about your own difficulties and problems does not make any sense and is absolutely disrespectful to a grieving person.

General Etiquette for Offering Condolences

A few simple rules will help you understand how best to behave in this situation:

  • It is impossible to speak with a mourner in an overly delicate and courteous way, avoiding touching his feelings. Logical messages in this situation are meaningless. On the contrary, there is no need to be afraid of a flurry of emotions and step back.
  • A grieving person may refuse to talk or offer help. It is unlikely that this should be regarded as a personal insult, most likely, the person did not want to offend anyone, but it is difficult for him to gather himself and perceive everything correctly.
  • You should not move away from the mourner yourself and look for a way out and avoid the current situation. Excessive modesty should not become an obstacle to communication, it is worth at least expressing elementary words of consolation like “accept sincere condolences for the loss.”

As already mentioned above, the golden rule of a good mournful speech or written consolation of the mourners is the genuine sincerity of someone who wants to help with a kind word and express their good intentions.

Condolences on the occasion of death is an expression of involvement in the grief that has befallen people - the death of a loved one. At such moments, the closest people simply need support and participation. They are expressed in words, orally or in writing, as well as through actions, which is the most sincere form of showing sympathy.

Oral condolences - samples

  • I loved him/her (name). Sorry!
  • He meant a lot to me and to you, I grieve with you.
  • Let it be a consolation to us that he gave so much love and warmth. Let's pray for him.
  • There are no words to express your grief. She meant a lot in your life and mine. Never forget…
  • It is very hard to lose such a dear person. I share your grief. How can I help you? You can always count on me.
  • I'm sorry, please accept my condolences. If I can do something for you, I will be very happy. I would like to offer my help. I would be happy to help you...
  • Unfortunately, in this imperfect world, this has to be experienced. He was a bright man whom we loved. I will not leave you in your grief. You can count on me at any moment.
  • This tragedy affected everyone who knew her. You, of course, are now the hardest of all. I want to assure you that I will never leave you. And I will never forget her. Please, let's walk this path together.
  • Unfortunately, I only now realized how unworthy my bickering and quarrels with this bright and dear person were. Excuse me! I grieve with you.
  • This is a huge loss. And a terrible tragedy. I pray and will always pray for you and for him.
  • It's hard to put into words how much good he did me. All our disagreements are dust. And what he did for me, I will carry through my whole life. I pray for him and mourn with you. I will gladly help you at any time.

The main thing is sincerity!

Speaking about etiquette, it should be noted that the words of condolence to the relatives of the deceased should be filled with sincerity. You can say a lot of grandiloquent phrases with a cold heart, simply because it is required by the norms of decency, or you can say a few words from the bottom of your heart and these words will be a balm for the soul of the closest people of the deceased.

Condolences on death should not be a memorized text, and even more so a text read from a piece of paper or any medium, such as a telephone. Sincerity is defined in empathy, the realization that such grief, like death, does not bypass a single person. Long speeches sound insincere and pathetic. A short condolence in your own words would be the best option.

The offered help will also be a manifestation of sincere sympathy and empathy. How can I help you? What can I do for you? If you need anything please contact me! Everything must be backed up by action. Do not be unfounded, and even more so do not offer help knowing in advance that there is nothing you can do to help.

Words of condolence

Words of condolences for death can be in a couple of phrases and even in a couple of words. For example:

  • (Name) was a person of great soul. We sincerely sympathize with you!
  • He was a bright/kind/powerful/talented person. An example for all of us. We will always remember!
  • How much good she did to those around her! How she was loved, appreciated during her lifetime! With her passing, we lost a part of ourselves. We are very sorry for you!
  • This is a tragedy: we are in great pain at this hour. But you are the hardest! If there is anything we can do to help you, please contact us right away!
  • He meant/did/helped me a lot in my life. I grieve with you!
  • What a pity that I did not have time to say “I'm sorry!” to him. He opened a new world for me, and I will always remember this! Sincere condolences!
  • I mourn your loss. I know it's a hard blow for you
  • We offer our sincere condolences to all family and friends
  • I was told that your brother is dead. I'm sorry, I mourn with you
  • A wonderful person is gone. I send my condolences to you and your entire family at this sad and difficult time.
  • Condolences on death - the words above are an example of sincere empathy. They can be customized for a specific person.

What is the right way to express sympathy?

The first and most important thing has already been given above - this is sincerity, which is expressed in the fact that the words do not come from the head, like a memorized text, but from the heart.

The second - offering condolences in connection with death, offer help, this will become an expression of participation in the grief that has befallen. It can be a little help - pick up and bring wreaths, help with organizing a funeral / commemoration. To express condolences on the occasion of death means to join the common grief, not only in words, but also in deeds.

Third - do not keep your emotions to yourself and keep a calm appearance. You should not be ashamed of your feelings - you came to the funeral of a familiar person who is no longer there. You can cry, hug your relatives, subject to the first rule - sincerity. A clearly feigned hysteria will not be able to support relatives.

Fourth, it is not superfluous and even important to say at least a couple of phrases that characterize the deceased from the best side - he was a great friend / she is a wonderful hostess or it was a pleasure to work with him / she was a kind and sympathetic person. These words will become a balm for the soul of the dearest people of the deceased.

Condolence Examples

  • We deeply mourn the death of (name). She was a wonderful woman and surprised many with her generosity and good disposition. We miss her very much and can only guess what a blow her passing was for you. We remember how she once (name). She involved us in doing good, and thanks to her we became better. ... was a model of mercy and tact. We are happy that we knew her.
  • Even though I never met your father, I know how much he meant to you. Thanks to your stories about his frugality, love of life and how reverently he cared for you, it seems to me that I also knew him. I think a lot of people will miss it. When my father died, I found comfort in talking about him with other people. I would be very happy if you shared your memories of your dad. I think of you and your family.
  • We deeply regret the death of your dear daughter. We would like to find words to somehow ease your pain, but it's hard to imagine if there are such words at all. The loss of a child is the worst grief. Please accept our sincere condolences. We pray for you.
  • I was deeply saddened by the news of the death of (name) and I want to express my sincere sympathy to you and other employees of your company. My colleagues share my deep regret at his/her passing.
  • With deep regret I learned about the death of the president of your institution (name), who faithfully served the interests of your organization for many years. Our director asked me to convey my condolences to you on the loss of such a talented organizer.
  • I would like to express to you our deep feelings about the death of (name). Her dedication to her work earned her the respect and love of all who knew her. Please accept our sincere condolences.

What shouldn't be talked about?

Old grievances - death forgives everything and puts an end to any conflict. Folk wisdom says that only good things can be said about the dead. If you cannot let go of the situation, the conflict, then it is better to limit yourself to a couple of phrases, because if aggression or negativity towards the deceased accidentally slips into the words, then this can hurt his relatives. Or, even worse, it will cause a scandal.

The text of condolences on death should not contain banal and hackneyed phrases that essentially mean nothing. This is “everything will be fine”, “everything will pass with time”, “young people - still give birth”, “the pain will soon subside, it will become easier with time”, and so on. Those who have lost loved ones at the moment cannot understand all this, and such phrases will only cause an outbreak of aggression.

No need to ask to stop crying, worry. It also won't get a response. On the contrary, one should support "do not keep everything in yourself - cry." Here, tears are the main way to throw out the grief and pain accumulated inside. This really makes it easier. It is much more difficult to experience everything within oneself, which can lead to psychological and even mental illness.

It is not worth mentioning such banal things as age - "he was already old", "he was sick for so long that death is a release." You will cause deep pain to relatives. Especially if it is condolences on the death of mom or dad. Parents are hard to lose at any age. These are the closest people whose support and love we need at any age.

Condolence texts

  • (Name), accept my heartfelt condolences ... The death of a husband is a great loss that must be endured. It's hard for me to put into words, but we really need you. Hold on!
  • (name), I express my deepest condolences to you on the death of (name). Words are stupid, and maybe in vain, but we are always with you. Let's support and help you survive.
  • I sincerely share your pain and convey the words of sympathy and support to you and your family.
  • The death of a loved one is a great grief and trial.
  • (Name) Please accept my sincere condolences. Unfortunately, it is difficult to heal a terrible wound in the heart with words. However, the bright memories of a person who lived his life honestly and with dignity, leaving the fruits of his good deeds, will always be stronger than death.
  • At this bitter moment, I share your grief, mourn with you, bow my head in mourning.
  • We understand how much he meant to you. Such a wonderful person is very hard to lose. He brought us so much warmth and love. We will never forget him. We mourn with you
  • His death is an irreparable loss for all of us. This is a terrible tragedy. After all, he was such a kind, loving and sympathetic person. He did so many good things in his life for everyone. We will never forget him

condolences in verse

Condolences in verse is not the best option. Death is no time for poetry, but moderate, small poetry can be an outlet for all those gathered. Recited in a low voice with intonation and expression, the verses of sorrow and condolences will find a response in the hearts of the audience. So, a verse of condolences on death:

When you left, the light faded
And time suddenly stopped.
And they wanted to live together for a century ...
Why did it all happen?

We remember, dear, and mourn,
The wind blows on the heart of the cold.
We love you forever
Nobody can replace you.

You brought us light - magical, kind,
Your world was fabulously beautiful.
You - the only (/ th) - we remember,
Thank you for your talent.

May your dream be serene
No one will ever bother
Nothing can break
Oblivion eternal rest.

Not chasing meaningless fame
Keeping love in your heart
He left, but managed to leave us
Eternal music bright motive

So, condolence is an expression of sincere sympathy, empathy. It shouldn't be long. Do not send condolences via SMS. If it is not possible to express them in person, then it is better to call. Let a couple of lines, phrases saturated with sincerity replace a long memorized text.

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We intuitively and subconsciously understand how to behave in joyful, easy life situations and festive events. But there are events of a tragic nature - the death of a loved one, for example. Many are lost, faced with their unpreparedness for loss, for the majority such events are beyond acceptance and awareness.

People experiencing loss are easily vulnerable, acutely feel insincerity and pretense, their feelings are overwhelmed with pain, they need help to calm it down, accept it, reconcile it, but in no case add pain with an accidentally thrown tactless word, an incorrect phrase.

You need to be able to show increased tact and correctness, sensitivity and condescension. It is better to remain silent, showing a delicate understanding, than to cause additional pain, hurt disturbed feelings, hook on nerves overloaded with experiences.

We will try to help you understand how to behave in a situation where a person next to you has suffered grief - the loss of a loved one, how to condole and find words that make the person feel your support and sincere sympathy.

We must take into account the existing differences in condolences.

The form of expressing condolences for the loss will vary:

  • Grandparents, relative;
  • mother or father;
  • brother or sister;
  • son or daughter - child;
  • husband or wife;
  • boyfriend or girlfriend;
  • colleagues, employee.

Because the depth of experiences varies.

Also, the expression of condolences depends on the severity of the grieving person's feelings about what happened:

  • Imminent death due to old age;
  • inevitable death due to serious illness;
  • premature, sudden death;
  • tragic death, accident.

But there is the main, general condition, independent of the cause of the death that has come - the genuine sincerity of the expression of your grief.

The condolence itself should be short in form, but deep in content. Therefore, you need to find the most sincere words that accurately convey the depth of your sympathy and your willingness to provide support.

In this article, we will give samples and examples of various forms of expressing condolences, we will help you choose mournful words.

You will need:

Form and method of submission

Condolences will have distinctive features in form and method of presentation, depending on their purpose.

Purpose:

  1. Personal condolences to family and friends.
  2. Official individual or collective.
  3. Obituary in the newspaper.
  4. Farewell words of mourning at the funeral.
  5. Funeral words at the wake: for 9 days, for the anniversary.

Submission method:

The timeliness factor is important, so the postal delivery method should only be used to send a telegram. Of course, the fastest way to express your condolences is to use modern communication tools: email, Skype, Viber ... but they are suitable for confident Internet users, and these should be not only senders, but also recipients.

Using SMS to show sympathy and empathy is acceptable only if there are no other opportunities for contact with a person, or if the status of your relationship is a distant acquaintance or formal friendship. Follow this link for different occasions.

Submission form:

In writing:

  • Telegram;
  • email;
  • electronic postcard;
  • an obituary is a piece of mourning in a newspaper.

In oral form:

  • In a telephone conversation;
  • in person.

In prose: Suitable for both written and verbal expression of grief.
In verse: Suitable for writing mourning.

Important highlights

All verbal condolences should be short in form.

  • Official condolences are more delicately expressed in writing. For this, a heartfelt verse is more suitable, to which you can pick up a photo of the deceased, corresponding electronic pictures and postcards.
  • Personal individual condolences must be exclusive, and can be expressed both verbally and in writing.
  • For the dearest and closest people, it is important to express or write mournful condolences in your sincere words, not formal, therefore, not stereotyped.
  • Since verses are rarely exclusive, exclusively yours, so listen to your heart, and it will prompt you with words of comfort and support.
  • Not only words of condolence should be sincere, but also an offer of any help that you can afford: financial, organizational.

Be sure to mention the distinctive personal virtues and character traits of the deceased person that you would like to keep in your memory forever as a model: wisdom, kindness, responsiveness, optimism, love of life, hard work, honesty.…

This will be an individual part of condolence, the main part of which can be formulated according to the approximate model proposed in our article.

Universal mournful texts

  1. “Let the earth rest in peace” - this is a traditional ritual phrase that is said after a completed burial, it can be a condolence at a wake, suitable even for atheists.
  2. "We all mourn your irreparable loss."
  3. "Unspeakable pain from loss."
  4. "Sincerely condolences and sympathy for your grief."
  5. “Please accept my deepest condolences on the death of a loved one.”
  6. “Let us keep in our hearts the bright memory of the deceased wonderful person.”

Help can be offered in the following ways:

  • “We are ready to share the burden of your grief, to be close to you and provide the necessary all possible assistance to you and your family.”
  • “Surely, you will need to solve a lot of questions. You can count on us, accept our help."

On the death of mother, grandmother

  1. "The death of the closest person - mother - is an irreparable grief."
  2. "The bright memory of her will forever be in our hearts."
  3. “How much we did not have time to tell her during her lifetime!”
  4. "We sincerely mourn and condole with you at this bitter moment."
  5. "Hold on! In memory of her. She wouldn't want to see you in despair."

On the death of a husband, father, grandfather

  • “I offer my sincere condolences and express my deep sympathy for the death of a loved one who was a reliable support for you and your family.”
  • “In memory of this strong man, you must show resilience and wisdom in order to survive this grief and continue what he did not have time to complete.”
  • "We will carry a bright and kind memory of him through our lives."

On the death of a sister, brother, friend, loved one

  1. “It hurts to realize the loss of a loved one, but it is even more difficult to come to terms with the departure of young people who have not known life. Everlasting memory!"
  2. “Let me express my most sincere condolences on the occasion of a heavy, irreparable loss!”
  3. “Now you have to become a support for your parents! Remember this and hold on!”
  4. “God help you survive and endure the pain of this loss!”
  5. “For the sake of your children, their peace and well-being, you need to cope with this grief, find the strength to live and learn to look to the future.”
  6. "Death does not take away love, your love is immortal!"
  7. "Blessed memory of a wonderful person!"
  8. "He will forever remain in our hearts!"

If you are at a distance, find out via SMS. Select the appropriate message and send to the recipient.

On the death of a colleague

  • “We have worked side by side over the past few years. He was an excellent colleague and an example for young colleagues. His professionalism served as an example for many. You will forever remain in our memory as an example of life wisdom and honesty. May the earth rest in peace for you!
  • “Her/his dedication to her work earned her/him the respect and love of all who knew her/him. He/She will forever remain in my memory.”
  • “You were a wonderful collaborator and friend. How we will miss you. May the earth rest in peace for you!
  • "I can't bear the thought that you're gone. It seems like only recently we were drinking coffee, discussing work and laughing ... I will miss you, your advice and crazy ideas very much.

On the death of a believer

The text of condolences may contain the same mournful words as for a secular person, but an Orthodox Christian should add:

  • ritual phrase:

"Kingdom of heaven and eternal rest!"
"God is merciful!"

My dear, I am very sorry for your grief. Condolences ... Be strong!
My friend, I mourn your loss. I know this is a hard blow for you and your family. I offer my sincere condolences.
- A wonderful man is gone. My condolences to you, my dear, and to all your family at this sad and difficult moment.
This tragedy hurt all of us. But of course, it touched you the most. Accept my condolences.

How to condole in Islam (Muslims)?

It is Sunnah to express condolences in Islam. However, it is undesirable for the relatives of the deceased to gather in one place to accept condolences. The main purpose of expressing condolences is to call people who have suffered misfortune to patience and contentment with the predestination of Allah. The words that should be said when expressing condolences are: "May Allah grant you beautiful patience and may He forgive the sins of your deceased (your deceased)."

How to condole over the phone?

In the case when the words of condolence are pronounced over the phone, then you can (but not necessarily) add briefly: “Let the earth rest in peace!”. If you have the opportunity to provide assistance (organizational, financial - any), then it is convenient to complete the words of condolence with this phrase, for example, “These days you will probably need help. I would like to be helpful. Count on me to call anytime!

How do you deal with a person who is bereaved?

It is not necessary to grieve, cry with him, passing through someone else's suffering. You will be much more effective in your help if you act rationally, deliberately. One way to deal with loss is to talk about it repeatedly. In this case, strong emotions will react. You need to listen carefully to the person, answer his questions if necessary. Allowing a person to express his emotions, experiences. It can be tears, anger, irritation, sadness. You don't judge, you just listen carefully, you're there. Tactile contact is possible, that is, a person can be hugged, taken by the hand, the child can be put on his knees.

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